A Court of Sorrow and Despair
by Dark Fury 13
Summary: After the war with Hybern no one shows up for the Calanmai ritual. Famine and drought spread across the land. With their people starving, Lucien is sent to convince Tamlin to perform the upcoming ritual to save countless lives. He arrives at the Spring Court, and he finds it in ruins. Two weeks is all the time he has to convince the Crazed Beast to save their people.
1. Chapter 1

Court of Sorrow and Despair

Chapter One

_Tamlin_

No one showed up for the first Calanmai after the war with Hybern ended. Perhaps they thought it wouldn't be necessary, why bother when other High Fae and faeries would certainly attend Fire Night to ensure crops throughout the land would not fail. Certainly someone would suffer through the ordeal of coupling with the most hated High Lord in all of Prythian. It was only one night, and they could swear it never happened if asked.

My own people had abandoned me. Long time friends, Fae I had rescued from being murdered or sent to stay Under the Mountain when Amarantha tricked the High Lords into giving over most of their power to her – none of them wanted to claim any sort of friendship or loyalty to me.

Alone.

My once beautiful manor now looked as if had been ravaged by years and decades of neglect. Doors hung off their hinges, glass crunched under my feet from the broken windows and precious antiques, broken furniture lay strewn about in a labyrinth I trek through each day to head out on patrol. Not that it was needed. Not that anyone other than creatures I needed to hunt stepped a foot onto Spring Court land. The villages had emptied out soon after the war; faeries loyal to the High Lady of the Night Court wouldn't be caught dead associating with me.

It brought me no joy or sense of victory when one by one my mother's rose bushes and all the fragrant flowers of the Spring Court wilted and died. Shortly after the leaves turned brown and brittle on every tree in the forests surrounding my home, and the lush green grass turned the color of dried wheat.

Spring would not come to the Fae Realm.

Without Spring there could be no Summer, no Winter, no Fall, and the birds that I'd taken to talking to out of sheer loneliness spoke of famine and droughts across the land. No doubt, they all blamed me – the High Lord of Spring to evil to visit, to important to kill. As the last remaining High Lord of Spring and without any living heirs, they couldn't risk killing me. Without me our Realm and that of the lowly humans would crumble. Maybe that was why they failed to show up for the Calanmai the first year after the war. Maybe it was a test to see if they could live without the Spring Court, and if so, their experiment failed miserably.

In my time alone, I'd become paranoid. Anyone would under the same circumstances. Any vile creature that crossed through my lands, I felt certain was sent by the Night Court. They made me the villain to make it okay for Feyre to follow her heart to her mate. Granted, I'd made mistakes. After watching her die Under the Mountain only to be reborn as a High Fae, changed me. Fear gnawed at my insides, and the tattoo on her arm given to her by Rhysand to seal the deal they made, only served to increase my dread that something bad would happen to her. At the time, I truly believed he'd used his powers of mind control to turn her against me. In my mind, I thought I was saving her when I made a deal with Hybern to let him use my land to get to the Wall to destroy it. It was a terrible mistake, one I regretted every single day.

She regretted nothing. She turned everyone against me, and went on to live happily ever after with her mate. All the good I'd done, all the lives I'd saved, amounted to nothing simply because I'd let my fears for her safety get the better of me. Still, I couldn't hate her. She'd come rescue me from Under the Mountain, and I owed her my life.

Nonetheless, I refused to even open the letters she sent me. The letters started arriving shortly after the crops started failing, likely condemning me for purposely starving the people out of spite. I burned them all without hesitation. I'd shouldered the blame for so much since the fateful day she came into my life, but I wouldn't take the blame for the fall of the Realm.

The last letter came two weeks before the next Calanmai, and again I burned it. If she truly cared about her people, she would've made the journey to the Spring Court to speak to me in person. I would've told her the sad truth. The drums never sounded, and although I'd done my part, killing the white stag, the ritual failed because I sat all night alone in the cave waiting for no one to show up. Raw power ravaged through me with no release, and to this day I felt it pent up beneath my skin, crawling like worms to drive me mad.

I wouldn't make the same mistake this year.

The day after her letter arrived, my ravens flew through the open doorway, and came to perch on the table I used to sit at with Lucien and Feyre while we ate and laughed together. They announced the arrival of a russet haired Fae with a golden eye, and scar slashed down his face. A mirthless laugh scared the birds away, flying out the broken windows.

Lucien.

I hadn't spoken to him since he betrayed me, running off with Feyre to the Night Court. It was laughable to think he was now her emissary when he used to be mine. I'd saved him from his family when they wanted him dead. I'd taken him in, and he became my closest friend and the person I trusted most. My trust was betrayed when he helped Feyre turn everyone against me.

I heard him outside, just beyond the doorway, cursing under his breath, likely wishing he'd never agreed to come back to the place he'd left in ruins. If he was smart, he would've turned around, got back up on his horse, and head home to the Night Court. He wasn't smart. He trudged through the door, sidestepping pieces of broken furniture and glass, and plopped down in the chair he always sat in at mealtime. His russet hair had grown shaggier since last I saw him, and although he retained the ethereal beauty of the Fae, he looked paler and thinner, his black tunic hanging loosely where his muscles used to be.

"You've had your fun, Tam," he began without sparing me any pleasantries. "I know you don't care, but the people of the Fae Realm and the Human Realm are starving. The Calanmai is in less than two weeks, and you are expected to perform the ritual. Is that understood?"

"Is that an order for the Night Court?" I smirked. "If so, I don't take orders from other Courts."

"No, it a request from a friend." His golden eye whizzed around, taking in the emptiness of my house. "What happened to you, Tam? I used to worship the ground you walked on, and now you've fallen so low. They call you the Crazed Beast in all the Courts, and I try to defend you, but," he waved a hand around the room, "you don't make it easy."

"I never asked you to defend me." My claws slid out from beneath my skin to dig into the table. "If that is all you have to say," I bobbed my head toward the door, "I'm very busy, and don't have time for idle chitchat."

"Are you going to perform the ritual?" he asked, his one good eye beseeching me to be the old Tamlin he once knew, and do my duty for the sake of the people who'd abandoned me. "I've been sent to round up as many Fae as possible to –"

"To what?" I cut in, drawing in a slow, deep breath, slowly releasing it. "To gawk at the Crazed Beast who talks to birds because they are the only ones who can stomach the sight of him?" I shook my head. "Where were all these concerned Fae and faeries last year?" I jabbed a clawed nail into my chest. "I was here. There were no drums. There were no festivities in honor of Calanmai. There was just me – alone."

"I'll be here this year," he promised as if I should be grateful to him for suffering through an excruciating two week ordeal. "And as I said, I'll be gathering up Fae from the surrounding Courts –"

"Don't bother," I cut him off again, leaning back in my chair. "Your sense of honor and commitment to the Night Court is commendable. Tell me, do they ever allow you stand behind them or are they afraid you'll stab them in the back like you did me."

"You went too far, Tam." He sighed, and shook his head. "Aligning yourself with Hybern – you had to know it was wrong, and Feyre's sisters…Elain. They paid the price for the madness you'd fallen under." He lifted a hand, and reached across to rest it on my shoulder, but I growled at him, and his arm fell loosely to his side.

"You of all people knew my reasons. I thought Rhysand had her under his control, and I couldn't let the woman I loved –" my voice tailed off abruptly, and I shook my head. "There is no sense in rehashing the past. I did what I did, and I've accepted my fate."

"You used to be a good man. You can be that man again."

"I never stopped being a good man," I countered smoothly. "I never asked Feyre to come and rescue me Under the Mountain. I loved her too much to risk losing her to death, and condemned myself along with my Court to save her." I looked him square in the eye. "You are not the only one who suffered at the hand of Amarantha. You honestly believe she allowed me to refuse her advances, and only harm you for it? If so you are a fool."

"I never said you didn't," he muttered, lowering his head a fraction. "I'm sorry if you feel I betrayed you, but this is a chance for us to start over. We can be friends again if you'll help us."

"Friendships with conditions are something I do not need." I pushed back my chair, and stood, walking outside to where the beautiful fountain once graced the garden. Now all that remained was large chunks of stone toppled over each other. He followed and stood beside me, taking in the ravaged lands we used to patrol together. "Do you recall when Feyre found that head on a spike in the fountain?" When he nodded, I continued, "All can be forgiven and overlooked when the man doing the cruel and evil things is your mate."

"Rhysand was Amarantha's prisoner," he reminded me, and I laughed recalling how he'd once called him her whore. "He had to do her bidding. We all did."

"And his own people?" I lifted a brow. "He favored some and left the others to the wolves. Did he have to do that, too? We can all make excuses for our actions, but let's call a spade a spade, Lucien. When he cared for someone, he took care of them, but if he didn't he was as vicious as Amarantha."

"You're bitter. I understand," he said, placating me as if I needed his pity. "She's happy, Tam. It's time for you to get over it and move on."

"Move on to what? I'm a High Lord of an empty Court, and you're only here because you're following orders."

"High Fae and faeries are dying. Don't you even care?"

"No one cared last year." I shrugged unconcernedly. "I cared then, but no one else did. Where were you last year? Where were you when it would've really mattered?"

"I didn't think I'd be welcomed…no one from the Night Court believed you would allow them on your lands so we stayed home."

"It would appear as if everyone believed the same as you, and here we are." I waved a hand around at the dead rose bushes and trees. "Do you have any idea how it feels to be hated by everyone? Can you even fathom what it's like to wake up every single day and have no one to talk to? I came home from the war to an empty house and empty lands, and you have the nerve to stand there defending your reasons for not coming sooner?"

"You'll die along with the rest of us."

"I'm already dead. I just haven't laid down yet."

"I'm planning the Calanmai," he said, stubbornly jutting out his chin. "Once the drums start, you won't be able to resist the pull of the magic."

"You might have a difficult time seeing as how I destroyed the cave last year," I chuckled mirthlessly. "But don't let that deter you. I'm certain if you gather up enough men, you can dig it out by then."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Lucien_

I knew from the start it wasn't going to be an easy task getting Tamlin to agree to save the Realm by performing the ritual on Fire Night. Feyre sent him letter after letter, practically begging him to do his duty to balance out the Seasons. At first we hardly noticed the change – a few trees dying could be chalked up to any number of reasons, but then we started getting reports of crops dying on the vine or failing completely. No one noticed how little rainfall we had in the early part of Spring, but by the end a full scale drought had taken hold, and panic set in. By the end of Fall more and more faeries showed up at the Night Court searching for food and answers as to why the Cauldron had forsaken us.

There wasn't a day that went by when some news of droughts or forest fires weren't reported, not to mention the bands of rogue Fae terrorizing whole villages to steal whatever food they possessed. I'd overheard Rhysand talking to Feyre, making threats against Tamlin, and while she agreed wholeheartedly with him, she hoped there would be an easier way to get Tamlin to save the people she'd grown to love and care for. She sent him multiple letters, every one of them saying nearly the same thing. If he agreed to help in our time of need, she would make sure everyone throughout the Realm understood he was their savior. After everything that had happened to her sisters and herself, she balked at the idea of proclaiming him a hero, but if it meant saving lives, she'd bow down to him and would have Rhysand do the same.

When no word came from her latest letter, she summoned me to her chambers. I didn't want to go back to the Spring Court, and made that very clear before I finally accepted the responsibility. Tam had been my best friend, he'd saved my life, and I didn't want to witness firsthand the man he'd become since the war. We were all partly to blame. No one was innocent, and yet he took the full brunt of the backlash after the war. There wasn't a Court in all the land that hadn't taken in many people who once called the Spring Court their home, and the truth was, Tamlin was good to his people. He took care of them and protected them as he protected me, and Feyre took everything from him. I understood her reasoning, and even went along with her as she escaped to the Night Court after she systematically destroyed him from within, but that never stopped me from remembering the man he was before she came into his life.

She ruined him, and I feared her sister would do the same to me. Elain, my mate – she didn't want to have anything to do with me, and I played along for scraps of her attention. As days turned into weeks and then months and then finally a year, I began to wonder if Feyre and her sisters were put on the Earth to destroy the men who loved them. Amarantha said humans had fickle hearts, and Feyre's love for Tamlin would flicker and fade, and she hadn't been wrong. Her love turned to hate so fast, it brought to question if any human could truly love a Fae. It made me sad for Tamlin, and even more so when I returned to the place I once called home.

His entire Court had emptied out, and his manor stood in ruins. He hadn't even tried to repair the damage even though with his immense power, it would've been pathetically easy. It didn't even seem to bother him to walk through broken glass and furniture littering the black and white marbled floor. Maybe everyone was right, and he was the Crazed Beast. If so, nothing would save him or us. Two weeks would never be enough time to undo the damage we'd caused, and we had no one to blame but ourselves.

Except a permanent scowl etching his brow, and the vibrant green of his eyes having dulled, he looked pretty much the same. As he had no one to care for, hunger wasn't an issue, and his well defined corded muscles remained flawless while I looked gaunt and pale. For all his power, even Rhysand suffered from the loss of our food supplies – he couldn't magic food to the table if there wasn't any to be had.

Tamlin dismissed me after pointing out how Rhysand was no different than him. Shoulders drooping, he trudged into the manor, and I heard his bedroom door slam shut behind him. He expected me to leave to run back to Feyre and tell her there would be no ritual. I stayed. When he emerged from his room later that night, he found me sitting at the table, and scowled my way. Slumping in the chair beside me, he muttered under his breath about unwanted guests before an abundance of food, too much for either of us to eat, appeared across the table. My stomach rumbled as I whiffed in the savory, spicy aroma of roasted pork and venison. An array of side dishes, bowls filled to the brim with potatoes, corn, beans, salad and rolls, sat in front of me begging to be eaten.

"Eat," he grumbled, piling food onto his plate, "and when you're finished, I expect you to leave."

"This food," I said hesitantly as I stabbed a thick piece of roast pork with my knife to set of my plate, "what will you do with the leftovers? I could wrap them up, and take them to nearby villages if you'll allow it."

"There are no nearby villages." He met and held my gaze for a long moment then lowered his head and dug into his food. "If you plan to stay against my wishes, you'll have to sleep in the barn. Your bedroom along with hers was destroyed."

I chewed and swallowed down a delicious, perfectly cooked piece of venison as I contemplated how best to convince him to do his part to ensure the Fae Realm survived. "I could go beyond the Wall, and entice human women to join the celebration of Calanmai. They have no idea who you are, Tam. The Children of the Blessed would be grateful to –"

"You have to be kidding, right?" He looked up and pinned me with a stare. "Do not even think to bring another human to my lands. They are not welcome here, and neither are you."

"Okay, it was just a suggestion." Setting down my fork and knife, I picked up the crystal goblet filled with wine, and gulped down a healthy portion. "The High Lord of the Summer Court has offered one of his four beautiful daughters to be your wife if you'll perform the ritual. Naturally they won't be a part of the ritual – it's a good offer, Tam. You should take it under consideration."

"And the Night Court? Have they made any offer of sacrificing one of their own to the Crazed Beast of the Spring Court?"

I winced at the venom in his tone. "No." I shook my head. "Once everyone sees that you've saved us from starving to death, I'm sure other offers will pour in. You will have your choice of any woman you want."

"With assurances from you of countless conditional offers from other High Lords, how could I refuse?" He lifted a golden eyebrow, and smirked. "Eat you dinner, Lucien."

"I'm sorry," I muttered, staring down at the plate of food in front of me. "You have to understand why the other Courts have turned on you. You aligned yourself with Hybern, and that's not something easily forgotten."

"No, it's not," he surprisingly agreed. "However, it seems that when I killed Amarantha to save them from having to live Under the Mountain, it was forgotten easy enough. Perhaps they should try harder."

"Feyre passed the trials Amarantha chose for her," I reminded him. "She's the one who –"

He slammed a hand down hard on the table, rattling the dishes. "No! Those three trials and the stupid riddle she solved only rescued me and my Court. If I hadn't killed Amarantha, your precious Rhysand and every other Court would still be under her control. Rhysand was defeated, crumpled to the ground without any hope of saving his mate. No one seems to remember that though, do they? All Rhysand's scheming and whoring would've amounted to nothing if I hadn't murdered her – Feyre would be dead right now if I hadn't ripped Amarantha's throat out. So don't lecture me about things not being easily forgotten."

"You're right." I sighed, pushing my half-eaten plate of food aside. "I'll beg for your mercy if I have to. I'll do anything to ensure the survival of our people and the insignificant humans."

"I have no doubt you would, but would the High Lord and Lady do the same?"

"You know they would – they have."

"I wonder," he scratched at the short growth of hair on his jaw, "if your High Lady would agree to the same terms Rhysand set before her when she broke her arm and he healed it?"

The color drained from my face. "You would force her to spend one week with you every month for the rest of her life?"

"As I recall, she once enjoyed my company." He smiled, and waved his hand dismissively. "Rest assured in the knowledge that I have no interest in making deals to spend time with the High Lady."

"What does interest you? You have to want something for yourself?"

"I want for nothing. I have everything I need."

"You have nothing and no one," I countered, waving a hand at the food laden table. "You prepared enough food for an army and yet you eat alone. Let me help you gain back some small portion of what you've lost."

"As I said before, the cave has been destroyed," he said after a lengthy pause, sadness dulling his green eyes even more. He waved a hand, and every scrap of food vanished. "It was nice eating dinner with someone again." His chair scrapped against the floor as he pushed it back and got to his feet. "There are blankets in the barn for you. In the morning I expect you to be gone."

XxXxXx

Later that night I met Feyre at the edge of Spring Court. Unnerved by being so close to the place she once called home, she paced back and forth. Moonlight glinted off the daggers she wore, a measure she'd taken to secure her safety, and I rarely saw her without them. The moment she noticed me riding into view, she stopped pacing, and rushed over to me. Wisps of golden blond hair framed her delicate face, and she hastily brushed them out of her green eyes.

"Has he agreed to perform the ritual?" she uttered, looking beyond me to into the darkness toward the manor.

"No," I said as I hopped down from the grey stallion I'd borrowed from the stable. "He's – bitter, Feyre." Anger sparked in her eyes, and with a weary sigh, I went on to explain, "You have it good. You have friends and family, and you left him with nothing." I held up a hand when she opened her mouth to defend her actions. "I know what he did was wrong, but he did it out of love for you. He truly thought Rhysand was controlling your mind, and he would've sacrificed anything to save you. He made some bad decisions which he paid dearly for them, but it wasn't him who caused this famine throughout our land. We did this to ourselves. He waited all night at Calanmai, and no one showed up."

"This is not our fault," she said after my voice trailed off. "We would not have been welcomed onto his lands, and left it to the other Courts to deal with him."

"You know as well as I the mass migration and the words you put in his people's ears to turn them against him. They filled the other Courts ears for weeks and months after the war. You're not innocent in this, Feyre." I looked over my shoulder into the darkness then back to her. "You broke him, and you took wicked pleasure in doing the deed. So don't stand there with righteous indignation when you know in your heart you wrecked him, leaving nothing behind but a shell of the man he once was."

"He helped Hybern turn my sisters into High Fae."

"And he regretted it more than you will ever know. Hybern tricked him just the same as Amarantha tricked the rest of the Fae."

"I can't forgive him." she stubbornly folded her arms across her chest. "Even though he helped in the end, I can't forget what happened to my sisters because of him."

"Then you'll have no one but yourself to blame when the people starve to death. You of all Fae should know what it's like to go to be hungry." I climbed back up on my horse, and scratched behind the ear. "Go home, Feyre. I'll deal with the High Lord of the Spring Court myself."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_Tamlin_

Lucien settled into the barn as if it was the nicest of accommodations, and I was the best host. I ignored him when he spoke, most of the time walking away when he opened his mouth to speak. I found it almost comical to watch him sweep and pick up broken furniture scattered around the house only to find every last piece back in its exact place once he'd finished piling it up outside to burn. Aggravated as he was, he refused to give up no matter how many times he started over.

When he wasn't playing maid, he spent the first few days scouring neighboring Courts to help him dig out the cave. High Fae refused to get their hands dirty while the lesser faeries couldn't spare the time, not during a famine and drought. From dawn till twilight they worked to save whatever crops and water they could, leaving Lucien to dig out the cave himself.

Having nothing better to do with my time, I sat on a flat moss covered boulder watching him grumble and complain as he hefted large rocks out of the mouth of the cave. My birds gathered round me,and cawed at him. Once this was his home but now they thought of him as an intruder, someone sent to do their High Lord harm, and if I didn't keep them at bay they would've pecked his other eye out and picked at the brain beneath.

"You could help, you know," he grumbled, wiping the sweat from his brow. "I'm doing this for you."

"No, you are doing manual labor for your High Lord and Lady," I pointed out, and glancing up at the rocks perched precariously above the cave, I made them fall into the space he'd just cleared out. "Careful, Lucien. There could be another cave in."

His golden eye narrowed on me, and he swore under his breath. "I defended you, Tam. I told Feyre the drought and famine was our fault not yours, but if you continue to block every effort I make to help you every death will be on you."

"Why should I care about anyone? When I tried – and I did try hard not to be like my father, everything crumbled around me."

He walked up the hill to sit beside me, and wiped more sweat from his brow. "You were the best person I knew once. You cared so much about everyone. You didn't want Andras to cross the wall even though everyone urged you to sacrifice him for the good of all. You could've been cruel to Feyre for murdering your friend, but you weren't, and that speaks volumes about your character."

"And yet, in the end I lost everything." I stood and brushed the dry, brittle moss off my pants. "You've bored me. I'm going to go patrol near the Wall."

"There's nothing there in need of guarding."

"True, but it'll still be more entertaining than sitting here listening to you babble on."

"Ten days," he said, tilting his head to look up at me. "If you want, I'll leave the next day."

"That's the best news I've heard in the longest time," I chuckled, sliding up into the saddle of my horse. "You should get back to work if you planned to have that all cleared out in time."

He cursed and shouted at me as I nudged Thunder into a gallop. Once I traveled far enough away, I slowed to a leisurely pace, taking time to check on the water level of several spring fed ponds, and to see if any of my meager crops had produced vegetables. Even living on my own, not having to divide the food amongst the people of my Court, I'd still have to ration my food stores if no one showed up for Calanmai.

Deep in thought, it took me several seconds to notice a woman with long, silky black hair helping someone else over the Wall. Nudging Thunder into a gallop, we made it to the Wall before she could climb over herself. She hesitated, body tensing, then turned to smile at me. My eyes slowly traveled down the length of her shapely body, taking in her faded blue dress, my gaze lingering on the swell of her firm breasts heaving over the low cut neckline. The dress fit snug, showing off every curve, an open invitation too difficult to resist. Ugly scars made an intricate spider web trailing from her fingers of her left hand all the way up to her elbow. Noticing me staring, she clasped her hands behind her back.

"Good day, your Grace," she said in a soft lilting tone as she boldly met my gaze.

"I believe you are on the wrong side of the Wall." I bobbed my head to the divide between the Fae Realm and the Human Realm. "And it's not your Grace. It's my Lord." I looked beyond the Wall, eyes narrowing on her friend trying to hide under the cover of some scrub brush. "Do you have any idea who owns these lands, girl?"

"Aye," she said, the pretty smile never fading from her heart-shaped face. "The High Lord of Spring."

I gestured to the purplish smudges covering her dress. "You do know that if you eat the berries from this side of the Wall you'll waste away to nothing. Nothing will ever taste as good and as sweet, and you'll live the rest of your short life pining away for more stolen berries." From behind her, her companion let out a pitiful moan of pain. "What is wrong with your friend?"

"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with, m'lord."

As she glanced over her shoulder at her friend, I slid off my horse. I towered over her, forcing her to crane her neck when she looked back and found me standing directly in front of her.

"There are many poisonous plants and creatures on my side of the Wall, and if my eyes don't deceive me, her leg is swollen and her toes are turning black." I breathed her in, stomach muscles tightening at the alluring scent of jasmine and musky spice. "Do they not bathe where you come from? You smell as if you roll around in pigpen all day."

"Aye, there is a stream near my home. If you are going to try to rile me into an argument you'll have to do much better than that." Tilting her chin, she took a long whiff of the air, and scrunched her pert nose. "Perhaps it is you who needs a bath, m'lord." Something poked into my chest, and I looked down to find she held an Ash dagger in her hand. "I mean you no harm, but as you can see my sister is in need of a healer."

"You would stab me when I have done nothing to warrant it?"

"B-Brie," her sister cried out, drawing her attention away from me. "It hurts…it hurts so bad."

"I'm afraid your sister won't make it to your healer," I said, acutely aware of the dagger and how easily it could slip if she turned quick. "I could heal her, but it will cost you." Her badly scarred arm came to mind as I spoke, and I added, "I could also heal your arm and make it normal and perfect again."

"My arm is already normal and perfect. As are my breasts as you already know." She winked at me, boldly flirting when she should have been terrified even without knowing my name. "What will it cost me to save my sister's life?"

"Nothing as long as you keep it to yourself." She studied me a long moment, likely trying to decide if this was some Fae trick then she nodded. "My only condition is you need to help her over to this side of the Wall. I will not take a step into the Human Realm."

"You're a strange one, m'lord." She pocketed the dagger, and with grace I didn't know humans possessed, she leapt over the Wall and carefully helped her sister to her feet. Younger and meeker than Brie, the girl started balling as Brie struggled to get her over the Wall. "No tricks," she said as I gently lifted the girl and set her down on the grass.

"It might hurt some," I warned, crouching to rest my hand on the girl's swollen leg. "Those berries you picked, the thorns are poisonous to humans."

I'd scarcely gotten the words out and she screamed. Brie caught hold of her hand, and softly sang to her as I worked to draw out the poison. My head pounded in perfect sync with each scream, and several times she kicked me as she thrashed around desperately trying to get away. Brie gasped at the sight of thick yellowish pus leeching out of her sister's leg, and said a whispered prayer to whatever gods she believed in. Within a matter of minutes the last of the poison drained from her leg, and the swelling receded. As a healthy pinkish hue returned to her leg, I pulled my hand away.

"Your leg is healed." Pushing to my feet, I held out a hand to help Brie up and then her sister. "Do not cross into these lands again."

"Sh-she's really going to be all right?" Brie uttered, doubt and fear marring her beautiful face. "She's not going to die?"

"Your faith in my abilities gets me right here." I tapped at my chest above my heart. "By nightfall she'll be running around as if she never came so close to death." I turned to climb back up on my horse, but Brie caught hold of my arm. "No need to thank me."

"Wait here. Don't go anywhere. Understand?"

I nodded and watched her help her sister back to their side of the Wall. They disappeared into the woods, and the longer I waited for her to return, the more I was inclined to believe she played some cruel human joke at my expense. An hour past and then two, and still I sat there like a fool, waiting simply because a pretty girl asked me to. Another half hour passed before I finally caught sight of her running through the forest without socks or shoes, giggling like a child as she leapt over fallen logs and dodged around trees. She'd changed out of the berry stained dress, and now wore a white dress so sheer, I could clearly make out her rosy nipples and every delicious curve of her body.

A Nymph.

No, she couldn't have been a nymph living in the Human Realm. She probably just didn't realize what a wicked temptation she was in her all too revealing clothes. She bound over the Wall as if it were nothing more than a minor inconvenience, and sauntered to me.

"Show me the beauty of the Spring Court," she said, her unsettlingly beautiful deep blue eyes held mine, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "It's always been my dream to see the world from this side of the Wall."

"I can't, Brie. Even though the war is over, humans will never be safe in this Realm."

Her full, lush lips pulled downward in a pout, and after little hesitation I relented. It had been so long since I'd talked to anyone who didn't see me as a monster, I agreed to a short ride. I helped her up on the horse, situating her in front of me with my arms wrapped around her to hold the reins. We rode for a while in comfortable silence. She didn't know anything about me and I didn't know anything about her, and I could forget for a little while about the mistakes I made, and hatred everyone felt for me.

"Everything's dying," she whispered, sadness filling her tone. "What happened? I used to look over the Wall when I was little, and everything was so green and lush. There were flowers in colors I'd never seen before, and I always imagined they smelled like sunshine and happiness."

"I've never smelled sunshine and happiness before," I chuckled lightly, and breathed in the soft, alluring scent of jasmine from the perfume she wore. "Where did you tell your parents you were going?"

"I'd rather not ruin these precious moments with sad memories," she whispered then nudged Thunder into a gallop. "Do you have a name or do you prefer I call you m'lord for the rest of the day?"

My stomach twisted in knots. Undoubtedly even the humans had heard of my name and my alliance with Hybern. "You can call me Tam or Tamlin," I uttered, pressing my eyes shut as she drew in a sharp breath and her body stiffened. "If you would like to go home now, I completely understand."

"The stories they tell about you around the fires at night fail to mention how you help those in need without expecting anything in return." With a curt nod, her body relaxed and she leaned back into me. "If it's all right with you, I'll make up my own mind about the High Lord of the Spring Court."

"You're a foolish girl," I whispered against her ear.

"Not a girl – a woman," she corrected, looking back at me. "Someday you will tell me your version of the stories, and I will recite them at the fires at night. There can never just be one side of the story when two or more people are involved."

I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd never see her again after she left the Fae Realm. Nor could I tell her she'd granted me the greatest gift by treating me like a person instead of a monster. I wished there was time to show her the starlight pool. I hadn't been there since Feyre left me to join her mate, and every time I thought of venturing to one of my favorite spots in all the Fae Realm, a sickness washed over me. I shared the starlight pool with her out of love for her, and now it felt as if the silvery pool was tainted.

"I've heard stories," she said, interrupting my troubled thoughts, "of Fae having only one true mate. The stories say the bond between mates is so strong a marriage cannot survive if the true mate comes into the picture. Is that true?"

"It's true," I said, circling Thunder around to head toward the Wall. "There is no standing between mates no matter how much you might love someone. They will crush you to get to each other."

"How do you know if someone is your true mate?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "It's not something you can really understand until it happens to you."

"Do you have a mate?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be sitting so intimately close to someone on a horse, now would I?"

"Probably not."

She fell silent again, and not wanting to spoil the peacefulness of the ride, I refrained from asking her anything about herself. From her earlier comment I surmised that her parents were no longer alive, and I didn't want to pry even though I wondered if the burn scars on her arm had happened at the same time. It wasn't as if I'd ever see her again, and I didn't want her to think I was interested in the pursuit of any sort of friendship with a human. I'd made that mistake once already, and never planned to do it again.

All too soon we arrived back at the Wall, and I slid of Thunder to help her down. My hands spanned her tiny waist, and she placed her hands on my shoulders as I gently lifted her of the horse's back and set her down in the dried grass. She hastily pulled her hands away, likely realizing she'd touched the most hated man in her Realm and mine.

I stumbled back a step, and cleared my throat. "Do not trespass on my lands again. Understand?"

"So grumpy," she chuckled, her eyebrows pulling together as her lush, full lips flattening into a stern expression. "I will be on your side of the Wall every day whether you return or not. Hopefully I won't run into any vile creatures if you chose not to come. Lilianna would be very upset if her sister was eaten by a Naga."

At the mention of a Naga, my eyes narrowed on her. "Did she send you? Is this some sort of cruel trick on her part because I haven't been punished enough?"

"I'm not going to dignify your accusations with a response." Turning her back on me, she nimbly leapt over the Wall. Sauntering away without a backward glance, she called over her shoulder, "I'll see you tomorrow, Tamlin."

XxXxXx

I found Lucien in the barn brushing one of my stallions, and stalked to him with deadly stealth. I swung him around, gripped hold of tunic, and hefted him off the ground. The brush fell from his hand, landing on the ground with a dull thud."What game are you playing at?" I growled, clawed nails tearing through his tunic. "Was this your High Lord's way of kicking me when I'm already down?"

"Maybe if you told me what you're talking about, I could answer you better." His golden eye whizzed down to look at my hands gripped in his tunic then back up to look me in the eye. "You were gone longer than I expected. Did something happen at the Wall?"

"Funny you should ask." My grip on his tunic slackened, and he dropped to the ground. "Two humans crossed the Wall. I've patrolled the Wall every day, and have never seen anyone. You show up, and suddenly two humans cross the Wall. Strange coincidence, wouldn't you say?"

"Are you suggesting I persuaded the humans to – to what? Were they so fearsome the High Lord of the Spring Court cowered before them?"

"One was a woman, the other a girl." My hands balled into tight fists, claws digging into the tender skin on my palms. "The girl almost died on my land. If I hadn't happened upon them, she never would've survived. What I want to know is why you tricked them to coming to the Spring Court?"

"Why would I do that?" Turning his back on me, he picked up the brush and resumed brushing the grey stallion he'd been using since his arrival at the Spring Court. "I know you've had a strong aversion to the humans ever since – I wouldn't do that to you."

"If find out you did, I'll snap your scrawny neck and save your family the trouble."

"These humans really got under your skin, didn't they?"

"No," I answered too quickly, and he pivoted to face me, his golden eye studying me closely. "Why would you think that?"

"Don't cross the Wall," he warned as if he really believed I would step foot in the Human Realm. "I'm serious, Tam. Don't do it. The other Courts are looking for a reason to take you down. They don't have to kill you to eliminate the threat you pose."

"I'm a threat to no one," I countered, rolling my eyes. "I stay on my land, never taking a step beyond any border." Waving a hand over myself, I added, "While I appreciate your assessment that I'm a force to be reckoned with, I'm one man against the entire world. So when you return to your High Lord and Lady, you can assure them they've won."

"The woman," he said, refusing to let the matter go, "was she young and pretty?"

"She was horribly scarred from a fire," I said, refusing to share with him how hard my heart pounded as she sat beside me on Thunder. "In case you were wondering, her sister was several years younger than your High Lady when she first crossed the Wall."

"From now on when you go to the Wall to patrol, I'll go with you."

"You won't get much work done digging out the cave if you're following me around, but if that's what you think you should do, who am I to stop you?"

"That won't be a problem." He grinned. "Rhysand pressured every Court to send as many of the High Fae as they can spare to help prepare the cave. They should be here by midday tomorrow."

Thanks for reading. Although I've dabble at writing this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction for Sara Maas' series, and would really appreciate any feedback...


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for reading my story as I play in Sarah Maas' wonderfully created world. I own nothing, but the characters I've created. This chapter contains some violence, and therefore I am putting a warning beforehand. That said, if you're enjoying the story so far, please let me know what you think...thanks again.**

Chapter Four

_Brieanna_

Not a day went by when I didn't dream of the Fae Realm beyond the border. For my father's sake my mother kept silent about her beautiful ethereal family living across the Wall. Whenever she left our home, she'd glamoured herself to look human. No one but the two of us knew she was anything other than a perfectly flawed human. When she died, and my father remarried many, many years later, he made me swear to never tell anyone about the strange strength and speed she possessed. Every day while he was alive, he also reminded me to walk slower and with less grace, and to never share my secret with my sister. I'd done my best to act as a normal human did, but people figured it out nonetheless.

A Fae living amongst humans couldn't be kept hidden forever.

My human blood didn't matter to the men who'd burned our house down in the middle of the night. It burned hot and fast and I thanked whatever gods still listened that my father and stepmother likely died long before they felt fire char their bodies. I couldn't get to them – I tried, but made the terrible choice of saving Lilianna instead. No one should ever have to choose between the people they love as to whether one should live while the other died. I'd saved her, escaping through the tunnel beneath our small cottage then left her hidden in the woods to go back to our home to try to save my father and stepmother. I was close – so damn close to my father's bed. Part of the roof collapsed and my nightgown caught on fire. I swatted at the flames burning my arm, and by the grace of the gods, I somehow managed to put it out, but not before the damage was done. My parents bed burned up before my eyes and I stayed longer than I should have, crying and coughing and crying some more. Only the nagging thought of my little sister spurred me into motion, and I raced out of the tunnel to reach her. From within the shadowed recesses of the forest, I watched the last remnants of my home collapse and the men who clapped each other on the backs for a job well done. I memorized each face, vowing one day to see the light leave their eyes as it had my parents.

We walked for days and days on end, only resting long enough to care for the horrible burns on my arm. By the time we reached our Uncle Seth's home, a fever had set in, and from what my sister told me, I was delirious for more than a week, and she cried every night fearing I would leave her, too. Lost in my fevered dreams, I tethered myself to a golden haired man with beautiful green eyes. He begged me to stay – to wait for him. He promised to find me…to save me, and although he never came, he still kept me alive.

My rubber legs nearly gave out on me when I turned from the Wall to find my golden-haired savior astride a horse, and it took every last shred of willpower not to run into his arms the second he dismounted. If there truly was such a thing as mates, two souls bound to each other then he was the only man for me. Angry at himself and the world, he couldn't see it – he couldn't feel the undeniable bond forming between us as we traveled through his lands, but his aloofness didn't deter me one bit. I would save him from himself, and in turn he would save me.

On my way home I passed by one of the raunchier taverns where my Uncle Seth spent most of his days and nights, and peered in the large dusty window just to make certain he hadn't gone home. With my keen eyesight, I spied him in the far back of the smokey bar with a busty brunette sitting on his lap, kissing him as if she loved him and not the money he'd pay her for a few hours of her time. I breathed a thankful sigh of relief. If I hadn't seen him at the tavern before I left to go back to Tamlin, I wouldn't have returned to the Wall.

The kiss ended and as if he knew he was being watched, he narrowed his muddy brown eyes on the window. My breath lodged in my throat, a tight knot forming as a slow wicked smile spread across his hawkish face. I took off running, heartbeat pounding in my ears, mud splattering up my legs as I splashed through a puddle before rounding the corner at the only mercantile store in the village.

Approaching our small cottage nestled within a grove of apple trees; I noticed all the lanterns in the front had been gutted. Not surprising. Ever since the fire burned down our family home, she never left a lantern or candle burning if she wasn't in the room. Her fear of fire drove my uncle insane, and he punished her with an old leather belt over and over again for something she had no control over. Every time I tried to intervene, he'd threaten to tell everyone I was not quite human, and then he would hit me so hard – so damn hard, shooting stars filled my eyes followed by blissful darkness. Having nowhere else to go and no other family left, we were left to his cruel mercy.

Easing open the front door, I slipped inside, and having memorized the exact location of every piece of furniture, I sidestepped passed a rocking chair then wove around the well worn couch, making my way to the tiny bedroom Lilianna and I shared. One lit candle sat on the bedside table next to the bed we shared, shed a faint halo of light on her. Face buried in the pillows, her body quaked, but she didn't let out a sound as she cried, fearing our uncle would catch her.

"Let me see, Bug," I whispered, crossing the short expanse to take a seat beside her on the lumpy mattress. She shook her head against the pillows, and began to cry in earnest. "I promise I'll make it better." After several more moments of gentle coaxing, she finally sat up and faced me. I gasped. I couldn't help it. One of her golden brown eyes, so like my father's made me ache inside if I look into them too long, was terribly bruised and swollen shut, and a deep cut split her lower lip open. Shamed, she lowered her head. I cupped her jaw in my hand, and lifted her head. "I'll never leave you alone with him again. I swear it."

"W-we need t-to leave," she whispered hoarsely, more tears slipping unchecked down her cheeks.

"Soon," I promised yet again. I'd been saying we'd leave the cottage and Uncle Seth behind for years, but without someplace to go and food and money, we wouldn't survive. Lightly tracing my fingers across her face, over her swollen eye and down to the gash in her lip, I willed my healing light into her body. Slowly the bruises started to fade, and the cut on her lip sealed itself shut, leaving no trace of a scar. My gift of healing was nowhere near as powerful as Tamlin's but it was enough to heal cuts and bruises. "I'm afraid, Bug," I admitted, calling her by the nickname my father had given her. "It was reckless to try to find my mother's family. They might not even know I exist, and they could very easily hate me as much as Uncle Seth does. Even if I wasn't scarred, I'm not normal."

"Hush your mouth," she chastised, clasping hold of my hand. "You're perfect, but you aren't aging, Brie. How much longer do you think it'll take before someone starts to notice?"

"The Night Court is so far away." Recalling how she almost died from the thorns of the berry bush, I shook my head. "It's too dangerous. We'd never make it."

"Perhaps the pretty Fae could escort us to the Night Court."

"You don't call men pretty," I chuckled, giving her hand a light squeeze. "You call them handsome or breathtakingly beautiful."

"Okay, your breathtakingly beautiful Fae could escort us to your family's Court," she said undeterred. "We left our bundles of clothes at the Wall. We'll go back to in the morning, and travel to the High Lord's manor to ask him to take us to see your family."

"You've forgotten the Night Court and the Spring Court are not allies. The High Lord of either Court would never put aside their differences to help us."

"I won't stay in this place any longer, Brie." She tilted her chin in determination. "So we either travel through the Fae Realm or go somewhere else where he won't find us."

"You're much braver than I am," I whispered, brushing the pale blond hair out of her eyes. "I will speak to the High Lord's guard tomorrow." I purposely led her to believe Tamlin wasn't the Fae we met at the Wall. She'd heard every story about him, and although she'd suggested going to see him, she hated him as much as every human and Fae. Even though she had only seen fifteen winters, ten years younger than me, she had always been able to browbeat me into seeing things from her point of view. She wouldn't mean to, but she would tear my heart out if I had to choose between her and the man I couldn't stop thinking about. "We should get some sleep if we're going to walk to the Wall tomorrow."

XxXxXxX

My uncle hadn't returned before we packed up enough food for a few days and headed to of the cottage. Excited to start our journey to the Night Court, Lilianna skipped on ahead of me, humming a happy melody. It never once crossed her mind that Tamlin might not allow us to travel through his lands, much less accompany us to his enemy's Court. I didn't have the heart to crush her hope, but if I told Tamlin the truth about my family, he'd hate me, and even more so if he learned that the High Lord of the Night Court was my cousin. As I walked several paces behind Lilianna, I mulled over how to keep my true family a secret from Tamlin.

_The Fates are cruel choosing a mate for me that will put me at odds with family. But what if he's not my mate?_ I shook my head. _No, to my marrow I felt the bond pulling us together. _

Lilianna circled round and raced to me, looping her arm through mine. "Do you think the High Lady of the Night Court will like me? She was human at one time which means we have a lot in common," she said excitedly, and I could feel my temples start to throb.

"My mother fled the Night Court to be with our father. It's more likely that we won't be allowed to stay." It was such a romantic story, and I loved to hear my mother tell it in her soft, lilting voice. She'd seen my father on the other side of the Wall while her father was visiting the Spring Court on business for the High Lord. They struck up a conversation, and after the first day, she snuck out every night to see him. When it was time for them to leave, she left a note for her father saying that she refused to marry the man he chose for her, and added that he should forget her as she planned to forget him. My parents were married the following day, and they lived happily even after my father started aging while she remained young and beautiful. "If her father made good on her words, we won't be welcomed into the Court with open arms."

"They can't possibly be any worse than Uncle Seth," she said as we approached the Wall. As we drew closer I felt the strong pull of the magic surrounding it, and recalled how it had been destroyed then after the war rebuilt and well fortified in some areas. It took me weeks to find an area in the Wall where the magic lapsed, allowing access into the Spring Court. "Do you think this is where the cruel High Lord of Spring dragged Feyre through the Wall?"

"You should be careful what you say about the High Lord," came an unfamiliar masculine voice from behind us, and I swung around, placing myself in front of Lilianna. Lilianna gasped at the sight of the russet-haired Fae with a strange golden eye that seemed to take in everything around him. Unfolding his arms, he casually pushed away from the tree he leaned against, and came to stand in front of me. "Where do you think you're going?"

"My sister wanted to have a picnic near the Wall," I lied, pointing over my shoulder at the bag of food we'd brought. "It's a beautiful day, m'lord. Or at least it was until you gave us a fright."

His good eye traveled downward to the scars on my arm, and then he looked up at me. "The High Lord of the Spring Court sent me to inform you that you are not to cross the Wall again. If you do, he will put you in his dungeons to rot."

Chest tightening, the smile slipped from my face. He said I wouldn't see him again, but he never once mentioned locking me away in a dungeon. After the day we spent together, I couldn't believe he would be so cruel. "I don't believe you," I uttered, giving up any pretense of having a picnic. "If the High Lord does not wish for me to cross the Wall, he'll have to come and tell me himself."

"Fiesty." The Fae grinned. "Nonetheless, you will return to wherever it is you came from."

"You heard my sister," Lilianna spoke up, scooting around me to face the gaunt Fae. "We're not leaving until the High Lord gets up off his butt, and comes to make us leave."

"Apparently, you haven't heard the stories about the High Lord," he said, folding his arms across his chest. "He is –"

"We have heard the stories," I cut in, glancing over my shoulder at the path we traveled to get to the Wall then looked back to him. "Please, m'lord. If we could just speak to the High Lord –"

"We're seeking sanctuary," Lilianna interrupted, and I cursed under my breath. "Our uncle is a very cruel man, and if he finds out we've run away…you must let us pass into your land."

"This is the last time I'm going to tell you to go home," he said, not the least bit compassionate to our plight. "Our lands are not safe for your kind, and I will not be held responsible for bringing you before the High Lord."

"May the Cauldron be as merciful to you as you have been to us," I hissed, losing my patience with him. "May you find yourself strung up by your ears over a vat of boiling oil. I would cheer for that – I would relish it for the lack of compassion you've shown us." I caught hold of Lilianna's arm, and yanked it harder than I intended to. "Come on, Bug."

"We can't go back, Brie," she pleaded, glancing back the Fae as I dragged her away. "Please, we have to keep going."

"I'll take the beating for you, and when uncle hits me, I'll only be seeing a russet-haired Fae," I snapped bitterly, close to tears. "I curse you, Fae! By whatever gods are listening, I curse you!"

"Then I guess it's a good thing I don't believe in your gods," he chuckled.

XxXxXx

Even though I vowed not to give up, Lilianna cried and dragged her feet the whole way home. I couldn't fault her for being upset as my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach when I heard Tamlin's guard say he forbid us from entering the Spring Court. My eyes stung, but I refused to shed any tears. I kept my back stiff and straight, head held high, scarcely noticing the jagged rocks and roots dig into my bare feet as we made the long walk home. If I didn't have to worry about Lilianna, I would've taken off running and not stop until the Wall and my uncle's home were far, far away.

I breathed a thankful sigh when walked through the front door of the cottage to find it empty. I hurried over to the rickety kitchen table, and thanking whatever gods were listening to my prayers, I crumpled up the note I'd left my uncle. I'd left him nearly the same message my mother left for her father, and at the time it felt like a victory. I stuffed the crumpled piece of paper into the pocket of my dress to burn later in the fireplace. If I lit a fire now and my uncle came home, he would suspect that we were up to something.

While Lilianna started making us sandwiches with the leftover chicken from the night before, I carried our bags into the bedroom to hide under the bed. Pushing open the door, I stepped over the threshold. Someone caught hold of my arm, swung me around, and slammed a beefy fist into my face, dazing me. White hot sparks danced before my eyes, and I could taste blood in my mouth from biting down hard on my lip. Blood leaked down my face from a deep gash left behind by the ring my uncle wore.

"Did you think you'd get away with stealing from me, half breed?" he slurred, his hot breath stinking of strong whiskey. I opened my mouth to deny the accusation, he cut me off with a fist to my stomach, lifting me off the ground with the force of the blow. I doubled over clutching at my stomach, and he gripped hold of my hair, jerking my head up to look him in the eye. "I should bring you out to the center of the village and tell everyone what you really are!"

Through blurred vision, I saw Lilianna frozen at the doorway, tears silently falling down her face. She'd learned long ago never to make a sound around our uncle when he was drunk. I wanted to scream to her to run, but it would only draw attention away from me to her.

"Tomorrow you will start earning your keep at the tavern," he went on to say, yanking on my hair. "I've already spoke to Jed, and he agreed to take you on as one of his whores."

"N-no," I whispered, my eyes beseeching Lilianna to run, but she stayed stock still staring at our uncle. "I-I won't do it – I won't!"

Oh, you wanna bet?" he said in a menacingly low tone, and the next solid punch sent me sprawling to the bed where blessed darkness washed over me.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_Lucien _

Guilt churned in my stomach as I watched the humans walk away. I was sending them away to protect Tamlin, but it did little to lessen the tightness in my chest. They were lying about being abused. Other than the old intricate web of scars on her fingers and arm, I couldn't see a single scar or bruise on either of them. Even if they only had the slightest of bruising, I would've considered escorting them wherever they planned to travel in Prythian. They didn't, and with Calanmai looming like death all around me, I didn't have time to deal with insignificant humans.

There was something strange about her eyes though. Deep blue with black shards edged in silver circling her iris, they felt familiar to me, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't figure out why. Tamlin might be able to help jog my memory, but then I would have to admit I'd gone to the Wall to keep an eye out for them. If I mentioned the strange quality of her eyes, he'd make that his reason to interfere in her life.

On the ride back to the cave I kept reminding myself that they were much better off with us not interfering in their lives. Tamlin had enough problems to deal with, and Feyre and Rhysand would never sit back and let him harm another human. If he crossed the Wall to go after Brie, the Night Court would come down hard upon him, and I couldn't let that happen. Better to warn the humans to stay away from the Spring Court than to have them be the cause of something bad happening to Tamlin.

Tamlin wouldn't see it that way. He'd made his interest in the human plainly clear the night before, and that was why I rode out to the Wall shortly after sunrise. Hopefully the lie I told them would keep them from returning, but just in case it didn't, I planned on patrolling the border at least twice a day until Calanmai was over. And maybe, just maybe, he'd find some faerie at Fire Night to wed.

I'd lied about the High Lord of the Summer Court promising one of his four daughters to Tamlin. If he ever did chose to marry someone, it would have to be to one of the lower born faeries not the High Fae. The High Lords of each Court had gathered to discuss Calanmai, and every single one of them soundly refused to join their Courts to Tamlin's through marriage. I couldn't blame them after he refused to even respond to their request for him to appear at the gathering. They might've felt differently about a marriage between their Court and his if he hadn't been so stubborn.

Yet hopes of him finding a woman to help him forget about Feyre and Rhysand would mean nothing if I couldn't get the cave cleared out by Fire Night. Only three High Fae showed up in response to Rhysand strongly worded request, and of the three only one seemed motivated enough to help remove all the heavy rocks and dig out the fallen dirt and debris. The other two took frequent breaks and complained nonstop about how they weren't created to do manual labor.

Tamlin showed up around the same time as the day before, and took a seat on the flat boulder to watch us work. Seeing him make no attempt to pitch in and help, even Maris began to complain. I called for a break, warning them to not wander off and went to take a seat beside Tamlin.

"It would go a long way in salvaging your Court if you'd lend a hand," I began as I kept an eye on Rodric and Tormon to make sure they didn't leave. "You'll have three witnesses, four including myself, that you did everything within your power to save the Fae Realm. Being stubborn won't win you any allies."

"No, it won't," he agreed, his full lips pressing into a grim line. "But it will save me from being betrayed by anyone ever again."

"You're going to have to learn to trust people again, Tam. You set in motion a tidal wave of events that negatively shaped peoples' opinion of you, and it's going to take time and a lot of work to change their minds."

"I would argue that I was swept up in the fast moving current and dashed against the rocks when your High Lady decided she no longer loved me and failed to mention it to me." He cast a sidelong glance in my direction, and sighed. "Sure, I would've been hurt and angry, but I wouldn't have gone to Hybern in hopes of rescuing her if I'd known Rhysand was her true mate."

I couldn't argue the truth of his words. If she at any point had come back to the Spring Court and professed her love for Rhysand and told the truth about being his mate, Tamlin never would've gone to Hybern in search of help to rescue her. On the other hand, Tamlin could've told her he wasn't okay after what had happened Under the Mountain. They both could have shared their individual trauma from what they endured during their captivity, and maybe in the end they could've parted as friends instead of enemies.

Tamlin wasn't a bad person. He just got caught up in the fear of losing her, and made a decision that cost him everything. "If I loved someone and I feared they were in danger, I would've done the same thing you did," I admitted, thinking of Elain and how my stomach did summersaults when it struck me that she was my mate, and at that point I hadn't even spent any time with her. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel through my bones to my marrow that she was in danger. "I don't want this life for you, Tam. You helped me at a point in time when no one else would and I'm trying to repay the favor."

"I wouldn't have turned my back on you," he said as he got to his feet. "Even if everyone else in the whole Realm thought of you as a traitor, I would've been at your side. The saddest part of the whole sordid story is that you know me – you know how hard I've tried not to be like my father, and you saw me struggling after we returned home, and you never once offered me the help I needed." He bobbed his head at the large rocks piled up beside the mouth of the cave, and shook his head. "So, no . . . I won't help dig out the cave. I'll do my part when the time comes, but when it's over I never want to see you again."

XxXxXx

It was well after dark, long after Tamlin had gone to bed for the night, when I snuck out to meet up with Feyre again. She waited for at the same spot as the night before only this time Rhysand came with her. His arm circled her waist as I approached and together they walked toward me.

"Tell me the cave is ready for Fire Night," he said as I dismounted, his silky black hair blowing across his forehead in the stiff breeze. He pushed the loose strands out of his blue almost violet eyes, and casually tucked his hand in his pocket. "There's only eight days left until Calanmai," he added as if I'd somehow forgotten my purpose for returning to the Spring Court.

"Only three High Fae showed up to help dig out the cave," I informed him, and his smile vanished. "You could always pitch in and help. I'm certain if you were here your inner circle would join you."

"We will not step foot on Spring Court lands," he said, looking to Feyre to see in if she was in agreement with him, and she nodded. "It is enough that I sent you to do this task, and we have worked tirelessly to ensure there will be High Fae and lesser faeries at Fire Night."

"I hope you don't get a paper cut sending out letters," I muttered under my breath. "He said to tell you that you've won. All he wishes is to be left alone."

"We will do as he wishes on every other day except Calanmai," he said, falling silent for several long moments, and I knew they were speaking to each other through the bond they shared as mates. "Every year he will perform his duty, and every year we will renew our vow to leave him to his own devices. It's a fair deal."

"He brought this on himself," Feyre said, and for the first time I noticed how tired she looked. "Our people are growing thinner and weaker by the day, and I fear it will be much worse for the humans."

"The famine and droughts haven't spread to the Human Realm as of yet," I said, recalling how both Brie and her sister looked to be healthy. "Or if it has, it's not as bad as it is here yet."

"How would you know that?" Rhysand asked, and I could swear I saw a shadow of his membranous wings spread out behind his back.

"I was patrolling the Wall before I went to work on the cave and I happened upon two girls. They looked healthy and they had enough food for a picnic. I doubt they would be engaging in such a leisurely pastime if there was widespread famine and droughts."

"Did you warn them it's not safe to be so close to the Wall?" Ferye said, genuine concern for their safety etching her brow. "We should speak to the Queens of the Human Realm to persuade them into passing a law against going near the Wall, and to post guards to insure the law is followed."

"We'll send a message to them once we are home." He smiled and winked her way before turning his attention to me once more. "You're the only one who can get this job done, Lucien. Even if Tamlin is angry he'll listen to you. We are depending on you, and I realize that's a heavy burden for you to carry, but I wouldn't have sent you to him if I didn't think you could persuade him into doing his duty for the sake of the Realm."

Torn between the vow I'd made to serve the Night Court and the friend who'd saved my life on more than one occasion, I couldn't mouth the words that would make me feel like even more of a traitor. I wanted to be the kind of man Elain would be proud to call her mate, but I also wanted my friend back, and I feared I would once again have to choose one over the other. They winnowed away before I could voice my feelings, leaving me with a hollow, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I returned to the manor, breathing a thankful sigh when I saw no lights on inside the main house, and went inside the barn to get some sleep after feeding and brushing Silverstar. I searched the darkness to find a lantern and just as I found it dim lights burst to life overhead, and Tamlin stepped out of the shadows.

"Do you go back and report everything I say and do to them?" he said, not bothering to hide how much it hurt him that I would continue to betray him.

"They're concerned about the wellbeing of our people, Tam," I said, unable to look him in the eye. "I didn't tell them anything unrelated to the problem at hand."

"I once thought of you as the brother I always wanted, now I see you as the same as the brothers I already had. No matter how underhanded and cruel, they always did anything and everything to please my father, and that's what you do for the High Lord and his Lady."

"That's not fair to say," I said, shoulders slumping. "I'm trying to bring peace between your Court and theirs. I want to be able to come and visit you and have it be like it was before you met Feyre. If you'll just meet me halfway, we could –"

"I'm not the same man as I was when I considered you my best friend," he interjected before I could finish. "All I can see in front of me is a very long life of misery and loneliness. Occasional visits from you won't change that."

"It could if we found you someone to share your life with." I closed the distance between us and rested a hand on his shoulder. "There will be plenty of women at Calanmai, and the woman you chose that night could bring you the happiness you are longing for."

"I will not bind myself to some woman I don't even know and make her as miserable as I am."

"Then I vow I will stay with you until you find some small measure of happiness in your life," I said, fearing I'd condemned myself to living out the rest of my life with a man who'd lost hope he could redeem himself and didn't even bother to try. "I'll tell Feyre and Rhysand the next time we speak that I've made this vow to you."

"What of your mate? I highly doubt she'll be pleased to hear you've made a vow to the man who was directly responsible for her becoming a High Fae."

"She scarcely speaks to me, and I'm beginning to wonder if she'll ever accept me as her mate," I admitted in a hoarse whisper, meeting his gaze for a moment before lowering my head.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and surprisingly it sounded as if he really meant it. "I'll see you in the morning," he added, turning to walk out of the barn, stopping short at the wide double doors. "Don't make the same mistakes I made, Lucien. Make certain she loves you, and if she doesn't walk away before you ruin your life for her."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_Tamlin_

Even though I made it very clear to Brie that I wouldn't return to the Wall to see her, I somehow managed to end up there, waiting for hours and hours for her. She never showed up, and I silently vowed I wouldn't be foolish enough to fall for false kindness again. I couldn't fathom why it mattered so much if some silly human girl – woman liked me or not. Yes, I knew why. She'd been kind when I truly believed there was no kindness left for me in the world, and she made me feel as if someone could care for me even though I didn't feel as if I deserved it.

Needing time to compose myself, I walked home with Thunder trailing behind me. When I first met Feyre, I wore a mask of gold with inlaid jewels as part of the Amarantha's curse. Now I wore a hidden mask to hide to the deep burning ache that made it almost impossible to get out of bed each morning. Even though I'd never admit it to anyone, there were plenty of days when I stayed locked in my bedroom just so I wouldn't have to walk through an empty house.

When I finally made it to the manor, I discovered Lucien hadn't returned from the cave yet, and my shoulders sagged. It had only been a few days, and most of the time we argued, but I found myself craving the sound of his voice. It made the manor seem less empty and more like a home. Nonetheless, when he showed up for dinner, I scarcely spoke a word as he rambled on about useless, lazy High Fae taking more breaks than doing actual work. Again he asked for my help, and I grunted in response.

It wasn't a matter of not wanting to help him. I would've gladly lent a hand if at any point he stopped being Feyre and Rhysand's mouthpiece and really saw me. There wasn't a single conversation we had that hadn't revolved around Calanmai or the need to accept the terrible existence the Caldron had deemed to be my fate. It was as if he'd hit his head, and couldn't remember anything beyond my deal with Hybern. He spoke of the good man I'd once been, but never referenced his point in any great detail. I waited and hoped he'd bring up happy memories of the two of us patrolling or nights we spent in various villages drinking way too much and stumbling home. No one wanted to be reminded of their glaring faults every single day, and that's Lucien had become to me. A constant reminder of the worst moments of my long life, and the real sick part of it was that I hung onto every word he said.

Every night he snuck out to meet Feyre and Rhysand to share with them every minute detail of the day. And just as he reported to them, my birds reported to me. Surprisingly, he did defend me, and after hearing that from my ravens, I asked them to only repeat any information pertaining to the Night Court's plans regarding what to do with me. By the time he returned to the barn from meeting with them that night, I had already heard Rhysand's promise to leave me in peace, renewing the vow every year after Calanmai. It was the best I could hope for under the circumstances, and yet it still left me feeling hollow and worn thin.

_Someday you will tell me your version of the stories, and I will recite them at the fires at night. There can never just be one side of the story when two or more people are involved. _Brie's soft, lilting voice whispered through my mind as I walked away from Lucien, and it followed me into my dreams.

_"Help me, Tamlin," she cried into the darkness surrounding us. Then suddenly someone lit a lantern, illuminating her bruised and battered face, and I growled in rage, anger seething through me that someone would dare to harm her. _

_"Who did this to you?" I whispered, dropping down beside her on the bed to graze my fingers along the dried blood streaking her swollen cheek. Pressing her eyes shut, she cried all the harder. "I'll kill him," I gritted out, trembling with the need to tear my claws through the man's throat. _

_"Oh, I don't think so," came a male voice from behind me, and as he stepped out of the shadows, I caught sight of her blood on his hands. "If you cross the border, the Night Court will end your pathetic life."_

_I willed the beast within me to emerge, but nothing happened. My claws stayed buried beneath my skin, and worse still, shackles appeared around my wrists and ankles attached together by chains. One by one the chain links vanished until my body curled inward upon itself. Helpless. I couldn't free myself. I couldn't save her. A knife appeared in his hand, the metal gleaming in the lantern light, and she screamed._

I bolted upright in bed screaming her name. Fear unlike anything I'd ever felt before coiled in my gut, bile quickly rising in my throat, and I didn't make it to the bathroom before I puked. Knees buckling, I crumpled to the ground, and retched over and over again.

_I couldn't save her._ My mind kept repeated those same words, growing louder and louder as I dragged myself up into a sitting position, and wrapped my arms around my long legs. _It was just a dream,_ I kept reminding myself as my body shook uncontrollably.

I'd had so many nightmares since I left Under the Mountain, and while Feyre still slept in my bed, I would crawl to the edge near her feet, and sleep there to be the first thing any attacker saw when the burst through the door. I hadn't been able to protect her when she needed me most. If I gave any sign of the love I felt for her, Amarantha would've had her tortured every single day before her trials. She threatened Feyre's life with the cruelest forms of torture possible, waiting for me to break and beg for her life. Her red faced guards would bring me to her bedroom with the sole purpose of showing me different instruments of torture she'd use on Feyre if I didn't bend to her will, and I knew with fiber I had in me that if I relented, Feyre would suffer the most excruciating death possible.

For all his strength and power to bend minds to his will, Rhysand would not have been able to save her. Maybe if I had told her why I kept silent and aloof in her presence in the Great Hall, she wouldn't have fallen out of love with me.

But at least my conscience was clear when it came to Clare Beddor, and not even Rhysand could take that away from me. When they brought her before Amarantha, I told the truth that I'd never seen her before. Rhysand knew she wasn't Feyre, but brought her to Amarantha anyway. He couldn't allow his mate to die, and Feyre had chosen a perfect sacrifice in Clare Beddor. I didn't realize it at the time or for almost a year after, but when Amarnatha had asked her if she still wanted to claim someone who would do that to an innocent, and Feyre said yes, she meant Rhysand not me.

If I ever saw Brie again, I would tell her the sad story of Clare Beddor, and how her brutal death brought Rhysand and Feyre together. No one ever told that story. No one wanted to paint their saviors in a bad light, and with my downfall in asking Hybern for help, they never had to own up to the wicked things they did to survive. Not to say Feyre didn't feel gut wrenching guilt over Clare's death, but Rhysand didn't. All that anyone would have to do to learn about Rhysand's darker side was to visit the Court of Nightmares. As High Lord of the Court, he tortured people to keep his subjects in line, and then returned above ground to his chosen Fae in Velaris where he was seen as a great man. Which was the real Rhysand and which was the imposter? In my way of thinking, no one could act that wicked without there being a darkness rotting in his soul.

Lucien was right, and I could taste the bitterness of my broken life on my tongue. I tried my hardest not to think about the two of them, but my mind always kept circling back to all my failings that dragged me under most days, and it all came back to them. I kept wishing I could somehow turn back in time and she would tell me the truth. Was I such a horrible person to her that she feared I would harm her if she told me she didn't love me anymore?

I was, but I was never on purpose.

I suffocated her, put so many restrictions on her no one could survive, and I kept telling myself it was for her own safety and that someday I would not be so damn afraid that she would die. I'd locked her inside the house with an invisible barrier and blew up a room around her, and all I kept saying was how sorry I was – it sickened me to think of the man I'd become. I could see myself doing and saying things I never imagined I'd do or say, but I couldn't stop. I'd always been very protective of the people of my Court and anyone who sought my help, but Amarantha had kicked that instinct into overdrive while I was her prisoner in hopes of getting some reaction out of me whenever she had brought Freye into the Throne Room. She dug her talons deep into my mind, ferreting out my worst fear, and played out different horrific scenarios in my mind as Feyre was locked in the dungeon below.

Slowly dragging myself up off the cold marble ground, I went into the bathroom to wash the acrid taste from my mouth then left the house to go the barn. Hours from dawn, twinkling stars filled the sky, and realizing Lucien would be asleep, I almost turned around twice. _No, I need him to know the truth._ Careful not to make a sound, I slipped inside the barn, and heard him snoring loudly up in the loft. I crept up the wooden stairs, wincing as they creaked, but Lucien didn't stir from his bed in the hay. At first I tapped him gently on the shoulder then shook when he failed to wake.

"Tam?" he blinked rapidly, his eyes adjusting to the moonlight pouring in the wide window. "Is something wrong?"

"Can we talk?"

Hr groaned, and rolled over, pulling his pillow over his head. "Can we talk in the morning," he muttered. "That's when normal people talk."

"I have to tell you something and if I wait until morning, I'll change my mind."

Grumbling under his breath, he sat up and stretched his arms out, his mouth opening in a wide yawn. "What's the matter?"

"I need you to feel something." I crouched beside him, took hold of his hand, and ran it through my hair, pressing his fingers against each of the ten curved shaped scars in my scalp that never went away. His eyes narrowed, brow scrunching in confusion. "What are those marks?"

"I told you Amarantha tortured me Under the Mountain, and those are the scars that remain," I straightened to my full height, and went to sit at the edge of the loft, hanging my feet over the side. He followed and took a seat next to me. "While she was good at physically torturing Fae, she excelled at mentally torturing them."

"What did she do to you?"

Unable to look him in the eye, I lowered my head, and stared down at the ground below. "She made me live out Feyre's death over and over again, until I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't anymore. Every time she dug her talons into my brain, she managed to outdo herself on the way Feyre died. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop it – couldn't save her. For all my strength and power, I was the weakest man alive . . . I may have killed Amarantha in the end, but she still won. The horrible nightmares of Feyre's death still persist to this day, and they've made me into the man I am."

"Why didn't you ever tell her or me?" he uttered, his voice thick with emotion. "We could've found a way to help you."

"Feyre was dealing with her own trauma from what happened, and I was supposed to be the strong one, helping her get through the hard times." I chanced a glance in his direction, and saw the sadness in his one good eye and etched across his face. "I kept thinking the crippling fear would go away if I just gave myself enough time, but it never has."

"Rhysand," he whispered, understanding dawning on him.

"How could I not despise a man who could enter my mind at will and do even more damage?"

"He wouldn't do that, Tam," he said, defending his High Lord.

"He's done it before, likely many times," I countered, staring down at my trembling hands. "You saw what he did to the Fae Under the Mountain when Amarantha ordered him to find out why he tried to escape. He crushed that man's mind, and although some would say it was a mercy, it doesn't make it any less brutal."

"What other choice did he have? He did what he had to do to protect Feyre."

"All I know is that when Rhysand dragged Feyre before Amarantha, proclaiming they made a deal for her to spend a week a month in his Court, he sealed my fate, and after that her worst deaths were at his hand." I took a slow deep breath, and heaved a sigh. "I'm not asking you to turn against your High Lord and Lady, Lucien. I'm only telling you why I did the terrible things I did because we were once friends, and I'm asking you to keep what I've told you to yourself."

"We're still friends, Tam," he said as I got to my feet. "That's why I'm here. I want to help you regain some of your lost honor."

"I'm going beyond the Wall in the morning," I informed him, and his golden eye spun round and round until it settled on me, a sure sign I'd rattled him. "Don't worry. I'll be glamoured to look like any other insignificant human."

"Why do you need to go there? You'll only cause yourself more heartache and pain when you overhear what the humans think of you."

"I need to see for myself how far the famine and droughts have spread." It was good of an excuse as any, and one he couldn't argue with. To make certain he didn't try to stop me from going to search for Brie, I added, "When I return, I'll clear out the cave for Calanmai."

"I'll go with you so I can give Rhysand and Feyre an accurate report of how far the droughts and famine have spread."

"I'm going alone!" I growled, at the end of my patience with being treated as if I planned to hurt someone or make another deal that would bring about the end of the Fae Realm. "You say you want to rekindle our friendship, if that's true you're going to have to trust me. If you can't do that then I see no point in having further conversations."

"Okay," he said after a lengthy pause, "I'll stay here and work on the cave, but if you don't return by dinner, I'm going to come after you."

"You're acting as if I'm going to abandon my home and live amongst the humans." I feigned a shudder at the idea of being surrounded by humans for the rest of my long life. "I'll be home before dinner."

XxXxXx

I couldn't have cared less about the dire problems facing our Realm or the Human's side of the wall. My only concern was finding Brie and keeping her safe. The nightmare had felt so real – too real, and my stomach churned at the thought of finding her dead. Crazy as it seemed, I couldn't stop thinking about her, wondering where she was and what she was doing. If Lucien found out my plan to find her and her sister and bring them to stay with me until I'd eliminated whatever threat had drove them to my side of the Wall in the first place, he would've gone straight to his High Lord and Lady to have them stop me.

I made my way back to the barn shortly after the sun started to rise, and stopped short at the threshold as Lucien started screaming as if he was being slaughtered. My heartbeat thundering in my ears, I raced up the stairs taking them two at a time, and found him thrashing around on the bed of hay. His one good eye was wide open, and he looked absolutely terrified.

"Lucien!" I shouted, shaking him, but his eye remained wide and glazed. It took me several long moments of shaking him until I realized he was asleep. Not knowing what else to do, I slapped him hard across the face, and he blinked. "You were having a nightmare, Lucien," I said, noting how dazed and confused he still looked.

"I-I they were – I was strung up –" He grabbed at his ears, pulling on them. "My ears. I was strung up by my ears and I couldn't get away, and there was this big black cauldron filled with boiling oil." He bolted upright, and grabbed at his feet. "They were burning – I could feel the flesh on my feet melting away."

"It was a nightmare," I assured him, acutely aware of how real some dreams felt. "You've had a lot on your mind trying to get everything ready for Calanmai, and the stress has manifested itself in your dreams."

"No!" He shook his head emphatically. "It wasn't a nightmare, Tamlin. It was real, and if you hadn't saved me I'd be dead right now."

"I think you're being a little melodramatic, but okay." I waved a hand around the loft. "Where's the boiling oil or the men who strung you up by your ears?"

"I don't know," he hissed, glaring at me. "All I know is that I would've died if you hadn't come to find me."

"Have you by any chance made an enemy of a very powerful High Fae who wishes to do you harm?"

"The only ones who wish me dead are my family and –" His voice trailed off abruptly, and the color leeched from his face. "You're right, it was just a nightmare."

From his expression I could clearly see he knew who had tampered with his dream but didn't want to tell me, and it was no longer my responsibility to protect him. "Well, now that we've settled that, I'm gonna head out." I hitched a thumb over my shoulder at the barn door below. "If I'm not home by dinner, don't come looking for me. I plan to travel as far as I can to check on water supplies and if crops are starting to fail, but I promise I'll be home by tomorrow morning at the latest."

"All right," he mumbled, and from the faraway look in his russet, I realized he hadn't even been paying attention to me. "Remember your promise," he added as I walked down the stairs, "I don't follow you, and in return you clear out the rest of the cave."

"It'll be done by tomorrow."

**Thank you for taking the time to read my story based on Sarah Maas' wonderful books. Hopefully everyone reading is enjoying the story, and it's my hope to redeem a fallen man. As Brie said there can never be only one side of the story when two or more people are involved, and I just felt there had to be more to Tamlin's silence and indifference Under the Mountain than to just act as if he didn't care about Feyre. Everything Tamlin did after their captivity was motivated out of being terrified something would happen to Feyre. Lucien told her this, and using the word terrified just feels as if there has to be more to the change we see in him by book two. Although he was written as someone who is protective of the people he cares about, no one changes that drastically without very specific reasons. Let me know what you think or if you're enjoying the story...thanks again for reading**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

_Lucien_

As soon as Tamlin was gone, I quickly dressed and flew down the stairs, my feet scarcely touching each step. So wrapped up in the nightmare it took me longer than it should have to remember Brie cursing me to die in the exact same way as in my dream. More than likely my dream was just a coincidence and her cursing me was nothing more than the human's attempt to frighten me. My subconscious could've easy recalled her threat and played it out as a nightmare because of the gnawing guilt I felt over lying to them about Tamlin's order to stay out of the Spring Court. Although I'd done it to protect him, it still weighed heavily on my mind.

It was laughable to think a mere human could possess the kind of power it would take to reach across the distance between us to enact some sort of revenge. If anyone ever found out that I'd even considered the possibility of a human with power equal to or greater than a High Lord, I'd become a laughingstock. Even Rhysand couldn't reach across vast distances to control someone's mind, and he was the most powerful Fae in all existence.

I cast aside any lingering doubts about Brie and slowed my pace as I entered the manor. Tamlin had left breakfast on the table along with a note to feed any leftovers to the High Fae who'd made camp near the cave. My stomach rumbled and I dove into the crispy bacon and eggs as if I hadn't eaten in years. If it hadn't been for the broken furniture and shattered glass that Tamlin stubbornly made reappear every time I cleaned up the mess, it would've felt like old times.

After wolfing down three pancakes, a plate full of eggs and bacon, I packed up the leftovers for the men. My doubts about Brie returned with a vengeance as I neared the cave, and this time I couldn't talk myself out of confronting her. I handed off the basket of food to Tormon, and making the excuse of business to attend to for Rhysand I swiftly rode away on Silverstar before he questioned me.

I sat beneath the shade of an old willow tree on the humans' side of the Wall for hours waiting to see if Brie and her sister would return. Tamlin could've already run into them if they took the same path as him. If he did and she told him about our encounter the day before, any hope of rekindling our friendship would be ruined. He hadn't fooled me in the slightest. He wasn't going to check for water and food shortages, he wanted to find her, and it seemed as if she failed to mention where she lived. It crossed my mind several times that with his eagerness to see her again, and her desire to enter the Spring Court that they might be mates, but then I reasoned that the Cauldron couldn't be that cruel to him or her.

I'd just started to doze off when I heard whispered voices and recognized them instantly. Pushing up off the ground, I strode out onto the grassy path to wait for them. My golden eye honed in on them, and I drew in a sharp breath. Her younger sister's arm circled Brie's waist, and Brie leaned heavily on her for support. Even from a distance I clearly saw the deep bruising on her face and the gash on her cheek. She cradled an arm around her stomach, leaving me with little doubt there were more hidden bruises. In a blur of speed I reach them, and carefully lifted her off the ground to carry her across the border.

"What happened?" I uttered, guilt swarming in my stomach and tightening in my chest.

"We told you we were seeking sanctuary from our uncle!" the girl Brie called Bug snapped, glaring at me. "This is yours and the High Lord's fault!"

"I –I'm sorry," I whispered, panic setting in when I imagined what Tamlin would do to me if he saw Brie in this condition. I'd sent her away to protect him, and it cost her the beating she'd endured. "I'm so sorry, Brie. I-I didn't know. . . ."

"I'm glad you feel guilt. It means there is hope for you," Brie whispered, and lifting her hand, she waved it over her face and the bruises and cut on her cheek and lower lip vanished. My jaw slackened, arms turning to rubber and I almost dropped her. Her sister giggled, actually giggled at how dumbfounded I must've looked. "Set me down," Brie commanded, and I numbly obeyed. "I like that stupid look on your face," she added, and her sister nodded.

"How?" I uttered as I stared at where the bruises had been on her heart-shaped face. "Humans don't have power to rival that of the High Fae."

"No, they don't," she agreed, and taking hold of her sister's hand they started walking in the direction of the manor. "My mother's name was Mara? Have you ever heard of her?"

"No," I shook my head emphatically as my body began to tremble, "you can't be her daughter. Mara died in an accident on the way home from the Spring Court."

"Is that the story my grandfather told everyone?" She glanced over her shoulder at me and smiled. "When my mother did die, she passed on all her powers to me. That is how it works, isn't it?"

"You inherited her powers?"

"Crazy, I know," she chuckled.

"It is rather bizarre," her sister agreed, turning to stick her tongue out at me.

"She once told me they called her the Dream Weaver," she said as they continued walking, forcing me to chase after them.

"If you are truly her daughter, why would you ever be afraid of your uncle?"

"At my father's request, my mother bound all my powers but my healing ability, and told me when I needed them the most to call her name – Mara, Dream Weaver of the Night Court. Last night I called out to her, and my powers washed over me with tidal force. I wove three dreams and gave them out last night." She paused in her steps to look back at me. "I am not a cruel person, Lucien," she said, calling me by name even though I hadn't told her what it was. "Our only wish is to live in peace away from the cruelty of both Realms. Isn't that right, Lilianna?"

"It is," Lilianna agreed. "You can't even begin to imagine what it was like to have people hate us enough to burn our parents alive or to have a drunken uncle beat me for extinguishing a lantern."

"I would like to make the Spring Court our new home, but if the High Lord does not wish to allow us to stay then we'll travel to the Night Court."

"I'll speak to Tamlin on your behalf," I said even though I had no intention of telling him a new Dream Weaver had risen and wanted to make his lands her own. There wasn't a Fae in the Realm who hadn't feared the Dream Weaver, and if she truly was Tamlin's mate, I needed to warn Rhysand and Feyre. "He's away at the moment, but I can find you a place to stay until he returns."

"Thank you," she said, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm truly sorry for weaving into your dreams."

"No, it's my fault. I should've realized you were the new Dream Weaver."

"You're trying too hard," she chuckled and Lilianna joined in. "You couldn't have possibly known who I am." She lightly touched her fingers to the scar on my face. "We're not that different, Lucien. You've known your own share of pain and torture, and I don't wish anymore upon you."

"What happened yesterday that made you finally call out your mother's name?" I asked, fearing it had to have been really bad if none of the other beatings had spurred her into becoming the Dream Weaver.

"After my uncle beat me unconscious, he turned his anger on my sister." Her strange, but beautiful deep blue eyes turned watery as she took a deep breath and slowly released it. "I woke to find her barely breathing and bleeding from several stab wounds. I tried to heal her – I tried and I tried, but she was dying and I knew I couldn't save her if I didn't unbind my powers." She looked at Lilianna and smiled. "Never again will anyone ever harm my sister. I won't allow it."

"And I won't allow anyone to harm you either," Lilianna returned the sentiment, hugging her arms around Brie.

"You're safe with me," I said, nudging my head in the direction of one of the abandon villages. "Once I get you settled in, I'll go get you some food from the manor."

"I didn't like you at first, but I think we're going to be good friends," Brie said, reaching out to take her sister's hand.

"Well, I wouldn't want you as my enemy so friends it is," I said awkwardly, stomach doing wild flip flops.

I took them to one of the nicest thatched roofed homes in the village, pointing out the cobblestone path leading to a red door, and explained to them that once Calanmai was over the yard would be filled with fragrant flowers of every color imaginable. I left them at the door, and hurried away to rummage through Tamlin's food stores to bring them enough food to last until Fire Night. They thanked me over and over again, making me feel sick inside for having to tell Rhysand about Brie. They invited me to lunch, but I made the excuse of having to help prepare for Calanmai, and rushed away.

I couldn't go back to the manor, couldn't be in the home of the man I was about to betray again. I kept telling myself I was doing Tamlin a favor that I was saving him from someone as powerful as the Dream Weaver. It didn't do any good. Even though I was directly responsible for her sister almost dying, she was kind to me and appreciative of the home and food I'd provided for her. If I could be absolutely certain she wouldn't use her power again, I wouldn't have to inform Rhysand. But I couldn't be certain, and I'd pledged my loyalty to Rhysand and Feyre, and couldn't break my oath to another High Lord.

Thankfully Tamlin hadn't arrived home by the time I left to meet Feyre and Rhysand, and the closer I got to our meeting location, the sicker I felt. If Brie was really Tamlin's mate, could I really turn her over to his enemies?

"You look upset," Feyre said as I dismounted from Silverstar. "Are you all right, Lucien?"

"What happened?" Rhysand asked before I could respond to Feyre. "What did Tamlin do?"

"Mara had a daughter before she died – there's a new Dream Weaver," I blurted out knowing that if I waited to give them the information, I wouldn't tell them.

With the full moon shining on his him, I saw the color drain from his face. "Impossible. Mara died in an accident."

"Who's Mara?" Feyre asked, glancing between Rhysand and me, and when we didn't respond she asked again.

"The most deadly Fae ever to be created," Rhysand said, and for once he didn't appear unruffled by the news. "Feyre, when are you and I at are most vulnerable?"

She bit at her lower lip as she considered her answer. "When we sleep."

"The Dream Weaver attacks us while we sleep, and she doesn't even need to be in the same Court. If she is your enemy, you can never sleep while she's alive."

"Not only that," I interjected, "she can ferret out information from a person while they are sleeping and suggest ways for her victims to kill themselves."

"And she's impervious to being controlled by another…I can't control her mind and that makes her extremely dangerous."

"What should we do?" Feyre asked, visibly rattled by the news.

"Maybe we can entice her into working for us as her mother used to work for my father."

"That could work," I said, keeping the part about my suspicions that she was Tamlin's mate to myself. "She has a human sister and if you treat her well, the Dream Weaver will be very grateful."

"Where is she?" Rhysand said.

"The Human Realm." The lie came out so smoothly I almost believed it myself. I believed her when she said she had no wish to hurt anyone, wanting only to live in peace with her sister, and even if they treated her and her sister well, giving them everything they desired, they'd still be prisoners of the Night Court. "Tamlin's agreed to clear out the rest of the cave which means I can devote my time to winning her over for you."

"I want to see my cousin. She needs to see for herself that we mean her no harm, and that can't be done if she's only speaking to you on our behalf."

"I'll try to persuade her into coming to meet with you."

"If she's never lived on this side of the Wall she could be afraid of us," Feyre said which couldn't have been further from the truth. She was more afraid of the humans than the Fae. "Maybe if I spoke to her, I could convince her that we only want the best for her and her sister."

"That's a good idea, Feyre," Rhysand said. "You can share with her and her sister your experiences in the Night Court to alleviate any fears the Dream Weaver might have."

"What if she doesn't want to live on the Night Court lands?" I said, fearing Brie would never be truly happy unless she was with Tamlin and would keep trying to get back to him no matter how good they made life for her in the Night Court. "What is she finds her mate and he doesn't live in your Court?"

"Then he'll move to our Court," Rhysand said as if it was as simple as that, and Feyre nodded in agreement.

"If she finds her mate he will be welcomed into our Court and our family."

I almost laughed at the thought of them welcoming Tamlin into their family with open arms. "I'm sure any mate she chooses would love living in Velaris with the two of you." As I hadn't seen them together yet, I could've been wrong about Tamlin and Brie, and I could only pray to the Cauldron that I was wrong. "The Dream Weaver wants to live on our side of the Wall with her sister. She grew up in fear of the humans and with good reason. They burned her father and stepmother alive, and the uncle she now lives with beat her and her sister on a regular basis."

"Why didn't she weave into these men's dreams and kill them?" Rhysand said, a hint of doubt entering his tone. "If she is truly the Dream Weaver her first instinct would be to kill anyone who harmed her even in the slightest way."

"She has Mara's eyes," I stated flatly. I'd only ever caught a few quick glimpses of her, but I would never forget the strange surreal quality of her deep blue eyes. "They're like the night sky just before darkness swallows up the light and yet you can still see the stars within them only they are black with hints of silver instead of white."

"May the eyes of the Dream Weaver never fall upon you," Rhysand whispered an old blessing still spoken amongst some of the Fae and faeries of the Prythian, and I responded in kind. "We need to keep this to ourselves until she is secured within the Night Court. If any other Court learned of her existence, they would all be vying to win her over to their side."

"Does Tamlin know about her?" Feyre asked.

"No." Another lie. "He wants nothing to do with the humans. He stays away from the border, and actually spends most of his free time watching me work." And the lies just kept spewing out of my mouth, digging me a bigger hole to get out of if they ever learned the truth.

"Next time you see my cousin tell her the Night Court would be honored to welcome her and her sister into our lands. Let her know I cannot wait to meet her and would be more than happy to help her hone her newly acquired powers. Without guidance and proper training her powers could overwhelm her and she could end up worse than her mother."

I should've kept my mouth shut and nodded, but I couldn't help but ask, "If Mara was as bad as every Fae and faerie feared she was why'd she leave our lands to live amongst the humans?"

"She was in love," Feyre said, looking to Rhysand, and from their expressions I knew they were talking to each other through their shared bond. "No one is all good or all bad, and perhaps love for the human changed her heart."

"There are plenty of High Fae in Velaris for her to chose from, and if she's anywhere near as beautiful as her mother was, she'll have dozens of men flocking to her," Rhysand said, casually tucking his hand into the pocket of his black jacket with fine silver and golden strands woven through the material. "When she arrives at Velaris we'll throw a grand ball to welcome her and her sister."

"Maybe Az can be her escort." As she was once human and knew how difficult and frightening the Fae Realm could be, Feyre would be the perfect choice to take Brie and Lilianna under her wing and help them get accustom to our lands and people. Unlike Rhysand who saw her as a threat with good reason, Feyre realized that Brie's only real concern was for the safety of her sister and she could relate to that on a personal level. "He was very helpful to me when I was new to the Night Court and I feel as if he would do the same for the Dream Weaver and her sister."

"If you're going to play matchmaker it would be for the best if we kept her true identity from everyone for a while," Rhysand said, and I couldn't have agreed more with him. "If not, no one would come to the ball even if it was commanded of them to do so."

"We should at least tell Mor about her. They are related after all." Feyre laced her fingers through Rhysand's. "And if her eyes are so distinct I don't see how we'll be able to keep who she is a secret for long especially amongst our friends."

"I have to get back before Tamlin realizes I'm missing," I interrupted as Rhysand opened his mouth to speak, hitching a thumb over my shoulder. "He promised to clear out the rest of the cave tomorrow, but if he comes out to the barn and finds me missing he could change his mind."

"You're sleeping in the barn?" they said in unison, and Feyre went on to add, "I'm sorry, Lucien. If I'd known he'd treat you this way, I would've –"

"I don't mind it," I said, cutting her off. "The manor's in ruins but the barn is warm and dry." I shrugged. "Under the circumstances he's treating me much better than I expected."

"When this ordeal is over with, you'll be rewarded for your service to the Prythian," Rhysand promised as I climbed onto the stallion and settled into the saddle. "I know it's in your heart to rekindle your friendship with Tamlin. I won't stand in your way if he heals the land on Fire Night."

XxXxXx

Tamlin didn't return from across the border until the sun was nearly setting the following day. He stalked past me without saying a word and went inside the manor. Guilt kept me from following him inside, and I winced as I heard him let out a roar of sorrow and despair. There was no other way to describe the heart wrenching sound, and it was then that I was certain Brie was his true mate.

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. She was a High Fae of the Night Court and her cousin the High Lord despised her mate. They belonged together and yet it was my job to tear them apart. Better to bring Brie and her sister with me to meet Rhysand and Feyre tonight than to risk Tamlin finding her walking through his lands or her coming to the manor to see him. But when it came right down to it, I couldn't do it. When I saw them that night at our usual meeting place, I lied again and again, not just for Tamlin and Brie but for Feyre, Rhysand, myself and everyone living in the Night Court. I'd felt the realness of her nightmares and if Tamlin hadn't woken me, I would've died.

_May the eyes of the Dream Weaver never fall upon you._ But they had fallen upon me and I believed she'd been merciful and merely gave me a warning not to interfere. Or maybe her nightmare was simply a way to get me to help her and her sister across the border. She didn't seem surprised to see me waiting at the Wall for them. No, she'd been expecting me and the glamour proved my suspicions. She was clever, much smarter than most humans, likely taught by her mother as a way to survive if she ever crossed into Prythian.

"You're quiet tonight," Tamlin said, breaking in on my troubled thoughts, and pointed at the mashed potatoes at the end of the table "I wouldn't have interrupted your planning and scheming if the potatoes weren't out of my reach."

Muttering a curse under my breath, I handed him the bowl of potatoes. "You never said what you saw in the Human Realm. Is it better than it is here?"

"It would depend on what you consider good living conditions. The poorest of the lesser faeries live in better dwellings than most of the humans I came across in my travels. Even if I do perform the ritual, I doubt their lives will benefit from it."

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't –"

"Yes, I know what I have to do," he cut in, stressing every word. "You don't have to keep reminding me, Lucien."

"I'm sorry, it's just that you promised to clear out the cave when you got back, and it's still not done."

"It is done," he stated, taking a bite of perfectly seasoned roast beef. He chewed it down and then took a long swallow of berry wine. "Your workers refused to acknowledge me when I asked where you ran off to, and wanting them off my land I cleared the cave." Setting down his glass, he studied my golden eye. "Do you remember when I went to the Day Court to speak to Illya about making you an eye that could not only see further than normal Fae sight but also discern truths from lies and hone in on any treachery within my Court?" Swallowing hard, I nodded. "You knew Feyre was up to something and never told me, but the thing is she played you for a fool, too. All those sly glances and touches to turn me against you. You never saw it. You only saw me reacting to scenarios she set up to turn you against me." He laughed mirthlessly. "The real kicker was when I found the two of you all wrapped up in each other's arm. The ridiculous look on your face was priceless as you suddenly realized her state of dress." He laughed again and shook his head. "Here's the real question you should be asking yourself, Lucien. What if I went into a blind rage and killed you for what looked like two lovers tangled up in each other trying to get to the bed across the room? Would Feyre have mourned your loss or would you have just been an acceptable loss in the silent war for revenge she waged against me?"

"She wouldn't have let it get that far," I muttered, slumping in my chair as the truth of his words struck me. "If it came right down to it, she would've told the truth to save me."

"So trusting . . . so loyal." He pushed aside his empty plate and poured himself another glass of wine. "I'm sure Darius felt the same way about her when she goaded me into whipping him. Her as much as Ianthe goaded me into whipping him. Then she played nursemaid to him to show what a kind and caring person she was while I was nothing more than a monster." I opened my mouth to speak, but he waved his hand dismissively. "I've had nothing but time to rehash all the events that transpired, and I know to the deepest depths of my soul that did terrible things in the name of love – but, she did, too. Only her love was for Rhysand and her sisters, and I guess that makes it okay. Or at least it makes it okay for you since your mate is her sister."

His chair scrapped against the floor as he pushed it back and got to his feet without waiting for me to respond. He glanced toward the grand staircase then back to me and sighed. "I owe you a long overdue apology," he said, and my brow scrunched in confusion. "I never should've allowed you to take my place at Calanmai."

"It was an honor," I said even though it sickened me to think of Ianthe's hands all over my body.

"No, it wasn't. You loathed Ianthe and she reveled in taking advantage of the ritual to bed you." Pressing his watery eyes shut, he drew in a staggered breath, and slowly released it. "I'm so sorry, Lucien. I know that I can't undo what was done, and I know that's part of the reason you turned on me in the end – when I think of all the things I've done horribly wrong, I rank leaving you to her near the top."

"High Lords never apologize for their actions," I whispered, chest tightening that he would lower himself to the level of a lesser faerie to apologize when I willingly offered myself up in his stead. "Thank you, Tamlin. I didn't realize I needed to hear you say you were sorry until the words came out of your mouth."

"High Lords who cannot say they're sorry for the wrongs they've done shouldn't be High Lords," he said before he walked away, leaving me to wonder if this was the starting point for a better stronger friendship between us or merely wishful thinking on my part.

**Thanks for reading and reviews. When I thought of Brie's mother the name Mara came to me and it just fit the she was very powerful and feared and gave it all up for the love of a human man. Hopefully it'll be interesting to watch Rhysand interact with someone who has equal to or greater power than he has as he's always prided himself as being the most powerful High Lord in existence. Thanks again and if you're enjoying please let me know what you think...**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

_Brieanna_

Every single time I shut my eyes I saw Lilianna curled up in a pool of blood. I'd never seen her so still, not even when our uncle hit me instead of her. Although she remained quiet during those times, her body still trembled. I couldn't figure out why I never noticed how much she trembled with fear before until I woke to find her motionless on the ground. I tried and I tried to save her – I couldn't do it – I couldn't do it. Shaking uncontrollably, fingers slick with her blood, I screamed for help. Screamed and screamed but we lived too far from our closest neighbors and my pleas for help went unanswered.

When I was younger, my mother would guide my fingers over the cuts and bruises my father came home with from working in the mines. She taught me to heal with my hands, and promised one day after she was gone, I would inherit her full abilities to heal people. But I wouldn't just inherit those gifts – no, before she died she bestowed upon me every last bit of power she possessed. At my father's request, she bound my gifts leaving me with only a small portion of my healing abilities, and told me that if I ever wanted my powers all I needed to do was call out to her.

And so I did.

Mara – Dream Weaver. High Fae of a Wicked Realm. . .Mother mine – give me what is rightfully mine and mine alone. Maybe those were my exact words or maybe I said something else entirely. I doubted I would ever remember what happened in those dreadful moments before Lilianna eyes flew open and she gasped for breath.

I'd broken my promise to my father to never call out for my powers, something I swore I'd never do, and I didn't regret it for a moment. We'd lived through so much – too much, and I had failed Lilianna over and over again due to an oath I made to my father – an oath that caused us so much pain. My father feared my powers would consume me as they did my mother before she met him, but what he failed to realize was that I was his daughter. He'd raised me to be good and kind even to those who didn't deserve it – especially to those who didn't deserve it.

But sometimes, not very often, but sometimes there were people who didn't deserve to be treated with kindness. My uncle was one of those people, and it only brought me sadness that in the end I took the vile life of the man I hated most while thinking of his brother – my father who I loved the most.

I wove three dreams that night. One for love. One for spite. And one for the man who'd brutalized me and my sister for years. Two of the three succeeded while one failed miserably.

There was never any true intent to do harm to Lucien. I gleaned from weaving into his dream that his life was filled with sadness over a love he never felt he would gain – Elain. There was more sadness over the loss of a dear friend – Tamlin, and then there was his family who'd murdered his first love in front of his eyes while forcing him to watch. As I wove a dream of the curse I'd spat at him when he refused to allow us to enter the Prythian, I felt a kindred bond forming with him. It had to be the curse or else he would never have come to find us if my first dream failed. And it did fail. Tamlin never came to save us.

Tamlin's dreams were the stuff of nightmares, and it made my woven nightmare seem tame by comparison. After watching the brutal murder of Feyre play out in his mind, I didn't have the heart to let him watch me die, too. Instead I cut away at the moment when my uncle came at Lilianna with a knife. Unlike with Lucien, I didn't explore his personal memories in great detail only taking a peek at a few in an attempt to understand him better. It was enough. A deep gnawing ache spread through me as I realized two important things. The first, that he was too damaged to ever willingly try to fall in love again. And the second, that I was his mate. I felt a shift within my very core, something so deep and profound it staggered me. It was as if I'd lived in darkness my entire life, and suddenly vibrant, beautiful colors had come into my life. None of how I felt mattered though as he would never look beyond the misery of his existence to truly see me. He couldn't, not when Feyre took up every inch of his mind, leaving nothing behind for me.

Lucien stopped by once a day to eat lunch with us and another time later in the day to see if we needed anything. In the two days since he brought us to the village, he never once spoke of Tamlin except to warn us to stay near the house and to go inside and hide if the High Lord happened to wander through the village. He did, however, mention Rhysand and Feyre often, going into great detail on how excited they were to meet me. If he had been less trusting and smarter, he wouldn't have given me their names. My mother never needed to see the person she was attacking through nightmares – she only needed a name. Not that I didn't already know the names of the Saviors of Prythian and the Human Realm, but Lucien needed to be more careful.

"My mother told me of a saying about her," I began conversationally as he devoured the sandwich Lilianna made for him. "May the eyes of the Dream Weaver never fall upon you."

"I may have heard the saying once or twice," he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "The lesser faeries are very superstitious. It's nothing you should concern yourself with."

"It's a lie." I took a sip of herbal tea, and swallowed it down before I added, "Being a High Fae you must know that it's a lie, right?" He nodded as if this wasn't the first he'd heard of it being false. "My mother only needed a name. Any name. It could've been yours or your High Lord and Lady. If given a name, she could weave into their dreams." Setting down the chipped cup, I rested my hand on his arm. "What I'm trying to say is that names are a dangerous thing to give without thought or concern when dealing with the Dream Weaver."

The color drained from his face. "You wouldn't –"

"Of course I wouldn't," I huffed, pulling my hand away from his arm. "How many times is it going to take to get through that thick skull of yours that we," I gestured between me and Lilianna, "have no wish to do anything other than live peacefully amongst the Fae."

"Somewhere near a lake," Lilianna said, licking sweet beery jam off her fingers. "Brie loves to swim and we used to have to walk forever to get to the nearest pond."

"There are beautiful lakes in the Night Court," he said, resting back in his chair. "If I told Rhysand you preferred to live near the water, he could have a home built for you."

"There is plenty of homes right here for the taking," I pointed out, wishing he would stop trying to persuade us into leaving the Spring Court, and I feared it wasn't him suggesting the move but Tamlin. Stomach revolting at the thought, I pushed my half eaten sandwich aside. "I would like to speak to the High Lord of Spring. It would seem from this abandoned village, he might need people to do his laundry or clean the manor. Lilianna and I aren't afraid of doing hard work to pay for a home in the Spring Court."

"I can cook," Lilianna chimed in. Although she believed the stories we'd heard around the fires in our village, she put aside her feelings about Tamlin for me. "And my mother taught me how to sew. So if the High Lord needs a shirt mended, I'm your girl."

"None of that is necessary," he said, rubbing at the nape of his neck. "The High Lord and Lady of the Night Court will have servants taking care of your every need. You can spend your days and nights doing whatever you please. Velaris is a place for artists, musicians, writers, and dreamers. You'll love it there as much as I do."

"You're a liar, Lucien," I said, and Lilianna nodded as I'd told her about how much he wanted to be with his mate but she kept him at arm's length. "You stay for a woman who is as damaged as you are, and it's breaking your heart because for all Velaris' beauty, you don't belong there. You belong in the Spring."

"Try playing hard to get instead of following her around like a love sick fool," Lilianna added as I fell silent. "She knows she has you so she doesn't even have to try. My suggestion would to be to feign interest in someone else, and that'll get her attention."

"How old are you?"

"I'll be sixteen next month," she said, smiling sweetly at him.

"You're far too young to be giving advice about dating," he grumbled, folding his muscled arms across his chest.

"Maybe so, but this is something every girl knows. The harder the guy is to get, the more we want them."

"That's enough, bug," I said, my eyes stinging at the thought of how I'd never have Tamlin no matter how hard I tried to catch his interest. "Lucien's obviously happy with the arrangement he has with his mate and doesn't need advice from a girl who has never so much as kissed a boy."

"Rhysand and Feyre would like to meet both of you," he said to steer the conversation away from his mate. "They'll be here tonight, and if it's agreeable to you, they can bring you home to Velaris to meet your other cousin Morrigan."

"We're content to stay where we are right now, but if they're really that interested in meeting with us they're welcome in our home," I said, noting how his shoulders sagged at my refusal. Covering her mouth with her hand, Lilianna yawned then yawned again. She hadn't slept more than a few hours since we ran away from our uncle. Every time she'd fall into a fitful sleep, she'd jolt awake screaming my name, and for all the power my mother bestowed upon me, I couldn't make her nightmares go away. "Maybe you should try to get some rest, Lilianna." I rested a hand atop hers, and smiled. "We're free, Lilibug. Uncle Seth will never hurt you again."

"You don't need to worry about me, Brie," she said, glancing toward the bedroom we shared even though there were three bedrooms in the house Lucien picked for us. Neither of us wanted to be apart from each other, not yet, not when the memories of our uncle's abuse were still so fresh – too fresh, and we needed to be close at night out of fear of waking up to find that our escape had only been a pretty dream and one of us had died.

"I'll be right out here if you need me, and you can leave the door open," I said coaxingly, hoping she'd relent and get some much needed sleep. "Lucien will stay as well to make sure you're safe," I added, knowing her well enough to realize she had a huge crush on him even though he was way too old for her.

"Sure, I can stay," he said when I cast a pleading glance in his direction. "When you wake I'll take you and Brie to a lake nearby to go swimming."

"Oh, all right," she huffed, sliding out of her chair. "But you'd better not be lying, Lucien. I if wake and you're not here, I'm going to stomp right up to the manor and demand to speak to the High Lord about you."

"My main concern is yours and your sister's happiness, little one," he said, looking to me, and he added, "Rhysand made it explicitly clear that I am to take care of your every need."

"In other words, he's my cousin's whore," I chuckled and Lilianna joined in as Lucien's cheeks turned bright red. When our laughter faded, I shooed her away to the bedroom to hopefully get some rest. I watched her climb into bed and pull the soft blankets over her before I returned my attention to Lucien. "I need to find a way to stop her nightmares. You said Rhysand can help me learn how to hone my newly acquired powers, and I want to believe he would only do this out of kindness, but my mother told me stories of similar offers from the previous High Lord. I don't want to be a weapon the Night Court can use to frighten their enemies."

"You would be nothing more than a symbol of power," he promised without meeting my gaze. "It would be enough for the other Courts to see a new Dream Weaver has risen without you ever having to weave into any Fae's dreams."

"Do I look stupid to you?" I arched a brow. "Against my better judgment I'm putting my trust in you, Lucien. If you lead me down the wrong path, and my sister gets hurts because of it, I will do to you what I did to my uncle."

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "What did you do to your uncle?"

"Before he died he carved out his own eyes and cut off his favorite appendage," I said without the slightest hint of remorse or regret for my actions. "I can only imagine the stories they'll tell about him around the fires at night. A cautionary tale of how a cruel man is fated to die a cruel death."

Visibly shaken, he leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table, clasping his hands to keep them from trembling. "Have you put those same thoughts of cutting off body parts into my head to be triggered if you feel I've betrayed you?"

"No," I shook my head, "but you have to understand I would do no less for my sister than you would do to punish anyone who harmed your mate. She's all I have left in this world and I won't see the light go out in her eyes until she is a very old woman."

"Can I trust that you haven't tampered with my mind?"

"I don't know. Can I trust that you haven't been dealing falsely with me?" I countered smoothly, tapping at my temple. "I'm my mother's daughter, Lucien. She knew one day I would make Prythian my home, and so from a very young age she taught me to survive in a world of pretty faces that hid ugly lies."

"I'm only trying to do what's best for you and your sister. If I didn't honestly believe living in the Night Court would be good for you and all concerned, I wouldn't try so hard to get you to make it your home."

"Give me a few more days to decide," I said after a lengthy pause, hoping to run into Tamlin before I had to make any decisions regarding mine and my sister's future.

He agreed to give me the time I needed. I wanted to ask him to speak to Tamlin on my behalf, hoping if he pleaded our case we'd be allowed to stay. He would never even have to see us if that was his wish, and I told myself it would be enough to be near him. It was ridiculous really. To have such strong feelings for a man I scarcely knew, to know deep within my core I'd never be happy until he opened up to me.

Lucien kept his word, taking us to a lake to swim when Lilianna woke abruptly from a short nap. His face fell as the lake came into view and after cursing loudly at the sight of the dead fish floating atop the receding murky water, he walked straight in and began catching and throwing the fish into the equally dead foliage surrounding the water. Lilianna followed to help him or as it turned out to throw dead fish at him. A low growl rumbling in his throat, he caught her up in his arms, and tossed her into the water with a splash. When she didn't resurface, he twirled around searching for her and suddenly he went under as she came up with his foot in her hands. As I listened to her laugh, really laugh as if she hadn't a care in the world, it struck me how all the other laughs I'd heard from her since our parents died were never real. I hated to think of the moment when she realized she was too young for him and that he could never return her budding affection for him as his heart belonged solely to another.

Nonetheless it was nice to watch them splash each other. I sat and watched them for a while, my mind wandering to better days when my father took us swimming near our home while her mother would sit in the grass to watch us. Tears gathered in my eyes, and not wanting them see me cry, I called out to tell them I was going to take a short walk. Lucien yelled for me to wait for him, but I waved him off and set off toward the skeletal trees we'd traveled through to get to the lake.

My vision blurred as I began to cry in earnest. My mother's soft voice whispered through my mind to be brave for Lilianna and never allow any Fae or lesser faerie see me cry. I cried all the harder for my father and mother, both step and real, and for Lilianna and myself. I needed to be strong for her to keep her protected and safe. I'd failed miserably and I wondered what my father would've thought of me for staying in a place that wasn't safe for either of us. I feared leaving as much as I feared staying with my uncle, and it was something I could never explain to anyone when I didn't even understand myself.

"You," came a familiar husky voice from behind me, and so engrossed in my thoughts I jumped startled. Pressing my eyes shut, I drew in a deep breath to steady my electrified nerves, slowly released it and wiped the tears from cheeks. "I thought you – I saw . . . didn't I tell you not to trespass on my lands again?"

"Aye, you did, m'lord," I said, and as I turned to face him I tilted my chin. "As you well know, humans are not that intelligent so when you used big words like _trespass _I failed to comprehend what you meant."

"And yet you understand what the word comprehend means," he pointed out, his beautiful green eyes slowly taking in every inch of my body. "Why is it that you never wear anything to cover your feet?"

"Why do you always scowl?" I said instead of answering his question.

"I don't _always _scowl." He rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I glare while other times I glower. It really depends on the day."

"Is that a joke, m'lord?" I said, working to keep a straight face.

"If you have to ask then I guess not." His muscular shoulders sagged. "You shouldn't be walking through these woods alone. There are creatures no human should ever face alone, not to mention other Fae who've started arriving for Calanmai."

"What is Calanmai?"

"It's the only useful thing I do for Prythian anymore," he answered evasively.

"Whoa," I held up a hand as if to stop him as if I'd heard too much about whatever Calanmai was, "no need to overwhelm my tiny human brain with all the details, m'lord."

He lifted a golden brow in what I took as amusement "Is that sarcasm?"

"Well, if you have to ask for clarification, I would say no."

He stared at me for a long moment then threw back his head and laughed, the deep rich sound of it sending shivers coursing through my body. "You amuse me," he uttered between laughs, "not an easy thing to do, I assure you."

"Then let us stay – me and my sister," I said, regretting it the moment the words left my mouth as his expression darkened. "Please, Tamlin. We won't cause any trouble and we can work to pay for a place to stay."

"No." He shook his head, and clawed nails pierced the skin on his fingers. "Humans don't belong in Prythian. Go get your sister and I will escort you back to the Wall."

"No," I answered in kind, folding my arms across my chest, giving him an ample view of my breasts, a temptation he couldn't resist. "If you want me gone, you're going to drag me kicking and screaming to the border."

"No dragging necessary, I'll just throw you over my shoulder, carry you to the border, and dump you over the Wall."

"You wouldn't dare," I hissed, glaring at him.

"Don't dare me, love. I just might accept the challenge,' he chuckled lightly.

"You'll have to catch me first." Before the last word left my mouth, I took off running, dodging between trees and leaping over decaying logs. Hearing him calling out to me as he took chase, I laughed and picked up speed. "I never realized how slow fat, old High Lords were before," I called out, and taking a chance to look behind me, I saw him stumble over a thick root landing face first in a puddle of muddy water. "So graceful, m'lord," I chuckled, pumping my arms harder as he roared and the birds overhead went silent.

Suddenly he went silent behind me, too quiet and I chanced another look over my shoulder. Next thing I knew I was flat on my back with the full weight of his hard, muscular body on top of me.

"Who are you calling old and fat?" he whispered huskily, fingers tangling in my hair. "I was merely giving you a head start."

"And falling into the puddle?" I grinned. "Was that a part of your plan to let me think I had a chance of outrunning you?"

"No, that was pure clumsiness at its finest." He smiled, exposing pearly white teeth, and shook his head spraying droplets of water into my face. "Why is it that you always smell so damn good?"

"It's called bathing, m'lord. You should try it some time," As he laughed I bucked him off me, crawled on top of him, and caught hold of his arms, pinning them to the ground. "Do you yield, m'lord?"

"Never," he murmured, tongue darting out to wet his full lips.

"A pity." I sighed, releasing his arms then dragging myself off him to sit on the ground. "If you wish for us to leave, we will go. I will never stay where I'm not wanted."

"It's for the best, Brie," he said, and I wondered if he was trying to convince me or himself. "I have so many enemies most of which will use Calanmai to put me in my place. If they thought for a moment that you didn't find me as repulsive as they do, you and your sister would be in danger. I can't protect you and I won't have your deaths on my hands."

"All right." I nodded and pushed to my feet, holding out a hand to help him up. My eyes were stinging again, but I refused to cry. I couldn't force him to love me, and if I told him who my mother was and what I was, I would only end up pushing him further away. I didn't need his protection, I needed his heart and that might take forever. "Don't follow me."

"I have to make sure you –"

"I said don't follow me," I said before he could spew more talk of his need to make sure I safely made it across the border. "I'll honor your wish to see me gone from your life if you'll do me this one small favor."

"You say that as if I'm never going to see you again," he said, and maybe I imagined it, but I could've sworn I heard his heart breaking. "We'll see each other again someday, Brie."

"I'll be breathlessly counting down the days, m'lord," I said, turning my back on him and willing myself to walk away in long determined strides.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

_Tamlin_

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Brie strolling through my lands as if she hadn't a care in the world. My heart began to race, thundering in my ears. It had to be a trick of some sort, a cleverly crafted illusion by one of the High Fae who'd shown up for Fire Night. I followed her all the while waiting for her to vanish into nothingness, but she didn't and my heart soared.

I thought she died as my dream foretold, and the sight of all the blood I saw in what I assumed was her bedroom, confirmed my fears. The people of her village speculated that her uncle must've killed her and her sister and buried the bodies before he mutilated and hung himself. No one had cut him down yet, everyone too busy gawking at what he'd done to himself, and as I trudged through the crowds gathering in the street to gossip about viciously cruel man who murdered two sweet, innocent girls, the ache in my chest grew. If I'd only asked more about her, if I'd taken the time to listen to the sadness in her tone as we spoke, maybe I could've saved her and her sister. The ache in my chest became a crushing weight making it almost impossible to breathe. I didn't even realize I'd started crying until someone asked if I knew the family. I didn't answer. I just kept walking and walking and thinking what I could've done differently to change the outcome of what had transpired the night before.

I should've known something was wrong when she didn't show up at the Wall as she said she would. Another stupid mistake and it cost her everything. Why couldn't I ever do anything right? Or at least that's what I thought until I saw her meandering through the forest. She had me on the hook from the first words out of her oh so tempting mouth, and when I had her pinned beneath me, it took every bit of willpower I had in me not to capture her lush dewy soft lips in a lingering kiss. Maybe if I hadn't told her my real name, I could've pretended for a while that I was someone else. I could've been someone she wouldn't be ashamed to admit she knew and maybe we could've become friends – or more than just friends.

I didn't want her to leave, but with her uncle dead there was no good reason I could come with to talk her into staying. Once she found out he'd committed suicide she'd be beyond thrilled that I made her go home to her side of the Wall. The deep welling pain spreading through me proved I'd done the right thing for her and her sister. Who would ever wish for a Crazed Beast to care for them? Not her. Not anyone in their right mind.

Nonetheless, I still followed her at a distance to insure she made it across the border safely. She asked me not to, but the protective instinct that had been a huge part of my downfall, wouldn't allow me to do anything other than watch over her and her sister. Hidden within the shadow of the trees, I heard her sister's voice before I saw her.

"Now here me out on this," Lilanna said, her voice carrying in the stillness of the woods, "I don't think you can trust some big black caldron to make such an important decision as to who you should be stuck with for life. What if the object of your forced affection dies? Do you spend the rest of your life pining over some woman who may or may not have been right for you? Or in its infinite wisdom does the caldron send you another mate?"

"Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?" Lucien said, and my body went rigid as the truth of why Brie had been so kind to me hit me with full force. I quickly slammed down a shield to keep him from detecting my presence. "My ears are bleeding from listening to you go on and on and on."

"There she is," Lilianna said, ignoring his comment, and I peeked around the tree I hid behind to watch her run to Brie. Lucien lengthened his stride to catch up to her, and nudged his head for them to follow him.

"I've given it some thought," Brie said as I moved with silent predatory speed to hear what she had to say. "We'll meet with Rhysand and Feyre tonight." My heart dropped to the pit of my churning stomach. I'd been right all along. They'd sent her to spy on me using her feigned innocence to lure me in and I'd fallen for it. "We can't stay in the Spring Court any longer."

"Are you sure that's what you want to do?" Lucien asked, and a low growl rumbled in my throat. I'd fool myself into believing not every word out of his mouth was a carefully construct lie meant to gather information when my guard was down. "Maybe you should give yourself a few more days to decide what you want to do next. The Night Court will always be there waiting for both of you with open arms."

I couldn't stomach listening to any more of their treachery. I winnowed away, traveling through the between spaces to get to the manor. I'd known he was meeting with Rhysand and Feyre every night, and I'd allowed it to continue to prove I had nothing to hide. They must've laughed their asses off when I crossed the border to find Brie and also when I sat waiting over two hours for her to return from wherever it was she went to inform Rhysand and Feyre that I fell for their deception. I imagined all sorts of scenarios where they went back to Velaris to share with everyone the story of the lowly High Lord of the Spring Court who truly believed a human woman would forgive him for siding with Hybern.

I'd worked myself into a dark, foul mood by the time Lucien came strolling through the entranceway. "Good news," he said, dropping down into his usual seat at the table. "More High Fae and lesser faeries have shown up than I expected." He met my gaze and seeing the rage burning in my eyes, he quickly lowered his head. "I told Tormon and Rodric to come take as much food as you can afford to give for the festivities. Full bellies will go a long way in winning favor with your guests."

"And if I say no?" I uttered with forced evenness in my tone. My claws dug into the table as I fought the urge to attack him. "I've done my share for the sake of Prythian. If those attending want food someone else can supply it. I won't empty out my stores for Fae who consider me their enemy."

"You're upset?" he said as if he was innocent of conspiring against me with Brie and Lilianna. "Did something happen while I was out?"

"Where were you?" I pointed to his russet hair hanging in thick, damp clumps around his face. "No one's seen you since before lunch."

"I had Night Court business to attend to," he admitted, his sun-kissed golden skin paling considerably. "Oh, Rhysand said he wouldn't stand in the way of us rekindling our friendship. He's pleased that you've helped get everything ready for Fire Night."

"So your friendship is sort of a reward for me from the High Lord?"

"I guess you could think of it that way." A half-smile tugged at one corner of his lips. "We could fix up the manor and my bedroom for when I come to visit. You'll see, it'll be like old times."

I'd been so blinded by the light he'd brought into the darkness I'd been living in I fell for everything he said and did. The concern he'd shown brought me some comfort, and I relished in it just like he knew I would. They saw me blindly listening and following Ithane and Hybern, trusting them inexplicably and knew if given the proper incentive I'd do it again, and that was where Brie and Lilianna came in.

My claws retracted, and I sat back in my chair. "Does your High Lord truly believe I'm such a dullard I'd willingly agree to have one of his spies visit me on a regular basis?"

"Spy?" His golden eye whizzed around, taking in what I said and analyzing my tone and wording of speech for clues as to what I knew and didn't know. "I'm not a spy, Tam."

I laughed harshly. "Do you even know what the definition of being a spy is? If not let me enlighten you, a spy gathers information from an enemy to report back to his Lord and Lady. All those late night rendezvous with Rsyhand and Feyre couldn't be considered anything other than you being a spy."

"Did something happen today? We were getting along and I really thought you wanted to rekindle our friendship as much as I do," he said, playing his role of concerned friend to perfection. If I didn't know better I would've believed him, but I did know better. "I've been making the rounds through the camps, praising you for how much you've changed and grown since you sided with Hybern."

"You have to be joking, right?" Scrubbing a hand down my face, I heaved a heavy sigh. "It's time for you to go home, Lucien. You've accomplished everything your High Lord and Lady asked of you, and you can tell them for me that I'd rather live alone for the rest of my days than to have a false friend."

"Everything I've done has been for you, Tam," he said, and the burning ache in my chest grew into a forest fire of pain. "I've been trying to –"

"Please stop," I cut in, pushing out of my chair and turning my back on him. "I saw you today in the woods with Brie and Lilianna. I heard Brie tell you she wanted to meet with Rhysand and Feyre tonight, and you said the Night Court would always welcome them with open arms."

"It's not what you think," he uttered, and getting up from his chair he circled to face me. "I found them at the Wall the other day and they asked for sanctuary. They wanted to make the Spring Court their new home but Brie said you refused to let them stay. They knew Feyre had been human at one point and thought she might be sympathetic to their plight and that's why she asked me to speak to them on her behalf . . . if you ask her to stay, she would."

"I may not have a golden eye to decipher the truth of words spoken; nonetheless I don't need it to comprehend when someone is giving me half truths and outright lies."

"If you don't believe me, I'll take you to them and you can ask yourself."

"And listen to more well-conceived lies." Pursing my lips, I shook my head. "I don't think so."

"If you don't go see her tonight she'll be gone and out of your reach come morning," he warned as he was most likely instructed to do if I caught them together.

"Why are you so eager to make a mockery of me, Lucien?" I uttered around a thick knot forming in my throat. I swallowed hard, and added, "I was so stupid to think you might be willing to forgive me – how could you when your mate hates me so vehemently? I got so caught up in the game you were playing I actually started thinking about a better life for myself in the future. Thanks for putting me back in my place."

"I'll bring them to the manor – you'll see this isn't some twisted game I'm playing if you'll just talk to Brie."

"No!" I snapped, at the end of what I could endure. "I'm done," I pointed to him then myself, "I don't want to do this anymore. Opening myself up to you and Brie was another stupid mistake in a long line of mistakes, and I'm done trying to be a better man. No one will ever let me be anything other than a monster so I have no other choice but to accept it as true."

Utter panic filled his russet eye. "You're not going to perform the ritual?"

"And there is it," I muttered, shoulders sagging. "You are so transparent and pathetic – it's no wonder why your family wanted you dead and your mate can't stomach the sight of you."

"You don't mean that." He stared at me a long moment, waiting me to take it back, and although I didn't mean what I said I couldn't take it back. Not when I knew to the deepest niches of my soul that he didn't care if he hurt me. Just the same as Feyre didn't care that she'd hurt me so deeply and profoundly the open wound would never heal. When I failed to respond, he added, "I'm going to forget you said that. You're angry and under the circumstances it's understandable that you don't trust me. But you're wrong about Brie. She would never ever hurt you."

"If you say so," I muttered, walking away from him in long strides, calling back over my shoulder, "When Fire Night is over I never want to see your face again."

XxXxXx

I awoke abruptly at the sound of the bedroom door quietly clicking shut, and peered into the darkness to find her creeping toward the bed. Consciously slowing my breathing, I pretended to still be asleep while watching her through the narrow crack between my thick dark lashes. It occurred to me that she might've come to finish the job Feyre started, stabbing me in the heart while I slept. If their plan was for Lucien to try to steal my powers before I succumbed to death and then complete the ritual as the new High Lord of Spring, they would be in for a rude awakening. My immense power would die with me, and as he no longer belonged to the Spring Court any ritual he took part in would fail.

She tiptoed across the floor, and my heartbeat thundered so loud in my ears I feared she'd hear the erratic sound of it and flee before I learned her true intent for sneaking into my room. Closer, closer until she towered over me and I sprung into action. In a blur of speed, I grabbed hold of her arm and yanked hard, pulling her over on top of me. Rolling us both over, I pinned her wrists above her head.

"Did Lucien send you to kill me?" Instead of answering me, she tried to buck me off of her, but only managed to grind her hips against mine, and my body hardened in response. "Stay still, woman," I growled, anger warring with unwanted desire for her.

"I didn't come to kill you, I came to say goodbye," she whispered, going still beneath me and I couldn't decide if that was better or worse. "Why do you think Lucien would want you dead?"

"Can you stop looking at me like that?"

"How am I looking at you, m'lord?" she murmured, knowing full well she was tempting me with open desire so clear within the depths of her bewitching eyes.

"I won't fall for you, temptress." Releasing her wrists, I rolled off her and sat up, raking a hand through my hair. "How did you get in here?"

"Through the doorway," she said innocently, pointing at the door. "I thought to climb through the window, but I wasn't sure which room was yours."

"Does it amuse you to frustrate me?" I chanced a glance over my shoulder at her, and quickly looked away. Heat flushed my cheeks, and I cursed under my breath, "Your dress is – I see shoes aren't the only thing you don't wear."

"We packed in the dark, and I didn't realize –"

"I really don't want to discuss your – personal apparel." Pressing my eyes shut, I prayed to the Caldron to save me from her. "Could you . . . you're distracting me with your clothes all hiked up in areas I –"

"You sound flustered, m'lord," she teased, inciting a low growl from me. "Surely you've seen a woman in various states of undress before."

"Have Lucien buy you some –"

"Lacey panties," she supplied, giggling as the heat spread to my ears.

"Stop that! This isn't funny. You broke into my home in the middle of the night. I could've killed you on accident and would have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life."

"You would never harm me as I would never harm you," she said, and although I knew I never would intentionally hurt her, I feared the same couldn't be said for her.

"I heard you are going to live with my enemies," I said, chest constricting at the thought of her living somewhere I couldn't go. "Be careful, Brie. If they ever find out you don't hate me, you and your sister will end up living underground in the Court of Nightmares."

"Ask me to stay, Tamlin," she whispered close to my ear. "Ask me to stay and I will."

"I'm sorry." Staring down at my palms, I shook my head. "You deserve a much better life than what you'll find living here. I hate to say this but Velaris would be a good place for you to make a home for you and Lilianna."

"I knew you would say no, but I couldn't leave without trying one last time." I felt the weight shift on the mattress as she stood and walked around the bed to stand before me. "Don't take too long to come for me . . . I don't think I could bear it."

"You should go." If she stayed much longer I wouldn't have the strength to let her leave.

"It'll get better, I promise it will." Leaning down, she lightly brushed her lips against mine in a soft kiss. "That was so you don't forget me."

"You don't have to worry about that. I'll think about your kindness toward me every day for as long as I live."

Pressing my fingers to my lips, I let her walk away all the while knowing I regret it for the rest of my life.

**Thanks for reading and the taking the time to review. It means a lot to me. **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

_Lucien_

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the conversation I had with Tamlin out of my mind. I hadn't fooled him for a second with the half truth I told. He knew there was more to the true story that I'd omitted for Brie's sake, but it wasn't my place to tell him about her mother or the power she possessed. Only she could tell him, and she'd have to wait until the timing was perfect if she had any hope of staying with her mate. To his own unending misery, he'd send her away because even if his heart knew the truth about her his mind would overthink the familial bond she shared with Rhysand.

To my own detriment I told Brie and Lilianna about our conversation, and while Brie took the information better than I expected, Lilianna followed me outside when I was leaving and punched me in the stomach, warning me to fix the mistake I'd made or she'd pulverize me with her tiny fists. The girl had spunk, I'd give her that much. Although she staunchly refused to believe in the idea of two people being thrown together when the mating bond clicked into place, expounding on all the reasons why it was stupid and cruel throughout the day, she still wanted her sister to be happy and knew that would only be possible with Tamlin.

Lilianna wouldn't let me leave, kept moving to stand in my way when I tried to get to Silverstar, until I went back inside to convince Brie that Tamlin wanted to see her later that night, and I'd just somehow forgot to mention it earlier. Of course it was all explained in the letter he wrote her that I'd somehow misplaced on my ride to see them. In a matter of minutes I'd become forgetful and irresponsible to please Lilianna, and I couldn't explain why she could get me to do things I thought I didn't want to do. After she agreed to go to the manor, I left only to return to their temporary lodging that night to stay with Lilianna while Brie enacted Lilianna's plan to – in Lilianna's own words, win her man.

The girl had too many plans and the one that would get me in the most trouble, the one I should have refused, involved taking her to see Rhysand and Feyre before Brie returned home. I couldn't begin to fathom why I said yes without much resistance at all. So while Brie was trying to _win her man_, we rode out to meet them.

The surprise registering in Rhysand's eyes at the sight of only one sister instead of two was almost too comical and while I worked to keep a straight face, Lilianna burst out laughing. The stupid girl didn't have the wits to be afraid of him. I slid off the horse and helped her down, whispering in her ear to not provoke the High Lord as she did me.

"You worry too much, Lucien," she said, patting me on the cheek before she strode to Rhysand and craned her neck to look up at him, forcing me to move to stand beside her. "How should I address you, sir? High Lord or am I free to call you what I chose?"

"Rhys is fine," he said, looking to me for some explanation as to why Brie hadn't joined us. I shrugged a shoulder, unwilling to unleash the fury of the whirlwind upon myself. "Feyre won't be joining us tonight either," he added, tucking his hand into his pocket. "She wasn't feeling up to the trip."

"Is she okay?" I asked, and Lilianna turned to glare at me for taking a few moments to discuss trivial matters when we had limited time.

"She'll be fine." As he spoke I honed in on Azriel and Cassian lurking in the shadows of the trees. "It was our understanding that your sister and you would be returning with us to the Night Court tonight."

I opened my mouth to speak, but Lilianna placed a hand on my arm to silence me. "My sister and I have been talking about your offer and we have some concerns and requests."

"And those would be?" Rhysand said with what some might consider a dazzling smile that most women swooned over. Not her. I could've told him he'd picked the wrong person to try to win over with his charm and good looks, but it was kinda funny to watch him fail for once.

"The first one is – and this is very important," she said, holding up one finger, "we need an Adviser who's loyal to us. We've discussed it at length and Lucien will do." I could feel my lifespan shortening as she spoke, and from the look Rhysand cast in my direction I decided right then and there to make a list of things I wanted to do before I died. "Since you have many people who are loyal to you, I doubt you would notice if he is no longer at your beckon call."

Light and shadows played across the scowl on his face before his features smoothed and he lifted a brow. "You want me to release Lucien from the oath he swore to service the Night Court?"

"She's joking, Rhys," I said, praying she'd have the good sense to agree with me. "Work for her sister," I chuckled weakly as she dug her nails into my skin, "what a kidder she is."

"Did I sound like I was joking to you?"

"No, you didn't," Rhysand said, his eyes ticking from her to me. "He has a mate."

"No, what he has is a woman who doesn't even notice he's around most of the time," she stated, and I could hear Azriel and Cassian making wagers on how much longer I'd still be breathing. "My sister will not bend on this particular stipulation. If she's going to work for you, which let's face it, is the real reason why you're so interested in having a cousin you've never met come live with you, she wants Lucien to be her Adviser."

"And what if I decide to take you home with me tonight as my guest?" It was a threat, no doubt about it, and I could almost see her mind working to get out of the snare she'd trapped herself in.

"Your cousin is named Morrigan, is that correct?" she said sweetly, and my stomach began to churn. "She sleeps, right? I wouldn't doubt it in the slightest that she went to sleep last night. As did Azriel, Cassian and your mate."

"Are you threatening me and my family?" His black membranous wings unfurled, and like an idiot with a death wish I quickly moved to place myself in front of her.

"No, you were threatening me," she said, pushing me out of the way. "I was simply reminding you that sometimes, not always, but sometimes you won't get your way and threats can be answered with action."

"How old are you, girl?" he said, narrowing his eyes on her.

She tilted her chin almost arrogantly. "I'm sixteen." Not quite the truth, but close enough.

"You're very brave for a girl so young and tiny," he said, and I detected something akin to admiration in his tone. "I will release Lucien from his oath to serve the Night Court in order that he can serve the Dream Weaver."

"You see that wasn't so difficult, now was it?" How she wasn't shaking in fear of him was beyond me, but maybe he couldn't frighten her as she'd already faced death and came away victorious.

"Don't push your luck," Rhysand warned, winking at her as his wings vanished. "Tell my cousin Lucien is a gift from me and that I look forward to meeting her."

The three of them winnowed away leaving me to stare at Lilianna in awe. Whether or not I wanted to be released from my vow, she made a bold move against a very powerful High Lord, and she beat him at his own game. Nonetheless, she could've been killed for recklessly taunting Rhysand with her sister's power.

"Why would you do that?" I said as I lifted her onto Silverstar's back. "You could've gotten us both killed."

"You can't be loyal to two people when they are at war with each other. One way or another you would have to chose a side, and if Brie chooses Tamlin over some relative she doesn't even know, I don't want you to be my enemy."

"I would have to choose the Night Court," I said, settling in behind her and gathering the reins in my hand. "That's where my mate lives and where my loyalty belongs."

"You're a fool, Lucien." She glanced over her shoulder at me, holding my gaze for a moment. "Do I really have to repeat all the reasons why you will never be happy with her?"

"Nope, the first ten times were enough," I said, nudging Silverstar into a gallop. "Why do you care if I'm holding onto hope that Elain will come around to accept me as her mate someday?"

"I don't care. If you want to waste away waiting for her to grace you with scraps of her attention who am I to argue."

"And yet that's all you've done for the past few days," I muttered, hating myself for the doubts she kept putting in my mind. For better or worse, Elain was my mate. Unfortunately it was mostly for the worse, but if I spoke about my serious doubts to her, she'd have me defying my Caldron given mate to find someone who could love me without reservations. "What about you, Lili? Did you ever have a – I guess the human word is boyfriend?"

"Four – no, five of them." She glanced over her shoulder and smiled at me. "Don't tell Brie, but I've been kissing boys for quite a while now." A low growl rumbled in my throat, and I prayed to the Caldron she didn't hear it. "Did you just growl at me?"

Of course she did.

"You shouldn't be kissing boys at your age. You're too young," I blurted out, wondering how Brie couldn't have known her little sister was spreading around the kisses as if her life depended on it. "That's going to stop now that you've made me your Adviser and bodyguard."

"Too young?" She laughed, and I knew to the depths of my soul that the next words out of her mouth would flay me alive. "It is common knowledge that Ferye wasn't much older than me when she bedded not one man but two. I'm not quite certain of the equivalent yet, but as I know that age means something different in human years versus Fae years, and as you are younger than Rhysand you are closer to my age than you care to admit."

"I can't even begin to fathom how you came to that conclusion. I'm an old man compared to you."

"Are you saying that Feyre's mate is an extremely old man?"

"No, I didn't – okay, for the sake of argument, I'll agree you are possibly somewhat right, but I'm still much older than you."

"Okay, grandpa," she giggled, and without having to see her face, I knew she was rolling her eyes. "For the record," she added as her laughter died away, "I'll kiss whomever I chose and you'll keep it a secret."

"Not if I don't let you out of my sight, you won't."

She leaned back against my chest with her head resting on my shoulder, and I breathed in the soft floral scent that lingered on her silky skin. My stomach muscles tightened, and although I'd just told her she was too young, I had to remind myself of that fact all over again. "I've never kissed a boy," she whispered, staring up at the stars.

"Then why did you tell me you have?"

"Maybe because you think of me as a child, but I'm not a child, Lucien. I watched my home burn down with my parents inside and I lived through being beaten by my uncle over and over again. For all that I've survived, I am a woman not a child or a little girl as you think of me."

"I don't think of you as a child, Lili. You're smart and cunning and you're so damn brave it scares me. I'm afraid that one man alone could never keep you safe, and yet I'm the only one there is to stand against anyone who would think to harm you."

"I'm sorry for freeing you from your oath of loyalty to the Night Court," she said after a lengthy pause. "It was the only thing I could think of to give Brie the time she needs to win Tamlin over."

"You were right," I admitted, gently pulling on Silverstar's reins as we approached the village. "I wanted to come home to the Spring Court, but I was afraid to admit it even to myself. Feyre and Rhysand have their inner circle of friends, and I never quite felt as if I belonged. I just wish Elain would – it doesn't matter what I wished for because it'll never happen."

"If you think that's difficult try being the only human in a realm full of Fae perfection."

"You're forgetting my scar and golden eye."

"You're right, I forgot you're hideous. My eyes burn every time I look at you. My gag reflex –"

"You've made your point," I interjected, bobbing my head at Brie sitting alone on rocking chair near the front door of their home. "It seems as if your plan failed. The no panties idea was a nice touch though. Maybe she didn't work it to her advantage."

"You were supposed to get him drunk," she reminded me. "With his _issues_ he wasn't going to take advantage of the situation without some sort of help."

"I told you he was in a bad mood. What was I supposed to do? Pour whiskey down his throat every time he opened his mouth to speak?"

"You think it was easy making her all her panties vanish into thin air including the ones she was wearing before she bathed?"

"You're forgetting I let those Will o' the Wisps loose to fly through the window or she would've suspected it was us."

"You need to come up with a foolproof plan, Lucien. If my sister's not happy than I'm not happy, and you don't want to see me unhappy."

"I'll think of –"

"What are the two of you up to?" Brie called out, putting an end to our scheming. "I thought we were leaving for the Night Court, but no one was here when I got back from the manor," she added, and I noticed hers and Lilianna's travel bags resting beside the rocking chair.

"Help me down," Lilianna said as Silverstar came to a stop at the white picket fence surrounding their home. Climbing off the horse, I lifted her off while she braced her hands against my shoulders, and maybe it was her fault or possibly mine when her body slid flush against mine. Either way I enjoyed it more than I should have. "You did that on purpose," she whispered against my ear then pushed away from me to run to her sister. "He didn't beg you to stay?"

"No." She shook her head and her wavy raven hair fell across her face. "He believes I would be better off living in Velaris."

"And you told him you weren't leaving, right?" I said, walking up the cobbled path in long strides.

"I said goodbye and he didn't stop me." Brushing the hair out of her eyes, she grasped hold of Lilianna's hand. She'd been crying. Her thick, dark lashes were clumped together and black streaks ran down her face from the kohl eyeliner Lilianna talked me into finding to accentuate her blue eyes. Lilianna didn't mention it so neither did I. "You said he wanted to see me, Lucien, but when I got there he acted more than a little surprised to see me."

"I may have misunderstood him," I said, looking to Lilianna to help me work my way through an explanation as to why Tamlin wouldn't have been expecting her.

"I bet he has a lot on his mind with that ritual thing he's doing tomorrow," Lilianna said, winking at me. "We saw a lot of people – Fae and lesser faeries during our ride."

She looked between the two of as she contemplated our lies. "He asked if you sent me to kill him. That doesn't sound as if he's worried about some strange ritual."

"Tam's paranoid. Just yesterday he had me taste his food for the same reason. I tried to explain to him that I hadn't seen the food until it appeared on the table, but that's how paranoid he is." When she looked down at her open hands resting on her lap, I gave Lilianna a subtle shake of my head, and mouthed the words, _Never happened. Do something. _

"Maybe we should stay for Calanmai," Lilianna said, and my one good eye widened. "Lucien can find you something really pretty to wear and I'll do your hair," she went on to say as if my eye widening wasn't a clear warning to suggest something else. "Your High Lord won't be able to take his eyes off you."

"Well, you're right about that. I would even venture to say he won't be able to keep his hands off you."

"You think it's a good idea, Lucien?" Brie asked, sounding so hopeful I found myself nodding in spite of the fact that Tamlin wouldn't be himself during the ritual where he took raw power into his body and then found a woman to sleep with to release the power back into the earth. "All right, we'll go to Fire Night but if he tells me to leave again –"

"Oh, you won't have to worry about that," I interjected, "in fact he'll be searching for you." I nudged my head to the side in Lilianna's direction. "When Fire Night is over, remember that Lili came up with this idea. She'll be the one you want to thank not me as it was definitely not my idea."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

_Brieanna_

Lucien decided to spend the night, explaining that with so many High Fae and lesser faeries celebrating early for Calanmai, he didn't feel comfortable leaving us alone. I chose not to argue as Lilianna gave me a look that clearly said not mess this up for her. Not to mention that I could hear muted music playing somewhere in the distance and every once in a while groups of Fae would walk by our house laughing and shouting as if it were the middle of the day instead of well after midnight. Thankfully the latter hadn't happened before Lucien returned with my sister or I would've barricaded myself in one of the closets.

I wondered if Tamlin joined them in celebrating, certainly they wouldn't shun him the night before he performed the ritual to save them from dying of hunger. Several times I almost asked Lucien if we could join the festivities in hopes of finding Tamlin, but he was so engrossed in a conversation with Lilianna about Will o' the Wisps and something called a Suriel, I didn't want to interrupt. At some point I would have to have a private conversation with him to point out that Lilianna had a crush on him and he was only fueling the flames sitting so close to her on the couch and the innocent way he brushed the golden blond hair out of her eyes. She didn't want to believe in mates, laughing it off as joke whenever I casually mentioned Elain being Lucien's mate, but that didn't make it any less true.

She even came up with a theory that Elain couldn't possibly be Lucien's mate because the Caldron had been used for evil purposes, and therefore anything brought forth from it such as Elain being Lucien's mate would only serve to cause them pain and misery until they broke free from the unnatural bond. It was hard to find flaw with her theory. Lucien never gave any reason why she was perfect for him no matter how many times Lilianna brought the subject up, and to me it seemed as if he only wanted to be with her because the Caldron deemed it so. From what I'd gathered from our conversations, they hadn't had a single meaningful conversation since he realized she was his mate. It seemed impossible to me since I'd already had several conversations with Tamlin that I considered to be the foundation for a long happy life together. Or at least they would be once he realized we were meant to be together.

As I watched them I came to the decision that one day we would need to cross the border again so she could find a human man to fall in love with and eventually marry. There was no sense in trying to make a match for her amongst the Fae as she would grow old and withered while they remained almost frozen in time, aging so slowly it would take at least fifty years to notice a subtle change. One more reason why I preferred to stay close to the border.

New hauntingly beautiful music began to play at the celebration, and it quickly got under my skin, electrifying my nerves. It invaded my mind, sending all other thoughts scattering except the need to dance under the moonlight and starry sky. I couldn't sit still. I kept getting up from the couch to look out the window, squinting to see if I could find where the sound was coming from.

"Children of the Blessed must have joined the celebration," Lucien said from directly behind me, startling me. "Some Fae music is meant to entice humans to dance to their deaths. Feyre won't be happy when she learns of this."

"They'll die from dancing?"

"They won't be able to stop unless some High Fae takes pity on them. It's never happened before, but there's always a chance." Resting a hand on my shoulder, he gave it a little tug. "It's not safe for you to be near the window, Brie."

"A High Fae can stop them from dancing?" I said, turning to look at him and then Lilianna. She didn't appear even remotely interested in dancing to the music. Her full attention centered on Lucien, listening intently to his vague explanation as if she'd just heard something truly insightful. "Why isn't the music affecting Lilianna?"

"She doesn't hear the music. It's too far away, and her human senses –"

"I can hear the music," Lilianna interrupted, tapping at her ear. "I heard it before you started getting restless. Had I known the Fae were torturing humans, I would've said something." Pushing up off the couch, she crossed the room to look out the window then headed to the door. "We're going to free the humans."

"We can't," I said, wishing I was half as brave as she was. "They'll realize we're humans as well. We won't be saving them, we'll be joining them."

"Lucien, get my sister the blue cloak you brought for her," she said as if she hadn't heard me say we weren't going anywhere.

"Lili, your sister is right. You can't –"

"Get the cloak," she ordered, and there was something in her tone so strong and certain, he did as she asked. He went to the closet, pulled out the cloak, and brought it back to me. "Put it on and cover your head with the cowl." I opened my mouth to argue, saw the look of fierce determination in her golden brown eyes, and put on the beautifully detailed cloak, pulling wide furry cowl over my head. "If the most powerful High Lord in Prythian is eager to bend to your wishes, what do you think a bunch of High Fae and lesser faeries will do when you order them to stop harming the humans?"

"She'll need a display of power," Lucien said, now fully on board with her plan that most likely would get the three of us killed before the night is over. "Two High Fae were sent to help me prepare for Calanmai. Their names are Rodric and Tormon. Now you know who they are. Call out to them and use those names to find their families."

"You want me to harm innocent Fae?"

"No," Lilianna said, taking hold of my hand. "We want you to make them think you'll harm their families if they don't set the humans free."

"And what happens when you start dancing?" I said, shaking my head. "No, Lilibug. I won't risk your life – I just won't. I already watched you die once."

"If I was really dead, you wouldn't have been able to bring me back," she said, but I knew she'd died. I saw the spirit leave her body, leaving her frozen in death with her mouth slightly open. I fought whatever gods ferried the dead to another place, and yanked her back into her body. "I'm going, Brieanna. I had you to save me, but those innocent people have no one. If you don't want to go, give me the names of their families, and I'll pretend I'm you. It's not as if they know what you look like."

My eyes fell shut and I slowly counted to ten then to twenty. "Lucien, if anything happens to my sister –"

"I'll protect her with my life."

"You'd better."

"Humans dancing to death," Lilianna reminded us impatiently, pulling open the door. "If your _mate _is there –"

"He won't be," Lucien said, gently pushing her out the door. "And stop saying mate like it's a dirty word."

We followed Lucien through the village and into the woods. I held tight to Lilianna's hand, fearing if I let go she'd run off and start dancing with the other humans. Lucien and I kept asking her if the music was starting to take hold of her and again and again she told us no. Lucien caught my eye, nudged his head at her, and I shrugged. I couldn't explain it. Even with Fae blood running through my veins, I still felt the strong sway of the music, and yet I believed her.

We saw the hazy orange glow of what had to be a massive bonfire as we left the forest behind, and I almost turned around to run back to the safety of our home. Lilianna gave my hand a light squeeze, and pulled me forward. The closer we got to the bonfire, the more High Fae and lesser faeries we came across, and every time we passed by them Lucien would remind me to keep cowl of my cloak covering my face.

We stopped at the rise overlooking the bonfire, and Lucien turned to face me, and cupping my chin in his hand, his tilted my face to look up at him. "You need to look the part of the Dream Weaver. I once caught a glimpse of your mother at a party and she wore dark eyeshadow and iridescent jewels around her solid, fiery blue eyes. You have the power to do the same. Concentrate and give it a try."

I did as he asked, trying over and over again just to have him say start over. Finally after what seemed like hours, Lilianna let out a gasp of surprise and perhaps awe, and without have to see my face, I knew I'd done it.

"Arrogance is key," Lucien quietly instructed as we made our way down the hill. "Keep your chin up and look down your nose at them. Don't stammer. Speak clear and concise. Understand?"

"I think I'm going to throw up," I whispered, hot bile rising in my throat as I watched at least twenty humans dancing as fast as they could around the fire.

"No, you're not," Lilianna said. "You're going to pretend every single one of those men and women are me and you're going to save them."

"You can do this," Lucien said encouragingly, pulling Lilianna away from me and wrapping an arm around her to keep her from following me to the fire. "Command them to stop dancing, and then lower your cowl. If I'm right, panic should ensue."

I lift a brow. "And if you're wrong?"

"Well, then it was nice knowing you." Winking at me, he bobbed his head toward the fire. "If you fail call out to Tamlin in your mind and he'll come for you."

"She doesn't need a man to save her. She's the Dream Weaver," she said the last part loud enough that Fae nearby heard her, and then quickly dragged Lucien away as if frightened to be in my presence.

Taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it, I squared my shoulders, and walked down to the fire, stopping in the path of several dancing humans. Sweat ran down their tired faces, and as I glanced down I saw their feet were bleeding from rocks and debris around the huge fire.

"Stop dancing," I command in a loud, clear voice, and all around the fire men and women dropped to the ground in exhaustion. The music ended on a note as sour as my stomach. High Fae began shouting and cursing at me for ruining their fun and as Lucien instructed I grasped hold of the furry edges of the cowl and slowly lowered it revealing the sparkling jewels around my solid blue eyes. My mother's voice echoed through my mind, reminding me to stand tall and proud and to bring them to their knees. "The humans are free to go," I said, and more shouting began from the High Fae and lesser faeries on the rise. "Do you not recognize the Dream Weaver when you see her." That caused laughter to erupt through the crowd, and my mother urged me to show my power to them.

I blinked and my eyes turned fiery. "I see your face, Darmen," I said not quite sure where the name came from, but looked to the tall, lean High Fae with silver blond hair. "You will dream my dreams tonight and you will know the Dream Weaver has risen." My gaze strayed from him to the dark-haired man with dark scrolling tattoos on his muscular arms. "You as well will dream the nightmares of the Dream Weaver, Kalen." My knees were shaking so badly I feared they'd give out on me, but I kept my chin lifted as a murmur went through the crowd. "Bow before me."

"Her eyes are on fire," several people said, the panic in their tone evident. "Only the Dream Weaver's eyes burn when they look upon you."

Then one of the humans lifted his head, and whispered hoarsely, "Bless you, Dream Weaver." One by one the rest of the human men and woman joined in.

"My eyes have fallen upon you," I went on to say, looking from one Fae to the next, "May the Caldron have mercy on you as I will not."

"Mercy," Lucien called out from the back of the crowd and Lilianna joined in, "Please, Dream Weaver," he added, and he must've dropped to his knees to pretend to beg as one by one other Fae dropped down on one knee, leaving me the only one standing, and it was then I noticed Tamlin up on the rise rushing toward the crowd.

He couldn't see me like this, he couldn't see what I was or any chance I had to make him love me would be lost. I was going to lose him. I couldn't lose him – I couldn't. I couldn't. I pressed my eyes shut waiting for him to reach me. My ears were buzzing so loud I couldn't hear the calls for mercy any longer, and the longer I waited for the inevitable moment when all my hopes would be dashed, the more terrified I grew. I had to see his face. I had to look at him and try to explain about my mother.

Prying one eye open at a time, I saw only trees surrounding me. I spun around and around, confusion warring with panic. I didn't know where I was or how I'd gotten there. _You winnowed, daughter,_ came my mother's voice through whatever bond we shared that allowed her to defy death to speak to me. _Your fear and need to escape brought you to the woods beyond your village. _Hearing her say I was alone in the woods where strange creatures lurked, I took off running in the direction she showed me in my mind. I made it home in a blur of speed and collapsed on the couch.

Lucien and Lilianna came stumbling through the door well over an hour later, laughing as if they had the best night of their lives while I couldn't stop shaking. Lilianna explained how they had to sneak away while Tamlin was arguing with several High Fae about me – no, not me. The Dream Weaver. They believed he'd used some dark power to bring my mother back to serve him, and in trying to help the innocent humans I'd only made matters worse for him. Now I could never tell him the truth, and if I couldn't tell him who I really was then any relationship we had would be built on a lie that would eventually destroy us from within.

XxXxXx

It took me forever to finally fall into a fitful sleep and it felt as if I just drifted off when Lilianna woke me. Humming softly to herself, she pulled opened the curtains letting in the bright sunlight, and I groan covering my head with the pillow. She yanked the pillow away from me, and threw it on top of the armoire then pulled off the blankets.

"You've slept the whole morning away," she said as I grabbed the blankets and pulled them over myself, gripping hold of the edges so she couldn't remove them again. "Lucien brought you a dress to wear, and he'll be back in an hour to bring us to the celebration."

"What time is it?" I mumbled, brushing the hair out of my eyes.

"The sun is starting its decent in the sky. Lucien said I should wake you earlier, but since the festivities will last throughout the night, I thought you needed the rest."

"I don't want to go to the party."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I really don't. Because of me everyone thinks Tamlin brought back my mother to use her power against them."

"So what?" She shrugged unconcernedly. "You saved those people last night, Brie. You should be proud of yourself for doing something no other High Fae would do, and I'm not going to let you wallow away in this bedroom when your man is going to be at the Calanmai."

Any argument I gave her, she turned it around on me, and in the end I gave up and got ready for the party. The dress, if it could actually be called a dress with what little material it was made from, left me feeling almost embarrassing naked. Backless and with a neckline that plunged below my navel, it reminded me of something the whores who worked at the taverns in our village would wear. The only positive thing I could say about it was how the shimmering deep blue color matched my eyes, but that did little to make me feel comfortable about stepping outside in the curve hugging, breast revealing, thigh exposing dress Lucien picked out for me.

I kept touching the web of scars on my arm as Lilianna played with my hair, arranging it then rearranging it until she was pleased with how the thick braid looked with flowers, Lucien scavenged to find, woven through the plaits with loose tendrils framing my face. Lucien arrived a few minutes after she finished my makeup, and began insisting that we needed to get going leaving Lilianna with only a few minutes to put on the dress he brought her which by comparison to mine looked like a burlap sack. The floor-length silky mauve dress covered almost every inch of her body with its high neckline, long puffy sleeves and it flowed down her without giving a hint of the curves she possessed underneath. It looked ridiculous on her, but she shrugged it off and smiled sweetly at Lucien, patting his cheek as she headed out the door.

By the time we reached the rise where we stood the night before, I felt sick. Drums had begun to play, and they pounded in perfect sync with the headache forming behind my eyes. My cheeks flushed as Fae openly stared at me as they passed by us. All around me High Fae and lesser faeries were laughing and having a great time, and those drums kept pounding and pounding over and over again. Lucien and Lilianna wanted to join the others below, and after pleading with me to come with them, I told them I'd be fine where I was and to go have fun. I watched them run off then went to stand beneath the shade of an old gnarled tree.

My eyes darted from one Fae to the next searching for Tamlin's golden hair, but I didn't see him anywhere. Crowds gathered around the mouth of a cave, and as I watched I saw them lift their arms to pass a large dead white stag over their heads down the line until it reached the last few Faes and they set it on the ground to be gutted for the feast. My stomach rolled and churned at the sight of blood spilling onto the ground, and seeing enough of the celebration that involved killing a helpless animal, I turned to leave, and smacked straight into a tall, dark-haired Fae with blue – no, violet eyes.

"Are you enjoying Calanmai?" he said, his voice deep and rich.

"No – yes, I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed," I admitted, glancing over my shoulder at the men cutting away the stag's hide. "No one mentioned the stag . . . ."

"I'm sure they probably didn't mention most of what this celebrations entails." He causally tucked his hands into the pockets of his black jacket with silver and gold strands woven through it. "Tamlin will choose one of those women down there to take into the cave, and as he makes savage love to her, the power he takes into his body will be released into the earth renewing Spring once more." His eyes traveled down the length of me, and a smile pulled at his sensual lips. "Or perhaps they have told you everything and you are vying to be the one he beds tonight."

My hand reacted of its own accord, and the sound of the slap across his face drew more attention than I could've possibly imagined. The drums skipped several beats as the crowd below looked up at us, and my eyes honed in on Lucien shouting to me, but I couldn't hear what he said.

"It's nice to finally meet you, cousin."

In a blur of speed he grasped hold of me, and then everything disappeared but him.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

_Rhysand_

It had never been my intention to meet my cousin under anything other than pleasant circumstances. Although I had a long memory for those who harmed me or my family, I wanted to give the new Dream Weaver a chance to prove she was nothing like her mother. At her request I freed Lucien from his serve to me to work for her, and in exchange she targeted one of my sentries weaving a dream I feared he'd never wake from. Kalen returned from the Spring Court and immediately came to warn me of the risen Dream Weaver, and went on to inform me that her fiery blue eyes had fallen upon him. To set Kalen's mind at ease, I played it off as a glamour Tamlin used to frighten the High Fae and lesser faeries due to his mental issues. He believed me and then I spent the morning comforting and assuring his wife and mother that I would find a way to wake him.

I'd only told my inner circle of friends about Mara's daughter and that was why Azriel and Cassian joined me when I went to meet them the night before. Instead she sent her younger sister in her stead, and the little spitfire earned my admiration for the clever way she brokered a deal to release Lucien from his oath to the Night Court. I couldn't detect a single hint of fear coming from her, but Lucien felt enough fear for her wellbeing to more than make up for her lack of concern for her own safety. Although I'd never admit it to anyone including Feyre, the girl rattled me when my wings unfurled and it didn't faze her in the slightest. If anything she looked unimpressed by my show of power and it forced me to wonder how powerful her sister was if she didn't cower behind Lucien at the sight of my wings.

When my cousin slapped me across the face in front of High Fae from every Court, she left me with no other choice but to abduct her. Lucien tried to warn her to run, and I could see her sister running toward me instead of away to hide, and those two things made my decision simple. We reappeared in the bedroom I'd given Feyre when she first came to stay in the Night Court to honor the bargain we made Under the Mountain. Worming her arms up between us, she pushed on my chest until I released her.

"Do you have a name, cousin?" I asked as she slowly pivoted on her heel to take in the spacious bedroom.

"None that I would give you," she said, turning back to face me. "But you are Rhysand and your mate is Feyre."

"You look like your mother." My eyes traveled down the length of her, noting the web of scars on her arm and hand then my gaze traveled downward to her bare feet. "While you stay with us, you will wear something to cover your feet. Is that understood?"

"No." Turning her back on me, she went to sit on the bed. "You didn't like my mother very much, did you?"

"There was nothing to like about her," I answered honestly. "When I was younger I had close friend named Reya, and out of spite over something I said she wove a dream to trigger Reya into slitting her own throat the next time she saw me."

"I'm sorry for your loss." She closed her strange blue eyes for several long moments, and when she finally opened them she shook her head. "My mother couldn't have cared less about your joke at her expense. It was your father who ordered your friend's death. You had asked him if you could marry her and he couldn't allow his son to marry a low born girl."

"No, that's not – he wouldn't have –"

"Why would she lie?" she said, cutting me off from my stops and starts as I tried to wrap my mind around what she claimed. "She's dead and so is your father. There's nothing to be gained from lying to you."

"Is she speaking to you now?"

"Ever since I accepted the powers that were rightfully mine, she's been speaking to me and giving me guidance." She nudged her head toward the cushioned chair Feyre had placed near the wide open windows to look out at the mountains, and I obliged her in taking a seat. "She didn't want this life and that's why she ran away when she got the chance."

"You didn't know your mother like I did." I'd spent far too many years keeping any close friends I had a secret from her, and learned to shield my mind in my sleep to try to keep her out. "Did you know that when her father saw her eyes for the first time he named her Mara after the Court of Nightmares? From a young age he taught her to kill Fae through their dreams, and it was widely rumored that one day she would be the first High Lady of the Night Court." I leaned forward and rested my forearms on my thighs, clasping my hands. "The woman you knew was a carefully constructed lie. And it's my task to find out if you are your mother's daughter in every way."

"If you don't believe a word I say, how can I prove that I'm not a threat to you or your family?"

"You can't. As long as you're breathing, you'll always be a threat to the people I care about."

"So you're not really concerned about whether I am my mother's daughter. You're just trying to figure out if I can be useful to you as my mother was for your father. Or if you should kill me."

"If you were in my position you'd be thinking the same things," I said, thinking of Feyre, Mor and my other close friends. If she was our enemy, my mate and none of my friends would be able to sleep while she lived. "As High Lord of the Night Court and the Court of Nightmares, it's my job to eliminate any threats to my people."

She stood and walked out onto the terrace, and for a moment I considered pushing her off the ledge to end the threat she represented. "I understand your fears," she said, looking out at the mountains across from where I called home. "I would be terrified of someone like me as well if I had a baby on the way."

My eyes widened and I drew in a sharp breath. "A what?"

"A baby – you know, a tiny little Fae child that has your eyes and Feyre's nose." She glanced over her shoulder at me. "You didn't know?"

Anger coiled in my chest as my stomach twisted in knots. "You were in her dreams?"

"I'm in her dreams right now," she said, and turning to face me she tilted her chin to look down at me. "I don't want to die, Rhysand. My sister needs me as much as Feyre needs you, and I told you the truth as plainly as I possibly could, but you refuse to see me as anything other than someone who needs to die. So you can see why I have to protect myself. You would do the same if you were me."

"What have you done?" I growled, hands balling in tight fists.

"As long as I live, Feyre will live," she stated calmly in the face of my rage. "If I die a natural death, she will live. But if you or your friends or anyone who is loyal to you murders me, she will die."

"Remove the trigger," I gritted out, rage building inside of me until my wings burst forth.

"Why?" She lifted a delicate brow. "You have nothing to fear as long as you never order one of your men to kill me or you do the job yourself." She moved to stand in front of me, a brave move under the circumstances. "I only have one wish and that is to live in peace with my sister. I don't want to be a weapon for some Court to use against their enemies, and I don't want to have to fear for my life because of who my mother was. I wish it hadn't come to this, I really do. I'd hoped my sister and I could've made Velaris our home and had a happy life without fear of someone trying to harm us, but you've made it very clear I will always be a threat you need to rid yourself of."

"If I give you the life you dream of will you release Feyre from the trigger you placed on her mind?"

"You're asking me to trust you with my life," she countered, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, but I fear the moment I remove the trigger is the moment you will strike."

"You're just like your mother."

"And you're as bad as my uncle. It forces me to wonder how long it'll take before you start beating me the way he did."

"I would never –"

"Hit me?" A sad smile pulled at her lips. "You would do much worse and think yourself much better than my uncle. He murdered my sister, and only by accepting the power my mother bestowed on me was I able to bring her back."

"That's not possible. If your sister had died nothing you could've done would've brought her back. You were mistaken."

"She was dead," she repeated, tears welling in her eyes. "Her body had grown cold. I brought her back with the power my mother gave to me."

"If she did die as you say, you're not the one who brought her back," I said, intrigue warring with the rage burning me up inside. "Your sister is – strange. She has no fear. I would fear for her safety if I were you because she will not."

Her eyes narrowed on me. "How do you know that?"

"Lucien brought her to meet with me last night."

"He what – I'm going to . . . that sneaky bastard."

"I wouldn't blame him too much if I were you. She doesn't seem like the kind of girl who takes no for an answer once her mind is made up." I studied her a long moment as she pondered what to do with Lucien, trying to decide how best to deal with her without harming Feyre. "If your gods brought her back, she could be gifted with powers of her own. I could help you determine if that's the case, and if so we could teach her to use them together."

"Thank you, but my sister is a normal human," she said in complete denial of anything being wrong or strange about her sister.

"Yes, I'm sure you're right. I imagine humans come back from death all the time where you're from," I said, hopefully planting seeds of doubt in her mind. "But the offer stands. If we work together maybe we'll learn to trust each other."

"I would like that," she admitted to my surprise. "I don't want to be your enemy, Rhys. That was never my intent, but I will protect myself from you or any threat to my wellbeing."

"Does your threat apply to my child as well?" I asked, bracing myself for the answer.

"At the moment your child cannot survive without its mother," she whispered, blush pink lips dipping into a frown. "Give me reasons to trust you, Rhys. I don't want to be the cause of their deaths, but you left me with no other option."

"How do I do that?"

"Return me to my sister. She must be frantic with worry over my disappearance."

My eyes traveled over the revealing dress she wore, exposing far too much of her body to be anything other than an attempt to draw Tamlin to her, and I shook my head. "Not tonight. After Calanmai is over I'll bring you to your sister."

"But she'll be –"

"No," I said, standing to tower over her, "Lucien should've known better than to dress you up like a common whore during Calanmai. Tamlin would tear him to shreds if he ended up choosing you then learned you were my cousin. Not to mention what he'd do to you. You're lucky I found you when I did."

"I was leaving when you abducted me." She folded her arms across her chest, shifting the silky fabric of the dress to expose more of her breasts.

"There are clothes in the armoire." I pointed to the large intricately carved armoire where Feyre used to keep her clothes when she came for her monthly visits. "Go change into something a little less revealing."

She stomped her barefoot against the marble floor. "Take me home, Rhys!"

"Change and I'll take you to meet my mate," I said, hoping Feyre could talk some sense into her. "She wanted to thank you for saving those humans last night. If you meet her you will understand why you have to remove the trigger you've placed in her mind."

"Oh, you mean like how meeting me has made you realize you were wrong and I should be allowed to live?"

"You'll want her as your ally if you make Velaris your home. As High Lady she can –" The words died abruptly on my lips as she vanished before my eyes. The Dream Weaver knew how to winnow, something I hadn't expected and would be prepared for next time we met. "Clever girl. It's a shame you're my enemy."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

_Tamlin_

I caught Brie's soft alluring scent, and with the drums urging me on I searched for her. Raw power ravaged through my body, taking over my mind leaving me with only one thought – find her. I growled, baring my fangs at anyone in my way as I stalked her scent. The drums boomed in perfect sync with my heartbeat, increasing as took off running toward the rise, knocking over several lesser faeries standing in the way of me and my prey. I reached the top of the rise, and roared with rage at not finding her where her scent was the strongest. As always taunting me and then slipping away leaving me filled with overwhelming desire.

I looked down at the crowds below, narrowing my eyes to look from one Fae to the next, but she wasn't there. It was a trick as the night before had been a trick played by some High Fae to make a fool of me. The only woman I wanted wasn't there, and yet the drums kept pounding, pushing me to find someone else to complete the ritual. Finally as the hour was growing late, I chose a pretty redheaded lesser faerie who didn't want me anymore than I wanted her, and amidst the cheers of my enemies I did my duty to save them. As soon as we finished, and the power I took into myself was released back into the ground, she pushed me off of her, and quickly dressed. Laughter followed her as she raced out of the cave, and I heard her say I was the worst she'd ever had causing the others to laugh all the harder.

In previous years before Feyre, I would've joined the party and perhaps found another woman to return to the cave with, but not this year. I rolled over on my side and rested my head on my bent arm, waiting for the night to end so I could sneak back to the manor and stay there for days until the humiliation of the night didn't sting as in my own misery, I didnl't know how much time past before I heard someone enter the cave and crouched beside me.

"Get your clothes on," Lucien ordered, draping my shirt over my naked torso. "I told you to keep your eyes closed, Lili."

"Yes, you did," she replied, brushing her cool fingers through my hair, "but as I told you, I've never seen a naked man before."

"Go away," I uttered in a raspy whisper, swatting her hand away. "I want to be left alone."

"Rhysand took Brie," Lilianna blurted out, and Lucien growled at her as I bolted to my feet.

"I thought we discussed easing into the abduction of Brie," Lucien said, clamping a hand over her eyes. "Clothes, Tam. Just because she said she wanted to see a naked man doesn't mean you should stand in front of her in all your glory."

I quickly donned my forest green tunic, and searched around until I found my pants in a heap near the wall of the cave. As I pulled them on, I asked, "You brought her to Fire Night?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time, but upon reflection – it was Lili's idea."

"Coward." Bumping her shoulder into his, she looked up at me. "She came for you."

"For me?" I laughed. "Why would earth would she want to do that?"

"I don't know. Maybe she's enraptured with your charming personality," Lucien chuckled.

"You're hilarious." I didn't believe for one moment that Brie had come to Calanmai for me, but even if she hadn't I couldn't stand by when someone – no, not someone, Rhysand abducted her. "Are you certain she didn't go back to whatever house you set her up in, Lucien?"

"She's not there. We checked," Lilianna said as she stood and brushed dirt off the hideous dress she wore. "We saw him grab her and then they disappeared."

"Have you contacted your High Lord?"

"He's not my High Lord anymore," Lucien informed me, picking a dried leaf out of Lilianna's hair. "He released me from my oath of loyalty to the Night Court so I could serve Brie and Lili."

"Of course he did. Was that before or after he cut of his bat wings and took a vow of celibacy?"

"We're wasting time." Lilianna grabbed hold of Lucien's hand and began dragging him out of the cave. "Are you coming or are you going to stay here and sulk all night?"

"I find it's easier not to argue with the whirlwind," Lucien chuckled, heading outside leaving me to follow and face the humiliation of walking past High Fae and lesser faeries laughing at me as if I hadn't just saved them.

Lilianna paused in her steps and whirled to face the crowd. "This man saved your wretched pathetic lives," she shouted, garnering everyone's attention as she waved a hand at me. "He didn't have to. For as horrible as you've been to him, he still did what needed to be done to save Prythian. He could've let you die, and this is how you repay him?" She pointed a finger at the redhead I chose to complete the ritual with. "You think he enjoyed bedding you, you ugly troll? He was searching for the Dream Weaver."

"No, I wasn't," I whispered to Lucien.

"She's on a roll, Tam, there's no stopping her now with unimportant details."

"After all these years, she returned – not to the Night Court, but to the Spring Court." She waved a hand at me again. "To her mate, and may the gods have mercy on anyone who doesn't see him in a new light as she won't show mercy – not for anyone who would not forgive a man for mistakes he made out of love for another."

A murmur went through the crowd, terrified voices shouting over each other, many of them rushing toward us begging for forgiveness. Lucien grabbed hold of her hand and the sleeve of my shirt to drag us away. When we far enough away from the crowd Lucien burst out laughing and Lilianna joined in.

"That was brilliant," he said between laughs, rubbing away the moisture gathering in his eyes. "His mate – did you see their faces. That was undoubtedly the best thing I've seen in the longest time."

"You're welcome." She bowed her head and curtsied, laughing all the while. "I bet they won't be so nasty to you in the future."

"Because they're afraid," I pointed out, shoulders slumping. "There's a huge difference in being liked and being feared, and if I had to choose the latter or the life I'm living now I'd choose to be alone."

"It's a start, Tam," Lucien said, defending her actions. "As a High Lord there can't be one or the other. They'll like you and fear you in equal measure. Take this as a win as that's what it is."

"Thank you, Lili," I said, around the thick knot forming in my throat. "No one has defended me in long time."

"You're not as bad as they've made you believe you are." She winked at me. "Now that we've settled that, how are we going to rescue my sister?"

"I'll go to the Night Court to speak to Rhysand and Feyre," I said, and calling out to my ravens, I sent them flying toward the Night Court to warn of my arrival. "Lucien will stay with you at the manor until I return with your sister."

Lilianna opened her mouth to argue, but Lucien caught her eye and shook his head. He held my gaze for a long moment as if trying to decide if he should voice his concerns. "Are you sure you want to go alone?"

"If you go with me they'll see you as a traitor and any hope you have of being with Elain will dwindle to nothing."

He nodded, giving me a meaningful look of appreciation. "Be careful, Tamlin, and if at all possible meet with them at the border of the Day Court and their Court."

I nodded curtly and winnowed away through the between spaces before Lucien offered any more advice. I reappeared moments later at the border and informed one of the sentries that I wanted an audience with the High Lord and Lady and wouldn't leave until they spoke with me. Although he rushed off to inform them of my arrival, they made me wait several hours before he finally returned to escort me to meet with them in the grand hall where Rhysand and Feyre casually lounged on ornate thrones carved of dark wood. As I walked across the black marble floor veined with silver, I took note of the others standing protectively around their High Lord and Lady on the raised dais. I feigned disinterest as my eyes fell from one brawny Illyrian warrior to the other taking in the siphons glowing on their forearms before my eyes flitted to Rhysand's cousin Morrigan and the woman they called Amren.

Rhysand lifted a hand for me to stop a good distance away from the dais, and when I took several more steps out of spite his warriors growled at me. Feyre's lips pressed together in a thin line as her green eyes briefly met mine before she focused on some point just beyond my shoulder.

"Why are you here, Tamlin?" she said, resting her hand on her stomach.

"Your mate abducted a woman from my lands, and on behalf of her sister I've come to retrieve her," I said, squaring my shoulders and tilting my chin. She may have taken everything from me, but I refused to look thoroughly beaten in front of them.

"Rhys?" Feyre looked to him, he gave a subtle shake of his head, and she returned her attention to me. "Her sister must've been mistaken. If she was abducted perhaps you should search for her amongst the High Fae and lesser faeries who attended Calanmai."

"Lucien _saw_ him take her," I said with forced evenness in my tone, claws piercing my skin above my knuckles. "Her sister _saw_ him take her. I have no idea why one human girl would garner so much interest from the High Lord of the Night Court, but she has and I want her returned to her sister immediately."

"I never left the Night Court yesterday," Rhysand said, flicking an imaginary piece of lint of his black jacket. "Isn't that true, Cas?"

"He was with me most of the day, Feyre," the Illyrian warrior said, glancing Feyre's way.

"Liars," I growled, taking another step toward the dais. "If Lucien and Lili saw him abduct her at Fire Night others would have witnessed it as well. You took her, Rhysand, and everyone here knows it."

"Feel free to search my home and all of the Night Court and Court of Nightmares if you'd like – the girl isn't here," Rhysand offered, waving a hand at Cassian. "Cassian will accompany you and you can see for yourself that I'm speaking the truth."

"She isn't here," Feyre reiterated, clasping hold of Rhysand's hand.

"Maybe if you tell us her name and give a description of what she looks like I can send my sentries to search for her," Rhysand offered, and that struck me as odd as he would never willingly help me even to save an innocent girl.

"I'd rather not give her name to my enemies," I said, holding Rhysand's gaze, and I noticed the nerve in his right cheek twitch.

"Then I don't see how we can help you find her," Feyre said, and their friends murmured in agreement. "As my mate said, you are free to search our lands if you'd like, but you won't find her. If you'll recall, we are allies with the humans, and therefore it's ridiculous to even suggest that the High Lord would abduct one of them. What would his reason be, Tamlin?" She shook her head and sighed. "As always you haven't thought this through and are making more bad decisions that will likely cost this girl her life."

I looked from her to Rhysand and smiled. "Thank you, Rhysand. I didn't realize it at the time, but you actually saved me from shackling myself to a bitch."

"Watch how you –"

"Your threats don't scare me anymore, Rhys." I shrugged a shoulder. "I have nothing left to lose which means you can't take anything more from me. It's you who should be careful," I gestured around the spacious hall at the priceless antiques lining the room, "you have everything to lose including those you hold most dear." My eyes fell to Feyre again, and her guards quickly moved to shield her from me. "I will ask you one more time where she is, and then whatever happens after that will be on your head, Rhysand."

"She's gone," he said after a lengthy pause, glaring at me and Feyre drew in a sharp breath. Her guards looked equally dumbfounded by the news. "We spoke for a while and then I let her go."

"Rhys?" Feyre said confusion and anger filling her tone. "Why would you keep this a secret from me?"

"Where did she go when you let her leave?" I pressed, unconcerned about Feyre's hurt feelings.

"I don't know, but I pray she meets a natural death along the way," he said with a faint smile. "For your own sake, if you find her send her far away from you, Tamlin. You will never win back what you've lost with that girl living on your lands."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I don't care about what I've lost then, isn't it?"

Winking at Feyre, I grinned at Rhysand before I winnowed away to tell Lucien and Lilianna what I learned from my visit to the Night Court.

**Thanks for taking the time to read and for the reviews of my story while I play in Sarah Maas' playground. Please let me know what you think...:) **


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

_Lucien_

I shouldn't have brought Lilianna to meet Rhysand. High Lords preferred to be the smartest people in any given conversation, and when she bested him he didn't take it as well as I'd thought. I didn't see Brie slap him, but I heard a collective gasp work its way down the rise to where Lilianna and I were dancing along with other Fae. I shouted for her to run and Lilianna took of rushing up the rise to save her sister, but she was too late. Rhys took her and no one dared to stop him.

Lilianna demanded I take her to the Night Court at once, but I calmly explained that if I did that then Rhysand would have three prisoners not one. I suggested we go check the house to see if he brought her there to try to win her over, basically wasting time until the ritual was over so we could talk Tamlin into going to get her and bring her back home. With no means of getting there on her own, she reluctantly agreed, and I was glad she did when she put every High Fae and lesser faerie in their place. Tamlin believed she lied to them about the Dream Weaver being his mate, and I laughed it off as part of her scheme to get the Fae to reconsider how they were treating him. Although clearly human, not one Fae questioned the truth of her words, and by the time we reached the top of the rise they were cheering for Tamlin.

He hadn't taken a step off Spring Court lands in nearly two years, but for the mate he didn't realize was his and the small slip of a girl walking beside me, he went to confront the woman who'd torn his heart out. He'd changed and soon enough everyone throughout Prythian would see him as Brie saw him, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that Lilianna would be the one to open their eyes.

"You're pretty amazing, you know that, right?" I said as we walked along the path toward the manor. "When you speak people listen – I mean, really listen and it changes them for the better."

"You drank too much berry wine," she giggled, elbowing me in the side. "They were just surprised a human spoke out in favor of Tamlin."

"No, that wasn't it." I paused in my steps and turned to face her. "Rhysand listened to you as well and he freed me to work for you."

"I'm sure he thought you'd report back to him every juicy tidbit we imparted in front of you."

"I listen to you," I said, frustration welling inside of me. "You're making me a better man, and you don't even realize it."

"I'm sure your mate will be pleased to hear that." She pushed past me and continued walking at a quicker pace. "How long do you think it'll take before Tamlin returns with my sister?"

"It depends on how long it takes for them to grant him an audience. It could take hours or days," I said, lengthening my stride to catch up to her. "I'm sorry about the dress. I thought it would fit you better than it did." No, I didn't. I picked out purposely to cover every inch of her shapely figure to keep other Fae's eyes to themselves. "I guess I was wrong."

"I didn't mind." She cast a glance in my direction and smiled. "I thought it was funny when everyone gawked at how hideous it was, and I made sure to tell them never to let you pick them out a dress to wear."

My golden eye whizzed around as she spoke, determining if she was telling the truth while also searching the forest ahead of us for any sign of creatures or drunken Fae. "How long did you live with your uncle before Brie – before you crossed the border?"

"Five years, seven months and twenty-seven days," she said, grazing her fingers along her ribcage. "I still have the scars from when I died . . . Brie tried to remove them – she doesn't like looking at them, it scares her. They don't bother me though. When I see them, I'm reminded of how lucky I am that she was there to bring me back."

"You couldn't have died, Lili," I whispered hoarsely, guilt gnawing at me for sending them back to the monster who they called uncle. "If you had truly died, no amount of Fae magic would've brought you back." I thought of Feyre's neck snapping as Amarantha tortured her, and how she died and was only brought back when each of the High Lords gave a small kernel of their power to her. "That is unless each of the Seven High Lords bestowed some of their power upon you."

"I'm not lying, Lucien. I saw what comes after – the Beyond where humans and Fae live together in peace. I saw it all and it's far more beautiful than anything you can imagine."

"Then how did your sister bring you back?"

"She didn't." Her soft, full lips pulled into a frown as she contemplated the answer to my question. "If I told you there are beings far more powerful than every High Lord combined, would you believe me?"

"I believe pretty much everything you say, but that seems very farfetched."

She stopped walking, turned to face me, and lightly grasping the side of my face, she rested my head against her chest. "How many heartbeats do you hear?"

To humor her I listened and didn't hear anything. No a single thrum of her heart beating. "I don't hear your heartbeat. Not a single beat."

"And what about now?"

I listened again, and heard the rapid and steady thrum of many heartbeats. My eyes widened, and I pulled away from her. "How?" was all I could think to say.

"I am many and I am one, Lucien," she calmly explained, taking hold of my hand. "This world is too divided and I was given the chance to bring peace to these lands."

"So you're – what? Some all powerful being sent from who knows where to force us –"

"I'm just a girl who knows the truth." She shrugged. "Nothing more. I don't have amazing abilities other than the extended life they've granted me and the ability to speak the words that'll make things better."

"It sounds as if you're downplaying these _gifts_ you were given." I pulled my hand free from hers, and stumbled back a step. "I should warn –"

"Who? Tamlin? Rhysand? Feyre?" She shook her head and sighed. "You were so divided and you didn't even realize it. Tamlin's heart was so shattered he couldn't see a way out. Rhysand is so set on making Tamlin suffer for the rest of his life, it's become his driving force . . . and Feyre, she lives in the past, haunted by memories she can't escape. She's turned as cold as the mountain she calls home, and her child needs her to be at peace and happy or she won't be the mother he needs. These are the things I see, and the things I can change before I die."

"You're not going to die again," I uttered, chest constricting at the idea of living in a world where she no longer existed.

"When my work is finished, I will die." She stepped closer to me, and lightly caressed my cheek. "I'm not afraid to die again, Lucien. When the last heartbeat in my chest stops beating, I'll return to the Beyond place, and hopefully I'll be worthy to live amongst the Higher Beings."

"I won't allow it – I won't." I shook my head emphatically, refusing to believe she only had a very specific predetermined amount of time to live. "I will find a way to give you the long life you deserve, and you're going to hang on until I do. Do you understand me? You're not going to do anything that will cause one of those heartbeats to stop."

"Everything is already in motion, Lucien. You can't stop it just to give me more time."

"Then I'll create more problems you need to solve. I'll create so many problems you'll never be able to leave."

"Don't do that," she whispered, closing the small gap between us to wrap her arms around me, and rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm trusting in you to keep this to yourself. Brie can't know and neither can anyone else."

"You have to let me find a way to save you, Lili." I leaned slightly away from her to look down into her golden brown eyes. "Maybe I'm being selfish, but I refuse to let you go. Not for some Higher Beings who are cruel enough to send you back only to rip you away again."

"We should go," she said, pulling away from me. "I'll race you to the manor," she added, hiking up her dress to run away so she wouldn't have to tell me no again.

I followed at a much slower pace. It felt as if she's punched me in the gut and I couldn't draw in enough air to breathe. She didn't just plan to die she was actively pursuing her own demise, and she expected me to do nothing. Every move she made to bring peace to Prythian, brought her closer to death, and I couldn't begin to fathom how to stop her. _How do I save someone who doesn't want to be saved? _

It wasn't fair. She shouldn't have wormed her way into my heart when she knew she'd be leaving me behind, and she expected me to keep it a secret from her sister. How could I look at Brie without breaking down and telling her Lilianna only had a limited time left to live? She'd chosen the wrong person to keep her secret. I'd never be able to keep it to myself. My mind was already racing with ways to bring it up to Tamlin in hopes that he knew of a way to defy these Higher Beings she spoke of with such reverence.

_Higher Beings be damned. I'm going to save her whether she likes it or not. _

I found her sitting on a stone bench in the rose garden, and she patted the seat beside her for me to join her. "Don't be sad, Lucien," she said, looking at the rubble of the water fountain instead of at me.

"I'm not sad, I'm angry." It was partially true. I was angry. Angry that she would sit there calmly accepting she would die while condemning me to watch her everyday wondering when her given task would be complete. "Will you tell me when you're close to completing your task? Or will you just slip away without giving me a chance to say goodbye?"

"I want to enjoy our time together without thinking about when it will end." She laced her fingers through mine, and lifted my hand to brush her lips against my knuckles. "You have your mate, Lucien. You've made that very clear. So you need to stop worrying about some girl you won't even remember in a few years."

"She's never looked at me the way you do – not once, not in all the time I've known her. I will remember you, Lili, and it will break my heart every time you cross my mind."

For the briefest of moments I saw the sadness welling in her eyes, and it gave me hope she would fight to stay with her sister - to stay with me. "We don't have time for this. We have plans and schemes to make." She stood and pulled me to my feet. "Once my sister is home safe, I need you to take me to meet Feyre. It's time she lets the past rest, and forgives Tamlin once and for all. He sacrificed everything he had and was for her, and no one should have to suffer forever for loving someone the way he did her."

"And Rhysand?" I said, making plans and schemes of my own to slow her progress until I found a way to save her.

"He's a work in progress. He needed to fall from grace to rise above his own ego."

"You knew he would come for Brie?"

"I gave her a gentle push to save innocent people knowing it would get back to Rhysand. Then all we needed to do was leave her alone at Calanmai."

"And what if people don't react the way you hope they will?"

"Then I start over." She shrugged a shoulder. "I can't make people do anything they don't want to do, Lucien. The High Fae and lesser faeries could've just as easily turned on us forcing Tamlin to unleash his power on them."

"Could you die before you complete your task?"

"I don't want to discuss this anymore." She turned her back on me and walked through the gardens to the manor, leaving me to wonder what would happen to her if she failed the Higher Beings.

XxXxXx

Tamlin didn't return home until after the sun had risen and was climbing its way toward its zenith. Lilianna rushed dining room to greet him, stopping short when she saw he was alone. From her grim expression, I realized it was a hiccup in her plan. If Tamlin failed to rescue her from the Night Court, she'd have to start over. I wanted her to start over.

"Where's Brie?" she said, folding her arms across her chest. "You were supposed to save her and bring her home."

"She wasn't there," Tamlin said, taking a seat in his normal spot around the dinner table. "Rhysand said he took her and then let her go."

"And you believed him?" Lilianna and I said in unison. "Why let her go?" she went on to say. "That doesn't make any sense at all."

"I don't know why he took her in the first place so I can't even begin to fathom why he'd let her go," Tamlin's claws dug into the table as he looked from her to me. "I came back to ask you to help me find her. It's a long way from the Night Court to here and she doesn't know the way back."

"Maybe we should wait a while," I said, seizing the opportunity to slow Lilianna's mission. She moved closer to pinch my arm. "If I've learned anything at all about humans, it's that they're resilient. If you give her a few days, I'm sure she'll turn up."

"What a kidder you are." Lilianna narrowed her eyes on me then smiled at Tamlin. "When do we leave?"

"As soon as the horses are saddled. If we split up," he bobbed his head at her, "you go with Lucien and I'll go alone, we'll be able to cover more ground."

"Wouldn't it be better if we all went together?" I said, returning Lilanna's glare with one of my own. "There's safety in numbers, and Lili will be useless if we run into a Bogge or Naga."

"I have faith in your abilities to protect one girl from any creature you happen upon." Tamlin pushed to his feet, and motioned for us to follow him to the barn. "I'll travel through the Autumn Court while you and Lili travel the Summer Court. Ride fast, Lucien. If anything happens to her…."

"We'll find her," I promised, silently cursing the Higher Beings for making me have to choose Brie's safety and Tamlin's happiness over Lilianna's life. If I didn't and something bad happened to Brie, she'd never forgive me. "I'm not giving upon you," I whispered in Lilianna's ear as I walked past her to the barn.

"I never said you would…."


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for taking the time to read and for the really nice reviews. Hopefully everyone is enjoying the story as I play in the wonderful world Sarah Maas created. If you're enjoying the story please let me know :)**

Chapter Fifteen

_Brieanna_

Winnowing was a lot harder than I could've imagined. The first time I'd done it out of fear of Tamlin finding me at the fire, and the second time I ended up under the mountain in the Court of Nightmares. With my mother's guidance, I crept through the cavernous hallways to the suite of rooms she once kept for herself while living there. At first I thought she might've been mistaken or I'd turned the wrong way by mistake, but then she whispered for me to wave my hand over the rocky surface and the wall moved allowing me to enter.

Candles flickered to life, first revealing glittering jewels embedded in the walls and then a pool that seemed lit from within. My eyes strayed from the shimmering pool to her bed, and I smiled at the lavender and turquoise pillows scattered across the black comforter. Her favorite colors. I cross the cavern and picked up an ivory handled hairbrush from the vanity and looked into the large gilded mirror she once sat in front of to put on her makeup. I tried to imagine her in this dark place that went against everything I knew about my mother, but I couldn't picture her living here.

My head fell back on my shoulders, and I looked up at the tapestries of Fae being tortured in various manners along with ones depicting men and women in various sexual positions, and heat flushed my cheeks. _It was a role I was forced to play, _she whispered through my mind, and although that might've been true, she had done horrible things to those weaker than herself.

"You didn't even try to be better than what your father made you," I said, my voice echoing in the wide emptiness of her bedroom. "You could've said no when Rhysand's father asked you to weave a trigger into Reya's mind, but you didn't and that makes you every bit as bad as he was."

I closed myself off to her before she could whisper any excuses through the bond we shared, and went to slump on the bed. I'd always considered her the most courageous person I knew, and I loved her with all my heart, but she spun the stories of her life in the Night Court to make herself the victim of cruel High Fae and High Lords instead of a willing participant. I whispered a word of thanks to my father for always teaching us to be kind to others or I might've turned out to be like my mother.

As I mulled it over I realized it was her who wanted to return to her old bedroom to relive the past through my eyes, and I prayed she felt the sickness churning in my stomach. "I will never be like you," I vowed as I tried to winnow from her bedroom several times to no avail. Whether I wanted her guidance or not, I needed her to teach me how to use the powers she gave me. The barrier I'd erected to block her fell away brick by brick, and she whispered an apology I didn't want to hear.

She explained that until I'd learned to use my powers, I would only be able to winnow relatively short distances taking time to rest in between. She promised it wouldn't always be so difficult, and I couldn't be certain if it was the truth or another lie to add to the other lies she'd told me. My first solo attempt I only managed to get as far as outside at the base of the mountain, and I took time to thank whatever gods were listening that I hadn't winnowed inside the rocky face of the mountain instead of outside on the ground. I shuddered as I imagined being trapped inside mud and jagged rock, suffocating to death as the earth pressed in all around me.

My body trembled, knees buckling and I collapsed on the ground. She'd warned me this would be the hardest step in the journey back to the Spring Court as there were barriers in place to keep the worst of the High Fae and lesser faeries trapped within the Court of Nightmares. I could feel her pride rushing through me that I'd made it out on my own, but all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep until the every inch of my body didn't ache.

I couldn't. Sentries patrolled the perimeter of the mountain, giving me only a few minutes to catch my breath to winnow again. As I'd never traveled through Prythian before, she put an image in my mind of where I needed to winnow to next, and dragging myself up off the ground I vanished and reappeared moments later outside the border of the Night Court. Icy water rushed over me from the fast-moving river winding the ravine between the mountains surrounding me. Teeth chattering, I crawled out of the water and found a shallow cave to curl up and sleep for a while. Or at least I tried to sleep. The dress Lucien gave me to wear was not only too short but also soaking wet from my misstep into the water. I wished I'd accepted Rhysand's offer to change before I winnowed away to the Court of Nightmares.

I'd freeze to death in the ravine, and they'd never find my body. I could hear things scurrying around somewhere behind me and along the water just outside the mouth of the cave. They'd pick my bones clean and then eat the bones as well. Lilianna would never know what happened to me and worse still they'd blame Rhysand when it was my fault. Not that he wouldn't be relieved that I died a natural death freeing Feyre from the trigger I'd placed in her mind. He'd left me with no other choice, and the only way it would ever be triggered was if he or one of his men killed me. I couldn't bring myself to feel bad about ensuring my own wellbeing when he'd made it clear that the best way to deal with me was to end my life.

Somewhere along the line, I must've fell into a fitful sleep and dreamed of Tamlin finding my body chewed apart by scavengers, my eyes picked clean from the sockets. I bolted awake, breathing hard and slapping at my cold skin to rid myself of imaginary vermin. I had to get out of the ravine. It was closing in all around me – I had to get out.

One minute I was trapped in the ravine and the next sunshine and a tall field of golden wheat surrounded me. I had no idea where I was, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I made it out of the ravine. Spying a scarecrow in the distance, I waded through the wheat field and climbed up the post to snatch the oversized tunic off the scarecrow, and slipped it on over my head. The heavy scratchy material felt deliciously warm from the sun, and the baggy pants I tied around my waist with the rope wrapped around the scarecrow's head, did wonders to warm the chill that had settled into my body.

Almost giddy at my good fortune it took a while for it to sink in that I was in a thriving field of wheat instead of ravaged lands like I'd seen in the Spring Court. My heart sank and the momentary joy I'd felt left me in a rush as I realized Tamlin had taken another woman into the cave.

No, wheat couldn't have grown overnight. It couldn't have. The field wasn't that large and it stood to reason the Fae who lived and worked this land worked tirelessly to keep it from dying. I wasn't foolish enough to think Tamlin would sacrifice the lives of every Fae simply because I hadn't been at Calanmai, but nature needed time to bounce back and it would take more than one night to undo the damage that had been done.

I walked for several hours or at least it felt that long with the relentless sun shining down on me, and eventually I slipped out of the heavy wool pants I'd borrowed from the scarecrow, but kept on the tunic to keep from getting sunburned. My stomach rumbled and ached from hunger, but I didn't dare stop at any of the farms and thatched roofed homes I came across. If I had to I could go without food for a while longer, but I needed water to cool my raw throat and soothe my chapped lips. I almost wished I was back at the ravine drinking the icy cold water out of my hands.

When my rubbery legs refused to walk another step, I begged my mother to show me somewhere closer to the Spring Court. I wished I hadn't as I reappeared moments later in the middle of a blizzard, strong winds pushing me off my feet into a snowdrift. As I pushed up out of the drift, my bare feet sunk into the heavy snow, and I screamed in frustration. I'd cast aside the pants that would've saved me from the harsh icy winds and snow pelting my legs. My feet never got cold which should have been a comfort since they were buried in two feet of snow, but I couldn't say the same about my legs and torso and hands, and my face.

I couldn't see beyond the snowdrift in front of me, strong winds and snow whipping around me so fast, I feared I'd go in the wrong direction and end up further away from the Spring Court when the storm passed. So I did the only thing I could do under the circumstances – I ate the snow, and sighed as it cooled the burning in my throat. My fingers stung and burned from the cold, but I continued to swallow down snow to ease the hunger pain in my stomach.

Again my mother took pity on me and I winnowed to the base of another mountain range. I collapsed under the shade of the mountain, and curled into a ball to try to warm my frozen legs and arms. Exhaustion overtook me, and although I knew I'd probably never wake up I drifted into a peaceful sleep.

The warmth of skin against my skin slowly roused me from the deep dreamless sleep I'd succumbed to and I curled into the warmth, pulling the heavy fur blanket up around my shoulders. Shifting closer to the heat warming my backside, I sighed and started to drift off again when someone groaned.

"Stay still, woman," Tamlin whispered huskily, "I'm trying to warm your body, but a man can only take so much."

My eyelids flew open and it was then that I realized I was naked beneath the blanket and so was he. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I found you half frozen to death and this was the only way I could think of to warm you," he whispered, and it did make sense as I felt my skin beginning to thaw.

Then a thought occurred to me, and heat rose to flush my cheeks and I felt the tips of my ears begin to burn with embarrassment the more I thought about it. "Y-you removed my clothes?"

"I kept my eyes closed." I detected a hint of humor in his husky tone, and more heat filled me as I felt the harden length of him pressed against my skin at the small of my back. "I wasn't trying to take advantage of you while you were unconscious."

I needed to change the subject before I thought too long and hard about his strong hands grazing along my skin as he lifted the tunic and dress off my body. "Wh-where am I?"

"Not far from the border between the Winter Court and Autumn Court. You're lucky I ran into a blizzard and had to turn back or I never would have found you." His fingertips ghosted along the curve of my hip, and my eyes fluttered closed as a soft moan breezed past my chapped lips. My body tensed and his chest rumbled with a husky laugh. "You've never slept with a man before, have you?" I hadn't thought it possible for my cheeks and ears to feel any hotter, but that innocent question proved me wrong, and my throat became so tight all I could do was shake my head, thankful he couldn't see my face. "Good," he said, and I heard the smile in his voice, "I wouldn't want to start my road to redemption by hunting down any man who's ever touched your body to pulverize them into the ground."

"You wouldn't –"

"It was a joke," he chuckled, "but apparently not a good one." He fell silent for several long moments and dread tightened in my chest. "I know you can run fast, but I've been calculating the distance from the Night Court and Autumn Court in my head, and – how did you make it this far in such a short amount of time?"

"I'm exhausted, Tam." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either. The timing needed to be perfect to tell him about my mother and my ties to the Night Court, and on the heels of being abducted then released by Rhysand was about as far from being perfect timing as I could get. "And my brain is a jumbled mess. Can we talk about this another time?"

"All right," he conceded with a heavy sigh. "I've sent ravens to inform Lucien and Lili that I found you. I'm going to winnow us back to the manor so you can sleep in a real bed instead of on the ground." Another heavy sigh. "I forgot you don't know what winnow means. Winnowing is how some High Fae travel from one place to another in a matter of moments. For example I could've made it to the Night Court from the Spring Court within a blink of an eye. It takes a while to master the ability of folding the space between two distances, and I can clearly recall when I first was learning I had to go a short distance then take time to rest then another short distance."

He didn't give me a chance to respond, to come clean with how I winnowed the same way he had when he first learned. Gathering me up in his muscular arms, he winnowed to the manor, and gently set me down on the bed in his bedroom. Or at least it was what I thought was his bedroom. My eyes widened at the sight of long claw marks littering almost every wall, shredding through the forest green paint and wallpaper of spring leaves. Every mirror and window was shattered, shards of glass and broken furniture covering the marbled floor.

"I'm sorry," he said, drawing my gaze back to him. "I wasn't expecting company." With a wave of his hand the bedroom righted itself. Shattered mirrored glass danced through the air and pieced itself back into the gilded frame as the window glass did the same. Broken furniture knit itself back together and slid back to its proper place along the walls. The deep claw marks slowly faded replaced once more by the cheery wallpaper and paint. "I've been in a very bad mood for a very long time, and my home somehow managed to become an outward expression of how much pain I was in on the inside."

"Are all the rooms like this one was?"

"Not anymore." He sat on the edge of the bed, and shifted to rest his bare muscular thigh on the mattress. "I wasn't always the monster everyone believes I am. At one point in time I had many friends and Fae who looked to me to protect them. I want to be that man again, but from what I've witnessed, I don't think anyone will let me."

"Why do you care so much what people think about you?" I reached out and tentatively gathered his hand in mine. "You saved them and that's something they can never take away from you. They don't have to like you, but they do have to be grateful for what you've done for them. That's a started, Tamlin. Now it's up to you to show the Courts that you've risen above everything that's dragged you under."

"You're sister's a little spitfire," he chuckled lightly. "She told off everyone who'd gathered for Fire Night, and I swear to you that they actually started cheering for me by the time we left to find you."

"She's far braver than I'll ever be," i said wistfully, wishing I could be more like her.

"Temptress," he murmured, breaking in on my thoughts and nudging his head at the blanket that had fallen from around me to expose a good portion of my breasts. "I should let you get some sleep before I lose the willpower to leave."

"Tamlin," I said as he stood and turned to leave, "I like you."

"Of course you do. How could you not. I'm the most powerful High Lord ever to be created, and I tuck my hand in my pocket all the time as a show of how powerful I am, and I wear a jacket to bed and women swoon over me –"

"Rhysand?" I giggled, making sure to keep my eyes on his face instead of his bare muscular chest or lower still. How the man could've forgotten he was naked defied logic.

"How'd you guess?" he chuckled and winked at me. "Don't tell anyone, but I've spent hours perfecting the hand in the pocket thing he does. You can't just tuck your hand in your pocket any time you feel like it. Timing is key such as when you're in the middle of a battle against four Nagas – that would be the time to put your hand in your pocket."

"Why does he do that?" I said between laughs. "It's like _I'm going to abduct you but first let me put my hand in my pocket."_

His head fell back on his shoulders as laughter burst from his mouth. The deep rich sound of it sending a shiver racing through me. "You're so right. How is it that no one else has ever noticed his pocket fetish?"

"Perhaps they're too busy noticing how powerful he is." I rolled my eyes and laughed again and he joined in.

"You're probably right." As his laughter faded away a smile remained. "Thank you for giving me something to laugh at. I haven't really laughed in the longest time."

"It was nice to hear you laugh as if you didn't have a care in the world."

"Get some rest," he said, hitching a thumb over his shoulder. "I'll bring you up some dinner later, and send your sister up when she returns."

Once again he turned to leave, and made it to the door before I called out to him again.

"Are you forgetting something, Tamlin?" I said, my eyes trailing down his lean hard frame.

"Not that I can think of," he said, resting his hand on the doorknob.

"Clothes, Tamlin. You're not wearing any."

He lowered his head, took in his state of undress, and shifted to look at me. I quickly lowered my head, but not before I saw every inch of his glorious body. "Oh, I don't wear clothes while I'm home. That's not going to be a problem, is it?" When my eyes widened, he winked at me and with a wave of his hand a hunter green tunic and tan pants perfectly molded themselves to his body. "Just kidding."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

_Tamlin_

When Lilianna told everyone I was searching for the Dream Weaver to complete the ritual with, Lucien played it off as if she was telling a story to frighten them, and although I thought it was strange, I let it go. I'd let a lot of strange things go in regards to Brie and her sister such as why Rhysand would be so eager to allow two human girls live in his Court. Or why Rhysand would abduct her at Calanmai. Not to mention Lucien hanging on every word Lilianna said, following her around like a lost puppy.

If I hadn't found Brie near the border of the Winter and Autumn Courts, I probably wouldn't have realized the truth about her until she came clean about it. I'd given her an opportunity to tell me everything when I explained how I learned to winnow, but didn't press the issue. I found it funnier to watch the three of them scramble for explanations for any bit of power I caught her using. Unbeknownst to them, I spied on them as Lucien tried to teach her how to winnow properly and to use her powers to manifest things she might need like clothing and shoes. Not that the Dream Weaver wore shoes, but he still made her manifest them. It made me feel like an outsider, but until she trusted me enough to tell me that she was the Dream Weaver I was content to leave them to their secrets.

When Lucien wasn't giving Brie lessons, he helped me cut away all the dead flowers and stems to make way for new roses in my mother's garden. Or at least he did until he saw Lilianna walk out onto the terrace. His golden eye would whiz around, and winking at me with his good eye, they'd run off together. Wherever they rushed off to everyday, he never looked happy when he returned, and would lock himself in his bedroom for hours afterward. Several times while we were working, he opened his mouth to say something to me then snap it shut, shake his head and walk away.

After the fifth day of the same odd behavior, I couldn't take it anymore. Setting aside the pruning shears I'd been using, I nudged my head for him to follow me out of the gardens and into the woods. Complaining about work that needed to be done, he reluctantly followed, dragging his feet.

"What's wrong, Lucien?" I asked once he'd finally caught up to me. "You look absolutely miserable and it seems to get worse every time you run off with Lili."

"It's Brie," he said after a lengthy pause, letting loose a heavy sigh. "She's not happy living in the Spring Court. Lili begged me not to tell you, but I just can't keep it a secret any longer – not with how happy I've seen you lately. I don't want you to make the same mistakes all over again."

"She's not happy?" It felt as if he'd punched me repeatedly in the gut and I couldn't draw in enough air to breathe. "I thought – she doesn't act . . . why wouldn't she tell me?"

"With your temper she's afraid of what you might do if she tries to leave," he admitted, keeping his head averted so I wouldn't see the pity in his russet eye. She'd made me hope that I could have a better life only to snatch it away from me when I felt as if I was just starting to live again. "Don't be angry with her, Tam. She did try to see the good in you."

"I should feel grateful then, right?" I said, swallowing hard against the thick knot forming in my throat. "When does she plan to leave?"

"That's just it. She won't leave out of a sense of obligation to the Fae of Prythian. She's a good person with kind heart and even though she doesn't enjoy your company –"

"She wants me to kick her off my lands," I finished for him, hands balling into tight fists to keep them from trembling. "It's all been a lie? Every bit of it?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm trying to save her – and you . . . from living a lie."

"How could she do this to me? She knew how broken I was." My mind reeled, my chest so tight I couldn't take in a full breath. I'd let my guard down, and she crushed my heart. "Didn't it ever cross her mind that by pretending to care about me would do more damage than good?"

He winced, and to his credit he looked worse than he did before I asked him what was wrong. "You have no idea how sorry I am. I just couldn't let it happen – I couldn't. Brie would never forgive me if I didn't try to do something to stop it before it was too late."

"She wants to live in Velaris," I muttered, blinking hard at the sting in my eyes. "I'm not even sure why that surprises me – will you be leaving with them?"

"I'm sorry . . . just think about what I've said, okay?" he said without answering my question. "I'm doing this for her. I have to."

"Stop saying you're sorry," I growled, drawing in a shallow breath and slowly releasing it. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I should've known better . . . I should've known." I turned and started walking away only to stop short as I figured out what he was trying to tell me. I swung back to find him rubbing his one good eye. "This isn't about Brie at all. It's about Lili, isn't it?"

"It took you long enough." He let loose a breath. "I almost told you she thought you were the ugliest man she'd ever seen in her life, but I thought that might've been carrying it a bit too far."

"You think that might've been going too far? You think?" I strode back to him and cuffed him across the head. Not hard but enough to let him know never to lie to me again about Brie. "I haven't really laughed in over fifty years. She brought laughter back into the misery of my life, and because you couldn't think of a better way to tell me what's wrong, I almost kicked her out of my home and my life."

"I'd forgotten how you were back then," he admitted almost wistfully. "Your mother always referred to you as the Joy of Spring and it fit you until you and father and your brothers –"

"I don't want to talk about Rhysand's family," I interjected before he could further elaborate. "It ranks up there as one of the worst days of my life. But when your High Lord orders you to do something – you do it, and that is one of the main reasons I vowed to never be like him."

"It doesn't take four men to kill a woman and a child, Tamlin," he pointed out, catching my eye as he continued, "and it never sat right with me that someone who'd so fiercely protect everyone who needed protecting, would willingly murder a woman and a child. Call me crazy, but I think there's more to the story than what I've heard through rumors, gossip and Rhysand."

"Does it really matter?" I said, stomach twisting as I remembered that long ago night in startling clarity. "What's done is done and it can't be changed by rehashing it."

"You and Rhys were friends. And from what I know about you, it doesn't make sense that you would not only tell your father about his mother and sister being alone and unprotected, but also actively take part in their murders. Everyone knows Rhysand's account of what happened to his family, but I want to know yours."

"If I tell you, you have to promise to never repeat a word I say, understand?" When he nodded, I took a moment to gather my thoughts about all that had transpired that night and what had come before it. "Every Court has spies that's a well known fact, and my father's were some of the best since even his own family didn't know who some of them were." I bobbed my head toward the path ahead, and started walking as horrible visions of that night flooded my mind. "By the time I got home that day, my father and brothers already knew about where his mother and sister would be that night and were making plans to attack them."

"So you didn't tell them?" he said, keeping pace at my side.

"Rhys was my friend, and he cared as deeply for his mother as I did for mine. Rhysand may be many things, but he's not stupid. He knew I wouldn't tell anyone and that's why he told me in the first place."

"You're right. He kept Velaris a secret from everyone keeping it safe from Amarantha. It stands to reason that he wouldn't divulge the location of his mother and sister to someone he didn't trust completely."

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the winding path in front of us as I continued recounting the story. "I argued with my father and brothers, begged them actually not to harm his family. It didn't do any good, and my father set my brothers on me. We fought and I ended up unconscious and while I was out of it, they tied me up and gagged me. When I finally woke up, they already had his mother and sister and they took great pleasure in killing them in front of me while calling me a traitor for siding with the enemy." I drew in a staggered breath and slowly released it. "When we returned home, they made me hang up those wings, and I was so sickened by what they'd done, I only mourned my mother's death. Rhysand and his family were right and justified to kill my father and brothers – and even my mother as she knew what they planned to do, but I still miss my mother and the friend I lost that night."

"Why didn't you tell him the truth?" he said, the color leeching from his face. "If he knew –"

"Oh, he knows the truth otherwise there would've been no way he'd let me survive. It makes no sense. His family was dead – his mother and sister who he cherished, and yet he would give me a pass because – because why? If he really believed I betrayed him, I would've been the first one he came after when they invaded our home." I shook my head and sighed. "I wish I could've done something – wish I could've protected them instead of being so damn powerless as they died in front of my eyes. That moment changed something in me. It's hard to explain, but it felt like this iron hard resolve to defend innocent lives became my driving motivation in life. I never wanted to feel that weak and defenseless again, and swore to myself as I hung those bloody wings on the wall that I would protect those weaker than myself with my life if necessary."

"You should've told him the truth," he said after a long pause, stopping in his tracks to look at me. "At some point you should've told him everything. Whether he knew you didn't betray him, grief has a way of twisting what is true and what isn't. In his heart he might've believed you would never do that to him, but his mother and sister were dead and you were the only one he could look to as to why they were gone."

"What is wrong with Lili?" I said, putting an end to the conversation before he could press further. Maybe before Feyre came into our lives I might've one day shared what really happened that night with Rhysand, but too much had happened since we were prisoners Under the Mountain to ever move beyond the hurt and pain to mend our lost friendship. "And why would sending Brie away be the solution to the problem?"

"It's complicated."

"Isn't it always complicated," I said when he failed to explain further. "If you want my help, which you obviously do, I'm going to need to know what we're dealing with."

He chewed at his lower lip, and shook his head paused and shook it again and I imagine there was some sort of internal debate going on inside his head as to whether or not he should share what was wrong with her. "She wants me to take her to speak to Feyre. It's all part of this – this destiny she feels she has, and I'm running out of excuses to not to do as she asks."

"Okay, that was vague," I said, turning on my heel to head toward the manor. "And it still doesn't answer why you wanted me to send Brie away."

Again he debated with himself, mumbling incoherently and cursing under his breath. "You and Brie are the first step in her mission . . . once she's done with everything she's been tasked to do to bring peace to Prythian, she'll – she's going to die, Tamlin."

"You're not making any sense, Lucien. Why would she die?"

"She already died once, and these _Higher Beings _sent her back with a mission and when she's finished, she'll die."

"That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as Higher Beings."

"That's what I thought until I heard multiple hearts beating inside her chest. One by one they'll fade away until she dies, and with how good things are going with you and Brie, I'm afraid she's already lost several of those heartbeats that are keeping her alive."

"And you're hoping that if I send Brie away, those heart beats will return?" I said, a dull ache spreading through my body as I considered how lost Brie would be without her sister.

"It wouldn't have to be forever, Tam." His tone turned pleading as he went on to say, "Only long enough for me to find a way to save her from these creatures. When I figure it out, I'll go to Brie and explain that you made her leave to save Lili."

"What you're asking me to do – I don't want her to go. I don't. You don't understand –"

"I do understand and I realize this will be one of the hardest things you've ever had to do, but if you care about her you'll let her go for a little while."

"What if we can't find a way to save her sister and I lose everything all over again for nothing?"

"I won't let that happen," he promised, his russet eye imploring me to trust him, but my trust didn't come easy, and he was asking for too much. "If I can't find a way to save Lili, I'll tell Brie the truth and bring her back to you."

Pressing my eyes shut, I drew in a deep breath and slowly released it. "How long?"

"Two weeks, three at the most. Maybe more, I don't know."

"If you're lying to me – if this is some sick, twisted –"

"It's not. I wouldn't do that to you."

I could feel my heart shattering all over again as I gave a curt nod. "I'll get it over with at dinner tonight."

"Thank you, Tam. You won't regret this. I swear you won't."

Thanks for taking the time to read:)

From what we've learned of Tamlin, Rhysand's account of how his mother and sister died just felt off to me because it was only his account of what happened. They were close enough for Rhysand to share where his mother and sister would be which means he trusted Tamlin, and Tamlin is written as a protector of the innocent. That's the one thing about him that is written in Sara Maas' stories over and over again, and so I wrote the account of what happen through Tamlin's eyes trying to stay true to the Protector that he is. I feel it makes sense for his character, but if i'm wrong let me know...


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

_Lucien_

Relief flooded through me when Tamlin reluctantly agreed to send Brie and Lilianna away to give me time to figure out how to convince or trick the Higher Beings into sparing Lilianna's life. For days she'd been talking about nothing else but visiting Feyre. She didn't go into detail as to why it was so important to speak to her, leaving me to guess her intentions. The way the girl's mind worked set me on edge. She didn't fear dying because she already knew what awaited her in the Beyond place, and that meant she would speak freely even if it infuriated Feyre and Rhysand. For that reason she made it clear that I was to winnow her into the House of Wind and then leave, and if I did that I knew I'd never see her again.

She didn't see herself as a bargaining chip to keep the Dream Weaver in line, but that's what she would become if I left her to her own devices. She'd bested Rhysand once with idle threats, and as Rhysand didn't know Brie wasn't capable of harming anyone with her gifts, it gave him pause to consider what might happen if he snatched her away from me. It was a clever move on her part, but in the long run it could work to her detriment if Rhysand locked her away somewhere that Brie couldn't find her. Holding her in captivity in some secret location worked on two fronts. One, he would be insuring the safety of his family if Brie feared something would happen to her sister if she harmed any of his friends or Feyre. Two, to insure Lilianna's wellbeing Brie would be given no other option than to work for Rhysand and Feyre.

Temporarily sacrificing Tamlin's happiness for Lilianna's life was the right move on my part, yet it still felt wrong. He could easily succumb to the darkness Feyre left behind once more, and as I sat on grass watching Lilianna swim in the Starlight Pool, I made a mental list of all the ways my meddling could go wrong.

"Come swim with me," Lilianna called out, splashing the liquid silver water at me. "Better hurry, this could be your only chance to swim with me amongst the stars."

"I would but you decided to swim naked." I pointed to her clothes piled in a heap near the edge of the pool. "I seriously doubt my mate would be pleased to find out I went swimming naked with another woman."

"Say it again," she said, swimming to edge of the water and I averted my eyes as her perfectly rounded ass breached the surface of the silvery water.

"Woman – not a girl, not a child . . . a woman. Now that we've settled that could you sink a little lower in the water?"

"Why, Lucien, I do believe you're blushing," she drawled, her backside bobbing up out of the water.

"Stop that, Lili," I growled, bending down to scoop up sand to throw at her. It was a mistake. The moment I let loose the sand, I let out a curse and quickly turned my head as she found her footing and jumped back away from the sand raining down on the pool. Not nearly quick enough. The sight of her beautiful perky breasts became seared into my memory. "Are you purposely trying to drive me to the brink?"

"No, I'm trying to get you to enjoy the life you've been given. Not everything needs to be so dire all the time," she said, ducking her head to catch my gaze. "Swim with me, Lucien. For a few minutes stop worrying about what could go wrong if you let your guard down or why your mate doesn't love you the way she should, and swim with a woman who chose to spend time with you when she doesn't have much time to give."

"Is this another task you need to accomplish for your _Higher Beings?_ Do you get bonus points for getting someone to care about you when they know you're going to die?"

"You care about me?" she said as if she had no clue I stayed up late every night just to come up with plans and conversations I wanted to do and have with her. Or that I kept my eye on the terrace waiting for her to come outside and drag me away from whatever work Tamlin thought up to do. Or that I hung onto every word she said, memorizing the soft lilt of her voice for a time when she was no longer around.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Not when you're sitting out there while I'm alone in this deliciously warm water, it isn't."

"Turn around and no peeking," I ordered, twirling my finger for her to turn away from me. "If Tamlin happens by or anyone else for that matter, we'll drown before we let them catch us swimming naked. Is that clear?"

"It's a good thing our friendship is only temporary or I'd be very offended by your preference to a watery grave rather than to have anyone see you swim with me," she said, pivoting around so I could shed my clothes.

"Why do say stuff like that?" I said, yanking off my boots and throwing them aside then yanked off my black shirt and cast it aside as well. "I'm going to miss you terribly when you're gone, and you're like 'oh…well, I enjoyed what's his name's company while I checked him off my to-do list but thank the Cauldron it was only temporary'. Aren't you going to miss anyone when you die?"

"Of course I'll miss my sister and perhaps some of the friends I had across the border," she admitted, and I waited expectantly for her to say my name as well. "Probably not though as you can't really be close to anyone if you can't share what happens when you go home at night."

"So you're only going to miss your sister?" I said fishing for some sort of validation that I wasn't just some guy she wasted time with while she waited to die. "That seems rather sad to me," I added as I finished undressing and waded into the shimmering water. "Surely you've made a few friends worthy of being missed when you move beyond this world."

"Hmm…none that I can think of at the moment, but I'll let you know if any come to mind," she said as I came up behind her and gently pushed her shoulders down until her breasts were hidden beneath the starry water.

I leaned in, my lips hovering near her ear, and whispered, "You're teasing me, aren't you?"

"Always." She turned to face me and winked. "How could I not when you're so obviously looking for me to stroke your ego." Lightly patting my cheek, she shouldered past me and brazenly walked out of the pool to gather up my clothes and hers. "Remember this next time a woman asks you to swim with her and you tell her you'd rather drown than be seen with her."

"Lili, don't!" I shouted as she sauntered away toward the woods. "I'm serious, Lilianna. Bring back my clothes!"

"I can't hear you," she chuckled, "if only I had your far superior hearing, but alas I don't."

"You hear me just fine," I growled, "get back here with my clothes, you saucy little minx!"

She paused at the edge of the woods and turned to face me. I breathed a thankful sigh of relief that my clothes and hers covered everything that would've had me running out of the water to fall at her feet to worship her as she deserved to be worshipped.

"When I'm gone, Lucien, I will miss you and the fun we've shared together . . . don't forget me, okay? I think that's the only thing I truly fear anymore – being forgotten once I'm gone. I don't want to be forgotten. It makes me sad and I don't want to be sad about dying. So you need to promise me you'll recall memories of days like today when some silly girl stole your clothes to teach you a lesson that you haven't figured out yet."

"If I figure out what you're trying to teach me, will you stay? Please – I need you to stay," I pleaded, a deep and profound ache filling every fiber of my being. "Watching you every day knowing you're going to die is tearing me apart inside."

"Stand strong in the face of adversity," she said, gesturing from where she stood to where I waded in the water. "Hold your head high and never be ashamed of who you are. Why should you care if someone catches you walking home naked? It only matters if you allow it to matter. Otherwise it's just a small moment in a lifetime of moments, and as such it seems ridiculous to waste precious time honing in on those who would ridicule and harm you instead of uplifting you." She grinned, but the mirth didn't reach the depths of her golden-brown eyes. "No matter how powerful a High Lord may be, he can only take away your feelings of self-worth if you give it away freely. The same applies to your mate. If she makes you feel like less of a person begging for scraps of her attention then defy your Caldron and tell her to go screw herself. That's what I'm trying to teach you."

"I can't do that, Lili," I uttered, shaking my head. "Elain's been through a lot and she's –"

"Oh, the poor thing." She rolled her eyes. "She got placed in the Caldron and came out a beautiful powerful High Fae. Oh, the horror. However does she manage to get out of bed every day?" Anger sparking in her eyes, her lips pressed into a grim line. "I was stabbed repeatedly by my uncle while my sister was unconscious from being beaten by him – I died, Lucien. My life ended over some stupid food we took when we tried to escape. So you'll have to forgive me for not seeing how someone could be so traumatized by becoming a High Fae that she would treat you the way she does."

"Not every person is as strong as you are, Lili," I said, guilt curdling in my stomach at being the cause of her death. I might as well of stabbed her myself as I sent her home to her uncle when she and Brie begged me to let them cross the border. "If you met her you'd understand how delicate she is."

"Really?" The pile of clothes in her hands dropped to the ground, leaving her standing before me naked and unashamed. Instead of focusing on the swell of her breasts or juncture between her thighs, my golden and russet eyes narrowed on the seven jagged scars littering her chest and stomach. "His hand was clamped down over my mouth, and I could smell the whiskey on his breath." Tears welling in her eyes, she covered her hand over her mouth imitating how he'd kept her from crying out for help. "His hand was so large it covered my mouth and nose. I couldn't breathe – I couldn't breathe, and his leg pinned my arm to the ground, and I was twisting and squirming, and I kicked the table over and the lamp fell on the floor and all I could think was that the house was going to catch on fire . . . that shouldn't have even crossed my mind, but I needed to get to the lantern – I couldn't get to it, Lucien. Brie was unconscious and if she had burned to death it would've – I was still trying to reach for it when – "

"You're safe, Lili." In a blur of speed, I reached her and pulled her into my arms, fingers weaving through her wavy hair. "No one is ever going to harm you again. I'll defy the Caldron along with every High Lord and your Higher Beings to keep you safe. I swear I will."

"You can't save me, Lucien, I'm already dead," she whispered, leaning back to look up at me. "You need to stop blaming yourself for my death. What happened to me wasn't your fault. It was just how my life was supposed to end. I'm not angry – not even at my uncle. Those bitter feelings wash away when you breathe your last breath, leaving you wide open for so much more, and I don't want to feel sadness over your guilt." Pointing to the pile of clothes on the ground, she added, "You should get dressed. What would your mate think if she learned you were nakedly embracing another woman in the woods?"

"I would tell her it was none of her damn business."

"You see, there's hope for you yet."

XxXxXx

My stomach began to churn so bad by the time the four of us sat down to dinner, I couldn't swallow down a bite. I kept glancing Tamlin's way, hoping he'd take the hint and abruptly change from being a quiet albeit charming host to a snarling beast capable of sending Brie and Lili away. After listening to Lilianna recount what her uncle did to her, I was more determined than ever to trick the Higher Beings into not only freeing her but also giving her an immortal life.

As Brie and Lili chattered away about nothing of consequence, I slid my foot across the marble floor and kicked him in the shin. A low growl of warning, but they didn't seem to notice. "Did you say something, Tam?"

He swallowed. "No, I was just chewing my venison." He pointed to the food I'd moved around on my plate without taking a bite. "You're not eating," he added, drawing Lilianna's attention to our conversation, and I could feel the heavy weight of her eyes on me. "I've never known you not to eat everything on your plate. Is something wrong?"

"Can I have a word with you in private?" My chair scraped against the floor as I pushed it back to get to my feet. He nodded and followed me outside to the terrace, and once the door shut behind us, I rounded on him. "When are going to kick them out? Dinner's almost over and this is not the kind of news you tell anyone over dessert."

"I'm not going to force them to leave," he stated calmly. "If you try to save her by pretending to ruin the good she's trying to accomplish it'll only serve to make her angry and you could easily lose her friendship."

"I'd rather lose her friendship than for her to lose her life. If she dies because you refused to help me, I'll never forgive you."

"You're not thinking this through, Lucien." He glanced through the glass doors to watch Brie and Lilianna laughing as they playfully threw rolls at each other from across the table. "You can't undo what she already feels she's accomplished. You have to, for the lack of a better word, _sabotage _anything else she has on her list to do for these Higher Powers. That'll give us time to figure out how to save her from dying a second time."

"Feyre would help me." As soon as the words slipped past my lips, I regretted them, but I couldn't backpedal, and from his scowl I knew I struck a nerve. "She would push Rhysand away for a short while to save an innocent girl's life."

"Feyre?" He lifted a brow and laughed mirthlessly. "You've lost your mind, Lucien. She's so self-absorbed it's sickening. I was wrong to lock her inside the manor. I freely admit that, but she only thought of herself and her needs when I clearly explained to her that lives could be lost if she went with us. She didn't care. Her only concern was what she wanted to do at the time. And yet there you stood giving her pitying looks that encouraged her to try to follow us. If you hadn't done that and instead backed me up about the dangers we were facing, maybe she wouldn't have tried to follow, and I wouldn't have been forced to shield her from running toward a battle risking many lives including her own."

"You could've trained her – I offered to teach her how to protect herself."

"Yes, I could've done a lot of things differently, but the difference is that she had time to deal with what happened to her. I didn't. When I wasn't rounding up and killing Amarantha's lackeys, I was trying to keep the Wall secure and battling with Hybern's armies. I was exhausted and running on empty, and whenever I came home there she was pouty and eager to instigate arguments because she was bored. Say what you will, but that's what it came down to – she was bored. She loved to paint so I bought her paints and canvases, but of course that was the wrong thing to do. Why, I don't know. Instead of telling me she started in with the nagging and nagging, and her voice grated on my last nerve . . . when you can never do anything right in the person you're in love with eyes, you start to feel very small and that's how she made me feel most of the time, Lucien. You of all people should know how that feels since your mate does the same thing to you."

"You could've had her sit in on the meetings we had to plan our strategy against Hybern's armies," I said to defend her as had become my habit even though he was right about how Elain made me feel about myself.

"You're kidding, right?" He lifted a brow. "If that's the case, I should've also invited the kitchen staff in to discuss their thoughts on how best to push back Hybern's forces." Scrubbing a hand down his face, he let loose a heavy breath. "My point is, she had no military training or experience to make it beneficial to have her present in the meetings, and would've only served to give her another reason to be moody when I didn't praise her for her ingenuity."

"She helped win the war," I pointed out as my gaze strayed to Lilianna and she smiled my way. "She gathered very powerful forces that helped defeat Hybern."

"Do you want me to send her a 'thank you' card?" he said sarcastically, and waved his hand dismissively. "I don't want to argue about something that's in the past, let it stay and rot where it is. You want my help to save Lili and I'm more than happy to give it to you, but I'm not going to send them away simply because you haven't come up with a better plan. You're a smart man, Lucien. You'll figure it out."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

_Brieanna _

Although Lilianna showed no outward signs of interested in the conversation between Tamlin and Lucien happening outside on the terrace, I knew her well enough to accurately predict that she wasn't happy over what appeared to be a heated discussion. I also failed at pretending I didn't care what they were discussing, avidly watching while trying to read their lips. Lilianna threw a dinner roll at me to get my mind off of whatever they were arguing about and it did the trick. By the time they came back inside, I was in tears from laughing so hard at the sight of her with mashed potatoes clumped in hair and smeared across her face. I looked no better with brown gravy dripping down my cheeks to splatter on my dress.

Lucien dragged a finger along her cheek, and licked away the potatoes from his finger. She nudged her head toward the door, he winked at her, and the two of them rushed off to some new adventure as they'd done every day since Tamlin found me. My heart ached as I watched them head out the door to enjoy the night together. They didn't need words to convey what they were feeling or what they wanted, and the jealousy I felt toward them tasted bitter on my tongue.

Tamlin always seemed to have more to say than the polite conversation that came out of his mouth. After what happened with Feyre, I completely understood his hesitancy to open himself up to someone new, yet it still bothered me that he showed no sign of thinking of me as anything other than some girl he saved from freezing to death. From what Tamlin and Lucien explained to me, true mates would claw anyone to shreds if they tried to keep them apart, and to my marrow I felt that way about him and I would accept no less from him.

"You're quiet tonight," he said and with a wave of his hand the mess on the table and floor vanished. "And you're a mess." As my eyes widened, a smile twitched at his lips. "I know you prefer your own home to the manor, but if you'd like I could run a hot bath for you. You could soak while I go to your home to get you a dress to wear."

I touched my fingers to the gooey gravy drying on my face and sighed. "Don't you ever get tired of being the High Lord of Spring all the time?" I waved a hand around at the empty manor. "Look around you, Tamlin. There's no one to rule over. You're free to do whatever you want and yet you sit there so stiff and straight as if you think someone will judge you if take a moment to catch your breath."

"Just because you don't see them doesn't mean the Fae of Prythian aren't judging me, Brie." He hitched a thumb over his shoulder at the glass doors leading to the terrace and rose garden. "The first signs of Spring should've already began in my Court, and every day that the rose bushes don't bloom with an abundance of fragrant flowers begs the question of whether or not I performed the ritual. I've already received letters from the other Courts asking why there are no leaves on the trees in my Court."

"You did perform the ritual, right?"

"Of course I did, but what they fail to realize is that this is the first time we've ever dealt with something like this, and it'll take time for nature to bounce back."

"Well, if that's the case my point still stands." I stood and walked to his chair, gathering his hand in mine to help him up. "From this moment onward I don't want to hear you putting yourself down or worrying about what other Fae think of you."

"It's hard to take you seriously with gravy all over your face and string beans in your hair." He pulled a soggy green bean out of my hair, held it up to my face, and then it vanished. "Is this something you and your sister do often? If so I'll need to find something to cover the furniture and floor."

"I think I'm going to call it a night," I said in response to his attempt to change the subject, unlacing my fingers from his as a heavy weight settled into my chest. I couldn't make him forgive himself any more than I could force him to love me.

"I'll walk you home," he offered as I knew he would, but this time I shook my head.

"You live in the past while I'm firmly planted in the present, and you're not even trying to meet me halfway. It's a shame, really." My fingers grazed along his stubbled jaw, and a sigh breezed past my lips. "What happened to you and what you've done doesn't have to define your future. You don't see that though, and it –"

A loud knock on the front door startled me. I flinched and my words trailing off abruptly. Tamlin's green eyes narrowed on the door as whoever was on the other side knocked more impatiently on the wood, rattling the glass panels flanking the door on either side.

"Go upstairs and don't come down until I call you," he whispered, briefly meeting my gaze before another knock sounded. Curved claws slid out from above his knuckles. "Go, Brie."

Knees going weak, I looked from the door to him. "Tam?"

"Go," he softly ordered, fangs piercing his gums.

I nodded and raced passed him to run up the stairs, and hid within the shadows on the landing on the second floor to eavesdrop. Tamlin went to answer the door, and as it swung open he transformed into a golden haired beast, blocking my view of whoever stood outside the entranceway.

"What do you want?" he growled, hackles raised.

"It is our understanding that a human girl and her sister our hiding out on your lands, High Lord," an unfamiliar male said, and I heard the tremor of fear in his voice. "The girl – Brie Hartwell is a fugitive from the law, and we've been tasked to bring her back across the border to stand trial for the murder of her uncle Seth Hartwell."

My heart skipped a beat then began racing, pounding painfully hard in my chest. I pushed back further into the shadows, bumping up against a wall. I couldn't see Tamlin's imposing form any longer, only heard his deadly calm voice as he said, "This is not human lands and you definitely do not have any authority to enter my Court much less make demands of me."

"That's why we are here," came another, huskier male voice, and Tamlin growled at them. "It is our understanding that one of the human queens has requested our help in this matter."

"Has she?" Tamlin said. "Every Court represented save for one. Where is Rhysand, Eris?"

"He chose to ignore the human queen's request," the man named Eris responded. "He has a tender spot for human women," he added in disgust. "He said he would not interfere, but he wanted no part in returning the human for a trial."

"Hand her over, Tamlin," yet another male said, his voice like a warm breeze caressing my skin. "If she's found to be innocent, she'll be set free to live as she pleases on the human side of the border."

"No," Tamlin said, and I crept forward to the edge of the landing to see him standing defiantly against the High Fae who'd come to take me away from him. "You will have to raze my home to the ground and kill me before you take an innocent girl to stand trial for murder."

"As you wish," Eris said, and the wood framing the door ignited, golden flames quickly climbing the walls. Tamlin leapt back several steps as the flames spread outward to devoured anything in their path.

Memories of my father and mother burning to death flooded my mind, and I bolted to my feet to rush down the stairs. Sidestepping Tamlin, I placed myself in front of him, facing the fire as I'd faced it that night. "If you want me to go with you, put out the fire!" I shouted, memorizing their cruel and beautiful faces as Tamlin roared in rage.

"No one is taking you anywhere! You're staying with me!"

Flames licked at the ceiling, burning through the wood at an alarming rate in response to his refusal to let me go. Grabbing hold of my hand, Tamlin transformed and took off running toward the glass doors leading to the terrace, leaving me no choice but to follow, and we stopped short at the sight of a wall of flames and thick black smoke blocking the way. Concentrating on the flames, he held up a hand and slowly closed it into a tight fist. The fire hissed and sputtered, but continued to burn the dried wood and furniture and danced across the ceiling. His attempt to extinguish the fire failing, he spun on his heel, and dragged me toward the kitchen, only to find another wall of fire.

"It doesn't have to end this way, Tamlin," Eris called out in an overly pleasant tone. "Send the girl out alone, and you will live to cower behind another pitiful human some other day."

"Let me go, Tamlin," I pleaded around the burning rawness of my throat, trying to yank my hand free from his grasp, but his grip tightened. "I won't let you die because of me."

"We'll go upstairs and jump out one of the windows," he said even though we both knew the fire would follow us. "And then I'll kill them all for daring to try to harm you."

"No," I yanked hard against his tight grip on my hand, "Please let me go, Tam. I promise I'll return to you once the trial is over."

"What if they find you guilty?" he rasped, eyes red and watery from the smoke that had taken my father and stepmother's lives before the flames melted the flesh from their bones. "I won't risk losing you."

"Don't make me die in a fire." The beams above us groaned and cracked to punctuate my fear of dying the way my family had. "Trust me to find my way back to you when this is over."

"You're running out of time," Eris called out again, laughing as part of the ceiling gave way, crashing to the ground mere feet from where we stood.

His eyes trailed downward to the web of scars on my arm, and slowly, so very slowly, he loosened his grip from around my hand, prying one finger away at a time until his arm fell limply to his side. "Go, before I change my mind."

His roars of rage and pain followed me as I carefully maneuvered around the burning table and chairs. Eyes stinging and blurry from the thick smoke and heartbreak, I nearly fell over burning debris, but strong arms roughly caught hold of me, and pushed me toward the door. The flames surrounding the doorway dwindled to charred embers, clearing the path for us to walk through, but soon as we stepped outside the embers sparked to life again.

A rough and ragged scream tore from my mouth, and I swung around to run inside to Tamlin. Those same arms caught hold of me again, and whipped me around so I faced him. My eyes widened taking in the High Fae who resembled Lucien – no, he didn't resemble Lucien. Yes, they may have had similar features, but there was a warmth and kindness to Lucien while there wasn't a flicker of either of those two things in Eris' ember eyes or grim expression.

"So much trouble for such an insignificant human." His fingers bit into my skin as he looked me over, and from the curl of his thin lips he must have found me to be sorely lacking. "Why is a human queen so interested in seeing you brought to justice, girl?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Smiling sweetly, I stomped down hard on the bridge of his foot. He howled, releasing me and I took off running toward the side of the house where the door leading into the kitchen was located.

"I wouldn't try that if I were you," Eris called out, "not if you want Tamlin to escape." I stopped and spun to glare at him. "We have placed a shield around the manor. He is trapped as he once trapped the High Lady of the Night Court." He tapped at his narrow chin and smiled. "I do suppose that would be poetic justice, and as he did take my brother in it is fitting for him to die in the home he housed a traitor in."

"Free Tamlin and I will go with you."

"We don't have time for your games, Eris," another High Fae said, moving past Eris to stand before me. "Hold out your hands, girl." Looking up at the flames towering over the collapsed roof, I did as he asked and felt the heavy weight of iron shackles click tight around my wrists. "Free him from the flames," he commanded, and Eris snarled. "Now, Eris. Unless you wish to deal with every High Lord throughout Prythian."

"I'll take my chances," Eris said, winking at me before he winnowed away.

"Save him," I begged the silver eyed High Fae. Knees buckling, I crumpled to the ground. "Please . . . please, y-you have to save him."

The slender, silver haired High Fae look to the raging fire and sighed. "I am truly sorry for your loss, girl…and for what happened here tonight. It wasn't supposed to end this way."

"You're not sorry," I hissed, tears slipping unchecked down my cheeks as I looked once more to the gutted manor acrid black smoke billowing toward the sky. They'd murdered him like the men murdered my father and stepmother – my mate and my parents murdered in the exact same way. My heart split open and rage spilled out. Rage for my family and rage for the man I'd never have a chance to love because they took him from me. I looked up at him and then each of the other High Lords from every Court but the Night Court, "But you will be."

"You should never make threats you are unable to carry out," he said, and gently lifting me into his arms he winnowed us to the Wall where guards were waiting to take me to prison to await my trial.

**I hope those of you who are still reading are enjoying the story. I know to most people Tamlin was the villain of the story and that makes it extremely difficult to write a story where he isn't considered the bad guy. As he never had a chance to share his side of the story it leaves many unanswered questions as to what motivated him to do the things he did. And of course any story written from his POV will be slanted toward his thoughts and feelings towards things that have occurred. In this story he may say things that are only true in his eyes, and Lucien will also do the same, and at times others will disagree with them and provide their insight. Everyone views things differently due to our own personal experiences, and I personally never stopped feeling bad for Tamlin and Lucien. And in the end Tamlin saved Rhysand's life when he really didn't have to, he could've let him die, but he didn't. He saved the mate of the woman he'd love which must've broke him to do, and Feyre never even thanked him. I guess that's why I felt the desire to write this story playing in Sara Maas' playground. Again, thanks for reading and please review to give me your thoughts on the story:)**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

_Tamlin_

I couldn't get out. I'd tried to winnow away with Brie when we ran into the first wall of fire, but nothing happened. Nothing. Then I tried to put out the fire only to have it burn hotter and faster. If Lucien hadn't run off with Lilianna, he could've manipulated the fire. He could've saved us, and yet I was relieved they weren't in the manor when Eris set it on fire. Lilianna was safe and so was he.

Acrid smoked filled my lungs with each shallow breath I took, and not long after Brie gave herself up to them, I dropped to the ground where the air was fresher. Not by much, but I prayed to the Cauldron it would be enough to keep me alive until I found a way out of the manor. I crawled along the ground, wincing as hot embers burned my arms and several times I swatted at my hair to save it from catching fire. Every crack and shudder of the manor as it died had me glancing toward what remained of the ceiling. A beam crashed to the ground to the left of me, and as I jerked my head to the side to see where it landed, something heavy fell on top of me, flattening my body to the ground. Bones snapped and my breath burst out of me in a rush, and I as I tried to draw in a staggered breath I started coughing and gasping, my lungs refusing to expand to take in the heated poisonous air.

I could feel myself dying. My mind started to drift and my eyelids grew heavier than whatever pinned me to the floor. I couldn't save myself any more than I could save Feyre or Brie.

"You're not going to die, Tamlin," came a vaguely familiar voice from somewhere above me, but I couldn't figure out where I'd heard it before. "You saved my life and now I am returning the favor."

"Rhys?" I whispered, and it struck me then that I'd died as he would never willingly save me.

"It had crossed my mind to let you burn to death, but then who would I torment," he chuckled, and suddenly the heavy weight lifted off my back. "If you ever mention this moment of insanity on my part, I will crush you mind," he added as he carefully turned me over and gathered me into his arms. "Are we clear on that?" I muttered a curse, and he laughed. "It's no wonder you don't get invited to any parties when you can't even be gracious when someone saves your life."

He winnowed us to the rise above the cave, set me down under one of the trees, and quietly began to heal my injuries. I bit down hard on my lower lip to keep from crying out as the broken bones in my back and ribcage realigned and snapped back into place. Next he drew out the poisonous black soot from my lungs, and I coughed and coughed until my lungs finally filled with fresh air. And finally he worked to heal the burns littering my body leaving behind no trace of scars.

"Why'd you do it?" I said as he stood and brushed away soot from his black jacket.

"I already told you why. I was paying a debt."

"No, I wasn't talking about saving me from the fire. I want to know why you sent men to take Brie across the border to stand trial for murder?"

"I didn't." He causally tucked his hand into his pocket, and I almost laughed. "Your brain has been deprived of oxygen and you're not thinking clearly."

"You're the only who knew she was staying with me."

"There were plenty of High Fae and lesser faeries that saw her at Calanmai," he countered smoothly.

"You're the only one with strong enough ties with the human queens to persuade them into bringing an innocent girl to trial for murder." He opened his mouth to dispute what we both knew to be true, but I cut him off, "And she looks very similar to her mother, wouldn't you agree? You would know more than I since she was your cousin."

"She's dangerous, Tamlin," he said, dropping any pretense that it wasn't him who had her turned over to the human authorities. "She already used her power to put one of my sentries into nightmarish sleep he will likely never wake from."

"And that is my problem, why?" I waved a hand around at my empty lands, and smirked. "She likes me, and even if she didn't there's no one I need to protect. As you once gloated, Feyre made sure of that."

"No one wants to see another Dream Weaver rise to power, Tam. You can't have forgotten how Prythian rejoiced when they thought she died. There isn't a Fae alive who doesn't have some personal tragedy in their history directly related to Mara."

"If you're so worried about her, why didn't you kill her when you abducted her?" For the briefest of moments his look of cold superiority slipped allowing me to see the scared man beneath it. "Oh, I see. You can't kill her and that's why you've manipulated the humans into doing it for you."

"She murdered her uncle using her power to force him to kill himself in a brutal way, and she'll do it again and again if she's not stopped," he explained, crouching beside me. "She's clever like her mother was. If she feels you're a threat to her life, she won't hesitate to weave into your dreams to either kill you instantly or set a trigger to have you kill yourself later."

"Then I guess I wouldn't sleep if I were you," I warned, pushing to my feet. "You're not fooling me, Rhys. She's done something and now you're terrified." I could've reminded him of how he'd come to gloat and tell me how I deserved everything that had befallen me, but I didn't have it in me to kick him while he was down. "How long do you think it will take for her to figure out that it was you who arranged for her trial?"

"I'm trying to protect our people from a deadly threat and if that means I have to grovel at your feet that's what I'll do."

"Oh, that's just too good to pass up." I looked from him to the ground. "You do recall how you made me beg you to keep Feyre a secret from Amarantha, right?"

Anger flashed in his violet eyes "Are you serious? You really want me to get on my knees and beg you to save our people from her?"

"As I clearly recall, I was lower than on my knees and so was Lucien. Our foreheads were pressed to the floor." Glaring at me, he started to lower himself to his knees, but I caught hold of his arm to stop him. "I almost let you do it – almost. But then I realized it wouldn't make me feel better about myself to make you feel small."

"Then what do you want?"

"Nothing." I shrugged. "Or at least nothing you can give me. There is nothing good to be said about people who rejoice in other people's misery, and that's what you and Feyre did to me and still do to this day. I don't wish ill upon you or her but the same cannot be said for either of you. And it's sad to think that you have everything your heart desires, but you still can't find happiness unless you're tormenting me."

"You murdered my mother and sister," he growled, the muscle in his cheek twitching, and I realized in that moment that Lucien was right.

"I didn't kill them – I tried to save them," I stated as calmly as I could under the circumstances. "You know that's true, but you needed someone to blame and over the years the lies you told yourself became the truth."

"Liar! You killed them!"

"I protect people – it's my greatest strength and my greatest weakness." I boldly met his gaze. "Is that a lie, Rhys? No, it's not. To my own detriment, I protect people. For better or worse, it's who I am, and when my father's spy told him where your mother and sister would be, I tried to stop them from doing what they did. They beat me unconscious, tied me up and gagged me, and forced me to watch as they killed your mother and sister."

"I don't believe you. You were there, and –"

"And I cried as they killed your mother and sister as I knew how much you cherished them," I cut in, tired of all the lies between us. "You didn't want me to explain, and I felt I deserved your hatred for not saving them. So here we stand, two men who could've been the best of friends, but instead became mortal enemies because of lies we told ourselves."

"We'll never be friends," he snarled, hatred burning him up inside. "After what you did to Feyre –"

"I never said we would," I interjected, shaking my head. "I know the wrongs I've committed and accept the life Feyre left behind in her wake, but at least my conscious is clear where your mother and sister are concerned."

"You're still in love with her," he said, and I laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement.

"You're joking, right?" He glared at me in response, and I laughed again. "Feyre is like a dagger in the gut – no one loves a dagger in the gut. I can't help the nightmares Amarantha burned into my mind that I still struggle with to this day. That being said, I don't like her much less love her. Vindictiveness isn't really a turn on for me, but you seem to thrive on it which makes her perfect for you."

He bared his teeth. "Do you realize how it easy it would be for me to crush your mind with a single thought?"

"Yes, we've discussed this before, and you prefer to watch me live in misery." I rolled my eyes at the tiresome threat then glanced over my shoulder at the hazy golden-orange halo where my home used to be. I looked back to him. "But I'm beginning to realize that a new day as dawned, and there is a rival for your title of most powerful High Lord throughout history, and while I am only one man – one loss for the Dream Weaver, you have many friends – you wouldn't have saved me if you didn't fear for their lives."

"You put a lot of faith in a woman who just learned of her power."

"You told me yourself that one of your sentries might never wake from her nightmares. That would mean she reached across Prythian with her mind and snapped his – I'd say she's got a pretty good handle on her gift."

"You plan to use her as a weapon against your enemies," he growled, wings unfurling to tower above his head.

"No, that was your plan. She has no idea that I know who and what she is, and if she never tells me I'm perfectly fine with it. Her father taught her to be good and kind while her uncle taught her to protect the people she cares about most . . . and she taught me that you and Feyre can only hurt me if I allow it – I'm not allowing it anymore." I lifted my hands to show my fingers minus the claws. I felt no anger, no bitterness, and no tightness in my chest over past mistakes I couldn't change. "Go home to your mate, Rhys. I wish you nothing but happiness as I once wished for her."

"I'll never forgive you – not ever," he uttered, stubbornly refusing to accept that I had no interested in engaging in a feud that he'd kept alive since his mother and sister died.

"Well, that's your problem, not mine."

I turned my back on him to head home, but he caught hold of my arm and swung me around. "She put a trigger in Feyre's mind – you have to help me break the Dream Weaver's hold on her."

And there it was. The real reason he saved me from the fire he'd caused by sending Eris to take Brie. "And how do you suppose I do that?"

"Let the human trial take place and testify that she told you she killed him. If she is hung for murdering her uncle, Feyre will be free of the trigger." His wings vanished leaving behind a trail of wispy black smoke in their wake. "She's pregnant, Tamlin. Feyre is pregnant with my child, and I will do anything to keep them safe and alive."

"Congratulations," I said and meant it. "I promise I'll do whatever I can to ensure their safety." I didn't add that I'd do the same for Brie as well. His mind was made up that she was an evil he needed to be rid of and nothing I could say would make him think otherwise. "I have to go find Lucien and see if there is anything to be salvaged from my home."

"I didn't mean for that to happen," he said as a way of apologizing without actually having to say the words. Not that he meant it. Not that he cared that he'd taken my family home from me along with everything else.

"Yes, you did. Why else would you have sent Eris?" I waved off any attempt at an excuse for his part in the burning of my home. "I hope for your sake there never comes a day when you reap what you've sown, and more so I hope there's no one who'll continually kick you when you're down."

I winnowed away before he could respond and returned to the burning husk of my home. There wouldn't be anything to salvage once the unnatural fire burned itself to ashes. I circled the fire and took a seat on a bench in the rose garden to wait for Lucien and Lilianna to return. Lost in thoughts of how to save Brie, I sat for hours memorized by the dwindling flames. If Brie had set a trigger in Feyre's mind she must've felt threatened by her encounter with Rhysand and did it for her own protection. Rhysand wouldn't see it that way, and would do everything within his power to see her dead.

"What the hell happened?" came Lucien's voice from off to the side of me, and he reached the bench in a blur of speed. "Where's Brie?"

"Where's my sister?" Lilianna cried out, trailing behind Lucien. "Where is she, Tamlin?"

"Your brother paid a visit along with High Lords from every Court except the Night Court who orchestrated the whole thing," I said, looking from Lilianna to Lucien. "They took Brie to hand her over to the humans to stand trial for the murder of their uncle."

"Well, why are you just sitting here? We have to rescue her," Lucien said, grasping hold of Lilianna's hand as she came to stand beside him. "You're not going to let them hang her for killing that bastard, are you?"

"No, I was just waiting for you to return so the three of us could cross the border together."

His gold eye whizzed as his russet eye widened. "You want Lili to go with us?" he said incredulously.

"I'm going with you," Lilianna stated calmly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "She's my sister, Lucien. I won't stay behind and wait for someone else to save her."

"We'll need weapons." Lucien looked to the smoldering embers and flames licking at the charred timber, waved a hand and the last of the fire died away. "We'll need to find some weapons."

"No, we won't," I said as I pushed up off the bench. "We're going to free her using the humans' laws to prove her innocence."

"What if Rhys paid off the men to find her guilty?" he said, shaking his head. "It's too risky, Tam. It's better if we go and break her out of wherever they're holding her prisoner."

"If we did that they would continue to hunt her and the High Fae of Prythian would aide them. This is the only way to make certain she never has to go through this again."

"Tamlin's right, Lucien," Lilianna said, nodding in my direction. "They have to find her not guilty or she'll never be truly free to live her life."

"I don't like this," Lucien grumbled. "There are too many variables that we can't plan for."

"If you'd rather stay here –"

"No, I'm going with you."

"Then it's settled. We'll go and plead Brie's case for her," I said and Lilianna nodded in agreement.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

_Rhysand_

Lucien had once told Feyre that I would need Tamlin as an ally before the dust settled and that day had finally come with a vengeance. After my first disastrous encounter with the Dream Weaver, I sent Azriel across the border to dig up any information he could regarding her and her sister. I swore him to secrecy before I told him of the trigger the Dream Weaver wove into Feyre's mind, and he promised not to fail me. Three days later he returned with not only their names, but also the story of their uncle who'd cut off his favorite appendage then cut out his eyes before he finally hung himself.

Brie's mother had done similar acts of vicious brutality when she lived in the Court of Nightmares, and I vividly recalled the blood pouring down Reya's throat to bathe her shimmering blue dress in blood. It made my decision to have the humans put her to death for murder easy. Again, I sent Azriel on my behalf to speak to the four human queens in hopes that with our strong alliance one of them would agree to arrange a trial for the murder of Seth Hartwell. Three of them refused, stating the crime took place on the fourth newly crowned queen's territory and it would be up to her to call for a trial. Azriel had many things to say about Queen Clarissa, none of them pleasant, but her cold and calculating demeanor worked in my favor.

When Eris learned that Lucien once again called the Spring Court home, he quickly agreed to join High Fae from every Court to retrieve the human girl for Queen Clarissa. It had occurred to me that Eris might take the opportunity to get revenge on Tamlin for always protecting Lucien, but I pushed the thought aside, and unbeknownst to me the six High Lords worked together to shield the house to keep Tamlin locked inside in order that he didn't tear them to shreds. It was as if they had given me a gift trapping him inside the burning manor much in the same way as he had trapped Feyre inside his home. It felt like some sort of divine justice, and I couldn't bring myself to feel even remotely guilty when I found him trapped beneath the rubble. I only saved him for two reasons. The first, as the only remaining member of his family, he had to survive for Spring to renew itself every year – if not we would all succumb to starvation as we had just learned. And second, he had to be the one to testify against Brie. If anyone else did, she could easily set off the trigger she'd woven into Feyre's mind before she died.

No, it had to be Tamlin. Although he denied his feelings for Feyre, his love for her would push him to save her again, and that was what I was counting on. Feyre would never have to know that her life had been in jeopardy and I would never have to admit to anyone other than Azriel that I needed Tamlin's help. Then there was the added bonus of no one ever knowing he'd saved them from a new Dream Weaver. It would be as if she never existed, and if by chance Lilianna mentioned Brie to any Fae, I could say the Night Court handled the situation. Which to a certain extent would be the truth as it was my plan to hand her over to the humans she feared.

Tamlin's version of what happened to my mother and sister rang true to my ears. I'd befriended him and came to trust him for the reasons he gave when he explained what happened that horrible night. Trust didn't come easy for me, yet I had trusted him. If I hadn't, I never would've told him anything about my mother and sister. I had and it led to their deaths. He should've been stronger, fought harder, but he didn't and that was why I allowed him to live but promised myself I'd never forgive him. No amount of excuses or tears shed would bring them back, and maybe it wasn't right but tormenting him was the only consolation I had for that pain that still haunted me to this day.

If I could no longer blame him for my mother and sister's deaths there was still Feyre. He'd done enough to her to warrant any treatment I bestowed upon him. Nonetheless, it bothered me more than I cared to admit when he said Feyre and I thrived on revenge and being vindictive. We did take great pleasure in kicking him when he was down. Feyre hadn't felt a hint of remorse for taking everything from him and I praised her for her efforts. He hadn't betrayed anyone – not really. While pretending to work for Hybern he gathered vital information on their armies, ammunition, caches of faebane, stolen information that could've gotten him killed if he'd been discovered. I'd done nearly the same thing while playing Amarantha's whore for nearly fifty years, and sometimes I wondered if I would do the same in his position. The more I sat and thought about it the more I realized that if I had found Feyre first, fell in love with her, and he took her from me in the same manner, I would've razed Prythian to the ground in my rage. It left hollowness in my chest, and a sick feeling in my stomach.

We were the darkness that destroyed the beautiful light of Spring. Night would always conquer the light in the end, but at some point the sun would rise again, and there would come a day when Tamlin rose above all we'd done to keep him down. I needed to prepare Feyre for when that day arrived. Her happiness and mine as well had become so tied up in his misery it became like the air we breathed.

"How long does it take to read one letter?" Azriel said as he hovered behind me, and I looked down at the letter from Queen Clarissa that had caused my mind to wander to Tamlin and our conversation on the rise.

"He'll never agree to marry her, Az," I said, tossing the letter on a stack of unopened letters, "I understand her desire to expand her territory to encompass his lands as well, but Tamlin has had his fill of human females."

"You made a promise to her, Rhys," he reminded, and moving to sit in the chair in front of my desk, his hazel eyes trailed on the scars on his arm. "We have similar scars – the Dream Weaver and I. I saw them when they dragged her into the jail where they're keeping her."

"What's your point?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the cobalt stone in his gauntlet instead of the burn scars littering his arm.

"No point just an observation." Shadows tightened around him. "Did you happen to mention to him that you accepted the Queen's marriage proposal on his behalf?"

"Arranging this marriage is a kindness he doesn't deserve, but it serves our purposes," I said, glancing at the letter again. "How bad is she?"

"Compared to her the Suriel would be considered a real catch," he chuckled. "And I guess I would say her personality and temperament is an acquired taste."

"That bad, huh?" He nodded, and I winced at his description of the mortal queen. "It's not as if he has females lining up to win his heart. We're doing him a kindness."

"You already said that." His long black hair fell into his eyes as he laughed again. "How do you plan to convince him that this marriage is a huge victory for him?"

"It will increase his lands into the human realm." I peered up at the map on the wall flanked by bookshelves, and studied the human lands beyond the border. Her lands would be a sizable increase to his own lands, and hopefully that would be enough to sway him into marrying her. "And since his home burned down, he can make her castle his new residence. It'll be a fresh start for him."

"Perhaps you should have Lucien break the good news to him." Mirth lit up his hazel eyes. Not something I often saw from the Shadowsinger. "It'll sound better coming from him."

"What other choice did I have? The other mortal queens refused to even consider my request, and her offer came with this one stipulation. And it's not as if she wants to marry him anymore than he'll want to marry her. It's nothing more than a strategic move for power on her part."

"Maybe if you remind him that he can have plenty of mistresses on the side, it'll help soften him to the idea."

"For all we know they could have a lot in common, and if they don't he could divorce her." From his description of Queen Clarissa I highly doubted that would be the case, but stranger things had happened. "At the very least he'll have to pretend to go along with the arrangement until after the trial is over and the Dream Weaver is dead."

"I'm not the one you need to convince," he reminded me as he glanced at the map. "If he does agree, he'll have a foothold in the human realm and that could be dangerous for the humans."

"You think that's Clarissa's plan?"

"I wouldn't put it past her to use Tamlin to take control of the other queens' territory."

"I agree." I let loose a heavy breath. "Then I'll have Lucien convince Tamlin to go along with the marriage arrangement and then leave her at the altar."

"Has Feyre told you she's pregnant yet?" he asked to change the subject, leaving me with little doubt that he didn't trust Tamlin to do the right thing for Feyre's sake along with every Fae in Prythian.

"No, and I'm beginning to wonder if maybe she doesn't realize she is," I said, scratching at my jaw. "I've noticed the changes in her body and the bouts of sickness at various points in the day, but I've hesitated to bring it up to her."

"She has been very sensitive lately," he said and I nodded in agreement.

"Last night I touched her breast and she kicked me out of bed. Why, you may ask – I don't know why, but she told me I did know why and I ended up sleeping in here." I pointed at the blankets and pillows on the leather couch. "I figure it's some female pregnancy thing I'll never understand so I brought her flowers and apologized for being a prick."

His head fell back on his shoulders framed by his massive wings, and he laughed until tears filled his eyes. "Oh, this is gonna be the best nine months of my life."

"You say that now, but wait until you do or say something that would normally be fine and she bites your head off and bans you from the townhouse until hell freezes over."

"That bad, huh?"

"Ask Cas if you don't believe me. He stopped by for dinner last night and now he is no longer allowed to chew in her presence."

"I should thank her for that, but I'll do it after she has the baby as I plan to make myself scarce until it's over with."

"Coward."

"Maybe I am, but at least I'm a smart coward."

_Are you talking about me?_ Feyre said down the mental bond we shared. _If you are, you can spend another night on the couch._

_I was just telling Az how much I miss you, Ferye darling._ It was going to be a very long nine months. My father once shared with me that my mother was a living terror when she was pregnant with me, and that was how he knew I was going to be very powerful someday. He joked that there were several times he feared he wouldn't survive her pregnancy – or at least I thought it was a joke until I learned of Feyre's pregnancy. But it least now I knew why she snapped at the littlest things. Until Brie gave me the news I feared she had grown tired of me and was beginning to wonder if she felt she'd made a mistake in becoming not only my mate but the High Lady of the Night Court. _I'll come see you as soon as I finish my meeting with Az._

_Don't bother. I needed you earlier, but you were nowhere to be found._

_You could've called out to me through our shared bond anytime you felt like it, my love. You know I'm always willing to drop everything for you._

_Is that sarcasm I detect in your tone?_

She slammed down a mental shield before I could respond, an unspoken sentence of sleeping on the couch again. Scrubbing a hand down my face, I shook my head and sighed. "Kill me now, Az." I bobbed my head at the couch. "Kill me before that lumpy couch does."

"It's only nine months." He smirked, eyeing the couch for a moment. "You could always sleep in one of the guestrooms until it's over. Or if you're real lucky she'll kick you out of the townhouse."

"I wouldn't be joking if I were you – if my mate isn't happy than I'm not happy, and misery loves company, Az."

"When do you plan to break the good news to her?"

"I figured I'd find a time when there are no sharp objects present or heavy things that could be thrown in my direction," I said, slumping in my chair. "We have to make certain the Dream Weaver is no longer a threat to her. If anything happens to my mate –"

"It won't," he cut in before I started to spiral down a path of 'what ifs'. "But you might have to be willing to make some sort of truce with Tamlin if you want him to do as you ask. Accepting a marriage proposal to a troll on his behalf isn't going to win you favors from him."

"I'll throw the biggest party in the history of Prythian in his honor if that's what it takes to get him to testify against her. Clarissa has already promised that if she's found guilty her execution will be carried out immediately."

"When does the queen want to meet her betrothed?"

Even though I already knew the answer, I glanced down at the open letter. "She won't set a court date until she meets with him and he accepts her proposal in person."

"Then you're going to need Lucien's help to convince Tamlin that this merger between him and Clarissa is going to turn things around for him," he said as he got to his feet and his wings flared slightly then tucked tight behind his back. "It wouldn't hurt to speak to some of the High Fae and lesser faeries that used to call the Spring Court their home. Offer them a tidy sum to move back there. He doesn't have to know you paid them off, and it'll give him a feeling of self worth again. Not to mention that he'll feel it's his duty to protect them and what better way to do that than to marry a wealthy human queen. Her money could pay for sentries and an army of his own – that we handpick and make certain are loyal to us over him, and he can keep his own money to plant flowers or whatever it is they do in the Spring Court."

"That could work but I hate to undermine everything Feyre did to destroy his Court even if it is only temporary."

"If the Dream Weaver mentioned us all by name, I don't see what other choice you have," he pointed out and since she'd already broken through Feyre's shield when she slept to plant a trigger, I didn't have many good options.

"All right." I nodded after a slight hesitation. "While I go speak to Lucien, you round up some of his old tenants to make them an offer and make sure to tell them it is only temporary. Also let them know they will receive a bonus when they are finished with this task and have returned to their new homes."

His lips dipped into a frown. "You've going to give him a little hope only to crush him again?"

I lifted a brow. "You don't approve?"

"I would hate to be the enemy of a man without mercy," he said, boldly meeting my gaze. "Do I have your permission to speak freely?"

I nodded, and said, "When haven't you been able to speak your mind, Az?"

"You told me what he confessed about your mother and sister, and from what I know of you and of him, I believe he's telling the truth. If I'm right, which I believe I am, you have been continually tormenting a man who tried to save your mother and sister." He drew in a deep breath and slowly released it. "It begs the question of whether you would treat me or Cas the same way for something we could not prevent from happening." I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up a hand to stop me. "You were close to Tamlin – it wasn't a huge secret that you enjoyed his company when you were training him to fight . . .you trusted him with your life and the lives of your mother and sister – just as you trust me and Cas. He failed to save them, and you have no idea how much I wish he had been the High Lord at that point and could've ripped them to shreds, but he didn't betray you, Rhys. It's time to let it go and make peace with their deaths."

"Even if I did believe his version of how they died and I forgave him for that – not that I will, but if I did, I'd still never forgive him for what he did to Feyre."

"What did he do to her that she didn't revisit upon him a hundredfold?" he said testing his luck, and undoubtedly realizing he'd overstepped the leeway I gave him the cobalt stones in his siphons began to glow. "The two of you have won, Rhys. Show mercy. If you can't do that then you're not the man I thought you were."

"I thought you were loyal to me. I thought –"

"I am loyal to you, but being loyal doesn't mean I'm blind to the cruelty you and Feyre inflict upon him for the pure pleasure of it." Pressing his lips together, he shook his head. "If that is how you treat someone who has lost everything and is alone and miserable how does that make you any better than Hybern or Amarantha?"

"Get out of my sight," I growled, anger tightening in my chest until the floor beneath us began to tremble from my power.

"Someone needed to tell you that what you're doing is wrong, Rhys. You don't have to like him. You can hate him for all I care, but let him live in peace. For your sake as much as his."

"Get out!" I said, and it struck me then as I said the same words as Tamlin said to me when I went to see him before Solstice and I taunted him with everything he'd lost because of us, I'd done it for the pure pleasure of watching him suffer and not because of the security of the border. It wasn't as if I didn't know he didn't have anyone to guard the crumbled border. Every single one of his sentries and armies had fled. Feyre knew it every bit as much as I did as it was her handiwork, but I couldn't stop myself, and I recalled the hollowness I felt when I realized he had no shields up to protect himself. He wanted to die, and we were the cause. No Fae, High Lord or otherwise, should make someone else feel so worthless they wanted to die, and what was what we took joy in doing to Tamlin.

"You're right," I uttered, drawing in a shaky breath, and he gave me a look of genuine surprise. "We made him into a monster so we wouldn't have to see we were monsters ourselves. There is a darkness within me and Feyre that takes pleasure in the cruelty we inflict on him . . . I don't want my child to have a father who is cruel to those in need of compassion. Otherwise all I've worked so hard to achieve will crumble when my son or daughter starts to believe it's okay to treat people the way we have."

"Then pay off his people to return home and give them a bonus for staying there," he said, a smile tugging at his lips. "Hell, give him an army of his own that's loyal to him and only him. You wanted a better world for all of Prythian, this is how it starts."

"I'm going to go broke paying Fae to be loyal to someone other than myself," I grumbled, feeling the anger loosened from my chest.

"And your daughter or son will thank you for it someday."


	21. Chapter 21

**thanks for continuing to read my story as I play in Sara Maas' world. I own nothing but my own characters, and hopefully I am doing an okay job with her wonderful characters. This chapter is a little longer and that is why it took longer than a day to write. It's crazy to think I've written almost 70k words in two weeks, but I've really enjoyed it and I hope others are enjoying it as well...thanks again :)**

Chapter Twenty One

_Lucien_

Lilianna hadn't spoken more than a few words to me since the manor burned to the ground. During one of those brief exchanges she claimed I was a distraction she couldn't afford to have in her short life, and that I purposely kept her from doing what she'd been sent back to do. I couldn't argue with the latter accusation as it was completely true, but it hurt more than I cared to admit to hear her dismiss me as a waste of her precious time when all I wanted to do was give her reasons to defy her Higher Beings and fight to live.

I'd promised to take her to see Feyre the night of the fire. Instead I took her to my favorite place as a child. We sat for hours listening to the eerily beautiful songs of the Whispering Woods in the Autumn Court, and I told her about my family and how I'd escaped to the Spring Court where Tamlin took me in. She listened intently as I explained how my brothers planned to kill me in order to have one less brother vying for the role of High Lord of the Autumn Court once my father died, and how I'd reciprocated Tamlin's kindness and friendship with betrayal.

I shared with her how I'd fallen in love Jesminda only to have her executed in front of my eyes by my father and brothers, and from that day until I found my mate I hadn't been in a serious relationship. Then I went on to talk about Elain and my fears that she would never accept me as her mate and how strange it was to be irrevocably bound to someone who couldn't stand to be in the same room as me for more than a few minutes. Finally I shared my desire to build a life with Elain and to have children of my own someday with her, and as it was only a dream we'd live in the Spring Court and Elain would become a good friend to Tamlin.

I'd opened up about myself to her in a way I'd never done with anyone before, and she repaid the vulnerability I felt sharing my deepest fears and desires with her by ignoring me every time I tried to get her attention. Brie had said she had a huge crush on me, and at times I thought she might be flirting with me only to have it turn out to be some valuable insight she wanted to impart to me before she died. We'd stood naked near the Starlight Pond and she never looked below my face while I was rock hard from the sight of her delectable curves as I raced toward her.

We weren't friends as I had thought. To her I was just another checkmark on the list of things she needed to accomplish before she died. I cursed her Higher Beings many times over the course of the next few days as she and Tamlin would leave me to stand guard over our rented lodgings while they went and made inquires about Brie and where the trial would take place. I thought the three of us would be searching for leads together or Tamlin would go on his own to ask around for information on Brie while Lilianna and I would stick together to grill the humans to find out where they'd taken her. But for whatever reason Lilianna suggested that one of us needed to stay behind in case someone remembered some details about Brie and the trial and came by to relay them to us. No one came by and I ended up sitting around doing nothing for three days straight.

With his thoughts focused solely on Brie, Tamlin failed to take any notice of how Lilianna suddenly found something important to do whenever I joined any conversation between the two of them. The more she ignored me, the more I craved her attention, and I couldn't figure out what I'd done so wrong to make her not want to spend time with me anymore. Yes, I'd made a promise to take her to see Feyre which I failed to keep, but it wasn't me who set fire to the manor to force her to revise her plans due to Brie's incarceration.

It took five days of winnowing from village to village to find out that Brie had been taken to the queen's dungeon to await her trial and as of yet a date hadn't been set. Once again I was left behind to make arrangements for an extended stay at an inn on the outskirts of the queen's lands while the two of them went to inquiry about seeing Brie. My hands balled into tight fists as they winnowed away, and it crossed my mind to leave them and return to the Velaris to try to win Elain's heart. I wasn't Rhysand's property to be traded off on a whim to serve Lilianna and her sister.

"I would disagree," Rhysand said behind me, humor clearly evident in his tone, and had the nerve to laugh when I jumped startled. I turned to face him, and he laughed again at whatever misery he saw clearly etched into my face. "You're a hard man to find, Lucien."

"You were listening to my thoughts?" I said instead of asking why he'd been looking for me.

"You appeared so forlorn when I happened upon you, I took a peek." His eyes strayed to the chipped paint on blue door of the inn then focused on me. "I have a job for you to do. If you succeed, I won't feel the need to share your thoughts about the human girl with your mate."

"If you were poking around in my thoughts, you'd know I was considering going to Velaris to try to win Elain's heart."

"That was a mere afterthought, but the feelings beneath them are too strong for you to fight," he rightly guessed. "The Cauldron deemed her to be your mate, and whether it makes you miserable or not, you can't deny what you feel for her. You should put an end to it now before you break the human's heart."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, wondering how deep he looked into my mind. "The girl is only interested in one thing and it's not me."

"And it's frustrating you that she only thinks of you as a means to end – that single-mindedness from her saddens you, Lucien. I can feel it emanating from you without even having to peek into your thoughts."

"What is the job you want me to do?" I said to shift the focus off of myself and the hurt I felt at being cast aside by Lilianna.

"I need you to talk Tamlin into pretending to agree to marry Queen Clarissa," he said, pulling me away from the door as a man and woman exited the inn, and bobbed his head for me to walk with him. "She won't set a trial date for the Dream Weaver until Tamlin meets with her to agree to marry her in person."

"You're wasting your time and mine. He won't agree to that."

"He's already promised he'd help me get rid of _Brie_," he said, stressing her name leaving me with little doubt that he knew Lilianna's name as well. "He knows Feyre's life depends on the outcome of this trial and with how he feels about her he'll agree to whatever is asked of him."

"You're kidding, right?" I laughed, couldn't help it. How they deluded themselves into believing he still loved her was beyond me. "He's not in love with her still – not after all she did to ruin his life. Maybe mates can forgive and forget that kind of constant vengeful treatment, but he's not her mate and his love turned to – well, after a while I imagine it turned to hatred for her."

"And yet he offered to help me in whatever way he could," he said, nodding to a couple we passed as we headed toward the woods. "As I said, he only has to pretend to agree to the marriage, and once the trial is over and Feyre is no longer in danger from the Dream Weaver's wrath, he can leave her at the altar."

My golden eye whizzed as I listened to him, deciphering what he left unsaid. "Are you saying that Brie will remain locked in the queen's dungeon until the trial, and it won't take place until he agrees to marry her?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying." He shrugged. "One way or another, she'll die, but I prefer not to wait until she dies of maltreatment. That could take a while, and she could decide to enact some sort of last revenge on the Fae she feels are responsible."

"And if she thought about it enough to realize you orchestrated her capture, she'd include you and your friends in that last act of revenge – is that what you fear most?"

"What else could I do when she planted a trigger in Feyre's mind that would kill not only her but our unborn child as well?"

"Feyre's pregnant?" He nodded, beaming with pride and it made sense he would want Brie dead if she threatened their lives, but there was something he wasn't telling me. "You must've given her reason to fear for her life." From what I knew of her, Brie would never willingly harm anyone unless her life or her sister's was in danger. "Brie would never harm you or anyone you love unless you threatened her life. Is that what you did?"

"Her mother was pure unadulterated evil," he said instead of answering my question, and a smoky shadow of his wings rose up behind his back. "You knew some of those who died by her hand. Perhaps they were family or maybe friends or possibly a Fae you knew by sight but not by name – but you never pressed your hand over the throat of the woman you loved to try to keep the blood from flowing out of her." His eyes taking on a sad faraway look, he clamped his hand over his throat as if it were her throat. "You never had to see the stark panic fill her beautiful lavender eyes as she suddenly realized what she'd done, and you couldn't save her because there was more blood outside her body than inside." He shook off the memory, yet he couldn't rid himself of the haunted look in his violet eyes. "I asked if her mother was with her and she said Mara had been with her since she accepted her powers and was teaching her how to use them – that was when I made the decision that she was too powerful to live. Even if this girl has a good heart as you say, her mother will take over her body completely at some point. In fact she already did when she entered Feyre's mind while she slept and placed a trigger inside her mind."

"I'll talk to Tamlin," I said, stopping at the edge of the woods. "I'm not sure he'll go along with your plan, but I'll try to convince him that this is the only way to get a speedy trial for the Dream Weaver." Tamlin did want the trial to commence sooner rather than later, and Rhysand unwittingly gave us the ammunition we needed to make certain Brie didn't waste away in a prison cell. "If he gave you his word that he'd help save Feyre from her, I'm sure he'll come to realize accepting the queen's marriage proposal is the way to accomplish your shared goal."

"Just so we're clear on this," he said, narrowing his eyes on me, "you and I aren't friends and we never will be. The only reason you ever pretended to be loyal to me is for your mate's sake. Your true friendship and loyalty has always been with Tamlin."

"You're right." I shrugged a shoulder, trying to figure out why he'd brought that up now. "I had to be with Elain and the only way to do that was to live where she lived. If she had chosen to stay in the Autumn Court I would've fought every day to stay with her. Not to mention that after what Feyre had done to the Spring Court I knew I wouldn't be welcomed."

"Finally, a little honesty from you." He smiled, looking somewhat relieved by my confession. "If they fail to hang the Dream Weaver you will never see your mate again as you will no longer be welcomed in Velaris."

He winnowed away before I could think to utter a word, leaving me to choose between my mate and a woman I hardly knew. It was an impossible decision. If I chose to save an innocent woman I'd never see Elain again, but if I actively helped put an end to Brie's life Lilianna and Tamlin would never forgive me.

_Lili already told me I'm a distraction she doesn't want in her life and it's not as if Tamlin truly wants to rebuild our friendship. He doesn't trust me and likely never will. Why risk losing access to my mate over the two of them when they couldn't care less about me?_

_Because Brie's innocent. _

Not impossible. The answer was simple. Brie was innocent and if I hadn't sent them back to their uncle when they tried to cross the border, she wouldn't be in prison awaiting a murder trial and Lilianna wouldn't have died. I'd turned myself inside out for Elain, holding on for brief interactions that never amounted to anything. I'd only known Lilianna for less than a month, and she already knew me better than anyone including Tamlin. Elain never even inquired about meaningless stuff like my favorite color or favorite food. If I asked Lilianna right now what my favorite color was she would answer it was a tie between the burnish gold and the deep reddish-purple of the leaves in the Fall Court. And she'd also say I preferred roasted pork to any sort of lamb dish and that I didn't care for cooked carrots but loved green beans. In the big scheme of things those were not necessarily important bits of information about me, but they were a part of who I was and Elain didn't care to find out even the smallest details about me.

When Tamlin and Lilianna finally returned from trying to visit Brie neither of them were in a good mood which meant they hadn't been successful. It didn't surprise me in the slightest. If either of them had bothered to ask me for my opinion I would've told them the queen's guards wouldn't allow any visitors especially ones with pointed ears like Tamlin. Not to mention the shields they set in place to keep our kind out or in Brie's case locked inside the prison.

One look at the fury clearly evident in Lilianna's golden brown eyes and I decided to wait until she went to bed for the night to reveal to Tamlin what I'd learned from Rhysand. Her own life meant nothing to her, but one of her main goals before she died again was to see her sister safe and happy and that couldn't happen if Brie was found guilty of murder. I didn't expect her to talk to me over dinner, however when she failed to acknowledge Tamlin's attempts to assure her that he would save Brie it worried me. Would the Higher Beings punish her for failing to save Brie likely assuring there would never be peace between the Night and Spring Courts? Would Brie not join her in the Beyond place if she was found guilty by the laws of men? She never really explained much about the Higher Beings other than to say they were tired of the constant fighting amongst the lesser beings, meaning us which meant anything was possible in their divine wisdom.

She excused herself after hardly touching her dinner and hurried to her bedroom that adjoined ours, giving me the perfect opportunity to speak to Tamlin.

"I spoke to Rhys today," I said, and the fork in his hand curved inward upon itself. "He made some sort of deal with the human queen to ensure the trial proceeds as planned."

"And to ensure a guilty verdict no doubt," he said, throwing the bent fork onto his plate. "Why did he tell you this information?"

"He wants you to pretend to agree to marry the mortal queen as she won't set a trial date until you do."

He pushed his plate aside and pinned me with a stare. "Why would I do anything he asks me to do?"

'He thinks you're still in love with Feyre, and I'm going to take a stab I the dark and say she believes the same." I said, and we both rolled our eyes at the delusional vanity of Rhysand and Feyre. "It works to our advantage though as the queen won't set a trial date until she meets you in person to accept her proposal."

"How does that work to our advantage?"

"If you accept her proposal Rhysand will believe you're going along with his plan because you're _so_ in love with Feyre. Happy that she landed the High Lord of the Spring Court, the queen will set the date for the trial, and neither of them will suspect you plan to plead Brie's case until it's too late to stop it."

"If the queen is the one who decides her guilt or innocence Brie will be executed as that is what Rhys wants her to do," he said, his claws sliding out from beneath his knuckles to dig into the arm of the chair. "The only way this will work to our benefit is if others get a say in her verdict – a group of male and female humans that don't stand to gain anything by returning a guilty verdict."

"They would have to be chosen right before the trial begins otherwise they could be persuaded by Rhysand to cast their vote for her to hang."

"I'd have to introduce the change of plans shortly before the trial starts saying that I cannot align my Court with any queen that doesn't allow for its subjects to have a fair trial decided upon by the people." He scratched at his stubbled jaw, and after a few moments shook his head. "It won't work, Lucien. If I do that and then proceed to plead her case, the queen will realize I tried to dupe her and will find her guilty without a trial."

"What if I pleaded her case?" I said, a sick feeling curdling in my stomach. If I did try to win her case Rhysand would never allow me to see my mate again. Not that Elain would care – not that she ever cared about me, nonetheless, every fiber in my being belonged solely to her and by helping Brie I would be condemning myself to a life of misery without her. "I could make a solid case for self defense if you'll let me."

"Trust you to save her?" He laughed mirthlessly. "I'd sooner have Rhys defend her. He may be my worst enemy – no, that's not true, that honor goes to Feyre, but at least I know where I stand with him and with her. You would pretend to be my friend and Brie's and then you would sabotage my efforts to save her."

My shoulders slumped and I sunk in my seat. After everything that had happened I couldn't blame him for his mistrust of my true motives, but it still hurt to hear him compare me to Rhysand and Feyre. "I know you have no reason to trust me, but I swear to you that I'll do everything within my power to free her."

"And risk losing your mate when Rhysand finds out you defended a woman he wants to see dead?" Lips pursed, he shook his head. "You would betray us in the end to be with her, and I'd rather not take that chance. Not with her life, I won't."

"I don't see where you have any other choice, Tam," I said, anger igniting within me. "It's not as if you have a million friends willing to sacrifice their lives for you – you have no one other than me." I pushed to my feet, and looked down at him. "If you don't want my help, that's fine. She'll be found guilty, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself."

"I'll save her," he met and held my gaze, and I watched darkness settled into his green eyes, turning them so dark they almost appear black in the light, "even if it means tearing everyone who stands against me to shreds."

I rested a hand on his shoulder, and he growled. "I'm going to help you save your mate, Tamlin," I said, and confusion furrowed at his brow. Of course he didn't realize Brie was his mate. His anger at the world kept him from seeing and feeling the bond that clicked into place the moment he first saw her. "I've never been foolish enough to believe Elain will ever see me as someone she would want to spend her life with, but you have a real chance to find happiness with Brie. I won't ruin that for you even if means I'll never see Elain again."

"You're wrong," he uttered, green seeping into his eyes once more. "The Cauldron has deemed that I'll never be happy much less find my mate, and I've accepted that. Don't wish a life of misery with me onto anyone."

"Brie doesn't see it that way," I said, giving his shoulder a light squeeze then headed outside to give him time to gather his thoughts and process his feelings for Brie. Because he didn't feel worthy of any good in his life he would fight the mate bond with Brie, and if we did free her he'd push her away to save her from being the mate of a High Lord with no friends or allies.

I started toward the tavern to get a drink and to gather any information the villagers might have about the prison, but stopped short at the sound of footsteps behind me. I stopped and they stopped. I started walking again and so did whoever was behind me. Turning on my heel, I growled at Lilianna.

"What do you want?" I snapped, anger coiling in my stomach as I recalled in vivid clarity how she ignored me for the past five days. "I'm not in the mood to deal with a silly little girl at the moment."

"You shouldn't have told him the truth about his mate," she chastised, closing the gap between us, and my eyes caught on the seductive sway of her hips as she moved. "He was supposed to figure it out himself. Now he'll doubt his strong feelings for her and convince himself that you planted the false idea in his head."

"Well, not all of us have the Higher Beings whispering important insight in our ears." I tapped at my pointed ear for emphasis. "If you didn't want me to tell him the truth you should've warned me but instead you ignored me completely for the past five days."

"I told you why we couldn't be friends anymore, Lucien," she said so casually and with such blatant disregard of my feelings as if I meant nothing to her, I turned to walk away. She caught hold of my arm to stop me, but I didn't turn to face her. "You don't want me to die, and while I appreciate your efforts to distract me from my purpose, it won't change anything." Still holding my arm, she circled to look me in the eye. "I'm going to die, Lucien. All you've accomplished in your attempt to save me is to anger the Higher Beings. They aren't happy about this trial or the manor burning down – I'm not any closer to my goal now than when I started and I don't have forever before they decide what to do with me."

"What does _decide what to do with you_, mean?"

"If I fail to do the job they sent me back to do, I won't be granted access into the Beyond. I'll be sent to the Other place which is far, far worse than this world."

I swallowed hard around the thick lump forming in my throat. I didn't want her to die and I certainly didn't want to condemn her to live out eternity in some hellish place. "There has to be a way to save you from either place, Lili. I refuse to accept that there isn't a way to accomplish what you came back to do and also to live a long happy life in Prythian. If you can bring some sort of lasting peace between the Night and Spring Courts which would be a bona fide miracle, they should grant you an immortal life."

"You have your mate," she reminded me yet again as if I couldn't have her as a friend and Elain as my mate. Not that I had Elain as my mate. If I did I likely would've never met Lilianna as I wouldn't have come back to the Spring Court. "If there ever came a time when you had to choose between my life and your mate, you would choose her. That doesn't sadden me even though I refuse to believe a Cauldron that was used for evil purposes would bring anything but heartache to those it chose to be mates." She shrugged. "Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. Not when I see how broken you are with her as your mate."

"Are you saying that at some point I'm going to be the one to end your life permanently?" I uttered, trying to make sense of what she was telling me, knowing instinctively she wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't important.

She sighed. "The next time I ask you to help me with a task, don't try to stop me. Bad things will continue to happen if you do."

"You didn't answer my question," I pressed, chest tightening at the thought of being the one to end her life.

"Can't you just enjoy the time we have together without worrying about a time when I'm no longer here? I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about the end and leaving my sister behind. I don't want to leave her, and if I think about it too long it'll crush me."

"And me – say it, Lili. Say you don't want to leave me behind," I uttered in a hoarse whisper. "Even if you don't really mean it pretend you do."

"I hardly know you, Lucien," she said, bobbing her head at the tavern and started walking in that direction. "Missing you is one thing, but not wanting to leave you behind is quite another. Brie and I have a lifetime of memories that we've shared that'll make it hard to leave her when the time comes, but all we've had is a few weeks of fun."

"Are you teasing me again?" I said, casting a glance in her direction for any sign of a sly grin, and frowned in disappointment when there wasn't a trace of humor on her delicate face. "Sometimes you're very cruel, Lili."

"I'm just as silly little girl, remember," she said, throwing my words back in my face. "But for the sake of argument, why allow myself to feel anything other than a fleeting interest in a man when he has a mate and I'm not destine to live long."

"So you were interested?" I said, clinging to that one word instead of every other word that came out of her pretty mouth. "By fleeting did you mean it was so strong you were overwhelmed with emotion and had to bury it before it consumed you?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not the definition of fleeting," she chuckled, bumping her shoulder against my arm. "I want to get drunk, Lucien," she added to change the subject. "Not drunk the way my uncle got drunk, but the fun kind where everything just seems better and you laugh and laugh and you don't have to worry about what comes next."

"You're too young to drink," I said, grasping hold of her hand to lead her away from the tavern.

"Well, I'm never going to get any older and this could be my last chance to feel what being drunk is like," she argued, pulling free of me grasp.

"I said no." I moved to place myself in front of her, and folded my arms across my chest. "You'll end up puking up your guts and I'll be stuck holding your hair for you. So I'm putting my foot down."

_"You're putting your foot down?" _she said, stressing each word, anger igniting in her golden-brown eyes. "Exactly when did you become my legal guardian? Put your foot down, ha – I'll break my foot off in your ass the next time you try to order me around."

Why she felt the need to speak loud enough that the patrons and whores loitering outside the tavern heard her and burst out laughing, was beyond me. Likely it was some human thing I would never understand.

"You're causing a scene," I growled as the human males and painted females in skimpy dresses continued to laugh at the scene she created. "I'm taking you back to the inn and you're going to go to bed."

"No," she said, tilting her chin defiantly. "We're going to get drunk and forget about everything for one night, and if I get sick I'll hold my own hair back."

"All right," I said after a lengthy pause, buckling under as she held my gaze. "But not at the tavern. I don't want other males getting any ideas when they get a good look at that dress you're wearing. Honestly, would it kill you to wear something that didn't show so much of this," I waved my hand at the swell of her breasts left uncovered by the low neckline of the dress, "or this," my hand swept down to the hem that ended above her knees, "not to mention how it hugs every curve of your body because it's too small for you."

"My uncle preferred to spend his money on alcohol instead of clothing for us. So we made do with the clothes that others threw away when they no longer wanted them," she informed me, not the least bit ashamed of having to dig through people's trash to find clothes to wear. 'If not at the tavern, where are we going to get alcohol to drink?"

"Wait here," I said, and ran inside the tavern to buy several bottles of whiskey. Thankfully she hadn't moved from her where I told her to wait, and as I approached her I lifted the bottles for her to inspect. "You're going to be sorry in the morning, sweetheart."

She studied the bottles for a moment, and shook her head. "I changed my mind. I don't want a single night to go by in a blur. I don't want to have to really think to recall what I might've said or done while drunk."

"You're killing me." My arms fell loosely to my side, the bottles of whiskey clinking together. "Seriously, you could've told me you changed your mind before I ran to get these bottles of whiskey."

She grinned and winked at me. "But then I wouldn't have been able to watch your ass when you ran away."

A slow smile spread across my face. "You were checking out my ass?"

"No, but if you want I'll take a look at it right now and give you a very detailed review after I swoon from how glorious it is." She fanned herself and winked at me again. "Give those men the whiskey and then take me back to the Whispering Woods. I want to hear the trees sing again while listening to stories of the life you lived long before I was born."

"I can't think of anything I'd rather do," I said, and the truth of how I felt sent a chill of fear racing down my spine. "I already miss you and you aren't even gone yet."

"I feel the same way," she whispered, grazing her fingers along my cheek. "Let's not think sad thoughts tonight. We have time to say our goodbyes later…."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

_Tamlin_

After the argument I had with Lucien I spent the night mulling over his claim that Brie was my mate. It couldn't be true. Yes, I had strong feelings for her – stronger than I should've had under the circumstances of my existence, but I couldn't allow it to be true. I had nothing to offer anyone, and she would come to hate me if I tried to pursue any sort of relationship with her. Not to mention that Rhysand and his ilk would never let us live in peace, not with her being the Dream Weaver and me his most hated enemy. It would never work between us even if what Lucien claimed was true, and I wasn't sure it was.

Whatever trigger Brie placed in Feyre's mind, it was a clever move on her part. Or at least it was until Rhysand decided to enlist the queen's help to eliminate the threat Brie posed. I'd never actually met her mother when she came with her father to the Spring Court. I caught glimpses of her but my mother warned me not to let her eyes fall upon me or I would never be able to sleep without fear that she would enter my dreams. Most mothers warned their children of the wicked Dream Weaver and with good reason. She'd caused so many deaths – too many not to fear her daughter might do the same.

If my mother's warning hadn't done the trick to make myself scarce while she stayed at the manor, Rhysand warned me about her as well. When I trained to fight with him, he often warned me to steer clear of her, and over drinks one night he told me of Reya and how he watched her slit her own throat in front of him. It was hard to believe that at one point we were close enough that he would've been concerned about my wellbeing and I would've been greatly saddened by his heartbreak.

If we did somehow manage to save Brie from being executed, it would only be the beginning of the battles we'd face to keep her alive and safe. The one thing that worked in our favor and the one thing Rhysand likely wished he'd never shared with me was that he couldn't break into her mind at will to control her. She could easily traipse through his mind to bend him to her will while he slept, something he worked tirelessly to prevent when Mara was alive but never quite managed it.

There was another possibility that took form in my mind as I walked the perimeter of the queen's lands searching for a weak spot in her wards. Rhysand wanted her dead that much was perfectly clear from the conversations he had with me and Lucien, but he didn't want her death to circle back to him in any way, shape or form. He wanted me to be the one to testify that she murdered her uncle and told me about it after the fact, and to have her death fall squarely on my shoulders. From that insight, it stood to reason that he couldn't be the one to bring about her death or Feyre would suffer the consequences for his actions, and maybe that was why he didn't enlist any of his friends or those loyal to him to do the job for him.

What he failed to take into consideration was that he would still be to blame and Feyre would still die along with her unborn child if Brie hung for murder. If I did testify against her it would be at his request and whether we were friends or not, didn't change the fact that he set everything in motion. Although he'd never acknowledge or feel grateful that I'd save Brie from the gallows – if I did save her from death – thereby saving Feyre and her unborn child, it would be enough for me to know I'd tried my best to keep the three of them alive.

So engrossed in my thoughts I failed to notice the warm blue glow of Rhysand's shadowsinger's siphons until he stepped out of the darkness directly into my path. _"High Lord,"_ he said, making my title sound like an insult rather than a greeting. "Why are you out skulking around the queen's wards this late at night?"

"Last I checked, High Lords don't answer to common rabble," I said, looking him up and down. "You would do well to remember that like your High Lord, I _am_ power while you only play at being powerful, shadowsinger."

Shadows tightened around him and his hazel eyes narrowed on me. "I did not come to trade insults with you, High Lord. Rhys sent me to make certain the Dream Weaver's trial proceeds without any unforeseen complications. It is in both of our best interests to see her put to death and this could be our only chance to see it come to pass."

"He must not care a great deal for you if he sent you to watch over her trial," I pointed out, moving past him to continue my trek around the queen's warded border. Wings tucked tight against his back, he walked beside me. From his grim expression, I determined that it must've killed him to have to play nice with me. "Those markings on your skin will tip her off that you are from the Night Court, and as such I predict your death will come before hers if she sees you."

"Then it's a good thing I can become nothing more than a shadow if I wish," he countered with a tight-lipped smile. "I will be acting as your bodyguard when you meet the queen to accept her proposal, and although it kills me a little bit every time I think about it, I will protect you with my life if necessary until the trial is over."

I laughed as he muttered several curses at being stuck serving me until the trial ended. "I don't know what to say – I'm touched," I tapped at my heart, and grinned his way, "I really am over your heartwarming concern for my safety. Yet, for as much as I feel I would enjoy your cheery disposition, I have to refuse Rhysand's generous offer. It wouldn't be fair to keep you all to myself when you could be elsewhere spreading joy amongst the Fae of Prythian."

"Smart ass," he growled, his massive wings expanding outward at the veiled insult. "Unfortunately for both of us, it was an order not a request. And if it makes you feel any better, I can assure you I won't be any happier than you are to have to spend any amount of time together."

"Loyal to a fault," I chuckled lightly as I considered how to save Brie with him watching my every move. "My ravens have gleaned interesting information about you, Az." I glanced his way as we continued our walk. "Wouldn't you agree it's important to know your enemies deepest secrets." Another growl. "However will you tolerate Lucien's presence when you're not so secretly in love with his mate?"

"That's not true," he hissed, hands balling into tight fists. "I have no interest in Elain other than friendship."

"Oh, but you do." I grinned at him, and noticed the nerve in his cheek twitch. "All those not so private conversations you've had with yourself when you thought you were alone. My ravens can be nothing more than mist and shadows as well, shadowsinger. In your pathetic heart, you feel as if she is your mate, but the Caldron deemed otherwise. How very sad for you. It must eat you away inside to know she'll never be yours when you're completely smitten with the girl."

"You will keep what you know to yourself," he gritted out, and if I were only a High Fae or lesser faerie instead of a High Lord, I would've been terrified at the shadows curling around him.

"I have no interest in sharing your secrets, Az," I informed him, taking less pleasure than I should have in his misery. "I feel a strange sort of kindred bond with you over the misery a woman brought upon us."

"We are nothing alike, _High Lord_," he uttered, siphons pulsating with warm blue light. "If you had your way you would've destroyed Feyre."

"Yes, I suppose that is what is said about me throughout the Courts." I shrugged feeling so far removed from the drama Feyre thrived on at the moment I couldn't have cared less what anyone thought of me. "And yet the information I obtained from Hybern likely won us the war. Not to mention that I saved both her and your High Lord during that battle. Why remember any of that though – it doesn't fit the narrative that I'm an evil beast."

"There are those who do remember what you've done to save Prythian from not only Hybern but Amarantha as well." His wings folded inward to tuck behind his back once more. "I don't have to like you to realize the debt has never been paid for all you did for Prythian."

My gaze trailed to the scars on his arms, and I made a decision I would likely regret. "Give me your hand," I said, and he shook his head. "I said give me your hand." It was of a growl this time, and reluctantly he lifted his hand. I grasped hold of it, and ran his fingers through my hair to where Amarantha clawed her nails into my scalp to torture me. His hazel eyes widened considerably. "The reason I treated Feyre the way I did was because I never left Under the Mountain – not really. She warped my mind to into a heightened sense of fear and panic that Rhysand was going to kill Feyre. If your High Lord had never made his declaration in front of Amarantha, not to mention traipsing your High Lady around as his whore, she never would've made him the main villain in the nightmares I still can't escape from to this day."

"You could've fought her control over your mind," he said as I knew he would. Loyal to a fault. I couldn't help but respect him as I knew far too many Fae who turned on me so quickly I didn't have time to try to explain anything to them. "You locked her in the manor and blew up a room around her. You can't blame everything on nightmares, Tamlin. Take some responsibility for your actions."

"If Rhysand decided to slip into your mind as he did to me at the meeting of the High Lords, are you saying you could break free of his hold on your mind without him letting you go?"

"Rhys would never –"

"I'm not asking what he would or wouldn't do – I'm asking if you could free yourself from his control over your mind?"

"You already know the answer," he grumbled.

"And yet you think I should've been able to regain control of my mind from the woman who captured almost the entirety of Prythian. I never realized what a high opinion you have of me."

"Okay, I'll admit with the kind of power Amarantha possessed it is likely that the damage she did to your brain might be permanent and have far reaching side effects."

I smirked at how much it pained him to admit I might not have been in the right frame of mind when Feyre and I returned to the Spring Court after our captivity Under the Mountain. "That must've been so difficult for you to admit. Do you need to sit down?"

"Why are you poking around the queen's border?" he said to change the subject when he would've rather torn me apart limb by limb for daring to be unafraid of him.

"Making sure the Dream Weaver can't escape through any weak spots in the shields." It wasn't necessarily a lie as I was searching for a spot to breach in case the queen decided to execute Brie without a trial.

"Have you found any yet?"

"As of yet I haven't found a single weak spot in the wards the queen had set in place. Since you're here you can give me a hand." If he planned to follow me around until after the trial, I figured I might as well put him to work with the added bonus of keeping him away from Lucien and Lilianna while they slept. "It shouldn't take more than the rest of the night to make certain the wards is secure."

He grumbled but did as I asked, turning the opposite direction of me to backtrack where I'd already searched and circle the border to meet me in the middle. I could've told him that I'd already finished circling the perimeter and was just finishing up when he arrived, yet I kept my mouth shut after calling out to tell him to be as thorough as possible because lives depended on his attention to detail.

While I sat waiting for him I tried to decide what to do about Lilianna. If I didn't return to the inn Lucien would no doubt come looking for me with her in tow, and if Azriel followed me back to where our temporary lodgings were located he'd figure out the truth. No, he already knew about her. If he was as good as I believed he was at his job, he already knew Lilianna was with Lucien at the inn. The shadowsinger had the ability to become nothing more than shadows which meant he'd probably been following us for days. No sense in trying to hide her, better to pretend we were lying to her about saving her sister.

Azriel returned as the sun's first rays of golden light haloed in pink and tangerine lit up the sky in a dazzling display. One day I would have to thank the Dawn Court for the beauty they created every morning, but for now I needed to keep my mind on Azriel. After reporting what I already knew, he followed me back to the inn. As we approached the whitewashed building Lucien and Lilianna appeared in front of the main entrance. Laughing as I hadn't seen them laugh since Brie had been captured, they didn't notice us immediately. It was only when Azriel cleared his throat that the two of them realized they had an audience. Lucien's face paled and he quickly pulled away from Lilianna.

What happened next surprised the hell out of me and Lucien as well. She ran directly into Azriel's arms and hugged him as if they were long lost friends. "You're here, Azriel," she said, looking up at him, and his baffled expression matched my own. "They said you'd come to help me. What took you so long?"

"You knew I would come?" he uttered, looking to me and then Lucien for answers. I shrugged and Lucien suddenly found a piece of dried grass on his tunic utterly fascinating. "You saw my arrival?"

"The Higher Beings told me you would come," she said, and Lucien circled his finger around his ear as if she was crazy. "I see you, Lucien," she added without turning around to actually see his gesture. "They gave you your gift to see beyond what is normal, and they told me you would come to help put an end to the fighting in this world."

"What is she talking about, Lucien?" Azriel said, untangling himself from Lilianna's arms. "Is the girl deranged?"

"Well, yes and no," Lucien said, and this time Lilianna turned to glare at him. "Technically, I guess you could say she's dead but not dead. A spirit yet not quite in ghost form. Gone but –"

"Enough," Azriel interrupted, his eyes slowly traveling over Lilianna, and then he did another thing I never would've expected. He knelt in front of her and bowed his head, wings arching high above him. "Get on your knees," he growled at us, "you are in the presence of a Higher Being."

"No, that's just –" I gave Lucien a look of warning, and we both dropped to our knees and bowed our heads. "I was just going to say we've already bowed before her greatness several times."

"Yes, we've bowed many times before her," I said, tilting my head to look at Lucien. I silently mouthed the words _whatever he says, agree that she's some all powerful being. _

"Anytime you want to get up off your knees is okay with me," Lilianna giggled, and as we stood she rolled her eyes. "It's good you already believe in the Higher Beings, Azriel," she added with a sigh of relief. "But I am not one of them. I'm just a girl they sent back to bring some sort of peace between the Courts."

"I see a golden halo emanating from you," he said, and I looked to Lucien to see if he saw any sort of light emanating from her and he shook his head.

"You only see that I died and returned. Nothing more. You are a shadowsinger and that's why you see more than others," she explained, and I wished she would stop before he lost the awe he felt in her presence. "The Higher Beings wanted you to see my death halo in hopes that you would help me complete my task."

"You want me to help you save your sister." He shook his head. "I cannot do that. She cannot be allowed to live for the sake of all Prythian."

"You may not care about the Dream Weaver," I said as Lilianna opened her mouth to respond, "but you do care about Feyre. If her death wasn't tied to Brie's Rhysand would never have gone to such lengths to separate himself from Brie's death. He's enlisted the aid of the mortal queen and he came to me – his enemy – to ask me to testify at her trial. It's my guess that if he or anyone loyal to him has a hand in Brie's death Feyre will die as well."

"Huh," Lucien said, golden eye whizzing, "now that part of the conversation I had with him makes sense. He asked me to admit I was never his friend or loyal to him, and he seemed relieved when I said it was true."

"You're forgetting that he sent me to be your bodyguard until the trial ends," Azriel smoothly countered, refusing to see the truth of why Rhysand wanted his hands clean of Brie's murder. "I'm one of his best friends and there is no way he'd send me to you if Feyre's life would be in danger because of me."

"Rhysand didn't send you," Lilianna said, meeting Azriel's gaze. "You received a letter in his handwriting with an order to keep an eye on Tamlin until the trial ended."

The color drained from Azriel's face. "How did you know that?"

"You think the Higher Beings can't write a letter to move you where they want you to be?" she said, lifting a delicate brow. "They brought me back, Az. It's nothing for them to reach down from the Beyond to place a letter in your bedroom."

"I won't help you save the Dream Weaver," he said, the stones in his siphons beginning to glow.

"That's fine," Lucien said, grinning at him. "But if you don't help us and Brie is hung for murder when you could've prevented it, my best guess is that you'd be directly responsible for Feyre's death."

"That makes no sense," he growled, fuming at the Higher Beings for putting him in the position of having to go against Rhysand's orders.

"If Brie is found guilty Rhysand will be responsible for orchestrating the entire thing," I stated calmly. "He's so wrapped up in the thought of losing Feyre and his unborn child he feels he needs to rid himself of the Dream Weaver to keep them safe. He has no ties with this mortal queen or me for that matter, but the moment he asked for our aid in the matter of Brie's death, he started a chain of events that will lead to Feyre's death if you don't help us."

"Love makes fools of all of us," Azriel said, shaking his head. "We went back and forth on the idea of you actually marrying the troll – I mean Queen Clarissa, and we decided to let you marry her for the lands you'd gained…I'll admit it would've been humorous to watch. But if you refused to marry her –"

"He changed his mind on that," Lucien informed him. "He wanted Tamlin to pretend to accept her proposal then jilt her at the altar."

"My point is still valid," Azriel said, giving him a withering look. "If you refuse to marry her, she'll have no reason to hold the Dream Weaver any longer."

"What if she decides to forgo a trial and hangs Brie because I rejected her?" I pointed out.

"If we prove she acted in self defense, she'll be set free," Lucien stated, sharing our original plan with him. "If you help me plead her case, Azriel, you'll be freeing yourself from any blame if she is convicted."

"Rhys will not see it that way. If I actively help you plead her case, he will blame me if Feyre dies."

"Then you can't lose," Lilianna said, smiling sweetly at him, no sign of fear for the hardened warrior. "If Tamlin is right, you won't be just saving my sister but your High Lady as well." She gently rested a hand on his arm. "When you've won her case, I will go with you to the Night Court to –"

"No!" Lucien cut it, shaking his head emphatically. "You're not going to anywhere with him. He'll take you to the Night Court and you'll become their prisoner, Lili. I won't allow it."

"If I am going to work to free her sister, Rhysand will need some sort of bargaining chip to assure him that the Dream Weaver will not harm him, Feyre or any of his friends and family." He bobbed his head at Lilianna. "The sister of the Dream Weaver will return to Velaris with me to serve as that bargaining chip. She will come to no harm unless the Dream Weaver harms someone Rhysand cares about."

"That's never going to happen." Pulling Lilianna away from Azriel, Lucien placed himself between them. "Lili isn't some bargaining chip for the Night Court to use against her sister." He looked to me to back him up. "Tell him, Tamlin Tell him we're not trading Brie's life for Lili's."

"Would she be a prisoner or a guest of the Night Court?" I said, sparing only a glance at the anger clearly displayed on Lucien's face before my eyes settled on Azriel. "If she goes with you, will you protect her with your life if necessary?"

"My loyalty lies with Rhys, but if the Dream Weaver gives no cause for Rhys to harm the girl, I will protect her with my life," he vowed. "Furthermore, she will be treated as a guest and will be afforded the freedom to roam Velaris with a guard for however long she stays with us."

Lucien turned on his heel to face Lilianna, and framed her face in his hands. "Don't agree to this, Lili. Brie wouldn't want you to trade your freedom for her life – I don't want you to trade your life for hers. Give me a chance to save her without his help. When I win the case, I promise to take you wherever you want to go to do whatever the Higher Beings sent you back to do. Just please…if you go with him, I'll never see you again."

"I already told you we would have a chance to say goodbye one last time before I die again," she whispered, gently removing his hands from her face. "You will always find reasons to keep me from my task, and in the end you would be damning me to a death I do not want. Azriel will keep me safe until it is time for me to die." She looked around him to Azriel, and he nodded. "The Higher Beings have seen to it. It is their will that brought him to me, and I cannot refuse them."

"The girl is very brave, Lucien," Azriel said. "She is asking you to let her go – don't be a coward in the face of her bravery."

"Shut the hell up!" Lucien snapped bitterly. "She's not just some _girl_ that these Higher Beings or Rhysand can use to manipulate others into doing what they want – her life matters. If not to you or anyone else, her life matters to me. And I refuse to let her be some pawn to keep peace between the Night and Spring Courts."

"That is why I have to leave you, Lucien," Lilianna said, catching his gaze. "You've grown to care too much about my wellbeing to ever willingly let me go, and they won't allow it."

"You act as if it's a bad thing for someone to care about you, Lili." He threw his arms out wide in frustration. "Well, I do care…probably way more than I should, and just because you walk away from me, doesn't mean I won't follow you wherever you go."

"Are you forgetting your mate?" Azriel asked with utmost interest. "I doubt she will be pleased to hear that you made such a poignant declaration to this human girl."

I could pinpoint the exact moment when Lucien realized he said more than he should. Panic filled his features and he stumbled back several steps away from Lilianna. Of all the Fae in Prythian he chose the worst possible male to be present when he declared he'd follow Lilianna wherever her task led her. While I knew he'd hung on her every word and kept a constant eye out for her while we were working, it never even crossed my mind that he would be interested in her when he already had a mate. But this wasn't only a passing interest in a girl who paid some attention to him. He was in love with her, and from his mortified expression I doubted he even realized it.

"Lilianna will be staying at the Spring Court," I said, likely to my own detriment. For the friend who hadn't been a true friend to me in a long time, I would find another way to save Brie. His unrealized love for her would never amount to anything, not if she really was going to die and he had a mate he couldn't resist, but I wouldn't be the one to send her away. "If Rhysand needs some sort of proof that the Dream Weaver will cause no harm to anyone he cares about, he'll have to provide me the same where he is concerned. She can weave into dreams and he can slip into minds as easy as blinking. They are evenly matched, Azriel. His only cause for concern is that he can't control her mind, and I believe that to be a good thing. The balance of power has always tipped in his favor, and other Courts have lived in fear of what he can do to their minds at will. It's time for a balance of power. There can never be equal footing for all unless there are checks and balances for the power the strongest male possesses."

"Rhysand will never agree to that."

"I don't see where he has much of a choice." I shrugged a shoulder. "It will not be the Spring Court that will set out to intentionally harm anyone in your Court. But if he uses his mind control to harm me or her sister or Lucien, he will reap what he sows."

He lifted a brow, "And what of the trigger she placed in Feyre's mind? That cannot be allowed to stay in place if it is peace you truly want."

"If we have Rhysand's word he will leave us in peace, I will ask the Dream Weaver to remove it," I vowed, keeping my eyes locked on him. "He is the one who started this, Az. He abducted her from the Calanmai festivities, and she did the only thing she could do to protect herself from him. You would've done the same if you were her."

"He's right," Lucien interjected. "Brie doesn't want to harm anyone. She lived in fear too long to want to cause that same kind of fear in others. Once the trial is over, we will meet with Rhysand and discuss terms of peace between our two Courts."

"And if she is found guilty?" Azriel folded his muscular arms across his chest. "If I work with you to save her, and she is still found guilty of murdering her uncle – as that is what she did, there is no denying it, will you still honor your word to have her remove the trigger in Feyre's mind?"

Lucien looked to me and gave a subtle nod, and although I wanted to say that she wouldn't even be on trial if it wasn't for Rhysand and he deserved anything that happened because of it, I nodded as well. "If you are true to your word and do everything within your power to free her, Lili and I will speak to Brie and have her remove the trigger if she is found guilty."

"Then we have an agreement," he said, reluctantly holding out his hand for me to shake sealing the bargain we struck. "If you go back on your word, you will never see me until the second I strike you down, Tamlin."

**Thanks for reading :) It is my thoughts that Azriel with the gifts that have been bestowed upon him sees the bigger picture as he has the ability to see and hear things others don't. While he is completely loyal to Rhysand, I think he would try to find a solution to the problem that would not only set Feyre free from the trigger Brie placed in her mind, but also to bring some sort of peace to Prythian. I also feel as if when he saw the scars on Brie's arm, he felt a sort of kindred bond with her and wants to understand her better before rushing to end her life...if you do or don't agree let me know your thoughts. thanks again ;)**


	23. Chapter 23

**thanks for taking the time to read :)**

Chapter Twenty Three

_Lucien_

Once again Lilianna ignored my presence, but this time I was angry enough at her not to care. If Tamlin hadn't refused to let Azriel take her, giving her the full protection of his Court, she would've handed herself over to Rhysand as if her life meant nothing. It would've been a means to an end for her. She could say whatever it was she had to say to Feyre and perhaps with Azriel's help she could finish any other tasks the Higher Beings asked her to do, and then she would die. I'd asked her the night before if I could listen to the hearts beating in her chest, a way of assuring myself I still had time to figure out how to fight against beings I couldn't see or hear or touch. She refused. Why she felt the need to make it so difficult for me to even try to save her infuriated me.

Instead of making plans to save her, we spent the night talking about our childhood, and I learned that she liked to fish with her father while Brie and her mother embroidered lacey handkerchiefs to sell at the local mercantile in their village. She spoke of boys she had crushes on and about the first one she almost kissed. Her father caught her and Tommy what's his name and scolded them both for their inappropriate behavior – she was only eight at the time. It was her birthday and at that point she had less than two years left of happiness with her family before the fire.

She went on to explain how people started to notice how different Brie seemed compared to other girls her age, that while they were starting to age she still remained almost frozen in time. She was not quite twenty when the fire happened, and yet she still looked no more than fifteen or sixteen at most. But it wasn't until someone saw her heal a deep cut on Lilianna's knee from a fall she'd taken that their suspicions were confirmed. From that point onward they kept to themselves, but Tommy had grown into a real bastard and started spreading rumors about Brie using her evil gifts to cause any illness or bad luck in their village. Soon enough others were telling the same tales and before their father could move them to somewhere safe, the men in the village burned their house to the ground.

In turn, I spoke of my mother and how she tried to protect me from my father and brothers, but it only served to make them hate me more. I told her how Amarantha tortured me, carving out my eye and cutting my face when I went to speak to her on Tamlin's behalf. Then I spoke of Ianthe and how she used my body when I stepped in for Tamlin during Calanmai, and how it still bothered me to this day if I thought about it too much. I couldn't bring myself to forgive Tamlin for that yet, and she understood my need to hold onto that anger without me having to go into great detail of all that transpired in the cave that night.

Once again I'd laid myself bare for her, sharing things I didn't ever want to think about, and it was a slap in the face for her to set me aside for Azriel. She believed I cared too much, and she was right, but I still should've thought it through before I declared in front of Azriel that I would follow her no matter where she went. It was reckless, and as soon as Azriel mentioned Elian I snapped back to my senses. Too late. The damage had already been done, and it wouldn't take long before he made Elian aware of my growing attraction for a girl who wasn't my mate, and to make it truly laughable she couldn't wait to die and leave me behind.

Azriel met with the mortal queen at Rhysand and Tamlin's behalf to arrange for Tamlin to meet with her and that didn't go well either. To prove she wasn't subject to the whims of High Lords, she set the date to greet him for seven days later – seven days for the seven High Lords of Prythian. She thought that sounded rather poetic or at least that's what Azriel reported to Tamlin. A day later I went to speak to her on Lilianna's behalf, hoping she'd grant us access to see Brie, and while she wouldn't allow Lilianna to see her, she gave me one hour in order that I could reassure Lilianna that her sister was still alive.

I followed one of her guards down a steep flight of stair carved into the earth into the darkness that awaited us below. Not a single shaft of light broke the darkness of the narrow tunnel he led me through, and thankfully I'd thought to drag my nail along the earthen wall to leave a trail to follow in the labyrinth of twists and turns of the dungeon. Maybe it was her hope that I would be lost forever in the dungeon created for the sole purpose of keeping any prisoners who tried to escape from actually succeeding in their attempt.

"One hour," the guard said as he came to a stop in front of what must have been Brie's cell, but if it was I couldn't see it anymore than I could see the walls or the guard or which way was out. He moved quietly past me, and I detected no footfalls on the packed dirt beneath my feet to give me any indication of whether he'd left or was standing nearby listening to our conversation.

"Brie," I whispered, feeling along the wall until my hand slipped through at the opening of her cell. I ran my hand along the length of the opening, fingers touching on electrified bars. I yanked my hand away and shook it as my fingertips burned from whatever magic had been infused into the bars. "Brie," I called out a little louder this time, and heard movement at what I assumed was the back of the cell.

"Lucien?" she rasped her voice scratchy and raw from screaming into the darkness for help. "Y-you shouldn't be here. Others come to see prisoners – I hear them screaming…they can't get out. You shouldn't have come…."

"Is there something down here in the tunnels?" I asked, glancing from side to side and seeing nothing but darkness. "When they scream, is there any other noise you hear?"

"Growling …horrible growling and then screams. You have to go," she said more urgently. "The guard releases it when he is safely on the stairs."

"Are you okay?" I said, peering from left to right again even though it was useless. I'd never see it coming before it was too late.

"I'm fine," she gritted out, hissing as her hand made contact with the bars. "I won't have you die for me down here – go!"

I heard it then – the deep guttural growl of whatever beast they'd trapped within the labyrinth. Only the growl. No sound of it moving closer. No warning of where it might come from. "We're going to save you – don't use your power to harm anyone, okay?"

I didn't wait for a response. I took off running blindly in the dark, listening to the growling as it seemed to close in on me from everywhere. I'd forgotten the marks I left along the wall to lead me to the stairs, only recalling them as I ran into a solid wall and flew backwards to land sprawled on the ground.

"Run, Lucien!" Brie shouted from somewhere behind me. "It's found your scent! Run!"

Quickly dragging myself up off the ground, I felt along the wall until I found another corridor, and took off running yet again. "Keep shouting, Brie! I have to find my way back to you to get out!"

The growling of the beast seemed to be right behind me, and every twist and turn only took me further and further away from the faint sound of Brie's voice calling out to me. I slammed into something sharp, my clothes and skin tearing away as I yanked free of it. Blood dripped from the open wound on my arm, and the beast went into a fevered frenzy. No longer silent other the growls, it thrashed around behind me, barreling into unseen walls as it gained on me.

Its teeth gnashed together, sending a shiver racing through me, and that was the only warning before it pounced, knocking me to the ground, my head connecting hard with the ground. Its massive weight forced the air from my lungs, and I couldn't think. I couldn't winnow – I couldn't move – I could scarcely breathe. Flashes of light danced before my one good eye.

"Bury the smell of your blood in the dirt!" Brie shouted, bringing me back to my senses. "He can't see or hear you – he can only smell your blood."

"I'm bleeding a lot!" I yelled back to her, and bit down hard on my lower lip to keep from screaming as a long clawed nail dragged along my chest, blood leaking out from the wound. "I-I'm going to –"

"Don't even think it!" she snapped, and I honed in on the sound of her voice as it clawed into my skin again. "You have weapons, Lucien. You're a smart man – you wouldn't have relinquished every weapon you had on you to those guards. Find your weapon!"

Drawing a staggered breath, I reached for knife I'd kept hidden beneath my tunic. Unsheathing it from its leather holster, I gripped the handle tight in my shaking hand, and brought my arm up fast, burying the blade to the hilt in its body. Putrid smelling blood spilled down over my hand as it roared in rage and pain. Fingers slick with blood, I twisted the knife, and then yanked it out only to the stab the leathery beast again and again as it clawed to get away from me. It flopped over on its side whimpering, and with my remaining strength, I crawled on top of it, and drove my blade into its heart.

"Lucien!" Brie shouted, her voice trembling with fear. "Lucien, answer me!"

"I'm okay," I uttered in a breathless whisper. "I'm okay," I repeated, covering my hand over the deep gashes in my chest. "Jus – just give me a moment to –" My hands and body were shaking and my mind was racing so fast I couldn't think of what I needed to do. "I'm bleeding bad, Brie."

"Can you heal yourself?"

"N-no…I-I need –"

"Listen to me," she said clearly and calmly. "The beast's claws were poisonous. They keep an antidote at the top of the stairs in case one of them gets scratched. You have to make it to the top of the stairs, Lucien, if not you will die."

"I-I don't know how to get out," I uttered, crawling off the beast, and grabbing hold of the wall for support, I stumbled forward into the darkness. "I'm going to die down here, Brie."

"No, you're not. You know how to get out, Lucien. Think…you can do this."

"I-I left a trail from your cell to the corridor where the stairs are," I said, eyelids fluttering closed and I stumbled into another wall. "I have t-to find y-you to find the way out."

"Then follow my voice," she said and continued to talk to lead me to her.

My legs felt heavier and heavier, and my eyes didn't want to stay open, but I kept trudging toward her until her voice was close enough that I could find the marks I'd left in the wall. "I found 'em, Br-ie."

"Good, now run, Lucien," she ordered, her voice strong and reassuring. "Run as if your life depended on it because it does. And when you make it out – when you're free, make sure Lilianna knows I love her."

I ran as she instructed, trailing my hand along the line I'd made with my nail, falling on my face more times than I thought I could possibly recover from, and finally made it to the stairs. Crawling up them on my hands and knees, I pulled myself upright and braced my hands against the walls to kick the door down. Three tries – three hard kicks before the door splintered right down the middle, wood flying across the ground to land at the feet of the guard who brought me down into the dungeon.

"Give me the antidote or you will die where you stand," I warned, the bloody knife still gripped tightly in my hand. Whatever rage he saw in my face in those moments must've scared him senseless as he rushed to grab one of the vials off the shelf near the door. Pointing the tip of the blade at his heart, I snatched the vial out of his hand, used my teeth to pull out the stopper, and drank down the fiery liquid. Throwing the glass on the floor where it shattered, I stumbled forward a step or two then righted myself. "The beast in the dungeon is dead." A lazy smile pulled at my lips as blood loss and whatever was in the antidote made everything fuzzy and somewhere in the back of my mind I heard Brie ordering me to leave before I keeled over. "The High Lord will hear of this…."

I made it outside before the knife slipped out of my hand, and I ran merely out of a sense of self-preservation, and as soon as I breached the border of the queen's grounds, I winnowed to the inn. Tamlin saw me first, or at least I thought it was Tamlin, but I passed out cold before I could be certain.

Nightmares followed me into the darkness, and once again I was running blindly in the dark with the beast chasing me. He pounced and his claws tore through my body. I couldn't get out – I couldn't escape. There was no Brie guiding me to safety. It tore through my chest, blood spilling over me. I didn't make it out. I'd only dream I was free. My heart was racing so fast, drawing its eye to it. One swipe and it would be over. One moment of pain and then it would be over. I pressed my eyes shut and screamed.

"Wake up, Lucien," Lilianna said, shaking me awake. "You were having a nightmare." My eyelids fluttered open to look up at her. "Tamlin healed your wounds but you've been in and out of consciousness for almost two days." My hand flew to my chest – to wear the beast had clawed deep trenches in my skin and found raised scars. "The wounds were too deep to heal completely, but they don't look bad considering –"

"How bad were they?" I whispered, grazing my fingers along the long jagged scars.

"Tamlin took one look at you and he threw up. Azriel carried you inside and started washing away the dirt and debris…I would've helped, but you wouldn't let go of my hand." I touched my fingers to my arm where it had caught on something sharp, but found no sign of a scar. "That one wasn't as bad and neither were some of the other ones – Tamlin was able to heal them completely. He went half out of his mind when he thought you were going to die. He cares so much for you, Lucien."

"You're sister saved me from the creature they trapped in the dungeon." Her voice kept me going, made me fight when I didn't feel I had any strength left in me, guided me to safety, and I would never be able to repay her the debt I owed her. "I couldn't see anything – I could only hear its growls echoing throughout the labyrinth. If it wasn't for her –"

"You're safe, Lucien," she said, grasping hold of my hand. "Tamlin went to the castle to find out who'd done this to you – he had this belt on with knives lining it and a sword lashed to his side, and he came back with the head of the guard who was responsible for harming you."

"It's called a bandolier," I said as I tried to wrap my brain around the idea of Tamlin killing the man who'd left me in the tunnel to die.

"Huh?"

"The belt he straps across his chest – it's called a bandolier."

"I'm not sure why that's important, but okay." She rolled her eyes. "The head is now on a spike outside the queen's borders. Naturally the queen is furious that he would dare to kill one of her guards, but still plans to meet with us in five days."

"You're awake," Tamlin said, leaning against the doorframe. "He is awake for real this time, right?"

"Yes, the fever has passed," Lilianna informed him. "I've been filling him in on what's been going on while he's been unconscious."

"You didn't tell him about –"

"You throwing up?" I finished for him when his voice trailed off abruptly. "I must've looked pretty bad if the High Lord of the Spring Court couldn't keep his lunch down."

"I thought you were dead," he said, still hovering at the door. "I thought those bastards killed you. Azriel pushed me out of the way, and carried you into our room."

"I thought I was dead, too," I said, catching his eye to whisper a silent _thank you_, and he gave a curt nod. "There's no escaping the tunnels in the dungeon. Not unless you mark the path you took from the stairs. There's no light whatsoever. It's a deep, dark void with a labyrinth of tunnels."

"How many guards watch the entrance to the dungeon?"

"At the time there was only one – the man you killed. They didn't need more than one with the creature roaming the tunnels. Brie told me they release it when they reached the stairs so it would attack any visitors to the dungeon."

"What kind of creature was it?" he said, moving into the room to take a seat on the chair next to the bed.

"I don't know." I shook my head against the pillow. "I never saw it. Not even when it was on top of me. All I can say for certain is that its skin was like rough leather."

"Humans, including the mortal queen, should not possess such dark creatures. It is forbidden by the old laws of their lands and ours."

"What do you think it was?" Lilianna asked, fingers tightening around mine.

"From the damage it inflicted to his body, my best guess would be a Barghest."

Lilianna looked between us, and confusion furrowed her brow.

"The humans might call it a Black Dog or Hellhound," I clarified for her, running my fingers over the scars on my chest. "It must've taken a lot of power to heal wounds that shouldn't have healed."

"Luckily you have a friend who has that kind of power to spare," Tamlin said with a faint smile.

"The wounds of a – Barghest," Lilianna frowned at the name, "don't heal?"

"No," Tamlin answered, "they remain open festering wounds that eventually eat away at the surrounding flesh."

"Like what we saw when Az cut away his tunic." The color drained from her face. "Thank you for saving him, Tamlin."

"You should be thanking your sister, not me." He leaned forward in his chair to look me over for any signs that his magic was failing and that I would succumb to the poison in the Barghest's claws. "I had a dream last night of your terror as you tried to find a way out of the dungeon, and as it was ending Brie asked if the antidote saved you. I told her it did."

"But it didn't work – I was dying and you saved me," I said, grasping hold of his hand. "The antidote may have given me the time I need to get to you, but I would be dead if it wasn't for you healing me."

"Either way, you're going to live to be a pain in my ass for a long time to come." He stood and bobbed his head at the door. "I'm going to let you get some rest." His gaze fell to Lilianna. "Tonight you will be sleeping in your own bedroom. Azriel already has enough suspicions about the two of you without adding more."

"I was unconscious."

"And now you're awake." His eyes traveled the length of her revealing dress, and he sighed. "Why is it that you and your sister always wear clothes that leave nothing to the imagination?" He waved off any excuse she might make, and add, "Tomorrow we are going to find you something to wear that is appropriate for a woman who doesn't sleep with males for a living."

"Lucien likes my dresses," she said, grinning at me. "He says he enjoys the view."

"I never said that, Tamlin. I clearly said there isn't enough material to cover her – I never said it."

Shaking his head, he laughed. "Well, whatever you may or may not have said, it's time to get her clothes that fit her properly."

Lilianna stayed a while longer and then made the excuse of having to get some rest when we both knew she was going to spend time with Azriel. She no longer needed me, and we both knew it. If she wanted an audience with Feyre, he'd arrange it. If she planned to go to the Autumn Court to whip them into shape, Azriel would be her bodyguard. There was nothing I could do for her that he couldn't do better. I couldn't even visit her sister to make sure she was all right without almost getting myself killed in the process. Wasn't it enough for him that my mate preferred his company to mine that he had to take Lilianna from me as well?

By the time morning came I'd worked myself into a dark mood, and when Tamlin asked me to go along with him and Lilianna to buy her clothes, I growled at him in response. When Lilianna tried to persuade me to join them, I walked away from her without saying a word. Guilt gnawed at me for treating them poorly after they saved my life, but I kept walking out of the village and into the woods where I spent most of the next few days. Every time I caught Lilianna chatting it up with Azriel, I stormed away and didn't return until well after dark.

While they made plans the night before the meeting with the queen, I kept silent with my arms folded across my chest. Not that they needed any input from me as they decided it would be for the best if I stayed behind as I was still recovering from my injuries. Azriel would serve as Tamlin's bodyguard while Lilianna would be glamoured into a beautiful High Fae of the Spring Court and would serve as his Adviser – which should have been my job. As soon as they concluded the meeting, I stalked out of the inn and headed to the tavern to get drunk.

I only made it halfway there before Tamlin appeared in front of me. "What's wrong, Lucien? Are your injuries still causing you pain? If so, you should have told me instead of acting so sullen and withdrawn the past few days."

"When did you become such good friends with Azriel?" I said, trying to sidestep him, but he moved to stand in my way. "It's as if you've forgotten he's the enemy, making plans to fool the queen into thinking you're interested in marrying her. It would be almost laughable if it wasn't so pathetic."

"You're jealous of Azriel?" He lifted a brow in amusement. "Have _you_ forgotten he's one of Rhysand's best friends? He's only here to save his High Lady and we are here to save Brie. It's better to know what he's up to than to have to guess where he might sabotage our efforts."

"Our efforts? More like yours and Lilianna's efforts. I've been on the sidelines since we left the Spring Court. Sitting at every inn we stayed at waiting for no one to suddenly remember information they forgot to share with you. And now the three of you have decided I'm not up to standing before the queen because of the injuries you healed." I waved a hand over myself. "Do I look as if I might drop over at any moment?"

"No, but even you would have to admit you haven't been yourself since you woke up from the attack. What else could we think but that you are in worse shape than you've been letting on?"

"I'm fine, but if you don't want me to meet the queen with you then I'm going home."

"Which home? The Spring Court or Velaris?"

It was on the tip of my tongue to say Velaris. I almost said it. Yet the look of sadness filling his eyes, I couldn't do it. "The Spring Court will always be my home."

"Good, don't ever make me have to ask again." He pivoted on his heel and nudged his head at the tavern. "We're you planning on drinking away your sorrows?"

"I'd been considering it," I admitted, eyeing the pretty blonde who'd just walked outside for a breath of fresh air. "And maybe some company for the night if all goes well."

"She's a whore. How could it not go well?" he chuckled lightly. "Pay her enough money and she'll swear you're the best she's ever had."

I considered it a moment longer then shook my head. "I have a mate and I don't plan on screwing around with some whore behind her back."

"If you say so," he said, walking toward the tavern and I followed a few paces behind.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you think I'm blind to everything going on around me, Lucien?" He glanced over his shoulder at me. "You've found someone who challenges you and excites you in a way I would guess you've never felt before – maybe she's not your mate, but she is your perfect match. Don't ruin what you could have with her by constantly worrying about the time she spends with Azriel."

"You have no idea what you're talking about. I'm happy with the mate the Cauldron chose for me."

"Well, how could you not be?" He laughed. "She's Feyre's sister which makes her practically perfect in every way. How the Cauldron could bless one family with such perfection still baffles me to this day."

"You're not funny," I said, stopping at the swinging doors of the tavern. "Elian is just – well, she's a quiet woman with deep thoughts and a good personality."

"All I can say to that is better you than me." He clapped me on the shoulder and headed inside to order us a drink. The music stopped playing on a sour note as Tamlin took a seat on one of the barstools, and all the laughter and cheerful banter died away. "Drinks are on me," he said, fishing several solid gold coins out of his pocket, and tossed them on the bar. Within a matter of seconds he was everyone's new best friend, and the music resumed playing. After the bartender set two shots of whiskey in front of us, and moved on to help other customers, he swiveled in his seat to look at me. "When was the last time she shared her deep thoughts and good personality with you? Ever?"

"She's been though a lot, Tamlin." I downed my drink, and motioned for the bartender to fill my glass again. "I have to be patient with her. Feyre assures me if I give her time, she will come to realize that we are meant to be together."

"It's been over two years, Lucien. You should win some kind of award for how patient you've been." He swallowed down his drink as the bartender returned and set it down for him to refill. "Have you ever considered the possibility that you're the only one who feels the mate bond between the two of you? Has she ever truly acknowledged you as her mate or is that just something that's quietly understood and there's no need to say it aloud?"

"We don't really talk about it." We didn't really talk at all, but that was none of his business. I gulped down my drink, and motioned for the bartender again. When he came this time, I snatched the bottle out of his hand and shooed him away. "The life she knew was taken from her and then all of the sudden she has a mate she doesn't even know, not to mention trying to learn to be a High Fae instead of an insignificant human. That takes time, Tam. What kind of mate would I be if I didn't give her the space she needed?"

"I wonder how long it took Lili to acclimate to the death and resurrection that was thrust upon her," he said, taking the bottle from me to pour himself another drink. "Oh, that's right. It took less than a day." He lifted his hands and moved them up and down as if they were a scale. "Two year to get over being Made better – one day to realize you've died and will die again." He lifted one hand and lowered the other. "Two years." He lowered one hand and raised the other again. "One day. Do you see where I'm going with this, Lucien? There's no comparison and yet you'd have me believe that Elian has been so traumatized by living a good life with everything she wants within reach that she can't even bring herself to have a full and interesting conversation with you?"

"Lili is going to die, Tamlin," I gritted out, grabbing the bottle to take a long pull of fiery whiskey. "Nothing I can do will change that. You heard Azriel – she has a death halo around her. I don't even know what that is, but it certainly doesn't sound good."

"And yet she's living her life to the fullest, enjoying every second of her time with you, and you're such a stupid fool you can't see the girl is in love with you."

My stomach flip-flopped several times over, and that's when I knew I was in trouble. "There's no sense in even discussing this since she is going to die. She mentions it to me every single day without fail, and as you've heard she plans to leave with Azriel once her sister is safe."

"Don't let her die without knowing you feel the same way or you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it," he said, taking the bottle out of my hand, and slid it down the counter away from us. "What do you have to lose? If you love her as much as I think you do then you need to be with her. Even if it's only for a short time, you'll have those moments of happiness to get you through a miserable mate bond that never should have happened."

"She's fifteen and I'm –"

"She's sixteen," he interjected, sliding off the barstool. "She turned sixteen yesterday and waited the entire day for you to acknowledge her one special day but you were too busy being angry to remember it."

"Yesterday was May 25th?"

"Yes, it was." He rested a hand on my shoulder, and looked me in the eye. I shrugged his hand away. "I'm going to leave you to think about this one thing. When you were delirious with fever and we feared you might die, it wasn't Elian's name you were calling out…."

My golden eye whizzed and the other widened considerably. "Did Az hear me? Tell me he didn't hear me call out to anyone other than Elian."

"I'm sure everyone at the inn heard you which would include Azriel." Shaking his head, he let loose a heavy breath. "At least Az bought her a beautiful sapphire necklace for her birthday. She was wearing it tonight. Not that you noticed."

Anger constricted my chest, and my grip tightened around my glass. "Why the hell is he buying my –"

"You're what?" he asked innocently.

"My friend." I almost said _mate _but thankfully realized my mistake before I blurted it out. I reasoned with myself that it was because he'd taken the same interest in Elian. "He shouldn't be buying my friends expensive gifts."

"Well, I can't say much about that as I bought her the matching earrings – which again you failed to notice." The glass shattered in my hand, and the human sitting beside me gasped, gaped at me and then quickly moved to the other side of the bar. Tamlin didn't seem to notice the broken glass on the wooden counter or the cuts on my hand as he went on to say, "Az finds her to be incredibly interesting and intriguing, and I'll admit I do as well. She's seen what comes next and Azriel finds her insights about death fascinating."

"If you're trying to make me angry, you've succeeded," I snapped, reaching behind the counter to get a towel to wrap my hand. "Lili is my friend, not yours – definitely not Azriel's. The two of you need to back off now."

"You're not being a very good friend to her at the moment. You haven't even told her you like how she looks in her new dresses. Az thought they looked very pretty on her."

"There's too much material," I grumbled as I thought of the floor length turquoise dress she wore to dinner with its lacy bodice that covered every inch of her creamy skin up to her neck. "How is she supposed to run in a dress like that?"

"I doubt she'll be doing much running in Velaris," he said, twisting the knife in my chest a little bit more. "Although she did buy a pair of pants and a loose fitting shirt so perhaps I'm wrong."

"Weren't you going to leave?" I bobbed my head at the barstool he'd vacated. "Seriously, if all you're going to do is put me down while saying how great Azriel is with Lili then I'd rather be alone."

"All right." He started to walk away then stopped, and without looking back at me, he said, "If you've fully recovered from the Barghest attack and the subsequent fever, I'd like you to stand at my side as my emissary tomorrow."

"Is that just for tomorrow or is it a permanent position?" I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

He pivoted on his heel to face me, and lifted a golden eyebrow. "Do you want to be my emissary?"

"I've been waiting since the day I left with Feyre to be your emissary again," I freely admitted, grinning at him. "You won't regret this. I swear you won't."

"The job is yours as is my friendship," he said after a slight hesitation. "I'm putting my trust in you even though my gut fear is that you'll betray me. Please, don't do that do that to me again. Your friendship is all I have left in the world."

I wanted to tell him he had way more than my friendship, he walked away before I had the chance, leaving me to wonder if he would ever accept the gift he'd been given when Brie came into his life.


	24. Chapter 24

**Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. It took longer than I expected to write...thanks for reading :)**

Chapter Twenty Four

_Tamlin_

I remembered clearly the day Rhysand showed up at my door after Solstice and I asked if Feyre would ever forgive me and then proceeded to ask if he would ever forgive me. It was shortly after his first visit to rub it in my face that I'd lost everything and how clever Feyre was for having destroyed all I'd worked so hard to build. It had been a particularly bad day, one of many bad days, and having him see me that lost and broken made it all the worse. It started out to be a good day, or as good as my days could be after Feyre turned everyone against me, but it all went downhill after I killed the large elk. As I carried it back to the manor my mind wandered to thoughts I tried to bury deep within my mind. Usually when I was successful on a hunt, I would share my bounty with the poorer families in the villages nearby, but this time I had no one to share it with, and that thought dragged me under as I started to skin the elk.

Rhysand swept into the manor with such arrogance that when I later thought back on him using his power to skin and butcher the elk, it made me sick to my stomach. I didn't eat the elk meat as he commanded. Instead I fed it to the pigs to fatten them up and left the rest for scavengers to carry off in the night. I often wonder if he thought I should feel grateful to him for cutting my meat while casually telling me I could waste away and die after the new world had been sorted out.

I didn't feel a single shred of gratitude for what he thought he'd done for me in those moments. Not one tiny bit. And that was the day when the love I felt for Feyre died. I didn't hate her, or at least I didn't think I hated her, but if I never saw her again I would count myself as one of the luckiest males alive. If only Lucien could have a similar moment of clarity the way I had about Feyre and Rhysand, he'd see that Elian was not the right female for him and save himself a lot of heartache.

I imagined them patting themselves on the back for sending Tarquin's soldiers to the crumbled Wall, considering themselves to be the saviors of Prythian for their pathetic efforts. Nonetheless, I used his soldiers to rebuild the Wall and also had Tarquin call upon soldiers from the other Courts to aide in our efforts, all except the Night Court. We worked night and day hauling heavy rock to the Wall to be shaped and fitted to leave no gaps anywhere along the border. When it was finished, I infused it with some of my power along with power from Tarquin and every other High Lord of the Celestial Courts and the High Lords from the Dawn and Day Courts as well. Dawn, Day, Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall all accounted for, and when Tarquin asked about infusing power from the Night Court into the Wall for added strength, I sent him away along with every single soldier. Maybe I was being petty, but they didn't help rebuild the Wall, and I refused to let them swoop in and claim it as another victory for the Night Court.

Before Tarquin left he pulled me aside to advise me on how to grovel and prostrate to even the lowest of faeries to show that I'd been humbled by my fall. Of course he used flowery words like _charm_ and _blandish_ to soften how I might react to his advice. I told him to get the hell off my land and never come back. Lucien had given nearly the same advice after Rhysand barged in uninvited before Solstice, and again I told him to leave and dropped off all his belongings on his front door the next day.

When Lucien almost died, my whole way of thinking about things changed. I no longer saw him as the male who'd left me when I needed his friendship the most. I saw him as my best friend who was flawed much in the same way as I was flawed. Feyre had used his mate bond with Elian to weasel him into keeping her secrets as she worked her way through my Court planting seeds of hate and loathing for me. And the more I thought about the night I found her wrapped in his arms wearing nothing but skimpy lingerie, the more I wondered if she wanted me to seriously hurt him to break our bond of friendship forever. She above all Fae knew about how explosive my temper had become after Under the Mountain, and with that intimate knowledge she had to realize the danger she was putting Lucien in and didn't care. She'd seen the look on my face and the beginnings of my claws poking from beneath my skin, and she walked into her own bedroom where her sheets were a tangled mess, shutting the door behind her, leaving me to decide Lucien's fate. It took every ounce of strength I possessed to walk away without beating the hell out of Lucien maybe killing him in my rage, and I had no doubt now she listened from her side of the door.

Hatred for her and what she'd done to ruin me blossomed within my heart and burned through me. I'd never allowed myself to hate her before Lucien's near death experience, never opened myself up to feeling the full brunt of what she'd done to me. I always reminded myself of the things I'd done and how I deserved everything I'd endure because of her.

I didn't deserve what she did to me.

Cruel and wicked were the best words to describe the High Bitch of the Night Court. And as my hatred for her swelled, my guilt lessened and it felt good to forgive myself for actions I took to keep her safe when she was my true enemy. I didn't need her forgiveness or Rhysand's when the only person who really mattered still considered me his friend.

"It's good that you've begun to forgive yourself," Lilianna said from behind me, and I turned in my seat at the table to study the sheer burgundy dress with a plunging neckline trimmed in tiny glittering gold stones I'd created for her to wear. Her creamy skin shimmered as it caught the light, and the intricate braids with golden leaves woven through them gathered at the back of her head to accentuated the pointed ears of the glamour I'd placed on her. She grinned and twirled around in place. "Do I pass inspection, High Lord?" she added, golden brown eyes lighting up with an unnatural glow marking as High Fae instead of human.

"Has Lucien seen you yet?" I asked, eyes trailing to the thigh high slits trimmed in more golden stones that to exposed a good portion of her upper thighs when she twirled around for me. "If not, put on the matching cloak before he does."

"I haven't seen him since last night." She shook her head and sighed. "You have forgiven yourself, right?" she said as she picked up the cloak that hung on the back of the chair. She put it on and fastened the golden leaf closure to hide the very revealing dress beneath it. "You don't look as burdened by the past as you usually do."

"I hate her," I stated, and felt relief to be able to say what I felt aloud. "I never let myself feel hatred toward her for the things she did to destroy me and my Court. Anger, yes, but never hatred. I never did anything with the intent to harm her, any yet she came into my home with the sole intent to wage a silent war against me. She used Lucien, purposely touching him and giving him coy glances to set me up for the night she went to his room to make it appear as if they'd just slept together. I was so angry that night I could've ripped him apart, and I seriously doubt she ever apologized to him for what she did and what could've happened if I hadn't dug deep to find the strength to walk away." I let loose a heavy breath and the tension eased from my shoulders. "She, with the help of Ianthe, goaded me into having one of my sentries whipped, and her intention was to play nursemaid to him afterwards while my men watched so they would turn against me and adore her. She _wanted _me to whip him, waited and planned for it. She knew he was innocent yet she sacrificed him in her goal to hurt me as much as possible. It begs the question of how many more Fae from my Court would've felt her wrath if she hadn't gotten the information she wanted?" I looked up at her and held her gaze for a long moment. "There is something truly wicked that resides within her soul, something so dark and sinister I don't think you'll ever be able to make her see the wrongs she's committed much less hear her admit blame for anything."

"No, she doesn't feel guilt for what she's done," she said, pulling out the chair to take a seat at the table. "She feels as if everything she did was justified, and that makes my job difficult." She gestured to me and smiled. "They told me you would be the easier task to accomplish – if I could somehow help mend your broken heart you'd be strong enough to rebuild the Spring Court and the friendships that you'd lost."

"They really are perfect for each other – Rhysand and Feyre." I didn't want to think too long or hard about how Lucien could have died. If I dwelled on those moments when his blood covered my hands as I tried to heal his wounds, I would start to question how much her Higher Beings had been involved in the Barghest attack. They'd maneuvered Azriel where they wanted him to be, so it stood to reason that they could've set up the entire attack to make me realize how much Lucien meant to me. "They're equally narcissistic and arrogant. They can't see beyond themselves and their superiority to realize other Courts had a hand in winning the war with Hybern. If you ever get the chance to ask them how the war was won, I guarantee you they'll go on and on about how they did this and that while making concessions to the _lesser _Courts to assure a victory. It was a war that was fought and won by all the Courts, and while I freely recognize their efforts to beat Hybern as does every other Court, they only see what they did to accomplish their goal."

"How would you go about making peace between your Court and hers?" she asked, settling back into her seat. "The bitterness you feel toward the two of them is deep-rooted and to a certain extent is justified, but if you are ever going to move forward without their shadow hanging over your head, you are going to have to find a way to free yourself from the past."

"Feyre would have to openly admit the wrongs she committed while she played at being a spy in my Court, and she would have to apologize to Lucien for using him to goad me into a jealous rage that could've easily gotten him killed." I shook my head and laughed at the notion of Feyre ever admitting any wrongdoing. "Her vengeful heart will never allow her to see herself as anything other than righteous." I leaned forward to rest my forearms on the table and clasped my hands. "She would have everyone believe I am an abusive male, but if you really examine what the term abusive means then I would have to say I have been abused by her since she decided she no longer loved me. Perhaps not physical abuse, but she has her mate to make those threats." I took several moments to gather my thoughts before I continued. "No, she preferred mental abuse to physical abuse. She assassinated my character to isolate me from any friends I once had in my Court along with every other Court. She goaded me into doing things and then blamed me for them. She came between me and the Fae I depended on the most, and then shut me out of her life as well. The humans call it dehumanizing – the way she made me feel like I was nothing and how she crushed my spirit and every spark of happiness and joy I had in me. All this was done to turn everyone against me and she felt nothing but happiness in taking away every single shred of the life I once had."

"Mental abuse is every bit as harmful as physical abuse, and I promise you that before I die she will come to understand that her revenge was not only wrong but also abusive in nature," she promised, reaching across the table to rest her hand atop mine. "I need you to take care of Lucien when I'm gone. He's going to be angry that he couldn't save me, and I need you to make sure he doesn't do anything foolish."

"You should tell him how you feel, Lili," I said, giving her the same advice as I'd given Lucien the night before. "He has the right to know that you're in love with him."

"He has a mate and I am going to die," she said, pulling her hand away from mine. "What point would there be in asking him to choose me over her when I know he will always choose her?"

"If you weren't going to die would you fight for his love?" I said, scratching at my jaw as I contemplated her response. "Would you make him see that whether you're his mate or not you are the perfect female for him?"

"I am the perfect female for him," she said without a hint of doubt in her tone or expression. "Ours will be a sad story of love and loss, and some will say it was unrequited love that caused the girl in the story to die and blame the male for not seeing that if he only could've been stronger and defied the Cauldron he could've saved her. It'll be your task to share with them that the girl in the story had already accepted her fate and that death was her only option."

"Are you saying that –"

"It's only a story, Tam," she cut in, winking at me. "Everyone interprets stories differently, and if our story ever was whispered around a fire, there would be females who would want these two lost souls to defy the odds and find happiness together." She waved a hand dismissively. "I wasn't tasked to bring them together before I die again, but perhaps I will take pity on him and help with his endeavors to win his mate's heart."

"Then you and I will be at odds in that endeavor as there is no way in hell that I am going to let him live a life of misery with her."

"They could be very happy together."

"They won't be."

"But they could."

"Not when his heart belongs to the girl who left him when she should have fought to stay." Bracing my hands against the table, I pushed to my feet. "That is the story I will tell, and you will not be looked upon favorably by those who hear the tale."

Before she could respond, I walked away to go get dressed for the meeting with the mortal queen. If I'd stayed much longer, I would've told her what I really thought of her Higher Beings and the tasks they sent her back to accomplish. What she failed to understand about her quest to bring happiness into my life and also bring peace between the Night and Spring Courts was that if she succeeded I would be the villain in her life story and would be responsible for her second death. How would I ever be able to face Brie with that kind of guilt gnawing at my insides? And how would Lucien ever get over the girl who brought fun back into his long life?

Thankfully Lucien's dark mood matched my own, and he only grunted a response when I told him to get out so I could change. Neither of us spoke during the walk to the castle, but from the way Lucien glared at Azriel as he and Lilianna chatted about her death and what it felt like to know she'd be returning to the Beyond soon, I decided to keep a close eye on him. Azriel didn't seem to feel the stark rage directed at him or if he did he felt confident enough in his warrior abilities to keep his back to Lucien.

If he noticed she wore the colors of the Autumn Court – a dress that matched his burgundy tunic with fine strands of golden woven into the fabric, he failed to mention it to me. However once he saw the very revealing dress hidden beneath the cloak she wore, I would be in for an earful. The mortal queen would see Lilianna as his consort and not as the sister of the woman in her dungeon. I would have to remind him repeatedly that I could've dressed her in black and silver to match Azriel and hopefully that would stall his anger.

When we arrived at the castle, one of her servants informed us that the queen would not be able to make time for us until after dinner. Hours after the appointed time of our meeting. We'd already waited seven days – seven days wherein Brie had been a prisoner in the dungeon where Lucien almost died. Seven days of toying with us and making us wait to prove how powerful she was.

No, I wouldn't wait another second. I transformed into a beast, towering over the guard, and growled exposing lethally sharp fangs. He stumbled back several steps and I advanced, flexing my paws to give him a good view of my claws. With lightning fast reflexes, I caught hold of him by the neck and lifted him off his feet.

"The High Lord of the Spring Court will not be treated as common rabble at the whim of a spoiled child queen," Lucien warned. "You will announce us now or we will return to the Spring Court and any hope she has of marrying the High Lord will be lost." When the terrified male nodded, I dropped him on the black and white marbled floor. "She has five minutes. No more – maybe less depending on how angry my High Lord is about her constant game of making us wait."

"I'll speak to her at once," the lanky guard uttered, rushing off down a long hallway leading to the arched double doors of the throne room.

I transformed again, brushed a hand down the forest green tunic I'd chosen for the occasion and touched my fingers to the golden crown of laurel leaves encrusted with emeralds nestled above my pointed ears, to straighten it. "Remove your cloak, Lili."

She unclasped the golden leaf holding the cloak closed and slipped it off her shoulders. The cloak vanished as Lucien grabbed for it and Azriel chuckled at how red his face had become within a matter of seconds. His golden eye whizzed as his russet one slowly traveled down the length of the sheer dress, pausing briefly at the swell of her breasts then followed the deep V neckline to her navel. He swallowed hard.

"Glamour a different dress now," he said, eyes lingering on her shapely legs laid bare by the high slits in the dress. "She looks like a –"

"Watch what you say about the Divine One," Azriel warned, resting his hand on the hilt of the knife he called Truth-Teller. If Lucien hadn't been so angry he would have realized the shadowsinger's only intent was to protect her from any harm. Something akin to adoration and devotion warmed his hazel eyes as he looked upon her. Not love, but something more. All their private conversations had led him to believe she was a divine creature and he had taken it upon himself to be her protector until she died. "If you ever speak to her –"

"It's all right, Az," Lilianna said, resting a hand on his muscular arm. "Lucien is entitled to his opinion." The sudden slap across his face caught more than just him off guard. My eyes widened and Azriel laughed at the incredulous look on Lucien's face as he rubbed at his cheek. "Just as I am entitled to slap him for insinuating that I look like a whore."

"I would suggest you keep anymore comments about her to yourself," Azriel said between laughs.

"Can I have a word with you in private, Lili," Lucien gritted out, grasping hold of her hand to pull her away from us.

I watched them speaking in whispered voices in one of the brightly lit alcoves, and it was on the tip of my tongue to yell out to him that with a dress as sheer as her was, it was probably best if he found a darker place to have a talk with her about appropriate attire. It didn't take him long to figure it out for himself, not with every guard stationed at the entrance staring at every curve the sheer material failed to hide. When our meeting with the queen ended, and he demanded to fight me for her honor, I would allow him at least one blackened eye and maybe a fat lip for not anticipating the brightness of the queen's castle.

At the look of defeat registering on his face, I took pity on him and changed the sheer material that would've been beneficial for the role she was playing, to an opaque burgundy dress with a less revealing neckline but kept the thigh high slits.

"The queen will not believe she is his plaything dressed so modestly," Azriel pointed out, watching their heated debate likely with the hope of being able to pummel Lucien into the ground. "If Rhys was here, he wouldn't have buckled under to spare Lucien some discomfort. You had a good plan to protect Lili from garnering too much scrutiny from the queen. You should've stuck to it regardless of his feelings on the matter."

"But I'm not Rhys," I said keeping an eye on the arched door at the end of the hallway, "and my best friend's feelings matter to me more than what some mortal queen believes or doesn't believe."

"When this plan fails, which it likely will, it will be because of what you just did for Lucien's sake." A slow smile spread across his face. "Of course that would put all the blame squarely on your shoulders as I am warning you on Rhysand's behalf to change the dress back to its original form in an attempt to save Lilianna's sister."

I hated that he was right. If she didn't look the part of his plaything, the queen would take notice of her. It wasn't uncommon for High Fae to bring their consorts with them when they traveled, and not even a queen would question the presence of a High Fae's consort at a meeting. If I switched the dress back Lucien would never forgive me, but there wasn't any other – yes, there was and it would infuriate Azriel which made it perfect.

With a wave of my hand, the guards' eyes glazed over, and the glamour I placed on Lilianna transformed into something entirely different. Lucien jerked back away from her, eyed her for a long moment then grinned at me.

"Not funny, Tamlin," Azriel growled, looking from the perfect likeness of Feyre dressed in her favorite shade of black to me. "Turn her back into Lucien's plaything right now."

"Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that." I waved a hand at Lilianna, and she clapped for a job well done. "It stands to reason that since Rhysand accepted this offer of marriage on my behalf, his mate would come along with her Illyrian bodyguard to make certain I didn't screw up and ruin their plans to see Brie die." I bobbed my head at Lilianna and she twirled around to model her Illyrian leather top accented with what appeared to be black scales overlapping each other. Tight leather pants completed the look for the High Lady of Night, and I congratulated myself for paying attention to detail on the whorls of her tattoos and the dark coal liner framing her blue-gray eyes. "You'll notice she's prepared for battle because _our_ Feyre is the force that won the war against Hybern, and you'll be pleased to know she's wearing Illyrian leather lingerie beneath her battle gear because – well, Rhysand is a kinky bastard."

"He'll kill you if he finds out you've paraded Lilianna around as Feyre," he warned, scarred fingers twitching on the hilt of Truth-Teller.

"I think it's a brilliant plan," Lucien said, walking back to where we stood with Lilianna at his side. He bobbed his head at the guard returning to take us to see the queen, and added, "You should make him believe it was Feyre with us all long." I used the same magic I'd used on Feyre's family to make them believe she had gone to stay with a wealthy aunt and that their wealth had been restored to make him believe Feyre had been with us instead of Lucien's plaything.

"The queen will see you now," the guard said, casting a brief glance at Lilianna. "Follow me," he turned on his heel, and led us to the throne room, leaving us at the entranceway after announcing us to Queen Clarissa.

Lucien leaned in and whispered, "That is not the woman I spoke to when I requested a visit with Brie."

"The female you met was likely one of her attendants." I followed his gaze to the rotund female who had somehow managed to squeeze into what would normally be considered a roomy wooden throne. I looked from her plump, badly pockmarked face to Azriel and let loose a low growl. He smirked and shrugged a shoulder. The wooden throne groaned as she leaned forward to rake her muddy brown eyes over my body, and her thin lips, the only thing that could be considered thin about her, curled into a smile.

"You will do nicely," she said, meeting my gaze. "A pretty little thing to sit at my side as I rule my territory."

I leaned closer to Azriel, and whispered, "I am going to kill Rhysand."

"Yes, he is very pretty," Azriel said, grinning at me before he moved forward into the grand throne room, leaving us to trail behind him. Her guards paled as the shadowsinger walked past them, and stood as still as the beautifully carved statues lining the hunter green walls. We came to a stop before the wide fanning stairs of the dais, and he bowed low before her as did Lucien and Lilianna. "Your grace, it is my honor to introduce Tamlin, High Lord of the Spring Court, to you."

"Your High Lord refuses to bow before a queen?" Her long pointed nails dug into the intricately carved wood of her throne.

"A High Lord does not bow to anyone," I said, and feigned a yawn as if I found her tiresome.

"The other High Lord bowed when I gave him an audience," she countered, and my eyes caught on the row of polished onyx buttons straining to hold in her stomach and breasts. How someone managed to not only help her into the full red skirt and matching floor length bodice with gold filigree that appeared to be two sizes too small for her, but also buttoned it up defied logic.

"Not surprising." I smirked. "The other High Lord loves to be dominated by powerful women. Isn't that true, Feyre?"

The queen's attention diverted to Lilianna, and Lilianna tilted her chin defiantly. "Feyre Cursebreaker," she said, looking her up and down, and scrunched her crooked, dimpled nose in distaste. "From the stories I've heard about you I expected more." She clucked her tongue. "How utterly disappointing."

Azriel bared his teeth at the insult directed at his High Lady. "It would be wise to tread carefully when speaking to her, Clarissa. She has fought far more powerful creatures than you, and walked away victorious."

"We are not here to trade insults," Lilianna said, resting a hand on Azriel's arm to calm him. "My mate promised you a husband in exchange for a trial to prove the human girl is guilty of murdering her uncle." She waved a hand at me, and sighed. "Pathetic as he is, he is still a High Lord, and while I feel as if we are getting the better end of the bargain, you will benefit from the land he owns and his considerable wealth."

"Ahh…yes, I had heard there is no love lost between the two of you, and yet you made the journey to make certain the girl is tried and executed for her crime." Her gaze traveled from Lilianna to Lucien. "You killed my Barghest." She lifted a hand as he opened his mouth to speak. "Explain to me why you were visiting a prisoner that you claim you want to see executed?"

"Her sister asked me to check on her," he answered truthfully, and shrugged. "While I follow the commands of the High Lord of Spring, I believe the girl is innocent and when there is a trial I will plead her case."

"Did you know of this, High Lord?" She lifted a brushy brow. "Isn't it considered treason in your Court to go against your wishes to help an enemy?"

"The girl is not my enemy," I corrected, glaring at Lilianna as if she was Feyre and I loathed the sight of her. "To bring peace between our Courts Feyre and Rhysand offered me the opportunity to marry a mortal queen and I accepted. Had I known of your beauty at that point, I would've accepted with more enthusiasm."

"Lucien will try and fail to save the girl," Lilianna said, and Azriel nodded in agreement. "If his High Lord chooses to indulge this whim of his, I do not object."

Clarissa tapped at her pale lips as she considered Lucien's request then gave a curt nod. "You may plead her case if you so choose, but if you do the High Lord of Spring must do everything within his power to find her guilty."

"That sounds fair to me," Lilianna said, a devious smile pulling at her lips. "Is there any other requests you may have, Lucien?"

"None that I can think of at the moment," he said as we needed to wait until the last moment to call for a trial of her peers. "But I am reserving the right to make requests at a later time."

"We will see what requests you make and if I'll allow them when the time comes," Clarissa said, and the throne groaned under the burden of her weight as she lounged against the red cushioned backrest. "Now that we've settled that, do you accept my proposal to join our lands when we become man and wife?"

"I can't think of anything I'd rather do," I said, forcing a smile to my face.

"Good," she said, returning my smile. "Once we are married I will set a date for the trial."


	25. Chapter 25

**Thanks for reading and for the really great reviews. I've read them over and over again...:)**

Chapter Twenty Five

_Lucien_

I would never forget the look on Tamlin's face when Queen Clarissa said she wouldn't set a date for the wedding until they were married. The forced smile slipped from his face taking with it any hint of happiness he had left in him. His emerald green eyes dulled to a swampy green hue and his shoulders sagged from the heavy weight of her words. Utterly defeated by another female, a rippled of his rage shook the foundation of the castle.

He didn't say a word, merely gave a subtle nod before he turned and walked out of the throne room, leaving us to follow while Azriel stayed behind to make arrangements for the wedding. The ground beneath our feet trembled and windows shattered in our wake as we headed outside. Thunder rumbled and lightning splayed and forked across the darkening sky as his anger and despair crested. A loud _crack _reverberated throughout the land, and I quickly grabbed Lilianna and yanked her away as a second bolt of lightning struck an old oak tree only a few feet away from us. Sparks and heavy branches rained down where she had been walking only a second before. So close – too damn close. Another louder _crack _and the top half of the tree dropped to the ground as fire sparked to life inside the jagged remains of the tree. i waved a hand and gutted the fire before it spread to nearby trees.

"Tamlin, stop!" I growled the order and the glamour of Feyre melted away leaving Lilianna herself once more. Tamlin kept walking in long strides as I went on to say, "I know you're angry, but if you keep giving in to blind rage then you're no better than what Feyre thinks you are."

He stopped walking and lowered his head. "They are responsible for this – Feyre and Rhysand…they are the ones who had Brie imprisoned and now the only way to have a chance to save her is to marry that _female_. I might as well be dead if my only option in life is to marry some mortal queen who only thinks of me as a _pretty little thing._ She didn't see me as a powerful High Lord or even as a man. I would be nothing more than a sex toy for her, and I cannot stomach the thought of that."

"Then we'll forgo the trial and break her out of the queen's prison," I said, sounding more confident than I felt about going back down into the blind labyrinth. "Once we've freed her and are back in the Spring Court, we will call a meeting of all the High Lords and reveal that the Dream Weaver now resides with the High Lord of Spring."

"I will not use Brie as a weapon to cause other High Lords to fear us. That would make us no better than Rhysand using his mind control to frighten other Courts into bending to his will."

"Then a meeting with just Rhysand and Feyre," I said, glancing at Lilianna and nudging my head at him for her to speak up and agree with me. Of course this was the one time she chose to remain silent. "With Brie at your side, you will be on equal footing with Rhys. With your strength and her abilities he won't be able to sabotage the meeting with scare tactics. And our first demand will be that he can no longer use his mind control on you or any High Fae or lesser faerie residing in the Spring Court."

"How would we enforce that rule?" Tamlin's eyes narrowed on the entrance of the castle as Azriel strode through the double doors. "He enjoys the power he holds over every Fae in Prythian too much to just give it up."

"If he wants Brie to remove the trigger in Feyre's mind he will," Lilianna said.

"He would have to agree to a trigger on his own mind," I added, keeping an eye on the shadows curling around Azriel. "That's how we will enforce the rule of no tampering with any Fae's mind. If anyone in your Court falls prey to mind control, it will set off the trigger."

"Even if he did buckle under and agree to a trigger placed on his mind, I would not," Tamlin said, stubbornly refusing to see how beneficial it would be to have a pact with Rhysand that he couldn't break once Feyre was free from danger. "There cannot be peace without some shred of trust between both parties. If he agrees to our conditions, it will be up to us to take the first step and free Feyre and trust him to keep his word."

"And if he doesn't?" I said.

"Then at least we tried to bring peace between our Courts," he said, looking to Lilianna and she nodded in agreement with him.

"My sister would not agree to use her powers on anyone unless she felt her life or someone she cared about was in danger," Lilianna added. "But if he broke his oath to not use his mind control on anyone in Tamlin's Court, she would see that as intent to do harm and would respond accordingly."

"What the two of you are failing to take into consideration is that someone could be under his control and we wouldn't know it until it was too late. This Fae could get close to Brie and kill her."

Azriel approached before either of them could respond, and this was not a discussion any of us wanted him privy to. Maybe he was helping us in our quest to save Brie from being executed, but he wasn't doing it out of the kindness of his heart, and it didn't sit well with him to go against Rhysand's plans for eliminating Brie. Given the opportunity, he would gladly betray our shaky truce even if it angered the Higher Beings.

"There will be a grand ball tonight." Azriel slowed to a stop in front of us and folded his arms across his chest. "A masked ball," he added, and I cringed. Tamlin's face showed no sign of the rage he must've felt at the reminder of the years we spent wearing masks as part of Amarantha's curse. "The wedding, which will be in three days, will be announced tonight. Since Lucien spoke up in defense of the Dream Weaver and you said she wasn't your enemy, Clarissa is suspicious of your motives. She said to tell you that if you do not attend the masked ball, Brie will be put to death in the morning."

"I guess we are going to a masked ball tonight," Tamlin gritted out, winnowing away before Azriel could impart any more bad news.

I caught hold of Lilianna's arm as Azriel opened his mouth to speak, pulled her into my arms, and winnowed away before he talked her into spending the rest of the day learning about the fascinating upbringing of an Illyrian warrior. I'd had enough of their deep conversations about what came next for Fae and humans alike as well as their talks on mundane topics such as how Illyrians differed from High Fae. Maybe I was being selfish trying to monopolize the time she had left, but I didn't care. I needed to stockpile away as many memories of her as I possibly could for the very long years ahead of me.

We reappeared at the Starlight Pool mere feet from the blanket and picnic basket I'd prepared and set out earlier that morning. With a wave of my hand, the shield protecting it from creatures lurking in the forest vanished, and I gestured for her to take a seat.

"Did you just abduct me?" she said, making herself comfortable on the blanket. "If so there are laws against that kind of thing."

"There are some things that are worth breaking the law to have," I said as I unbuttoned my tunic and shrugged it off my shoulders. The tunic fell to the ground in a heap, and her eyes lingered on it for several long moments then she looked up at my loose fitting white shirt. "I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to spend any time with you at all I'd have to become a thief and steal you away from everyone."

"Shouldn't we be making plans with Tamlin to break Brie out of the dungeon?" she said, suddenly finding the woven picnic basket utterly fascinating. "We don't have time for a picnic, Lucien."

"It'll take a lot less time to eat lunch and take a swim with me than to walk back to the inn alone." I dropped down onto my knees, and opened the basket to pull out two glasses and a bottle of sweet berry wine. "I've put a lot of thought into the memory of me that I want you to keep with you always, and it's not spending the day with Tamlin or Azriel. So we're going to eat this damn lunch and take a swim, okay?"

She peeked into the basket and frowned. "I thought you said we were having lunch, but you only packed desserts."

"Since I learned of your love of all things sweet in nature, I decided that dessert should be the only meal of the day."

"I don't eat just sweets," she said as she pulled a flaky lemon tart out of the basket and took a bite. Eyes lighting up, she licked the lemon filling from her lips. "I like other food as well," she added between bites.

"You're being purposefully difficult." Pouring two glasses of wine, I handed her one, and took a long swallow of my drink. "I ordered every single dessert in the basket with you in mind. If you'll notice, the pie is mixed berry not apple as you hate apple pie but could eat a whole mixed berry pie by yourself – your words not mine. You love lemon tarts because they remind you of your father. You used to help your mother make them for him and he would always split his third one with you. You only had chocolate covered strawberries once at a party your family attended before the truth came out about Brie, but you swore from that night onward that you'd die happy if you knew for certain the Beyond place had mountains of chocolate covered strawberries to eat whenever you wanted." I reached into the basket, pulled out a small round cake with chocolate icing, and set it down in front of her. "And last but certainly not least, a birthday cake to celebrate your special day."

Her full dewy soft lips dipped into a frown, and my eyes trailed to the sapphire necklace around her slender neck. A gift from Azriel. "My birthday was two days ago."

"Why did you accept a gift from Azriel? Have you forgotten your sister is locked in a dungeon awaiting a death sentence because of his High Lord? If he didn't believe his High Lady would die if she dies, he would be actively working to see Brie dead."

"It was my birthday." She averted her eyes but not before I saw tears welling in them. "It was the last birthday I'm ever going to have. Maybe it wasn't important enough for you to remember, but –"

"I'm sorry," I cut in, a terrible ache spreading through me. I'd hoped to make it up to her – hoped she'd see that I hadn't meant to forget her birthday. I should've known better. I missed my only chance to celebrate her the way she deserved to be celebrated, and my pathetic attempt to make up for my mistake only served to upset her. "I know you well enough to never buy you expensive jewelry…I wanted to show you that while I may be a real jerk sometimes, I do care about you." I waved a hand at the silvery water and the picnic basket. "I could've bought you something pretty and meaningless, instead I chose to give you a memory that I hope will never fade or be left behind when you pass away again."

She considered my apology a long moment then pushed up off the blanket. "I forgive you," she said, yet her frown remained. "Other than the picnic, I don't see how this memory will be much different from the last time we came to the pool."

"You're forgetting that I mentioned taking a swim together."

"We did that the last time, too."

"No, as I recall the moment I got in the water you got out." I stood and turned to face the woods. "You have ten seconds to get undressed and in get in the water before I turn around."

"Ten seconds isn't –"

"Ten…nine …eight…." As I started counting, I shucked off my boots and shed my clothes. As I said _four_ I heard the fabric of her dress rip. I chuckled lightly. "If you needed help, you should've asked."

"My dress is ruined," she complained, but I heard the smile in her voice.

"I guess you can borrow my shirt for the trip back." I sighed heavily as if it was a great imposition on me.

"How chivalrous of you," she drawled, and I heard a splash behind me. "You can come in now."

"Are you –"

"Yes, I have my back to you. I am a delicate female after all and I fear your dangling man parts would give me a fright," she giggled, and I turned to find her swimming to the other side of the pool.

I dove into the pool and swam under the water to her. Grasping hold of her ankles, I yanked her under the warm silvery water. Letting go of her ankles, my fingers traced a path up her legs to her hips. I intended to lifted her up and toss her into the water, but her arms circled my neck, and I slid upward to press my body flush with hers. Together we breached the surface of the water. Her tongue darted out to drag along her lower lip to lick away the droplets of water, drawing my eyes to their lush fullness. My stomach muscles tightened and my body hardened in response, but she didn't seem to notice.

Of course she didn't.

Why would she?

"You really never kissed a male before?" I whispered huskily. "If not I want your first kiss to be my gift to you for your birthday…."

"A kiss – my gift?" Anger sparked in her golden-brown eyes. Her arms snaked up between us, and she pressed her hands against my chest to push me away. "Had you just kissed me in the heat of the moment that would've been one thing – but no, you made it sound as if you're doing me some great favor. When I told you I'd never kissed anyone before I died, I wasn't asking you to take pity on me."

"I wasn't – forget I mentioned it, okay?" I uttered roughly, a scream of frustration lodged in my throat. I'd been a fool to listen to Tamlin's advice from the night before. I'd planned it perfectly – a romantic setting, a picnic basket full of her favorite desserts, a causal swim in the pool that hopefully would lead to something more, and she shut me down cold. "We should head back to the inn. Tamlin's probably furious that we didn't follow him."

Muttering curses under my breath, I started to swim toward the other side of the pool. I didn't look back to see if she was behind me until I heard garbled screaming and several splashes. I whipped around to find her and saw only her hands slapping the water. Heart pounding hard in my chest, I dove under the water and swam to her. The gray, iridescent skin of a water-wraith caught my eye shimmering in the liquid silver pool. Its webbed fingers were gripped tight around Lilianna's ankles, jagged nails biting into her flesh to keep her submerged until she drowned. Long black hair floated around her as she sized up her prize. I recognized her from the day of the Tithe when Feyre handed over her jewels to offer up to Tamlin as payment for his protection and use of his lakes and the food they scavenged from the water, and it briefly crossed my mind that Feyre and Rhysand might have sent her to repay the debt by killing Brie's sister.

Lilianna kicked frantically trying to free herself from the wraith's steely grip, to no avail. I attacked, kicking and punching the wraith in a useless attempt to free Lilianna. The water softened every blow and kick, and for a split second I thought of my weapons sitting idle on the grass with my clothes. It would take too long to get to them and swim back to the wraith. The wraith wrapped her slimy body around Lilianna and squeezed tight, forcing the air from Lilianna's lungs. Hundreds of silvery bubbles burst from her mouth, but there wasn't a hint of panic in her eyes as she looked at me and mouthed the words _swim, Lucien._

She wanted me to leave her to die – to save myself. Anger raged through me, and I gripped a hold of the wraith. My nails dug into her black eyes until grayish jelly spurted from them. Her screams echoed under the water. Blinded, she let go of Lilianna and groped at where her eyes had been. Lilianna pressed her feet against the ground, and pushed herself toward the surface with the last of her strength. The wraith's arm shot outward, and she caught hold of Lilianna's leg, pulling her back down. I wounded her, but she refused to let go of her prize.

She wouldn't let go.

Gripping my hands tight around the wraith's head, I yanked it hard to one side, and felt her neck snap, bone crushing against bone. Her webbed hand fell limply away from Lilianna's leg as her lifeless body sunk to the bottom of the pool. Sparing no time to think about what I'd done, I swam to Lilianna and dragged her along with me as I breached the surface of the pool.

She wasn't breathing.

Somehow I managed to get her out of the water in a blind fog of fear and panic, and gently set her on the grass. She didn't move – didn't breathe. Her eyes remained shut. My fingers trembled uncontrollably as I laid them on her on her chest, and tried to focus on drawing the water out of her lungs with my healing light.

"Breathe, Lili," I whispered, praying to her Higher Beings to give her more time. "Breathe, damn it!" Suddenly she coughed, water spewing from her mouth, and I rolled her over onto her side. "That's it, Lili, breathe for me. Don't you ever leave me again. Not ever. Do you understand me?"

"Lucien," she rasped, eyelids fluttering open as I continued to heal her lungs and body from drowning. "What happened?"

"I saved you – I'll always save you…."

"Not always," she whispered, shaking her head.

"Yes, always," I murmured, and to cut off any further protest from her, my lips captured hers in a lingering kiss. My heartbeat thundered in my ears as her fingers twined in my wet hair, and it would've been the perfect moment if I hadn't heard someone clear their throat behind me.

"Have you forgotten you have a mate waiting for you at home in Velaris?" Azriel said, his hazel eyes trailing down my naked body and then looked away without so much as a glance at Lilianna. "I doubt very much she would be pleased to hear her mate is fucking another female."

"It's not what it looks like," I uttered, scrambling to my feet, leaving Lilianna on the ground alone and exposed. "She nearly drowned and I –"

"You were breathing life back into her with your mouth on hers?" He lifted a brow in clear disbelief. "Do I look like a fool to you?"

My eyes fell shut and I breathed in a deep, calming breath. "Are you going to tell her? Please, don't tell her. I'll do anything you ask just don't tell her."

"Yes, don't tell her," Lilianna said, getting to her feet, and this time Azriel couldn't help himself from taking in all her glorious curves. "The kiss you thought you saw meant as little to him as it did to me." She strode away to the other side of the pool to get dressed, calling back over her shoulder, "Keep your eyes to yourself, shadowsinger."

Azriel grinned. "Perhaps I'll fight the Higher Beings and keep the little vixen for myself."

"She's too young for you," I muttered, hands balling into tight fists.

"Yes, but at some point she won't be," he pointed out, the grin never leaving his stupid face. "I love a female with fire in her veins, and perhaps the Higher Beings set her in my path as a gift – as a mate."

"If you ever lay one finger on her, I will kill you," I gritted out, keeping my eyes on Lilianna as she picked up my shirt and slipped it over her head.

"She has no idea what a temptress she is," he taunted, fueling my anger when he didn't even acknowledge my threat. "Did you see the way she boldly stared at me as she revealed her entire body for my eyes alone before she slipped on your shirt?"

"She wasn't looking at you," I corrected, shaking with tightly leashed anger.

"Again, you are forgetting you have a mate." He moved to stand beside me and rested a hand on my shoulder. "You should go get dressed before you embarrass yourself. I'll take Lili back to the inn."

"Are you going to tell Elian about this?" I muttered as Lilianna made her way around the pool.

"I haven't decided yet. I'll let you know after the masked ball which I will be escorting Lili to."

My chest constricted making it hard to draw in a deep breath. "How did you find us?"

"It's my job to find those who don't wish to be found," he said, moving past me to meet Lilianna halfway.

It took him less than a minute to convince her to leave with him, and for as long as I lived I would never forget the smirk on his face when he possessively slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her flush to his body. I didn't do anything – didn't say anything. I just stood there and watched them winnow away.

XxXxXx

Tamlin refused to ever wear another mask and extended that refusal to me as well. Never again would we be forced to endure even a few hours in a mask. That refusal didn't extend to Lilianna or Azriel and I silently thanked him for taking my side in the events that had transpired at the Starlight Pool. I'd told him the whole degrading story and to his credit he only winced when I explained how I begged Azriel not to tell Elian about the kiss. Not surprisingly Lilianna hadn't spoken a word to me since the moment I finally worked up the courage to return to the inn, and never looked my way once while she modeled the black and silver ball gown with matching black mask lined with glittering diamonds and adorned with feathers.

Wings tucked tight behind his back, Azriel dressed in his usual Illyrian fighting leathers but had donned a leather mask with glittering black jewels for the occasion that matched the jewels in the tiara nestled in Lilianna's hair. When I told Tamlin that Azriel would be Lilianna's escort, he merely gave a subtle nod and glamoured the beautiful sleeveless silver gown with black lace overlaying the bell of the skirt. She looked breathtaking with her thick hair falling in loose waves around her face, and I thought to tell her so, but before I could utter a word, Azriel complimented her.

The queen had sent a carriage for us, but Tamlin refused to accept a ride, unwilling to rush to his engagement party. So once again Tamlin and I trailed behind them dressed in similar black attire. We look like a mortal funeral procession, and Azriel said as much, but Tamlin vowed he would never wear the colors of Spring in Queen Clarissa's presence again and he wouldn't be swayed in his decision. Instead he chose the color of death – the color of night…the color of his enemies.

"They look stunning together," Tamlin whispered as we passed the sentries guarding the border of the castle. I spared Lilianna a glance, and muttered a curse. "Are you certain you want him to be her escort tonight?"

"If I said no could we put an end to this conversation right now?" Azriel's arm slid around Lilianna's waist, and a low growl rumbled in my throat. Azriel chuckled lightly because he knew – _he knew_ I would let his intimate touches slide to keep the kiss a secret. I started to turn around to head back to the inn, and only made it halfway round before Tamlin caught hold of my arm. "Let go of my arm, Tamlin."

"No," he said, shaking his head and as he did my black tunic transformed to forest green to match the deep, rich gown Lilianna now wore. In place of the black jeweled tiara a delicate wreath of Spring flowers adorned her head. She gasped and looked back at Tamlin. My body froze to my spot at the sight of her one golden mechanical eye and one golden brown one. "The kiss wasn't a mistake," he added in a whisper. "You went to the Starlight Pool for a reason – if you don't step up and be the male she deserves right now you're going to lose her."

"Lucien?" Lilianna said, touching her fingers to her golden eye, and I briefly wondered if she could see and hear the things I saw and heard with the use of the mechanical eye. If she did she would've heard my heart beating so hard and fast in my chest at the thought of turning my back on my mate for a short chance of happiness with a girl who wanted to die.

"Don't do it, Lucien," Azriel warned. "If you do, you will lose your mate. Elian will never accept you if chose Lili over your mate bond tonight."

"This is your chance to be free of that miserable mate bond," Tamlin said as if it was just that easy to turn my back on the mate the Cauldron had graced me with. He saw the panicked look in my eyes, and with a heavy sigh he shook his head. "She won't give you another chance. If you walk away now, you will lose her."

"I-I can't, Lili," I rasped, swallowing hard against the painful knot forming in my throat. My heart ached for her, yet I still clung to the bond forged in the Cauldron. "If I wasn't –"

"No need for long-winded explanations," she said with a watery smile, waving her hand dismissively. "Tamlin, would you," she gestured to the dress and once again it turned silver and midnight black. "Thank you." Without another word to me, she clasped hold of Azriel's badly scarred hand and walked away.

"Go back to the inn, Lucien," Tamlin said, resting a hand on my shoulder. "If you stay you will only end up coming to blows with Azriel before the night is over."

"No, I promised I would help rescue Brie and that's what I intend to do." I shirked free of his light grasp, and strode toward the castle in long strides.


	26. Chapter 26

**thanks for reading and a special thank you to those who have reviewed this story. I means so much to me. :)**

Chapter Twenty Six

_Tamlin_

Lucien left my side the moment we entered the castle to get familiarize with the castle's layout and where guards were posted. He'd brought a parchment of paper tucked into his tunic with a rough sketch of the castle's first and second floors to mark potential exits and where the guards were stationed. Once we knew where they were, we would take turns excusing ourselves with the excuse of getting some fresh air to disarm and incapacitate as many of them as possible before we rescued Brie. I also tasked him with finding out how to turn off the electrified bars of Brie's cell. If worse came to worse, I would yank them out with my bare hands, yet I hoped it wouldn't come to that. If we had to fight our way out of the castle I needed to be able to use my hands, and although my strength remained untouched, I wasn't certain if my healing abilities would work properly while on the castle grounds.

The glittering jewels adorning Lilianna's arms and fingers and even her mask and tiara served a dual purpose. First – to all who looked upon her finery, she would appear to be a wealthy High Fae of the Night Court. Second and most importantly – every single piece of jewelry would dissolve into a sleeping drought when added to liquid. Ianthe kept a store of various powders and poisons locked away inside the temple I had built for her use, and it was only after the war ended that I finally went inside to discover who the female I let into my home truly was. She'd cataloged her long list of male conquests, commenting on each one's ability to satisfy her in bed and it sickened me. I'd cringed when I came to Lucien's name circled in what appeared to be blood, and realized it was circled after he ran away with Feyre. Of all the males she had slept with, she wanted him the most and would've done anything to get him. I hated that I owed Feyre a debt of gratitude for getting him away from her before she used some sort of magic to bind him to her forever.

Amongst her possessions I found a large box of jewels, and only discovered they weren't real when I accidentally crushed one between my fingers. At the time I didn't cared if I lived or died so I tasted the power on my fingers. I woke up hours later with a terrible headache and the knowledge that she had likely drugged my men and me during her stay at the manor. No, not just likely – she had drugged me, and I clawed my name off her list when it struck me that I wasn't just a potential conquest. I scoured her personal journals and within those pages I learned the true extent of how many times she'd used various combinations of powders to elicit the responses she wanted from me. All it took was to slip something into my food or drinks to make me _willing_ to oblige her every fantasy.

All the horrible memories of those long and terrible weeks and months I spent after learning the truth came flooding back into my mind as I returned to Ianthe's temple to retrieve the box of phony jewels. I thought I could handle it – at some point as a coping mechanism my mind shut down and I actually started believing the lies I told myself about certain moments in the past, and I truly thought I'd buried the memory deep enough it couldn't hurt me anymore.

I threw up repeatedly when read what she wrote about me and couldn't keep food down for weeks afterward. I'd lost a considerable amount of weight which Rhysand undoubtedly noticed when he stopped by to rub my failures in my face and again when he came to offer help protecting the wall in the form of Tarquin. To keep those terrible secrets buried deep within my mind I focused on the dead elk and the utter loneliness of having no one to share it with and as I hoped it dragged me under to a dark place and thoughts of death and how it would save me. I made that memory about him and the elk not Ianthe, and threw myself into rebuilding the Wall as a way of coping with everything that had happened with Feyre, Rhysand and Ianthe.

It worked until I entered the temple again, and I gave in to the tears I'd kept locked inside for the longest time. I set fire to the temple before I returned to the inn, but the memories of those dark days followed me, and by the time I entered the grand ballroom I felt sick to my stomach. The sight of so many masked faces set me on edge which was Clarissa's intent. She wanted me to remember how helpless I had felt during Amarantha's reign and she succeeded.

I couldn't move – could scarcely breathe.

I stood frozen staring at the glittering masks of the males and females twirling around on the dance floor. From the size of the crowd milling around and dancing, she must have planned the masked ball before I even accepted her proposal, and it made the panic festering inside of me all the worse.

"Breathe, Tamlin," Lilianna whispered as she came to stand at my side and rested a hand on my arm. "There isn't a person in this room who can harm you. You are the powerful High Lord of the Spring Court and no one can take that away from you unless you let them."

"Give him another chance," I said instead of saying that they already had taken every shred of self worth I once had. "He's afraid of giving in to the love he feels for you. It's your fault though. If you didn't take every single opportunity to remind him you're going to die, he would've fought the mate bond to be with you."

"Love shouldn't have conditions placed upon it," she said, shaking her head. "How strong and deep is any man's love if it can only flourish when conditions are favorable?"

"Did the kiss mean anything to you?" I said, and a smile graced her face as she touched her fingers to her lips as if recalling the feel of his lips pressed against hers. "If you want him to give up his Cauldron given mate for the short time he will have you in his life then you will need to show him that you are the only female for him."

"If I did that he would grow to hate me for leaving him." Her eyes strayed to where Azriel leaned against the wall near the entranceway, and I grinned when I noticed how everyone gave him a wide berth, whispering about him without realizing he could hear every word they said. "I should go inform Azriel of the change of plans so he can help me spike the punch bowls."

I caught hold of her arm before she could walk away, and looked her in the eye. "Are you hoping Azriel will make him jealous enough that he'll tell Elain he has chosen you instead of her?"

"No, that's what Azriel is hoping will happen." She looked his way again, and he nudged his head for her to join him. "You've spied on him –"

"How do you know that?" I interrupted as trumpets began to sound announcing Clarissa'a arrival. "I never mentioned that to anyone other than Azriel and he wouldn't have told you."

Her eyes rolled up toward the beautifully detailed mural of winged males and females painted on the domed ceiling. The Higher Beings told her. "He is an honorable man and that means he won't act on his feelings for Elian as long as Lucien remains faithful to her. Since I explained about the creature in the water and how he had breathed life back into my body, the most he can say right now is that we were swimming in the pool naked and he saved my life."

"I hope you don't regret sabotaging your own happiness along with theirs for the sake of these Higher Beings of yours," I said, watching as the crowd parted for Clarissa and her entourage to make their way to the dais where her throne sat along with a plain wooden bench for me. Yet another attempt to humiliate me and also remind me of my time with Amarantha Under the Mountain. "Watch for Lucien. When he returns start adding the sleeping potion to the drinks," I added, looking from her to the humans filing through the entranceway to see the queen in the yards and yards of shimmering, hunter green fabric that made up her dress. Twice someone stepped on the long train trailing behind her, twice the humans responsible were escorted out of the ballroom by one of her guards, and as they were being led away another guard stopped Clarissa and whispered something in her ear. She patted his cheek and smiled before she continued walking toward the throne. "But first send Azriel out to clear the upper floors of any guards – remind him only to disable them and locked them away where they can't get out until after we've escaped with Brie."

"What about the guards on the first floor and the ones guarding the dungeon?" she whispered, bowing to Clarissa as she looked our way.

"I'll excuse myself after Azriel returns and work on ridding the lower level of the castle of any guards. When I return, Lucien will be responsible for clearing the guard station outside the dungeon." I gave a subtle nudged of my head at the table filled with crystal bowls filled with various drinks, and she nodded. "If we are going to get out of here without any bloodshed, we need as many humans as possible drinking the sleeping potion."

"What about the queen?" she said as Clarissa took her seat on the throne, and patted the bench for me to join her to watch the festivities. One look at the exquisite golden mask she wore embedded with emeralds shaped like the whorls of leaves and my knees went weak. Rhysand or Feyre must have told her in startling detail about the mask I had been forced to wear for forty-nine years. I scanned the crowd searching for Rhysand amongst the guests. "Focus, Tamlin." My attention snapped back to her. "How do we get her to drink the sleeping potion?"

"Do your job and let me worry about her."

I strode away from her, pushing my way through the crowd to go sit beside Clarissa. I took the stairs two at a time, and stood before her. Tilting her head from one side to the other and pursing her painted red lips as if appraising me, she sighed.

"It appears as if you've forgotten your mask, High Lord," she said, twirling her rich ebony hair around her finger. "Did your man servant forget to inform you that this is a masked ball?"

"Who told you about the mask I wore before the curse was lifted?"

She touched her fingers to the mask she wore, and smiled. "It is well known what style of mask you wore during those years, Tamlin. I ordered this to be made right after Rhysand accepted my proposal on your behalf."

"It is not well known," I gritted out, taking a seat beside her on the uncomfortable wooden bench. "Where is he? I know he's here somewhere."

She waved a hand and the music began to play – her way of dismissing me as if I was one of the servants quietly setting out trays of food while the wealthy guests laughed and danced and picked over the steaming trays of meat and vegetables. As I watched the servants dressed in dull grey uniforms working tirelessly for a queen who likely never paid them any attention unless it was to reprimand them, I realized they were no better off than the slaves the Fae of Prythian used to keep. Some of them even had bruises in various states of healing that couldn't be hidden beneath the short cuffed sleeves of their uniforms.

"You whip and beat your servants when they displease you," I said to draw her attention away from Azriel and Lilianna who were dancing at the edge of the dance floor near the drink tables. "I see bruises on several of them," I added, pointing to a petite, blonde-haired girl who appeared to be no older than Lilianna with dark welts littering her arms and legs. "What did the girl do to earn those hideous bruises?"

"That is none of your concern." She tilted her head to look me up and down. "I thought it was made clear to you that when we are married you will have no say whatsoever in how my queendom is run. You are nothing more than a pretty face to warm my bed at night and to sit quietly at my side while I hold court. Any punishments I dole out will be carried out without a word from you. Is that understood?"

"Yes, your majesty," I gritted out, plastering on a smile.

I understood clearly that a queen who ruled by invoking fear in her subjects didn't deserve to rule at all. My eyes flitted from the punch bowls to Lilianna and Azriel. If our plan succeeded her servants would be blamed for the spiked drinks. They carried them to the tables and refilled them when they were empty – would their punishment be any less our fault than Clarissa's? It reminded me of how Ianthe and Feyre worked toward the same goal of getting me to whip Darius, but for different reasons. I had wielded the whip, but their hands were on the leather bound handle as well for each and every lash across Darius' back.

The pain she inflicted upon them would be as if we inflicted it ourselves, and I couldn't stomach the thought of it. Pushing to my feet, I walked down the steps as Clarissa ordered me to sit back down beside her. The music stopped playing on a sour note as I strode through the crowd, pushing males aside to get to Lilianna and Azriel.

"Come back here. Now!" Clarissa commanded, and a murmur of panic went through the crowd. "You will do as I command, Fae dog!"

Lilianna rushed to my side, and hissed, "What are you doing, Tamlin? You're ruining everything we've planned."

"Look around you, Lili," I whispered as Azriel came to her side and slipped an arm around her waist. "Who will be blamed when we free Brie? Not you or me." I gave a subtle nod at one of the servants with faded purplish-yellow bruises. "I will not be goaded into harming any more innocent people because of the Night Court – do not spike the drinks."

"You think they will fare any better if we have to fight our way out of here?" Azriel said, a low growl rumbling in his throat as Clarissa continued ordering me to return to her side. "You want to free the girl and that cannot be accomplished with all these humans in our way. Stick to the plan, Tamlin."

"Sir…." Someone timidly tapped on my shoulder, and I pivoted on my heel to find a scrawny human male dressed as a guard but it looked as if he might run away at the first sign of trouble. "Queen Clarissa requests your presence at her side." His pale blue eyes implored me to do as Clarissa commanded. "Please," he added, glancing over his shoulder at the raised dais then back to me. "Please…."

"Tell her majesty I will return to my seat in a moment," I gritted out, dismissively turning my back to him to speak to Lilianna. "I will not be held responsible for the subsequent harming of these servants if the three of you go against what I say and spike the drinks anyway. The beatings and whippings they endure will be your burden to carry. Can you live with that, Lili?"

"If there was another way to save her without harming anyone, you would have already thought of it," Lilianna said, watery eyes beseeching me to understand that her sister's safety was her first and foremost concern. "I don't want to see anyone get hurt, but we have no other choice."

"I once felt the same way about Feyre as you do about your sister, and I lost everything because of it." I shrugged a shoulder. "What more can be taken from you though, right? You won't have to live to regret the choices you make tonight and I guess that makes it okay for you to do whatever you feel is necessary to save her. But I will live beyond this night and I will never forgive you if you personally cause innocent people to suffer."

I left them and returned to my seat beside Clarissa, scowling at her as she grasped hold of my hand to make sure I didn't leave again without her permission. "I forgive you," she whispered, her muddy brown eyes lingering on Lilianna. "And as a gift to you, I will allow for the girl to join us in bed from time to time as long as she is attentive to my needs as well as yours."

"I have no intention of ever fucking you or the girl," I growled, anger tightening in my chest. "Even if I do marry you, we will never, ever sleep together."

"Oh, I didn't mean her." She pointed a chubby finger at Lilianna. "I meant the girl in the dungeon." My heartbeat sped up and thundered in my ears as she gave my hand a tight squeeze and smiled. "I found it odd that the High Lord of the Night Court could accept a marriage proposal on his enemy's behalf, and yet you showed up after I made you wait seven days at that tiny inn in the village. But before our meeting, and your gracious acceptance of my proposal, your emissary paid a visit to the girl which I found odd as well. Then he offered to defend her at the trial – a treasonous act if the High Lord of his Court wanted to see her dead. He went against not only your wishes but also the High Lord of the Night Court, and yet you claimed to have no problem with him defending her because you say she isn't your enemy."

"I already explained to you why I accepted your proposal, and what I stand to gain from it," I said, yanking my hand free from hers. "My marriage will bring peace between my Court and theirs and that is why I agreed to shackle myself to you – not for some human girl. From what you know of my time with one human girl, do you honestly believe I would care what happens to any humans?"

"Then I guess you won't mind if she's put to death tonight. Why waste time on a trial when everyone knows the girl is guilty?" She waved a hand and the guards stationed at the entranceway nodded and walked out of the ballroom only to return a few moments later with Lucien in chains. Thick metal cuffs circled his wrists and ankles, linked together by those heavy chains, and the color had leeched from his skin leaving him deathly pale. His one eye was so bloodshot it looked completely red, and as he coughed hard his nose started to bleed, trickling down his mouth and chin. Lilianna screamed his name, and started toward him, but Azriel caught hold of her and hugged her tight to his chest. I shot to my feet to go heal him, but one of guards standing behind him, lifted a dagger made of mountain ash and warned me to stay where I was with a shake of his head. "I'm afraid your emissary breathed in a little too much ash dust when he was unsuccessfully trying to draw up a blueprint of my castle. Why would he be doing such a thing, Tamlin?"

"Let him go," I growled, and the crowd of humans scurried away toward the cream colored walls to watch from a safe distance. "If you hurt him anymore than you already have, I will snap that fat neck of yours and rip your head clean from your body."

"The laws of this land are clear about what happens to spies," she said, clucking her tongue before she waved her hand again and more soldiers entered the ballroom and this time they brought Brie with them. Fresh, ugly bruises littered her body and face, her eyes swollen shut from the beating she had endured while we made useless plans. I roared in rage, the ground beneath my feet trembling, but my eyes remained locked on Brie.

"Brie!" Lilianna cried, slamming her foot down hard on the bridge of Azriel's foot, loosening his grip. Pushing away from him, she rushed to her sister mindless of the fact that she would become their prisoner as well, and stopped short only when she realized she would hurt Brie if she touched her.

"Choose one – you can't have them both," Clarissa taunted, turning to face me. "One will die while the other will live…but my offer is only good if you marry me right now in front of the girl who believes you are her mate and the man you consider your best friend."

**Author's note: I always found it hard to believe that Ianthe never made a single move on Tamlin if her main goal was to marry a High Lord and have children with him for the power it would give her. She was sneaky and conniving and to me it only makes sense she would try something to have a child with Tamlin so it would be the next High Lord. That's my thoughts, but perhaps I'm wrong...let me know your thoughts.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks for reading! **

Chapter Twenty Seven

_Tamlin_

A million scenarios played out in my head, flashing so fast I couldn't hang onto one of them before the next one exploded to life. No matter how fast I moved to save either of them, it wouldn't be fast enough. I didn't see a knife point at Brie from behind her back, but it was obvious from the way she held herself rigid with tears silently slipping down her battered face. While I sat worrying about sparing human lives, they'd beaten her until she told them everything they wanted to know and now Clarissa expected me to choose one of them to live and one of them to die.

I couldn't do it.

How could I chose to watch one of them die in order for the other to live? But if I didn't say a name they both would die and so would Lilianna.

They'd ground mountain ash to dust to use as a deadly weapon against us, and Lucien had walked right into the trap they set. Clarissa was clever – much smarter than I'd anticipated and my failure to see her as a mortal enemy cost me dearly. My only ally against these humans was also my enemy and I couldn't be certain if he and Rhysand had planned the whole thing or not. The more I considered the possibility of Azriel working with Clarissa, the more it made sense to me. He stayed behind to make arrangements for the marriage ceremony, and could have easily used that time to plan how to capture Lucien and use him as a bargaining chip to get me to choose Brie to die. The masked ball, the golden mask Clarissa wore, and the wooden bench to make me feel small the way I felt Under the Mountain – those were all little details she wouldn't have known about if someone hadn't told her – if Azriel hadn't told her.

"Choose, Tamlin," Clarissa ordered in an imperious tone, and another murmur went through the crowd, all of them whispering for me to choose Lucien or Brie. "Or I will have them both put to death, and I'll keep the young girl to make certain you do what you're told from now on."

My eyes caught on the red blood dripping onto the gold veined floor from Lucien's nose and mouth as the poison worked its way through his body, and my claws punched through my skin. "Azriel will choose for me," I said, pinning him with a hateful stare. "I will abide by any choice he makes."

If he chose Brie then he would be responsible for Feyre's death, and if he chose Lucien he would have to explain to Elian why her mate was dead. Even if Azriel didn't believe Lucien was her true mate, the guilt he felt would keep him from ever finding happiness with Elian. "Since his High Lord arranged this marriage between us, I think it's only fair that the Night Court takes the credit for whoever dies tonight."

"I will allow it," Clarissa said, looking to Azriel to decide their fates. "Who do you chose to die, shadowsinger?"

The cobalt stones in his siphons began to glow as he glared at me. I'd put him in the same impossible situation as I had been it and he was furious. The shadows around him coiled to strike, and if he struck me down right then and there I wouldn't have tried to stop him. If they were going to die, I would gladly die as well and all of Prythian could rot and wither away to nothingness.

"I choose – the young girl," he gritted out, pointing to Lilianna and Brie started screaming for Clarissa to kill her instead. Lucien writhed and squirmed to break free of the hold two guards had on him to get to Lilianna. Suddenly his body stiffened, and he drew in a sharp breath and started coughing again. I didn't need to see it to know the sharp point of the ash dagger had dug into his back. "Keep the other two in the dungeons below and use them to ensure the High Lord becomes the docile pet you hoped he would be."

"You only had two choices not three," Clarissa reminded as she studied the glowing cobalt stones on his siphons. "I would've thought the choice would be easy for you since your High Lord is the one who requested a trial for the girl. Choose her and be done with it."

"I stand by my decision," he said, folding his muscular arms across his chest.

No matter how much Rhysand might've wanted Brie dead, Azriel couldn't pick her to die, and he was too honorable to pick Lucien even if it meant he would never be with Elian. If Rhysand was involved in this, which I had little doubt he was, he hadn't included Azriel in on his plan. Azriel would have warned him not to interfere in any way or it would have come back to bite him in the ass. To save Feyre and keep his honor, he made the only choice he could under the circumstances and I grudgingly respected him for it.

"Send them away and I will marry you right now," I uttered, sickened by the thought of binding myself to her. "I give you my word that I will not try to escape and I will perform every husbandly duty that is required of me."

"No, Tamlin," Lucien whispered hoarsely, shaking his head. "D-don't do it."

"How can I be certain you will keep your _word _once they are free?" Clarissa said, intrigued by the offer but wary of trusting that I'd hold to my word. "I'm afraid I would need more assurances than just your word, High Lord."

"There is a collar," Azriel spoke up, and to his credit he didn't appear happy about it. "It is infused with ancient magic and once it is put on by the one who wishes to hold a male captive, it can never be taken off – he would not be able to leave the castle grounds without a sickness spreading through his body. If you do as he asks, allowing him to heal them before they leave, I will give it to you."

"Do you agree to this, Tamlin?" Clarissa lifted a brow. "Do you agree to be my pet – my plaything for as long as I live?"

"Don't do it, Tamlin," Lucien growled, but his words meant nothing while bloody tears trailed down his cheeks.

"No, Tamlin," Brie cried, trembling uncontrollably. "You can't –"

"I agree," I cut in, unable to look at either of them as I traded my life for theirs. "Let me heal Lucien before he dies from the poison, and I will marry you right after I'm done."

"The collar must be set in place before I will allow it," she said, and looked to Azriel. "Where is it?"

"I have to retrieve it from where it is kept hidden," Azriel said, trying to catch Lilianna's eye but she refused to look his way.

"You have one hour," Clarissa said, gesturing to Lucien, "any longer than that and you'll be leaving with only two of my prisoners."

Azriel gave a curt nod, looked to me for a brief moment then took off running in a blur of speed.

XxXxXx

_Azriel_

One hour, that was all the time I had to convince Rhysand to give me the silver collar he kept locked away for safe keeping. One hour would never be enough time. He would refuse and then we would argue, possibly coming to blows, and in the end I would be no closer to saving Lucien, Lilianna and the Dream Weaver than before I left the castle. The only real option I had was to steal it from his vault, and hopefully return it before he realized it was missing. The mortal queen would have to die for that to happen, and I would leave that task for Lucien to accomplish.

Rhysand might not have minded if Tamlin lived forever as the mortal queen's enslaved husband, maybe he would've even thanked me for my hand in it, but from the look on the Dream Weaver's face when Tamlin agreed to Clarissa's terms to free them, I could see her vengeance would be swift and brutal, and anyone involved would suffer dearly for entrapping him. Through her swollen, blackened eyes she had seen their faces, every last one of them, and I wouldn't doubt it in the slightest that none of them would survive the night.

I wouldn't survive if I returned with the collar to trap him.

As I winnowed to the House of Wind, I seriously considered not returning to the castle. I would gladly die a million times over if they were good and honorable deaths, but to kill myself in some horrific manner due to some trigger placed in my head out of vengeance would be the worst fate I could imagine. And if it wasn't for Lucien dying of ash poisoning, I would've reported to Rhysand that the Dream Weaver wouldn't live out the night, and washed my hands of the whole mess.

I wanted Elian to love me the way I loved her – to see me as her mate as that is how I saw her. Yet, no matter how much I wanted that day to come, I didn't want to win her heart by default. If Lucien died I would always wonder if she only loved me because her Cauldron given mate died. No, I needed her to defy the pull of the mate bond and pick me over Lucien. Or I needed Lucien to break that bond between them, freeing her in the process. Elian and Lucien weren't even remotely close to being in love, and I would willingly cut off my wings if it turned out the Lucien wasn't in love with Lilianna. I only needed to make him jealous enough to claim Lilianna as his own. To make that happen, I needed the silver collar.

Tamlin had taken a gamble when he asked me to choose who would live and who would die – a clever move on his part. He knew I couldn't be certain if Rhysand had a hand in the poisoning of Lucien or the beating of Brie. Not to mention the masked ball or the mask Clarissa wore that resembled the mask Tamlin wore during the forty-nine years of his curse too closely to be anything other than a dig from Rhysand. It wouldn't have surprised me at all if he had planned the masked ball to make Tamlin feel weak and inferior, sitting on a low wooden bench beside an ugly mortal queen like he was some sort of mangy dog instead of a powerful High Lord. And if I believed it was possible that Rhysand had orchestrated the whole fiasco, I couldn't choose Brie. And for Elian, I couldn't choose Lucien.

That left only one option – the girl who actively pursued death in spite of all she had to live for.

Something akin to relief briefly flickered across Tamlin's face when I chose Lilianna. Before that moment he considered the very real possibility that I had helped Rhysand set a trap for them, and that would have been true if Feyre's life hadn't hung in the balance. In his fear of losing her, Rhysand wasn't thinking clearly, and only through betrayal of his trust would I be able to save her for him. I hoped one day he would see it that way, but Rhysand had a very long memory for those who betrayed him, and in his anger he would likely cast me out of the Inner Circle and Velaris.

Those thoughts haunted my steps as I walked through the empty halls of the House of Wind. My shadows seeped out of me, and wound through the twists and turns of the massive cave to relay information to my sensitive nerve-endings. Except for Feyre, they were all in the meeting room – Rhysand, Cassian, Mor, Amren, Nesta, and Elian. I couldn't afford the wasted time if they found me lurking in the hallways, especially since one of their topics of conversation was about where I had gone and if anyone had seen me in the past several days. I pulled my shadows in tight around me, becoming nothing more than a breeze passing through the darkened corridors, and made my way to the vault on the lower level of the cave. Although it was well shielded from intruders with spells and wards, I walked through them without the any difficulty, only feeling a slight tingle down my spine and at the tips of my wings.

Why would I have any difficulty? Rhysand trusted me with his life, and it hurt me more than I cared to admit that I would lose his trust and friendship when I stole the silver collar to help Tamlin save the Dream Weaver.

The vault was filled with items deemed too dangerous to be left unprotected. Only the five original members of the Inner Circle were granted free access to the vault, and the reason Rhysand hadn't mentioned the vault behind the seemingly solid rock wall to Feyre was the trophy he had snatched from Under the Mountain. On a wooden pedestal, surround by impenetrable glass, sat Tamlin's golden masked on a bed of hunter green crushed velvet. He said he couldn't help himself when he saw it lying on the ground in Amarantha's throne room after Feyre was brought back to life. When she left with Tamlin to go back to his room, he seized the opportunity and took it. Why he felt he needed it, baffled me as he already won the moment Feyre accepted his deal to fix her broken arm.

There were shelves lining every wall filled with cursed objects we had collected for centuries and brought them to the House of Wind when Rhysand had become High Lord. Many times we had to break the curse on some poor High Fae or lesser faerie before we could remove the cursed object and place it somewhere it would do no more harm. Other times we were too late to save anyone, and could only bring the object back for safekeeping.

One of Rhysand's ancestors created the silver collar to ensnare a woman who did not love him. Two days before she was to wed another, Koray abducted her and placed the collar around her neck. When her betrothed from the Autumn Court came to rescue her, she cried when she told him she could never be with him and that she was already married to Koray. They'd married under the full moon, and she took her own life by the next one. She couldn't kill him – the collar wouldn't allow it, and so she did the only thing she could to be free of him. This was the life Tamlin was condemning himself to live, and it was honorable in a way I didn't think him capable of being.

My hand circled the silver collar inlaid with strange writing that I still hadn't been able to decipher and I was just about to pull it off the shelf when Rhysand cleared his throat.

"What are you doing, Az?" he said without a hint of mistrust or uneasiness in his tone. "We've been looking for you for days. Mor is furious. She going to beat the hell out of you, and I would feel sorry for you, but I was worried as well."

"I was keeping an eye on the mortal queen and Tamlin," I said, pulling the silver collar off the shelf and tucking it beneath my leather tunic before I turned to face him. My shadows hid my movements and obscured the shelf and the missing cursed object. "Was the masked ball your idea?"

"You were watching from the shadows as it all play out, weren't you?" He grinned, proud of himself for humiliating Tamlin, and it made me wonder if he'd do the same to me someday. "Did he crumble when he saw her mask? I had it made to match that one." He bobbed his head at the glass case and the mask inside. "Even if he did, it still wouldn't be enough – not for what he did to Feyre."

"When will it be enough, Rhys?" I said, fearing that his constant need for revenge would turn to madness if he wasn't careful. "When did his misery become your only driving force in life? You're having a baby – that should be your motivation in life not revenge. Let it go for his sake and yours."

"So when is the trial?" he said to change the subject, leaving me with little doubt that he was too far gone to turn back from his destructive path. "Remember that you cannot be involved or Feyre will die when the Dream Weaver dies. You can watch them from the shadows, but do not let the Dream Weaver see you. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you or anyone in our family."

"If the Dream Weaver dies – Feyre will die," I warned, crossing the room to stand in front of him. "You don't see it, but you are the reason the Dream Weaver is on trial. You're the reason Tamlin is supposed to testify against her. You are the reason she was taken from Tamlin's home and thrown into a dungeon. You've orchestrated all of this to save Feyre – but she's going to die and you are going to be to blame. Not Tamlin. Not the mortal queen. You, Rhysand. You've been pulling the strings, moving them into the positions you want them in, and you're so messed up in the head, you don't see it."

"Because we are friends I will forget you said any of that." The ground beneath me trembled as I struck a nerve. "Tamlin and the mortal queen are not my friends or loyal to me and that is why I chose them specifically for this task. I have thought this through and it's the only way I can ensure the safety of my mate and my child."

"I seriously doubt being hanged or beheaded would be considered a natural death," I pointed out then sighed. I didn't have time to convince him I was doing the right thing by saving Brie. My time was almost up, and I couldn't let Lucien die while I debated right and wrong with Rhysand. "But I guess you're right. I will stick to the shadows and report to you when it is finished."

"Don't you want to see Elian before you leave? She hasn't been herself since you left without saying where you were going."

"I will make it up to her when I return," I said and winnowed back to the entrance of the castle as he was opening his mouth to speak more on the topic of Elian and my feelings for her. After he learned of the wedding and how Clarissa let the Dream Weaver go free, he wouldn't allow me anywhere near Feyre's sister. Even if he did find some perverse pleasure in thought of Tamlin bound by the collar to Clarissa for as long as she lived, he wouldn't forget that I had stolen it to save Brie, Lilianna and Lucien.

Clarissa's guards escorted me to the ballroom, and the sight that met me was Lucien on the ground curled up in a ball, his head resting on Lilianna's lap as blood slowly leaked from his nose, eyes and mouth. Tamlin stalked back and forth on the raised dais, raking his fingers through his hair, unable to help his best friend while one guard held a knife to Brie's back and another knelt behind Lilianna with a knife pressed to her throat. If he tried to save one the other would die, and so he did the only thing he could do under the circumstances.

"Do you have it?" Clarissa said the moment she peeled her eyes away from watching Lucien bleed to death, to look at me. I nodded, stomach churning at the look of pure joy on her face, partly at having outsmarted two High Lords and partly from the pain she'd caused both Lucien and Brie. "Bring it to me," she added, holding out her chubby hands for the collar.

I strode up the stairs and reached into my tunic to pull out the collar. She snatched it out of my hands the second she saw it, and Tamlin stopped pacing. A strange mixture and horror and relief flitted across his face, and silently he mouthed a _thank you_ to me.

"I'm sorry," I uttered, glancing over my shoulder at Lucien's still form. "You have regained your honor in my eyes and I will make certain others hear of what you did for Lucien and the females."

He drew in a deep breath, slowly exhaled and gave a curt nod. "You have your collar," he said coldly to Clarissa, "let me heal Lucien before he dies."

"I have to put it on you first." She smiled sweetly, moving to stand face to face with him, and slipped the collar around his neck. Tamlin roared in rage, tugging hard on the collar as it locked tight around his throat, to no avail. It would never come off as long as Clarissa drew air into her lungs. "My beautiful pet in his pretty silver collar." Patting his cheek, she tilted her head to look up at him. "You must understand I have to see if it works before I allow you to save your friends, right?"

"Yes, of course," he uttered, swallowing hard as his gaze strayed to Brie and let out another roar at the sight of tears rolling down her bruised and swollen cheeks.

"Kiss me," she murmured, touching her fingers to her lips, and the humans skirting the ballroom moved closer to see a mortal queen toy with her new plaything.

"Tamlin…." Brie cried out, shaking her head as Tamlin pulled Clarissa into his arms and kissed her passionately. Her knees buckled, and she dropped to the ground wailing so hard – too hard to just be some female who had a crush on him. It was the wail of a High Fae who had lost her mate. Her swollen eyes found mine, and I felt her fury directed solely at me. I'd inadvertently helped Clarissa steal the Dream Weaver's mate from her, and there would be no where I could run or hide that her nightmares wouldn't find me.

**Author's note : Thanks for reading and an added thanks if you took the time to review my story. As for Rhysand, I think it's been shown through Sara Maas' stories that Rhysand will do pretty much anything to ensure the survive of the people he cares about, and it was also shown through his POV in ACOFAS that he really takes great pleasure in Tamlin's suffering. He said Tamlin could waste away and die once the world was rebuilt, so I don't think it would be that far fetched that he would taunt him at the masked ball with a similar mask to the one he wore during the curse. Would he be sneaky and underhanded to save Feyre and his unborn child, I absolutely believe he would as he played at being Amarantha's whore for almost 50 years to keep his friends safe. If he really thinks she's going to die because of Brie, I can see him going to great and devious lengths to save his mate and child. In the first book he twists Feyre's broken bone to get her to accept his deal, but couldn't he have just as easily healed it without hurting her more? I love Rhysand every bit as much as Tamlin, but he can be purposefully cruel at times. If Tamlin had twisted the broken bone in her arm, everyone would've saw him as even more of an evil bastard, but since Rhysand did it, it's okay because he had his reasons. I think the thing is there is a darkness in Rhysand and Tamlin, and that is what makes them interesting characters... :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks for reading. This chapter is a kind of dark and abusive in nature so I'm putting a warning up for it. **

Chapter Twenty Eight

_Tamlin_

My mind revolted against kissing Clarissa, but my body was no longer my own, and it responded willingly to her request. I heard Brie crying out my name, and I wanted more than anything to stop myself from giving Clarissa the passionate kiss that left her breathless, but I could stop.

I couldn't stop.

And I hated myself for making her cry. And I hated myself for not being smarter than an insignificant mortal queen. And hated myself for not being strong enough to protect the people I cared about most. But mostly I hated hearing Brie's heartbroken sobs. If my body was my own, I would've done anything she asked to never hear her cry again.

"You may heal your friends now, pet," Clarissa said, touching her fingers to her lips. "You have kept your word and I will keep mine."

"Thank you," I uttered hoarsely, and leapt off the dais to rush to Lucien. I rested a hand above his heart and concentrated on drawing out the poison as Azriel hovered close behind me, his wings fanned wide to shield us from Clarissa's view. Precious minutes went by with no change in his condition. He wasn't getting worse, but he wasn't healing either. "It's not working," I growled, anger constricting my chest. "I can't save him inside the castle grounds and I can't leave to regain the power to heal because of this damn collar!"

"If you went just beyond the border and stayed only long enough to heal him – I'll stay with your mate and Lilianna," Azriel said, resting a hand on my shoulder. "I am sorry, Tamlin. If there had been another way…."

"Stay with them," I said as his voice trailed off, and carefully lifting Lucien into my arms, I ran in a blur of speed to just beyond the guard tower outside the castle grounds. The trembling in my limbs started almost immediately, and what the humans called sweat beaded on my brow. In all my long years, I'd never once experience any sickness – pain and injuries, yes, but never sickness. Fever flushed my skin as I worked to heal Lucien, and chill bumps raced along the skin of my arms. My stomach lurched once, twice – three times and I threw up all over Lucien. My blood mingled with his, and panic set in. I'd thrown up blood. Not dinner. Not bile – blood, and I could taste the slightly metallic flavor of it on my tongue as I sent healing light into Lucien's body. "Heal, damn it!" I shouted as salty sweat dripped into my eyes, blurring my vision. "You can't die on me – I didn't give up my life only to have you die on human lands."

"Tamlin," he rasped, groaning as my healing power waged war with the poison in his body. His eyelid fluttered open and closed as his golden eye whizzed, taking in the silver collar around my throat. "I'll kill her for you," he added, swallowing hard.

"No," I said, watching the color slowly seep back into his skin as it drained from mine. "I need you to take Lilianna and Brie somewhere safe, somewhere no one can find them. I need you to do this for me because I can't. I can withstand anything as long as I know the three of you are safe."

"I can't just leave you –"

"Yes, you can," I cut in, and breathed a sigh of relief seeing the whites of his eyes returning to normal. "If you stay, I could be forced to hurt you," I added, holding up my trembling hand for him to see and then tapped at my temple. "My mind is my own, but I have no control over my body. Clarissa does. I couldn't fight the kiss she wanted me to give her any more than I could restrain myself from hurting you if she commanded it of me. Don't make me hurt you, Lucien – I've apologized for hurting someone I cared about too many times already."

"So that's it?" Sitting up, he lifted a brow. "You're just giving up and accepting this marriage as your fate?"

"What other choice do I have?" I tugged at the silver collar for emphasis. "At least it's not a golden mask."

"That's not funny, Tam." His golden eye assessed me closely, and fire burst to life in his hand – a gift he and his brothers received from his mother not his father. "If you leave the castle grounds while she's alive, you will die?" When I nodded, he cocked back his arm to throw the ball of flames at the guard tower, but I caught hold of his arm. "Brie and Lilianna are still inside the castle, and now that she has me she could easily change her mind about letting them go if you burn down any of her property."

He closed his fist, gutting the flames. "Once they are safely hidden away, I am going to come back for you." He pushed to his feet, looked down at his clothes and grimace. "Did I throw up on myself or was that you?"

"It was me." As I spoke a fresh forest green tunic and black pants replaced the soiled ones. "I'm sick, Lucien," I admitted, my legs too weak and wobbly to support my weight if I tried to stand. Thankfully he didn't make me ask for help getting to my feet, and hooked an arm around my waist to support me while we walked back through the gated entrance. Within a matter of a few feet, my strength returned and the trembling subsided to a slight tremor. My stomach still churned, but I blamed it on the wedding I still needed to get through. "Can you help me heal Brie? I can't do it all on my own, but if we work together we should be able to take away the bruises and the swelling."

"Like you even have to ask." His arm fell away from my lower back, and we walked the rest of the way in silence.

The crowd parted for us, and some of the females gasped at the sight of Lucien fully recovered after being so close to death. I ignored Clarissa as she instructed the servants to set up chairs for the ceremony, and headed straight to Brie. My fingers grazed along her cheek as Lucien rested a hand on her arm, and together we worked to undo the damage Clarissa's men had done to her. When the last of the bruises had faded away to nothing, Lucien stepped back, and my arm slid around her waist. Stark pain burst to life everywhere my body touched hers, but I concealed it with a tender smile. In those moments of pain when her strangely beautiful blue eyes held mine, something inside of me shifted and clicked into place.

"Mate?" I whispered huskily, not quite believing the bond stringing us together inside of me, and through her tears she nodded. "I will find my way back to you someday," I promised, and her eyes dipped to the collar that marked me as Clarissa's property. I tucked my hand under her chin, and lifted her head. "This isn't Azriel's fault. If it hadn't been for him, Lucien would've died and so would've you and Lili. I am asking you as your mate, not to harm him – do not send him any nightmares to trigger a violent death."

She looked to Azriel and gave a subtle nod. "How long, Tamlin? How long do I have to wait for you to find your way out of this hellish existence you've condemned yourself to live?"

"Humans are fragile creatures," I said, fingers weaving through her hair, only flinching once at the burning pain below my skin. "They die easily, and once her years are spent I will find you."

"That could take –"

My lips captured hers and she sighed into my mouth, her body melting against mine. My heartbeat hammered wildly in my chest as my tongue traced along her lower lip then delved into the sweetness of her mouth. All the other kisses I'd ever had paled greatly in comparison, and all my anger and bitterness faded away – my heart was so full of love for this female who had seen me at my worst and loved me in spite of it, it didn't leave any room for anything else.

"Don't give up on me, okay," I whispered against her lips as the kiss ended. "Knowing that you are my mate is the only thing that's keeping me from falling apart right now. I don't want you to go anywhere that I can't follow, and yet you have to leave and I have to stay."

"I will send her a nightmare tonight and you will be free by morning," she vowed and I shook my head. "Yes, Tam. I will not have some other female sleeping with my mate night after night by force."

"If you want to save me from this fate, you need to find another way. We cannot rebuild our Court by making every Fae fear you."

"Our Court?"

"I know you won't be the first High Lady, but you will be my High Lady," I promised, framing her face in my hands, fingers weaving through her hair. "And even if no one ever returns to our Court to live, I'll be more than fine with it as long as you are at my side."

Her soft, dewy lips parted, but just as I lowered my head to kiss her again, Clarissa's voice stopped me. "Step away from her," she ordered, and my body betrayed me, arms falling loosely to my sides as I stepped back away from my mate. "I order you to slap the whore for kissing you on your wedding night." My arm shook and trembled, hands balling into tight fists as I tried to fight the control she had over my body. "I said slap the whore, Tamlin! Do it! Now!"

"Run, Brie…." My mind rebelled but my arm cocked back to slap her hard across the face. She didn't move a muscle, trusting that somehow I could regain control of my body. I couldn't regain control. I pressed my eyes shut, and struck out at her. Someone caught hold of my wrist, yanked hard, knocking me off balance, and twisted my arm up behind my back.

"If you give in so easily, you are truly lost," Azriel growled in my ear. 'Never make it easy for her – fight her every step of the way. Do you understand me?"

Breathing hard, I nodded. "Promise me you will protect her with your life until I'm free…please."

"I will try to keep your mate safe, but it will not be easy and I will likely fail losing my own life in the process." Abruptly releasing my arm, he pushed me backward into Clarissa, and she fell to the ground. His siphons began to glow blue as he held out a badly scarred hand for Brie to take, and she took hold of it with her equally scarred hand. "Lucien, Lili – we need to go now."

"Tamlin, I –"

"Don't say it, Brie," I said, cutting her off before she told me she loved me. I wanted to hear her say those words more than anything, but if she said them now it would be like she was saying goodbye forever, and I needed something to hold onto for the long hard days stretching out ahead of me. "When I find you again, let me say it first. Okay?"

She held my gaze for a long moment and then let Azriel lead her away with Lucien and Lilianna close behind them. My shoulders sagged when they passed out of sight, and I turned to face Clarissa.

"Let's get this over with," I said, helping her to her feet. "But first let me be very clear on this – you may control my body, but you don't control my mind. I will hate every moment I spend with you. Every touch, every kiss – every time I'm forced to fuck you will make me sick to my stomach. I will –"

"Oh, Tamlin," she chuckled lightly, patting me on the cheek, "do you honestly think I care how you feel? You will fuck me because I want you to fuck me, and you will do the same to anyone I chose to bring into our marriage bed – male or female. What other choice do you have? And at some point you will plant your seed in my womb, and our child will be the future queen."

My heart dropped to the pit of my queasy stomach. "I hate you." It was the only thing I could think to say since she didn't care that every time we were together it would be her raping my body, and there was nothing I could do about it.

She shrugged unconcernedly. "Be that as it may, you will not escape. You will never be free. You are mine for as long as I live, and I will never let you go. Have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal clear."

My mind rebelled against my traitorous body and the collar around my throat, and for all my effort it didn't matter in the slightest. We were married by their version of a High Priestess, and all I could recall about the event was mumbling my vows and completely blocked out the kiss I must've endured to seal my fate. The celebration lasted well into the night, not that I partook in any of the festivities other than the first dance of the bride and groom. No one tried to approach me even though she'd plastered a smile on my face, and I heard many of her subjects mocking the High Lord of the Wooden Bench.

That's what they called me and that's what I became as days stretched into weeks. Although sometimes there wouldn't be a bench when she held court, and my body would willingly oblige her whim and perch on the floor beside her throne as she stroked my hair like I was a dog. Those were the worst days and were always followed by even worse nights. After a few weeks my mind shut down while I performed for her – or the guests she invited into our bedroom. It didn't even seem to bother her that they were more interested in me than her. Why would it though since she took untold pleasure in my utter humiliation?

What I feared most was that one day she would come to me and tell me she was pregnant with my child. I would be tied to her forever through the child, and when our first month as man and wife passed without her becoming pregnant, she took her anger out on the servants beating them for the slightest offence. They hated her every bit as much as I did, but her power and authority was absolute in her queendom, and no one uttered a word as servants were stripped bare and whipped in her throne room. I spoke up the first time when an older grey-haired woman was sentenced to be whipped for bringing home leftover food to her grandchildren and then I found myself with the whip in my hand carrying out the sentence of twenty lashes. Every crack and hiss of the leather against her bare skin dragged me lower and lower until I dropped to my knees, tears spilling down my face. It brought back the memory of how I'd whipped Darius and how I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for months after it happened. Even if I couldn't stop myself from whipping the old woman, I could've stopped at any time with Darius, but I hadn't and that wasn't Feyre's fault. I didn't want to appear weak in front of Hybern's forces, and as punishment the Cauldron had seen fit to show me what being truly weak felt like, and lesson learned I never spoke up again as Clarissa chose to have someone whipped or beaten for a minor offence.

My only saving grace when I thought I couldn't go on any longer was the dreams Brie gave me every night when I finally succumbed to sleep. I lived in those dreams with her, making love beside the Starlight Pool or riding together to visit with the villagers in the Spring Court. We created a world together within the shared dream, and spent hours talking about everything and anything – well, almost everything. If I told her of the horrible existence I lived in Clarissa's queendom, she would send her a nightmare and trigger to kill herself in the worst possible manner. Although I relished the idea of Clarissa's death, wanting her to die more than I had ever wanted anything in my very long life, I didn't want Brie to use her gift to murder anyone. She didn't want to become like her mother, and this would be the first step toward her downfall.

Every dream ended the same way with her telling me that Azriel and Lucien were searching for a way to nullify the power of the collar and that we would be together for real soon. Neither of us believed it, but since it was only a dream even the impossible was possible. She kept her word, never saying that she loved me no matter how close we became over the course of seemingly endless hours of dreaming, and I was glad she didn't or it would break me.

Tonight was a particularly hard night and although I was too ashamed and tried my damnedest not to fall asleep, I still drifted off in the chair beside the bed I shared with Clarissa while she slumbered peacefully. We met in a field filled with wildflowers of every imaginable color and although it was only a dream, the sweet intoxicating fragrance calmed my raw nerves. It was a game of hide and seek and she was terrible at it. I could hear her muffled laughter as she crouched in the overgrown flowers. I circled and came up behind her, and hearing me clear my throat she sprinted away. I took chase and caught hold of her by the waist, gently swinging her around as our lips collided in a hungry kiss. I tore off her clothes in my eagerness to feel her warm soft skin against mine while she took her time slowly undressing me, fingers gliding along my skin as she lifted my shirt over my head. Sudden revulsion churned in my stomach, and I pulled away from her, seeing the look of sadness in her blue eyes before I hastily turned and put my shirt back on.

_"What is she doing to you?"_ She circled to face me, and sought out my gaze. _"You're my mate, Tamlin. We shouldn't have secrets from each other. I know it's bad, but it'll only get worse if you bottle it up inside of you."_

_"How is Lili?" _I said to change the subject as there was no way I could ever tell her or anyone about the life I lived now. These were the moments I lived for, and I wouldn't ruin them by allowing Clarissa to enter our dreams. _"Has Lucien told her he loves her yet?" _

_"What has she done to you,"_ she said and it wasn't really a question, not when she could clearly see that I felt less and less like a man with each passing day. _"Let me take care of this for you, Tam. I can't stand the thought of that woman putting her hands on you. One nightmare and she'll be out of our lives forever. Then we can be together for real. Don't you want that?"_

_"More than anything," _I whispered, chest aching with the thought that it would be years and years before I was free to spend the rest of my life with her. _"But I can't let you use your powers like that. It would make it too easy to always solve our problems by eliminating them permanently. I want people to love you not fear you."_

_"They're always going to fear me because of what my mother did, but I think that sometimes – not often, but sometimes, the nightmares she wove were justified…and I think any nightmare I weave into Clarissa's mind would be more than justified. I see you crumbling and yet you won't let me save you."_ She caught my eye, and held my gaze. _"Do you even want to be saved or are you so lost you think this is the life you deserve?"_

_"Can we talk about something else? I spend every waking moment with that bitch, I don't want to think about her in my dreams as well."_

_"She's already in our dreams." _She framed my face in her hands, and lightly kissed me._ "I want you to make love to me like we did in the beginning, but lately you pull away from me and flinch at my touch. It's only been a little over a month, and the changes I've seen in you are drastic enough that I fear that by the time you are free you will have disappeared entirely and nothing I do will bring you back to me."_

_"Are Lucien and Azriel still looking for a way to rid me of this collar?" _I said, not wanting to voice my fear that she might be right about me. _"If it originated in the Night Court maybe Azriel can find the answers we need there."_

_"He hasn't stepped foot in Velaris since the night we left Clarissa's castle. He hasn't spoken of it, but I think he fears that Rhysand now considers him his enemy for helping us escape."_

_"Tell him I am sorry for getting him involved in this, and that if I knew then what I know now, I would've forced him to return to Velaris when he came to the inn."_

_"You can't blame yourself for his problems with the Night Court. He made his decision knowing full well what he was risking, but when this is over we will work toward reuniting him with his friends and family."_

I opened my mouth to tell her that she had more faith in a good outcome than I did, but I was abruptly pulled from the dream by a hard slap across the face. I blinked hard and looked up at Clarissa's pockmarked face.

"You have five minutes to get dressed," she said as I rubbed the sting on my cheek. "We have an important guest arriving shortly so I want you to look your best. Wear the dark green tunic with the black pants, and brush that rat's nest you call hair and while you're at it wash your face. I won't have my husband looking like a dirty slob in front of our guests."

"Anything for you, your majesty," I uttered, pushing up out of my chair to do as she asked.

I couldn't have cared less about her important guests or my appearance which at one time I'd taken great pride in, all I cared about was falling asleep again to be with my mate. Nonetheless, I hastily donned the clothes she told me to wear, brushed the snarls from my hair and washed my face. Her guards waited outside our bedroom door, and took up their steps behind me. They followed me everywhere, a constant shadow for a male who couldn't escape even if he tried. It was ridiculous really, but it was just another way she asserted her authority over me. I kept my eyes on the gold veined marble floor, unable to look any of them in the eye as we stopped at the dais, and my shoulders slumped as I heard them talking about me and snickering as they walked away as if I wasn't the queen's husband.

Once again the wooden bench had been removed from the raised dais, and without even thinking about it I dropped to my knees on the floor beside her throne, and she spared me only a single glance before she started stroking my hair.

"It pleases me that you made an effort to look presentable," she said as males and females silently filed into her throne room to listen to her prattle on about how great she was and how her queendom was prosperous and greater than all the other queendoms. The wealthy males and females voiced their approval of her reign and the wealth they'd accumulated under her ruthless tactics of dealing with the other queens, but as I looked through my shaggy bangs, I saw the poor villagers dressed in rags and the servants who she treated horrible whisper their hatred for their queen.

I didn't utter a word as she listened to various complaints from her subjects, and made rulings on how the offenders would be punished. It was no different than any other day, and my mind drifted off as I wasn't allowed to voice my opinion, and it was clear to everyone that I was just her pet – her plaything. No one expected me to speak after the one time I had voiced my opinion, and it left my mind to wander to long ago days when I had friends and they genuinely cared to hear my thoughts on things.

Lost in thought, I didn't see him sweep into the room or hear his footsteps on the marbled floor, and maybe I wouldn't have noticed him at all if he hadn't dared to climb the stairs to crouch before me and tug on the collar around my neck. I lifted my head only a fraction, met his violet eyes for the briefest of moments then lowered my head as more shame and humiliation flooded through me. It never occurred to me that her _important guest_ would be Rhysand, and I wished at that moment more than anything to die.

He tucked his hand under my chin and lifted my head. With a sigh, he shook his head, and stood to address the queen. "Is this how you treat a High Lord of Prythian, Clarissa?"

"He is no longer a High Lord of anything," she said, patting me like a dog for emphasis. "He is my husband and I will treat him anyway I like."

"Get up, Tamlin," he said, and strangely enough it sounded as if he felt sympathy for me. "I said get up," he added when I failed to move from my spot on the ground, glued there by the silver collar and Clarissa's wish to see me on the ground. He straightened to his full height, and looked down at me. "You are High Lord of the Spring Court, and you will not be made a fool of by a human queen." He slipped into my mind without even having to try, his intent to make my body do his bidding just as Clarissa made me do whatever she wanted me to do, but he recoiled at the memories he saw that I couldn't hide from him. The slap across her face came hard and fast, stunning her and me. "How dare you treat anyone the way you've treated him?"

"You have no authority here, High Lord," she said, rubbing the bright red mark on her cheek. "I am the queen and he is my husband – my property. I have contacted the other High Lords of Prythian and they are in full support of our marriage. Not that it matters since Tamlin will never leave me."

"We had a deal and you broke your word," he said, forgetting his momentary concern over my wellbeing, and casually tucked his hand into his pocket. "You promised the girl would stand trial and be executed for murdering her uncle. Yet last I checked, she's still alive and safely hidden away by the help of two former Night Court residents. How is that possible?"

"There was a trial and the girl was found innocent of the crime," she smoothly lied, resting back against the thick red cushion of her throne. "What she did after that and where she ran off to is none of my concern. If you were so eager to see her dead, you should have murdered her yourself."

"Where are they, Tamlin?" he said, and a murmur went through the subjects of her queendom as he dismissed her and looked to me for answers.

When I failed to respond, Clarissa spoke up. "I'm afraid he only speaks when I allow him to speak." She sighed. "I've found that although he has a pretty face hearing his voice grates on my nerves. Perhaps if he was intelligent or even humorous I'd allow him to speak freely, but he is neither of those things and it's tedious listening to him."

"Let him speak," Rhysand ordered, and the ground trembled beneath us as anger sparked to life in his eyes. "If you fail to do so, I will raze your queendom to the ground."

"Oh, very well," she said, tugging hard on my ear. "Answer his question, pet."

"I don't know where they are and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you," I uttered, keeping my eyes on the ground. "Whether you believe it or not, Azriel saved Feyre by helping Brie escape. He would do anything for you even if it meant losing your friendship to keep your mate alive."

He crouched in front of me again and rested his forearms on his thighs. "Feyre is very ill and even though I have tried to heal her myself and with the help of several healers, they fear she will lose the baby. She could die, Tamlin." His eyes turned watery and he swallowed hard. "Help me save her and I swear I will do everything within my power to free you from this cursed life."

"Brie removed the trigger in Feyre's mind once she was free, Rhys," I said, holding his gaze as I added, "all she wants is peace – she has no desire to hurt Feyre or you. If Feyre is ill it has nothing to do with her. Don't waste your time searching for Brie when you should be looking for someone to cure her."

"What a fool I am – I actually feel sorry for you," he said as he stood and looked to Clarissa once more. "It is against our laws and human laws to use cursed objects such as the one around his throat to harm anyone. The Night Court will no longer provide protection for your queendom. Do not call on us if the other Courts learn what you have done to the High Lord of Spring. We will not hold to our word as you have not held to yours. I, too, was once the unwilling whore of an evil bitch, and that part of me that still shudders at the thought of her, hopes you rot in hell alongside her."

He strode down the stairs and walked away without giving me any indication of whether he'd follow my advice or not. I looked up at Clarissa and she touched her fingers to the red handprint on her face, and belatedly, as the doors closed behind him, I realized that I should've made him mad enough to mist me. He had made her angry and I would suffer for it over and over again.


	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks for taking the time to read as I play in Sara Maas' amazing world of characters. Please let me know what you think, it would mean a lot to me...**

Chapter Twenty Nine

_Rhysand_

I stood outside at the border of the queen's lands a long time after my meeting with her. My stomach lurched and heaved from the second I'd entered Tamlin's mind, but thankfully I kept my breakfast down until I was out of her throne room and far enough away from the guard tower that no one noticed the High Lord of the Night Court doubled over throwing up. The things she did to him and forced him to do made Amarantha and Hybern seem like saints by comparison.

It all played out before my eyes in stark horror when I entered his mind to restore a little dignity by getting him up off the ground, and I recoiled away from the graphic images of sexual and physical abuse he endured almost every moment of the day. There were days when he woke up to find his clothes missing, and was forced by her command to strip naked and walk around like that in order for everyone to gawk at her prized male specimen. While at other times she'd lead him around by a chain around his throat and would have her servants pet him like he was a dog. Then there were the beatings she had other males carry out in their bedchambers to excite her, and I saw him on his knees for those same males after they had finished torturing him. She never allowed any of those males to touch her sexually only the females she brought into their bedchambers, and he wished she would've let them because he feared she would become pregnant with his child.

As my thoughts turned to his dreams with Brie I heaved again, hot bile rising swiftly in my throat to splatter onto the thick grass. At his request, she removed the trigger in Feyre's mind, convincing her that they couldn't start their lives together by making others fear her gifts. Always the protector even when he was the one who needed to be protected, his concern for Feyre's wellbeing staggered me. I'd fooled myself into believing he still loved her and taunted him with that untrue knowledge every time I got the chance, but what he felt for her wasn't love. How could it be when we took such pleasure in bringing him so low? And yet, he still hadn't wanted to see any harm come to her or me.

Finally I delved deep into long ago memories of the night my mother and sister died, and I saw with my own eyes the true account of what had transpired, and how his brothers had attacked him as he turned to leave to warn me of their intentions. I saw my mother and sister die through his blurred, watery vision as he struggled to break free to help them. The memory didn't change the fact that they were gone and his family was responsible, but it did change how I saw him. He never betrayed me, and although he may have tried to share what really happened, I ran from his house before he got the chance.

Now I owed him several life debts I would never be able to repay, and even if I did manage to free him from Clarissa, I doubted he would even notice. He could scarcely look me in the eye much less acknowledge that he had once been one the most powerful High Lords in Prythian. Most of his thoughts were consumed with death – he wanted to die and even the thought of his mate waiting for him wasn't enough to make him want to live any longer. He didn't even want to be touched by his mate – by Brie, and I couldn't even begin to imagine what that would be like – couldn't imagine ever not wanting Feyre to touch me.

I needed to find Azriel – needed him to find someone or something to save Feyre from the constant sickness that ravaged her body. I wouldn't be of any use at all to Tamlin while my mate wasted away before my eyes. Cassian, Mor and Amren searched tirelessly for him and the Dream Weaver, to no avail. If he didn't want to be found, we wouldn't find him. Not without help from Tamlin, and in his present state of mind, the High Lord couldn't even help himself.

When I had nothing left inside of me to throw up, I winnowed back to the townhouse I owned in Velaris, and went upstairs to see if Feyre was feeling any better. Mor met me at the door and gave me an update on her weakened condition then left to give us some privacy. Tears blurred my vision as I stood motionless at edge of the bed staring down at her sickly pallor and I prayed to the Cauldron to save her before I sent a mental nudge down our shared bound to wake her.

"Rhys," she rasped, lifting her hand for me to grasp hold of and I moved to take a seat on the edge of the mattress, lacing my fingers with hers. "Where were you?"

"I went to see an old friend to ask if he could help me find Azriel," I said with a tight smile. "Unfortunately, he's unable to help anyone at the moment."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, lifting up from her pillows to kiss me.

"For what?"

"I can feel how upset you are about your friend…he must mean a lot to you."

"More than I thought possible," I admitted, chest tightening as Tamlin's horrifying memories flooded my mind. "How is our little male doing today?" I added, trying to use the change of subject to push the abuse I witnessed from my mind. "Has he moved inside of you yet?"

"Mor says it's too soon for the baby to move." She pulled me down to lie beside her, and shifted on her side to wrap her arm around me.

I studied the hollows of her cheeks and the dark smudges rimming her blue-gray eyes so reminiscent of how she looked when I first brought her to the Night Court, my breath caught in my throat. Tracing a finger along the bone in her cheek, I frowned. "Have you eaten yet today?"

"Mor brought me breakfast after you left this morning," she said, and without having to be told by Mor I knew she hadn't taken a bite of food.

"You have to eat, Feyre darling," I said, fear for her gnawing at my stomach. My hand slipped beneath her loose fitting shirt and my fingers grazed along each rib indented in her skin. "You've lost too much weight – far too much to be explained away by morning sickness…I'm afraid for you and our baby. I can't lose you – I can't. I feel it to my marrow that I will do terrible things if I do."

"I'll be okay and so will our baby boy," she said, sounding more confident and hopeful than I did about her chances of surviving this pregnancy. "Mor says that pregnancy is harder on Fae females than human ones and most of them don't have the family I do to take care of them." Her fingers traced along my forehead, brushing the hair from my eyes. "I'm so lucky you rescued me from that monster. I could feel myself dying inside as he placed more and more restrictions on me, but I would've stayed with him until there was nothing left of me if it weren't for you." She drew in a staggered breath and sighed. "With our baby on the way, I tried to find it within myself to forgive him for the hell he put me through, but I can't. I hate him so much, Rhys. Some days the hatred I feel for him consumes me and it's all I can think about. I can't even be happy about my own child because of him and it makes me hate him all the more."

I winced at the venom in her tone, and wanted to share with her what I had learned from invading Tamlin's mind, but in her fragile state I feared upsetting her even more than she already was. Still I asked, "Do you ever think about the good memories you shared with him?"

"No," she said without the slightest hesitation, shaking her head against the pillow. "He tricked me into staying with him at the manor, and I've come to realize that it was never love I felt for him. Every kindness he ever bestowed upon me was purposeful and necessary to free himself from Amarantha's curse. At the time, I loved not having to worry about starvation or taking care of my family. He gave me that veiled freedom, and I latched onto it calling it _love_ because I didn't know any better and it sickens me to think of how I craved his attention."

"You freed him from the curse, but it was him who freed us from Amarantha," I pointed out, wincing as she narrowed her eyes on me. "All I'm saying is that he isn't all bad. In fact, at one point I considered him my best friend. Az and Cassian are my brothers – ours is a bond that will never be broken, but there was a time when I gravitated toward Tamlin, and I sometimes think about the good times we shared before my mother and sister were murdered."

"You mean until he helped murder them," she said, resting her hand on the side of my face. "You're the best male I know, Rhys, and I love you with every breath I take –that's why it hurts me to think of you wasting one second on memories of the male that dragged you under and took your family from you."

"Let's not talk about him anymore," I said, noticing how she tried to hide a grimace of pain with a shaky smile. "I'm going to get you something to eat, and then I'm going to carry you outside to get some fresh air. And maybe if you're up for it, we can fly to the ocean."

"I don't think I could bear the weight on my back," she reluctantly admitted with a faint smile. "After the baby is born, we will fly with him to the ocean and I will paint the two of you on the beach."

"I meant that I would fly us to the ocean. We can have a day to ourselves for a change."

"Maybe some other time," she said, her hand sliding away from my face. "I'm tired, Rhys. The healers came by this morning after you left and left strict instructions that include complete bed rest…everything we want to do together is going to have to wait until he's born. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize our baby's life. I won't. He means too much too me already – I couldn't survive if he died."

"Then I won't leave your side until our son is born," I promised, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I want to be the one to take care of you and I don't want to miss a moment of our baby growing stronger inside of you. Other than you, I want to be the first person to feel him move around, and I fear that someone else will be there when it happens, and it won't be our special moment to share alone any longer. Mor, Amren and Cassian can take over the running of Velaris and the Court of Nightmares until the baby is born because this is the only place I want to be at the moment – no, not just this moment, being with you is the only place I ever want to be."

"I feel the same way," she whispered, leaning in to brush her lips against mine. "But," because there had to be a but, "you need to find Azriel. I don't know what happened between the two of you, yet I can feel how heartbroken you feel when you think of him. We need our family back together and that can't happen until the two of you make up. Not to mention that Elian is miserable. If I didn't know better, I would say that Azriel is her mate not Lucien. Nesta told me she hasn't left her bedroom in well over two weeks and she hears her crying from behind the locked door. And although I do feel bad for Lucien, I've prayed to the Cauldron every night that she breaks that cursed mate bond with him and finds lasting happiness with Azriel."

"He's in love with her."

"I know and it's heartbreaking to watch them together. They are in love, but neither of them will admit it to each other. And I can't help but wish that Lucien would bow out of her life gracefully instead of clinging to the hope that one day she'll return the love he feels for her. It reminds me of how Tamlin refused to see I no longer cared for him." She sighed wearily, and grasped hold my hand to kiss my knuckles. "Go find Azriel, Rhys. When the baby moves, I will call out to you through our shared bond, and I promise you'll be the first one to feel him move. If I have to, I'll paint the words 'do not touch my stomach' on every blouse I wear to keep my promise to you."

"If you do that, make certain it is all written in capital letters or else Mor won't realize it's a warning and won't be able to help herself if the baby moves before I return."

"Go now before I decide to keep you here naked in bed with me until the baby is born," she murmured, brushing her lips against mine again, her tongue teasing my mouth open as the kiss deepened, making it almost impossible for me to leave her. "Don't come back without him. Understand me?"

"Yes, Feyre darling," I said as I reluctantly got to my feet, and winked at her. "If I have to I'll bring him back kicking and screaming and let you deal with him."

I winnowed back to the border of Clarissa's land to keep watch for any sign of Tamlin. Maybe Brie hadn't told him where I could find Azriel, but he could find out through their shared mate bond. If I could find a time when he was alone, I would beg him if necessary to get a message to Azriel for me. The only problem was that he was never left alone. Every time I caught a glimpse of him outside, either Clarissa or several guards were with him. I felt humiliated for him as I watched Clarissa lead him around on a silver chain as she inspected her gardens, and winced as I saw her pick a dead flower and then slap one of the gardeners across the face as if it was his fault that the flower had died.

I could sit and wait for years and there would never be a good time to ask permission to speak to him, and it sickened me that he needed her expressed permission to speak. Without it, he was nothing more than a stone-faced mute. He might as well have been one of the statues in her gardens and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that was what he was. He was a living, breathing statue unable to comment on anything that interested him or brought him a hint of joy.

For well over two weeks I traveled back and forth from Velaris to the border of her land to see him, and as I watched him crumble before my eyes, my heart ached in my chest. There were days when he wore no shirt, and even though that stupid silver chain glistened in the sunlight all I saw were the bruises littered across his body and the stark lash marks crisscrossing his back. He didn't put up any fight at all as she tugged at his collar and led him around, stopping here and there to chat with her guests. All he ever did was keep his head down, listening as they mocked him and called him the High Lord of the Wooden Bench. They'd made him into a joke that everyone laughed at, but I wasn't laughing, and the longer I watched them, the angrier I became.

I leapt down from my perch in one of the tallest trees towering over the border, and strode to the entrance of the castle grounds. The iron bars of the gates twisted and bent, folding in upon themselves with a only a mere thought, and I casually strolled through the entrance as the guards shouted for me to stop. I pivoted to face them as one of the males claimed I needed expressed permission from Clarissa to enter her queendom, and I noted the arrows pointed at my chest.

"And who is going to stop me?" I said, pointing to a lean, shaggy haired guard. "You?" He exploded into blackened mist and the others screamed as I pointed to the chubbiest of the four guards. "Or you?" Again, the guard I pointed at exploded into a fine black mist, and without pointing the third guard disintegrated to mist. I looked to the final male, and he lowered his bow and waved me onward. "I thought you would see it my way," I chuckled, turning my back on him to walk away, and only made it a few feet before an arrow whizzed by me, mere inches from my right shoulder and embedded itself in the ground. "You had to try, right?" The last of the guards stationed at the tower died as the others had before him, and I couldn't bring myself to care at all.

I walked in long determined strides to where Clarissa sat with a group of well dressed males and females, and placed myself between her and Tamlin. She pretended not to notice me at first as she finished her conversation about the superiority of humans over Faes, proving her point by giving a sharp tug on Tamlin's collar.

"I came to speak to the High Lord of Spring alone," I said, interrupting her midsentence, and her friends eyes grew wide and a few of them gasped at the audacity I showed to the mortal queen.

"No," she stated simply, and returned to her conversation, dismissing me as if I couldn't crush her will to mine at any moment I chose.

"Oh, you will allow it or you will die where you sit," I warned, and her friends quickly excused themselves to rush off and hide. "I did not come all this way to speak to an insignificant troll, and even it is by force, I will make you allow him to speak to me."

"Oh, very well." She sighed dramatically. "You may go with the High Lord of Night and speak to him, but stay where I can see you. Is that understood, pet?"

He nodded meekly, not even closely resembling the male I once knew, and she handed over his chain to me as if she truly believed I would walk him like he was some sort of animal. I let it fall from my hand to slap against his skin.

"You are the biggest bitch I've ever met, and I've met some of the worst people that were ever created so that's saying something," I growled, glaring at her as Tamlin held out the chain for me to take to get me to walk away from her. I shook my head and strode away leaving him to follow me. We didn't go far and like a whipped dog he kept checking to see if she could still see him. It was enough to make my stomach twist and churn uncomfortably. "Stop," I ordered, catching hold of his jaw and holding it firmly in my hand. "You need to heal yourself, Tamlin," I added in a gentler tone. "Every damn day I see more and more hideous welts on your body not to mention the long lash marks torn out of your back."

"To what end?" he whispered hoarsely, not even trying to break free of my grasp on his jaw. "There will always be more bruises and lash marks to follow so why bother healing them?"

"Do you enjoy being on your knees for the men who beat you?" His shoulder caved inward, and I released my hold on him to scrub a hand down my face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm just trying to understand all of this. I've seen how bad it is for you, but it's still hard to wrap my head around."

"Did you need something, Rhys?" he said, dull lifeless green eyes briefly meeting mine before he lowered his head. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm not supposed to take my eyes off the ground…th-there was this girl – a stupid girl I saw three guards trying to rape. It was stupid to try to save her – I know that now. The guards lied to Clarissa, telling her that I was raping her, and along with the beating I received she ordered me to never look above the ground and the feet of the humans who are leading me around."

"It is never wrong to try to save someone from being hurt or raped, Tamlin. You know that. You were created to protect the innocent…let me take you home to the Spring Court. Once you're free, I'll find a way to cure whatever sickness the collar causes."

"Kill me, Rhys," he uttered, throwing his arms out wide. "Please…please. I can't live like this – I can't…what's wrong in my head can never be cured. Not ever. Not for as long as I live."

"You would have me kill you when you have a mate who needs you?"

"No one needs me. You taught me that lesson yourself," he said and I blew out a heavy breath. It was much, much worse than I'd imagined and I had a hand in breaking him beyond repair. "Please, Rhys. You've wanted me dead for the longest time and that's why I want you to be the one to do it."

"All right," I said after a lengthy pause, hating myself for using his wish for death to my advantage. "If you use your mate bond with Brie to find Azriel for me, I will do as you ask." He nodded without even considering the possibility that I could harm his mate if I knew where she was. "You trust the life of your mate into my hands?"

"You won't harm her," he said, placing his full trust in me to care for Brie when he died. "You've seen from my memories that she is nothing like her mother. She removed the trigger from Feyre's mind and also never harmed Azriel after he brought the collar to Clarissa. She needs family, and that's what you are."

"You really are serious about wanting me to kill you, aren't you?" Lips pursed, I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Tamlin, but I can't do what you ask. I would kill her for you, but that would start a war with the humans and ruin any chance of peace between the mortals and the Fae."

"I wish you would've at last tried to kill her," he admitted, glancing over my shoulder at her. "Then you would've killed me as I fought to protect her."

"When I find your mate, I am going to convince her to weave into that bitch's dreams and kill her." Resting a hand on his shoulder, I ducked my head to catch his eye. "I owe you your freedom, Tam – I owe you. If I had taken the time to look into your mind a long time ago, I would've done almost everything differently. I can't change what is in the past, but I feel as if I can help you recover from this – this horrible ordeal, and maybe someday the Spring Court and the Night Court will be allies as it should have been when our fathers' died."

"I'm afraid, Rhys," he admitted, a single tear slipping down his cheek. It was all he allowed himself, rubbing his palms into his eyes to ground away any other traitorous tears. If he shed more than one tear for himself, he would never recover from it. "I've far exceeded the point of what I can take physically and mentally, and it's only going to get worse after you leave."

"Then leave with me. I'll kill anyone who tries to stop us from walking out of here."

"I can't – my body won't allow it. It belongs to her…I tried once before and I didn't even make it to the gate."

"What if you had no choice in the matter?" My wings appeared and fanned wide, arching high above my head. "I'll take you to Velaris and have Cas –"

"And trade one prison for another?" He shook his head. "Even if I did accept your offer, I would claw you to shreds before we made it to the border."

Eyeing the angry red grooves beneath his silver collar, I gave a curt nod. Even during the worst moments as Amarantha's whore I had a certain amount of control over any given situation. I planned and prepared for everything, using my position Under the Mountain to work toward freeing all of Prythian. Amarantha was cruel and manipulative, no doubt about it, but not even she did the kind of things I'd seen in Tamlin's memories. Yet for Feyre I would have made the same choice of putting on the collar as he had and it would have broken me as well.

"Have you tried to harm yourself, Tam?" I asked as gently as I could under the circumstances. I could have peeked into his mind for the answer, but I needed him to trust me. "How close have you come to committing suicide?"

"I have to go, Rhys." He nudged his head at Clarissa, answering my question without saying the words.

"Don't do it," I said, catching hold of his arm as he tried to move around me to go back to her. "Give me some time to figure this out, okay? And once you're free we'll work on rebuilding what she broke inside of you."

"Don't come back again – you're only making it worse for me." He laughed almost hysterically like a madman, and right then and there I almost buckled and put him out of his misery. "Unless that's what you're hoping will happen."

"It's not." My arm fell loosely to my side and he trudged back to Clarissa to hand her the silver leash. She smiled gloatingly at me and I gave her the finger. From what I'd seen in his memories, I couldn't even begin to imagine what she must've done to him that was worse than what I'd already seen.

When I returned to Velaris I went straight to the House of Wind to speak to Cassian. I found him with Mor and Amren sitting at the table discussing how to find Azriel if he didn't want to be found, and asked them if I could speak to Cassian alone. They must've sensed how shaken I was by my meeting with Tamlin as neither of them voiced reasons why they should stay if we were all working toward the same goal of locating Azriel. Mor rested a hand on my arm and studied me for a long moment before she headed out of the dining area.

"Did you find him?" Cassian asked once we were alone, concern etched into every line of his face. "Is he okay, Rhys?"

"I need you to gather up our armies and lay siege to Queen Clarissa's queendom," I said, taking a seat opposite him at the table. "Even if they surrender without a fight, I want the queen to be drawn and quartered. After she hanged and is nearly dead I want her cut down and sliced open wide to have her guts spilled out for all the humans to witness."

His siphons began to glow crimson. "What did she do – did she hurt Azriel?"

"No." I shook my head and clasped my shaking hands, resting them on the table. "What she's done – what she continues to do is a vile affront to every Fae in Prythian. When her body is quartered, I will send one piece to the remaining four mortal queens so they will see with their own eyes what will happen to them if they ever think to harm any Fae ever again. But her head will sit on a spike outside of her queendom until it rots there."

"What has she done, Rhys?" he asked again, holding my gaze. "I've only seen you this angry once before and that was after your mother and sister were murdered. Did she have him killed?"

"No, I already told you Azriel is fine as far as I know," I said, trying to figure out how to say that I was beyond angry at the mortal queen for brutalizing Tamlin. "It's Tamlin."

"What has he done now?" he asked, hands balling into tight fists. "It must be pretty bad if you're sending your armies to slaughter his wife."

"It's Tamlin I'm trying to save," I added to clarify and his hazel eyes widened considerably. "I've been very wrong about a lot of things, and I need to be the one to rescue him from her."

"Rescue him – a powerful High Lord – from her? You'll have to forgive me for finding that absurd. He could shred her to pieces or call upon a Spring storm to strike her down where she stands."

"Azriel took the silver collar Koray had made for Kara to enslave her and handed it over to Clarissa to enslave Tamlin," I added, and he sucked in a breath, shaking his head as the full weight of what the Night Court was personally responsible for, sunk in. "He did it to save Tamlin's mate –"

"His mate?" he cut in, scrubbing a hand down his face. "When did he find his mate and how did we not know about it?"

"His mate is my cousin – the Dream Weaver."

"Oh, fuck…we're so screwed, Rhys." Pushing to his feet, he began to pace as he likely considered all the brutal ways to die she could weave into our dreams. "Why would Az save her? That doesn't make any sense at all."

"She's not like her mother," I said to alleviate his fears, but he didn't look convinced. "I wanted her dead, too. When I abducted her, I planned to end her life, but she placed a trigger in Feyre's mind to keep herself safe from us."

"Is that why Feyre is so ill?"

"She removed the trigger and she didn't weave into Azriel's dreams after Clarissa placed the collar around her mate's throat – she knew to a certain extent that Tamlin would suffer while enslaved by Clarissa, but she hasn't harmed Az, Cas. It's my guess he is trying to help her find a way to free Tamlin from the collar."

He slumped back in his chair, his wings accommodated by design. "How bad is it?"

"Very bad and I likely made it much worse by misting four of her guards."

"But he'll be okay though, right? He can heal –"

"He asked me – no, begged me to kill him. I think he has tried to commit suicide at least once, but if she doesn't want him to die, he won't be able to complete the act which is good for us."

"You know what she's done to him?" he asked, and I nodded. "You can't tell me, can you?"

"No, I will keep that knowledge to myself for the rest of my life," I said, rubbing at the moisture gathering in my eyes. "Not even Feyre will know what I have seen."

"She'll pay for what she's done to one of our High Lords," he growled, slamming his fist down hard on the table. "I'll gather our armies immediately."

"I want to see the faces of every guard and every human under her rule. Those who I find guilty from the memories I have seen will be beheaded while the humans watch."

"What are you going to tell Feyre? She'll want to know why our armies are invading mortal lands?"

"I'll tell her it is an act of mercy for an old friend who was captured by the mortal queen."

"You don't want her to know it is Tamlin you're rescuing?"

"I want to help him, Cas." I shrugged a shoulder. "My perspective on what happened to my mother and sister colored the way she saw Tamlin, and then with what happened to her sisters – I'm not sure if we can ever be friends again, but knowing what I know now, I'd like to try to rekindle our friendship or at the very least become allies. It may amount to nothing as he is so broken and messed up in the head, but for all we took from him, I want to be the one to try to restore him to the male he once was."

"You'll have to tell her at some point. She'll need to know what brought about your change of heart about him."

"I'm not going give her any more stress to deal with at the moment. When the baby is born, I'll share with her the things I can tell her and make it very clear that I want a strong alliance with the Spring Court."

"Should I wait for you to join the siege?" he said, getting to his feet once more. "Or do you want it over with as quickly as possible?"

"I want her to feel the terror of having no way out – I want her to know what it's like to lose herself in that fear, and then I want to crush her."

"If Tamlin is under her control, she could send him out to tear through our armies," he pointed out the very real possibility that the male we were trying to save would fight to the death for the bitch that held him captive. His momentary outrage that a mortal queen would dare to harm a High Lord quickly gave way to concern about the males who served in our armies. "Not to mention that our forces won't be thrilled when they realize we are trying to rescue the High Lord they've been told is their enemy."

"Last I checked I'm the High Lord of the Night Court which means they don't get a say in who we should help and who we should leave to be tortured." I looked up at him and noted how the muscle in his cheek twitched as if he wanted to say something but feared he might be overstepping the leeway I gave him. "If you have something to say then say it."

"I think your guilt is driving you to act in haste. Since we are the humans' strongest ally, we have to be smart about this or we will be opening the door for other Courts to invade their lands. I'm not saying that the mortal queen should go free or the males that helped her harm him, but perhaps it would be wise to consider finding Azriel first and then the three of us can do what's necessary to free Tamlin from her hold on him."

"It could take time he doesn't have to find Az," I countered, Tamlin's memories flashing through my mind as I considered his suggestion. "If it were me in his place, would you still suggest waiting for days or weeks to rescue me?"

"That's an unfair question," he said, wings flaring open at the thought of me being trapped by Clarissa. "You're my family and I would do anything – risk everything to save you. But if we do this – if we lay siege to her queendom, it will be an act of war that we won't be able to keep secret, and soon enough the other Courts will overrun the humans' land. How will we stop them when it was us who attacked first?"

"One week." I held up one finger. "If we don't find Az in that amount of time then we will follow through on my plan.


	30. Chapter 30

**Thanks again for taking the time to read and a special thanks for those who have reviewed :)**

Chapter Thirty

_Brie_

After our first month apart the beautiful dreams I shared with Tamlin turned into nightmares of me chasing after him but never catching him. He couldn't escape sleep for more than a day or two at a time, but he could escape me. I would only catch glimpses of him and then he would run as if I were some horrid creature trying to kill him. His fear and anger colored our shared dreamscape in shades of gray and black, no burst of color to give me hope that everything would be all right.

Black rose petals scattered on every harsh breeze and thick black smoke always covered the dead fields of wildflowers we once walked through together. The Starlight Pool where we had made love for the first time had turned into a swamp filled with thick black sludge with a four smelling oily substance bubbling up to the surface. The manor we had lovingly restored in our dreams of a life together had returned to a charred pile of rubble still smoldering even though the fire had been put out months ago. The strong, acrid sent of smoke and rotted decay hung heavy and oppressive in the air making it almost too difficult to breathe sometimes, and I would wake abruptly gasping for air with his name on my lips.

Those were the nights I seriously contemplated ending Azriel's life. If he hadn't brought Clarissa the collar she'd enslaved Tamlin with, he would be with us instead of with her. My mother urged me to seek revenge against him, and if it hadn't been for Lilianna's constant reminders that Azriel was a good man who was forced to make a difficult choice, I might have unleashed my power on him. Deep down inside of me I knew she was right and that Azriel had saved me as well as Lilianna and Lucien, but the cost had been too high for me to bear most days.

When Tamlin started leaving me notes carved into the dead husks of once beautiful flowering trees, telling me to stop invading his dreams and to leave him alone, I considered doing as he asked as my presence in his nightmares only served to make him more miserable, and would have to if Lucien hadn't begged me to keep trying to reach him through his dreams. He argued that even if Tamlin didn't want to see me, I was his only tether to the world beyond the border of Clarissa's queendom. So I started leaving him carved notes in the same trees to remind him that I would wait for him forever if need be and that our mate bond was much stronger than anything anyone could do to tear us apart.

_No, it isn't_.

Those words he carved deep into every tree tore my heart open wide. That was the second to last note he carved for me. The last words he wrote weren't for me but for Azriel telling him that Feyre was very ill and he needed to return to Velaris. Anger tightened in my chest that he cared more about the woman who'd made his life a living hell than his own mate. He didn't care about his own life or the life of his mate, but he couldn't allow the High Lady of the Night Court to suffer even for a moment. No, he had to save her with a carved message in a tree, and I wanted to hate her for the concern he felt for her – my pride demanding he put me first above all other women, and that pride withered when I did as he asked three days later. It was selfish of me to wait so long to tell him, yes, but it took me that long to realize that our happiness couldn't rely on someone else's suffering, and if she was sick and in need of Azriel's help I couldn't be the one to keep him from going home.

Azriel left for home within an hour of being told about Feyre's illness, leaving us to try to find a way to free Tamlin on our own. He promised he would return as soon as he could, but I didn't put much stock in his promises. He also had promised he'd save Tamlin and that amounted to absolutely nothing. I turned my back on him as he said his goodbyes and went inside the cottage we'd rented by the ocean in the southernmost part of the humans' land. Lucien and Lilianna followed a few minutes later, and as she busied herself making lunch, he slumped in the chair opposite of me at the small wooden table.

"He'll be back," he said, giving a curt nod and I couldn't be certain if he was trying to convince me or himself. "Once Feyre is better he'll come back and help us find a way to break that damn collar."

"Or he won't," I said, staring unseeingly at the red and white checkered tablecloth. "We have to move forward under the assumption that he won't return. Then if he does by some chance return, my faith will be restored in Illyrian promises."

"It's not as if he hasn't been searching for the answers we need," Lilianna said as she brought three plates to the table and set them down in front of us and placed one where she would sit when she finished making sandwiches for us. "Don't forget it was him who learned that your ancestor created the collar by infusing it with his own power – that it nearly stripped him of every ounce of power he possessed to create it."

"That really doesn't help us though, does it?" Lucien said, absentmindedly running his finger along the edge of the chipped plate. "We already know that the collar is powerful magic. It's as useless as all of the other information we've dug up so far."

"Well, it's more than we knew a few weeks ago," she said optimistically, turning away from us to return to the counter to slice the fresh baked bread Lucien had bought from the street market. "And I feel as if it's important, but we just don't see how yet."

"What do you know of this High Lord Koray, Lucien?" I asked, hoping that Lilianna was right.

"Why would I know anything about him?" He shrugged a shoulder. "It's not as if I was around when he was alive. The only things I know you already have learned from Azriel. He was a tyrant who kept both human and Fae as slaves and he was killed by the High Lord of the Autumn Court two months after Kara killed herself. Neither of those two bits of information is remotely useful to us."

"If most of his power was stripped from him, how could he pass such great power along to the next High Lord?" Lilianna asked, glancing over her shoulder at Lucien. "That doesn't make sense, Lucien."

"This happened a long time ago and there have been several High Lords since Koray. The heir is always chosen by the power he already possesses. If he is powerful enough, he becomes High Lord and the power of the previous High Lords is bestowed upon him. What little power Koray still possessed would've transferred to the new High Lord and so on and so forth until the present High Lord." He paused as Lilianna brought him a thick ham sandwich setting it on his plate, and he winked in thanks. "From the information we've gathered there were several turnovers of High Lords of the Night Court after Koray was executed only ending when Rhysand's father became the new High Lord. It stands to reason that by then the full power of the High Lord had been restored and that is why Rhysand is so powerful."

"While I'm sure it was an interesting history lesson for you and Azriel, to me it's just a bunch of useless information," I said, pushing aside the plate when she put a sandwich on it. "I want to see him, Lucien. It's been two months – two brutally long months with nothing more than assurances from you and Az that he's a powerful High Lord and that means he's fine. I've told you about our shared dreams and the nightmares they've become – he's not okay. Take me to see him or I will go by myself."

He swallowed a bite of his sandwiched, washed it down with sweet herbal tea, and shook his head. "If we get caught, it'll only make it worse for him. At the moment he's at the queen's mercy…not that she has any, and I refuse to make it any worse for him."

"And yet you have gone to see him many times over the past two months," I countered, holding his gaze.

"Azriel told you I –"

"Yes, he told me," I snapped, cutting him off from trying to explain why he'd kept it a secret, and Lilianna winced at the tone of my voice. "He said you'd leave him for hours at a time using one excuse or another, and that he followed you one of those times. What else can I think other than it must be incredibly bad if you've kept these visits to yourself all this time?"

"I kept it a secret as much for him as for you," he said, dropping his half eaten sandwich on the plate. "It would kill him if you saw him right now. That's why he runs from you in your shared dreams. He's broken and ashamed and if he knew you saw him like that, it would shred him into a million pieces. I don't want to be response for that."

"I'm his mate –"

"And I'm his best friend, and I'm pleading with you not to force the issue."

"Lucien is right," Lilianna said, setting her own sandwich on a plate and taking a seat beside Lucien. Reaching across the table, she grasped hold of my hand. "What Tamlin is enduring right now isn't something he wants you to know about. It's like how we kept our uncle's abuse a secret from everyone. I was embarrassed and ashamed, not to mention being afraid and I didn't want anyone to know what happened whenever he got angry so I let you hide the bruises and cuts."

"You knew he went to see Tamlin?"

"Lucien doesn't keep secrets from me," she stated confidently, let going of my hand as a smile twitched at Lucien's lips. "I agreed with him that it wouldn't do either of you any good if you learned of the true extent of his – captivity."

"You don't get to make that decision for me, Lili," I said, pushing my chair away from the table to get to my feet. "If I don't know the extent of what he is dealing with, I stand no chance of reaching him once he is freed. The two of you had no right to keep any of this from me."

"Weave into her dreams, Brie," Lucien said as I started toward the door to go outside away from them. "Kill her in her sleep and it will be over with."

"Tamlin asked me not to do that," I said without turning to face them. "And I promised him I wouldn't use my power to harm anyone whether they deserved it or not. Even in our shared dreams, the ones before he started hiding from me, he said it would only serve to make everyone fear me and that we would never be able to live in peace if I murdered someone in their sleep."

"There are some people so wicked and vile that rule should never apply to them," he said, and getting up from his chair, he circled to face me. "She is the exception to that rule, Brie. Kill her for not only Tamlin, but yourself and for me."

"There has to be another way, Lucien. If I kill her coldbloodedly, I am no better than she is or my mother was."

"It could take us years to find a way to break the power the collar possesses," he said, throwing out his arms wide in frustration. "Your need to not be like your mother and the need he felt to sacrifice himself for the people he loves is going to end badly for both of you – hell, it already has but you just haven't realized it yet."

"What if we asked the other four mortal queens for their help?" I said as a terrible ache spread through me hearing his dire prediction.

"Tamlin would tear them apart if they stepped foot on the castle grounds. He won't want to, but she controls his body," he said, glancing over my shoulder at Lilianna.

"What about the other High Lords? If he's being held against his will surely they would come to his aid."

He laughed at that. "Most of them hate him enough to relish the idea of him being her plaything, and the one or possibly two Courts that might feel sympathetic toward him won't risk angering the Night Court by sending an army into a battle where they would be fighting the male they are trying to rescue."

"Then where does that leave us?" I said as my mother whispered through my mind to do as Lucien asked – to kill Clarissa in worst possible way. "What if I wove into the dreams of the men who burned down the manor, and pushed them into coming to his rescue?"

"That could work," he replied after a lengthy pause, his golden eye whizzing as he considered my suggestion. "How long would it take to infiltrate their dreams?"

"One night and they would be under my control," I said, bristling at the thought of controlling them they way Clarissa controlled Tamlin. I couldn't fathom why I would feel any sort of reluctance at using the men who burned down Tamlin's home and dragged me across the border to be locked in a dungeon, but I did and I hoped that made me better than my mother. "I could set a trigger in their minds that would push them to invade Clarissa's castle and lock her and her guards away in the dungeon until Tamlin is freed from the collar."

"I know you don't want to hear this, but she needs to die for what she's done. Not just be locked up for her crimes against your mate – she needs to be executed in such a way that no mortal queen ever thinks to cross a Fae again," he said, and Lilianna pushed up from her chair to join us.

"What if Azriel can convince Rhysand to bring his armies to the queen's borders?" she said, looking to Lucien first and then me. "Before he left I asked him to speak to Rhysand on our behalf. He could be our strongest ally in our attempts to save Tamlin. Or we could speak to Feyre – maybe she does hate him, but in my heart I can't believe she would want to see him suffering the way he is."

"This is Rhysand's fault," I said, preferring her idea to the one where I would have to manipulate the minds of every High Fae involved in the burning of Tamlin's – our home. "Take us to see Rhysand, Lucien. Tamlin is married to that evil creature because of him so he damn well better help us. If he chooses not to help, then he better pray the Cauldron shows him mercy because I will not."

"You sound like your mother," Lucien pointed out, and Lilianna elbowed him in the side. "All I'm saying is that your mother bent Fae to her will by using the threat of her weaving abilities. Do you want to be known as the Dream Weaver who frightened High Lords into doing her bidding – or would you prefer to be the female who showed restraint and compassion for your enemies? They may fear you but they will never respect you or Tamlin if you delve into Rhysand or his family's dreams to cause them to kill themselves."

"What other choice do I have when dealing with a powerful High Lord, Lucien? You make it sound so easy. Refrain from using the powers my mother bestowed upon me when I need them most – how do I do that and save my mate at the same time?" I shook my head. "I can't. One way or another it's going to come down to me weaving into someone's dreams to get them to do what I need them to do."

"We could plead our case to the Fae of Velaris," Lilianna said with a smile. What she had to smile about baffled me, but for whatever reason it made Lucien's brows pull together in anger. "We reveal to them that she is the Dream Weaver and make it clear that she has no desire to harm anyone the way her mother did – that she doesn't want to use her awful powers to save her mate and that's why she's come to the Night Court seeking Rhysand's help. Maybe they would still fear you or maybe they might feel sympathy for you, but either way they would all cry out for Rhysand to take care of the problem you represent."

"If I agree to this, you're staying here, Lili," Lucien said, folding his arms across his chest. "I won't put your life in danger by placing you in front of what could be an angry mob."

"I'm going with you, Lucien," she said, following his lead and folding her arms across her chest. "No matter what you do, you can't stop it from happening. I'm going to speak to Feyre and by the time I'm finished the anger she's harboring toward Tamlin will be gone."

"You're not coming with us," he gritted out, and opened his mouth to say something more but I cut him off.

"She can't stay here alone, Lucien. You've seen the men who travel back and forth from the docks, and have heard the crude things they say – hell, you've beaten a few of them to a pulp for some of their remarks about what they'd like to do to her. What do you think would happen if you weren't here and they came around?"

"Fine, she can go with us, but she has to promise to stay hidden in my townhouse until we are finished meeting with Rhysand. Nothing good will come of her speaking to Feyre – that much I'm certain of."

"I agree with you," I said before Lilianna could disagree. "If they see her as a way to get to me, it could turn out badly for all of us. So she will stay hidden at your townhouse."

Lucien let out what could only be considered a thankful sigh of relief, and merely shrugged when her eyes narrowed on him. "Don't be angry, Lili. I'm only trying to keep you safe and alive."

"Impossible," she uttered, pivoting on her heel to head toward the bedroom we shared.

"Nothing's impossible, sweetheart," he called out as she entered the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her then he returned his attention to me. "I swear your sister is going to be the death of me. Every time I tell her she shouldn't do something, she finds a way to do it anyway. Like the whole flying with Azriel thing – it's dangerous, Brie. He could've dropped her. Or that day I took her to the ocean after we returned from searching for a way to free Tamlin – I told her not to go swimming, I clearly warned her that her white dress would be see-through, but did she listen." Pursing his lips, he shook his head. "Nope, and I ended up fighting the three males who couldn't keep their eyes to themselves."

"You're in love with her," I said, heart swelling with joy that my sister had found a good man to take care of her and that he had found the same in her.

"No, I have a mate," he said, shaking his head emphatically. "I'm just pointing out that she needs to be more careful."

"Do you love your mate?"

"Of course I do," he answered defensively.

"Why?"

"What kind of question is that? I love her because I love her. It's that simple."

"That's not an answer," I chuckled as his color blossomed in his cheeks. "I love Tamlin because even when he's sad he tries to make me happy. I love that he gets flustered when he wants to tell me something important about himself and gets this nervous tick right here." I tapped at my right cheek. "I love that he gets excited about showing me things I've never seen before, and watches my expressions to see if I love them as much as he does. I love the quiet times we lived in our shared dreams when we would lay together in fields of wildflowers and no words were needed to express how good it was to be together in those beautiful surroundings. I love that he tries his damnedest to be a better man than his father was and that he struggles with his failures – I love his failures as without them he wouldn't be the man he is trying so hard to be now…I love him."

"We're going to save him," he whispered hoarsely, blinking away the moisture gathering in his russet eye. "And to answer your question – Other than what Feyre has told me about Elian, I haven't learned a single thing about her. When I enter a room, she finds reasons to leave. In the almost three years since I met her, we haven't spoken more than a few words to each other at any given time. And if I was to be truthfully honest with you, I don't really like her much. And the feeling is mutual. I bought her this stupid pair of enchanted gloves for Winter Solstice because Feyre said she liked gardening and she never wore them. I stopped by at their townhouse one time and saw one of the females tending the gardens with her wearing them."

"Have you ever considered the possibility that being someone's mate doesn't have to mean that you have to be married or whatever it is the Fae call it. Maybe your people – our people have put too much importance on the mate bond as a way of telling who should be together romantically. Yes, sometimes it works as in the case of Rhysand and Feyre, but I have heard many stories around the fires at night of how foolish the Fae are for shackling themselves to someone they aren't suited for simply because of some intangible bond. Are they wrong, Lucien? Are all mates blissfully happy or are there a lot of them who are unhappy but the physical bond keeps them in an unsuitable relationship?"

"They aren't wrong," he reluctantly admitted, glancing at the closed bedroom door. "There are many stories of mates who bring nothing but misery to each other. Rhysand's own mother and father were ill-suited to be mates and when Rhys was old enough she moved to the Illyrian camps with him while his father stayed at the Night Court." He chewed at his lower lip as he contemplated what he shared with me and shook his head. "It doesn't matter though. The mate bond will always win over any feelings someone has for another male or female."

"So, if you were deeply in love with someone – so much so that you couldn't go a day without seeing them, and then your true mate happens to come into the picture, all those feelings are forgotten as if they never existed? And you don't even have to like them or have anything in common? That seems ridiculous to me. If I didn't like Tamlin, I sure as hell wouldn't shackle myself to him, mate bond be damned."

"You don't understand what –"

"Oh, but I do," I cut in, anger for my sister's impending heartbreak blossoming in my chest. "Stay away from my sister, Lucien. All your little outings with her – all the games you play to make her fall in love with you, that stops now. Have I made myself clear?"

"You can't order me to stop spending time with Lili. I only have a short amount of time left to spend with her, and I'm not going to give up a single moment of it. Not for you or anyone."

I lifted a brow at the venom in his tone. "Not even for Elian?"

"If you want to hear me say I'm in love with your sister, fine I'll say it. I'm hopelessly in love with Lili." Scrubbing a hand down his face, he blew out a heavy breath. "I love her – I'm in love with her, but for reasons I can't explain to you, it will lead to nothing but heartbreak for me if I ever say it to her. So I'm asking you not to interfere in this Cauldron cursed relationship we do have for her sake and mine."

"If your relationship with my sister wasn't _cursed_ as you call it, would you choose her over Elian?"

"In all likelihood no," he answered truthfully, and even though I wanted to claw his eye out for saying he'd choose Elian, I still begrudgingly respected him for it. "You weren't raised to believe as strongly in the bond between mates as I was, but you do know how it felt when it clicked into place with Tamlin. It's a powerful force within you, driving you relentlessly to be with that one specific person. No Fae has ever been strong enough to break their overwhelming desire to be with anyone other than their mate, and I highly doubt I'll be the first."

"Then it's not love you feel for Lilianna," I said, eyeing him up and down as if truly seeing him for the first time. "It's lust."

Suddenly finding the hardwood floor utterly fascinating to stare intently at, he muttered, "Maybe you're right. It must be lust."

My fingers itched with the need to slap him hard across the face for leading her on the way he did, but my time and energy would be better served in actively interfering anytime he tried to get her to run off alone with him. "We should get going." Done with him and this conversation, I crossed the living room, knocked once our shared bedroom door in case she was changing her clothes, and entered only to find the bedroom empty. I scanned the small room once, taking in the armoire and large single bed before my gaze landed on the breeze blowing in from the open window causing the curtains to gently sway back and forth. "Lilibug?" I called out, checking inside the armoire even though I knew she wasn't there, and looked under the bed as well. I went to the open window and looked around outside. "Lili! LILI!"

Lucien raced into the bedroom, his golden eye whizzing frantically for any sign of where she might be hiding from us. "Where is she?"

"I don't know," I gritted out, pointing at the open window. "She's gone, Lucien."

"No, she's not." He crouched and looked under the bed then reached under it and pulled out a piece of paper that must have blown off the mattress and was carried on the breeze until it landed under the bed. Clearing his throat, not once but twice, he read what it said.

_Dearest Brieanna,_

_I am so sorry that I left without saying goodbye. You would've tried to talk me into staying if I had told you I needed to leave – that I couldn't stay any longer because someone would always get in the way of the tasks I need to accomplish. Don't come searching for me. Go to see Rhysand and Feyre. They can help you save your mate. It is my greatest hope that we will see each other one last time before my second death, but if not I want you to know that I love you so much and wish nothing but happiness for you…._

_Lilianna_

The paper crumpled in his hand, and he angrily threw it across the room. It lightly bounced off the wall and dropped to the floor. "Stupid female," he growled, rubbing at his russet eye. "She's going to get herself killed running off alone."

"What did she mean by her second death?" I mumbled, staring at the ball of paper. "Do you know what she meant by that, Lucien?"

"How would I know what some silly little human girl means when she writes or speaks?" As he spoke his golden eye honed in on the open window and the woods beyond it, and began to whiz as he tried to find her within their darkened depths. "I'll winnow you to my townhouse in Velaris and then come back and look for her."

"You expect me to leave when my sister is missing?" I asked incredulously.

"It will take me a matter of minutes to winnow you to Velaris and come back to search for her." He rested his hands on each of my shoulders and looked me in the eye. "We can't save Tamlin and look for your sister at the same time unless we split up, Brie. I will find her for you – no matter what it takes, I will find her and make certain she never leaves you again. And while I'm doing that you will convince Rhysand it's in his best interest to save Tamlin."

"If anything happens to her –"

"It won't," he cut in, shaking his head. "We're wasting time," he added, roughly pulling me to his chest and winnowing to his townhouse in Velaris before I could argue against it. "Make yourself at home." He waved a hand around the empty living room. There wasn't a single piece of furniture or decorations of any sort to prove anyone even lived in the townhouse. "There's a bed and some towels upstairs if you are tired or need to wash up, and money hidden in my top dresser drawer to buy yourself something nice to wear for when you meet Rhysand – I'm not here very often and I don't ever have any guests over so I guess it is what is."

"How utterly sad your life must be," I said, taking in the hollow emptiness of the living room.

"My home is in the Spring Court, and I promise you my room wasn't empty when it burned to the ground."

He winnowed away before I could respond, leaving me to decide what I should do first. With my mind so focused on Lilianna, I couldn't think could scarcely breathe. _Does she really believe she's going to die again?_ I'd brought her back from death once, but no once cheated death. I knew that to my very core. Had I only bought her a few extra months of life, and this was her way of telling me she didn't have much longer to live? It wasn't as if I hadn't noticed the changes in her or how Azriel hung on her every word as if he might glean some important bit of wisdom that he'd failed to learn in his five and a half centuries of living.

She'd always been braver than me, but now it seemed as if she had no fear at all. She lived boldly as if she needed to experience everything all at once – as if she didn't have much time to waste on savoring single moments of joy.

_She's going to die. _Tears blurring my vision, my knees went wobbly and I dropped to the ground. Lucien had called their relationship _Cauldron cursed_ because he knew – he knew she was going to die and had no intention of telling me. Azriel knew the truth as well, and maybe even Tamlin knew she didn't have long to live. Not one of them told me – not one of them felt I needed to know that she wouldn't be around much longer.

Doubling over, heartbroken sobs racked my body, tears rolling down my cheeks to splatter on the rich mahogany hardwood floor. I cried and cried for my sister and Tamlin and for myself. I'd already lost my mate to the cruel tortures he endured on a daily basis that ravaged his mind and now I would loss her as well. There would be no one left – no one I loved. My father, mother, step-mother, sister and Tamlin. They were my life and my world and one by one they were being taken from me.

I couldn't even have guess how long I knelt on the ground with my arms hugging my stomach, forehead almost touching the polished wood floor. It could have been hours or days before a strange sense of numbness set in, and I might've stayed that way forever if someone hadn't crouched and lifted me into his arms, cradling me to his chest. Shadows enveloped me and calmness seeped into my body.

"You terrified Lucien's neighbors," Azriel whispered, "They thought he was torturing someone, and sent word to us to investigate."

"What are we going to do with her?" came an unfamiliar deep, rich male voice, but I didn't bother to look at his face.

"She is my cousin and we will treat her as family as long as she gives us no reason not to," Rhysand said, and then we were walking toward the door and down the stairs into the street. "Where are Lucien and your sister, Brie?"

"I-I don't know," I rasped, eyes too swollen and blurry to taken in my surroundings to mentally map my way back to Lucien's townhouse. "And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."

"Fair enough," he said, unfazed by my comment. "It's not as if I've given you any reason to trust me yet. Perhaps that will change once I send my armies to free Tamlin."

"You're going to – is he serious, Azriel?"

"Yes, he is, little dove," he assured me, "Cas has already prepared our armies to lay siege to her queendom, but the three of us and Lucien will be doing most of the dirty work."

"Put me down," I said, and he obliged setting me lightly on the ground. I rounded on him and looked him up and down through tear-swollen eyes. "Did you know my sister doesn't have long to live?"

"It wasn't my place to tell you," he said with a weary sigh. "I told her she should prepare you for when it happened, but she's far more stubborn than any female I have ever met. If she told you now the time must be close."

"No," I shook my head emphatically, "NO! My sister is not going to die! I won't let her die."

"I'm afraid not even you can stop death, Dream Weaver," Rhysand said, and to his credit he didn't sound happy about it. "I will send Cassian and our cousin Morrigan to find her and bring her to Velaris to live out the rest of her days with you."

"She won't allow it," Azriel said, looking from Cassian to Rhysand. "She has tasks the Higher Beings sent her back to complete and if she fails in accomplishing them she won't move on to a better place. She'll go to the other place – the dark place and I don't want that for her and neither should you."

"Do you know what these tasks are?" Cassian asked, sounding intrigued by the idea of Higher Beings and a better place waiting for all of us after we died.

"I believe one of them was to get Brie and Rhysand together so the Spring and Night Courts could become allies." He waved a hand at me then Rhysand. "She said you would have to meet with him without her or any decisions you made would be influenced out of fear for her safety."

"But she wanted to come to Velaris. She argued with Lucien when he told her she couldn't come with us."

"She does want to come to Velaris," he agreed, motioning for us to continue walking as other Fae started to take notice of us. "Lili wants to speak to Feyre alone. She says there will be no peace between our two Courts if Feyre still harbors hatred in her heart for Tamlin, and I agree with her. Her Higher Beings allowed her to show me two possible worlds – the first was Prythian as it should be with all Courts working together to restore it to a time of beauty none of us remembers. And the second was one with constant fighting amongst the Courts with darkness spreading outward from the Night Court to engulf every square inch of land."

"Will she die when she's finished speaking to Feyre?" Rhysand asked.

"For as bad as it has been for Tamlin, I think everything has happened as it is suppose to happen," Azriel said, nodding to a group of artists painting portraits along the cobbled streets and they waved and smiled at him. "If you hadn't entered his mind and delved deeper after witnessing what he's been through, you wouldn't have let go of the past that has driven you toward revenge for the longest time. With that knowledge I would have to say she will die once she speaks to Feyre."

"You haven't seen torture and humiliation he has gone through," Rhysand growled, and I flinched at the anger in his tone and the images his words conjured in my mind. "If this is how they manipulate Fae and humans alike into doing what they see fit then I want no part of them. I will not allow Lili to speak to Feyre."

"Then I fear for the life of your son…."


	31. Chapter 31

thanks for reading and for the really great reviews!

Chapter Thirty-One

_Lucien_

Not all Lilianna's tasks centered on the High Lords of Prythian. Some were as simple as talking to the mortal queens to persuade them into treating the poor and the weak better than they had done thus far. She'd already talked me into taking her to see three of them, and I didn't want to know what she had showed them when she placed her fingers to their temples and the same looks of horror reflected on each of their faces. She'd left them with a warning and a promise of better days to come if they reached out to those in need and lifted them up instead of always crushing them under their feet.

There was one more mortal queen to cross off her list before she headed for Velaris, and that was the direction I headed when I winnowed back to the cottage. Thankfully her Higher Beings hadn't given her the ability to outrun me. Not that she was trying to even outrun a snail with the leisurely pace in which she meandered through the forest. I took to the trees, walking along thick limbs, winnowing to the next tree, deftly walking some more along the crooked and bent limbs and so on and so forth throughout the forest. She inclined her head and tilted it from side to side, but hidden within the heavy, leafy branches she couldn't see me.

"Your mate is waiting for you in Velaris, Lucien," she called out to me, making it clear she knew I was following her. Nonetheless, I kept silent and hidden from her. "You love her because you love her, remember?" she added, and I cringed that she had heard that part of my conversation with Brie before she ran off. "I almost wept at how beautiful that declaration of undying love was."

"How much of our conversation did you overhear before you hopped out the window?" I winnowed to another tree as she looked up at where I had been. "You couldn't have listened long if you made it all the way here at the pace you're traveling." I winnowed to another tree as her eyes darted to the limb I had been standing on. "It almost makes me think you wanted me to find you."

I winnowed again, and she lowered her head to look forward at the path cut through the forest. "Stop flitting from tree to tree, you're making me dizzy."

"Are you angry that I chose my mate over you?" I crouched in crook of a tree, and narrowed my russet eye on her. "Did you know that from this vantage point I can look right down your dress?"

"Why should I care if you look down my dress?" She paused in her steps, tilted her head and pivoted around to look for me. "And why should I be angry that you chose your mate over me? I told you once before you would choose her so it's no big earth shattering surprise."

"How long do you have, Lili?"

"Not long now," she answered, and with her quest to find me forgotten, she picked up her pace. "I needed you to follow me so you could winnow me to Velaris after I speak to the last mortal queen. I lost another heartbeat today – there are only four left to fade away before I die."

"Did you lose that heartbeat after you heard me talk about my mate?" I asked, running along a narrow tree limb before winnowing to the next one.

"How arrogant you are, High Lord, thinking my life depends on you," she said as she climbed over a downed tree in the path.

"I'm not a High Lord," I countered, winnowing to a large tree ahead of her. "I have no desire to have that kind of power or responsibility."

"What you desire and what life throws at you rarely coincide." She lifted her head and spied me perched on a sturdy tree limb. "You are a wanderer, High Lord, and as with all wanders someday you'll run out of places to hide from what you're afraid of."

"I'm afraid of losing you," I said, winnowing to stand in front of her. "And that, unfortunately, I can't hide from."

"I'm glad you took Brie to Velaris," she said instead of returning the sentiment, and moved around me to continue the long walk to the last mortal queen's territory. "I needed you both to think I was angry to give me enough time to run away. If I had stayed Brie would've been too afraid for my life to feel on equal footing with Rhysand."

My jaw slackened as she went on about her sister as if I hadn't told her I didn't want to lose her. "Did you hear what I said? I'm afraid of losing you."

"That's sweet but we don't have time to delve into your feelings over my impending death." She glanced over her shoulder at me and smiled. "You need to pick up your pace. We have a long way to go."

"We could always winnow to the mortal queen's territory and be done with it as quickly as possible," I gritted out, catching up to her in several long strides. "Are you that eager to be rid of me, Lili?"

"You're right, winnowing to her territory might be our best option." She tapped at her lush lower lip as if contemplating my suggestion that wasn't really a suggestion. "Azriel set up a meeting with her for me tomorrow morning. If you don't think we'll make it there in time, I guess we should winnow."

"I'm tired of winnowing today – we'll walk."

"Are you being purposefully difficult?" She cast a sidelong glance in my direction. "You offered to winnow me to her queendom and then refused when I agreed."

"If I winnowed you anywhere it would be about as far from her queendom as possible. Maybe on a frozen cliff somewhere and we would freeze to death together."

"Are you angry at me?" she asked as if she didn't realize she'd been goading me into an argument from the start.

"Am I angry?" My chest tightened uncomfortably as I tried to hold back anger building inside of me, to no avail. "You're damn right, I'm angry. You ran off without saying anything to me – not even in your note."

"I told you I planned for you to find –"

"That's not a good enough excuse," I cut in, turning to face her and blocking her path every time she tried to move around me. "I told you I was afraid of losing you and what was your response? You said it was _sweet_ but you didn't have time to discuss it. We have nothing but time." I shifted on my feet and waved at the path ahead of us. "Hours and hours of it before we get to the mortal queen's territory. Would it really have killed you to say you're afraid of losing me, too?"

"I can't be afraid of losing something I don't have, Lucien." She shrugged. "Isn't it enough that I said I would miss you when I died?"

"What do you want from me?" I threw my arms out wide in frustration. "I have a mate which means I shouldn't be spending any time with you at all. Nonetheless, for as inappropriate and wrong as it has been, I've spent time with you because I do care about you."

"Wow – just wow." She pushed me aside and started down the path again. "I think I want that written on my grave marker." She pretended to write the words in the air as she said, "Here lies Lilianna – it was inappropriate and wrong to care for her, but Lucien being the great male he is muddled through it."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." I grabbed hold of her arm and swung her around to face me. She jerked her arm back twice to break free, but my grip held firm. "What I meant was that I've enjoyed every second we've spent together."

"Let go of my arm, Lucien!" she snapped, golden-brown eyes sparking with anger. "You have no right to put your hands on me! Not ever – do you understand me?"

"I wasn't – I didn't…." I abruptly released her, belatedly realizing that my grip around her arm reminded her of her uncle's abuse. "I would never hurt you, Lili. You have to know that, right?"

"Yes," she said after a slight hesitation, rubbing her arm where I'd held onto it. "You grabbing hold of me brought back memories of my uncle and I overreacted. I thought I didn't have any anger left in me, but I guess I was wrong."

"I wish I had been the one to kill him for you," I whispered hoarsely, framing her face in my hands. My stomach muscles tightened as I breathed in the soft floral scent lingering on her skin. My golden and russet eyes were drawn to her full lips as they parted slightly, and my manhood hardened in response. "Even though I know it's wrong, I want to kiss you…."

She met my gaze, and her tongue darted out to wet her lips. "But you won't because you have a mate and I am dying."

"We should get going," I uttered, swallowing hard against the thick knot forming in my throat. I loved her with every fiber of my being, and I ached when I pulled away from her, yet she was right. She was going to die and I had a mate. Those two insurmountable obstacles would forever keep us apart.

"Lucien…."

Her hand spanned the nape of my neck, fingers weaving into my hair, and she lifted up on her toes to brush her lips against mine. A low groan rumbling in my throat, I teased her lips apart and delved into her mouth, our tongues intertwining as the kiss deepened. My fingers tangling in her hair, she softly moaned into my mouth, and I wanted the moment to never end. I wanted to be wrapped up in her body forever, kissing and touching her everywhere until she cried out my name. I wanted to tell her I loved her and hear her say it back to me and together we would defy death and the stupid mate bond that tried to keep us apart.

"Make love to me, Lucien," she murmured huskily against my lips as the kiss ended, and I abruptly pulled away from her, straightening my tunic.

"I'm sorry – we shouldn't have done that," I uttered, hearing myself speak the words that not only hurt her but me as well, wanting desperately to take them back but it was too late. And then to make it worse, I added, "This mistake was my fault not yours, and I promise it'll never happen again."

"I see." She touched her fingers to her slightly swollen lips. "How generous of you to take the blame for a kiss I initiated." She turned from me and started walking away in long strides. "I guess I will have to find someone else to show me what being made loved to feels like before I die," she called back over her shoulder. "I will not die a virgin twice. That much I promise you, Lucien."

"Like hell you will!" I growled. "I will kill any male who touches you!" She didn't respond, only squared her shoulders and tilted her chin. "Did you hear me? I said if any male thinks to touch you I will tear him apart!"

"Yes, I heard you." She raised her arm and lifted her middle finger at me. "And that's what I think of your meaningless threats of violence."

"It wasn't a meaningless threat," I said, my heartbeat thundering in my ears as I followed after her. "You will die a virgin, Lili, because I can't stomach the thought of any male touching you."

She fell silent and refused to speak to me the rest of the afternoon. When I tried to help her across a deep, fast-moving stream, she pushed my hand away and waded into the water while I winnowed to the other side and waited for her underneath the shade of a river birch tree. Once she made it across, I offered to help remove the leeches adhered to her skin and she glared at me and hissed as she pulled them from her skin leaving red welts behind.

Finally I had enough walking in silence, caught hold of her hand and winnowed the rest of the way mortal queen's territory. We appeared at the edge of a large village in the middle of a crowded festival. Lilianna gasped in delight at the sight of a man breathing fire in the center of the crowd. Shaking her hand loose from mine, she wove through the throng of humans packed closely together to get a closer look at the dark haired male breathing flames and then wandered off to watch a group of acrobats performing on a makeshift stage. Every time I made my way to her side, she rushed off to see something else. The only times she sat still was when one of the vendors created a beautifully detailed scrolling design around her eyes and framing the sides of her face in white and pink glittery paint, and when an older female braided her hair, weaving pink and white flowers into twin braids on either side of her head that wove into the thick fanning braid down her back. She looked – breathtakingly beautiful, and I wasn't the only male who noticed.

"All right," I said, breaking the uneasy silence between us as she walked several feet ahead of me. "But if I let you sleep with one of these males, I get a say in which one you take to bed. Okay?"

"Okay." She paused in her steps to let me catch up to her. "I'll allow you to give your input, but the final decision will be mine." She bobbed her head at the muscular dark-haired human who was heading inside a large tent, and sighed. "The Fire Breather is my choice. When I saw him, my stomach felt like a million butterflies had been set loose and the – the flower between my legs –"

"I don't want to hear about the flower between your legs," I gritted out, hands balling into tights fists. "The Fire Breather will not be setting any fires between your legs. Choose someone else."

"What about the blond acrobat? You know the one with the –"

"No." I shook my head, recalling how tight his leotards were and what they revealed. "Besides, I'm sure most of that was padding."

"I guess I'll decide during the dance," she said, sighing again as she glanced at the tent the Fire Breather had entered. "But my heart is set on the Fire Breather."

"Can your Fire Breather do this?" I unclenched my hand, held it up palm flat and a ball of flames burst to life. "No, I really don't think he can." I tossed the ball of flames in the air and it vanished. "Pick someone else."

"I need something pretty to wear to the dance," she said, ignoring my warning not to choose him.

She grasped hold of my hand and dragged me from vendor to vendor in search of the perfect dress to match the pink and white paint on her face. While I picked out dresses that covered her from chin to ankle, she decided on a deep v-neck, white chiffon dress with blush pink roses that barely covered her thighs. Three sheer layers of fabric made up the bottom half of the dress, and it cinched underneath her breasts with a long strip of matching fabric – a strip that could be used to blindfold or tie someone up with if the Fire Breather enjoyed kinkier sex.

I scarcely saw her once the dance started only catching glimpses of her dancing with different males for each song the musicians played. Thankfully none of them held her interest for longer than one song, and I hoped that would continue to be the case. Then he arrived, flanked by several males who must have found him amusing, laughing at every joke he made. I could have kicked myself a dozen times over for agreeing to stand by and let her have sex with someone other than myself, and as the next dance began and Fire Breather caught her eye and winked, I saw red. I narrowed my eye on him as he crossed the crowded dance floor, blue eyes holding her gaze as he came to stand in front of her.

"Would you care to dance?" he asked in a low husky voice, and she sighed as it had become her habit when she thought of him. "I'll take that as a yes," he chuckled, resting a hand on the small of her back as he led her onto the dance floor.

The musicians played five songs – five of them as they laughed and chatted as if they'd known each other intimately for years. My golden eye whizzed and my russet eye honed in on her while they danced to a slow song and he whispered something into her ear. My upper lip curled into a snarl as they looked into each other's eyes and she nodded – nodded because he'd asked her to go to his tent to fuck him.

"Oh…hell, no!" I pushed my way through the dancers and tapped on his shoulder. "I'm cutting in, and in case you've haven't noticed, she's taken. She's with me. Put your hands on her again, and I'll rip your arms out of their sockets. Is that understood, Fire Breather?"

"You promised, Lucien," Lilianna hissed, moving to stand between me and her would be lover. "Aidan and I were about to –"

"Yes, I know what you and _Aidan _were about to do, and I'm not going to allow it." I held out my hand for her to take, and she shook her head. "Come on, Lili. Let's go to the inn and get some rest for your meeting tomorrow."

"You go to the inn and get some rest." She shifted slightly to grasp hold of Aidan's hand. "I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll see that she makes in back to the inn safely in the morning," Aidan said, smiling softly at Lilianna.

"I'll be fine, Lucien," she said, golden brown eyes pleading with me to understand that she needed to experience the intimacy between a male and female once before she died. "This is the only thing I want for myself before…."

"I'm asking you not to go back to his tent, Lili. Please, don't." I held out a hand for her to take. "Come back to the inn with me, please. I can't plan how to free Tamlin on my own. I need your help."

She held my gaze for a long moment then turned to face Aidan. Lifting up on her toes, she brushed her lips against his, and his arm circled her waist, drawing her flush with his body as the kiss deepened. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach, and shoulders caving inward, I turned to walk away before I murdered him in front of everyone.

"I'm sorry, Aidan, but I have to go make plans with my pain in the ass friend. Apparently, he is helpless and hopeless without me," she said, and briskly walked away from him and past me without waiting for him to respond.

"Wait for me, Lili," I said, grinning over my shoulder at the Fire Breather, and laughed when he glared and gave me the finger. I picked up my pace as she wove through the dancers and started running the moment she cleared the dance floor. Maybe I should have felt guilty for ruining her only chance to be with a male, but I was too ecstatic that she left her pretty human male on the dance floor by himself to feel bad. "Slow down, Lili," I called out to her which only served to make her run faster. I followed at a much slower pace to give her a chance to realize I'd saved her from making a huge mistake. It would be better for her to live and die a virgin than to sleep with any male who didn't love her. In the morning when her head was clear and she'd given it thought, she would thank me for interfering in her quest for a one night stand.

By the time I reached the inn, she had already locked herself in the bedroom and didn't answer when I knocked on the door. "It's for the best, Lili," I said, resting my forehead against the door. "You don't want your first time to be with someone like that male. It wouldn't have been a memory you would want to take with you when die. It would have been cheap and trashy, not to mention dirty. Maybe we can find you someone to sleep with in Velaris…any Fae male would be better than some insignificant human male."

"Why are you still talking?" she said from the other side of the door. I turned and took a seat on the wooden floor with my back resting against the door as I imagine she was doing as well. "I hate you for what you did tonight, Lucien. You can't even begin to imagine how much I hate you right now. I wanted one night for myself – one night where I didn't have to think about dying or the tasks the Higher Beings gave me to do, and you ruined it."

I winced at the anger and sadness in her tone, and pressed my eyes shut. "Well, at the moment, I don't like you very much either. You went from kissing me to kissing him within a matter of hours. How do you think that made me feel?"

"I'm tired, Lucien," she said instead of answering my question. "I'll see you in the morning."

"For what it's worth, I am sorry you'll never get to experience what it feels like to have sex with someone you really love," I whispered, rubbing at the moisture gathering in my eye. I wanted to be that male more than anything – I wanted her to be my mate and for us to build a life together in the Spring Court with Tamlin and her sister. I wanted her so much it hurt, and every fiber of my being ached with longing for something I would never have. "How many heartbeats do you have left, Lili?"

"Only three," she answered her voice further away from the door. "Another one will fade away tomorrow after I speak to the mortal queen and show her what will happen if she doesn't start caring for the poorest and weakest of her subjects. Another one will fade away after I speak to Feyre, and the final one will stop beating once Tamlin is free to live with Brie."

"You didn't accomplish any tasks today so why the hell did they take one of the heartbeats away?"

"They didn't," she whispered, sadness filling her tone. "That was the heartbeat they bestowed upon me as a gift because I had died too young and hadn't yet experienced many things life had to offer."

Hearing why she lost one of the heartbeats they'd given to keep her alive, anger coiled in my chest. "You used up one of your last heartbeats to sleep with the Fire Breather?"

"No, I wasted their gift on a night in bed by myself," she said, no trace of anger left in her voice at me for putting a stop to her plan of sleeping with Aidan. "Good night, Lucien."

"Open the door, Lili," I murmured, getting to my feet. "I cheated you out of the one thing you wanted for yourself, and I know this isn't what you wanted, but I'll hold you while you sleep from this night to your very last."

I waited for what seemed the longest time, and then finally she opened the door. "I had to put on a nightgown," she explained, moving aside to let me in. "I didn't want to tempt you beyond reason with my nakedness."

I grinned and winked at her. "Don't be uncomfortable on my account. I'm used to seeing you undressed by now."

"All right." She shrugged a shoulder and quickly shed her nightgown, tossing it on the floor, and I feasted on the sight of every inch of her glorious body haloed in the warm light of the lantern. I was wrong, but it was too late to tell her to put her nightgown back on. "Leave your pants on," she added as I took off my tunic and the shirt beneath. "Otherwise I won't get any sleep at all tonight with you poking me in the back with your – your sword."

"Then I guess you won't be getting any sleep," I whispered huskily, kicking off my boots before I shed my pants. In one fluid motion, I lifted her into my arms and gently laid her down on the mattress. I almost told her I had been dreaming about having her in my bed for months, but stopped myself before the words tumbled out.

"The lantern," she said, her eyes nervously darting to the light on the dresser. "It's ridiculous, really. I know I'm going to die, but I don't want it to be in a fire."

"It's not ridiculous." I extinguished the lantern then slid into bed next to her and slipped an arm underneath her to pull her closer to me. She rested her head on my chest and lightly traced circles along my skin. Her fingertips grazed along my lower abdomen, and my breath caught in my throat, my eye fluttering closed. "We should get some –" My breath caught again as her fingers feathered lightly along my hardened manhood. "What are you doing, Lili?" I whispered huskily, body quivering everywhere she touched.

"I was measuring the length of you to figure out how it works." She lifted her head, looked up at me, and a frown creased her brow. Definitely not the expression I wanted her to have while stroking my manhood. "I'm glad you stopped me from sleeping with Aidan. I don't think I would have liked having a man inside of me. I don't think we would fit together and it would be painful."

"I'm glad I stopped you as well," I whispered between staggered breaths, fearing I would explode if she didn't stop stroking me. "But a male and a female are made to fit together." Lifting up slightly off the mattress, I gently pushed her down onto the pillow, and shifted onto my side. Slowly, my fingers trailed down her body, grazing along her nipples before they continued downward to the heated juncture between her thighs. "Spread your legs for me, Lili, and I will show you that a male and female can fit together."

Her brows furrowing in confusion, she did as I commanded. "What are you – oh …Oh!" She gasped as my finger delved inside of her, and I laughed huskily.

"You see?" My finger slowly moved in and out of her heated core so hot and wet for me. "This is how we fit together…."

"Your fingers aren't quite as large as –" Her breath caught and her eyes fluttered closed, and all her thoughts scattered as she thrust her hips up into my hand.

That was my undoing, and there would be no turning back. I wanted her too much to care if she didn't love me in return or that I already had a mate. I wanted her and if we only had this one night together, it would have to be enough to last me for the rest of my long days ahead.

"I know I'm not your Fire Breather, but I want to be the male you gave away part of your life to be with."

She didn't love me – not the way I loved her, and if I hadn't stopped her she would've gone to Aidan's tent with him, and that thought shattered my heart as I made love to her. She fell asleep in my arms, and as I held her close, I whispered, "I love you, Lili…with all my heart I love you."

I would never say it to her while she was awake – would never open myself up to the pain of being rejected by her, but in those moments while she slept I was free to say what was in my heart to say to her.

I don't know how long I watched her resting peacefully before I finally succumbed to sleep myself. I dreamed of us traveling together to see every natural wonder Prythian and the human lands had to offer and making love under the stars at night. When we made love it felt so real – too real, and my eyelid fluttered open at the sound of her moaning softly. She had straddled my hips and I was buried deep inside of her. Her hips moved sensually against mine as she made love to me.

"What do you think you're doing?" I murmured, rocking my hips up into hers, and she gasped in delighted surprise.

"You were – hard and I was curious," she replied hesitatingly, heat flushing her cheeks. "Are you angry?"

"Angry, no." I shook my head. "Aroused, definitely, but in the future wake the male you want to ride. He'll want to watch you as you ride him hard."

"Good to know. The next man I make love to, I'll be sure to ask for permission first." Biting at her lower lip, she held my gaze. "Why do you like me, Lucien?"

"I don't recall ever saying that I liked you." My hands cupping her hips to slow her pace, I thrust deep inside her and she rolled her hips in response. "Tolerate you, sure, but that's not the –" I drew in a staggered breath, and she laced her fingers through mine, head falling back onto her shoulders as she moaned my name. "No more talking…Ride me, Lili," I whispered between panted breaths.

She moved slowly – too achingly slow and I thought my mind would shatter from the exquisite agony building inside of me. I lifted up, bracing my hands against the mattress behind me, fingers curling tight around the pillows. I caught her lips in a hungry kiss, and her legs wrapped around me. My body tightened, and we became one, our bodies molding perfectly together, breaths ragged and then I did shatter, crying out her name as she cried out mine.

Arms trembling, I collapsed onto the pillows, and she shifted to lay her head on my chest. We stayed wrapped in each other's embrace long after our breathing evened out, and I wished we could stay locked away in this bedroom forever. But we couldn't and for my own sake I needed to put an end to our one beautiful night together by reminding her of my mate.

"We have to get washed up for your meeting with the queen," I began in a raspy whisper, my heart constricting painfully. "When that is finished, I'm going to go home to my mate. I've been away much longer than I intended and I have to start working toward building our future together."

"Oh…okay," she said, pulling away from me and hanging her feet over the side of the bed. "I'll be ready to go in a half hour." I reached for her, but she quickly got to her feet, and I caught hold of nothing but air. "Thank you for the pity fuck," she added, snatching her dress off the floor and rushing to the bathroom before I could stop her.

I ached to tell her it was a lie and that I had no intention of leaving her until she left me first – I didn't say a word. Better for her to think I was a jerk than to ever let her know how deeply I'd fallen in love with her. She would've laughed at that and would've called me a fool for falling for someone who only had a short time to live. In my mind I could hear the cruel laughter coming from her and over and over the memory of her dancing with Aidan replayed in my mind, reminding me that any male would've worked to accomplish her goal of making love to someone before she died.

So we both pretended it never happened, talking about anything and everything other than making love to each other. On our way to the queen's castle I commented on the weather no less than ten times while she talked nonstop about Tamlin and the silver collar. She kept circling back to how Koray lost most of his power when he created the collar, feeling as if it was important and wouldn't let it go until I told her it didn't matter since I planned on killing Clarissa the next time we saw her.

The meeting with the last mortal queen on her list went as well as the others, and finished with same look of horror on the pretty queen's face. This time, however, as we were leaving, Lilianna stopped abruptly and clutched her chest above her heart. The color drained from her face, leaving her skin ashen, and she caught hold of my arm to steady herself. Grimacing, she waved off my attempt to help her get to the shade of a nearby weeping willow tree.

"Take me to my sister," she whispered, and I picked her up, feeling her tremble in my arms as I carried her to the border of the queen's lands then winnowed to my townhouse in Velaris. I held her close to my chest, and taking the stairs two at a time, I brought her into my bedroom and gently set her on the bed.

"I'll go find Brie and bring her to see you." My russet eye stung, vision blurring, and I blinked back the tears I refused to shed in front of her. "I won't be gone long."

"That's not necessary." She shook her head against the pillows. "I'll be fine. Go find you mate, Lucien. And if I don't see you again, I want you to know that I wish nothing but happiness for you."

"I'm sorry about what I –"

"I don't need your apologies," she said, and looking up at me, she smiled. My heart fell like lead into the pit of my stomach. "It was a one night stand – nothing more, nothing less. A cheap, trashy, not mention dirty one night stand…go find your mate and leave me to finish the tasks I have to complete before I die."

I swallowed hard around the thick lump forming in my throat, and asked, "Did you want it to be more than just one night?"

"I don't have the luxury of being able to want something more than what has been given me." She shrugged a shoulder. "All I know is that I'm tired of trying to accomplish these tasks they've given me and I'm ready to move on."

"Okay," I muttered, unable to look her in the eye. "I'll go, but before I do I want you to know that if you did want more than a one night stand, I would've stayed with you until the end."

I winnowed away before she could say she had no interest in a repeat performance of the beautiful night we spent together. If I had stayed I would've broken down, and I didn't want her to see me cry or to witness me crumble at the thought of the twin heartbeats in her chest that would soon dwindle to one. I wouldn't watch her die – I couldn't, and maybe that was cowardly on my part, but I knew I wouldn't survive it.


	32. Chapter 32

**thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who have reviewed my story...**

Chapter Thirty Two

_Rhysand_

Every time I looked at Brie I saw her mother. They looked too similar not to conjure up painful memories of Reya, and I had to constantly push down the anger threatening to consume me. It would take time, perhaps even decades, to see her as something other than a potentially powerful enemy. Yet anytime Cassian or Azriel strongly urged her to weave into Clarissa's dreams to eliminate her, Brie refused claiming neither she nor Tamlin wanted anyone to have cause to fear her weaving abilities. They weren't wrong. Word would get out that the Dream Weaver had murdered the mortal queen, and any hope they had of bringing their people home to the Spring Court would be gone.

I considered taking her to see mate to put an end to her unwillingness to save him with the powers her mother bestowed upon her when she died, and would have to if I hadn't put myself in Tamlin's position. I wouldn't want Feyre to see me brought so low by some mortal bitch. I wouldn't want her to see the bruises and lash marks on my back, and I definitely wouldn't want her to see me being led around on leash. But the worst of the worst were the thing she couldn't physically see unless she got up close and looked into his dull green eyes a saw for herself that he was a shattered male.

Taking Azriel's warning to heart, I sent him out to find Lilianna to bring her back to speak to Feyre. He believed Lilianna's so-called Higher Beings were making Feyre ill to ensure I would allow Lilianna to speak to her. A female or male without fear was a very dangerous adversary as they didn't care what happened to themselves as long as they achieved their goal. Lilianna stood face to face with me without a shred of fear, not even when my wings unfurled, and she called my threat with one of her own. I respected her for it, but it made me very leery of what she might do if she was left alone with my mate. No, if I let her speak to Feyre I would be in the room the entire time whether her Higher Beings wanted me there or not.

Mor and Amren promised to keep an eye on Brie while Cassian and I winnowed to the border of Clarissa's queendom to decide if we should handle the situation ourselves or to lay siege to the castle. We'd waited until dark to walk the perimeter of the invisible wards set up around the queen's lands, looking for a weak spot where we could enter undetected. Unlike the Wall separating Prythian from the mortal lands, Clarissa's magical barrier had been well maintained, leaving us with only one option and that was to go through the main entrance.

"I still think our best option to avoid war between the humans and Fae is to handle this problem ourselves," Cassian said, mirroring my own thoughts on the matter. "If you slip into Tamlin's mind and shut him down then we could make quick work of her guards. Those you find guilty can be executed along with the queen, and the innocent people can elect a new queen to rule in her place."

"I also have to consider what should be done about the Spring Court once we rescue Tamlin," I said, pausing in my steps to peer through the invisible border at the castle. "It would be best for all concerned if I make it a protectorate Court under the rule of the Night Court. He is not in the right frame of mind to rule the Spring Court or to protect any Fae who return to their homes on his lands."

"You're suggesting a strong military presence on his lands to rule in his stead." Looking me in the eye, he shook his head. "He'll never agree to it. And even if he did, who would you appoint to make certain law and order is kept while you are in the Night Court?"

"I'm going to appoint Lucien as Lord Protector of the Spring Court. He will look out for Tamlin's best interests while you and Azriel manage my armies on his lands. Hopefully this will only be a temporary measure and Tamlin will regain his faculties and return to his position of High Lord, but until then we need to protect his lands from invasion from other Courts."

"Some Courts will argue that you have taken advantage of his mental state to seize control of his lands," he pointed out and I agreed with him. The other Courts would see my attempt to protect Tamlin's lands as my final strike in getting even with my enemy. "We need to be careful or those Courts who were silently sympathetic toward him might rally to his defense to free his lands from his enemies."

"That's why I chose Lucien to be Lord Protector. Even though he did leave with Feyre before the war with Hybern began, no one will question his loyalty to Tamlin."

"We would have to invite the High Lords from the other Courts to witness Tamlin signing over his control of the Spring Court to Lucien until he is capable of being High Lord again."

"I will speak to Brie and make sure she understands that this is the best way to ensure his lands aren't overrun by invaders."

He bobbed his head at the castle in the distance. "When are we going to free him?"

"Once Feyre and is freed from whatever illness the Higher Beings have ravaged her body with, I will attack the castle to free Tamlin." Although I knew her sickness wasn't his fault, I couldn't forget the fact that his mate's sister worked for the ones who were responsible, and I wouldn't free him until Feyre was freed from her illness. "Hopefully, for Tamlin's sake, Azriel has already found the girl and has brought her to the Velaris."

XxXxXx

_Azriel_

Even though I had a good idea where they were headed, it had taken longer than I had anticipated finding Lilianna and Lucien. She had talked Lucien into taking her to speak to the four mortal queens, and I had set up a meeting for her with the last one on her list for the day after I returned to Velaris. Lilianna had warned me bad things would happen if she failed to complete each task that she'd been given, and I knew some of them would require help from the Higher Beings to accomplish. During our last conversation before I left, she warned me again that Rhysand and Feyre would need to come to Tamlin's rescue, and that Feyre would have to let go of the anger she harbored against Tamlin or it would destroy her. From that conversation and seeing Feyre with my own eyes, it didn't take much to figure out how she would be destroyed if she didn't let go of her anger.

Rhysand didn't relent from his decision not to let Lilianna speak to Feyre until the following afternoon, and as soon as he gave me permission to find them I traveled back to the cottage we had rented by the ocean. From there I tracked them through the woods all the way to the stream where they must have winnowed to the village outside the mortal queen's lands. The owner of the inn informed me they had stayed the night, but left early in the morning without making arrangements to spend a second night. At the guard station at the border of the queen's lands, I spoke to a male who claimed Lilianna was ill and Lucien had carried her outside the protective barrier then vanished into thin air.

Her body was beginning to wear out, and my heart ached for her. She wanted to live, but she was too afraid to say it aloud – too afraid of having hope for herself. She cared so much for everyone, myself included, spending hours of her limited time encouraging me to follow my heart where Elian was concerned. I didn't tell her about my feelings, she just knew the way Rhysand had known without me having to say it aloud.

She made me want to believe the Cauldron had been tainted by evil and therefore it could've easily chosen the wrong mate for Elian. And it did make sense that it was too strange of a coincidence that both Cassian and Lucien were present when Elian and Nesta were made into High Fae. Granted, Cassian and Nesta were slowly working their way toward a long and happy life together – well, when they weren't arguing they were mostly happy or as happy as Nesta could be. She was a cold female and I didn't envy Cassian in the slightest, but Elian – she was incredible and she saw me…really saw me. I'd realized it for the first time when she gave me the powders to cure headaches as a Solstice gift. No one had ever noticed I suffered from massive headaches, not even Mor, and that's when I felt something shift inside of me. I would've called it the mate bond clicking into place, and I laughed that night but as time dragged on I found it harder and harder to even smile much less laugh.

More than I had ever wanted anything in my very long life, I wanted to be with Elian, and Lilianna not only understood how heartbroken I was, but I also gave me the hope and the courage to act on the love I felt for Elian. Maybe it would amount to nothing, and she wouldn't be able to fight the mate bond with Lucien. Or maybe Lilianna was right and I was Elian's mate, and if so we deserved a chance to be happy. It wasn't as if Lucien loved Elian or her him. He was hopelessly in love with Lilianna, and I saw him crumble a little bit more each day knowing she would die soon. He wouldn't survive her death. It would kill him, and she realized it more than she let on.

What he failed to realize was that she was hopelessly in love with him, too. Maybe if he stopped mentioning his mate to her every time he got the chance, she would've told him she loved him. However, I believed she was waiting for him to say it first. My thoughts were that she wanted him to defy the mate bond and claim her as the only woman he would ever love. Lucien was a coward, too afraid of losing her to admit what he felt in his heart for her. He would make Elian miserable for the rest of their lives simply because the female he truly loved had died. For all our sakes, but not for his, I prayed to the Cauldron he would tell Lilianna he loved her before she died.

The coward had left Lilianna at his townhouse alone, and as I walked up the stairs I heard her crying because she thought no one would hear her. I knocked softly on the bedroom door, and after several long moments, she called out for me to enter. I crossed the room in several long strides, and took a seat beside her on the bed, my wings tucked tight to my back.

"Where is the coward?" I said, taking in her watery red-rimmed eyes and tear streaked face. "I could beat the hell out of him if you'd like."

"He went to be with his mate," she said with a fragile smile, grasping hold of my fisted hand, and I felt her trembling. "I don't have much time left, Az. I don't want to spend it being angry at anyone."

"The guard stationed outside the mortal queen's castle said you were not well when Lucien winnowed you here. If a human guard can see that you are ill, why would the male who knows you better than anyone take off and leave you by yourself – especially since he knows – he knows you're dying?"

"I have to speak to Feyre," she said to change the subject, lips dipping into a frown. "I hate to admit this, but I don't think I can walk there on my own." She touched her fingers to her chest above her heart, and sighed. "They didn't warn me that as my time approached I'd get weaker and be unable to move around on my own."

"Do you plan to see Lucien before you die?"

"No," she shook her head, "he made it clear that he wants nothing more to do with me."

The shadows seeped out of me and surrounded her as I studied her face, and through the wispy black tendrils caressing her skin, I felt how weak she was along with the utter sadness she tried so hard to hide from me. "I'll kill him for breaking your heart and making you so sad when you don't have much time left."

"Fight for the woman you love, Az," she said, holding my gaze. "Every man should fight for the woman he loves. If he doesn't do that, he doesn't deserve her."

"Is that the revenge you want against him? You want me to steal his mate from him to break his heart the way he broke yours?"

"No," she said, leaning back against the pillows. "I want you to be with the woman you love because you love her more than anything. You weren't one of the tasks I needed to accomplish, but I've grown to care a great deal about you, and I want to see you happy. Just promise me you will always cherish her and never let her feel for even a second that your love for her isn't the most important thing to you."

I nodded. "I promise I will be with you when you draw your last breath, Lili," I vowed as a single tear snaked a path down my cheek. "I have never met anyone as selfless and good as you are, and wish I could do more for you – I wish I could fight your Higher Beings and win you the immortal life you deserve."

"Thank you for the time we got to spend together," she said, drawing in a staggered breath and slowly releasing it. "I need to rest for a while before you take me to see Feyre. If you wouldn't mind, I was hoping you could stay at least until I fall asleep. This is a strange place and I –"

"You don't have to explain," I cut in, "it would be my honor to protect you while you sleep."

I sat beside her and held her hand while she fell into a deep sleep, and watched her eyes move back and forth beneath her closed eyelids. Several times a frown creased her face, and I wondered if she was dreaming about Lucien and how he left her when she needed him the most. I kept expecting him to return – kept expecting him to walk through the door and gather her up in his arms and admit he loved her.

He didn't.

I didn't have much respect for him to begin with and what little I did have dwindled to nothingness when I saw the brokenhearted disappointment in her eyes when she finally woke up. She got up to use the bathroom, made it only a few steps before she collapsed, and would've fallen to the floor if I hadn't caught her and lifted her into my arms. I carried her to the bathroom and waited outside, and once again I heard her crying behind the closed door. When she finished relieving herself, I poured her a hot bath and helped her into the deep tub to bathe before I took her to see Feyre. It should've been Lucien who washed her hair for her, and as I knelt beside the bathtub, rinsing the shampoo from her hair, I swore I would beat him to a pulp the next time I saw him.

"He isn't worth your tears, little one," I whispered as I wrapped a towel around her and lifted her out of the bathtub. "He had a chance to make your last days happy and he threw it away. Don't waste one more tear on him."

"I need something nice to wear," she said, ignoring my comment. "I don't want to meet your High Lady in a dirty dress that doesn't fit me properly."

"We will find you something beautiful to wear," I promised, carrying her to the bed and then turning my back to her to give her privacy to slip on the dress she had been wearing. "Rhysand and Cassian are going to the queen's borders tonight to see if there are any breaks in the magical barrier around her lands."

"Didn't you and Tamlin already do that?"

"Yes, we did."

"But you didn't tell them?"

"You wanted to meet with Feyre alone. That wouldn't have happened if Rhys stayed in Velaris, and that is why I failed to mention it."

"How utterly sneaky of you, Az," she chuckled lightly, but her laughter died abruptly as her breath caught in her throat. I spun on my heel to find her fully dressed and clutching at her chest, eyes squeezed shut against the pain of her failing heart. "I-I'm okay," she added through panted breaths. "This is good." She nodded, and I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince me or herself that her suffering wasn't a bad thing. "It means I am close to accomplishing what I was sent back to do."

"We should get going if we are going to find you something to wear," I said, lifting her into my arms to winnow to every dress shop in Velaris if need be. I wanted to tell her to fight – or at least get angry at the Higher Beings for not letting her die peacefully. She wouldn't, and so I kept my anger to myself.

"I don't want to winnow, Az. I want to fly and see your home as you see it," she said, biting at her lower lip. "Is that okay?"

"It would be my pleasure."

Brushing a kiss against her forehead, I went to the balcony doors, opened them, and stepped outside with her in my arms. My wings expanded and we took to flight. Looking down upon the city below, she gasped in delight as we traveled through the shimmering Rainbow then I flew upward away from it to show her the House of Wind before we traveled along the artisan quarter. I wished we had time to travel to the ocean as she loved flying over the water the last time I took her flying, but the stores would soon be closing and I couldn't be certain how long Rhysand and Cassian would be away.

We went to four stores before we found the perfect dress for her to wear. She would've stopped after the first one, and would've made do with the first dress she tried on, but I wouldn't let her settle for just any plain dress. Instead I bought her a deep blue, crushed velvet dress with wide silvery-white fur trim on the cuffs and the cowl. I paid extra to have the female at the shop do her makeup and hair and had her add three blue sapphires in a line above the bridge of Lilianna's nose. If Feyre was going to listen to her, she needed to look the part, and by the time we left the shop she looked almost like one of the High Priestesses. Almost, yet different. Mysterious, with her eyes rimmed in heavy coal liner and black eye shadow with just a hint of shimmering rose and white to highlight her upper eyelid. To soften the look somewhat, her lips were painted a dusty rose and the dressmaker added a shimmer to her cheeks, and I was so pleased with how Lilianna looked, I paid her extra for her efforts.

We arrived at the townhouse well after the sun had set for the day, and not being able to winnow inside, I had Lilianna knock on the door as I was still carrying her. Thankfully Nuala answered the door not Elian, and informed me that Rhysand had left with Cassian. Her eyes lingered on Lilianna as I explained we'd come to see Feyre, and after a moment she stepped aside and let us in. Taking a quick look around for any sign of Elian, I carried Lilianna upstairs to Feyre's bedroom. Lilianna knocked on her bedroom door and we entered when Feyre said we could come in. Feyre's blue-gray eyes narrowed on Lilianna and then she looked to me for some sort of explanation as to why I was bringing a stranger into not only her home but bedroom as well.

"Feyre, I would like to introduce to you the Oracle," I said, and Lilianna looked up at me like I was crazy. "She's come a long way to speak to you in private."

"The – Oracle?" Feyre said, slowly pushing upward in bed to rest her back against the headboard. I winced at the hollowness of her cheeks and the dark smudges rimming her eyes. She looked almost as frail as Lilianna did, and it worried me that they both might die. "Like a seer, you mean?"

"She is the most powerful seer I have ever encountered," I said with a nod, and moved to set Lilianna down on the cushioned chair beside the bed. "She has witnessed things that I cannot even begin to fathom, and those things she has witnessed have brought her to you."

"She is human," Feyre pointed out, taking notice of Lilianna's rounded human ears. "How is it possible for a human to be such a powerful seer?"

"I died," Lilianna spoke up and Feyre's eyes widened slightly. "I died and I was sent back." She shrugged as if it was no big deal. "I was going to speak to you alone, but Azriel can stay. He has been very helpful to me over the past few months, and I can think of no one better to mediate between us."

Feyre nodded, pointed to a second chair on the opposite side of the bed, and I took a seat. "What would you like to speak to me about?"

"First I would like to know how you feel about Tamlin," Lilianna said, wasting no time on small talk, and Feyre glanced my way.

"I hate him. After everything he has done to me – I hate him," she answered with a cold edge to her tone.

"Hmm…that's understandable." Lilianna clasped her hands and rested them on her lap. "I would hate him to if he dragged me Under the Mountain to suffer through three brutal trials."

"He didn't drag me Under the Mountain," Feyre corrected. "He sent me home."

"Oh…well, that may be true but he sent you home to a dilapidated hovel to starve along with your sisters and father."

"No," Feyre shook her head, "he restored my family's fortune and then some." She looked to me and I shrugged. "I thought you said she was a powerful seer and yet she hasn't gotten one fact right yet."

"When Tamlin finally killed Amarantha," Lilianna spoke up before I could respond, "It must have been terrible for you after you returned to the Spring Court."

"It was – Tamlin was horrible. He –"

"I know," Lilianna cut in, "while you were supportive of him, spending every waking moment trying to comfort him and get him to open up about what he went through Under the Mountain, he couldn't have cared less about the nights you woke from nightmares and ran to the bathroom to throw up."

"My sisters were thrown into the Cauldron and turned into High Fae because of him!" Feyre snapped, angry because Lilianna in a roundabout way pointed out that Feyre hadn't been any more supportive of Tamlin than he had been to her. "This was not the life they wanted and it's his fault they can't return to the human lands."

"Did he actually abduct your sisters and throw them into the Cauldron himself?" Lilianna asked, not the least bit intimidated by her. "Or was he just as surprised and horrified as you were when Hybern had them brought out?"

"That doesn't change anything. He brought Ianthe into our home and she –"

"She convinced you to tell her everything about your sisters and where they lived," Lilianna finished for her. "She didn't get that information from Tamlin – she got it from you. You trusted her and she betrayed that trust."

"How do you know that?" Feyre looked to me, and I shook my head.

"I didn't know you told Ianthe about your sisters," I said, bobbing my head at Lilianna. "As I said, she is a very powerful seer. There is nothing you have done that she hasn't seen."

"You can't forgive Tamlin because you can't forgive yourself," Lilianna went on to say. "You were your sisters' protector and you unwittingly told the wrong person about them."

"Tamlin hurt me – he was an abusive male," Feyre pointed out, clinging to her anger as a lifeline. Her hatred for Tamlin was such a huge part of her, she couldn't let go of it without a fight.

"And you are an abusive female," Lilianna countered smoothly, wincing and I noticed her hands trembling in her lap. "My question is which one of you is worse? Yes, in his rage he blew up a room around you, but was his intent to harm you? He didn't hit you – he didn't punch you until you were bloody and broken and couldn't stand anymore. There is no denying he blew up that room and another one, but there was no intent to ever cause you physical harm."

"Call it whatever you want – explain it away with excuses, but it was still abusive," Feyre said, drawing in a deep breath and slowly releasing it. "What would you know of being abused anyway? He shielded the manor so I couldn't leave – he trapped me in the house when he knew how I felt about being trapped after what happened Under the Mountain."

"Right, because you were so open and honest with him about your fears," Lilianna said, looking to me and shaking her head. "And as for being abused – I was abused for years before my abuser finally murdered me." She held up a hand to stop Feyre as she opened her mouth to speak. "You returned to the Spring Court with one motive – revenge. You were vindictive and cruel and you reveled in hurting him as much as possible. You isolated him from everyone – took away his best friend, and it didn't even cross your mind that Lucien could've gotten killed when you planned your scheme to get Tamlin to fly into a jealous rage seeing you in Lucien's arms. You turned his men against him by goading him into whipping one of them and used that to make his men loyal to you by playing nursemaid. Do you ever think about that man? Do you ever think about how it must've felt to be lashed with a whip all for the sake of someone else's vendetta?"

"Get her out of my sight, Azriel," Feyre ordered, done with listening to anyone who dared to question her actions when she played at being a spy in the Spring Court. "I don't need to listen to someone who doesn't know what the hell she's talking about."

"I do know what I am talking about." Lilianna blinked and her eyes turned solid milky white. "For all the pain you caused him, he still saved you and helped to restore the life of your mate. Where would you be right now without the mercy of the man who you despise? What kind of life would you be living right now if he decided for all your vindictiveness you deserved to live for the rest of your days without your mate? As I recall, he told you to be happy after he gave a part of himself to Rhysand to give him his life back, and yet you wish nothing but bitterness for him."

"For your child's sake, you need to let go of your anger," I said, and maybe that was why Lilianna asked me to stay. She couldn't tell Feyre her baby would die if she didn't make peace with Tamlin and to accept responsibility for the things she had done. "I have spent time with Tamlin, and there are things you do not know. Amarantha dug deep into his mind to heighten his sense of fear and panic that Rhysand would hurt you."

"That's ridiculous, Rhys would never harm me."

"Did you ever make that clear to Tamlin?" I said, holding her gaze. "He has scars from her clawed nails on both sides of his scalp from the torture he endured Under the Mountain. He has relived your death over and over again at Rhysand's hand, and those nightmares he suffered carried through to when he was awake. You never asked about his time Under the Mountain and it's a shame he never worked up the courage to tell you. If he had or you had been there for him the way you wanted him to be there for you, maybe everything would've been a lot different between the two of you now."

Feyre's brow furrowed. "He has scars?"

"Yes, he has scars," Lilianna said, her eyes slowly returning to their normal golden-brown hue. "And he still suffers from nightmares of your deaths."

Feyre considered what we had shared with her, and shook her head. "He helped murder Rhysand's mother and sister. He –"

"He tried to save them," I interjected, reaching out to take her hand. "Rhysand knows the truth of what happened the night his mother and sister died. He knows that Tamlin tried to get to him to warn him of the attack, but was beaten unconscious by his brothers. He tried to save them, and now Rhysand is trying to save him from one of the mortal queens that enslaved him with a cursed object."

Her lips twitched into a brief smile as if she found his enslavement amusing, but it faded away as she considered everything we told her about him. "A cursed object?"

"His mate was being held captive in her dungeon," Lilianna explained, pressing her hand to her chest as the color drained from her face. "The queen's guards poisoned Lucien and had beaten his mate – to save them Tamlin agreed to put on the silver collar Azriel provided. His mind is still his own, but his body belongs to her…."

"I have been staying with them for the past two months trying to find a way to break the hold the collar has on him," I added as Lilianna's voice trailed off. "Although even if we do somehow manage to free him – it's real bad, Feyre, and I am responsible for giving her the collar."

"Have you considered trapping a Suriel to ask it how to remove the collar?" Feyre suggested, and as I looked to her to respond, I noticed that the darkness beneath her eyes had almost faded away to nothing. "If you can catch one, it'll have to answer any question you ask of it."

"I hadn't thought of that," I admitted, wondering if a Suriel would hold the answers we needed to free Tamlin. "It's a good idea, Feyre. I'll take the Oracle to her sister and then go capture a Suriel."

"When Tamlin is free, you will need to speak to him, Feyre." Lilianna graced her with a weak, watery smile. "The Night and Spring Courts need to be strong allies, and that can only happen if the two of you forgive each other for everything that has led you to this point."

"You are asking a lot of me, Oracle," Feyre said, resting her hand on her stomach. "There are a lot of things I need to say to him – most of them unpleasant, and I am sure he has much to say to me as well that will be equally unpleasant, but for the sake of my child, I'll try to put an end to the animosity between us."

"That's all I needed to hear," Lilianna looked to me and nudged her head toward the door. "I need to go, Az. I'm not feeling well."

"What is wrong with you?" Feyre asked as I got to my feet and reached Lilianna in a few long strides. "You didn't look well when you came into my bedroom and you look worse now. How sick are you?"

"I am dying," Lilianna said, wrapping her arms around my throat as I picked her up of the chair. "But I couldn't die until I knew that you would work toward lasting peace with the Spring Court and its High Lord."

"Tamlin is lucky to have you for a friend," she said, her eyes turning glassy. "It's rare to find someone who would put aside their own suffering to make sure you are okay once they are gone, and it's even harder to find someone whose only concern is the welfare of all people – I will hold to my word, and do everything within my power to see that our Courts become allies."

"Thank you, Feyre," Lilianna said, and I felt her body tense in my arms as we turned to leave.

We only made it halfway to the door when Feyre called out to Lilianna. "I'm curious to know what would have happened if I refused to try to make amends with Tamlin. Azriel said I needed to let go of my anger for the sake of my child. What did –"

"Your son would have died tonight and you as well if you hadn't had a change of heart," Lilianna said with a faint smile, lips quivering as her cheeks hollowed and her pretty face turned gaunt and ashen before my eyes. "They must have believed you as they have drained the sickness from you and bestowed it upon me…I am happy for you, Feyre." Her eyes met mine, and turned pleading as she added, "I need to be with my sister, Az. Take me to her."

I didn't wait for Feyre to respond, hurrying from the bedroom to take her to see Brie, leaving Feyre to fully grasp the gift Lilianna had given her.

XxXxXx

_Rhysand_

Cassian and I were on our way back to Velaris when Feyre's sadness washed over me, and a deep ache spread through me. _I need to see you as soon as possible,_ Feyre whispered through our shared mental bond, and with fear gripping a hold of me I changed directions from winnowing to the House of Wind to the townhouse instead. I appeared in our bedroom, and my brow furrowed when I didn't find Feyre in bed. My heartbeat thundered in my ears as I looked to the open balcony doors that had been closed when I left.

"Feyre?" I called out to her, rooted to my spot.

"I'm on the balcony," Feyre answered, and I rushed to her on shaky legs. "What a beautiful night," she added without turning to look at me. "It feels as if I haven't seen a truly beautiful starry night in the longest time."

"Are you all right," I murmured, closing the gap between us. "Your sadness overwhelmed me – did our son –"

"Our son is going to strong and healthy like his father," she cut in, turning to face me and the changes in her appearance stole my breath from me. The dark shadows were gone from beneath her eyes and the hollow gauntness had left her face, a healthy glow replacing her sickly pallor. "Azriel stopped by to see me after you left and he brought a girl with him."

"He did what?" Anger tightened in my chest, and my hands balled into tight fists. "Where is he?"

"They told me everything," she said, turning away from me to look out at the House of Wind. "You've forgiven Tamlin and you are trying to save him from the mortal queen." She briefly glanced my way and I nodded. "The Oracle –"

"You mean Lilianna," I interjected. "I don't know what Az told you, but her name is Lilianna."

"She knew everything, Rhys. Things about Tamlin – feelings I've never shared with anyone…my hatred for him was killing me – it was killing our son." She drew in a shaky breath and slowly exhaled. "When I agreed to work toward peace and forgiveness with Tamlin, she took my sickness into herself. She saved me and our son, and she is going to die before I can ever repay the debt I owe her."

"You and are son are going to be all right?" I said, knees nearly buckling with the utter relief flooding through me. She nodded and I pulled her into my arms, holding her close as she cried on my shoulder. "We both owe her a debt we can never repay," I whispered huskily, fingers curling into her hair. "I love you so much, Feyre darling. If I had lost you – we will repay the debt by honoring our word to build a lasting alliance with Tamlin and the Spring Court. And also by taking care of her sister once she's gone. From what Azriel has told me, Lilianna is worried about leaving her sister behind, and with her mate's current mental condition, I completely understand Lilianna's concerns. I am going to name Lucien Lord Protector of the Spring Court to help her run Tamlin's Court until such a time comes where he can return to his position as High Lord."

"You don't think he can run his Court on his own?"

"No, I don't." I shook my head, and pulled back slightly to look down at her. "Clarissa has broken him in ways I fear he will never recover from. When we rescue him, Brie will become High Lady of the Spring Court with Lucien as Lord Protector, and together they will make any decisions for Tamlin's Court. If I don't do this, the other Courts will devour him and claim his lands as their own."

"So you plan to send a strong military force to ensure that no other High Lord tries to take advantage of Tamlin's mental issues to invade his lands."

"It's the best I can do for them at the moment. Lucien will be in charge of building an army of their own, and Cassian and Azriel will train them. Once they are trained, I will withdraw our forces with the promise of coming to their aid if the need arises."

"You are a good male," she whispered, capturing my lips in a lingering kiss. "In the morning I will send word to several of Tamlin's old sentries to meet with them. For our son's sake and my own, I need to come clean about what I did to turn them against him. At one time they would've willingly given their lives for him, and I need to remind them of why they followed him – and I need to ask for forgiveness from Darius for my part in the whipping he endured to ensure my plan to ruin Tamlin's Court succeeded."

"Are you certain that's what you want to do?"

"Yes," she nodded, "Lilianna pointed out that I was an abusive female, and she was right. I took vindictive pleasure in destroying everything he worked so hard to build after his father died – I enjoyed it, Rhys. What does that say about me? He sent me home to keep me safe from Under the Mountain, restored my family's wealth, saved me and you along with everyone else from Amarantha, not to mention how he helped restore your life when you died, and to thank him for any of it, I reveled in his misery. There is a word for someone like me and it isn't good or kind and it took a dying girl who cared more for the happiness of others than her own wellbeing to make me see how horrible I have been when I have been given everything in life."

"We will right the wrongs we have committed, Feyre. I promise you we will."


	33. Chapter 33

**thanks for reading and for the awesome reviews. ReHit - to answer your question as to whether Feyre actually admitted being responsible for Ianthe knowing all about her sisters or if I made it up - she did think this in ACOMAF on page 601 saying that she told Ianthe everything about her sisters and where they lived because she had been, in her words, stupid and broken, and that she fed Ianthe every detail about her sisters. :)**

Chapter Thirty Three

_Lucien_

After leaving Lilianna at my townhouse I returned to the grounds outside Clarissa's castle, and had been foolish enough to seek permission to speak to Tamlin. Her guards laughingly denied my request and warned me not to return for Tamlin's sake. I winnowed to one of the tallest oak trees edging her lands, and from my spot hidden within the leafy branches, I watched for any sign of Tamlin throughout the day, to no avail. Even as the day gave way to night, I didn't move from my perch on one of the crooks of the tree. Unbeknownst to them, I watched Rhysand and Cassian travel the perimeter of the queen's lands, and used my keen hearing and the magic my golden eye possessed to listen in on their conversation and scowled at Rhysand's idea to make me Lord Protector of the Spring Court. It felt too much like stealing Tamlin's lands for me not to hate the idea even if that wasn't Rhysand's intention.

It was too much – all of it. The torture Tamlin endured every waking moment of the day, Lilianna dying, and Rhysand's plan to turn the Spring Court over to me dragged me under and I couldn't see a way out. I'd left Lilianna believing I wanted to build a future with Elian when that couldn't have been further than the truth. I didn't like her much love her, and a thousand years wouldn't change the fact that I didn't want to be with my mate. My heart ached to be with Lilianna, and when she didn't ask me to stay she crushed me. She only had two heartbeats left to fade away before she died, and with her weakening condition and Rhysand planning to invade Clarissa's lands to free Tamlin, I feared she only had a few days left to live.

Would it be fair of me to tell her I was in love with her right before she died? Not that she cared about my feelings. She was too busy worrying about everyone else to see what she had done to me – to see how she utterly wrecked me beyond repair. She would leave my life in ruins when she died, and I would let her do it because I didn't want to be the one to cause her any sadness right before she took her last breath.

The only thing I could do was take out my anger on the one female who had hurt someone I cared about. I leapt to the ground, opened my hand palm flat, and a ball of fire appeared. I threw it into the oak tree, and with a wave of my hand the fire took hold and spread quickly to nearby trees. One by one, all along the border of her land, trees caught fire burning hot and fast, spreading beyond the barrier to engulf every tree inside the castle grounds. My mother passed along her pyrokinesis abilities to me and my brothers when we were born, but I never had much cause to use them until now, and it felt good to see her lands burning. Although Clarissa kept me out with the magical barrier, she couldn't keep out the fire I created. I waited and watched as guards rushed around pouring buckets of water on the blaze – waited and watched for Tamlin to exit the castle along with Clarissa.

Being led by Clarissa, Tamlin stepped through the double doors of the main entrance. She tugged hard on the leash she used to lead him around like a dog. He didn't move, his eyes scanning the burning woods for me, and when he finally spotted me a faint smile flitted across his face. He gave a slight nod of thanks, and then disappeared into the crowd gathering outside to help put out the fire.

I stayed a while longer, reveling in the sight of the castle catching fire from hot embers fanned by my power. One of the four turrets atop the castle buckled and fell inward, flames towering above where it had stood moments before. From that point onward it was only a matter of time before the entire castle burned to the ground. They couldn't stop it – couldn't throw enough water on the flames to put out the unnatural fire I had created. No, I hadn't freed him, but I did strike a blow the mortal queen wouldn't recover from in the short time she had left to live. Confident in the knowledge that her castle would burn to the ground, I winnowed to Velaris.

My townhouse stood empty, and it didn't take much to figure out that Azriel had found Lilianna alone and took her to see Feyre. I found a damp towel on my bed and the doors leading to the balcony were left wide open. He must have realized she wasn't well yet it hadn't stopped him from taking her flying one last time. He had to know he was hastening her death by bringing her Feyre. She'd made it clear to him that Feyre was one of her last tasks, and once Rhysand invaded Clarissa's lands in the morning to save Tamlin, she would die.

Would she even last that long? Or was it enough for the Higher Beings to know that Rhysand planned to not only rescue Tamlin but to also become one of his strongest allies? I searched my memory for any point in time when she gave a definitive answer as to when she would die. She had made it clear that she needed to speak to Feyre, and if I was to take her at her word I would have to say Tamlin would need to be set free before she died. But would she die the moment he was free or would there still be some time for me to say goodbye to her? I prayed it was the latter, but knowing her Higher Beings it probably meant the former.

My stomach churned as there was no way I could put off rescuing Tamlin to keep her alive. She'd chosen his rescue as her last task to keep me from interfering as I had tried to do when she wanted to meet Feyre, and I had no doubt she had spoken to Azriel before he left the cottage and convinced him to speak to Rhysand on her behalf. Although he liked her well enough, he didn't love Lilianna the way I did, and likely considered it an honor to help her try to bring peace to the Spring and Night Courts. I wanted to beat the hell out of him or better yet burn him to ash in the same way that I'd burned the castle to ash for the collar he gave to Clarissa to torture Tamlin with and for everything he did to help bring about Lilianna's death.

It was too late to barge into Feyre and Rhysand's townhouse to bring Lilianna home with me, but at the first rays of dawn, I winnowed to their front door. Of all the Fae living under their roof, it just had to be Elian who answered the door. If she had known it was me, she likely would've let me keep on banging on the door until someone else answered it. Without any greeting whatsoever, she stepped aside and let me enter.

"It's nice to see you as well," I muttered, looking up the stairs for any sign of Lilianna. "Tell me, would it kill you to be nice to me for a change?"

"I am nice to you," she said, adjusting her plush bathrobe to better hide her plain white nightgown as if the sight of it might tempt me beyond reason, and tucked her messy golden brown hair behind her ear. Always so prim and proper, not the least bit like Lilianna who thought nothing of stripping naked in front of me to swim in the Starlight Pool. "I've offered you tea when you've come to visit."

"Yes, your offers of tea and my subsequent refusals have been the extent of our conversations over the past few years. You are my mate, and –"

"I am tired of hearing that you are my mate and that I should feel something for you, Lucien," she cut in, taking a seat on the couch and motioning for me to do the same. "You look upon me as if I am a possession you own instead of person with feelings and desires of my own. Did you know that I bought a flower shop in the city or that I enjoy going to watch plays in the park when I'm not gardening? No, you don't because you don't know me at all. You swoop in here every once in a while and try to make awkward conversation with Feyre while trying not to look in my direction, and so I offer you tea to get away from you."

"I have no interest in gardening and I find plays to be a boring waste of time," I said, glancing toward the stairs again. "But if that is what you like, I have no problem with you pursuing anything that interests you."

"I enjoy spending time with Azriel," she said tentatively, and the stairs forgotten I looked into her golden-brown eyes. "We have spent a lot of time together since I became a High Fae, and I enjoy being around him."

"Of course you do. Why give your mate a chance when you have an Illyrian dog following you around begging for your attention."

"That's not fair of you to say," she whispered angrily, and now she looked toward the stairs worried someone might come down them and witness our argument. "Azriel is a good male. He has never made an inappropriate move on me, and I won't have you speak poorly of him."

"Are you trying to make me jealous, Elian? Bringing up Azriel and how much you enjoy him – is your goal to make me fight for you?"

"Are you jealous, Lucien?" she countered smoothly, resting her back against the cushioned chair. "If so, why?"

Maybe at one point I was jealous of the amount of time she spent with Azriel, but now as I looked at her and listened to her speak, I couldn't fathom why I had felt anything for her at all. Yes, there was the constant pull toward her from the mate bond we shared, but it felt more like thread stretched taut and thin, and the truth was that I preferred to be as far away from her as possible. That was why I always found reasons to leave Velaris. Still, I had to say something since she expected an answer. "You're my mate and –"

"No!" She slammed her hand down hard on the armrest. "That is not a reason to be jealous. If you loved me and I was flirting with Azriel I could understand you feeling jealous, but you don't love me anymore than I love you."

"You haven't given me a chance to love you," I pointed out. "You have been nothing but cold and distant toward me since we found out we are mates."

"Feyre says that once you find your mate you have no other choice but to be with him or her. Is that true?"

"It's true." Raking a hand through my hair, I held her gaze. "Would it be that terrible being with me?"

"Yes, I believe it would be," she admitted truthfully. "As far as I can tell, we have nothing in common and I highly doubt spending any amount of time together would change that."

"You're probably right about that," I said, thinking about Lilianna and how much I cherished every second we spent together. "Are you in love with Azriel?"

"My feelings for Azriel or any other male are none of your business."

"Well, if you are you should be with him," I said as I pushed to my feet. "I came for Lili and Brie. If you would be so kind as to go upstairs and tell them I'm here, I'll take them to stay at with me at my townhouse."

"I don't know –"

"They aren't here," said Rhysand from the top of the stairs, and I wondered how long he'd been eavesdropping on our conversation. As he descended the stairs, he added, "Az took Lilianna to be with her sister at the House of Wind."

"As your prisoners?"

"No, as my guests," he chuckled lightly, and looked to Elian. "Good morning, Elian. Your sister is feeling much better and wants to eat breakfast in the kitchen."

"That's good to hear," Elian said, a smile lighting up her face. It was far different from the sour expression she always wore for my benefit, and I often wondered if she sucked on bitter lemons when she knew I would be stopping by to visit. "I'll go start breakfast," she added, rushing off without saying goodbye.

Rhysand watched her head into the kitchen then shifted his violet-eyed gaze to me. "Azriel will be happy to hear you've given your mate permission to be with him. How well do you think that'll work out for you?"

"I imagine it'll work out better than living with a female who thrills me about as much watching paint dry. Of course that is probably her idea of a good time," I said, and thinking of every moment I'd spent Lilianna, I added, "I crave excitement and adventure, and I want a female who is free-spirited and a little wild – a female who isn't afraid to live life to the fullest without constraints."

"She's dying, Lucien," he said, resting a hand on my shoulder, and to his credit he didn't look smug or sound as if he was gloating over my impending heartbreak. "I went to thank her last night after Feyre fell asleep, and Azriel wouldn't let me in to see her. She took Feyre's sickness into her own body complicating her already weakened condition – he doesn't believe she will live much longer."

"She'll live until Tamlin is freed from Clarissa's control over him," I uttered around the thick lump forming in my throat. I blinked hard against the tears blurring my vision, refusing to shed them around him. "When are we leaving to go rescue him?"

He lifted a brow in confusion and surprise. "You aren't going to see her?"

"After we rescue Tamlin I'll go say my goodbyes to her." The very last thing I needed in my life at the moment was Rhysand interfering in my relationship with Lilianna. If he found out how deeply I loved her, he'd find a way to make certain she hated me before she died. "I want to be the one to kill Clarissa. Tamlin is my best friend, and for all she has done to him I want to make her suffer worse than he suffered."

He opened in his mouth to speak, but closed it as someone knocked on the front door. At first it looked as if he might ignore the Fae outside until another louder knock came at the door. As he walked to the door and rested a hand on the doorknob, he said, "We'll continue this conversation after I get rid of whoever is knocking at the door this early in the morning," and then opened the door.

"High Lord," greeted the lean, muscular Illyrian soldier, handing Rhysand a letter. As Rhysand read the letter, the soldier added, "The mortal queens are asking for your help to bring the male who burned Queen Clarissa's castle to the ground to justice." His hazel eyes shifted to me and bobbed his head in my direction. "They said it was an unnatural fire, burning too hot and fast to be cause by anything other than Fae magic – they believe you are responsible, Lucien."

"Can they prove Lucien caused the fire?" Rhysand asked, crumpling the note in his hand. "Did anyone see him start the fire?"

"Clarissa's husband wouldn't speak his name aloud, but after some coaxing, Clarissa got him to write Lucien's name on a piece of paper," The solider said, meeting Rhysand's gaze. "Three guards died and several humans were injured trying to put out the blaze. They are asking you to hunt Lucien down and to bring him to Clarissa's queendom to be executed for murder and arson."

Rhysand looked to me, his expression deadly calm as he asked, "Did you start the fire, Lucien?"

"No, I didn't," I said with equal calmness, not that he believed me. "Her husband is not in his right mind so anything he says cannot be trusted."

"He couldn't have started the fire," Feyre called out from the top of the stairs, her hand resting on her rounded stomach as she descended the steps. She moved to stand beside Rhysand and he slipped an arm around her waist. "He was here all night with me and his mate Elian. Her husband must have been mistaken or he was coerced into naming Lucien as the male responsible. The latter is more likely the case, and as High Lady of the Night Court I find him not guilty of any crime perpetrated on human lands. If they can provide some tangible proof – something that proves without a shadow of doubt that he committed this crime, I will personally deliver him to Queen Clarissa's lands."

"I will send ravens to the five mortal queens to inform them of your decision," the soldier said, glancing my way once more before he turned and walked away.

"You burnt her castle to the ground, Lucien?" Rhysand said, shutting the front door then turning to face me. "Lucky for you, I believe those males deserved to die along with their horrid queen."

"While I didn't mean for anyone to die, I don't feel bad for ending their lives," I said, knowing that everyone who lived or worked at the castle had a hand in the tortures Tamlin endured. "They deserved to die – everyone in her queendom deserves to die. You think they wouldn't do the same to any Fae trapped within her lands? They would and they'd enjoy it. You've seen them, Rhys – am I wrong?"

"No, you aren't wrong," Rhysand, raking a hand through his thick ebony hair. "The problem is now the other four mortal queens are involved and they will blame the Night Court for the fire when we invade her lands to rescue Tamlin."

"They would blame us with or without the fire," Feyre said. "If you execute the mortal queen, they will see it as an act of war and our alliance with them will crumble."

"She doesn't get to live, Feyre," I said, shaking my head. "I know you don't care about –"

"I didn't say she was going to get to live after what she's done," Feyre cut in. "I'm saying we need to be smart about this. We will send an emissary to the other four mortal queens to explain her crimes against the High Lord of Spring. These mortal queens have no love for each other so if we demand her death as punishment for her crimes they will agree."

"That could take days or weeks to accomplish – We need to do something now to get Tamlin out of there," I said, but from the look Rhysand gave her and then me, I could tell he agreed with her. "If it was Rhys enslaved by her would you wait until you had expressed permission from the mortal queens to save him?"

"Azriel is going to try to trap a Suriel to ask it how to remove the collar," Feyre informed me, conveniently neglecting to answer my question. She didn't need to as we both knew she'd burn every square inch of the human realm to the ground to save him. "You should go with him. If you can break the hold the collar has on him, he'll be free to kill the queen himself. And while you're doing that, we will send Cassian and Mor to speak to the mortal queens." She reached out and rested a hand on my arm. "We will save him, Lucien. Give us two days – if the mortal queens do not agree to stand with us against Clarissa, we will move to strike her down along with any human who stands in our way."

"What other choice do I have? If I enter her queendom alone, Tamlin will shred me to pieces on her command which means I need Rhysand to enter his mind and shut him down." I gave a curt nod inwardly seething that Tamlin would have to suffer through two more days of Clarissa's abuse while we waited for permission from the mortal queens to attack. "To answer my own question – if it was Rhys enslaved by her, you would kill anyone who stood in your way without waiting for any mortal queen to give you her approval."

"And I would do the same for her," Rhysand said, resting his hand possessively on her expanding stomach. "I know you think we are being spiteful holding off in our attempt to rescue Tamlin, but that couldn't be further from the truth. We have every intention of freeing him, but we also have to consider the alliance we have with the humans. The Night Court is the only force that stands between the mortal queens and the other Courts who would take advantage of our broken alliance to invade their lands." He sighed. "Two days, Lucien. We will give the mortal queens two days to choose the right side and on the third day we will attack Clarissa's queendom."

"As I said, it's not as if I have a choice in the matter," I turned to leave, spied Elian heading toward the living room with a steaming cup of tea, and rushed out the door to get away from her.

I winnowed to the House of Wind the moment I stepped outside of the townhouse, and went to search for Azriel. I found him sitting at the dining room table with Cassian, Mor and Amren. The four of them were talking quietly amongst themselves as they ate breakfast, and only Azriel looked up as I entered the room.

His hazel eyes held mine a long moment then he returned to eating his scrambled eggs. "If you're looking for Lili, she doesn't want to see you," he said, between bites of his breakfast. "Can't say I blame her after the way you left her when she was too weak to get out of bed."

"I heard you were going to trap a Suriel to get it to tell you how to break the magic of the collar," I said, my heat squeezing painfully in my chest at the mention of how sick Lilianna was and that I had left her alone. "I'm going with you." I didn't wait for him to respond, looking to Cassian and Mor, I added, "Rhysand and Feyre want the two of you to act as emissaries to speak to the four mortal queens on Tamlin's behalf. I'm sure Rhys will be here shortly to fill you in on all the details."

"I thought the plan was to free him today," Cassian said, setting down his fork on the plate in front of him. "Why did he change his mind?"

"I burned down her castle last night," I said as I pulled out a chair and took a seat before my shaky legs gave out on me. "Now he and Feyre believe we need the mortal queens' permission to free him."

A smile pulled at Mor's lips. "Good for you, Lucien. I would've burned her castle to the ground as well if she was holding someone I cared about captive."

"You would've done much worse," Amren commented, pushing her plate full of eggs, bacon and pancakes aside untouched. Cassian reached over and grabbed the bacon from her plate, and dropped all but one piece onto his plate, smiling her way as he munched it down. "Regardless of what Az says, you should go see the girl before you go hunt the Suriel. The Dream Weaver hasn't left her side since he brought her here last night."

"She's not doing well," Mor added, glaring at Azriel as he growled at her. "If you want to see her, I would strongly suggest not waiting or else you will lose the chance to say goodbye."

"She's not going to die – not yet. She'll wait until Tamlin is free," I uttered, acrid bile rising swiftly in my throat. I swallowed hard, forcing it back down. "If you're done eating, we should get going, Az."

"You're a fool, Lucien!" Azriel growled, slamming his fist down on the table with enough force to rattle the plates and cups. "Do you honestly think that by refusing to see her, you're keeping her alive? Do you believe her Higher Beings are going to let her wait for you to say goodbye once Tamlin is free? You have this one chance and you're throwing it away."

"You can't make him do something he doesn't want to do, Az," Mor said, reaching across the table to rest her hand atop his. "This is something he needs to decide to do on his own."

"You don't deserve her friendship," Azriel said, upper lip curling in disgust as he pulled his hand free from Mor's and pushed to his feet. "If you're going with me to catch the Suriel, let's go."

Mor looked as if she might say something, thought better of it and pressed her lips together. She and the others agreed with Azriel, but none of them voiced their opinions as we got up to leave. I didn't care what they thought of me, it wasn't as if any of them were my real friends. And not one of them understood what it felt like to watch the person they loved dying over the course of a few months. They didn't know what it felt like to feel so damn helpless, putting on a brave face for the person they loved when all they wanted to do was crumble, knowing no matter what they did it wouldn't change a damn thing.

It was better for both of us if I never told Lilianna how much I loved her. It would only serve to make me feel worse when she pitied me for falling in love with her, and it would ruin her last memory of me. I didn't want her to feel bad for me or to have her feel as if she should have kept me at arm's length during our time together to save me from heartache. Our time together was the best three months of my long life, and that's what I wanted her to remember when she passed away and moved on to the Beyond.

By the time Azriel and I reached a grove of young birch trees in the western woods near a fast moving stream, I came to the decision to I write her a letter and have Azriel or Brie give it to her. I could say everything I wanted to say – well, not everything, but I would make sure she knew how much I enjoyed every second we spent together and that she would always be in my thoughts. It was cowardly on my part, but I kept telling myself that at least she wouldn't have to see me break down.

As Azriel set a double-looped snare for the Suriel baited with a brand new black cloak and two freshly slaughtered chickens, I mentally composed the letter to her in my mind, but for whatever reason, I always got stuck after _dear Lili. _ Azriel smacked me on the back of the head none to gentle as I stood staring blankly at the snare, too lost in thought to think of hiding in the trees to wait for the Suriel. We sat hidden within Azriel's shadows for hours before we heard the Suriel screech in rage at being trapped in the snare Azriel had set. He took the lead as we entered the clearing, and from behind him I saw the Suriel clutching the new cloak to its leathery skin. Its own cloak was tattered and torn exposing dried, crusty skin stretched too tight over its skeletal body. Its milky white eyes tracked our movements, and as we moved closer its lipless mouth began to water, thick yellow drool dripping down its bony chin.

"Free me, shadowsinger," it hissed, gnashing too-long teeth together, and I couldn't even begin to fathom how its blacken gums held those jagged teeth in its mouth.

The cobalt stones in Azriel's siphons lite up up from within. "Answer my questions and I will free you."

"What do you want to know?" The Suriel said, its clawed nails digging into the fabric of the cloak, making it clear that if Azriel wanted it back he would have to fight the Suriel for it.

"We want to know how to break the magic of the silver collar Koray made to keep Kara enslaved," Azriel said as I eyed the stream nearby. The Suriel couldn't cross the water, and that was why we had chosen this spot for the trap. "Tell us how to destroy the collar and I will free you."

"Ahh…the silver collar," the Suriel said, tugging on the snare around his bony ankle, to no avail. "Koray created the collar with dark magic, and there is always a price to be paid when using that kind of magic – his own power infused with the collar thereby leaving him almost as weak as the lesser faeries."

"We already know that," I said, looking from the stream to the Suriel. "We need to know how to break the magic inside of the collar."

"Autumn child," the Suriel milky white eyes fell to me, and it breathed in through the slits where its nose should have been, memorizing my scent for a later day. "It is curious that an Autumn child should come looking for answers as to how to break the collar's dark magic."

"Why is that?" Azriel and I said in unison.

"The girl, Kara, was also an Autumn child," it said, pressing the cloak tight to its bony chest as it imparted more useless information. "What did the High Lord of the Night Court do to this female?"

"He put the collar on her and forced her to marry him," Azriel said.

"No." He shook his bony head. "That was the unfortunate result of what he did, and is secondary to his first crime. What did he do to the female?"

"He abducted her from her home and stole her away from her betrothed," I answered this time.

"Yes…." the Suriel hissed. "He forfeited his power for a female who didn't love him and stole her away from her family and mate. Therefore, the power residing within the collar no longer belongs to the Night Court – it belongs to an Autumn child as retribution for what the girl endured and for what her family lost."

"That doesn't answer how we break the collar's hold on the male who is now enslaved by its power," Azriel pointed out.

"The current High Lord of the Night Court must willingly bestow the power within the collar on an Autumn child," the Suriel replied, clawed nails digging holes into the fabric of the cloak. "If the Autumn child and the High Lord of the Night Court both touch the collar at the same time, and the High Lord releases the power within the collar by voluntarily relinquishing it to the Autumn child, the collar will break and your friend will be free."

"No." I shook my head emphatically. "I don't want that kind of power. There has to be another way."

"Rhysand will not want to hand over that kind of power to anyone. There would always be the risk of that Fae using that power against him," Azriel said, folding his arms across his chest. "Is there another way to free Tamlin?"

"There are three ways to free the High Lord of Spring." The Suriel lifted one bony finger. "The first would be that he dies as you cannot enslave someone who is dead." He lifted a second gnarled finger. "The second would be for the one who is holding him captive to die, but if that were to happen he would wear the collar for the rest of his short life – the collar would choke the life from him within a matter of days of her death." He held up a final finger. "And the third way to free him is the one I already imparted to you."

"So you're saying our only option is for Rhysand to give me his ancestor's power," I muttered, chest tightening at the thought of what it would happen if Rhysand refused and also what it would mean for me if he said that he would give me that kind of power.

"You have the answer you sought now free me," The Suriel hissed, looking from Azriel to the snare around its ankle. "Keep your word, shadowsinger. Free me and I will let you live."

"Wait," I said, grabbing hold of Azriel's arm as he wrapped his hand round the handle of his sword. "I have one more question to ask the Suriel." A low growl rumbled in Azriel's throat, but he stayed his hand and nodded. "There is a human girl who came back from the dead with only a limited amount of time to live. She is nearing the end of the second life she was given – how do I save her?"

The Suriel's lidless eyes seemed to narrow on me and it scratched at its jaw, tearing away some of its leather-worn skin. "All you can do for the girl is tell her how you feel, Autumn child. If you do not, you will regret it for the rest of your days."

My last hope to save her dwindling to nothingness, my shoulders sagged, and as I turned to head for the stream, I muttered, "Cut him free, Azriel."


	34. Chapter 34

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Chapter Thirty Four

_Tamlin_

The acrid aroma of burnt lumber and livestock hung heavy in the air, thick black smoke still billowing from the charred remains of Clarissa's castle. The unnatural fire wouldn't go out until there was nothing left of her once sprawling castle, and that thought alone got me through Clarissa's interrogation. If Lucien hadn't asked her guards for permission to see me, maybe she wouldn't have suspected him, but he had and the subsequent beating I silently endured in front of every human who lived in her queendom led to me writing his name on a warrant for his arrest. The beating was unnecessary as all she would have needed to do was order me to write his name and my body would have betrayed me.

Still, every bruise was worth it to see everything she owned destroyed in one night. It was Lucien's way of telling me he wouldn't stop until I was free and that had brought a faint smile to my lips at the time, but it faded away all too quickly as I realized it was an act of desperation. They hadn't figured out how to remove the collar which meant I would have to help rebuild her castle in the days and weeks and months to come.

With her castle in ruins, we spent the morning traveling to a large manor she owned near a lake where we would stay until the castle was rebuilt. By this point I had gotten used to being stripped naked by her guards, or as used to being degraded and humiliated as anyone could possibly be, but being tied by my wrists at the back of her carriage as we traveled through village after village was a new low. She'd ordered me to keep my head down and I gratefully obeyed this one order. In my mind I could still hear the sound of the drums announcing our arrival in every village along the way to the manor, and if I closed my eyes I could still see the small feet of the children who threw rocks and rotted food at me while their parents called me a dirty Fae and Fae scum along with other insults, and many of the males spit on me as we passed by them.

When we arrived at her manor, Clarissa had her guards wash me up and then they locked me in the master suite to wait for Clarissa, but they hadn't done a very good job and hadn't bothered to wash my hair. She finally showed up well after dark, and briefly looked me up and down before her handmaidens helped her get ready for bed. She waved them away once she was dressed in a black, lacy nightgown, and came to sit beside me on the bed.

"I have good news, pet," she began, lacing her fingers through mine. "Do you want to hear what it is?"

I wanted to say no and that I couldn't care less what had brought a smile to her pockmarked face, but instead I nodded. "If it made you happy, I would love to hear your good news, your majesty."

"I missed my monthly flow," she informed me, her smile broadening as my shoulders caved inward. "I am over two weeks late and my personal healers confirmed that I am with child." As she spoke I calculated the days since she had last bled and inwardly cringed when I came to the same conclusion as her healers. "Does that please you, my pet?"

"No, it doesn't," I uttered, sickened by the thought of fathering a child with her. I would be tied to this cruel, hateful woman for the rest of her days and the child as well, and I decided death would be preferable. "Why does it bring you such pleasure to torture and humiliate me every chance you get, Clarissa? There must be a reason for such profound hatred and I want to know what it is."

After a long moment she nodded, and her muddy brown eyes turned cold as she looked me up and down, accessing me. "I have always been a mean-spirited and cruelly vicious woman, so much so that when I was younger my mother feared for the lives of my sister and brother, and wouldn't allow me to play with them. Not that I cared to spend time with my sister, but I had a soft spot for my brother Edward. My mother always believed my sister Anne would someday be queen, and she doted on her as any mother would, but I grew to hate my sister for the attention she received. Yet, I couldn't say in made me unhappy to be left to my own devices. That all changed when your kind slipped past your Wall and killed my sister and brother. There were many times my mother wished me dead after that fateful day, and in her madness she beat me senseless numerous times for not dying instead of her chosen daughter. After a while, I grew to hate her as much as I hated the Fae who had killed my brother, and I vowed that if I ever became queen I would make any Fae who crossed into my lands suffer endlessly for what they did."

"I wasn't responsible for their deaths, Clarissa," I pointed out, not that it would do any good. She'd made up her mind a long time ago that every Fae was responsible for the deaths of her sister and brother and for what she suffered at the hand of her own mother, and nothing I could say would change her mind. Not to mention that she had already admitted to being mean-spirited and viciously cruel, and proved that she was exactly those two things over and over again. "I have planted my seed in your belly, giving you the powerful child you desire – a child that will not only rule your queendom one day but the Spring Court as well…all I beg for in return is for you to kill me and be done with it."

"Oh, I can't do that, my pet," she said, patting me on the cheek. "Our daughter will need her father to serve her as you serve me. How else will she see with her own eyes that your kind is pathetically inferior to humans if you aren't around to grovel at her feet?"

"Don't you mean our son," I said, hands balling into fists. "You are carrying a male child in your stomach, Clarissa," I added, feeling a small measure of victory when her lips pressed into a thin line. "I am a High Lord which means I will produce male children more often than females, and if you knew anything about the High Lords of Prythian, you would have realized they always have male children first. We will have a son, and his blood – the blood of a high born Fae will drive him to end your life to protect his father and High Lord."

"If it is a boy, as you say, it will be put to death and we try again and again until you give me a daughter," she vowed, and even though I didn't want a child with her, my heart ached for the son I knew we would have. "Now that we have finished speaking of unpleasant things, I want you to make love to me to lessen my anger over your reluctance in telling me that your russet-haired friend burned down my castle."

"As you command, my queen," I mumbled, swallowing hard against the acrid bile rising in my throat.

I got it over with as quick as possible, flinching wherever she touched me while praying the entire time that having my child would bring about her death. I wanted it to be bloody and painful, and I envisioned her healers cutting her wide open as she writhed in agony. In my wicked fantasies they left her sliced open to bleed out on the floor staining the white marble a rusty shade of red. Maybe she would throw up blood the way I rushed to the bathroom to throw up as soon as she climaxed.

I tried my damnedest not to fall asleep when she beckoned me back to bed and wrapped her beefy arm and leg around me to make sure I didn't move to sit in the chair near the window that overlooked the lake. Yet no matter how much I fought sleep, I still drifted off and entered the hellish dreamscape I'd created within my dreams to keep Brie away. Somewhere within the charred and burning landscape, she waited for me. The warnings I'd carved in every tree for her to stay away hadn't done any good, and on the heated breeze I heard her heartbroken sobs.

_I almost turned away from her and ran to hide in the cave my mind conjured up to resemble the cave used to celebrate Calanmai. Almost. Looking longingly toward the darken abyss of the cave, I muttered a curse and went to find her. Following the sound of her crying, I found her curled up on the ground in my mother's garden, wearing a black dress and an equally dark veil as if she was mourning the loss of someone she loved, and somehow it seemed fitting to see black rose petals scattered along the ground around her while more petals swirled through the air like macabre snowflakes. _

_"Brie," I whispered huskily, and crouched to lift her up off the ground to cradle against my chest. "Why are you crying?" That question made her cry all the harder, and the ground beneath my feet trembled with her sadness. "Tell me what happened, Brie," I added in a gentler tone as I took a seat on the stone bench, and brushed the hair from her eyes. _

_"L-Lili is…she's dying," she stammered, looking up at me with such utter sadness in her watery blue eyes, it tore at my battered heart. "I-I didn't save her, Tamlin. I only bought her a little more time, and now she's going to die."_

_"Is Lucien with her?" I asked, and when she shook her head, I cursed him for his cowardice. "He's afraid of watching her die. I know that's not a good excuse, but you have to understand that he already watched one female he loved die, and to his own detriment I believe he would do anything not to have to see Lili die as well. For both their sakes, you need to talk some sense into him or your sister will die brokenhearted and he will be a broken male for the rest of his days."_

_"I don't know what good it will do, but I'll try." Her fingers grazed along the bruises on my cheek and trailed downward to lightly trace along the cut in my lower lip. "What has she done to you?" She pulled away from me, pushed to feet and slowly circled me, gasping at the sight of the deep lash marks littering my back that I hadn't allowed to heal. My eyelids pressed shut as her fingers trailed along the ugly bruises on my arms and chest, and then she tucked her fingers under my chin and lifted my head. "Open your eyes, Tamlin," she whispered softly. It wasn't a command but a plea. As I opened my eyes her lips found mine and she kissed me tenderly. "I swear to you she will pay dearly for what she's done to you."_

_I opened my mouth to tell her that it wouldn't change anything, but she vanished from my dream, leaving me to worry about what she planned to do. Even though I had told her repeatedly not to kill Clarissa in her sleep I wanted her to do it. I wanted her to die a brutally painful death, and I wished more than anything that I could be the one to do it. Lost in my thoughts of killing Clarissa, I jumped startled when Brie reappeared. _

_"I have taken care of Clarissa," she said, holding out her hand to help me to my feet. "I wove into her dreams and planted a trigger in her mind. The next time she lays a hand on you or has one of her men harm you in any way, she will cut off her own finger and then another and then another until finally when she only has five fingers left she will start on her toes. When she has no toes left to sever, she will saw off her own leg and so on and so forth until there is nothing left of her to cut off. Depending on how long it takes for her to realize that the pain she inflicts on you rebounds onto her, she could be dead within a few days."_

_My heart skipped a beat then began to race as I thought about Clarissa hacking away at her extremities. She deserved that kind of death for everything she had done to me and the others who had been whipped and beaten at her command. And the best part was that I would get to see every moment of the torture she inflicted upon herself. _

_It was that last thought that brought a frown to my face. No matter what she'd done to me, I didn't want to be like her – I didn't want to take pleasure in watching something horrific play out before my eyes. Yes, I wanted her dead, but I not the way she described. _

_"Remove the trigger," I said, hating myself for not being more like Clarissa. She wouldn't have thought twice about getting revenge by making her enemy hack off body parts while she watched. "I want her to do it, Brie. I want to see her cut into her skin and through her bones while she screams in agony. I want to revel in her pain – and that's why you have to remove the trigger. It would be my undoing and I would become just like her."_

_"No, you –"_

_"Yes, I would," I cut her off, framing her heart-shaped face with my hands. "The thought of her dying in the way you described excited me in ways you can't even begin to imagine. Her death wouldn't be enough – I would tear through her entire queendom, slowly and maliciously shredding every human with my claws until her lands were bathed in so much blood the rivers would run red with it."_

_Her eyes holding mine, she studied me closely, and from whatever she saw within their dull green depth, she nodded. "I will modify the trigger I set in place in her mind – only modify it. She will learn soon enough that no one harms the Dream Weaver's mate without suffering the consequences."_

_"What do you plan to do, Brie?" _

_"You will see for yourself the next time she hurts you or orders her guards to do it," she said, pulling me into her embrace. "I feel so lost and afraid and I need you to be there with me when Lili passes away. I need you and you can't be with me and it's tearing me apart inside." Her eyes turned watery again, and she hugged me tighter. "I'm going to lose my sister, Tamlin, and I don't know how to live without her – and what's more is that I don't want to."_

_"I'm so –"_

_"Don't say you're sorry," she whispered, sniffling as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Everyone always says they're sorry when someone dies, but it doesn't make anyone feel any better – I don't feel better because you're sorry that Lili is going to die. I'm angry and heartbroken, and I want someone to feel as bad as I do, but there isn't anyone else. My family is gone and I'm the only one left to mourn her." She pulled away from me and turned her back to me. "My sister has never been anything but good and kind to everyone and she has to die twice while evil people get to live on and on. How is that fair?"_

_"It isn't fair." My arms circled her stomach, and I brushed a light kiss against the side of her face. "I wish I could take her place and she could stay with you, Brie…maybe there's a way I can make a deal with whatever creature is responsible causing death and trade my life for hers."_

_Her body tensed. "You want to die in her place?" _

_"If Death would allow it then yes, I would die so your sister can live," I said without the slightest hesitation. It would be a relief not to have to live any longer, and I could die knowing something good had come of my death. "Ask Lili to speak to her Higher Beings and see if they'll trade my life for hers. You want her to live and I want you to be happy – this is the only to accomplish those two things."_

_"You want to leave me…." As her voice trailed off she turned in my arms to face me and looked up into my eyes. "I love you, Tamlin. From the day I met you at the Wall until forever I will always love you."_

_ "Don't say that – don't tell me you love me." I shook my head, but she stopped me by framing my face with her hands. "You don't know me, Brie. The dreams we shared were nothing but a lie. Maybe they depicted the male I used to be, but the male you knew in those dreams doesn't exist any longer. Hell, I walk around on a leash like a damn dog and when Clarissa asked me to bark like one I did – it got a big laugh in the dining hall. I am no longer a High Lord of anything. I no longer have a shred of pride." I shrugged a shoulder. "I'm a joke and a whore and whatever else Clarissa wants me to be. So if you really love me you'll do as I asked and talk to Lili about trading my life for hers."_

_"No, I won't –"_

_"Clarissa is pregnant with my child," I uttered, cutting off her refusal and she drew in a sharp breath. "She told me tonight that we are going to have a baby. I'm guessing her happiness over our child is the only reason I'm able to stand upright tonight…which reminds me, please tell Lucien not to pull any more stunts like the one he did last night. My day was a living hell because of him."_

_"She's lying, Tam. When I was in her dreams, I didn't –" _

_"Release me from this dream," I said, not allowing her to finish as I wanted it to be a lie too much and I didn't want to hold onto hope only to be crushed by it. "And don't enter my dreams again."_

_"Do you love me, Tamlin?" she whispered brokenly as my arms fell loosely to my sides and I took a step back away from her. "I will do what you ask if you answer me truthfully. I won't enter your dreams anymore and I will speak to Lilianna on your behalf, but I need to know how you feel about me first."_

_I almost kept my mouth shut, refusing to answer her, but if this was going to be the last time I ever saw her I wanted her to know how I felt. "I will continue loving you long after the sun no longer shines in the sky and the very last star in the heavens has burned away to nothing…I will love you long after the earth crumbles and is swallowed up by the oceans – and even when there is nothing left, no signs of life at all in this Cauldron forsaken world, I will continue to love you forever, my beautiful mate."_

_"Then live for me as I am living for you…."_

I woke abruptly and bolted upright in bed, startling Clarissa awake. Brie had kept her word, breaking the connection we shared through our dreams, and I felt a hollow ache spreading outward from my chest. I gave a strong tug on the mental bond we shared as mates and felt nothing. Three more times I tried to get some sort of response from her with the same results. The crushing emptiness within me brought tears to my eyes, and for several long moments I believed she had died. She hadn't. She'd somehow cut the bond between us, and I couldn't blame her as I had asked her to do it. And although I knew I was saving her from a lifetime of misery and heartbreak, the break of our mate bond still hurt more than I cared to admit.

"What's wrong with you?" Clarissa said, roughly dragging her finger along my cheek. She pulled her finger away, and showed me that it was wet with my tears. "My husband – the crybaby. I always thought your kind was strong and fearless, but you have proven me wrong." She pointed to the floor-length gilded mirror, and added, "Go look at yourself in the mirror and see for yourself how pathetic you are."

Against my will my body followed her command, and I slid out of bed to trudge to the mirror. I stared at myself, scarcely recognizing the male who looked back at me. Bruises in various shades of healing covered three-quarters of my body and then there were the jagged cuts crusted with dried blood from the rocks that the villagers had thrown at me. My golden hair hung limp with dried pieces of rotted food adhered to it.

_I am pathetic…it's no wonder Brie broke our mate bond. _

"You see, pet?" Clarissa taunted, getting out of bed to come stand behind me. "Look how easy it was for me to put a _powerful_ High Lord in his place."

"Remove the collar and you will find it is not so easy to put me in my place," I gritted out, and with a mere thought the bruises, cuts and lash marks faded away leaving my skin flawless. "I may die before this is over, but I promise you that you will greet death before I do. You had your one and only warning last night to free me – I would strongly suggest you heed that warning and free me before you and your entire queendom are eradicated by the Fae you despise."

"I don't think so," she said, tugging hard on the silver collar around my throat. "If the Fae do invade my lands you will fight them to the death for me." She circled to face me, and grimacing at the sight of her naked body I averted my eyes. "You are a whipped dog, Tamlin, and whipped dogs are too afraid to turn on their masters."

"I hate you!" I growled, clawed nails punching through my skin, but as I raised my hand to strike her down, she quickly backed away from me, knocking over the mirror. It crashed to the ground, glass shattering, and she cried out as she stepped into the jagged shards littering the floor, cutting her feet. "It's nice to see you bleed for a change, bitch," I added, turning my back on her to go sit on the bed as she hopped from foot to foot to get clear of the broken mirror shards, embedding the glass deeper into her skin.

"You will pay for this!" she screeched, dropping to the ground and calling out to her guards to help her.

Her guards – not me, and I breathed a thankful sigh of relief that in her pain and anger she hadn't ordered me to dig the glass out of her feet. So I sat and watched as two of her guards rushed into our bedchambers, one of which I hated almost as much as Clarissa, and quickly went to work removing piece after piece of glass from her chubby feet. A third guard raced off to get her personal healer to stitch every deep wound, and from the amount of blood on the marble floor I could tell he'd be busy quite a while. That thought brought a genuine smile to my face and I laughed when she screamed in pain.

"You should be more careful, your majesty," I called out to her, reveling in the sight of her blood and the small victory I'd won over her. "Those cuts look pretty deep, maybe if you weren't so – grotesquely large, the glass wouldn't have gone in so deep."

"Stop!" she order, slapping the guards' hands away from her, and looked up to glare at me. "Walk through the glass, Tamlin, and don't stop until I tell you to. By the time you are finished, no amount of magic will repair the damage done."

Jaw clenched, I pushed to my feet and walked to the mirrored glass. My body trembled as I fought her control over me, to no avail. I lifted a foot and crunched down into the glass, jagged shards piercing my skin and slicing in deep. I bit down hard on my lower lip to keep from crying out as I braced myself and stepped another foot into the glass. Clarissa crawled to the pile of glass for what I thought was a better view of the newest punishment she was inflicting on me. She grabbed two larger shards of glass, the sharp jagged edges cutting into her hands, and I pressed my eyes shut, waiting for her to drive them into the bridge of my feet.

A horrific scream unlike anything I'd ever heard before filled the room, followed by the guards shouting Clarissa's name over and over again, and I pried one eye open and then the other in time to see her jab both pieces of glass into her eyes and yank them out to bury them in her pupils again. When the guards tried to take the glass from her, she slashed out at them, cutting through one of the guard's uniform. That didn't stop me from lifting a foot to stomp down in the glass again, blood dripping from my feet as it leaked from what remained of her eyes.

Brie had done this – this was what she meant by modifying the trigger in Clarissa's mind, and I loved her all the more for it. "If you want to stop plunging the glass into your face, you better tell me to stop walking through the glass!" I shouted above her screams and cries, and stepped down hard into the glass again. "Do it, Clarissa! Now!"

"St-stop," she cried out, sobbing uncontrollably, blood snaking down her arms from the cuts on her hands from the glass. "St-stop," she uttered again, and freed from her command, I hobbled out of the glass and dropped to the floor to pull out the pieces of glass in my feet. The shards of glass slipped out of her hands, and one the guards rushed to the bathroom and hurried back with a towels to wrap around her head and hands.

"How did you do that to her?" the darker haired guard asked, swallowing repeatedly and I scented his fear of me and the other guard's as well.

"I am a powerful High Lord." I winced as I carefully pulled a piece of glass from my foot and threw it on the floor. "Did you honestly think this collar could hold back my power forever?" I added to protect Brie as I didn't want it to get out that the Dream Weaver had used her weaving abilities to make Clarissa mutilate her own eyes. I looked from him to the other guard, the one they called Thomas, honing in on the scar trailing down his right cheek – a scar I had given him and had been beaten severally for. Then my eyes trailed downward to his calloused fingers that had touched every inch of my body, and I inwardly cringed. I tapped at my temple with my bloodstained fingertip and pointed at Clarissa passed out cold in his arms. "I did that to her and will do much worse to you and every other male who forced me to have sex with them against my will. But you were the first and you kept coming back for more – I'm going to take my time with you, and I can't even begin to tell you how much I will enjoy watching you slice off your favorite appendage."

"You're lying," Thomas hissed, pale blue eyes holding mine as the third guard burst into the room with the healer right behind him. "If you were so powerful you would have stopped us by now, but you haven't – because you can't."

"Get her onto the bed," the healer snapped out the order, likely fearing he would lose his life if Clarissa died. The two guards quickly complied, gently lifting her off the ground and laying her in the bed.

Not Thomas though, his focus was on me, and pushing to his feet, he closed the gap between us and stomped on my injured foot. "Use your powers, High Lord," he taunted, crushing my throbbing foot beneath his boot. Darkness edged in around my vision, white hot sparks dancing before my eyes. I blinked repeatedly and bit down so hard on my lower lip I tasted blood in my mouth. "Just as I thought – all your powers are locked away out of your reach." Fisting my hair in his hand, he yanked my head back so I was looking up at him. "Tell me who helped you harm my queen?"

"Torture me all you'd like, I'll never tell you anything," I rasped, the agonizing pain in my foot pushing me toward the blessed darkness of unconsciousness, and I prayed for it. "I-I only obey Clarissa and she is unconscious."

"As you also will be soon enough," he said, thin lips pressing into a wicked smile, and his booted foot came down hard again on my foot, and this time I did scream. "And here's a thought that should terrify you," he laughed softly, "I don't need you to be awake to do all the dirty little things I want to do to you." Although my head was pounding in perfect synch with the throbbing in my feet, I vaguely heard the healer say Clarissa would never see again, and then Thomas was in my face his own face red with rage. "Tell me who did this to my queen!"

"M-my mate," I whispered, and breathing hard through my nostrils, I squeezed my eyes shut. They didn't know who my mate was or anything about what had happened beyond the Wall in the past few years. Let them look for someone who no longer existed. "Ama-Amarantha. Please – please I'm begging you not to hurt her…."

"I'm not sure what scared you more – the thought of me bedding you while you were unconscious or the knowledge of what will happen to you once your wife regains consciousness," he chuckled lightly then brought his lips down hard against mine in a brutal kiss. His lips brushed along my cheek and hovered near my ear. "Do you have any idea how much I think about you?" He leaned back to look me in the eyes and scowled, his hand balling into a tight fist. "Yes, I'm sure you do, and it sickens me that along with every waken moment you've even invaded my dreams using your Fae magic to bewitch me – to make me crave only your touch." He cocked back his arm and slammed his fist into my nose, and I felt and heard the bone crack, blood dripping out of both nostrils. "When I kill Amarantha, I am going to –"

Whatever threat he was about to make I failed to hear as I finally succumbed to the darkness beckoning to me.


	35. Chapter 35

**Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who have taken the time to review ;)**

Chapter Thirty Five

_Lucien_

Mor and Cassian were already gone by the time Azriel and I returned to the House of Wind, leaving only Amren behind to keep an eye on Lilianna and Brie. Azriel shared with her what the Suriel had said about the collar, and from the way she pressed her lips together I could tell she was against the idea of Rhysand relinquishing the power held within the collar to me. It wasn't as if the power truly belonged to Rhysand, not anymore anyway, his ancestor had used his power to commit an evil act and paid the price. Still, they both argued that the power locked within the collar belonged to the High Lord of the Night Court, and also that without knowing the full extent of Koray's powers Rhysand would be a fool to agree to willingly hand those powers over to me.

I calmly explained that I didn't want to gain those powers anymore than Rhysand wanted to relinquish them to me, but it was the only way to save Tamlin from Clarissa. Although Azriel's feelings about Tamlin had changed since the night of the masked ball, he pointed out that with my close ties to Tamlin and Brie's dream weaving abilities along with Tamlin's own power, the balance of power would tip significantly in our favor – a fact that Rhysand would likely take into account when he made his decision of whether or not to help Tamlin.

The two of them left to go speak to Rhysand and Feyre, and since they told me to stay with Brie and Lilianna they were likely going to voice their opinions against helping Tamlin. I couldn't blame them as I probably would have done the same thing if our situations were reversed, but that left me to tell Brie there was no way to save Tamlin. Well, at least there wasn't a way to save him without her weaving into someone's dreams thereby forcing Rhysand to agree to give up the power within the collar. But if she did that, it would ruin any chance for an alliance between our two Courts.

Lilianna must have known what the Suriel would tell us. She had to know. She didn't try to talk Azriel out of going to find the Suriel to get the answers we needed, and now she was leaving us to make the decision of what to do with the information the creature had given us. Her Higher Beings toyed with us continuously, hurting people I cared about in the process and she was their willingly eager pawn. And I didn't doubt for a single second that they could release Tamlin from the collar's hold on him if they wanted to. They didn't want to. They wanted the two Courts that formerly loathed each other to work and sacrifice for the betterment of all Prythian. Tamlin had already sacrificed more than any male ever should have to sacrifice and now it was Rhysand's turn.

Needing time to dampen the anger building inside of me, I waited until morning to go speak to Lilianna. Or at least that's what I told myself over and over again. I was angry – furious actually, nonetheless that wasn't the reason I put off going to see her. I needed the anger to bury the hurt and pain eating me up inside. I couldn't bring myself to tell her how much I loved her, but I could yell at her for worshipping her Higher Beings when all they did was bring pain and suffering to everyone I cared about. Maybe if she saw Tamlin's battered body with her own eyes or felt her sister's heartbreak and utter sadness over her mate's captivity, she'd realize how cruel and wicked her Higher Beings truly were.

Fists clenched, I stalked down the arched hallway to where my golden eye detected two distinct heartbeats. As I hone in on the weaker of the two heartbeats, my own heart became heavy in my chest and I slowed my pace, dreading the final steps to the bedroom door. The knock on the wooden door sounded too loud and I cringed knowing I couldn't turn and run away. Brie answered the door and she looked as worn out, dragged under and as stretched thin as I felt.

I cleared my throat twice, but my voice still sounded rough and raspy as I said, "I would like to speak to Lili alone, please."

Without letting me inside, she stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her. "I saw Tamlin in our shared dreams last night," she whispered, glancing down the dimly lit corridor. "I don't know whether I should kiss you or punch you in the stomach for not telling me how bad it has been for him – it's so bad, Lucien, and you made it worse for him by whatever stunt you pulled."

"I burned her castle to the ground," I said, grimacing at the idea of Tamlin enduring more torture as a result of what I'd done. "I didn't go to the border of her lands with the intent to burn the place down, but I just couldn't stand around doing nothing anymore."

"I know what you mean," she said, tears gathering in her blue eyes. "I set a trigger in her mind so she would kill herself the next time –"

"You can't do that – you have to remove it or Tamlin will die, too," I interjected, recalling the Suriel's warning.

"I modified the trigger I wove at Tamlin's insistence. She will cause herself great bodily harm, but unfortunately she will live for a while longer." She pressed her eyes shut and tears leaked down the sides of her face. "Tell me you're going to save him, Lucien. I need to hear that you have a plan to rescue him."

"If all goes according to plan we will rescue him tomorrow," I said, omitting that the plan might fail before it was ever set in motion due to the price Rhysand would have to pay to free Tamlin. I bobbed my head at the door, and hoping to put an end to the conversation before she asked the specifics of the plan, I added, "I'll stay with Lili while you get some rest."

"Make sure she knows how you feel about her," she said, resting a hand on my arm and giving a gentle squeeze. "She needs to hear that you are in love with her."

I nodded because what else could I do? I'd confessed my feelings for Lilianna to her, and I imagined that if I told her that I couldn't tell Lilianna how I felt, Brie would do to me what she did to Clarissa, set a trigger in my mind to cause great bodily harm to myself. And I couldn't begin to imagine what she'd do to me if she ever found out I'd slept with Lilianna. She would never believe that making love to Lilianna meant more to me than it did to her. Lilianna would've been just as happy to sleep with the Fire Breather. She had every intention of going back to his tent and was angry that I'd pleaded with her not to go with him. Sure, she'd touched me first out of curiosity and boldness I found utterly intoxicating, but she would've done the same if it had been him instead of me.

"I know you're as angry and heartbroken as I am that she's dying," Brie continued when I failed to speak, her lower lip quivering as she tried keep from breaking down. "I'll be angry and heartbroken forever that I'm going to lose her again. It's not fair – none of it is fair, and I feel as if it is my fault for what I did to my uncle." She drew in a shaky breath and slowly exhaled, trying to compose herself even as tears spilled down her cheeks. "We can't let her see our anger, Lucien. It won't do any good. Not one damn bit of good – she needs to have a peaceful death this time."

I nodded again and reached for the door handle. If I put seeing her off any longer, I wouldn't have the nerve to walk into the bedroom. Brie gave me an encouraging albeit watery smile then walked away, shoulders shaking as she gave into her overwhelming sadness. I waited until she rounded the corner then pushed open the door. I didn't take a step inside the elegantly furnished bedroom, I just stood there with my golden eye whizzing as I took in the sight of king-sized, ornately carved mahogany sleigh bed, and noticed how deathly pale Lilianna appeared nestled beneath the rich, dark blue comforter. She looked so frail and lifeless my breath caught in my throat. I waited, watching for her chest to rise and fall as she drew in a shallow breath then I slowly exhaled.

I couldn't do it – couldn't watch another female I loved die. My chest and throat tightened painfully, making it almost impossible to draw air into my lungs. My heartbeat thundered in my ears, racing so fast – too fast._ She's dying. She's dying. She's dying._ My mind kept repeating those words over and over again in perfect sync with my heartbeat, and my knees went rubbery. I wouldn't make it to the bed before they gave out on me.

"Lucien…you came to see me," Lilianna rasped, momentary surprise flickering in her golden brown eyes. "I didn't –"

"I-I'm so sorry, Lili," I whispered hoarsely, and winnowed away before she could respond.

I appeared in the kitchen startling Brie, stayed only long enough to tell her I couldn't watch Lilianna die, and winnowed out of the House of Wind as she opened her mouth to speak. I stepped out into the courtyard behind Rhysand and Feyre's townhouse, and hid behind the gardening shed to wait for Elian to come outside to tend her gardens. Not that I had much interest in planting, watering and weeding flowers and vegetables, but I had to admit she had a knack for it.

I'd only been outside in the courtyard a few times and it always surprised me to see so many red flowers. Begonias, dahlias, azaleas, roses and various other flowers in striking shades of red filled every flowerbed along other flowers in complimentary colors. When Feyre returned to the Spring Court after Under the Mountain, she seemed to have a very strong aversion to the color red, and yet the red flowers didn't bother her. Nor did the red ornamental rug in the townhouse or the red stones in Cassian's siphons or the red dresses Mor liked to wear or the splashes of red throughout the townhouse, not to mention the blood Amren drank while others were eating dinner. In fact the only times she ever seemed bothered by the color at all were when she was in the Spring Court. Sure, over time people found ways to deal with the stress and panic brought on by memories of terrifying experiences they lived through, but I was certain Rhysand would've gotten rid of anything remotely close to the shade of red if it brought on the kind of panic Feyre displayed over some red paint or the thought of red flowers for her wedding.

Maybe someday I would point that out to her, not that it would matter. She was with who she was meant to be with, and Tamlin would be with his mate once we freed him – if we freed him. Nonetheless, it would still be nice to see her ask for his forgiveness instead of always feeling as if he should beg for hers.

All thought of Feyre pushed to the back of my mind as Elian walked outside and headed toward the shed to get her gardening tools. Thankfully she was alone and didn't startle at the sight of me stepping out from my hiding spot.

"Can we talk, Elian?" I asked, meeting her at the front of the shed.

She glanced over her shoulder at the sliding glass doors she'd just exited, and sighed. "I guess so as long as we can talk while I'm working." With that said she opened the shed door and went inside to get pruning shears, a hand trowel and watering can. I spied the enchanted gloves I'd bought her on one of the shelves, but again they would continue to go unused by her. "What did you want to talk about?" she added as she passed by me and stopped in front of the ornamental trees to prune.

I watched her set down the watering can and hand trowel, and then tilted her head from side to side to studied the snowy-white flowers on the weeping cherry tree. This was what she loved to do, tending to and nurturing flowers and trees to grow beautifully, and she looked so at peace in this garden she had created and loved that I couldn't help but feel happy for her. It wasn't what I wanted to do with my life and that was okay. It was her passion and she deserved to do what made her happy.

"I'm in love, Elian," I admitted as she was about to cut away a stray branch.

Her back stiffened. "Lucien, we don't even –"

"I didn't mean with you," I blurted out before she went on and on about not wanting a mate and all the reasons why we weren't suited for each other. "The woman I'm in love with is – sh-she's dying, Elian. I didn't mean for it to happen, but she's so much a part of me now, I don't feel complete without her."

Her shoulders relaxed and she turned to face me, setting the pruning shears down on the ground alongside the watering can and trowel. "How long does she have left?" she asked softly, motioning to the bench situated at the side of a manmade rocky waterfall spilling into a tranquil, hourglass shaped pool filled with orange and white fish.

"Only a few days." Chest tightening again, I kept my russet and golden eyes on the fish swimming under the raised wooden bridge to the other side of the pool. "I only have a few days left to be with her and I'm too afraid to go see her."

"You must really be in love if you're telling me about her." I couldn't tell from her guarded expression if she was angered by my admission of love for someone other than her or if she was relieved. I opened my mouth to apologize, but she shook her head as if to say it wasn't necessary, and went on to say, "We love who we love, Lucien. This – mate bond we share, it's not about love – love takes time to grow and flourish." She waved a hand at her garden and a serene smile graced her delicate features. "It's like my garden. If I didn't take the time to feed and water and care for each plant every day they would wither on their stems. Yet all the tender care in the world will amount to nothing if a flower refuses to grow in the shade. It doesn't belong in the shade – it lives for the sun and I don't want to wither in the shade of this mate bond anymore than you do." She shifted to face me, and rested a hand on mine. "You love this girl and I am both happy and heartbroken for you."

"You're relieved I'm not in love with you," I said, feeling the cursed mate bond tug hard at my insides. "Do you feel it – the mate bond? I never can tell with you. Most of the time it feels like you're impervious to undeniable power of the bond between us."

"No, not the way you do," she answered truthfully, and I respected her for her honesty. "I don't want to be with anyone just because the Cauldron commanded me to be with him. I want the free will to choose a male of my own and to fall in love with him for all he is and all he hopes to be, and I want him to feel the same way about me. That is how love works beyond the Wall in the Human Realm, and in my heart I am first and foremost a human female who wants the male I spend the rest of my days with to love me without feeling as if he has to because of some bond between us."

"And you don't think I am capable of being that male?"

"Have you kissed the woman you are in love with?" she asked instead of answering my question.

"Yes, but I don't see –"

"Kiss me, Lucien," she whispered huskily. "You say our mate bond is so strong that not even true love can conquer its immense power – prove it to me. One kiss should be enough to show me that there can be no other male for me or female for you."

Golden eye whizzing, my lips dipped into a frown. "You want me to –"

"Yes, I want you to kiss me," she said, getting to her feet and holding out a hand to help me to my feet.

"Right now? Someone could come outside and catch us," I said, stomach churning at the thought of betraying Lilianna by kissing another female while she hovered between life and death. "I don't think –"

"Shut up and kiss me, Lucien."

Her arms circling my neck, she tilted her head, and her tongue darted out to dampen her lips. My hands framed her face, fingers weaving through her silky hair, and my lips captured hers in what could only be described as a passionless, lukewarm kiss. All I could think about was how horrible I felt when Lilianna kissed the Fire Breather, and my heart ached to be with her more than anything. She was dying and I was kissing another female, and I feared what she would say when I confessed what I'd done. I pulled away from her first, and pressed my fingers to my lips, wishing I could wipe away the memory of this kiss. Lilianna would know what I had done – she always knew, and that would be the memory of me she would take with her when she passed away.

"True love will always win in the end," she whispered, golden brown eyes turning glassy. "If you haven't done so already, tell her you love her. And make sure she understands that not even the mate bond between you and I was strong enough to crush the love you feel for her."

"I'm sorry, Elian," I uttered, blowing out a heavy breath. "As I already said, I didn't mean for this to happen. From the moment I found out you were my mate, I was faithful to you, and then I just fell so hard and fast for her."

"You don't need to say you're sorry for being in love." She looked over her shoulder to make sure we were still alone in the courtyard. "I'm not sorry for how I feel about Azriel. I can clearly recall the first time I met him I was wearing a dress in the same shade of cobalt blue as the stones in his siphons, and sometimes it feels as if I carefully chose that dress because I knew – I knew that I was about to meet the male I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and although I never admitted it to my sisters I thought he was the most beautiful male I had ever seen." She sighed and her eyes took on a dreamy faraway look. "I want to be the one who chases his shadows away. I want to be the one he turns to when the horrors of his life drag him under – I know I am not like Feyre or Nesta or Mor, and I am glad I'm not. The three of them can be cold and ruthless if the need arises, and sometimes even if there is no need for it at all. If I was like them I would not be the right female for him. He would always be on his guard, never sharing his deepest thoughts and dreams with me."

Her words stung, but not as much as they should have due to our mate bond. We didn't love each other and we certainly didn't want the same things in life. I could never be happy settled down tending gardens with her while working for Feyre and Rhysand, and she wouldn't be happy living in the Spring Court. If we tried to make our relationship work we would become the rocks we broke each other bloody upon and live in misery for the rest of our days. "I've always heard that no one can fight the bond between mates, but if you try I have no doubt you will succeed especially since my heart will die and wither to ash when Lilianna dies." I hitched a thumb over my shoulder. "I have to speak to Rhysand before I return to the House of Wind. If I don't see you before I leave I want to thank you for listening to me, and I want you to know that I wish nothing but happiness for you."

"I wish the same for you, Lucien." She pressed up on her toes and brushed a light kiss against my cheek. "Saying goodbye to someone you're in love with will be one of the most difficult things you'll ever have to do, but even if it is, don't waste a second of the time you have left with her."

I left her without saying whether I'd follow her advice or not, and went inside the townhouse to find Rhysand. I didn't have to search long as I found him sitting on the couch in the living room while Feyre was lying down with her head resting on the pillow on his lap. His fingers wove through her hair as they talked quietly to each other about the baby and what they would name him.

"Lucien," Rhysand said without looking up or breaking eye contact with Feyre, and I knew they were speaking to each other through their shared mental bond. "Azriel and Amren informed us what the Suriel had to say about the collar."

"And?" I said, bracing myself for his refusal to relinquish the power of the collar to me.

"You're asking a lot of us," Feyre answered for him, sitting up and lacing her fingers through his. "How can we be certain those powers won't someday be used against us?"

"You can't." I shrugged a shoulder. "You have my word that I would never do that, but whether you choose to believe me or not is up to you. All I know is that Tamlin saved both of you – saved us all from Amarantha –"

"No, I saved –"

"No, you saved him and the Fae of the Spring Court, but he saved everyone else by killing her," I cut in to set the record straight. "The two of you are alive right now because he gave each of you a kernel of his life force. Maybe he loved you at the time, Feyre, and that's why he gave up a part of himself to save you, but the same cannot be said for Rhysand. You owe him a life debt." I lifted two fingers. "Two of them actually and it's time you repaid those debts. Get over your anger and get over yourself, Feyre. You are not the blessed goddess you think you are – Clare Beddor is dead because of you and Rhys. You gave Amarantha –"

"That's enough, Lucien," Rhysand interrupted in a low deadly calm tone. "If you want me to hand you over the power within the collar, this is definitely not the way to accomplish it."

"If I had known what would happen to Clare and her family, I never would've given Rhys her name," Feyre added, lower lip quivering as she rested her hand on her stomach. "And you have no idea how much I still regret causing their deaths."

"Well, all I can say is you're lucky she and her family didn't have powerful relatives with the same thirst for vengeance as you have," I said as without Lilianna and Tamlin I had nothing left to lose. Rhysand opened his mouth to cut me off, but Feyre held up a hand to stop him, and bobbed her head for me to continue. "Lilianna gave me a new perspective on your sisters being Made into High Fae – she told me the exact details of how she was brutally murdered by her uncle and how she only had a short time left to live her second life, and yet she has never bemoaned her fate – your sisters were made better, stronger, faster, with power of their own, and they act as if they emerged from the Cauldron missing arms and legs." I paused briefly to take a breath then added, "And you say you had no idea that Clare Beddor would die and that makes it okay for you to go on and live a happy life, but that same rule doesn't apply to Tamlin. He had no idea Hybern would turn your sisters into High Fae and you ruined every aspect of his life because of it. Which is worse, Feyre? Unknowingly bringing about the deaths of Clare and her family? Or unwittingly helping Hybern make your sisters into High Fae? I would say the former not the latter, and you and Rhys were never punished for your parts in their deaths."

"Are you finished?" Feyre said in a clipped manner, not liking it one bit that anyone would make light of her sisters' suffering, not that they ever truly suffered, not the way Tamlin, Lilianna or Clare and her family had suffered. When I nodded, she continued, "We will hold to our word and do whatever is necessary to save Tamlin, but in return you will return to the Night Court to serve as our emissary to ensure you never use the power Rhys bestows upon you to harm anyone in our Court."

Pursing my lips, I shook my head. "No, you will save him without conditions because it is the right thing to do. I have given you my word that I will never use the power I receive from the collar to harm anyone and I will not break it as long as the Night and Spring Court are allies."

"We will save Tamlin to repay the life debts we owe him," Rhysand spoke up, holding my gaze a long moment. "But if you use your newly acquired powers to harm anyone, I will not hesitate to crush your mind."

"If you're so worried about me harming anyone, then kill me once you free Tamlin," I said, and it almost sounded like a plea. Instead of Lilianna leaving me, I would be joining her, and that brought a smile to my face.

"She wouldn't want you to give me cause to end your life," Rhysand said, and I wondered if he had taken a peek inside my mind and saw that I would rather die to be with Lilianna than to live without her. "Cassian and Mor will be home in the morning and as soon as Azriel finds out where Clarissa has taken Tamlin, we will rescue him."

"Then I will see you in the morning."

"What about Elian?" Feyre said as I turned to leave, and I realized the Rhysand not only looked into my mind, but also shared what he had seen with her through their mental bond. "She's your mate, Lucien. You can't just –"

"I freed her and she freed me," I said without turning back to look at her. "She's in love with Azriel so maybe you can get him to work up the courage to ask her to be more than just his gardening buddy."

"I will," she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. "And I am praying to the Cauldron to save the life of the female you have found you cannot live without."

"Not that it'll do any good, but thank you," I uttered, and made hasty exit before I broke down in front of them.

**Author's note: In case anyone is wondering, yes, Elian was wearing a cobalt dress the first time she met Azriel( page 253 in ACOMAF) and after rereading it knowing about their growing relationship in Sara Maas' books, I kinda wondered if she had done that on purpose as she seems to put a lot of emphasis on colors in this series. Of all the colors she could have chosen for Elian to wear to that particular meeting, she chose cobalt which is the color of Azriel's siphons. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but I liked the idea of Elian looking back on that first meeting and thinking how her dress matched the stones in his siphon - and as for Feyre's aversion to the color red while in the Spring Court, there are so many mentions of the color red after she goes to stay with Rhysand including the thought she had about him and Azriel as they are sparring and how she'd paint them haloed in golds and red - all of the sudden red no longer bothered her and this is only a few weeks after she moved there, not to mention that Mor was wearing a red dress the first time Rhysand took her to the House of Wind and no reaction - it just seems to quick to get over this strong aversion she displayed in the Spring Court, but that's only my opinion...thanks again for reading...:)**


	36. Chapter 36

**Thanks for reading and a special thanks for those who took the time to share their thoughts with me in a review. :)**

Chapter Thirty-Six

_Rhysand_

"Are you sure about giving Lucien your ancestor's power, Rhys?" Feyre asked as we lay in bed wrapped up in each other's arms. Quite honestly, hearing her mention another male's name right after we had just made love was a mood killer. While I understood that she was every bit as concerned as the rest of the Inner Circle was about my decision to free Tamlin by handing over the power residing within the silver collar to Lucien, it still felt like the right thing to do. "There has to be another way – one that doesn't require such a sacrifice on your part. You've given enough – you've sacrificed everything for the good of Prythian and the mortal lands…I know you agreed to help him, but there has to be another way."

"I'm not sacrificing anything. The power within the collar never belonged to me," I whispered as her fingers traced lazy circles across my back. "I am already the most powerful High Lord ever created, and I figured it would be rather redundant to be the most, most power High Lord throughout the history of Prythian." Her lips dipped into a frown at my attempt at humor, and I lightly brushed a kiss against them. "I thought you trusted Lucien. Personally, I find him to be a pain in the ass, but I welcomed him into my home and Velaris because of you. If you've changed your mind about him, I can reconsider keeping my word to him."

"I have the same concerns about this as the rest of the Inner Circle. If you give Lucien the power to break the curse and he decides to return to live in the Spring Court for good, there would be a significant increase in their Court's power – I don't like the idea of Tamlin having that kind of power at his disposal." Pulling away from me, she sat up in bed, rested her back against the pillows and laid a hand on her rounded stomach. "We have our child to think of now, and that means we have to make decisions with him in mind. I'm afraid that if we do this, we will live to regret it later."

"I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to be honest in your response, okay?" When she gave a hesitant nod, I continued, "I've never asked you this before but I'd like to know if you are happy that your sisters were Made into High Fae? They'll never grow old and barring a fatal accident, they'll never die. Elain would've married that Fae hating human and you wouldn't have been allowed to attend the wedding much less visit her. And Nesta – there's not much good I can say about her, but she's still your sister. If somehow we could go back in time and do it all over again to save them from becoming High Fae, would you chose not to save them or would you save them so they could wither with age and die?"

"That's not a fair question, Rhys," she said, letting loose a heavy breath. "I hate myself for the happiness I feel knowing they will live as long as I do – yes, even Nesta. But even so, I still have nightmares of Hybern's guards throwing them in the Cauldron while Cassian was critically injured. I remember it all as if it just happened, and it's easier said than done to just forgive Tamlin for his part in turning them into High Fae against their will."

"Most would argue that what we did to him was far worse by comparison." Her mouth parted slightly as she prepared to defend our actions, but I gently pressed my fingers against her lips. "I am doing this for our son, Feyre. Velaris is the Court of Dreams not the Court of Power or the Court of Vengeance. We cannot build a better world for our son to live in if we remain consumed with the need for revenge. And the truth is that when I entered his mind and found out what really happened the night my mother and sister died, I was ashamed of myself. Tamlin, first and foremost, has always been a protector of those who can't defend themselves, and I forgot that in my anger and grief. I needed someone to blame and he was the only one left alive in his family. It's not easy – hating him is so ingrained within me that I have to keep reminding myself that he saved you, me and so many other Fae. I have to do this, Feyre. I have to repay the life debts we owe him, and if that means relinquishing power to Lucien then that's what I'm going to do."

"Of course you right, but that doesn't mean I have to like it," she said after a lengthy pause, choosing her words carefully. "It's still hard to wrap my mind around – all of it. To think that I would have died if Lilianna hadn't found some small shred of remorse in me for what I'd done to Tamlin. The anger I felt toward him could've killed not only me but our child as well – I knew was dying, Rhys…I could feel my body shutting down, and I was afraid to tell you – afraid of what my death would do to you, and I was so damn afraid of never seeing your face again that I tried to fool myself into believing I would be all right and so would our baby. But then she took my sickness into herself, and she looked so frail and weak – it's going to be hard, but can't live with that kind of vengeful hatred in my heart any longer, not when a girl I didn't even know sacrificed her life to give me a second chance. But as you said, it's not easy to let go of the anger I've felt toward him for a long time now, and it'll be even harder to ask for his forgiveness when the time comes."

"Let's just concentrate on rescuing him for now and worry about any apologies that are long overdue until a much later date. It's not as if Tamlin will be breaking down our door to hear us say we're sorry for ruining his life," I said as I slipped out of bed to get dressed for the day. "I have to meet Azriel, Mor and Cassian at the House of Wind to finalize our plans and if all goes well, I'll see you later this evening. But I can't leave without know that you'll be wearing that sexy red, lacy corset and matching thong when I get home. You know the one with the –"

"Yes, I know which one you're referring to, and the answer is no, Rhys. I'm as big as a house, and sexy would definitely not be the word that came to mind when you saw me dressed in lingerie."

"You always look incredible to me." I leaned across the bed and brushed my lips against hers. "Don't overdo it today. Okay?"

"Don't get yourself killed today. Okay?" she said instead of promising me she would take it easy. I'd watched her growing weaker and weaker, fear gripping hold of me that she would die, casting me into darkness for the rest of my unnaturally long life, and that fear didn't go away once Lilianna took her sickness into herself. Her mind brushed up against mine, a feather soft touch, and I allowed her to see and feel my blinding fear at the thought of losing her and our baby. "I'm going to spend the day reading a book on the terrace while Elian tends to her gardens. But once this is business with the mortal queen is finished I want to go home to the mansion. Elian is settled into the townhouse, and although she hasn't said anything, I know she wants some alone time in her new home."

"She won't be any more alone than we are. Haven't you learned that by now, Feyre darling?" As I spoke, my Illyrian leathers covered my naked body. Feyre pouted and I was sorely tempted to rip off my clothes and make love to her again. "If you don't stop looking at me like that I'll never make it out the door."

A low growl rumbled in my throat as her lips curled into a wicked grin. She didn't want me to go any more than I wanted to leave, and that left me with only one option. I winnowed away, sending a loving caress down our shared mental bond, and could've sworn I heard her purr.

Cassian, Mor, Azriel and Amren were already waiting for me when I entered the dining room, but no sign of Lucien. As Tamlin was his best friend, I would've thought he would've been the first one to show up for this meeting, and when I asked where he was not one of them had an answer for me. Azriel took the opportunity to share with me and the others that Lilianna slipped into a coma at some point during the night and her impending death hit me harder than I expected it would. My eyes stung and watered for the human girl who had saved Feyre and my child's life at expense of her own. Not many, human or Fae, would sacrifice themselves for someone they didn't know, and as I looked around the table I realized we would all feel her loss for a long time to come.

From the wisps of shadows curling and dancing around Azriel and at times obscuring his face, I knew he feared she would pass away while we were rescuing Tamlin. My heart ached for him as did everyone else's. Mor rested a hand atop his, giving it a gentle squeeze, and caught his gaze for a brief moment before he averted his eyes. I almost ordered him to stay with Lilianna – almost. But I needed him and Cassian with me to keep me from melting the minds of every human in Clarissa's queendom. Nonetheless, I promised myself that by the time we were finished with Clarissa and her subjects no human would ever dare to brutally harm another Fae again.

"Go find him," I finally said to Azriel after an hour passed by without Lucien making an appearance. He vanished into his shadows, and I turned my attention to Cassian and Mor. "We've put this off long enough waiting for Lucien – what did the four mortal queens have to say about Clarissa?"

"All four of them are of the same mind on the matter," Cassian spoke first, and from his grim expression I didn't need him to elaborate. He did. "While they pretended to be sympathetic to Tamlin's plight, they were in firm agreement that if we enter their lands and cause death and destruction it would be a violation of our peace treaty with them and would be considered an act of war."

A tremor shook the ground and table knocking over Amren's cup, blood spilling across the surface and dripping on the floor. Although the Cauldron had nullified her terrible powers turning her into a High Fae, she still preferred the taste of blood to anything else. "Did you remind them that it's an act of war to hold a High Lord of Prythian prisoner?"

"Yes, we told them that." Mor's gaze lingered on the spilt blood as she spoke, likely envisioning our blood being spilt on some battlefield if we followed though with our plan to rescue Tamlin. "We also warned them that it was in their best interest not to interfere or they would lose the protection we've provided them since the war with Hybern."

"And?"

"They said they'd let us know their final decision on the matter after the confrontation with Clarissa is over," Cassian responded, his eyes drawn to Azriel as he reappeared with Lucien locked tight in his grip. The reason for such a tight hold became apparent a second later when Azriel let go of him and he wobbled and weaved to one of the chairs, gripping hold of the backrest as if he'd tumble to the ground without the support. "Is he drunk?"

"Shitfaced drunk, I'd say," Amren said, looking Lucien up and down, and wrinkled her pert nose at the strong aroma of whiskey emanating from him. "This is the male you are entrusting the power within the collar to?"

Lucien narrowed his bleary russet eye on her. "Do you hate me? It's just like you look at me and it's like – I get this feeling… I don't know…ugh, I'm not making any sense. It's just that you have that weird haircut and it makes me feel like you don't like me…does that make –"

"Go throw him in a cold shower before Amren beats the hell out of him," I gritted out, wondering why we were going through so much effort to save Tamlin if his own friend couldn't be bothered to stay sober for the rescue mission. "Drunk or sober we're leaving for the mortal realm in one hour, and if this mission fails we will know who's to blame."

Cassian did the honors, dragging Lucien out of the dining hall while Azriel retook his seat. "Not that I condone his actions," Azriel said, his face a mask of calm, having taken the time to compose himself while he was gone. "But I understand that he's heartbroken and doesn't know how to deal with it. Alcohol was his chosen method of escape, and I'm certain we've all been there before."

"Maybe you should postpone the mission until tomorrow?" Mor said, and under the circumstances it might have been our best option, but I wanted it done and over with by the end of the day.

"No, the longer we wait the higher the chances are that the other mortal queens will have sent armies to join her forces." A smoky shadow of my wings rose up from behind my back. "Mor, I need you to go to one of the healers and get a potion to sober him up. I won't have him jeopardizing the lives of Azriel and Cass –"

"Or yours," Azriel interjected, giving me a meaningful look. "The manor Clarissa moved Tamlin to, is well-fortified and warded against attack by our kind. My suggestion would be another fire to draw them into the open. If they have nowhere left to escape to inside the wards, they will have to leave the protected area and that's when we attack."

"Amren and I are going with you," Mor said as she gracefully slid out of the chair to do as I asked. "The queen's men will be armed with ash arrows along with other weapons made of ash. They are expecting an attack – they're waiting for it. A fire would be a good way to rattle them – scatter them, but if Clarissa is smart she'll have some of her army hidden outside the safety of the wards. If they attack from behind while the three of you and Lucien are fighting anyone who breaches the wards you'll be trapped. We'll take cover further back from the grounds of the manor and keep watch for any threats."

"All right," I said without hesitation. As second and third in command, Amren and Mor could hold their own against an entire army of Fae or humans. "None of you are to engage with Tamlin. His raw animal strength far exceeds ours – even mine. I'm hoping he'll attack me first so I can shut his mind down, but if he comes at any of you try your damnedest to evade him."

"His mind isn't what you need to shut down," Azriel pointed out. "His mind is his own, but she controls his body. You could have his mind completely under your control and he'll still attack you with his claws and brute strength."

"Not to mention his ability to control Spring storms," Mor pointed out, gripping the edges of the chair's backrest. "He could strike any of us down where we stand with well aimed lightning bolts."

"You'll have to dig deeper, claw those talons into his mind, and bring him to his knees," Amren said aloud what we were all thinking to ourselves.

"You're suggesting I crush his mind completely likely killing him in the process." From my two encounters with Tamlin, I knew he would be grateful if I melted his mind much in the same way as I did to High Fae while living Under the Mountain as Amarantha's whore. "I would only consider doing that as a last resort." I scratched at my jaw as I considered the problem at hand. If I dug my talons too deep and he did somehow survive it, he'd spend the rest of his long life a drooling mess with a shattered mind. There had to be some way to shield his mind from being destroyed while taking complete control of his mind and body.

Feyre must've had sensed my troubled thoughts, and lightly brushed her mind up against mine in a feather soft caress. _What's wrong, Rhys,_ she whispered through our shared mental bond.

_The only way to save Tamlin might be to crush his mind, and I don't want to ever do that again – I can't, Feyre. I crushed and killed enough innocent Fae to amuse Amarantha…this would be no different. _

She was quiet for several long moments, and just when I thought she'd withdrawn from my mind, she whispered, _What about his mate? Can she use her powers to help you?_

_No, she – wait, I have an idea. _I sent a sensual caress down our mental bond, and felt her heartbeat kick up a notch. _I might be home later than I thought. Wait up for me._

_Are you going to tell me what your idea is?_

_Not right now, but if it works I'll be sure to tell everyone it was your idea. _I closed myself off to her, but not before I heard her call me a prick, and a smile pulled at the corners of my lips. "Brie is going with us to rescue her mate," I announced, and just as I expected Azriel gave a curt shake of his head.

"She's not trained to fight," he said, siphons glowing blue as his shadows seeped out of him once more, curling and weaving through his body. "I can't save Lili, but I'll be damned if I put Brie's life at risk. Lili would never forgive me."

"What's your plan?" Mor said, casting a sidelong glance at the shadowsinger.

"I'm going to put him to sleep and then have Brie pull his mind into hers through their shared mental bond to keep his from fracturing or melting while Lucien and I remove the collar."

"It's never been done before," Amren said, finally righting the cup on the table, and dabbed her finger into the drying blood, bringing it to her lips to lick away every last drop. "Besides the obvious that she is not powerful or skilled enough to successfully pull his entire mind into her own – we have no idea how to reverse the mind transfer once the collar has been removed. Not to mention that two minds sharing one body could have devastating consequences. Since Tamlin is a High Lord who has lived for a very long time, he could easily overload her mind with his memories and power, and if one of them did not survive my bet would be on her."

"There's your answer, Rhys." Azriel bobbed his head at Amren. "She's lived longer than any of us so if she says it can't be done, it can't be done. Your power is greater than his, and yes, I know the risks involved in slipping into his mind to dominate him, but he wouldn't want you to use Brie this way. It would kill Tamlin if she died saving him."

"Remind me again who the High Lord is?" I said, leaning forward to rest my forearms on the table and clasped my hands. When he failed to respond, I added, "Give me a better option, Az. Tamlin needs to survive – it's as simple as that. There is no one to take his place as High Lord of the Spring Court if I melt his mind. We already learned a valuable lesson when the Calanmai ritual wasn't performed, and I for one don't want to watch Prythian be cast into droughts and famine again." I let loose a heavy breath. "I'll explain the risks to her and let her decide for herself. Okay?" He nodded, and my eyes slid to Mor. "We need that potion to sober Lucien up or he's going to be useless to us."

Mor nodded then winnowed away, leaving me with the task of convincing Brie that my plan was our best and only option to rescue Tamlin. I pushed out of my seat and went to find her, and while Amren stayed seated picking at her nails with a pointed blade, Azriel followed me to make sure I explained the risks to her. He slipped in and out of the shadows as we headed down the long corridor leading to the bedroom Azriel had set Lilianna up in when he brought her to the House of Wind – his own bedroom. It was a testament to how deeply he cared for her and I keenly felt how saddened and heartbroken he was that he couldn't do anything to save her life.

I knocked once then entered the bedroom to find Brie lying in bed beside Lilianna, her arm wrapped protectively around Lilianna's unconscious form. Guilt knotted in my chest as I honed in on Lilianna's sluggish heartbeat. She was waiting for us to rescue Tamlin before she drew her last breath, and I owed it to her to fulfill her dying wish.

"Brie," I whispered, and in the quiet of the room, she heard me and lifted her head off the pillow, and pushed upward to rest her back against the headboard.. "I need your help," I added, taking in her swollen, red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face. "Without it I will not be able to accomplish Lilianna's final task."

"That's not fair, Rhys," Azriel uttered in a hushed tone, and moved beyond me to take a seat in the chair beside the bed. "You can't guilt her into the dangerous task you want her to perform."

"Fair or not, it's the truth," I said, wishing I could let Brie stay with Lilianna until the end came, but I didn't see where I had any choice in the matter. It was as if Lilianna's Higher Beings were orchestrating every move I made, and I knew – I knew this was the right way to go about rescuing Tamlin. "Tamlin will be fighting with Clarissa's army against us, and to stop him I'm going to have to enter his mind to shut him down – there is a good chance that I will crush and melt his mind in order to get close enough to transfer the power within the collar to Lucien – that's why I need you to be there with me. If I can enter his mind and command him to sleep, you can use your weaving abilities to pull his mind into your body. It'll keep his mind intact until he's free from the collar."

"What Rhys is suggesting is very risky," Azriel said when Brie looked to him for his opinion. "This is something that has never been attempted before, and therefore we cannot predict the outcome. Amren is of the belief that you would not survive it and I am in agreement with her. Tamlin's memories are vast – his power as absolute as Rhysand's is…in all likelihood this mind transfer would overload your brain's capacity to function – the internal wiring that send signals for your heart to beat and your lungs to fill with air along with every other bodily function could be severely compromised."

Brie looked from him to Lilianna, and fresh tears welled in her eyes. Then she squared her shoulders and drew in a staggered breath and slowly released it. "Who will stay with Lili if I agree to this?"

"Az can fly her to the townhouse where Feyre and her sister Elian will stay with her until we return. I promise she won't be left alone even for a minute while you're gone."

"Promise me you and you Court will take care of Tamlin if I don't survive," she said, grasping hold of Lilianna's hand. "My sister saved your mate from dying – you owe her this favor, Rhysand."

"I give you my word as the High Lord of the Night Court that he will be taken care of if you do not survive," I said, not the least bit surprised that she would willingly risk death to save her mate as I would do the same for Feyre.

"Okay," she said without hesitation, trusting me to keep my word when I had given her no reason to believe I would. "I need a few minutes alone with Lili to say my goodbyes in case I don't – Azriel, if you'll please wait outside the door, I'll come get you when I'm ready."

Azriel got to his feet and leaned down to brushed a kiss against Lilianna's forehead. "I will miss you, little dove – with all my heart I will miss you." Wings drooping, he walked past me and headed outside the door to wait for the moment he would take Lilianna to stay with Feyre.

I turned to leave as well, but she stopped me by saying, "As soon as the collar is removed, I need you to force Lucien to come say goodbye to Lilianna. I don't care how you do it – I don't care what threats you need to make – I just need to know that the last voice she hears before she dies belongs to the man she loves."

"I will drag him to the townhouse myself if necessary, Dream Weaver," I vowed, bowing slightly before I turned and headed out the door.

XxXxXx

The risks involved when bringing not one but two untrained and unskilled male or females into a battle always far exceeded their value in any skirmish. We'd trained Feyre for months before the war with Hybern and even then I worried it wouldn't be enough. But at least she had been trained by the very best Illyrian warriors. Brie had never even seen a battle much less fought in one, not to mention that she severely lacked the proficiency needed to wield any of the weapons sheathed at the sides of the Illyrian leathers Mor scrounged up for her. She'd be more of a distraction and liability than an asset, and there wasn't one member of the Inner Circle who hadn't strongly voiced their opinion on the matter. Yet for as much as they disagreed with my decision, I didn't relent. She needed to be close enough to the fray to react the second I commanded Tamlin to sleep. If she failed in her one task – he would die and it would be both of our faults.

Lucien was another complication I'd rather not have to deal with. He'd never be considered a skilled warrior. Sure, he could fight with the best of them, but he didn't have the steel resolve or the hardened heart to do whatever was necessary to eliminate his enemies in a bloody battle. And even under the best of circumstances with his mind solely focused on the skirmish and well-trained warriors fighting alongside him, he would still be more of a hindrance than helpful. He loved Tamlin much in the same way as I loved Azriel and Cassian – but he loved Lilianna more and to save him would mean he was killing her. I couldn't even begin to fathom what I would do if saving one of my dearest friends meant that Feyre would die.

It was an impossible decision, and yet he didn't run away from doing what Lilianna wanted him to do in the end. After learning the location of the manor from Azriel, he winnowed to the cover of the woods lining the manor while I winnowed Cassian to the same location. Azriel winnowed alone leaving Brie behind at the House of Wind – an understandable bit of defiance on his part. I couldn't fault him for it just as I hoped he wouldn't blame me for returning to get her. Mor winnowed Amren to a location further away from us and the manor to scout for any hidden threats.

As if to punctuate our arrival, thick, dark storm clouds gathered overhead – the High Lord of the Spring Court's way of welcoming us to the battle. Ominous thunder rumbled, and I could feel its power tremble in my bones. It was as Mor predicted – Clarissa would use every bit of the power Tamlin possessed to fight her enemies – to fight us.

"Will your fire still burn if it pours?" I asked Lucien as the first heavy drops of rain splattered the ground. "If they aren't driven from the manor, the battle will be over before it even started."

"It will burn," Lucien answered somberly, his golden eye whizzing as he narrowed his russet eye to look through the trees toward the manor. "The forest is too close to the manor. Depending on the intensity of the fire I create, the trees will need to be shielded from the flames or else we will be dealing with a wildfire alongside the battle."

"Can you keep the fire contained inside the manor grounds like you did with the castle?" Azriel said as he moved to hover near Brie.

"You're asking me to create a swift moving deadly blaze not a campfire," Lucien snapped, and opened his mouth to continue, but whatever he planned to say caught in his throat as twin lightning bolts slammed into the ground not ten feet away from where we stood. The hairs on my arms stood on end as did everyone else's.

"Start the fire," I ordered, knowing it would be our best chance of diverting Clarissa's attention away from ordering Tamlin to strike us down. When Lucien hesitated to do as asked, I added, "I'll shield the damn forest myself – go set the manor and all outlying buildings on fire – now, Lucien!"

Taking me at my word, Lucien disappeared into the forest, leaving us to prepare for the fight ahead. As Azriel and Cassian prepared themselves for the fight to come, shielding themselves in the warm glow of the red and blue light of their seven individual siphons, I turned my attention to Brie. "Tamlin senses your presence – he has since you arrived. If he calls out to you – don't answer him, and whatever you do don't run out to him. Stay hidden within the forest until I tell you it's time to pull his mind into yours. Understand?"

"What if it doesn't work?" she asked hesitantly.

"It'll work," I stated confidently, bracing my hands on her shoulders and looking her square in the eye. "If you're afraid – if you don't think you can accomplish this task, I need to know now. There's only so long that I can crush in on his mind before the damage will be irreversible. I need to know if I'm going to have to finish the job so I can prepare myself for the inevitable outcome."

"I can do it," she said, tilting her chin. "You just worry about the job you have to do and let me worry about what I have to do."

"The fire is lit," Cassian called out to us, putting an end to any conversation, and as if the stormy sky overheard him, it unleashed a downpour on us. Rain and hard chunks of ice pelted the ground. The branches overhead creaked and swayed in the gusting wind, dipping low with the added weight of the water.

"Is it still lit?" Azriel shouted above the roaring wind, unable to see the manor from where he stood hidden in the trees.

"Yes." Cassian faced us and grinned, but his grin turned to a scowl when a chunk of ice pelted him in the face. He scrubbed a hand down his rain-soaked face, and blinked away the droplets clinging to his eyelashes. "The roof is on fire. Within a few minutes the whole manor will be fully involved."

"Good." I gave a curt nod and with one last look at Brie, I went to join Cassian at the edge of the forest as did Azriel. My eyes narrowed on the rain pouring down on the flames towering above the manor, and with every heavy droplet of water the fire burned hotter, thick black smoke billowing into dark gray sky. Lightning forked across the sky, thunder rumbling the ground in its wake. This was the power of the High Lord of the Spring Court, and it was truly magnificent to behold – or at least it would be if we weren't about to engage in combat in the near-blinding rain. "Take to the sky, Azriel, and make sure you are watching above you for lightning strikes."

Azriel cleared the trees and launched into the air then dove sharply to evade a bolt of lightning that zigzagged unnaturally in an attempt to strike him. Cassian looked to me, and his grim expression matched my own.

"I didn't expect him to be this powerful," he said, body flinching as another lightning bolt struck a nearby tree, splintering the wood in pieces.

"Every High Lord has his own powerful gifts and he is a master at his as I am at mine," I said, keeping my eyes on the manor, waiting for Clarissa's armies to flee the protective wards. Then my gaze traveled to Azriel circling the manor while evading the lightning, but he couldn't outmaneuver the chunks of ice pelting his wings and skin. The hail and rain broke through the blue halo of his shield without any difficulty at all, and he must've realized at the same time that I did that his shields could not stop a force of nature. The shield could stop ash arrows and explosions of power from an attacking enemy, but it did little against rain and hail. "Reinforce your shield," I shouted to him above the ominous howling wind. "Fly to him and have him do the same."

Cassian stepped out of the forest, and wings splaying open, he took to the air, wings flapping hard against the brutal force of the wind. It was then that the first of Clarissa's army filed out of the iron gates, and scurried for cover only to be driven back by Lucien and the wall of flames he'd thrown in their path. They hurriedly took cover behind the flowering shrubs lining the shielded iron fences – not all of them fitting in the crowded space between the fence and the shrubs. More of her guards pushed to get out of the way of the inferno burning through anything in its path.

From their makeshift cover her army let loose ash arrows, one after the other, over and over again, and I had to laugh at the sight of the arrows wobbling through the wind gusts, blown off course to land harmlessly far from their targets. Cassian focused the power within his seven glowing red siphons on one group of males, and unleashed the full strength of that power on them. The shrub disintegrated into shredded leaves and splinters of wood, and the males taking cover behind it flew backward into the air, two of them ending up impaled on the pointed finials of the iron fence.

More of her army spilled through the gates, slipping and sliding in the slick muddy grass. It was at that moment that Tamlin came into view being led by a dark-haired male with a scar on his cheek. I'd seen him in Tamlin's memories, and knew instinctively that above all the others excluding Clarissa, Tamlin hated him the most. I took a step out of the woods and then another, watching the male who was responsible for a great deal of Tamlin's pain and suffering, and cringed at the sight of him fisting Tamlin's hair in his hand and kissing him hard on the mouth. An act meant to humiliate him in front of those trying to save him.

My wings exploded to life behind my back, and I launched myself into the air, circling high above the manor – too high to be stopped by the wards. Rain and ice beat mercilessly against my skin and wings, and the combination of acrid smoke and rain blurred my vision, forcing me to retreat to lower ground. I dove and flattened out my body, gliding to skim above the shrubs, and letting loose my talons, I clawed viciously into the flesh of every male I swept by. Screams followed in my wake – a small victory followed by a crushing blow. I looked back to see the damage I'd done – I didn't even see the arrow or the male who had taken aim and got lucky. The ash arrow struck hard and buried itself within my left shoulder. I jerked, body shuddering at the poison leaking into my blood and flesh, and crashed to the ground, but not before another arrow pierced through my back.

I felt Feyre's distress and fear ripple through me, and quickly threw up my impenetrable adamant shield to block her from feeling my pain and the poisoned weakness spreading rapidly through my body. I reached for the arrow embedded in my shoulder, and yanked hard, ripping it out of my flesh. I tried to get stretch my arm far enough behind my back to pull out the other arrow – I tried. I couldn't reach it – I couldn't, and my eyelids were growing heavy – so damn heavy.

The last thing I heard before I succumbed to the poison flooding through me, driving me into blissful darkness was a terrible roar. The roar of a beast unleashed to end the short-lived battle.

**Author's note: sorry for the delay but I was struggling with how to write the confrontation between Rhysand's forces and Clarissa's army. Writing fight scenes or battles is definitely not my strong suit but I try not to shy away from it. I felt as if this battle needed to be written in more than just Rhysand's pov and with that being said the next chapter will be from Lucein's pov. Hopefully I will have it finished by the time I go on vacation with the family on Thursday...thanks again for reading...**


	37. Chapter 37

**Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who wrote a review:) Hopefully this second half of the battle won't be terrible as I struggle writing purely action chapters and that's what this chapter turned out to be. I'm going on vacation so I won't be able to write the next chapter until i return...thanks again:)**

Chapter Thirty Seven

_Lucien_

Though the merciless downpour I saw Rhysand crash to the ground not far from where I'd positioned myself to block the forest as a means of escape, and also to protect Brie from being discovered.. Focused on evading ash arrows and lightning, Cassian and Azriel hadn't noticed the first arrow pierce Rhysand's shoulder or the second one lodge deep into his back. The High Lord of the Night Court brought down by one male with two arrows. Luck or skill, I couldn't decide – didn't have time to decide. Tamlin's roar – the beast within him unleashed, drove me into action. With a twist of my wrist a ball of flames burst to life in my hand, and I threw it at the archer as another appeared in my hand to throw into the shrubs. At the sound of the archer's horrific scream, I took off running toward Rhysand. Dragging him up off the ground, I winnowed into the forest.

Brie gasped at the sight of his deathly pale face and the blood leaking from the wound in his shoulder. She didn't shy away, quickly dropping down on her knees in front of Rhysand to hold him while I carefully pulled the ash arrow out of his back. He didn't even flinch, definitely not a good sign.

"What do you need me to do?" Brie said without a hint of panic in her tone as she pressed her hand to his shoulder to try to staunch the flow of blood. "Can the two of us heal him if we work together?"

"He needs the antidote to counteract the poison." The cure to the ash arrows Rhysand and his Inner Circle knew would be used against them, but in their arrogance they hadn't considered the antidote necessary. In truth, they hadn't even thought about the possibility of getting struck by an arrow. I did. Ever since Clarissa poisoned me with ash dust, I'd started stockpiling the antidote, keeping it stored in the between place in close reach if I ever needed it. A glass vial appeared in my hand filled to the stopper with shimmering lavender liquid. "Pour some of the liquid on his wounds and then force the rest down his throat," I instructed, and handing her the vial, I pushed to my feet. "He'll want to get right back out there to fight alongside Azriel and Cassian – don't let him. The antidote needs time to work its way through his body."

"I'll make sure he knows who saved his life," she said, and bobbed her head toward the edge of the woods. "Save him, Lucien – please…."

"That's what I'm trying my damnedest to do."

I winnowed back into the heart of the rain drenched fray. My golden eye whizzed, searching for Tamlin. So focused on finding him it took Mor shouting my name for me to whip around, and I sent up a fireball to burn through the arrows flying straight toward me. As she predicted Clarissa had sent part of her army into hiding outside the wards of the manor, and at least thirty males were running toward us with weapons drawn.

Tamlin roared, the ground trembling beneath us, and I scarcely winnowed to Mor and Amren before a lightning bolt struck the ground where I had been standing. Too close – much too close, and although I desperately wanted to believe the roar had been a warning for me, anger still sparked to life inside of me.

"Where's Rhys, Cas and Az?" Mor shouted, slamming her fist into the face of a male who leapt at her. A blade materialized in her hand, and she drove it into the male's chest as several other males rushed us.

"Fighting them from the sky," I yelled back, keeping Rhysand's near fatal wounds to myself for the time being. Unsheathing my knives, I let one of them loose, and it found its mark, the blade burying to the hilt in one male's chest. One of them slipped on soaked grass, I hook an arm under his shoulder, gripped hold of his hair, and sliced his throat open wide. Blood gurgled in his mouth, eyes wide with panic as if he didn't realize he was already dead. Rain mingled with the blood spilling out of the gaping wound, sending rivers of pinkish blood down his chest.

I dropped him on the ground, and took off running toward the manor once more. I needed to get to Tamlin before he hurt or killed any of Rhysand's close friends. If I didn't, it wouldn't matter if he was not in control of his actions. Rhysand would kill him without giving it a second thought, and from the lightning forking across the sky, traveling in unnatural zigzags wherever Cassian and Azriel flew, missing by mere inches, I knew – I knew it would be only a matter of time before one of them was struck down by the awesome force of Tamlin's power.

Rain sluiced down my face, fat droplets rolling over my metal eye and blurring the vision in my russet eye, making it hard to see very far, and what made it all the worse was the thick gray fog rolling in to hide the High Lord of Spring from Clarissa's enemies. The fire still raged behind the manor's shielded borders, and I could hear the screams of her army and servants as the flames devoured everything in their path. I honed in on those screams, slashing the blade of my knife at anyone who appeared out of the fog and pouring rain as I dodged and darted toward the manor.

I couldn't see Azriel or Cassian any longer, either they were too far up in the sky or the blinding, dense fog had obscured them from view. I couldn't see – I couldn't figure out where I was going, and several times I got turned around when males came at me from out of nowhere. Just as lost and blind in the fog as I was, they struck out at anyone who crossed their path, and twice I stumbled over the bodies of humans with ash arrows impaled in their lifeless corpses.

The ground rumbled almost ceaselessly punctuated with loud _cracks _of thunder when lightning struck something close by. My guess would be trees, but there were screams – terrible, horrible screams, and I knew deep in my bones that when the fog cleared there would be males who had been electrocuted lying dead on the ground. My heart was pumping so fast – too damn fast, my body tense with fear that I would mistakenly run straight into the path of a lightning bolt if I didn't get to Tamlin and somehow knock him out to end the storm and clear a path for the Inner Circle to finish the battle.

Somewhere off in the distance I could hear Mor shouting to Amren, and then came a faint reply from Amren saying she'd been hit by an ash arrow. My stomach began to churn, bile rising swiftly in my throat. Someone came rushing at me from out of the deadly fog – out of seemingly nowhere, and I didn't even have time to raise my knife before I found myself thrown flat on my back with a male sprawled on top of me. Gripping hold of his tunic, I threw him off of me, and scrambled on top of him, plunging my knife into his chest over and over again, tasting his blood in my mouth as it splattered into my face.

From all around me, males and females were shouting – calling out for help, crying out in pain, screaming for anyone to find them. Then Tamlin roared, the ground quaking with the sound of it. The ferocious, heart-stuttering roar seemed to close in on me from all directions, and for several seconds I seriously considered winnowing away from the fight we couldn't win. Not with Rhysand out of commission and Azriel and Cassian hemmed-in dodging lightning bolt after lightning bolt. Somewhere within the heavy fog and brutal rain, Amren was injured and likely dying and I had the only cure to save her, but my senses were thrown off kilter.

Making a split second decision, I ripped off a long strip of fabric from my tunic, and covered my russet eye and stuffed small pieces of fabric in my ears, leaving only my golden eye open to see and hear for me. My golden eye whizzed, focusing in on the sound of Amren's panted breaths, and without my russet eye hindering a clear view of the landscape unobstructed by fog, I took off running toward her, darting around anyone who got in my path. When I reached her, I scooped her up off the ground, and winnowed mid-run to the forest where Brie was waiting. Again, I handed her a vial of the antidote, and took no more than a second or two to access Rhysand's improving complexion and noted that he was up and moving around, albeit slowly, before I winnowed away again.

I appeared in front of Mor, grabbed hold of her hand, and took off running with her keeping pace with me. "We have to get to Amren," she whispered to keep our location hidden from Clarissa's army and Tamlin. "She's injured – an ash arrow," she added more frantically, tugging hard to break my hold on her hand.

"She's safe," I assured her in the same hushed tone, zigzagging away from three males who couldn't see us anymore than Mor could see them. "Brie's given her the antidote. We have to find Tamlin. Now. If we knock him unconscious the storm will end and the fog will lift."

"Brie…." Tamlin called out to her, his voice traveling on an eerie breeze, and I quickly pinpointed his location. "I need you…please, help me…."

"We have to find her," Mor whispered, wiping uselessly at the rain dripping down her face and into her eyes. "She won't be able to resist her mate's cry of distress."

"Duck!" I shouted, spying three ash arrows whizzing toward us, and we both dropped into the wide puddle we had been running through, the arrows nearly hitting their mark. More arrows flew past us, landing feet from where we sloshed through the puddle on our hands and knees.

"I didn't even see the arrows," she whispered in awe, casting a glance in my direction. "Thank you, Lucien."

Hearing the gratitude in her voice, something loosened inside of my chest – the tightness of always feeling as if everyone thought I was useless and mindless if I wasn't following the commands of someone else. No one other than Lilianna had ever seen me – really seen me as brave or strong or someone who could be relied upon to beat the odds and win the battles we'd fought side by side.

"We need to stick to crawling for a while," I uttered, suddenly hoarse from the emotions flooding through me. More arrows whizzed by overhead, more reason not to stand. "They can't see us anymore than you can see them so they are aiming blindly into the fog to try to hit anything that moves."

"You can see them with your eye blindfolded?"

"You're forgetting that my ears are plugged as well," I chuckled lightly amidst the chaos. "With my mechanical eye I can see and hear through the impenetrable fog."

Well above us Cassian and Azriel darted through the air like hummingbirds, keeping ahead of the lightning while shooting off bursts of red and blue power from their siphons in the general direction of the manor. Explosions rocked the ground, and with my golden eye I saw two of the outbuildings disintegrate, debris flying through the air to slam into those still trying to put out the fires I set.

Clarissa was done playing with the Illyrian warriors, and through the sensitive inner workings of my mechanical eye, I heard her shout an order to Tamlin to clip their wings. Mor hadn't heard the command, but she certainly felt the wind begin to howl, whipping her hair around her face as it intensified. Trees bent low and snapped while others uprooted from the ground entirely. I pushed Mor flat to the ground less than a second before a jagged tree limb flew right over our heads, crashing to the ground only to be picked up by hurricane force winds again. The rain slanted sideways, pelting our bodies and faces. Mor couldn't blink fast enough to clear her eyes to keep the rain out, and ended up with her face down in the soggy grass.

Cassian fell first, tumbling to the earth and landing with a splash in a large puddle, yet somehow managed to stay on his feet. Azriel wasn't so lucky. The wind threw him backward into the trees, his back slamming up against the rough bark – and the tree gave way, roots tearing out of the ground. I lost sight of him then, lost amidst the heavy boughs as the tree toppled to the ground.

"Stay here," I shouted over the whipping winds, and without waiting for her to answers, I crawled toward the manor. My muscles strained and trembled with each move I made. Slow going – so damn slow, but I kept inching toward Tamlin until his spiraled horns came into view then his lupine head, yellow fangs seeming to gleam against the dark sky. His massive arms were outstretched, commanding the wind to do Clarissa's bidding, and he wouldn't stop until she won the battle.

I raised my hand, gently blew on my palm, and bluish flames flickered to life. A valuable trick my mother had taught me as a child, reminding me never to tell or show my brothers what I had learned unless they tried to kill me. My arm shot out straight, my intent clear, and the ball of blue flames landed feet from Tamlin and quickly spread around him in a circle. "Up!" I commanded and the flames danced and rose as Tamlin pivoted on his clawed foot. "A cage you will make – a prisoner you will take – Rise up!" The flames separated to form living, burning bars no male or beast could escape from. Tamlin roared in rage – roared and tried to break free only to be burned by my trap.

"Lucien," he growled, but there was no venom behind his pronunciation of my name only sadness and perhaps relief. "Run before I am forced to hurt you," he added in a lower tone that he knew no one other than me could hear. "Run and take Brie with you…."

"I'm not leaving without you." Bracing my hands against the muddy ground, I slowly straightened to my full height. The wind beat at my face and body, pushing me backward then sideways, my hair whipping wildly in the strong gusts of wind. But I stood my ground – or at least I tried to, and took a step forward every time I was pushed back. "We have a planned to save you – so don't you dare give up on me!"

Sure, we had a plan but it would only work if Rhysand made an appearance. I should have told Mor to make her way to the forest to get the High Lord's ass moving to save the day. I didn't. However – however, the blue and red punches of raw power flanking either side of me flooded me with relief. Cassian and Azriel ran against the wind, falling back steps at a time and dodging lightning strikes, yet they kept coming.

And then as Tamlin prowled back and forth in the cage of flames, Rhysand appeared beside me, but he didn't come alone. Brie huddled in the protection of his massive wings, shivering from the rain or more likely fear.

"Get. Her. Out. Of. Here!" Tamlin roared, panic clearly evident in his green eyes.

"Kill her!" Clarissa shouted, and I honed in on the sound of her voice until I spied her laying in a makeshift gurney surrounded by her men just outside the wards around the burning manor.

Tamlin struggled to fight her control over his body, trembling and shaking, to no avail. He threw himself at the bluish flames, and howled as his fur caught fire. That didn't stop him though. Again, he rammed into the bars, and again the cage held. He was going to kill himself if Rhysand didn't do something soon.

Suddenly Tamlin's body went slack, and his eyelids drooped until they closed. He dropped over on the ground fast asleep. "Now, Brie," Rhysand yelled, and Brie's eyes turned completely blue with flecks of darkness in them. Her body began to convulse, and she, too, dropped over on the ground, body still twitching. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach – we were killing her to save him, and that didn't seem remotely right to me.

"Remove the cage," Rhysand ordered as the wind died down to a stiff breeze and the rain slowed to a gentle shower. I did as he said, gutting the flames, and while Cassian and Azriel provided bursts of power to keep the remains of Clarissa's army at bay, Rhysand and I walked to where Tamlin slumped on the ground, and we crouched to touch the collar. "I give to you, Lucien of the Autumn Court, the power of my ancestors – the power of the male who used dark magic to harm your ancestor…I offer you this power and my sincerest apology for what happened to Kara."

Wave after wave of power crashed over me, filling me up inside until I feared I would explode from the sheer magnitude of it – and with the terrifying power came knowledge – a voice whispering through my mind things I didn't dare believe. The collar shattered into dust, and blew away in the wind. I stood and with a wave of my hand, Tamlin lifted up off the ground and came to rest beside Brie. I closed the gap between us, and crouching beside them, I rested a hand on each of their heads. Power flowed through me to him and to her, and with a strong mental push I forced him out of her mind and back into his own. His eyes fluttered open first, bright green and wide awake then her eyes opened. They both looked to me for a long moment before they found each other's gaze. Pulling her into his arms, he captured her lips in a lingering kiss, tears running down both their faces.

I glanced back at Rhysand, and not surprisingly his brow was furrowed in concern over what he had just witnessed. A faint smile pulled at my lips. "You have nothing to worry about, Rhysand. This power doesn't belong to me – it never did. I promise you it will be gone soon enough, leaving me as I was before you bestowed it upon me."

I winnowed before he could think to ask me what I meant or thought to demand the power be returned to him, and went back to Velaris to find Lilianna.


	38. Chapter 38

**Back from vacation! Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who took the time to review! **

Chapter Thirty Eight

_Tamlin_

_Free – but not even remotely close to being free. _Those words kept tumbling through my head as I kissed Brie. Clarissa was still carrying my child – my son, and for as much as I hated her I couldn't harm an innocent child…couldn't harm her. Brie and Lucien had risked everything for me – not to mention Rhysand coming to my rescue regardless of the alliance he'd forged with the humans. Now they wanted Clarissa dead and it sickened me to have to try to put a stop to it.

Without the storm I created to blind them, Azriel, Cassian, Morrigan, and Amren were making quick work of the remainder of Clarissa's army, shattering ash arrows midair with bursts of power while swords clashed on ground below. Rhysand joined the fray, striking down male after male with his immense power. Thomas had disappeared when Rhysand commanded me to sleep and Brie swept me into her mind, and the continuing battle gave him to the opportunity to escape death. He needed to die – I needed him to die.

At Clarissa's command, I'd healed the broken bones in my foot and my nose he'd caused after she'd gouged out her eye, but no matter how hard I tried I would never be able to heal my mind from what he had done to me later that night. What made it all the worse was that when I was trapped in Brie's mind all my horrible memories were laid bare for her to witness. It was bad enough that Rhysand had invaded my mind and had seen every disgusting and humiliating thing I'd endured – how could she ever look at me and not be repulsed?

So lost and broken, I didn't realize I had gotten to my feet nor did I realize until much later that the scream of anguished rage that trembled the ground came from me. Mindless of what I was doing I tore through anyone who got in my way, shredding flesh and bone with my claws and fangs. Blood splattered my face and clothes, and the slightly metallic taste of it on my tongue drove me forward. Male or female – none of them were innocent – all of them were too vile to live. In a blind rage, I didn't see faces only monsters that needed to be shredded until their blood covered the earth.

_Stop_! The strong mental command pushed into my mind, and still I raised a clawed hand to strike down the beast in front of me. _Stop now!_ The command froze my arm mid-strike, claws mere inches from my next kill. _Let go of Cassian and sheath your claws and fangs. Now! _Against my will, my claws retracted as did my fangs, and I blinked hard several times to clear my head enough to see that my one hand was fisted in Cassian's hair while he was on his knees and the other hand was poised to strike the killing blow. I released him immediately and he slumped to the ground, blood leaking from four slashing claw marks through his Illyrian leathers. Whether I did it on my own or Rhysand commanded me to do so, I crouched before him, placed my trembling hand on his wounds and healed the deep, jagged gashes.

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered, his blood coating my hands to mingle with the blood of the others I'd killed in my rage. "I-I didn't know it was you."

"I know, High Lord," Cassian whispered roughly, fingers tracing along the tears in his leather. "In the future you need to remember High Lords do not apologize for their actions." Pushing to his feet, he took off running toward the burning manor to join Azriel.

A hand gripped hold of my upper arm, and pulled me up from my crouch. "Take your mate home and let us finish this battle," Rhysand said, nudging his head toward Brie slumped in a pool of blood bathed in the warm blue glow of Azriel's power. "When it is finished, I will send Azriel and Cassian to stay at the Spring Court until you are more – yourself."

"I killed her? I d-didn't –" Heart pounding painfully in my chest, I swallowed hard around the thick knot forming in my throat.

"What? No…but, you were not in control of your mind or body a few minutes ago…if that happens again you could easily harm her or someone else and that's what worries me," he boldly lied to me as if I couldn't see the claw marks shredded through Brie's soft velvety skin.

"Don't lie to me! She's dead, Rhysand! I killed her!" I looked to where Clarissa's failing army rallied around her to make a final stand, and let loose a low growl. "My mate is dead…I-I killed her."

"Go home, Tam," he said sounding almost sympathetic, and I felt his power pushing me to do as he commanded. "I can't focus on what needs to be done if I have to keep an eye on you."

"What about my child? Clarissa's carrying my child," I gritted out, fists clenching, and his eyes widened in surprise. "He's all I have left…."

"If Clarissa is pregnant, I promise I will keep her alive until the baby is born and then she will be executed," he vowed, glancing at Brie lifeless body torn apart by me. "I will tell her you need time to work through your – mental issues on your own."

My lower lip quivered, tears blurring my vision. Everyone believed I was a monster and I had proved them right when I had killed my mate in a blind rage. "I didn't mean to – I don't remember –"

The worn thin threads of my sanity snapped, the ends twisted in upon themselves, and I stood outside of myself looking down on Brie's lifeless body. The love she offered me – gone. The life we could have built together – shattered. There was nothing left for me – nothing but death. With that one thought crystal clear in my mind, I winnowed away before I hurt anyone else, leaving Brie behind once again. Home – I went to my burned out shell of a home. The Spring Court in full glorious bloom, vibrant flowers growing amidst the rumble. With a wave of my hand, the manor righted itself becoming a beautiful place to live once more, and after stepping inside I sealed the entire structure off from the outside world. Thick poisonous thorns and snaking vines wove a tight web to keep out intruders, and walking through the hallway leading to the dining room, I stopped short at the sight of Lucien sitting in his normal spot at the table.

"I'm going to bed, Lucien," I said, and he nodded, golden eye whizzing beneath his fox mask. "Tomorrow we'll have to send someone else out to cross the Wall to try to break the curse." I touched my fingers to my own golden mask and sighed. "Not Andras. I have other jobs for him to do…and whoever volunteers – tell them to stay out of the woods or they could be killed by a hunter." He looked at me, eye still whizzing, but no response. "Yes, I know it's a brutal necessity that someone needs to sacrifice their life to end this damn curse, but that's an order. Understood?" Nothing. No response at all other than the eye whizzing. "You're angry. I get that, but this silent treatment isn't going to change my mind. I'm not sacrificing you to end the curse. You're my emissary and more importantly my best friend. So don't bring it up again."

"Is this how you plan to do it?" he finally asked, shifting in his seat to face me fully.

"Do what?" I asked when he didn't elaborate on what he meant.

"Forget everything that's happened?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I shrugged. "I haven't forgotten that we're almost out of time and I still haven't found any human who would willingly fall in love with me. It's all I think about – that and the lives of all the good males I've sent to their deaths. I hate it, Lucien – I hate being at the mercy of time and that bitch Under the Mountain. I'm sending good friends out to die and it's tearing me apart inside."

"What about your mate, Tam?" He tugged on the fox mask as if it would somehow come off if he pulled on it hard enough. "You left her with Rhysand, remember?"

"I think you've been drinking too much wine," I chuckled to hide the terrible ache spreading through me. "We need to reinforce the shields at our borders again," I added to bring the conversation back to the problem at hand. "Amarantha's mercenaries have been breaking through with startling regularity. Only by the grace of the Cauldron has no one been seriously hurt yet. If that doesn't work, we'll need to move everyone from the villages to the manor grounds for their own safety."

"Amarantha is dead – you killed her," he said, getting up from his chair to close the distance between us. "You've lost touch with reality, Tamlin. It's understandable after everything –"

He winnowed away midsentence and I was glad he did. With the deadline of Amarantha's curse fast approaching, I didn't have time for his games. Forty-nine years wasted – forty-nine long years and I was no closer to finding someone to love me than the day she cursed me and my Court. Humans with their fickle hearts falling in and out of love without care or thought of those they hurt along the way – I would fail and my people would suffer for it.

"Alis," I called out, wondering where everyone was when most of the time someone was always underfoot. "Alis! Where are you?" Nothing but silence greeted the sound of my voice. Maybe she had gone to bed already along with every other servant living in the manor. Maybe it was later than I thought – the days all rushing by so quickly now that the time drew near to the end of our freedom, blending together in a blur of pain and regret. Bone-weary and brokenhearted, I trudged upstairs to my bedroom.

"Sleep well, High Lord," Alis called out from somewhere behind me as I opened the bedroom door, her voice strangely hollow, and when I turned to find her, I only saw shadows dancing along the walls.

"Goodnight, Alis," I whispered, shutting the door behind me.

XxXxXx

_Rhysand_

I shouldn't have let Tamlin go without cementing it into his mind that Brie wasn't dead. Yes, there was blood on her clothes and splattered across her face and arms, yet none of it was her blood. What caused his mind to finally snap, I couldn't say. One minute he was kissing her and holding her tight in his arms and the next he was shredding through Clarissa's army with his claws and fangs. I hadn't even realized that he wasn't in his right mind until he attacked Cassian. Neither did Cassian until it was too late, and my heart squeezed painfully in my chest when his claws tore through Cassian's Illyrian leathers, blood spilling from the wounds. It took every bit of power I had in me to break through the madness of his mind to stop him.

If Cassian had died – it was my fault. I should have stayed close to keep an eye on Tamlin instead of charging into the battle when I knew – I knew he was so close to having a mental breakdown. His split from reality had been so complete he couldn't see that Brie was alive and that scared me more than I cared to admit. I did terrible things while playing the part of Amarantha's whore Under the Mountain and endured terrible thing as well, and there were times – more times than I cared to admit when I feared I might go insane from all of it. If it hadn't been for Feyre I would have gone insane. If Tamlin believed she was dead...

Trapped and isolated from the people I cared about and my home in Velaris, I'd lost hope and not knowing if I'd ever see Cas, Azriel, Mor and Amren again I often wished for death. But in all that time, I usually played the aggressor to hide my true motives, doing Amarantha's bidding much in the same way as Clarissa's subjects did whatever she asked of them. Would I have done any differently than any of her soldiers if asked to torture Tamlin? No, I wouldn't have. Because – because in her queendom her power was as absolute as Amarantha's . Was I any different from them? I wanted to believe I was – I wanted to believe that my motives justified any causality I'd personally caused. I'd hated myself for what I had done, but was that enough punishment for the pain and suffering I'd caused?

I didn't have time to consider the answer to that question. Surrounded, the last of Clarissa's army threw down their weapons and lifted their hands above their heads. I counted twenty-seven males as I walked toward them, wings tucked tight behind my back. Even in the face of defeat they still pressed backward to protect their queen, closing in on her from all sides as she shouted at them to keep on fighting to their deaths.

"What are we going to do with them?" Azriel asked when I reached him, hazel eyes narrowed on our captives almost daring them to pick up their weapons.

"Some of them escaped into the woods," Cassian interjected, his eyes locked on the males in front of us, waiting for me to give the word to end their lives. "Do you want us to go after them?"

I held up a hand for him to wait as I passed judgment on the subjects of Clarissa's queendom. "Not one of you is innocent of crimes against the High Lord of the Spring Court – as a warning to all humans never to harm another Fae the punishment is death." I looked from one male to the next, slipping into their minds to crush them, and one by one their jaw slackened and they dropped to their knees before me. With little effort, I swept through their minds triggering their sense of pain to let them feel their brains being crushed, and watched them writhe on the ground screaming in agony until the last of them succumbed to death. "Go find the others while I deal with Clarissa," I said, feeling not even a flicker of remorse for the males crumpled on the ground surrounding Clarissa.

Azriel looked as if he might say something then shook his head and took to the air with Cassian while Amren and Mor raced off into the woods to track those who has escaped. My eyes tracked them until they disappeared from view then I looked to Clarissa, taking in the blood-stained bandage wrapped around her head covering her eye and thick bandages covering her hands and feet. Smudges of black soot littered her clothes, skin and face from the fire Lucien had set, and for a moment I seriously considered throwing her into the still raging inferno on the other side of the shield.

"Kill me and you will be murdering the High Lord's son," she finally spoke up, resting a hand protectively on her wide, round stomach. Tilting her chin defiantly, she added, "What is the punishment for that crime, High Lord?"

The baby – Tamlin's baby. A surprise that I hadn't expected, and the only reason I hadn't killed her when I snuffed out the lives of her army. "The sentence for your crimes against the High Lord of the Spring Court is death, Queen Clarissa, to be carried out once you have given birth to his son. Until that time comes you will remain my prisoner in the dungeons of the Court of Nightmares."

"I assure you that if you lock me in a dungeon you will be solely responsible for his child's death," she said, boldly meeting my gaze with her one good eye. "Wretched conditions such as those found in any dungeon would definitely bring about his death – not that I care what happens to the filthy half-blood Fae, but I know Tamlin does."

"She's lying," Brie said from behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to find her stalking toward us. "I've been in her dreams and there wasn't a single thought of a baby. Not one, Rhysand. There is no baby. It was just another way to hurt Tamlin."

"Are you certain, Brie?" I asked, wondering if I should enter Clarissa's mind to confirm Brie's accusation. Yet, even if it was a lie Tamlin believed it to be true, and in his fragile mental state the death of an imaginary child might push him so far over the edge he'd never recover.

"Why would I dream about a child I already despise for the blood flowing through its veins?" Clarissa snapped, glaring at Brie and then at me. "If you don't believe me then look into my mind, High Lord. You will see I am telling the truth about the cursed child."

"Sh-she's lying," Brie stammered, sounding less certain now that Clarissa asked me to enter her mind to ferret out the truth. "I know she's lying."

"She wouldn't have offered to prove she was pregnant if it wasn't true, Brie," I said after a lengthy pause. "She'll remain a prisoner of the Night Court until the baby is born. I wish it didn't have to be this way – I wish that he could be completely free from her, but under the circumstances it's the best I can do for now."

Clarissa smiled at Brie – smiled because she knew that Brie was Tamlin's mate and she still had a strong hold over him though their child. And I could see that she relished the idea of tearing them apart again and again until there was nothing left of either of them to hold on to. "If I am expected to carry this child to term knowing that I will die once it is born then its father will have to make daily visits to my – prison. If not, I will find a way to kill it myself. Is that understood, High Lord?"

"No!" Brie gritted out, tiny hands balling into tight fists. "She's done enough damage. I will not allow her to continue tormenting him! I won't!"

"Then the beast's child will die." Clarissa shrugged unconcernedly, touching her fingers to the bandage covering her eye. "He told me his mate did this to me – he lied about your name, but not about anything else. Do you think he ever thought of you while making love to me or any of the men he fucked." Her grin widened as her dig hit its mark, tears filling Brie's eyes. "My men enjoyed him thoroughly, and he –"

Brie moved around me with the blurring speed of a Fae, slapping Clarissa so hard across the face her head snapped to the side. But she wasn't finished – no, she'd just started. Her fists might've been small, but they packed a helluva punch. Screaming and crying for her to stop, Clarissa brought her hands up to try to fend off each blow, and I stood back and allowed it to happen. Blood spilled from her nose, mouth and leaked from beneath the bandage – and I spoke up encouraging her to keep going. It was no less than what Feyre would have done for me, and I wanted her to strike the killing blow – and then she did.

I don't even think she realized it – didn't notice Clarissa's body go limp after her fist connected hard with Clarissa's throat crushing her windpipe. I heard bones crunch and click together, and witnessed the sudden stark terror in her muddy brown eyes when she knew – she knew she was dying. Brie just kept on punching her, pulverizing her face, pouring all of her anger and heartbreak into each and every blow. Finally, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around Brie, holding her tightly as she trembled and wept uncontrollably.

"She wasn't carrying his child," I whispered hoarsely in her ear. "She was lying – do you understand? The truth is a secret you and I will take to our graves. She confessed that it was a lie meant to trap Tamlin into staying with her and she was put to death along with her army. Repeat that, Brie."

"Sh-she confessed it was a lie," she cried, knees buckling and if I hadn't been holding onto her she would've crumbled to the ground. "I-I killed her, Rhys…I did – I killed her and murdered my mate's child."

"No, you didn't." But the truth was that she did and I stood by and let it happen – hoped it would happen, and I'd been goading and instructing her on where to strike Clarissa. It wasn't Clarissa I saw in those moments – it was Amarantha. The two of them had become tangled up and inseparable in my mind, and just like Tamlin I couldn't do anything to escape from Amarantha…couldn't free myself from her on my own. They both deserved to die exactly the way they did, and I refused to feel bad about my part in their deaths. But – but the child was innocent. Even with his mind fracturing, Tamlin realized his child was innocent and deserved to live, and we had taken the baby from him. "I'm going to have my personal healers examine her body to determine if she was really pregnant and when they're finished I'll bury the body where no one can find it."

If she was found to be pregnant during the examination, I would tell Brie another lie to add to the list of wrongs I'd committed that would haunt me for the rest of my days. My stomach revolted, hot bile rising swiftly in my throat, I swallowed it down. There was still work to be done – more deaths to add to the carnage of this dark day. Clarissa's body along with the makeshift gurney vanished into the spaces between where things were kept until needed.

"I'm taking you home to Velaris," I uttered, trembling as she trembled, and then suddenly she pushed away from me, doubled over and threw up on the soggy ground. "Pull yourself together, Brie!" The order came out harsher than I'd intended, but it was an order I needed to follow as well or someone would find out that I'd helped murder the High Lord's unborn child. There were strict laws and rules regarding unborn Fae children as they were rare and precious, and I'd disregarded them to see Clarissa dead – to see Amarantha dead. "No one can ever know about this – not anyone, Brie. Do you understand? We both would be put to death for murdering a High Fae child…if she was truly pregnant. If I could I would wipe your mind clean of this whole damn mess, but I can't so I need you to pull yourself together for both our sakes."

Fat tears rolling unchecked down her cheeks, she gave a curt nod. Wasting no more time, time in which the others might return and with one look at her Azriel would figure out what happened, I scooped her up into my arms and winnowed home to the townhouse. I left her in one of the bedrooms down the hall from her sister's room, and winnowed away without a word. I needed to return to the battlegrounds, but first I stopped at the home of my most trusted healer to drop off Clarissa's body for examination. He didn't ask questions when I asked him to perform a pregnancy test on her and I didn't offer an explanation. With the promise of an answer by nightfall, I returned to the outskirts of the manor to wait for the Inner Circle to return. The rest of the day went by in a blur of fragmented moments all leading up to the moment I returned to the healer's home to find out if Clarissa had lied about being pregnant. I didn't look at her naked body stretched out on the examination table as Wren ushered me into the den and took a seat behind his desk. He motioned for me to take a seat, but I refused, folding my arms across my chest to hide my trembling hands.

"Was she pregnant?" I said, breaking the uneasy silence, and cringed at the high-pitched tone of my voice.

"I hate to have to ask why you are concerning yourself with the pregnancy of a human woman, High Lord." He paused and cleared his throat once – twice, and my stomach dropped. "Does the High Lady know about this female?"

"S-so you're saying she was pregnant?" I stammered heart racing and I felt Feyre tug on our mental bond. I shut her out, slamming down my mental shields to keep her from feeling my rising panic.

He nodded. "I am sorry for your loss…." Looking up at me, he held my gaze. "I am bound by my oath to keep your secrets, High Lord. Your indiscretion will go no further than this room."

"Are you certain the child is – mine?" Better that he believed it was my child than Tamlin's. His oath wouldn't keep him from having to explain to the other Courts that I'd brought a dead human to him to determine if she was pregnant. "Could it have been a fully human child?"

"I would have to run more tests." His warm brown eyes were sympathetic when he added, "It is not my place to pry, but are you unhappy with your mate?"

"No – no! Why would you even ask that?" Oh, right – because I supposedly impregnated the hideous pockmarked queen. "As you know Feyre has been very ill and I needed – comfort. I was – drunk while away on business and thought she was…attractive – I was wrong. You can understand why I hope the child was human as Fae children are so very rare and precious that its death would be devastating for all concerned even though its mother worked in a brothel."

"Such nasty business those human brothels." He sighed and shook his head. "Did you find the male who did this to her?"

"Yes, and I did worse to him than he did to her." I nudged my head toward the door. "I'll leave you to your work. Send word to me as soon as you have a conclusive answer as to whether it was a human child or not."

With his assurances that he'd know for certain within the next few days, I went home to Feyre. I found her pacing the floor in our bedroom, and seeing me she flew across the room and threw herself into my arms. The others I could lie to – with Feyre it would be far more difficult. My mate – the female I loved with every breath I drew into my lungs. She pulled back slightly and looked me over, searching for any injuries.

"I felt you dying," she whispered, tears shimmering in her blue-gray eyes. "What happened?"

"Ash arrows tipped with concentrated Bloodbane," I answered, thankful that I could be truthful about this one small part of the day's events. "Lucien saved me and Amren. I don't know what was in the antidote that he had Brie give us, but it was powerful enough to cure both poisons."

"Lucien saved you?" I nodded. "And Amren?" I nodded again. Taking hold of my hand, she led me to the bed. "Tell me everything," she said, and I did. No matter how bad it was, I would never lie to her and together we vowed to face whatever fallout came from Tamlin's son's death together.


	39. Chapter 39

**Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who have taken the time to share their thoughts with me :)**

Chapter Thirty Nine

_Lucien_

I didn't waste any time returning to Velaris once the collar around Tamlin's throat turned to dust and he and Brie were awake. The ancient, gravelly voice whispered through my mind the answer to my prayers, and I prayed all the harder that I hadn't conjured the voice out of desperation. Raw power coursed through my body searching for a home – a place to settle, and I would give that power a home in Lilianna. Higher Powers be damned. They wouldn't steal her second chance at life from her. She'd live on and on, always at my side – always in my heart. Nothing would ever keep us apart again. Not even the mate bond I shared with Elian.

Or at least that's what I hoped. Maybe with her life restored she'd find another male and fall in love with him. Perhaps the Fire Breather who she'd found so irresistible she would have made love to him the first night they met if I hadn't stopped her. It would kill me if she did return to the human lands beyond the Wall to find love amongst her own kind, but I promised myself I'd let her go if that was what she wanted. We'd always be friends, I told myself as I knocked impatiently at the front door of the townhouse. Just friends – I'd given up on my mate for friendship with a woman I was hopelessly in love with, and now there was no going back. I'd already confessed my feelings for Lilianna to Elian and in turn she told me that she loved Azriel.

Lost in my troubled thoughts, I didn't even see who opened the door, walking to the stairs leading upstairs without a backward glance. Honing in on the faint sound of Lilianna's faltering heartbeat I strode down the hallway in long determined strides, and pushed open the bedroom door without knocking. I stopped short at the sight of Elian sitting beside the bed reading a book to Lilianna as she lay unconscious in bed. Elian glanced up at me, and understanding dawned in her eyes. Setting the book down on the bedside table, she hurried to her feet, rushed over to me, and hugged me – hugged me because she knew that the woman I loved was so close to death a warm golden death halo surrounded her.

"She waited for you," Elian whispered in my ear, and I felt the dampness of her tears against my cheek. "They came to take her – I felt it, Lucien, but she fought to stay a little longer. She loves you so much…."

"No, she doesn't," I whispered hoarsely, pulling away from her to shake my head. "Thank you for staying with her." My shoulders caved inward, but I pushed them back, and drew in a deep breath. "I'll never forget the kindness you've shown me in the past few days."

"Perhaps the mate bond we share was always intended to be a deep and profound friendship," she said, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Would that be so bad – to be friends? I don't think it would be."

"I don't think it would be either." A faint smile pulling at my lips, I leaned in to lightly kiss her on the cheek.

"I'm going to go." She bobbed her head toward the bed. "Give her a reason to keep fighting to live, Lucien. She needs to know how you feel…."

"I'll try," I promised, swallowing hard as I watched her leave, shutting the door behind her. I stood staring at the door a long moment fighting the urge to run away again. If it didn't work – if I tried to transfer the power Rhysand had bestowed upon me to her and it failed….My hand came to rest on the hilt of the knife sheathed at my side. It would be so easy to end my life the second her last heartbeat slipped away. With no one here to stop me, I could slice so deep through my arteries that death would be quick and I would be with her always.

My heartbeat thundering in my ears, I turned away from the door and trudged to the bed to sit beside Lilianna. My eyes narrowed on the weak pulse in her throat as I brushed the hair out of her closed eyes. "I'm a jerk, Lili," I began in a hoarse whisper, chest constricting painfully. "I left because I was afraid to watch you die – I can't watch you die." Vision blurring, tears rolled down my cheeks. "I found a way to save you, but if it doesn't work – if I can't be with you in this life I'll follow you to whatever comes next. I'll always follow you, Lili."

Nothing. No sign that she'd heard me. Her blue-tinged lips remained sealed shut, and I felt the death halo pulsing and pushing in on us trying to claim her life. Summoning all the power I'd received from Rhysand, I cleared my throat to say, "I give to you the power of the ancients, Lilianna. What was mine, I give to you freely so you may live for many years to come. I bestow upon you the power to be Made immortal…."

Power flowed through me to her, binding us together with golden strands pulling tighter and tighter until I couldn't fathom where I ended and she began. My breath staggered in my throat, the threads of life and death pulling so taut I could see the brilliant light of the Beyond she spoke of and the darkness of the Other place she feared. Still the vast power flowed through me to her, and I caught hold of her hand, squeezing it tight fearing if I let go I'd lose her forever.

And then it happened.

Something shifted inside of me, and the mate bond snapped into place between us. My heart beat painfully, frantically hard in my chest. The woman I'd fallen hopelessly in love with was my mate – I had chosen right all along.

My mate.

The tenuous strands between us broke, sending showers of vibrant light in every hue imaginable to devour the death halo. Color seeped into her pale lifeless skin turning to the healthy glow of a High Fae, and I held my breath as her eyelids fluttered open.

"Lili…." I breathed, in awe of the beautiful woman who was my mate. Pulling her into my arms, I hugged her, my smile widening until my cheeks hurt. "It worked, Lili. I saved you. You said it couldn't be done, but I did it."

She pulled back and held my gaze then studied my face as if she didn't recognize me. "How?" she rasped, sounding disappointed instead of relieved. "How did you do it, Lucien?"

"It's a long story, but the short version is that I turned you into a High Fae like me," I explained, my gaze trailing to her full lips. "You're my mate, Lili." I grinned, couldn't help it. "The mate bond snapped into place when I saved you…you're my mate."

"Yes, I know I'm your mate, you idiot," she huffed, pulling further away from me, and her lips dipped into a deep frown. "I've known it since the day we met all those months ago at the Wall. You had the power to save me all along by just telling me you loved me, but you never did. Not even when I was dying. The Suriel told you to tell me how you felt – everyone did…you didn't. Hell, even Elian told you to tell me how you felt. Why couldn't you just say it?"

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, and my brain reeled for something to say. "You have to understand, Lili, I thought Elian was my mate. The bond between mates is –"

"Yes, you've reminded me about the unbreakable bond between mates ad nauseam," she cut in, anger sparking in her honey-golden eyes. "I flat out told you the Cauldron had been used for evil purposes and the mate bond between you and Elian was the byproduct of that evil. I told you, Lucien. I did everything I could to make you see that I was your mate – I threw myself at you, and after we made love all you could say was that you were going home to start your life with Elian. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me? Then you just dropped me off at your townhouse and disappeared to go to your _mate_."

"If you had known all along, you should've told me," I growled, my own anger igniting. "You have no idea how hard it's been for me. Wanting you, chasing after you, sleeping with you – the massive guilt I felt for betraying the woman I thought was my mate. You should have told me!"

"I couldn't tell you," she snapped, scrambling to her feet to get as far away from me as she could. "You had to figure it out for yourself – I couldn't say anything just like you couldn't say anything to Feyre about Amarantha's curse. If I did, my one chance at a second life would've ripped away from me."

"But you did know and you kissed the Fire Breather right in front of me – worse still you were going to go back to his tent and fuck him if I hadn't stopped you!" I stayed where I sat on the bed, not budging an inch. Under the circumstances I'd done the best I could, going so far as to tell Elian that I was in love with Lilianna when I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life alone after she died. "You practically begged me to let you go with him to his tent – do you remember that, Lilianna? I sat there watching you dance with him for five songs – five songs was all it took for you decide to bed him, and you told me you hated me for stopping you from going with him. So if anyone has a right to be angry it's me. I haven't so much as looked at another woman since I met you – more importantly I haven't wanted another woman since you came into my life."

"I wanted you to be jealous enough to stop me. I wanted you to say you didn't care about the mate bond with Elian or about me dying – I wanted you to say that you loved me," she said, defending her actions when they were indefensible. "You didn't…you still haven't."

"And I'm not going to," I said, too furious at the moment to say what was in my heart to tell her. My body trembled with unleashed anger. Her Higher Beings had played me for a fool and so had she. A lovesick fool, manipulated at every turn by her as if my feelings didn't matter. "Did Azriel know the truth? Of course he knew – all those little outings with him – all those private conversations. Did you fuck him so he would keep your secret, Lili?"

"Leave. Now," she gritted out, pointing a willowy finger at the door as her face flushed. Her singular heart beat strong and fast, healthy because I had saved her. "And don't come back. We are finished as friends and lovers along with anything else you might have hoped for."

"I'm not going anywhere until you answer my question. Did you sleep with him? He already saw every inch of your naked body at the Starlight Pool – it wouldn't have taken much to convince him to bed you."

Her full lips pressed into a thin line, golden-brown eyes sparkling with fury – then she vanished, winnowed away with the dark ancient power I'd bestowed upon her. I'd struck a nerve, and a deep, terrible ache spread through me from the knowledge that she had slept with him. I shared my hopes and dreams with her, shared the history of my life with her, told her everything I'd kept secret from even my closest friends, and it had all been a game to her. A game she failed to win and I'd be damned if she'd ever heard those three little words slip past my lips.

I left the town house and winnowed to my own residence to pack up my meager belongings to bring with me to the Spring Court. There was nothing left for me in Velaris – nothing to keep me from going home. I snatched up the towel Lilianna had left on my bed and ripped it to shreds then set it on fire in the fireplace. Then after scrawling a quick note to Feyre to say that I wouldn't be returning to Velaris and to sell the town house, I winnowed to the Spring Court.

I expected to find the charred remains, but instead I cringed at the sight of the freshly restored manor surrounded by thick thorny vines, woven so tightly together I couldn't find a clear path through them. There was no way in – no way out, but with the use of my mechanical eye I detected Tamlin inside the manor. Alone. Brie hadn't returned with him.

I tried to winnow inside the manor, spent hours trying everything I could think of to get inside, but whatever magic he infused into the shields and thorny vines held firm barring entrance to anyone. _Brie died, _the heartbreaking thought whispered through my mind. I didn't want to believe it, yet the proof stood before me in the form of living, breathing deadly vines. I wished he had waited for me – wished he'd locked me in with him. What a pair we would make – both of us heartbroken and shattered males without even a glimmer of hope of finding happiness ever again.

The things I'd said to Lilianna I could never take back, and from the look in her eyes it was clear she would never forgive or forget the argument we had. The highs and utterly desperate lows of my emotions had gotten the better of me, and it hadn't mattered at the time that she said she'd lose her life if she told me the truth. She'd told me to leave and never come back, and she meant it. How could she not when I practically called her a whore and accused her of bartering away her body to Azriel to keep her secrets? I'd carelessly thrown away my one chance to be with my mate when all I would have had to do was tell her I loved her and we would be together right now.

None of that mattered though, not with her sister's death and the heartbreak it would bring. Even if she didn't want me anywhere near her, I'd stick by her through her grief, consoling her if she'd allow it. I left my bags at one of the vacant homes in the village then winnowed to the House of Wind to find her. Skirting by the dining hall, I made my way to the bedroom she'd been staying in as a guest of the Night Court, and heard hushed voices coming from beyond the partially closed door.

"He actually said that to you?" Azriel said, and I imagined his muscular arms wrapped around her in a tender embrace. "I'll kill him."

"That's not necessary," Lilianna whispered. "Can I trust that you'll keep where I'm going to yourself?"

"I don't like it, little one. Not one bit. You have no idea how to use the power you've inherited from Rhysand's ancestors – it's dark and dangerous magic…if you cannot be persuaded to give up this quest, I will go with you as your adviser and bodyguard."

"I can't ask that of you, Az." She sighed. "I'll send word once I've settle in to let you know I'm okay."

"What about your sister?" he asked, and my brow furrowed in confusion. He had to know she'd died. "She's devastated, naturally. I don't know what I'd do if my mate had a complete mental break from reality." I clamped my hand over my mouth to cover my sharp intake of air. Tamlin had lost touch with reality and there was no way to get to him to snap him out of it. "She's locked herself in the bedroom at the townhouse and refuses to answer the door. She needs you, Lili. No one knows her like you do. If you leave now –"

"My work for the Higher Beings isn't close to being finished," she cut in. "If Lucien had – it doesn't matter. This is the future that was chosen for me and I've accepted it."

"What if he –" His voice trailed off abruptly to a low growl. "Winnowing away when you don't want to consider other possibilities is childish, Lilianna," he called out to her, not that she heard him. She'd left and I had no idea where to find her. Azriel did though and no matter what it took, I would get him to divulge her secrets. I pushed open the door, and strode into the bedroom. "I take it you heard enough to know she's gone for good," he said with his back to me. "My shadows pushed open the door so you could hear the conversation."

"Where was she going, Shadowsinger?" I said, circling to face him. "She's my mate and that gives me the right to know where she went."

"When you bestowed the power of Rhysand's ancestors upon her, it angered the Higher Beings. You outmaneuvered them, and they don't take kindly to anyone outsmarting them. So they decided in their grand wisdom to put a fork in the path of her life. If you had told her you loved her as their deal with her specified, she would have stayed in Prythian for the rest of her days – you didn't, leaving her to follow the only path left for her to take. I am sorry, Lucien."

"You're not going to tell me where she's gone to?" He shook his head, keeping his promise to her. "You know I love her, Azriel. I've been in love with her almost since the day we met…if I can't be with her – tell me where she went."

A low growl rumbled in his throat. "I hate breaking my word, but because I know you do love her, I'll give you one piece of information as to where your mate has gone. She plans to cross the Wall to live amongst the humans."

"She's High Fae – they'll kill her!" I snapped, my chest constricting painfully. "You should have stopped her!"

"She is a High Fae with the power of multiple High Lords, Lucien. I could no more stop her than you could," he pointed out, shadows seeping in and out of his skin. "You should have considered holding back some of the power you bestowed upon her. The utter darkness within the massive power she now possesses could easily entice a female with a broken heart. If you do find her, you'll need to convince her to release some of that power back into the earth before it consumes her."

"You don't know her at all if you honestly think she could be swayed by dark powers, Azriel."

I winnowed away before he could respond and reappeared moments later at the Wall. As a fledgling Fae it would take her time to master the ability to winnow great distances without stops and starts. Or at least that's what I hoped. If the same gravelly voice that spoke through my mind also spoke to her, guiding her in her use of her new powers, I would lose my one chance to make amends for the fight we had. I might never find her again if she crossed into the mortal lands. She'd have to stop at the Wall – she had to. The shields Tamlin and the other Courts placed on the Wall would force her to stop to find a way through.

I paced back and forth, waiting and watching for her, mind racing with thoughts of losing her. What if Azriel was right? I'd only possessed the power for a short amount of time, and it still felt as left it a stain on my soul. And I had broken her heart when I refused to tell her I loved her. I could see it in her eyes, and feel it through the mate bond we shared. If I never got the chance to see her again it would be my own fault. I couldn't blame the Fire Breather or Azriel or anyone else.

It felt like hours and days passed before she finally winnowed into view, and I breathed a thankful sigh of relief. Dressed in a lavender dress I'd seen Elian wear once, too tight in the bodice causing her breasts to heave, sent all other thoughts scattering on the wind. Her golden-brown fell in loose windswept curls, wispy tendrils gently blowing across her exquisite face. She was the most beautiful female I'd ever seen in all my long years, and she was mine. My mate. I blocked her path to the Wall, moving to stand in her path every time she tried to skirt around me.

"Get out of my way, Lucien," she said, holding my gaze for a moment before she tried to slip past me, to no avail. A low growl rumbled in her throat and I chuckled. "I said get out of my way."

"Not until you tell me where you are going," I said with a shake of my head. "I have nowhere else I need to be at the moment which means we can do this dance all night long if you're feeling particularly obstinate."

"Okay." Lips pursed, she waved a hand at the Wall. "You see the Wall?" I glanced behind me at the barrier between the mortal and Fae realms, looked back at her and nodded. "Well, I'm going to go over the Wall to the other side. There, you know where I'm going. So now that we've settled that, get out of my way."

"I changed my mind." Folding my arms across my chest, I shook my head. "I'm not going to move aside and let you go. I'll guard the Wall for the rest of my days to keep you from leaving Prythian – to keep you from leaving me behind, Lili."

"I have to go, Lucien," she said, letting loose a heavy breath. "I don't blame you. If given the choice between me and Elian, I would've chosen her, too, if I were you. As you said, I am obstinate and too wild and bold to be the perfect woman for any man."

"What if I prefer wild and bold, not to mention stubborn?" I said, lifting a brow. "What if I don't want to become complacent with a life of tending gardens and attending plays in the park? What if I think the perfect female for me is a woman who strips naked to swim in the Starlight Pool, and who also plans and schemes better than any male I know?"

"What are you saying, Lucien?" she whispered, tearing shimmering in her eyes.

"I'm saying that I love you," I murmured huskily, closing the gap between us to pull her into my arms. "I'm saying that I've been in love with you since the day we went swimming in the lake and you threw dead fish at me. I'm saying that even if I had mate and you were dying, I would still rather be with you than anyone else…I'm saying that I would rather die to be with you than to live in a world where you aren't a part of it…I'm in love with you, Lili…."

A shaky, watery smile graced her face. "I love you, Lucien." She tilted her head to look beyond me to the Wall then her eyes returned to me. "Would you still love me and follow me if I told you that the Higher Beings plan to make me the new queen of Clarissa's queendom?"

"Queen Lilianna?" I swallowed hard, knowing and fearing the constant struggles she would face as a Fae queen ruling over human subjects. The other four remaining queens would despise her and so would her subjects. They would do everything within their power to end her reign including murdering her. "What about the Spring Court and your sister? Tamlin is in bad shape. He's locked himself up inside the manor, shutting himself off from everyone. Brie's going to need you now more than ever before – you can't leave her, Lili. She'll be lost without you."

"If I stay until he is better, would you travel to the mortal lands with me?"

"You've done enough for the Higher Beings – you've sacrificed everything to be their willing little puppet." I shook my head emphatically. "No, we won't be traveling beyond the Wall to live the lives they've chosen for us. It's time for them to let you go so we can start our lives together. You're my mate and I am yours, and I'll be damned if I let them dictate where we have to go and what we have to do to please them."

"They'll be angry that we've –"

"Let them be angry," I cut in, tracing light circles across her back to soothe her. "I'm angry that they've toyed with us and thought nothing of trying to end your life after everything you did for them. We're going to build a home in the Spring Court near the Starlight Pool, and we're going to travel, and someday we'll have children who'll grow up playing with Tamlin and Brie's children. That's the future I see for us, and no Higher Power is going to stand in the way of our happiness."

A frown creased her forehead and pulled at her lips . "Children?"

"Yes, I was thinking that we'd have at least four children, but I'd go as high as ten."

"Ten – children?"

"Do you think we should have more than that?"

Her lower lip quivered, tears rolling down her suddenly pale cheeks. "You never said you wanted children – in all our conversations, you never said that. Why would you say it now, Lucien? Why?"

"We don't have to start trying to have a baby right away. Lili. We'll do all the things we want to do first – we'll travel throughout Prythian so I can show you all the beauty it possesses then we'll go to the mortal lands to discover its natural wonders together. But if the Cauldron blessed us with a child before we had a chance to do any of that, I would be thrilled beyond words." She stiffened in my arms, and I pulled back slightly to look her in the eye. "You don't want children?"

"I – don't want children," she whispered, more tears spilling down her cheeks as she looked to the Wall once more. "I wish – it doesn't matter what I wish for…I can't give you the children you want to have. I-I'm sorry, Lucien."

It felt as if I'd just been punched in the gut repeatedly, but I smiled tenderly at her, grazing my fingers along her damp cheek. "Maybe someday you'll change your mind, but even if you don't I will still love you to the end of my days."

"We'll never have children," she reiterated, twisting the knife into my chest a little deeper. "All the rest of it – every dream you wish to see fulfilled we can do, but there will never be any children in our lives."

"I get it. You. Don't. Want. Kids," I uttered, stressing each word as a deep and terrible ache spread through me. When I reached an age where such things started to matter, I secretly began to covet the idea of having a large family, wanting to give each of my children a better life than the one I'd had growing up. I would've cherished every single one of them instead of pitting them against each other as my father had done to me and my brothers. I would have done everything differently than my father had done, and my children would have loved me instead of fearing me. Not that any of that mattered since she made it clear she would never have children with me. "We should get going. Your sister is probably frantic with worry and won't believe you are okay until she sees you with her own eyes."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as if an apology could lessen the pain I felt deep in my bones. "I really am sorry, Lucien."

"No need to apologize." I shrugged as if I didn't care that she had just broken my heart. "I have you in my life – what more could any male wish for?" I didn't wait for a response, winnowing us back to Rhysand's town house in Velaris to drop her off at the guest bedroom where her sister was staying. She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off with a quick brush of my lips against her cheek. "I'm going to the Spring Court. I'll be back in a few days." Again her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but I vanished before she could rip my heart out with more apologies.


	40. Chapter 40

**Thanks for reading, and a special thanks to those who have shared their thoughts with me. :)**

Chapter Forty

_Rhysand_

The note Wren promised to send arrived two days after the battle along with letters from the four mortal queens. They wrote of a new queen – one that would be favorable to both Fae and humans, one that would bring about lasting peace between our two lands, and asked to meet with me the following day at the chateau where we'd met before the war with Hybern. It was a request I couldn't refuse, not when I'd spent the last two days worrying that the alliance we had forged with them would be broken forever due to the battle we'd won.

It was good news, and yet I couldn't find it within myself to feel anything other than a sick ache in the pit of my stomach. Azriel and Cassian had spent the past two days monitoring the situation at the Spring Court, and the reports they shared with the Inner Circle painted a bleak picture of Tamlin's mental state. Every hour the poisonous thorny vines surrounding the manor grew in size, spreading outward to choke off the life of anything in their path. Azriel's shadows seeped through the deadly labyrinth, and it was through his connection with them, we learned that Tamlin's mind brought him back to a time when Amarantha was still alive and he spent his days talking to people who weren't real, planning how to end a curse that had already been broken.

None of this we shared with Brie. If she knew that he'd completely erased her from his mind, it would crush her. Not that anyone had seen her since I brought her back to the townhouse. She wouldn't even open the door for Lilianna, and that set me on edge. In her grief and heartache, she could easily snap and begin using her dream weaving abilities to harm others the way her mother did.

Those thoughts weighed heavily on me as I winnowed to Wren's home to find out if the baby was truly Tamlin's or if Clarissa had slept with a human and conceived a child with him. Thankfully, Wren had disposed of the body before I arrived, and with a faint smile he ushered me into his office. Again, I chose to stand while he took a seat behind his desk, and watched him shuffle through the pile of reports on his desk.

"Do you happen to know if she was trying to conceive a child when you slept with her?" he asked, opening one of the folders to study the pages within.

"Yes, she was," I said, clearing my throat before I continued. "Was the baby – mine?"

"As I told you the other day, I ran more extensive tests to determine if the child she carried was half Fae or fully human," he began, and my knees went weak and rubbery when he paused to draw in a deep breath. "She was not pregnant, Rhysand."

"But you said –"

"It was a false positive on the pregnancy test. When I dissected –" He waved a hand and shook his head. "I'm sure you don't want to hear the details of the autopsy, but I am certain she wasn't pregnant. With your confirmation that she was in fact trying to have a child, it leads me to the conclusion that the herbs and human potions I found traces of in her stomach, were given to her to help her conceive a baby. Those toxic herbs and potions resulted in blood or protein in the urine I extracted from her bladder to test. It's sad to say, but if she had kept taking them, she wouldn't have lived much longer."

"You're certain she wasn't pregnant?" He nodded and I let loose a heavy breath. I couldn't bring myself to feel bad that her own healers were poisoning her. They had to know what they were doing, and they would have gotten away with it if we hadn't killed Clarissa. Smart and clever, theses humans were who smiled and doted on her while feeding her poison. It gave me hope that not all humans hated Fae as much as I feared they did. "Can I have that report?"

"Of course, High Lord," he said, closing the folder to hand it to me. "Again, I am sorry for your loss."

"No need to feel sorry – I hated her every bit as much as the healers who were poisoning her. If I knew their names, I would pay them for their efforts."

He didn't question the venom in my tone or the hatred surely reflected in my eyes. "Then I am glad I could ease your suffering over the thought of losing the child you thought was yours."

"Thank you, Wren." I winnowed home and headed straight upstairs to Brie's room, and when she didn't answer, I winnowed into the bedroom. "She wasn't pregnant," I said, taking in her sickly pallor and red-rimmed eyes. Nothing. No response. She just sat in the middle of the bed with her arms hugging one of the pillows as she stared unseeing at the wall. "Did you hear me, Brie? I said you didn't kill Tamlin's child. It turned out that her healers were poisoning her. They must have told her she was pregnant to cover for any sickness she was feeling."

"Don't lie to me, Rhys," she rasped, swallowing hard. "I won't tell anyone what happened – I won't get you in trouble, but I need you be truthful with me."

"I am telling you the truth." I crossed the room and handed her the autopsy report. "If you don't believe me, read it for yourself. Her personal healers were poisoning her with toxic levels of some kind of herbs and potions that even fooled the best healer in Velaris into believing she was pregnant until he did a complete autopsy on her."

Eyeing me a long moment, she opened up the folder and carefully read through Wren's findings. I opened my mouth to speak when I thought she finished, but she held up a hand, and flipped through the pages once more. "She was dying?"

"Yes." I nodded. "In all likelihood they would have continued feeding her poison in some other form until she died, perhaps calling it vitamins to ensure the half-Fae child survived until birth."

"Do you think Tamlin will believe this proof that she wasn't carrying his child?" she said, doubt clear in her tone and expression. "You heard him, Rhys. He begged you to save his son. A piece of paper won't convince him otherwise. We need to find the healers who poisoned her and have them confess their crimes."

"I will send Mor and Amren to find them." I took a seat on the bed, shifting slightly to face her. "Tamlin has lost touch with reality – the break in reality somehow wiped his mind clean of everything that has happened in the past few months, and he is living under the assumption that Amarantha is still alive."

Her strange blue eyes turned glassy. "He doesn't remember me?"

"No, he doesn't…if it's any consolation, he doesn't remember Feyre either. Though, how anyone could forget her is beyond me. She's incredible…she's –"

"If you are trying to make me feel better, you're failing miserably," she said flatly, and pushing aside the pillow, she got out of bed to pace. "Maybe it is better that he doesn't remember everything that happened. What if we could start over without the shadows of everything Clarissa did to him haunting us for the rest of our days?"

"His memories could flood back into his mind at any given time," I pointed out, understanding her fears, but putting myself in Tamlin's position, I would want to know the truth – all of it. The good and the bad. "No, Brie. He needs to work through what she and her men did to him. If not, the life you live together will always be a lie."

"You saw what they did to him – do you honestly believe he can recover from it to be the man he once was again?"

"Admittedly, I considered removing the memories from his mind. However, I think he is stronger than any of us gave him credit for being. He's lost right now, but if we don't give him a chance to deal with this trauma – if we do anything to destroy those memories for good, there will always be a gaping hole in his life that he can't account for and it will drive him mad trying to remember." I stood and walked to her, placing myself in her path, and rested a hand on her shoulder. "You need to eat and regain your strength for the battles that lay in front of us. It will be difficult, there's no denying that this will be one of the most difficult things you'll ever have to face, but your love for him will guide him back to you."

"I'm afraid, Rhys," she admitted, swallowing hard. "What if the love I feel for him isn't enough to save him?"

"It is," I assured her with a gentle smile. "There is nothing stronger than the bond between mates. He will find his way back to you, and together you will learn how to move on from the past to live a long and happy life. It will take time, but it will happen. I promise you it will."

XxXxXx

_Azriel_

"Did he believe the report you gave him?" I said the moment the door closed behind me, studying Wren's face a long moment for any sign that he might have failed to do as I asked of him. "Did he?" I prompted when he didn't answer right away, leaving me to worry that Wren told him everything.

"Yes, he believed the report I gave him, Shadowsinger," he said, heaving a weary sigh as his warm brown eyes traveled to the examination table where Clarissa's body had been until I removed it. "If he ever learns the truth of what we've done…."

"He won't," I promised, trusting in the knowledge that no one would ever find her body as I'd burned it to ashes and threw the remains in the ocean. "As long as you keep your mouth shut no one will ever find out she was pregnant with Tamlin's child. If this information were ever made public, Velaris would crumble, and all Rhysand has done to protect it will be for nothing. He has protected us more times than I can count and now it is time we return the favor."

"I will take this secret to my grave," he whispered, looking decidedly ill and with good reason. If Rhysand ever thought for a second that Wren lied to him – if he found out I had convinced the healer to falsify the autopsy report, we would both suffer dearly for it. The trust Rhysand placed in both of us would be shattered beyond repair and we could easily be exiled from Velaris forever. Nonetheless, we both agreed that Rhysand shouldn't have to carry the guilt of doing what was necessary to end the life of the female who'd tortured Tamlin for months. He'd suffered enough at the hand of Amarantha, and that made my decision easy. "No one saw you come here, did they?" I lifted a brow. "No, of course they didn't. I don't know why I asked that question."

"I think it might be for the best if went to stay with your sister in the country for a while. I don't doubt you want to keep this secret between us, but it'll be hard to do in the beginning especially if you are tending to Feyre during her pregnancy. The less you see of Rhysand, the better it will be for the both of us."

"If I leave now he might suspect that the report was falsified," he pointed out, his gaze once again straying to the examination table. "No, I have to stay until the baby is born and then I will retire to the country."

"All right," I said after a lengthy pause, knowing I had no other choice but to trust him. "You did the right thing, Wren, and I am indebted to you. If you should ever need anything, you need only ask and I will be there to help you."

"That's not necessary, Shadowsinger. I serve the High Lord and sometimes that means keeping secrets to protect him." He waved a hand at the door, dismissing me. "For both our sakes, do not show up at my door again."

I left him and returned to the House of Wind to speak to Lilianna. She'd been staying in my bedroom since Lucien dropped her off and returned to the Spring Court. It had been two days, and she still hadn't heard a word from him. She endured his distance with a level of grace and dignity befitting the queen she was destined to be, deepening my respect and admiration for her.

The moment she saw me, she set the book she was reading aside, and looked up at me expectantly. "Will he keep our secret?"

"I believe he will," I said, taking a seat beside her on the bed, my wings tucked tight behind my back. "If you hadn't told me what the two of them did – it's my job to protect Rhys and Feyre from any and all threats, but without your warning I would've failed leaving Rhys open for attack from the other Courts. I've long since accepted the fact that you are an extraordinary seer with abilities far beyond my own, and yet I still find myself in awe of you."

"Did you see Lucien today when you were at the Spring Court?" she said to shift the focus of my attention off my inability to see the danger Rhysand had placed himself in. "The Higher Beings are being spiteful, blurring my vision of him since we chose not to travel beyond the Wall."

"Don't you mean that he chose not to travel beyond the Wall?"

"It's not his fault, Az." She rested a hand on her stomach, a reminder of the disagreement they had before he dropped her off outside Brie's bedroom door. "He's angry and with good reason. He feels as if he's been manipulated by the Higher Beings and me – I will stay Prythian if that is what he wants. It's the least I can do."

"You will never have children if you stay," I whispered the secret she shared with me, confident that I would never say a word to anyone about it. "They will tear the two of you apart to see you sit upon the mortal throne. If you love him as much as I believe you do, you need to tell him the truth."

"What is the truth?" She looked to me for answers I couldn't give her. "The truth is that I don't want to be a Fae queen in the mortal lands. The truth is that I'm just a girl from a small village with no knowledge whatsoever how to rule over anyone. And the truth is – I want the life Lucien spoke of…I want to build a home by the Starlight Pool and to travel everywhere with him by my side – and I want as many children as he does. I don't want to be Queen Lilianna."

"And that is why they chose you." I laced my fingers through hers, and gave them a gentle squeeze. "I cannot think of a better female to rule than you, Lili. You willingly put the needs of others above your own wants and needs. You are just and fair as clearly demonstrated by your meeting with Feyre. You did not buckle or cower before the High Lady, and you made her see her own wrongdoings then you took her sickness into yourself, hastening your own death. That shows the courage and strength you possess to deal with the mortal queens. You will work hard to see that even the poorest subject in your queendom has a voice in how things should be run, and they will love you for it as I love you. With you on the throne, I believe we will finally attain lasting peace between Prythian and the mortal lands."

"You make a compelling argument. So much so, it almost feels as if you rehearsed it at length."

I shrugged a shoulder. "That doesn't make it any less true. There aren't many people I admire and respect as much as I admire and respect you. You're selfless and maybe that came from experiencing death firsthand, but I think the Higher Beings chose you because they saw the same kind and caring qualities you possess that I see as well. Those are the kind of qualities it takes to be a good ruler, and with every task they asked you to undertake, they were preparing you for the moment you would become Queen Lilianna."

"What if Lucien chooses not to follow me beyond the Wall?" Sadness filled her eyes as she had already determined for herself that he would not cross the Wall to be with her.

"Then you will weather it as a queen, never allowing anyone to see the heartbreak you hide behind a smile."

She nodded in acceptance of the fate she could not run away from, and tilted her chin almost regally. "I will not live on the grounds where Tamlin was tortured. If I am to be queen my home will be near the Wall so I can see my sister as often as I chose."

"I'm certain that your castle can be built wherever you desire to live." I pushed up off the bed and held out a hand to help her to her feet. "We need to find you something regal to wear. I received a letter this morning from one of the four mortal queen's you visited. There is a meeting tomorrow at the chateau where Elian once lived, and they expect you to be there to be crowned queen. If you do not attend, they will choose a new queen from Clarissa's remaining relatives, and any hope for lasting peace will be lost for good."

"I never had a choice in the matter, did I?"

"No, I don't believe you did. If the four mortal queens chose you then I would say they were influenced by the Higher Beings to do so, and they have made it impossible for you to say you don't want to be queen."

"Then that is what I'll be – Queen Lilianna, friend to all Fae and Bringer of Peace. But know this, Shadowsinger, if I fail miserably I will blame you for bolstering me with speeches about how selfless I am."

XxXxXx

_Rhysand _

Amren and Mor accompanied me to the meeting with the mortal queens at the chateau, and for once we weren't forced to wait for them. They were already seated in the living room when we arrived, their guards flanking each queen and four more of them stationed beside the windows. The withered old queen motioned for me to take a seat and I obliged her as Mor and Amren moved to stand on either side of my chair.

"I must confess I am surprised to see you are not hiding behind the skirts of your mate as you have done in the past, High Lord," the old queen said by way of greeting. "Can you make decisions on your own without her here to give a final say on any matter we discuss?"

"Be careful what you say old croon or I'll –" Amren warned, and I held up a hand to stop her before the meeting ended before it even started.

"I wasn't aware that I needed to make any decisions today or I assure you I would've brought Feyre with me," I said, casually picking a piece of imaginary lint off my pants. "In the letter I received it was made clear that you had chosen a new queen to replace Clarissa. My curiosity got the better of me so here I am waiting to be dazzled by the chosen one."

"We are awaiting her arrival," one of the dark haired queens said in a far gentler tone than the old queen. "While we wait there is the matter of Queen Clarissa's remains. As a show of good faith on your part, we ask that you return them to us in order that she may be buried in the Queen's Cemetery alongside her mother."

My heart skipped a beat, but outwardly I remained calm and unruffled as I said, "We left her where she fell. If you did not find her remains amongst the dead, I would suggest you speak to the males who buried those who lost their lives defending an evil queen."

"You invaded our lands, murdered numerous men, and burned down the queen's castle and manor," the old queen said. "That was an act of war on your part, and yet we called for this meeting to discuss a peaceful alliance. I would say the very least you could do is honor our request and return the remains of the fallen queen."

"The High Lord already told you we do not have the queen's remains," Mor said, knowing full-well that Clarissa's body was gone by the time they returned from rounding up those who had tried to escape. "Do not dare insult him by asking a third time."

My lips parted the words of denial on my tongue to say. I never got the chance as the front door opened and Azriel walked into the living room with Lilianna on his arm. My jaw slackened. Mor sucked in a breath, and a low growl rumbled in Amren's throat. He wore his Illyian leathers, yet he carried no weapons – not one single blade. And although very aware of our presence in the room, Azriel paid us no attention as he stopped before the withered queen.

Lilianna – dressed in the color of Spring royalty, tilted her chin to look down her nose at the four queens. Hundreds of sparkling emeralds had been carefully hand-sewn into the bodice and intricate sleeves of the gown, trailing downward to form the whorls of leaves in the shimmery white material of the dress. She wore a crown of emerald leaves woven into her upswept hair, pointed ears visible for all to see – declaring herself a Spring Court queen. Azriel had to know – he had to know what it meant to be standing beside the pretend royalty of the Spring Court.

"Your majesties," Azriel said, bowing ever so slightly. "It is my honor to present to you the High Lady of the Court Without Boundaries."

"Did he just –"

"Yes, he did," I gritted out, cutting Mor off. In one mouthful, he had committed high treason not only against the Night Court but every other Court as well by declaring her ruler of all Prythian.

But he wasn't finished. No, he dug himself and even deeper hole when he went on to add, "And the High Queen of the Mortal Lands."

Silence. Utter and complete silence. Even the withered queen was at a loss for words. His sheer audacity left everyone speechless. The mortal queen's guards shifted uncomfortably, unsure what to do, and I could feel the weight of both Amren and Mor's eyes on me.

"You cannot just make up titles as you please, Shadowsinger," the withered queen finally found her voice. "And you cannot declare her ruler of the mortal lands, placing her above the queens who have ruled for centuries."

"And yet, I did," Azriel said, hazel eyes locked on hers. "You have seen for yourself the fate of the mortal lands if the Higher Beings commands are not obeyed. Why else would you have chosen a girl with not a single drop of royal blood running through her veins to be queen?"

"She shared the vision of what's to come," the dark haired queen whispered.

"We shared the dream," the other dark haired queen added, glancing down the line at the other three queens. "They are angry that we have forgotten the ways of the old queens of the past – that we have forgotten to care for the poorest and weakest amongst our people. I, for one, do not wish to spend eternity in the place they showed us once I die. I accept the High Lady of the Court Without Boundaries as High Queen of the Mortal Lands."

"I, too, accept the High Lady as High Queen of the Mortal Lands," the youngest, golden haired queen spoke up, her gray eyes haunted with the visions and dreams they shared.

"I pledge my allegiance to the High Queen of the Mortal Lands," the first dark haired queen added, leaving only the withered queen to follow suit.

"If this is some trickery on the part of the Night Court –" The withered queen looked to me, and I shrugged a shoulder, baffled that any of them would willingly subjugate themselves to a child queen with no royal blood or experience. Whatever they had witnessed through visions and shared dreams must have been horrific to have them readily agreeing to make her High Queen. "I agree to accept you as High Queen of the Mortal Lands."

"Good," Lilianna said, squaring her shoulders as she looked from one guard to the next. "We have no more need of your services, gentlemen." Dismissing them, she waved a hand at the door. "There are refreshments in the dining room." Her gaze then traveled to Mor and Amren. "The two of you may join them. This meeting will be a peaceful discussion which means there will be no need for bodyguards."

"You say that, and yet Azriel stands at your side," I pointed out, anger coiling in my chest that he had betrayed me so thoroughly. "I will not send Amren and Mor away unless you do the same for him."

"Of course," she said with a gentle smile. "Azriel, would you please wait outside with the queens' guards and Mor and Amren."

"As you wish, your Majesty," he said, turning on his heel to lead the others out of the living room.

She waited until the last of the guards filed out of the room then took a seat in one of the remaining chairs. "First and foremost, I would begin by saying that I am not your enemy, Rhysand."

"From where I am sitting it doesn't seem that way," I said, a deep ache settling into my chest at the thought of Azriel's betrayal. "You have declared yourself High Lady of Prythian – do you deny it?"

"I do not deny it," she said, holding my gaze as the other queens leaned in as if they were afraid they would miss something. "We want the same thing, High Lord – peace between Fae and humans. Yet no matter how far your reach or power, it cannot be accomplished by sitting in Velaris awaiting the next battle – awaiting the next threat. Humans do not have your strength or power – they have been murdered and enslaved for Fae amusement throughout the centuries. That ends today."

"And how do you propose to put an end to the violence that has been so prevalent in our peoples' shared history?"

"In the days and weeks to come I will be traveling to the other Courts in Prythian to speak to the High Lords on behalf of the Mortal Realm. I will make them see that it is in their best interest to agree to a peace treaty," she said without a shred of fear of the other High Lords.

"You will be dead before your first meeting concludes," I predicted and the other queens nodded in agreement. "You know nothing of High Lords, Queen Lilianna. They do not take kindly to anyone giving orders or making demands of them."

"I may be a young queen, but I am a powerful queen," she countered smoothly, running her hand down the front of dress. "Do you deny it, High Lord?"

"I do not deny it," I said, feeling a rippled of my ancestor's power emanating from her. "But Tamlin is powerful, too, and that did not save him from being tortured for months by a mortal queen."

The withered queen opened her mouth to speak, but Lilianna held up and hand to silence her. "What bothers you more, Rhysand – the fact that I boldly claimed to be the High Lady of Prythian? Or that I am not afraid to face any High Lord in the pursuit of peace? If it is the former then I would say to you that it is merely a title as High Lord is a title, having no weight to it at all unless others believe it to be true. If it is the latter, then I would have to question your desire to see peace between our lands within your lifetime."

"You will never bring Prythian under your rule," I said with a curt shake of my head. If any of the other High Lords ever heard her claim to be the ruling High Lady of Prythian, she would not survive. "I know that you do not care whether you live or die, but Lucien does. For his sake, I would ask you to rule from your side of the Wall and leave Prythian to me."

"I have no desire to rule Prythian or any of the Courts therein." With a gentle smile, Lilianna folded her hands in her lap, the picture of queenly grace. "If I fail to do as I have said, I give you free permission to laugh at my graveside and to write 'I told you it couldn't be done' on my gravestone. I know the risks of this undertaking, High Lord. Do I want to die – no, I don't. I'm only sixteen years old and I've already died once. I would like to live a very long time – long enough to see one of my children take the throne, and long enough that I could build a home near the Starlight Pool where I would live the rest of my days with my mate – but if I had to die, I can think of no better way than in the pursuit of a peaceful existence between the Fae and humans."

I studied her a long moment, carefully weighing her words, and the bravery it took to stand up to me – foolish, reckless bravery, and I couldn't help but admire her. We wanted the same thing, both of us willing to sacrifice everything to attain peace, but she was right – I couldn't bring peace to our two lands from my side of the Wall. "Do you all agree with the High Queen's decision to cross the Wall to speak to the High Lords on your behalf?"

"It's a fool's quest but if the High Queen chooses to undertake it then I agree with her plan," the withered queen said, likely hoping Lilianna would be killed for her attempts to speak to the High Lords, and the other queens nodded their approval.

"Then I am at your service, High Lady of the Court Without Boundaries – High Queen of the Mortal Lands." They were merely titles that only carried weight if people believed them to be true – and I believed she was everything she claimed to be just as Azriel believed in her. She would make our lands a better place for Fae and human alike or she would die trying, and that was the kind of ruler we needed.

"If you don't mind, I would prefer it if you just called me Lili." She glanced at the four queens then her gaze fell to me, and she winked. "Titles are for those who like to puff themselves up on their own importance."

"And yet, you gave yourself two titles that put you far above everyone else," I pointed out to her and the queens voiced their agreement.

"Yes, I did, didn't I?" she chuckled lightly. "Can you blame me, Rhys? The look on your face was priceless."

"Nonetheless, it is a title you will keep from this day forward with the full backing of the Night Court. The other High Lords will think twice about harming you if they know they will have to deal with me."

"I do not want you to put yourself or your family at risk for me," she said with a shake of her head. "If I cannot accomplish these tasks I set for myself on my own then I am not the right person to rule the Mortal Lands."

"Spoken like a true queen," I said my admiration for her deepening. "Just the same, we will come to your aid if needed."

"The alliance between my queendom and the Night Court will remain unbroken, and it is my wish to strengthen the ties between our two peoples," she said, casting a smile in my direction. "To that end, the mortal lands will reinstate the tradition of celebrating each holiday our friends across the Wall celebrate. If it is acceptable to you, High Lord, I am suggesting opening the borders during these celebrations so that our people and yours may learn to coexist with each other."

"That is not without risk," I said, and yet I found myself hoping this would be the beginning of a new era for our people. "It could be accomplished if there were posted guards to ensure the safety of your people."

"And who would pay for these celebrations?" the withered queen asked, chomping at the bit to say it couldn't be done.

"The expense would be shared between the Night Court and the High Queen of the Mortal Lands," I said, a smile pulling at my lips. "It has long been my hope that we could open up trade between Prythian and the Mortal Realm as we once did before my father was born. Trade would benefit both our people and it would go a long way in strengthening the ties we hope to build."

"Your food is poison to us and the clothes you wear would cost the average person much more than they could afford to pay," the dark haired queen said. "It cannot be done. The mortal queendom would go bankrupt if we agreed to this."

"If you wish to trade with my queendom, the prices you set for your goods and services would have to take into account the average income of my people – quality items at a price they can afford," Lilianna said, thinking of her people and not the wealthy queens. "You have seen the people of my lands – they are not wealthy, but they are hard working men and women. If you can give me your word that they will be treated fairly and with dignity, I will agree to open up trade between our lands."

"I give you my word that they will not be cheated or swindled."

"Good, I will hold you to your word, High Lord," she said, her gaze settling on the withered queen. "The queens of the past and present have taken more than the people can afford to give. That ends today. Moving forward there will no longer be a ninety percent tax on the services our people provide. No longer will my subjects die of starvation while a favored few live in luxury." She looked to me once more and this time it was for guidance. She had a clear idea of the future she wanted to see for her people, but not the understanding of how Courts and queendoms were run. "I must confess I have no understanding of how much money it takes to run five queendoms, but I have seen how well your people thrive in Velaris, Rhysand. It is my goal to instill the same practices in regards to the taxation of goods and services."

"I would be more than happy to set up meetings with the Night Court's financial advisers for you, High Lady. With their guidance, the vision you see for your people can be accomplished."

"No," the withered queen spoke up glaring between me and Lilianna. "No!" She slammed her hand down on the cushioned armrest of her chair. "We were bullied into accepting you as our High Queen by nightly terrors and other – afflictions. I will not lower the taxes in my territory – I will not open up my coffers to pay for _these _celebrations you speak of, and I will not allow my subjects to trade with the filthy Fae you seem so enamored with, High Queen."

"I would strongly suggest you reconsider, Queen Marion," Lilianna said, locking eyes with the withered queen.

Lips pursed, eyes full of venom, she said, "I will not."

"Then I am truly sorry –"

"As well you should be," Marion huffed, resting back in her seat. "You may have the title of High Queen, but make no mistake about it, girl – the four mortal queens will be running our queendoms without any interference from you."

"You were mistaken as to what I was about to say," Lilianna said, gracefully getting to her feet to look down at the withered queen. "Had you let me finish speaking, you would have realized you no longer have any authority in the mortal lands." She glanced from one queen to the next and then her eyes fell to Marion again. "Henceforth, you are stripped of your title of Queen of the Southern Territories. A home will be provided for you along with a modest income – it is time you learned how the people who served you live. Perhaps it will give you a better understanding of why the changes I am trying to make are so important."

"You cannot strip me of my title!" Marion hissed, spittle spraying from her mouth.

"I. Just. Did," Lilianna said, stressing each word. "Be grateful, Marion. The Higher Beings you are so afraid of whispered through my mind to have you stoned to death as a warning to the three remaining queens – I interceded on your behalf." She pointed at Marion's arm, and deep oozing sores erupted from beneath her skin. "However, I could not persuade them against showing you a small taste of the power they possess. You will be inflicted with these hideous sores for the rest of your days as a painful reminder of how greed cost you everything."

"Who will rule the southern territories in her stead?" I asked as more festering sores split open on her Marion's face, and cursing Lilianna, she winnowed away. She had made her first enemy as High Queen, and at some point when we were alone I would have to warn her to be on her guard as Marion would try to get revenge.

"The land she owned could be divided between the three of us," the golden haired queen said, gesturing to the other two queens, and the two voiced their agreement with the proposal. Of course, they would. They would gain land, and the taxes they received from Marion's subjects would lessen their financial losses. "We will abide by the rules you have set forth before us today – lowering taxes, reinstating holidays, and we promise to be open to negotiations on the topic of trade with the Fae."

"I will allow it," Lilianna said after a brief pause. She knew they would gain from the division of Marion's land, but she didn't care about the money or the land. She only cared about the welfare of her subjects, and she made a rather large concession for the good of her people. "I feel as if we have made progress today. We will continue this conversation at a later date, and I would encourage the three of you to speak up and voice your opinions." She shifted to face me. "As this is a joint venture – a shared dream of a better world, I would ask that you and members of your Court join us for any future meetings. From differing points of view, we will shape a new world – a better world for our families and friends to live in."

"I would be honored to attend every meeting," I said, bowing before her. "Your Higher Beings chose right when they chose you, Queen Lilianna."


	41. Chapter 41

**Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who took the time to share their thoughts with me :)**

Chapter Forty One

_Lucien_

"Are you certain you want to do this, Feyre?" I asked for at least the tenth time since I'd returned to the townhouse to speak to Lilianna. It was my misfortune that Feyre had answer the front door when I knocked, and she quickly dragged me upstairs to her bedroom to have a word with me in private. Had I known her intent, I would have winnowed away the second the door swung open.

"Yes, I'm certain," she said from behind the ornate dressing screen. If Rhysand chose to return home at this very minute, I would be a dead Fae. Not only was I in their bedroom, but she was naked behind the sheer screen. She might as well have been undressing right in front of me for all the privacy the screen afforded her. "Rhysand had a meeting he had to attend, and assured me he wouldn't be home until later this evening."

"He'll kill me if he finds out I took you to see Tamlin," I said, turning my back on the dressing screen and her dark silhouette.

"Who are you more afraid of at the moment – Rhysand who is not in Velaris or me?"

"You're joking, right?" I laughed, couldn't help it. "I am not afraid of you, Feyre."

"Yes, you are, Lucien. I could rip you to shreds, and you know it." She stepped out from behind the screen, tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned to face her. "You are my friend and as such I would never use my power to hurt you."

"Do you remember the night Tamlin found you tangled up in my arms wearing that little lacy nightgown?" Her eyes narrowed slightly, and I went on to add, "What if he had killed me that night for what looked like two lovers wrapped up in each other's arms?"

"If he had tried to kill you I would've killed him first," she calmly stated as she had no doubt wanted to do when she returned the Spring Court to play at being a spy.

"You would've had one chance to strike and then he would've figured out what you were up to. If you had attacked him, it would've been you who died that night, Feyre," I said, looking her up and down. "You have power – he is power, and there is a vast difference between the two. You speak of Rhysand and how he is the most powerful Fae ever created, but he has a rival for that title as he learned on the battlefield the other day."

"Why are you bringing this up now? Isn't it enough that I am going to the Spring Court to try to fix the damage to his mind?"

"I'm bringing it up because you never apologized for manipulating me at every turn – you never once said you were sorry for using Elian to get me to betray my best friend. You never fooled me, Feyre. You may have fooled Hybern and Tamlin, but you never fooled me. I knew you were up to something from the second you _miraculously_ freed yourself from the hold Rhysand had on your mind. But if I said anything you would've kept me from ever seeing Elian, and I learned quickly never to cross you. You are devious and malicious to those you feel have wronged you, and you are not afraid to leave innocent casualties in your wake in the pursuit of revenge. I am one of those casualties – you left my life in ruins to hurt him, and I am not going anywhere with you until you admit what you did and apologize."

"I did what I felt I needed to do to stop Hybern's forces from overrunning Prythian," she said, defending her actions when we both knew her reasons for returning to the Spring Court centered on revenge. "Tamlin was not blameless in what happened between us, but I will apologize for involving you in my plans."

It wasn't an apology – not really, but it was the best I would ever get from her. "I really don't like you, Feyre – I don't, and the truth is, I don't think I ever did. Good people admit to their mistakes on their own, they don't need a dying girl and the threat of death to make them see the error of their ways. And more importantly, good people don't use their friends to further their own agenda. Maybe you thought we were close, I don't know, but I could never like someone I never trusted."

"I am trying to make amends, Lucien," she said with forced evenness. "It won't be easy, but I am trying to forgive him for his weak and cowardly acts – I am trying to forgive him for what happened to my sisters and for his abusive treatment of me after we returned from Under the Mountain."

"How gracious of you, High Lady." I rolled my eyes at how full of herself she was. I could have told her she made for the perfect High Lady of Night as there was a darkness within her so deep and profound no amount of light would ever chase it away. I didn't. She was who she was – a dark soul who truly believed the ends justified the means, and it was freeing to tell her that I didn't like her. It was freeing to separate myself from the darkness of Night to walk into the beautiful light my future offered me now that I'd found my true mate. I no longer needed to pretend to be okay with vile treatment of my best friend – the treatment of a friend who'd taken me in and offered his protection to keep me safe from my family when no one else would. There would be time enough to tell her that I was finally free of her, but for now I would use her as she used me to help save Tamlin from the madness that had taken hold of him. "If you are ready, we should get going."

We left the townhouse and then winnowed to the Spring Court together, fingers intertwined to keep from being separated. We appeared at the edge of thick, thorny vines snaking outward from the manor, and I could see in her gray-blue eyes that she was fighting the urge to return to Velaris leaving him to his madness. Nothing had changed. She still hated him and likely always would. Most people grew and changed from their experiences – not her. If she had it in her to do so, she would have forgiven him the moment he saved Rhysand's life. Hell, anyone else would have forgiven him the day he'd come to her rescue when she snuck into Hybern's camp to rescue Elian.

"What's your plan?" I said as I took a backward step, and shook away the vines that crept over my boot.

Bobbing her head toward the manor, she rested a hand on her rounded stomach. "I'm going to breeze through the vines as nothing more than mist."

"And then what?"

"I'll confront him and tell him his mate is still alive." She glanced down at her stomach, and perhaps for the first time she considered the risk she was taking for a male she didn't like. "If he can't be reasoned with at least I'll know I tried."

"No one expects you to help him. You could go home right now and everyone would still love and adore you."

"I know," she said, fading away to become one with the breeze.

XxXxXx

_Tamlin_

Lucien had made himself scarce for the past two days, claiming he needed to keep an eye on the Wall, and I worried he might try to cross to the other side to find a female with hatred in her heart for all Fae. If he died in the pursuit of a way to end our curse – I couldn't think about it. If I did, I would lock him in his bedroom to keep him safe. I couldn't lose him. I'd already lost too much. If he hadn't joined me for dinner both nights – it was a good thing that he made a nightly appearance, lessening the tightness in my chest.

Thankfully, Andras joined me both days to patrol the woods for any creatures that made it past the shields. I knew he wanted to ask me to let him cross the Wall, but every time he brought up the curse, I changed the subject. We'd grown up together, spending our days running through the woods, swimming in the Starlight Pool, and hunting. When I joined my father's army to get away from my brothers, happy to serve and not to be served as High Lord, Andras went with me as did Bron and Hart. My brothers knew – they knew how powerful I was, and the military kept me from getting a knife through the back or an ash arrow to the heart by one of them. Now, the people I was closest to want me to sacrifice them for the greater good of the Spring Court. I'd already lost enough friends due to the curse and the hatred of humans. Not once in all these long years had a human female killed one of my friends – they left that task to the males, and then they sold the wolf pelts. I'd glamoured them to look like large wolves, and the humans skinned them – people who trusted me had gone to their deaths for nothing.

By the time we returned to the manor and Andras left to go home for dinner, Lucien had arrived and sat waiting for me at the table laden with food. "Do you recall the first time we met?" I asked as I took a seat at the head of the table, glancing at the empty seat on the opposite side.

"The Spring Ball," he said, metal eye clicking softly. "How could I forget – it was the first time you saved me from my brothers. They caught me in the barn with Jesminda, and you showed up only moments after they started beating the hell out of me. You were so fast – so fast, they couldn't touch you. They would have raped her if you hadn't shown up when you did and left them bloody and broken on the ground."

"You vowed that you would one day repay me for coming to your rescue…I'm calling in that debt," I said as I scooped mashed potatoes onto my plate. "I want you to promise me you won't volunteer to cross the Wall in front of my sentries – I want you to promise you won't cross over to the human lands to sacrifice yourself to end this curse."

He chewed down his roast beef, swallowed it, and took a gulp of his wine. "I don't want to be seen as a coward, Tam. If you haven't asked the others –"

His fork dropped out of his hand, clattering on the glass plate as female appeared within a blackened mist. A low growl rumbled in my throat, a warning for her to flee.

My claws punched out from beneath my skin and dug into the table. "Did Amarantha send you? If so you can tell her for me that I still have time left before I must join her Under the Mountain."

"Amarantha is dead," the pretty Fae said, bracing her hands against the wooden backrest of the chair she stood behind. "She has been dead for a while now – I broke the curse and freed Prythian."

Lucien smirked and I laughed. "Did you hear that, Lucien? She freed us from Amarantha's rule – she's our pregnant savior. However can we repay you?"

"She's a spy," Lucien said, and I nodded in agreement. "Amarantha is using her pregnancy to get you to feel sorry enough for her that you'll take her in. Don't fall for anything she says or she'll kill us all in our sleep."

"You can tell Amarantha that if she's going to send someone to the manor, I would prefer a sexy redhead with a body – well, with a body that isn't fat from pregnancy. And if she thinks I won't tear you to shreds like every other creature she's sent, she is sadly mistaken."

She bared her teeth at me, and her grip tightened on the edge of the chair, the wood groaning in protest. "You remember me, Tamlin," she gritted out, blue-gray eyes sparking with anger. "You sent Andras across the Wall and after I killed him, you forced me to come and stay with you in the Spring Court."

"Andras just went home to have dinner with his family – try again, and this time perhaps you can make up a more believable lie."

"Why are you baiting her? Just kill her and send the remains back to Amarantha," Lucien said, golden eye whizzing.

"You're right, I should, but not before I hear the reason why Amarantha sent her."

"You're talking to an empty chair," she said, looking from Lucien to me. "Against my better judgment, I left Velaris to try to snap you out of theses delusions you are suffering from. I am Feyre – you remember me, Tamlin. We were engaged, but I left you to be with – my mate."

"I think I would remember if I was engaged." I looked to Lucien and he shrugged a shoulder. "Okay, I'll play along. I brought you to stay at the Spring Court after you murdered Andras across the Wall – I'm not sure how he got to the Wall within the few minutes since I last saw him, but sure he's dead. Did I propose the first moment I saw you – no, I wouldn't have done that. It must have been after you saved everyone from Amarantha." I rolled my eyes, couldn't help it. "You killed her with your what – perhaps it was the glare of death that's frozen on your face."

"There were three trials she forced me to endure to rescue you or at any time I could solve the riddle she recited – I solved it during the last trial and then you killed her after she tortured and snapped my neck."

"In this story of yours, did solving the riddle free everyone trapped Under the Mountain?"

She hesitated for several long moments then shook her head. From the deep frown pulling her lips downward, it must have killed her to admit she wasn't the savior she believed herself to be. "No, solving the riddle only freed the Fae of the Spring Court."

"If I understand you correctly it seems as if I saved everyone in Prythian by killing her, and you took the credit for it. The trials were a nice touch, amping up the tension, but maybe if you hadn't added the part about breaking your neck, you could have woven a tale where you fought her to the death thereby freeing everyone." I bobbed my head toward the foyer. "You are free to leave, Feyre. I wouldn't want to deprive Amarantha of her storyteller."

"You have a mate, Tamlin," she said, holding my gaze. "Her name is Brie – she helped to rescue you from the mortal queen."

My stomach lurched, a sick feeling spreading through me. "Nice try, but I haven't set foot across the border in years," I uttered, swallowing hard against the hot bile rising in my throat. "I told you to leave. Go now or I will kill you as Lucien suggested."

"You married the mortal queen – Clarissa, to save your mate and Lucien," she went on to say as if she hadn't heard my command to leave. "She and her soldiers tortured you for months before Lucien and Brie enlisted the help of another Court to free you."

"Why would my own Court not come to my rescue?" I said, dragging a clawed nail along the wood of the table, leaving behind a deep groove. "My sentries would fight and die for me if I was taken prisoner by a mortal queen."

"She's a trained liar," Lucien said, glaring at her. "Send her away before she can spew any more lies."

"I turned them against you," she said, one corner of her mouth lifting into a half-smile. Proud of what she'd done to me. "I destroyed your Court from within after you went to Hybern to try to get me back from my mate. You tried to steal me from him so I stole everything from you."

My upper lip flared, exposing razor sharp fangs. "Liar!"

"Don't you remember, Tamlin? Lucien fled the Spring Court with me – I went home to the Night Court to be with my mate, Rhysand, and Lucien went to be with his mate Elian. You lost everything because of me, and I reveled in your misery."

"You cold-hearted bitch!" I roared, slamming my hand down hard on the table and the ground beneath us trembled with my anger. "I remember you – I remember every moment of torment you unleash upon me." She squared her shoulders, looking down at me without a shred of remorse. I looked to Lucien, and without a word he winnowed away. "Sit." I bobbed my head to her chair at the table. "You obviously have things you would like to say to me, and I have the need to get stuff off my chest as well."

"I don't see the need to rehash the past," she said, refusing to sit.

"Oh, I believe we have much to say to each other." Leaning back in my seat, I waved to the opposite end of the table, and held her gaze until she finally sat on the cushioned chair. "Did you enjoy drinking yourself into oblivion Under the Mountain?"

"I don't see how that has anything to do with everything that has happened between us," she hissed, pouring herself a glass of wine.

"Oh, come on now, Feyre," I chuckled mirthlessly. "You have to know that everyone didn't just call you Rhysand's whore for nothing more than a few lurid dances. Clever male to paint every inch of your body – I wonder how long it took him to wash it all off himself."

"What are you suggesting, Tamlin?"

"Oh, I'm not suggesting anything, I'm outright telling you that his hands and mouth were covered in paint every night – all part of the act, I'm sure." I rolled my eyes. "I can see you don't believe me. I don't care if you do I'm just making you aware of the facts. Maybe it was for Amarantha's benefit, but more likely mine. I had to sit up there on that dais and watch him practically fuck you with his hands, and I couldn't do anything about it. Because I knew – I knew if I tried, Amarantha would've killed you outright. And I didn't blame you – I didn't. You were drugged half out of your mind, exposing your breasts to every Fae in the throne room. And it killed me to watch him take advantage of you like that when you were too drugged up to say no. Call him your savior if that's how you feel, but what I saw in that throne room night after night was tantamount to rape."

"You don't know anything about our relationship, Tamlin. What he did, he did to save me."

"Yes, you would see it that way, wouldn't you." I poured myself a glass of wine and took a long swallow of the sweet liquid. "I wonder though if I was your mate not him, would you still feel the same way?"

"You're not my mate," she reminded me, taking a sip of her wine.

"To which I thank the Cauldron every day for having the good sense not to shackle me with you." I smirked as she glared at me. "Let's get back to my point of view as to the events that led up to you destroying my Court. You were drugged every day – day in day out from the moment you made that bargain with Rhysand. A deal I thought you wanted to get out of – a deal I would've gladly died to break for you. Never once did you say that you were falling in love with him – not once."

"I told you that he was my mate when we were in Hybern. You didn't listen."

"Yes, you did, and that is why I brought up the parties Under the Mountain. You were drugged then which proved what lengths Rhysand would go to have you – why would I have believed he didn't have you under some sort of mental hold? It's not that farfetched, Feyre." I didn't feel the need to also mention the very real images Amarantha dug deep into my mind, and how I'd lived with terrifying nightmares of her dying over and over again at Rhysand's hand. She probably already knew the truth anyways as Rhysand or Lilianna and Azriel wouldn't have kept it from her. "Yes, I would've hated you for falling in love with my enemy, but I wouldn't have turned myself inside out trying to get you back if you had just told me the truth at any point."

"You locked me in the manor – you knew –"

"I knew what?" I cut in tired of the narrative that I was the bad guy in her version of the events. "We barely spoke once we returned from Under the Mountain. You saw me as the coward sitting beside Amarantha – you felt as if you were the only one who had suffered at her hand. Not to burst your bubble, but there were people who suffered far worse than you or Rhysand – most of them at your mate's hand. No one remembers it, but he was only _your_ hero Under the Mountain. His plans and schemes amounted to nothing in the forty-nine years he lived and served Amarantha, and in the end I was the one who killed her – not Rhysand and definitely not you."

"He save more people than you can imagine," she said, upper lip curling in disgust as she held my gaze. "He kept Velaris hidden to keep his people safe. That's more than I can say for you."

"Huh, and here I thought that my people were living freely for those forty-nine years while those he didn't favor lived Under the Mountain as slaves or were murdered outright," I countered, and her lips pressed into a thin line. "Unlike Rhysand, I was smart enough to see Amarantha for what she was at the masked ball. I didn't drink her toast, and I certainly didn't allow any of my Court to drink either. Then I took on the curse that kept my people free for forty-nine years. I didn't pick and chose who deserved freedom, and even offered protection to those from other Courts such as Alis and her nephews."

"Do you want me to praise you for being cursed and sending your sentries out to die to end it?" she said sarcastically. "You aren't a hero, Tamlin, and I refuse to sit here and say you are."

"Well, I guess that makes two of us," I said, taking another swallow of wine. "But I never claimed to be a hero, Feyre. You go around calling yourself Feyre Cursebreaker and other titles, thinking yourself above everyone else. But Clare Beddor never once called you or Rhysand heroes when they were torturing her day after day for a week until her death." She had the good sense to flinch at Clare's name, and right she should as she gave Rhysand Clare's name when he asked what her name was and then he knowingly lied to Amarantha when Clare was brought into the throne room. "Amarantha asked me if she was you, and I truthfully told her I'd never seen Clare before. Not Rhysand, he claimed she was you, making him directly responsible for her death." I shrugged a shoulder. "An acceptable loss, I suppose. She was only human after all, and so was her family. I heard they burned down her family's home with them inside – is that true?"

"Yes, it's true," she whispered, lower lip quivering. "I never intended for her to get hurt – I just gave a name – it could have been any name. I didn't think –"

"Cauldron no, that would make you a monster," I cut in, a smile pulling at one corner of my lips. "How many males and females do you think Rhysand killed for Amarantha in the forty-nine years he played at being her whore?"

"He did what he had to do to survive," she snapped, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "He couldn't let her know he was trying to find a way to save everyone. It was the only way he could have freedom to do what needed to be done."

"I see." I didn't see. Forty-nine years in captivity and he had accomplished nothing. Forty-nine years killing Fae for Amarantha's amusement. "Did he ever expound on all the selfless acts he carried out while playing her whore? I mean, there has to be something? Did he pretend to kill innocent Fae and then later help them escape? Did he have a huge network of underground tunnels he dug himself to help free Fae from her?"

"He fought for me," she rasped, and I noticed talons spring forth from where her fingernails had been. Oh, she wanted to claw into my face with those sharpened talons, and I wanted her to do it – I wanted her to claw through my skin and rip my heart from my chest to be done with it all finally. She didn't. "When he saw the Attor bring me into the throne room, he decided to fight. He didn't care what it took – he didn't care if he had to fight dirty, he decided right then and there to fight her."

"Better late than never, right?" I smirked. I couldn't help it. No one ever mentioned the Fae Rhysand killed while serving Amarantha – he killed her enemies, murdered those who fought to end her reign. "He killed her enemies – think about that statement for a moment and maybe it will sink into that thick skull of yours that he murdered those fighting to end her reign in Prythian. Almost fifty years, Feyre, and he decided to show up to the fight in the last three months to save you. Secretly, mind you. So secretly in fact, I can't think of one thing he did in those three months that meant anything to anyone but you."

"He helped me with the trials to save you. All you did was sit next to Amarantha like a stone. And then during the one chance you had to help me escape, you were too busy wanting to fuck me to get me out of there."

"Remind me again who was pawing at my clothes during our one free moment together?" I lifted a brow. "Oh, yeah…that was you. Upon reflection, it makes sense to me now why Rhysand was so pissed to see his mate practically ripping my clothes off." I waved a hand dismissively as she opened her mouth to curse me and defend him. "You wanted me to attack Lucien that night when I found you tangled up in his arms – either I would kill him in a rage and lose my best friend and the support of my friends in my Court. Or he would be badly injured and hate me, and again I would lose the support of my Court, leaving me alone and isolated. You almost got me there – you did, I freely admit it. I was so angry and hurt that I almost lost control and hurt him. I stood outside his bedroom for at least five minutes talking myself out of going into his bedroom to tear him to shreds. Did you revel in those moments, too, Feyre?"

"You sided with Hybern," she pointed out as that was always her fallback excuse for any of her treatment toward me. "My sisters were made into High Fae against their will. I know to you that meant nothing, but it was devastating to them. And you were abusive to me – I'll never forget your abusive treatment of me."

"Yes, I sided with Hybern to gather useful information that helped Prythian win the war – a war that you believe was only won by all your efforts." With a wave of my hand the food on the table vanished, and I poured myself another glass of wine. "While you were busy coddling the mortal queens who betrayed you, I was learning where Hybern's forces and caches of weapons were located. While you were exposing Velaris to them, I was learning where they were the most vulnerable, and how best to use that information to our advantage. It wasn't me who told Ianthe about your sisters and where they lived so if you want to place the blame where it rightly belongs you need look no further than the mirror." I held up a hand to stop her as she opened her mouth to speak – she'd had her say for years now, telling anyone who'd listen about how horrible I was. Now it was my turn to speak. "And it's funny that you can speak of me being abusive when I have it on good authority that Rhysand was very abusive to you Under the Mountain. You think I didn't have spies of my own who reported what they saw and heard while blending into the background outside your cell? The bone he healed to seal the bargain between you two – he didn't just heal it, did he?" I shook my head. "No, he didn't. He cruelly twisted the bone shard to force you to accept his bargain. My spy heard your screams, and once we were free he came to me and told me everything. Call it what you like, make all the excuses you want for him, but I'm going to call a spade a spade and say it was very abusive. Yes, I blew up a room around you, but there was never any intent to harm you. And yes, I locked you inside the manor because I feared for your life more than you did. It was wrong of me to do so – I've never once claimed otherwise, but from the way you tell it I'm the most abusive male in all of Prythian."

"Who told you about what happened in the cell?" she uttered, swallowing repeatedly at the idea that someone other than myself knew that her High Lord wasn't the saint she believed him to be.

"Oh, you know him quite well. Or at least you should after tending to his injuries from the lashes you and Ianthe goaded me into doing," I said, noting how she sunk down in her chair. "Amarantha had her eye on Lucien so I couldn't have him keep watch over you. No, that never would've worked, not when Rhysand was keeping an eye on him as well. So I used what little power I had left to glamour Darius, Bron, and Hart into nothing more than shadows. The glamour served duel purposes – it kept them safe and it also helped them serve as my eyes and ears in your cell. It was Darius' turn to watch you when Rhysand healed your arm, and he kept what he saw to himself until we were free because he knew – he knew that I would snap and go after Rhysand and Amarantha would use that information to harm you."

"If you knew everything, why didn't you say anything before now?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I countered, holding her gaze. "You didn't say anything to me and I didn't share any of what I was going though with you. I thought that was how you wanted it – to put it in the past and never mention it again. Plus, I was trying my damnedest to break your bargain with Rhysand while dealing with the impending war with Hybern. Not to mention I was under a lot of stress, and Rhysand kept showing up to taunt me before to taking you away from me. I kept thinking of how he hurt you, and every time you came back I searched for signs of the same kind of abuse. What a fool I was. What a joke I must have been to you. Here I was trying to free you while you were busy falling in love with my enemy. And then without thought of everything I had done to make my Court a good place to live, you set out to destroy me. Well, good for you, Feyre. You succeeded."

"You have only yourself to blame, Tamlin," she said, pushing aside her empty wine glass. "I told you I wasn't coming back. I told you Rhysand was my mate. You didn't want to believe me, and then I did what I had to do to save the people I love."

"No, what you did to me was purely out of revenge. I loved you and you hate me, and that gave you all the reason you needed to ruin my life." Leaning forward in my seat, I rested my forearms on the table and clasped my hands. "Although you'll never ask it of me, I forgive you for what you've done. You're not worth the effort I've put into hating you, and you definitely weren't worth the effort I put into loving you. I am finally free of you, Feyre, and you have no idea how good that feels."

"Rhysand wants to form an alliance with the Spring Court," she said as she slowly got to her feet, and rested a hand on her expanding stomach. "Although it is of no benefit to us, we can help you rebuild your Court and protect it from your enemies. For the welfare of your mate, you should accept our offer."

"How generous of him to offer to protect me from the enemies his mate brought into my life," I said, tracing a finger down the deep grooves in the table. "My mate is dead – I killed her in a blind rage after Lucien and Rhysand –"

"She's not dead, Tamlin," she said, cutting me off. "She's in Velaris where she'll stay until it's safe to come home to you. So I would strongly suggest that you pull yourself together and rid your Court of the deadly vines surrounding the manor. What happened to you was bad – there's no denying that, but if you don't snap out of this then Clarissa's won."

"Get out of my house," I gritted out, pointing a finger toward the foyer. "And don't come back."

"You are a coward," she said, and not budging an inch, she tilted her chin defiantly. "I don't know why I expected you to act any differently than the male who did nothing to protect me Under the Mountain. Brie is much better off without you, and it is my fondest wish that you never come to realize that she didn't die by your hand."

"I'm sure it is." I nudged my head toward the entranceway, and the thorny vines parted granting her access to the front door. "You are free to go, High Lady of Darkness and Despair. Another title to add to all the ones you're so proud of."

"Not that it did any good, but at least I can say I tried to help you," she said, glancing behind her at the narrow path between the vines. Her eyes returned to me, and her lips dipped into a frown. "I did love you, Tamlin. Not in the same way as I love Rhysand, but I did love you. You were the first male I ever loved, and for as much as I love Rhysand that first will always belong solely to you. And you're right, I did become this dark creature hellbent on revenge – it drove me to ruin you. I did things that looking back upon, I am not proud of. I thought myself so clever, but you are right – Lucien could've been killed that night when you found us together. And you are also right in saying that Rhysand spent forty-nine years murdering any Fae who opposed Amarantha – he's not proud of what he did to survive, but he was lost like you are lost now. He saw no way out and neither do you – there is a way out, Tamlin. Locking yourself up inside this house isn't the way to solve your problems. It'll only make them worse. Get rid of the vines and open up your house and your heart to your mate. She loves you so much."

It was more of an apology than I ever expected to hear from her. I didn't fool myself into believing we would ever be friends – too much had transpired for any sort of true friendship to develop again between us. "Tell Rhysand I will consider his offer of an alliance between our two Courts."

"I will." She gave a curt nod. "Take care of yourself, Tamlin. It may not seem like it now, but you have a lot to live for."

"It doesn't feel like I do," I whispered as she winnowed away.

**Auther's note: I have to admit it bothered me when Feyre only had a few smudges on her waist from the paint on her. Rhysand was parading her around as his whore wearing only thin strips of fabric to cover her body and yet there were only a few chaste touches on her waist? That made no sense to me. He'd already proven that he could touch her and the paint would magically reappear before they went to the party. If the act of bringing Feyre to the parties was for Amarantha and Tamlin's benefit, he would have played his part to make them believe she really was his whore. Later when Feyre asked Lucien what happened after the fact, he said she didn't want to know, and that leads you to believe there was more than what he told her happened, and seems more in line with how Rhysand behaved during his visit to the Court of Nightmares. He's played the role of the cruel and evil High Lord of the Night Court for his entire reign to protect his people, and I highly doubt he would risk raising Amarantha's suspicions by not playing his part to perfection. Perhaps, I'm wrong, if you feel differently share your thoughts with me...thanks again for reading:)**


	42. Chapter 42

**Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who have taken the time to share their thoughts with me in a review :)**

Chapter Forty Two

_Azriel_

Mor and Amren followed me out of the meeting between Lilianna, Rhysand, and the mortal queens, and grabbing onto my arm, Mor winnowed us to the end of the driveway. It was no less than I expected after declaring Lilianna High Lady of Prythian, but it still stung to see the anger in her eyes directed squarely at me. To her way of thinking, I'd betrayed not only Rhysand but the Inner Circle as well. I'd firmly placed Lilianna above not only Rhysand but every other High Lord as well – a bold and foolish move on my part, and yet I didn't regret it. The mortal queens needed to see her as a force to be reckoned with and proclaiming her High Lady of Prythian accomplished that task better than I could have hoped.

"Are you out of your mind, Azriel?" Mor snapped, pacing back and forth in front of me. "You committed treason right in front of Rhysand – you betrayed all of us. For what? They'd already decided to make Lilianna queen, but that wasn't enough for you, was it?"

"No, it wasn't." I moved to stand in her path, and caught hold of her hand. "It was the right thing to do, and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. She is High Queen of the mortal lands, Morrigan. Throughout history that has never happened before, and I believe with all my heart that she will bring about an era of change for Fae and human alike."

"Are you in love with her?" She shirked her arm free from my grasp. "Is that it? You're in love with her and are willing to do anything to make her fall in love with you, too? It's not as if I haven't witnessed your attention gravitate toward her whenever she enters a room. Nor has it escaped anyone's notice that she's resided in your bedroom since Lucien dropped her off."

"You do realize it is possible to respect and care about someone without being in love with them, right? If not, you should as that is how you've always thought of me."

"I never meant to hurt you, Az," she whispered, knowing how deeply I fallen for her when she never felt the same way about me.

"I know you didn't," I assured her, no longer feeling the painful ache in my chest from when I learned she preferred females to males. "You need to trust that I didn't rush into this without giving any thought to what I was doing. I've watched her for months and listened to everything she had to say about the Higher Beings and what comes next – not to mention the lives they want for us. Fae and humans live together in peace in the Beyond, Mor. And together, our ancestors and hers chose to send her back to bring peace to both our lands. It is no mere coincidence that she inherited Rhysand's ancestors' power – power that she will need to deal with both Fae and human alike. She has no interest in ruling Prythian – but it was the title that was given to her by the Higher Beings. A title they whispered through my mind, and I could no more deny them than she can. I fear for her safety, and I also fear she won't live long enough to see the positive changes she's working toward come to fruition without the protection of the Night Court."

"You should be worried," she said, folding her arms across her chest. "Even if by some miracle Rhysand decides to back her claim as High Lady of the Court Without Borders, none of the other Courts will, and she will have a target on her head for the rest of her days. So my suggestion to you would be to keep her from ever entering Prythian from this day forward. Let her rule from this side of the Wall as High Queen, and make her swear never to make any sort of claim to ruling Prythian again. That is the only way you will keep her alive, Azriel. You know I speak the truth."

"She is a force of nature – I could no more stop her from crossing the Wall than I stop a tornado or a hurricane. And the truth is that I don't want to stop her. I want the vision of the future she has shown me. I am a warrior but I do not wish to be at war for the rest of my days. I never dared to dream of a life without constant battles and pain – I am dreaming of that future now. Hate me if you must, but this is the life I want for myself and the people I love, Mor."

"I don't hate you, Az. I am just trying to understand why you would give up everything to follow this female – I hate to have to say this, but you sound and act like one of the Children of the Blessed. They give up everything to cross the Wall to worship us because for some reason they believe we are special, and that's exactly what you have done. You turned your back on Rhysand and the Inner Circle when you showed up with her today. And if you think the mortal queens didn't take notice of your change of allegiance, you are sorely mistaken."

"You're wrong, Mor." Lips pursed, I shook my head. "I haven't turned my back on Rhysand or the Inner Circle. I don't have to choose one or the other."

"Yes, you do!" she snapped in frustration. "That would be the equivalent of serving two High Lords – it can't be done. Your loyalty to one would always far exceed the loyalty you felt for the other, and neither would ever be able to trust you inexplicably."

"Are you saying that I can't be trusted?"

"I'm saying that we are your family, and you are casting us aside for some female you scarcely know."

"Not once has Lili asked me to choose between her and all of you." I held up one badly scarred finger. "Not once. She knows how important all of you are to me, and she is not worried if I feel more loyalty toward Rhysand and the Inner Circle. She is young and inexperienced – she knows that and asked me for guidance. That's the sign of a good ruler, and I will not be pressured into going back on my word to help her. If you can't understand that then it's your problem, not mine." I nudged my head toward the chateau, and started walking in that direction. "I'm going back inside to make certain Amren doesn't murder the mortal queen's guards before the meeting concludes."

"Wait..." Heaving a heavy breath, she hurried to catch up to me. "I'll go with you."

XxXxXx

_Rhysand_

Lilianna dismissed the mortal queens and as they filed out of the living room to collect their guards to winnow home, she lightly rested a hand on my arm to stop me from joining Amren and Mor. "May I have a word with you in private, Rhysand?"

"If I said no, would you just let me walk out the door?" I said, lifting a brow.

"Is this a test, High Lord?" She smiled and waved a hand at the seat I'd just vacated. "As I feel it is indeed a test I am going to do what I believe you would do, and tell you that you have not been dismissed yet."

"The other High Lords will not be as accommodating as I am," I said, taking a seat and bobbing my head at her chair. As she reclaimed her seat and clasped her hands in her lap, I added, "You did exceptionally well today, Queen Lilianna. Not that I'm surprised – you've never had the good sense to be afraid of anyone, myself included. But I caution you to be wary of the three remaining lesser mortal queens. While they may have bowed down to you today, they will not take kindly to the changes you want to make. Do not trust them."

"Can I trust you?"

"You would be wise not to," I answered truthfully. "I want the same things as you do, but I will always put the needs of the Night Court first. It is easy for you, you've laid claim to every Court and the entire mortal lands, so when you think of doing what's best for your people you are including everyone. That is a luxury I do not have."

"If every High Lord feels the same as you then we will accomplish nothing," she said, removing her crown to set on the glass table. "Again I am forced to question your desire to work toward a better world for your children and for the subjects that you say you have to put first."

"Careful, High Lady. I have given you a lot of leeway, but you are crossing a line. You have seen Velaris with your eyes – that is the vision I see for my realm and yours, but it took hundreds of years to become what it is now. And to protect it, I needed everyone to believe that I was a cruel and sadistic High Lord. I've done terrible things to keep my people safe – are you willing to go to those lengths to see your vision come to fruition?"

"I will not rule through fear." She rested back in her chair, and cleared her throat. "It was exceedingly difficult for you to break free from the dark persona you created for yourself. Once well-established, a charade like the one you carried out isn't easily forgiven or forgotten. The other High Lords and there Courts still do not trust you, and without trust there can be no peace."

"What Court do you intend to visit first?" I asked with a gnawing feeling in my gut that the first Court she visited would be her last.

"I will go to the Autumn Court first," she said with a determined nod.

Of course she didn't need to go to the Spring Court. With her sister being Tamlin's mate, she didn't have to worry that he would disagree with her plans for Prythian and the mortal lands. "You're going to your mate's Court first – that should be interesting. It would be wise if you did not mention your relationship with the High Lord's son when you speak to him. There is bad blood between them, and if you don't wish to be thrown out by your pointed ears before you even start enraging them with talk of being the High Lady of Prythian, you'll keep that information to yourself."

"You're asking me to lie to them?"

"I am asking you to protect yourself and Lucien by omitting that one small detail."

"I will keep that in mind," she said, staring down at the glittering crown on the table. "There is another task I need to do before I journey to the other Courts, and it is the reason I asked you to stay behind when the mortal queens left."

"I'm listening."

"Your mate turned Tamlin's sentries against him – I am going to bring them home. Every Court, including your own, needs the protection of its military forces, wouldn't you agree?"

"I have offered my protection to his Court," I said, and feeling as if the matter was settled I got to my feet. But the stern look she gave me, forced me to add, "They left of their own free will, Lili. If they didn't want to leave nothing Feyre said or did would have convinced them to go."

"If it's all the same to you, I will search these men out and see for myself if they are interested in returning to the Spring Court to serve Tamlin."

"If you were going to go find them regardless of whether or not I approve, why bother telling me about it?"

"I need Azriel to go with me, and seeing as how he is your general and spymaster, I am asking your permission to have him accompany me to their camp."

"You didn't feel the need to ask for my permission to have him escort you to this meeting – he has made his decision to serve you and I have accepted it." It hurt more than I cared to admit, but I wouldn't tell her that or him. "He is free to follow you wherever you go."

"He has not betrayed you, Rhysand," she said as she got to her feet. "He would fight and die for the Night Court – for you. This wasn't a declaration of his intent to abandon you or your Court. He knew that I needed him and he chose to be there for me, but his heart and soul will always belong in Velaris with you. Do not cast him aside or you will break his heart."

"In all the years we've known each other I have never had cause to question Azriel's loyalty to me – I don't wish to feel that way now, nonetheless, until he explains his actions to me I can only judge him on what I have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears."

"Then I ask you to listen to him and really hear what he is saying before you decide what to do about what happened today."

"I am not a ruthless overlord, Lili," I said as we headed toward out of the living room. "I planned to hear him out, and decided that all on my own without having to be told by you that it's the right thing to do."

"I think we will get along splendidly, High Lord," she said, casting a glance in my direction as we entered the dining area where Azriel, Amren, and Mor awaited us. "Azriel, your High Lord has graciously offered me your protection as I travel to the mountains just beyond the Spring Court border."

Azriel's shoulders sagged, sadness etched into every line and contour of his face as he looked to me in what could only be considered a silent plea for forgiveness. "We have decided to make you joint emissary for the Night Court and for the High Lady of the Court Without Borders," I informed him, not because of anything Lilianna said, but because I trusted him. He would never purposely harm me or anyone in the Inner Circle, and although he served the Night Court there had to come a point when he made decisions for himself and his future.

"You are accepting her as the High Lady of Prythian?" Mor asked, eyeing Lilianna before her eyes shifted to me.

"She has made it clear to me that she has no desire to rule Prythian or any of its Courts – it's an empty title, yet it's not one without risk. Nothing has changed – we will defend and protect the human lands as we promised after the war with Hybern."

"You trust her?" Amren asked.

"As you know, my trust is not easily gained – no, what we have is more of what I'd call an understanding. We want the same things for our people, and are tentatively working together to see our like goals accomplished," I explained, and Lilianna nodded in agreement. "Lili is hardheaded and stubborn – she feels as if it'll take mere weeks to bring about the changes she wants to see when we all know that isn't close to possible."

"She's young," Azriel said, pointing out the obvious. "Didn't we all have ambitious dreams of reshaping the world we live in at her age? We need to give her time to realize that change in Prythian comes slowly as it also does in the mortal lands."

"She wants to speak with Tamlin's former sentries to convince them to return to the Spring Court," I said, and Mor drew in a deep breath, breathing it out heavily, not liking the idea any better than I did. "If you go with her, I want you to remember who your High Lady is and all that she sacrificed to stop Hybern's forces."

"If you do not wish for me to go with her – I won't go. You are my High Lord, and I will always abide by your expressed wishes and commands," he vowed, sending an apologetic look Lilianna's way.

"I don't want you to go with her. I don't." If he went with her to speak to them and stood at her side as she explained everything Feyre did to turn them against Tamlin, I would never forgive him for it. "Lucien can go with her. He is her mate and also a member of the Spring Court. If he cannot convince them to leave the mountains and return home then nothing you say will change their minds."

He gave a curt nod and shifted slightly to face Lilianna. "I am sorry, Lili, but I agree with Rhys. I cannot be a part of something that would potentially hurt my High Lady. Like all of us, there is darkness within her, but she loves fiercely and would do anything – risk her life for those she cares about. I know she wronged him, but he did wrong, too. They both have their reasons and excuses for what they did to each other – if I stand at your side in this matter, it would be a betrayal of the people I love and care for, and I will not do that."

"You're right," she said with a gentle smile, resting a hand on his scarred arm. "I don't want you to ever feel as if you have to do anything I ask of you – especially not if you feel it would cause a rift within your family. Family is the most important thing to me – it's a gift, and although you aren't related by blood – you are related by something so deep and special, I am left in awe of the love I have witnessed within the Inner Circle. I will ask Lucien to travel with me to the border mountains to speak with Tamlin's former sentries."

"I ask that you be kind to Feyre when speaking to the sentries," I said, praying to the Cauldron that she would show as much grace and compassion for Feyre as she had with everyone else. "She is the love of my life, and she is a good person, maybe you don't think so but she is – without her I don't know what I would do."

"I know," she said, moving to stand in front of me. "If at all possible I will keep the events leading to their departure to myself, and if I cannot, I will not fall prey to painting her in a bad light. After all, I don't want to resurrect one Court just to have another crumble. My work would never be finished if that was the case."

"You are everything you claim to be and more," I whispered, bowing before her, and as I did Azriel, Amren, and Mor gracefully bowed as well. "Send word when you return from the mountains with Tamlin's sentries, and I will send my financial advisers to instruct you on a plan to help give your people better more prosperous lives."

"When the time is right, I want the Wall to be taken down," she said. "We will start with the portion of the Wall that borders Tamlin's lands and work our way down the line until it is gone for good. Our differing races should not dictate where we have to live." She looked to Mor and smiled. "Nor should we have to hide our sexual preferences. We love who we love, and that is the way it should be. It's a shame that everyone cannot die at least once so they could see everything so much more clearly – you always have a friend and ally in the mortal lands, Morrigan."

"And you will always have a friend – friends in the Night Court, High Lady," Mor whispered, eyes turning glassy.

She'd won over Azriel and now Mor, and I teetered on the edge of being won over myself. She was smart and clever, and knew exactly what to say to win over any audience, and I had to remind myself of the dangers of being sucked in by heartwarming speeches and declarations. Hybern, too, once told the people what they wanted to hear, and there were plenty of Fae who listened to him with devastating consequences. And although I'd seen the power her Higher Beings possessed, I didn't know anything about them or their long term goals. For all I knew they could be a hundred times worse than Hybern and Amarantha combined.

Those troubling thoughts followed me throughout the day as Mor, Amren, and I searched for the healers who had poisoned Clarissa. A search that turned out to be fruitless as everyone we questioned claimed her healers died during the battle. Their claims made sense as she would have taken her healers with her to the manor, leaving me with no proof that she wasn't pregnant. All I could do was hope the report from Wren would be enough to convince Tamlin she lied.

Later that evening after dinner when Feyre and I were alone in our bedroom, I told her everything about the meeting with the mortal queens and the search for the healers, and she listened without interrupting until I finished. "Do you trust her?" she asked as I massaged her back. "Can we trust her?"

"People trusted Hybern in the beginning as well – he spoke of a better world for our people and then once he rose to power he stole away the rights of humans and made them our slaves," I said as my fingers trailed along her spine to the small of her back. "She knows all of our secrets and that would make her a deadly adversary if she ever thought to use them against us. She's silver-tongued, drawing in everyone, including the Inner Circle. Not to mention that she has my ancestors' power, and as I don't know the true extent of those powers Lucien bestowed upon her, I have no way of determining how powerful she is, and that worries me."

"You're afraid she's going to turn your friends against you," she said, rolling over in bed to face me, and framed the side of my face with her hand. "It can't be done, Rhys. They love you too much to ever turn their backs on you or the Night Court." Her fingers wove into my hair as she leaned in and captured my lips in a lingering kiss. "If she becomes a threat to our lands or the humans lands we will deal with her the same way we dealt with Hybern. But not before that time comes – for now we will remain cautiously optimistic that the Wall will no longer be needed one day." She held my gaze as she went on to add, "I went to see Tamlin today." She opened her mind to me allowing me to see all that had been said between them, and let out a breathy sigh as I withdrew from her mind.

"Are you all right?" I whispered, lifting up off my pillows to carefully look over her body for any sign of bruises even though I had seen in her memories that he hadn't left his chair during their entire conversation. "It wasn't right that he brought up Clare Beddor. That was a low blow."

"Honestly, I feel relieved," she tentatively admitted. "I've witnessed his misery firsthand, and it didn't make me happy the way I imagined it would. He said what he had to say as did I, and the heavy weight I've been carrying for a while now has lifted off my chest. We'll never be friends again – neither of us wants that, but if you wanted to try to rekindle your friendship with him, I wouldn't stand in your way."

"I don't know if that would even be possible at this point. But I don't want to hate him anymore – I don't want to have to play at being the cruel High Lord in his presence…I want this alliance between our two Courts to work and perhaps someday when we look at each other we won't see an enemy standing in front of us. That would be good and it is my wish that it does happen."

XxXxXx

_Lucien_

Azriel dropped Lilianna off at the Spring Court and I scarcely had the change to be happy to see her before she whisked me away to the Border Mountains between the Autumn Court and the Spring Court to speak to Tamlin's old sentries. They had it tougher than most when they abandoned the Spring Court, but I couldn't say that I felt bad for them. Not a single Court allowed them entrance onto their lands – why would they? As former sentries for Tamlin other High Lords determined they could be spies, leaving them with nowhere else to go other than the mountains that neither Court laid claim to.

Within the rocky terrain of a narrow valley between twin peaks that were almost always lost within the clouds, they made their home in weather-worn tents. The males I once knew and considered friends sat huddle around five separate fires to keep warm against the harsh, cold wind blowing through their camp, and they had strung up pelts to dry around the perimeter to try to combat the strong gusts. I spied a few females within the haggard groups of males, and my golden eye whizzed as it detected more sentries and females inside the tents. Yet, the number of sentries I tallied in my head was far less than the number that had left the Spring Court. A sick feeling curdled in my stomach knowing I was partially to blame for how they'd ended up as outcasts. When I left with Feyre I hadn't considered how any of them would perceive my disappearance. They saw my departure as stark proof that Tamlin was every bit as cruel and wicked as Feyre worked so hard to make them believe he was, and I needed to do something to help them.

Bron noticed me first then his haunted brown eyes shifted to Lilianna dressed in emeralds and silk with a Spring crown woven into her hair, and he leaned over to whisper something to Hart. "Has Tamlin died," Bron rasped as he and Hart got to their feet to meet us halfway.

"No, he sent us to speak to you on his behalf," Lilianna said, weaving her fingers through mine. "He wants you to come home to once more fill the empty houses in the villages and cities that once belonged to you."

"And who are you?" Hart asked, scratching at the long, unkempt beard he had grown, likely to hide the hollowness of his cheeks.

"This is Lilianna," I said before she could respond. "My mate and the sister of Tamlin's mate." My voice carried on the stiff breeze, and within seconds everyone was whispering about the High Lord's mate. "We've come to bring all of you home."

"No," someone called out in a hoarse scratchy whisper, and peering through the smoke rising from the campfire, I spotted Darius slowly getting to his feet. "He allowed to Dagdan and Brannagh to badly injure Feyre to protect his alliance with Hybern. Ianthe admitted everything to us and Garrett witnessed the beating – he came forward days later and told us how they brutally beat her and she killed them before the two of you escaped." Lips pursed, he shook his head. "I will not return to the Spring Court to serve an evil High Lord."

"A show of hands of anyone who ever heard Ianthe admit to any wrongdoing before she openly admitted to everyone that she and Tamlin just stood by and watched Feyre being beaten half to death," I said, wondering how anyone could possibly believe the fabricated story Feyre mentally forced her to recite. Not one of them raised their hands, and yet they still clung to the belief that Ianthe suddenly grew a conscience and admitted to watching the supposed beating. "So you honestly believe that Tamlin just took a seat and watched Dagdan and Brannagh beat her bloody and broken, and yet she was still strong enough to kill both of them before winnowing away?" A murmur went through the crowd and some of the sentries nodded, Darius one of them, and the flaps of several of the tents opened, several pale, gaunt males stepped outside to see what all the commotion was about. "Feyre was a spy for the Night Court – she didn't care about any of you, and this is the life she left you to live when she rejoined her mate." I motioned to the rocky outcroppings and deep puddles of dirty water scattered around their camp and finally the mud splattered tents. "We made it so easy for her and that includes Tamlin. He fell right into her traps time and time again, and not wanting to kick him while he was already down, I kept what I suspected about her to myself. Like her mate, she has the ability to enter minds to control and manipulate anyone she needed to further her plans – don't live and die in squalor for a female who hasn't given any of you a single thought since she left to return to Rhysand."

"Feyre did not whip me," Darius countered, moving through the crowd to stand before us. "That was Tamlin – she tried to stop it, but he wouldn't listen. We were friends and he still refused to show mercy."

"She wanted him to whip you," Lilianna said, stepping forward to rest a hand on his filthy, tattered tunic. "I made a promise not to speak badly of her, but the truth is that she wanted Tamlin to whip you to turn you and the other sentries against him – and it worked. She thought to herself that if she asked for a knife to slit your throats, you'd willingly hand it over to her." She glanced around the camp and sighed. "This place – this disease ridden camp you call home, it is the knife she wielded against you and you will die here."

"How are you privy to her private thoughts?" Hart asked, studying her closely, and I noticed the knives sheath at his side and strapped around his thigh, along with the weapons each male and female wore to protect themselves.

"That isn't important," I said, worried that even in their weakened conditions I wouldn't be able to take them all on if they chose to attack us for speaking the truth about what Feyre had done.

"Well, I think it is," Bron interjected. "If you're trying to convince us that Tamlin was an innocent pawn in all of this, I would like to know how she came to have this intimate knowledge of what Feyre thought about us."

"I died," Lilianna stated calmly, "and when I was brought back my mind was blown wide open to see everything – past, present and future. I know that by the end of this conversation, you will abandon this place you've called home for the past few years and return to your real home at the Spring Court. And you won't do it for us or anything we've said, but because deep down you still remember that Tamlin is a good man. There isn't one person here that didn't think of him as a friend, and unless all of you are truly horrible judges of character, so much so in fact that you would willingly lay down your life for him, I would say that you know that we are speaking the truth."

"He did always go on patrol with us," Garrett said, and a few others agreed with him. "Whatever creature we were hunting, he'd always take the lead and that has kept me alive on more than one occasion."

"He brought us prime cuts of meat when we were short on food," one of the females said from the back of the crowd and other females murmured their agreement.

"And he always showed up for every holiday celebration," another female added, "and for those nights it almost seemed as if he was one of us. He'd get right up on the stage and play the fiddle with the band and dance along with us throughout the night."

"And he provided the food and wine for the parties," the first female spoke up again, and now along with the females some of the males were voicing their agreement with the truths they'd forgotten about their High Lord.

"He took in Fae from other Courts to keep them safe from Amarantha," Bron said, and anger coiled in my chest. They knew he wasn't evil and cruel the way Feyre painted him to be – he was a male who'd made some horrible mistakes, mistakes he'd paid dearly for, and it took hunger and sickness along with a visit from us to make them remember the High Lord who had protected and fed them – to remember the male they would've gladly given their lives to defend. "When we found a lesser faerie with his wings cut off at the border, Tamlin scooped him up and hefted him over his shoulder to take back to the manor to try to save him – he was from the Summer Court, but that didn't matter to Tamlin. He wanted to save him even though we knew he was going to die – that he'd lost too much blood to live." He let loose a heavy breath as he looked from Lilianna to me. "Tamlin and I were close and I considered him one of my best friends – that changed when we returned from our captivity Under the Mountain and his growing paranoia made it easy for us to fall for her deceptions."

"She played us for fools," Garrett said, waving a hand around at their makeshift village nestled within the narrow strip of land between the mountains. "And this is the life she left us with. No one would take us into their Court, and without any place to go our families have been dying off one by one since the day we left the Spring Court."

"That was never her intention," Lilianna said, looking from one male to the next and finally her eyes came to rest on Hart. "I'm sure she thought you'd be welcomed into other Courts if you ever left Tamlin's Court. But, the decision to leave was yours – she didn't hold a knife to your throats and force you to leave – you did that on your own. Did she mislead you and cause you to mistrust and hate your High Lord and friend – yes, she did. But not one of you can claim you didn't have many, many years' worth of knowledge pertaining to your High Lord, and as trained sentries who worked for the Spring Court at least one of you should have seen through her manipulations. I am sorry to have to say this, but you are all solely responsible for your sad misfortunes. And it would serve you right to live out the rest of your days in the hellhole you now call home, and yet we are here to bring you back to the Spring Court."

"Not one of us deserves his forgiveness," I said with a curt shake of my head. "We can't blame Feyre for our failure to fulfill the pledges we made to Tamlin – we were supposed to protect and serve the Spring Court and it crumbled on our watch. For that we deserve his hatred – he doesn't hate us and that says a lot about his character and even more about ours." I shrugged a shoulder. "I guess what I am saying is that if you do decided to return to the Spring Court, you need to do it for the right reasons and not just because you are hungry or sick as those two things were of your own making and well-deserved in my honest opinion."

"We should go, Lucien," Lilianna said as she knew just as I knew that they would find their way back to the Spring Court on their own. But before we winnowed home, she added, "I beg you not to think unfavorably of Feyre. She is young and is oftentimes led by emotions – there is not one of us who can say we haven't done something foolish and later regretted it when our emotions were heightened." She didn't need to add that they were living in these harsh conditions because they'd been led by strong emotions of hatred for a male who had tried his best to be a good High Lord. "She loves fiercely and that is both a blessing and a curse, and I sympathize with her. It is my hope that she will someday become a truly great High Lady – a High Lady that will bring people together instead of tearing them apart." She graced the males in the front row of the crowd with a warm smile, and their hardened expressions melted into cautious smiles. "It is never easy to turn the other cheek when someone harms you, but nothing will ever change for the better if we keep fighting and retaliating for the wrongs that have been committed against us. Forgive her and move forward to rebuild a Court no one can destroy ever again. Rebuild it stronger than ever and show all of Prythian that the Spring Court has been resurrected from the ashes, and those who once called it home will find their way back to the lives they once lived."

"Who are you?" Hart asked again with something akin to awe in his tone, and maybe it was because she was advocating for both Tamlin and Feyre which had never been done before. Or maybe he saw the same unadulterated goodness within her that everyone else saw when they looked upon her or heard her speak.

"I am High Queen of the Mortal Realm," she stated, and I sucked in a breath as she regally tilted her chin. "And High Lady of the Court Without Borders. But you may call me Lili, Hart." She looked to the others, and remarkably some of them got down on one knee while others bowed before her. "You may all call me Lili. I have no desire to be labeled with a titles – my only interest is the welfare of the common people. There will always be High Lords and Ladies ruling Prythian – they are not my concern…I want to work for you – I want to make changes that will benefit those who have never had a voice before. I will advocate for you and for any other Fae who has felt unjustly treated within the Court they reside. I am not afraid to go head to head with even the most powerful High Lord in Prythian if I believe someone has been treated unfairly. And in exchange for these vows I have made, I expect you to continue to serve your High Lord to the best of your ability."

She had promised them what every Fae and human wanted – to be treated fairly and with dignity, and she placed herself not above them but right alongside them, that was something no High Lord or Lady had ever done before, and they loved her for it. One by one the rest of the sentries and females dropped down on one knee before her.

"High Lady of Virtue," one of the females called out, and the others joined in. They reached out to her, and she wove her way through the crowd to touch their hands and speak to them about any concerns they had about returning to the Spring Court.

"High Lord," Hart said as he got to his feet, and it took me a moment to realize he was talking to me. "Your mate is exactly what our people needed, and I pray to the Cauldron she keeps her promises. We have long waited for someone who would speak on our behalf, yet I fear for her safety. The other Courts will not look favorably upon her calling herself High Lady. Nor will they take kindly to her interfering with how they treat their people." He held my gaze as he added, "I would strongly advise you to keep her away from your father's Court. He has already killed one female you loved and would not hesitate to do it again."

"I am not a High Lord of anything," I said, watching Lili as she stopped to talk to two females dressed in rags. She ripped off the emerald encrusted sleeves of her dress, and handed them the jewels to share with the other females. To another, she handed her crown, and as the female placed it atop her snarled hair, Lilianna nodded her approval, telling her she looked beautiful even through her face was covered in dirt and grime.

"High Lady of the People," Hart said, adding yet another title to her growing list, smiling appreciatively at Lilianna. "We will return to the Spring Court to serve our High Lord as she requested – she was right, I do remember that Tamlin was a good male and High Lord before Feyre came into his life."

"I will let Tamlin know that his sentries have decided to serve him once more," I said as Lilianna made her way over to us. "Are you ready to leave, High Lady?"

With a wicked grin, she laced her fingers through mine. "Only if you plan on taking me to the Starlight Pool."

"It's almost as if you were reading my mind." I lifted a brow. "Are you reading my mind?"

"No, but I will admit to wanting to touch and kiss every inch of your naked body." Her heated gaze lingered on me as Hart cleared his throat, a gentle reminder to her that we were not alone. She didn't care, pressing up on her toes to hungrily capture my lips in a kiss that held a promise of a steamy evening ahead of us.

Her luscious curves molded to mine as we winnowed to the Starlight Pool without so much as a goodbye to Hart, and I noted a picnic basket already awaiting our arrival set up on a blanket beside the pool. She pulled away from me and walked to the edge of the silvery water, and with space came clarity.

"How'd you do it?" I asked coming up behind her to wrap my arms around her waist. "They were practically worshipping you back there, and I can't think of one thing you said that would inspire that kind of devotion."

"Swim with me," she said instead of answering my question. "It feels like it's been forever since the last time we were here." She gently brushed her fingers against her lips, and sighed. "Our first kiss was right over there." She bobbed her head toward the other side of the pool where I had used my healing gifts to draw the water out of her lungs. "Of course the moment Azriel showed up you went into full-on panic mode, scrambling to your feet and denying you kissed me."

"Don't change the subject, Lili," I said, clearly recalling the how Azriel taunted me saying she was looking at him before she donned my shirt to hide her nakedness. "Did you use the power I gave you to turn them into your devoted acolytes?"

She shifted in my arms to face me, and a frown furrowed her forehead. "Is it so hard for you to believe that the people of Prythian want a champion – someone who will fight for them to assure they have better lives? You are a High Fae and Tamlin and Rhysand are High Lords – none of you have a clue what it is like to be considered common rabble. They are thought of as inferior, hence the use of the word _lesser_ when referring to those unfortunate enough to be born into the wrong families. Sentries are no different – they live to serve a High Lord. If you were one of them, you would have understood the need they have for a voice within the Court where they reside."

"Did you use your power on them?" I reiterated, stressing each word as I held her gaze.

"No, I did not," she gritted out pushing away from me, and with a mere thought her clothes vanished. "Go back to the woman you wanted as your mate, Lucien, as that is what you've wanted to do since the moment you realized I wasn't going to die."

"That's not true," I said as she turned her back on me to wade into the pool. "I love you – I've been in love with you since the day you threw dead fish at me at the lake." Quickly shedding my clothes, I followed her into the water, only to have her swim away from me. "I love you, Lilianna," I called out to her then dove under the water to swim after her. Catching hold of one of her shapely legs, I pulled her toward me, and wrapped my arms around her. Breaching the surface of the water, I crushed my lips to hers, teasing her mouth open to twine my tongue with her. My stomach muscles tightened as she moaned softly into my mouth. "Give it up – all of it, and run away with me," I whispered against her lips. "This life your Higher Beings are forcing upon you will end in your death, Lili. I know it will – be selfish for once and choose to defy them for the life we could have together."

"You want children, Lucien," she murmured, licking at the silvery water dripping onto her lips. "I see four children in our future, but only if I serve as High Queen of the Mortal Realm. If I chose to run away from the responsibilities they have bestowed upon me, we will never have any children and you would come to resent me for it."

"Four children?"

"Yes, three boys and one girl," she said, and my heart fluttered at the thought. "I want the future you spoke of – I want to build a home near this pool and travel with you, but those dreams have to wait until one of our sons or daughter is old enough to become king or queen of the mortal lands."

"Don't you mean High Lord or Lady of the mortal lands?" I said with a faint smile.

She nodded. "If that is what they prefer to be called then yes, they would be High Lord or Lady." Her lips found mine again and my body hardened in response. "And you will be High King and together we will make this world a better place for our children to live in."

"What about Tamlin? I can't leave him right now – he's in bad shape, and it would be wrong of me to abandon him. I've already done that once and refuse to do it again."

"You are going to stay in Prythian while I live on the other side of the Wall?"

I grazed my fingers along her cheek, and tucked my hand beneath her chin to tilt her head so she looked me in the eye. "Only until he's recovered from the post trauma of everything Clarissa did to him. I can't leave him – not right now…I promise we'll make it work."

Jaw quivering, she claimed my lips – claimed me, accepting that I had responsibilities and trusting that I would come home to her once Tamlin was on his feet again. "I'm going to have our castle built near the Wall – we can meet every day and spend our nights together," she whispered as the kiss ended. "But enough talk about things that can't be changed, Lucien. I've heard rumors that men from the Autumn Court are such masterful lovers their women never want to leave the bedroom. Is that true?"

"Would you care to find out if it's true?"

She lifted a brow suggestively as her fingers trailed down my back to the curve of my ass. "Why else would I be naked?"

A low growl rumbling in my throat, I lifted her into my arms then winnowed to the blanket. Gently setting her down, I stood and feasted my eyes upon every inch of her. Her body glistened with droplets of silvery water, and before I was through making love to her, I vowed I would lick away every drop, leaving her with no doubt that I loved her. Mine – she belonged to me as I belonged to her, and the way she looked at me, desire and lust mingling in her golden-brown eyes, almost made me forget that I was supposed to be a masterful lover.

"Are you planning to make love to me or would you prefer to stare at me all night?" she whispered with a teasing grin.

"Do I have to choose?" Dropping down to my knees, I traced my fingers along velvety skin of her inner thigh then lowered my head to trace my tongue along the path my fingers had taken. "Finger or tongue?" I whispered huskily, glancing up at her.

"Do I have to ch-oose?" she stammered, her voice trailing to a staggered moan as my finger delved into her heated core. Her hands fisted in the blanket as my finger slowly moved in and out of her, hips arching upward to greet each thrust of my finger.

"You are so damn beautiful…." I slid down beside her, and dipped my head to lick and nibble the peak of her breast before taking the nipple into my mouth. Her fingers wove into my hair as she moaned my name. My tongue grazed along her skin to her collarbone, tasting starlight on my tongue then I captured her lips in a hungry kiss, our tongues dancing around each other.

My fingers left her heated core and she whimpered in protest until I brought my finger to my mouth to taste the sweetness of her. Her eyes widened slightly as I slid my finger in slid and out of my mouth while holding her gaze.

"Tongue," she murmured huskily, lightly pushing on my shoulders to guide me downward to the juncture between her legs.

I licked and teased at her breasts then traveled lower to her stomach, taking my time to learn every inch of her body before my tongue delved into the sweet warmth of her. She was wild and beautiful writhing and thrusting her hips for me. Body trembling with the need for release, she cried out to me, and once again I slid to her side, and rolled her over on top of me. My heartbeat thundered in my ears as I buried myself inside of her, and her head fell back onto her shoulders, our fingers lacing as she rolled her hips and I thrust deep inside of her over and over again. Her breath caught in her throat, eyes pressing shut, and she cried out my name. That was my undoing, and with two more thrusts I joined her in wave after wave of unadulterated pleasure.

She collapsed onto my chest and her lips found mine once more, fingers lacing through my tangled hair. "I love you, Lucien," she whispered against my lips. "I will always love you…."

"You are everything to me, Lili," I murmured, framing her face in my hands. "If I ever lost you – may the Cauldron curse anyone who ever tries to tear us apart again."

"Don't say that, don't ever curse anyone. You've witnessed firsthand what the cursed silver collar did to Tamlin as well as what Amarantha did to your people."

"I meant what I said," I whispered hoarsely, brushing the hair out of her golden-brown eyes. She was already beautiful as a human, and now with the ethereal qualities of High Fae she was utterly resplendent both inside and out. "You have no idea the lengths I would have gone to so we could be together for eternity. I was ready to end my life to follow you to the Beyond if you died. That's how much I love you, and I wouldn't think twice about cursing anyone who stood in the way of us being together."

"Let's not talk about this anymore." She touched her fingers to my lips to keep me from objecting. "I want you to make love to me again – and perhaps again after that then we will spend the night in each other's arms underneath the starry sky."

"What if it rains?"

"Then you'll make love to me in the rain."

"That I can do." I grinned, and in one fluid movement, I rolled her over, came to rest on top of her, and buried myself deep inside of her.


	43. Chapter 43

**Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who have taken the time to share their thoughts with me in a review I'm sorry for the long delay, but I've been dealing with some medical issues and haven't felt up to writing. :)**

Chapter Forty Three

_Brie_

Two weeks – two excruciatingly long weeks had passed since Rhysand had brought me back to the townhouse and nothing had changed. From the reports I'd received from Azriel, Cassian, and Lucien, I learned that Tamlin still hadn't left the manor surrounded by deadly thorny vines. I wanted to go to him, but everyone expounded on why it wasn't a good idea, and they tried to keep me as busy as possible to keep my mind off my mate. I spent hours rereading the autopsy report Rhysand had left with me, trying to make sense of Wren's findings. Without Clarissa's healers to confirm that she was being poisoned and there was no baby, I needed to find something in the report to point at to prove that she was not pregnant when she died. If I couldn't prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt, he would always be left wondering if I killed his child when I took Clarissa's life. I was afraid – it was simple and complicated as that, and that was why I let them talk me into staying at the townhouse.

On the fifteenth day of my stay in Velaris, Rhysand took me to the home of Kalen and his mate and instructed me on how to undo the spell I'd woven into his dreams the night before Calanmai. I did as he said, weaving into Kalen's nightmares to carefully cut through the silvery strands tightly woven to lock him inside his head. Once the last strand snapped, I withdrew from his mind to wait for him to wake. Even though I hadn't intended to harm him, and he woke refreshed with no memory of any nightmares, his wife still glared at me, her hatred evident. I almost blurted out that his continual nightmare state was well-deserved after joining in with the Fae who tried to cause the humans at the bonfire to dance until their hearts wore out and they died.

Rhysand assured me Kalen was a good man, and although I had no doubt the people of Velaris thought he was, I firmly reminded him that so were the humans Kalen and the other Fae were torturing for their own amusement. "When those people returned home to their families, Kalen – who is a representative of your Court, was the villain of their stories," I said as we walked away from the modest dwelling where the Illyrian warrior lived with his mate. I chose not to mention how Feyre had made Tamlin the villain in her life story, but it was the point I was getting at. "Perhaps you should remind your people that what they do reflects upon you and to consider that the next time someone suggests harming those weaker than themselves."

"I will," he promised, tucking his hands into the pockets of jacket. "You should remember that as well, Dream Weaver. Kalen was defenseless against the nightmares you wove into his mind. Whether it was intentional or not you need to be more careful with powers you've been given."

"I want to go see my sister," I said, not feeling the need to respond to the same warning I'd heard often over the past two weeks. They meant well, but there was only so many times I felt I needed to reassure them I wouldn't misuse my power. "Azriel has offered to take me once he gets back from the Spring Court, but he said I would need to ask your permission first."

He seemed to consider it for a moment before giving a nod. "I'll let him know I have no problem with him accompanying you to the mortal lands."

Azriel never said anything but I could tell they had some sort of falling out, and now he was trying his damnedest to make amends. From Rhysand's somber expression, I could see that he was also struggling with their strained relationship. "He cares a great deal about you. Whatever you feel he has done, you need to forgive him. You're family – and as such, you have to find it within yourself to get over it, and if need be get over yourself. You may be High Lord, but that's only a title, and it doesn't give you the right to make him feel like he needs to beg for your forgiveness."

"I said he could take you, don't push your luck," he said, a low aggravated growl rumbling in his throat.

If I was more like Lilianna I would have pushed my luck, would have told him that friendships and family were more important than his ego and pride, but I wasn't like my sister, and chose to keep my mouth shut. We walked the rest of the way to the townhouse in silence, and I didn't press the issue with Azriel when he came to take me to see Lilianna. Maybe I should have told him that although I want to see my sister my true intention for the trip was to go home to my mate. Unsurprisingly, Lilianna wasn't fooled by my appearance in the mortal lands just beyond the Wall, and within a matter of minutes of our arrival, the three of us were heading to the manor.

Azriel didn't think it was a good idea and said as much several times before we arrived at the manor, and if it hadn't been for Lilianna's reassurances that this was the right thing to do, I would have buckled and went back to Velaris. And now as we stood just beyond the reach of the poisonous thorny vines snaking outward from the manor to stretch across the land in every direction, my shaky confidence that I could help Tamlin faltered, and I turned away from the home that should have been ours together if things had been different.

"What if I can't get through to him?" I whispered, a deep ache blossoming in my chest. I couldn't even get past the vines to see him so how was I supposed to make him realize he had a lot to live for? "Maybe Azriel is right. Maybe I should return to Velaris and wait a while longer to see if he –"

"No!" Lilianna cut me off, and circled to face me. "I know you're afraid, but if you can't get through to him, no one can. If the three of us concentrate our power on those vines we might be able to destroy them, and then you can go inside to speak to him."

I didn't know exactly what power she possessed, and yet it still frightened me. I loved my sister dearly, would do anything for her, but she'd changed so much since the day we crossed the Wall for the first time. She'd declared herself High Queen of the Mortal Lands and High Lady of Prythian, and from what I gleaned from Mor and Amren no one challenged her rule. Not even Rhysand. No, that wasn't quite true. One of the mortal queens challenged her rule and lost everything for her effort. Lilianna cursed the mortal queen with festering sores in front of the other queens and they buckled. She talked of peace and gained it through fear – that wasn't the Lilianna I knew.

"What is the true extent of your powers, Lili?" I asked, turning away from the venomous vines to look at her. Today she chose to wear a form-fitting black dress woven through with silvery thread, a crown of diamonds nestled in her upswept hair. The colors of the Night Court – the crown a gift from Rhysand and Feyre. She played the part well, a friend to every Court, and it made my skin crawl. Maybe I was overreacting, maybe I wanted things to go back to the way they were before she had a higher calling in life, when she was just my sister and that was enough for both of us. And yet I couldn't help but say, "I've heard the Higher Beings are all-powerful – if that is true, do you really need our help to destroy the vines?"

"I thought you wanted to help save him from himself." A shrug and then with a snap of her fingers, the vines withered and curled inward upon themselves, shriveling away to nothingness. She grasped hold of my hand and gave it a light squeeze. "Your happiness means everything to me, Brie. You deserve to be happy and so does Tamlin." She bobbed her headed toward the manor, the diamond crown glittering in the sunlight. "We've been through so much to get to this point, and I know it's not going to be easy, but you can do this. You can make him forget all the bad that's happened and start a new life together."

"What about Lucien? You love him and he loves you – I want you to be happy, too." I looked to Azriel and smiled then attention returned to her. "Release Azriel from whatever oath he swore to you, and let him be with his family and the woman he loves. It's where he belongs, and Lucien belongs at your side."

"I _am_ where I need to be," Azriel said, his honor and belief in the better world she promised keeping him from truly mending his friendship with Rhysand. "Your sister needs protection when she travels to the other Courts, more protection than Lucien can provide her. Rhysand has given his permission for me to escort her to meet with the other High Lords."

"Lucien has taken on the responsibility of rebuilding the Spring Court," Lilianna added, with a wistful sigh. "The sentries have returned and they are looking for him to lead them until Tamlin is well enough to return to his position as High Lord."

"That could take a long time," I pointed out, wondering if they had spoken of how long they would have to put their lives on hold while he took care of the Spring Court for Tamlin. "I know he feels as if he owes it to Tamlin to help rebuild the Spring Court," I shook my head, "he doesn't. He fought to free him from Clarissa – he's done enough. I'll speak to him on Tamlin's behalf, and make certain he understands that he is free to follow his heart."

"Tamlin is waiting for you," she said, having already made up her mind to wait however long it took for Lucien to finish working for the Spring Court.

I nodded, letting the matter go for the time being. Squaring my shoulders, I headed to the manor, pausing at the front door to look back at my sister and Azriel, but they were gone. Slowly counting to ten then twenty, I took a deep breath and pushed open the door. "Tamlin," I called out, taking a step inside the manor. After spending weeks at the townhouse in Velaris where there was always a bustle of activity, the silence of the utter manor set me on edge. Leaving the foyer behind, I walked into the dining room to find it empty. "Where are you, Tamlin?"

A low growl from close behind me, startled me, and I jumped. "What are you doing in my home?" I turned to find him stalking toward me, no recognition of me in his haunted green eyes. His upper lip flared, exposing sharpened fangs. "Who sent you? The Night Court? If so you can tell Feyre she won. Lucien is gone – everyone is gone." He laughed almost hysterically. "It'll all be over soon though…you've seen it right? Death has come to Prythian and no one will survive it."

"What do you mean when you say no one will survive?" I said, my gaze fleetingly traveled to his clawed nails. "Fire Night is over – you saved everyone by performing the ritual," I added, hoping it was the right thing to say. "Everyone, including the Night Court, is indebted to you, Tamlin."

"Who are you?"

My heart thudded painfully in my chest, and I almost lied. Almost pretended this was the first time we'd met. It would have been much easier than telling him the truth of what had happened to him. Rhysand was right. He needed to know about Clarissa. If not, he would forever have a gaping hole in his mind that would torment him relentlessly. "I didn't die, Tamlin. I was calling out to you on the battlefield, but you couldn't hear me. You thought I died, and it did something to your mind – shattered it." I reached out and tentatively took hold of his hand, mindful of his claws, and his eyes caught on the horrific scars on my hand and arm. "You are my mate, but more than that, you're the man I'm in love with. I love you, Tamlin."

"Brie," he said after a long pause, eyes narrowing on me, and I let loose the breath I was holding. "Feyre said you didn't die, but I didn't believe her – I couldn't believe her." His face paled, and I knew – I knew what he would say next. "My child…is Clarissa being held prisoner at the Night Court until the birth of my son?"

"She wasn't pregnant, Tam," I whispered, framing his handsome face in my hands. "She was being poisoned by her healers. The symptoms of whatever poisonous herbs she was ingesting mimicked those of pregnancy, and she –"

"Where is she?" he cut in, anger and suspicion sparking in his eyes. "Rhysand killed Clarissa and my child? He did – didn't he?"

"No," I shook my head, "she wasn't pregnant. They were killing her with poison – she was dying, Tamlin."

Pulling away from me, he turned his back on me. "How did she die?"

"I-I – she was taunting me," I uttered, swallowing hard against the hot bile rising in my throat. "She made it very clear she would never stop tormenting you…she wanted you to suffer, and I snapped. I don't even remember hitting her – I just wanted her gone." Tears blurring my vision, I stared down at my palms, imagining them slick with Clarissa's blood. "After everything she did to you, I wanted her dead. I wanted her to feel the pain you felt every time she hurt you." I circled to face him, and reached for his hand again, but he pulled it away from me. "She wasn't pregnant," I repeated, my voice seeming to echo in the emptiness of the dining room. "A healer performed a thorough autopsy on her body, I have the report. If you want me to, I can show it to you to prove I'm telling the truth."

"Who did the autopsy?" he asked suspiciously, and I inwardly cringed at the coldness in his tone. "A healer from the Night Court – someone loyal to Rhysand who lied and falsified the report to protect the High Lord from scrutiny?" As I opened my mouth to speak, he waved his hand dismissively. "It's my fault. I should've known better than to trust the cousin of my enemy. What a fool I was for falling in love with you when all-the-while you were conspiring with Rhysand to murder my child." Bobbing his head toward the foyer, he added, "Go tell him he's won – again. Tell him I will keep the secret of what the two of you did to my son as long as I never have to see either one of you again."

"I'm not leaving you," I whispered around the tight knot forming in my throat, tears rolling unabashedly down my cheeks. "I'm not going to allow horrible memories of Clarissa or the lies of her trusted healers to keep us apart any longer. I won't. I'm staying with you – my mate, the man I love." Squaring my shoulders, I gave curt nod. "I can weather the hatred you feel towards me right now while keeping hope alive for the both of us. We deserve to be happy, Tamlin, but I didn't return to you with grand expectations that it would be easy for you to get past the tortures that were inflicted upon your mind and body in a matter of days. There will be good days and very bad ones, and I will be by your side for all of them…and even if you never had another good day and the love you once felt for me dwindled to nothingness, I will not leave you."

"I will make your life a living hell," he growled, upper lip flaring once again to expose those deadly fangs of his. "There will come a point when you beg me to let you go, and I will not. I promise you will hate me, and you will have nowhere to escape to, no way out – is that what you want, little spy?"

Swallowing hard at the venom in his tone, I nodded. "You do not frighten me, High Lord. I can withstand anything as long as I am with you."

"Before I am finished with you, you'll beg for mercy – you will find none within me." Another threat, another warning to escape while I still had the chance. I didn't budge an inch and before my eyes he transformed into a terrifying beast. Still, I stood my ground. He grabbed hold of my arm, clawed nails digging into my skin, and yet for all his anger, he didn't pierce my flesh. "Are you afraid now, little spy?"

"I will never fear you and you would never harm me," I murmured, grazing the fingers of my free hand across his wolfish face. "You're hurting and lashing out at me – I can withstand it. I am not leaving you."

"As you wish," he growled, and within a heartbeat he winnowed us into a dark, damp cell made of earthen walls. Somewhere in the distance I heard water trickling, a low constant _drip, drip, drip_ that if listened to long enough would drive a person insane. "This dungeon hasn't been used to hold a prisoner since my father died," he stated, releasing his hold on my arm, and waved a hand at the metal bars trapping us inside the cell. "For the high crime of murdering a High Lord's son, you are sentenced to live out the rest of your days in this cell alone and forgotten."

"Tamlin, please…you can't –"

"There is no way in or out unless you are the High Lord of the Spring Court," he cut off my plea, smiling a wolfish, deranged smile. "Your cousin will never find you – no one will find you, and you will die as my son died." I opened my mouth to beg him to change his mind, to somehow convince him that I wasn't his enemy, he vanished before the first word slipped past my lips.


	44. Chapter 44

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Chapter Forty Four

_Lucien_

Lord Protector of the Spring Court – the title Rhysand had given me, and I wished I could have refused to accept it. It gave me the authority to overrule any decisions Tamlin made regarding the Spring Court and its people, and in his current mental state I knew it was necessary. Unlike my brothers, I never wanted to be High Lord, or for that matter, High King of the Mortal Realm, and yet the Spring Court had fallen under my care.

The sentries and their families returned home a day after Lilianna and I had gone to speak to them, and soon after we began to rebuild the barracks where a portion of the sentries would reside. Rhysand sent his best contractors to help us, and that meant keeping a close eye on them to make certain they didn't sabotage our efforts to build a safe structure. Again that responsibility landed squarely on my shoulders as did keeping the peace between the sentries and Rhysand's contractors.

After the first night no one asked or speculated about the poisonous vines and thorns surrounding the manor. They believed the story I told them about how Hybern's remaining followers cursed Tamlin for his part in their losing the war. The lie served two purposes – it kept them away from the manor and more importantly it garnered sympathy for him. The true story of how Clarissa had beaten and humiliated him at every turn, shattering his mind, would never be told. I let them believe I was working on a plan to save him, and that was true enough. During my trips to other Courts, I sought out information within their libraries on how to destroy the vines and thorns. As of yet, I hadn't found any useful spells, but I wouldn't stop searching until I found a way to get rid of them.

My responsibilities and the ones Lilianna took on as High Queen of the Mortal Realm left us with little time to be together. We tried to meet at the Wall as often as possible, and I tried not to get angry over the direction our lives had taken us. It was extremely difficult not to get angry. She hadn't shown up to see me once in the past three days, leaving me to wait all night for her, and catching sight of her walking toward me with Azriel in tow as I sat perched on a stone bench outside the barracks studying the blueprints for the building, was like a kick to the gut.

"Hey there, gorgeous," she greeted with a gentle smile. Her gaze traveled upward to take in the two-story stone building, and her smile widened appreciatively. "It's almost finished."

"Rhysand's contractors did a good job," Azriel said, tucking his wings tight behind his back as shadows seeped in and out through his body. "We have to leave soon, Lili," he added, a reminder that while I might have been her mate, she spent most of her time with him. "We can't be late for this meeting."

"Just give me five minutes," she said, taking a seat beside me on the bench, fingers lacing through mine. From the crushed velvet burgundy dress she wore, a crown of rubies nestled in her hair it didn't take much to realize she planned to visit the Autumn Court to meet with my father. She wouldn't tell me what she planned to say to him, and I wouldn't ask. That was how we kept from fighting on our short visits. Azriel nodded and headed inside the barracks to take a look around and inspect the construction work. "I've missed you, Lucien…."

"I've been at the Wall the past three nights, if you missed me so much, where were you?" I wanted to pick a fight. I wanted her to understand that our continued separation hurt me, and the few nights we spent together weren't enough for me. "I winnowed from the Summer Court to be at the Wall so we could spend time together. If you're not going to show up, the very least you could do is contact me through our mate bond. I know you are High Queen, but I have responsibilities, too."

"Did you convince more Fae to return to the Spring Court?" she said, choosing not to defend her actions.

"Twenty-three more families have agreed to return home," I said, blowing out a heavy breath. "Bron has been going with me, and with his help we've convince them that they were wrong to leave. And that means I have to arrange for their safe travel home and fix any damage to their dwellings before they return."

She glanced at the door to the barracks, counting down the minutes until she was free from the tedious talk with me about the rebuilding the Spring Court. "Can it be done on such short notice?"

"Rhysand's contractors are working on the repairs as we speak," I said, rubbing at my tired eye. I couldn't recall ever being as worn out as I felt now, and I couldn't blame it all on the work that consumed my days. "I sent Hart along with several other sentries to escort them home – they should arrive in a few days."

"Have you sent out hunters and men to work the crops – your people will need food when they arrive home. Those tasks are every bit as important as repairing their homes and rebuilding the barracks."

My golden eye whizzed as my russet eye narrowed on her. "Are you questioning my ability to run the Spring Court in Tamlin's absence?" Spying Azriel stepping outside the barrack, I added, "Why are you here, Lilianna? If you were here for me you would've sent Azriel away – you didn't so you must need something."

"While you were away we brought Brie home to stay with Tamlin," she said, confirming my suspicions and my chest tightened. "She should be fine, but could you keep an eye on her while I'm away."

"You left her alone with Tamlin, and you think she'll be fine?" I scrubbed a hand down my face. "How long has she been home?"

"Two days," she said, pushing to her feet. "You must've noticed that the poisonous vines and thorns are gone."

"I haven't been to the manor since I returned from the Summer Court," I admitted as Azriel headed toward us. "That's good news. When I finish up here, I'll go check on how they're doing." I stood and pulled her into my embrace, my lips capturing hers in a lingering kiss. "I love you, Lili," I murmured against her lips, pushing down the anger I felt at being only an afterthought in her life. It wouldn't last forever. I needed to follow Rhysand's lead and give her the freedom to make a difference in our world. Easier said than done. "When you get home, I want to marry you. I know it's a human tradition, but I –"

"Yes," she grinned, kissing me again, "Yes, I've been waiting to hear you say those words since the day I first met you at the Wall."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have to go, Lili," Azriel said, closing the distance between us to shake my hand then brushed a kiss against her cheek. "Congratulations to the both of you."

"If anything happens to her –"

"I'll protect her with my life," he vowed, resting his hand on the hilt of Truth Teller, and I wanted to tell him his famous sword wouldn't save him from me if she was harmed in the Autumn Court. I didn't, and after telling me she loved me, they clasped hands and vanished, leaving me to worry if I made the right decision to let her go to my father's Court where she would be seen as an enemy.

After she left, I couldn't concentrate on work, my mind racing with all the ways in which my father and brothers would torture her if they found out she was my mate. I gave up accomplishing any jobs that needed to be done and headed to the manor to see Tamlin. Unable to get inside the manor and not wanting to witness it being consumed by vines, I'd stayed away until now, and relief flood through me at the sight of pristine building in front of me. Brie must have gotten through to him, chasing away the madness he'd succumbed to when he thought she died.

Hastening my steps, I reached the front door and went inside. A smile pulled at my lips as I entered the dining room and found it in immaculate condition, no broken furniture or shattered glass to maneuver around. "Tamlin," I called out, know he would hear me from wherever he was inside the manor. It had been almost three weeks since the battle, but my eagerness to see him quickly turned to concern as he strolled into the dining room dressed in his finest clothes – the clothes he wore the night of Amarantha's masked ball. That might not have been so bad if he hadn't chosen to wear the golden jeweled mask as well. "Where's Brie, Tam?"

"Brie?" Confusion evident in his expression and tone, he added, "You aren't ready for the masked ball yet? I know you don't want to go, but Amarantha made it clear that you were to attend." We'd had this same conversation long ago when Amarantha was alive, and at the time he promised everything would be okay, but it wasn't. "It'll be okay, Lucien. We'll go early to make an appearance and leave before your father and brothers arrive. Hopefully that way we'll avoid seeing Rhysand as well."

"You didn't avoid seeing Rhysand that night," I said, closing the distance between us in a few long strides. "He decided to show up early as well, and the two of you argued." I lifted a hand and pulled off his mask. "You warned him not to trust Amarantha – you knew her better than anyone, and you tried to warn him and the other High Lords. No one from the other Courts would listen to you, and when it came time for the toast, not a single Fae from the Spring Court raised a glass and drank from the cursed wine. Without your suspicion that she was up to something, we wouldn't have had forty-nine years to break the curse – everyone including Rhysand would still be trapped Under the Mountain if it weren't for you."

"You've been drinking." He grabbed for the mask. I snapped it into two pieces before his fingers grasped onto the edges. "Why the hell did you do that? If I show up without a mask –"

"It's over, Tamlin," I cut in, glancing beyond him for any sign of Brie. When she didn't make an appearance, I listened for her, my metal eye whizzing as I tried to hone in on her location, to no avail. "Amarantha's been dead for several years. You killed her after she snapped Feyre's neck."

"Why are you lying?" Scrunching his eyes closed, he rubbed at his temples. "This morning you were helping me plan a way to get rid of Amarantha and now you're saying she's been dead for a years. That makes no sense."

"Where is Brie, Tamlin?" I stated as calmly as I could under the circumstances. "Lili brought her to stay with you two days ago – what did you do to her?"

"I don't know anyone named Brie." He sounded as if he really didn't know her and that terrified me. "Did you hire a new servant without asking me first?"

"She hasn't left the manor so she must still be here somewhere." Pushing past him, I raced up the stairs to search the bedrooms. Tamlin followed behind me at a slower pace, glancing into each empty room I checked. "Think, Tamlin!" I snapped, pausing at the door to his bedroom. "Your mate is in danger, and somewhere in that scrambled mind of yours, you know where she is. Help me find her before something bad happens to her."

"I don't know where she is," he said, throwing out his arms wide in frustration. "And I think I would remember if I had a mate." When I just stood staring at him, he reached around me and pushed open the bedroom door. My eyes gravitated to the tangled sheets on the bed then dipped lower to the blankets on the floor. "I had a nightmare last night," he explained, shutting the door. "Maybe she returned home to her family."

"What kind of nightmare?" I asked certain Brie had entered his mind while he was dreaming to convince him to free her from wherever she was trapped.

"It was dark as pitch and someone was crying – It was too dark to see anything and I couldn't find her…then it was quiet and I knew – I knew she died." He shrugged, a gesture at odds with the concern etched across his face. "It was just a nightmare."

I considered his dream for a long moment, tossing around ideas in my head of where Brie might be, and then it struck me. "Where's the entrance to the dungeon?"

"You're forgetting I sealed it shut after my father died – there would be no way for you or her to get in there."

"Do you trust me, Tamlin?" I asked, holding his gaze until he nodded. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but I led him back downstairs and once he was seated on the couch in the living room, I recounted the story of everything that had happened to him. Tears streamed down his face unchecked as he listened to what Clarissa and her men had done to him. My stomach churned, and I wished I could go on allowing him to live in the delusion that he'd never been her unwilling husband, but for Brie's sake he needed to know. "She didn't break you, Tam," I said, taking a seat beside him on the couch and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He flinched but didn't shrink away from me. "To the very end of her life you fought her control over your mind and body. She was a cruel and sadistic female, and you survived because you have more strength within you than any person I know."

"What if I'm too damaged to be the male my mate deserves?" Rubbing away the moisture in his eyes, he blew out a heavy breath. "While I was Clarissa's prisoner, Brie came to me in my dreams, and together we rebuilt the Spring Court…it was a beautiful dream, but the reality is that I am still the most hated Fae in all Prythian and the High Lord of an empty Court."

"It's not empty," I said with a faint smile. "Your sentries have returned along with a good number of families. "Twenty-three more families are on their way home from the Summer Court, and I have a good feeling that more will follow soon enough."

His eyes widened slightly, something akin to hope flickering with their green depths. "How did you –"

"Lili and I went to speak to the sentries and shared with them how Feyre manipulated all of us into destroying our home from within. Then with Bron's help, I traveled to other Courts to convince your people that they'd been misled into leaving." I paused to draw in a deep breath, slowly released it, and added, "Alis wanted an audience with you at your earliest convenience to apologize for leaving without thanking you for saving her and her nephews – I took the liberty of informing her that you would forget her much in the same way she forgot your kindness to her in her time of need."

"Was that wise to do?" Uncertainty – not a good trait for a High Lord to possess. "I have no wish to ever see Alis or her nephews again – she conspired with Feyre to bring about the fall of my Court, but if what you say is true, and my people are returning home, shouldn't I publicly forgive her. It would go a long way in showing everyone that I am not the monster Feyre made me out to be."

"That is for you to decide, High Lord," I said, knowing that in all likelihood we would have this entire conversation again many times over the course of the next few months. It wasn't something I looked forward to, not when it hurt him to hear about Clarissa, nonetheless if it snapped his mind into the present I would gladly take on the task. For now, though, I had to find Brie, and to do that I needed his help. "Where is Brie, Tam? Is she in the dungeon?"

"Brie!" He leapt up off the couch, and set to pacing, raking his hands through his hair. "I-I left her – what if my nightmare…she can't be dead, Lucien. She can't be…."

"Take me to her," I said, pushing up off the couch and moving to stand in front of him to stop him from pacing. "It's going to be okay, Tam. You have to trust me on this. Take me to the dungeon to free her."

"If she's –" He gave a curt nod, latched onto my arm, and together we winnowed to dungeon buried deep beneath the manor. We landed in a deep pool of icy water, magically trapped within the bars of the cell. "The water – I forgot my father drowned his enemies down here. How could I forget that? I killed her, Lucien…I killed her…."

"Brie?" I called out into the utter darkness, shirking free of his grasp on my arm. My metal eye whirred as I waded through the water toward a dark mass standing on what must have been a bed. "Answer me, Brie," I shouted, feeling some sort of creature swimming around my legs – no doubt poisonous.

"Lu-Lucien," she whispered, teeth chattering. "Th-there are things in the water. If you k-kill them they multiply."

"Good to know," I said, swimming to the bed. "Get rid of the creatures, Tam."

"Tamlin?" she whispered breathily, not quite believing he joined me in the rescue. He didn't respond, but the water began to rapidly drain away and the creatures vanished. "I'm not mad at you, Tam," she added as I reached her and scooped her up in my arms.

He was at my side within a blink of an eye, and gently gathered her into his arms, her arms circling his neck. "I'm so sorry, Brie."

"She's freezing," I said, spurring him into action, and I scarcely grasped hold of his arm before he winnowed us to his bedroom. He set her down and took several steps back away from her while I snatched the thick blanket off the ground and wrapped it around her trembling shoulders. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that his body heat would be the fastest way to warm her up, I kept my mouth shut.

"I'll go pour a hot bath," he said, rushing off before I could offer do to it.

"Are you okay?" I said, watching Tamlin enter the bathroom adjoining his master suite. Hearing the water running, my eyes returned to her. Still shivering uncontrollably, her normally rosy lips were tinged blue, face ashen. If she had stayed much longer in the dungeon, she would have frozen to death or as the water rose to fill the cell completely she would have drown. "Why did he lock you in the dungeon?"

"It wasn't his fault – I shouldn't have upset him," she whispered as if being locked in the dungeon was acceptable treatment from her mate. "You can't tell anyone about this, Lucien. Promise me you won't tell my sister or Rhysand."

"I can't promise –"

"Yes, you can!" she cut in, some of the color returning to her cheeks. "We did this to him – you and me. If he hadn't saved us the night of the masked ball, he wouldn't have been tortured by Clarissa. Without hesitation, he traded his life for ours, and now he needs our help and compassion while he tries to recover." Glancing at the bathroom doorway, she sighed. "He didn't want to hurt me, Lucien. I believe his intention was to keep me safe in the dungeon. You heard him say he forgot the cell filled with water to drown his father's enemies."

"All right," I said, praying to the Cauldron that she was right. "I'll keep what happened to you a secret, but you have to promise to tell me if he is acting strangely and you're worried for your own safety. I won't compromise on your safety, Brie. Understand?"

"Yes." Lower lip quivering, she nodded. She opened her mouth to say something more, but Tamlin chose that moment to return.

"Your bath is ready," he said, stepping aside to give her a wide berth, and I realized he had heard every word we had said. "I set out towels for you and a bathrobe. If you need anything else –"

"I only need you," she said, and closing the distance between them, she pressed up on her toes and brushed her lips against his. "And perhaps maybe you could wash my back?"

He swallowed audibly. "Are you sure you want me to?"

"Yes, m'lord, I most definitely want you to wash my back," she chuckled lightly before disappearing into the bathroom.

"I'm gonna –" he hitched a thumb toward the bathroom, "she wants me to –"

"Yeah, I heard what she said," I said, bobbing my head toward the door. "What the hell are you waiting for? If my mate asked me to wash her back I would've been naked and in the water before she finished speaking."

"Is this – okay?" he asked tentatively, the nerve in his cheek twitching. "I don't want her to feel like she has to –"

"It's more than okay," I said, crossing to where he stood and resting an arm on his shoulder. "She loves you, Tam. You've been through a horrible ordeal, not just with Clarissa but also with everything that transpired with Feyre – you deserve to be loved by someone who sees you for the good male you are. Brie loves you and you love her, and the rest of it will work itself out in time."

"Thank you, Lucien," he said with a faint smile.

"No," I shook my head, "I'm the one who should be thanking you. You've always been there for me, taking risks on my behalf that put your life in danger countless times – I can't think of a single person more deserving of my gratitude and admiration than you. I forgot that for a while…if I had any chance at all with my supposed mate, you had to be the villain of the story. Feyre set the rules concerning my time with Elain, but I blindly followed those rules so I could spend any small amount of time with Elain. I can't blame Feyre for that. I was so caught up in the idea of having a mate I forgot that you don't turn your back on your friends. Not ever. You needed a friend and I wasn't a good friend to you, not at all, and for that I am sorrier than you will ever know."

He drew in a deep breath, slowly exhaling as he contemplated my apology. "I've made so many terrible mistakes in my life, and for a while I thought befriending you was one of the worst decisions I ever made – it wasn't. No matter how the tale of the battle is spun – another victory for the Night Court I suppose…you saved me and you save Rhysand and Amren. You are a hero, Lucien, and heroes don't need to apologize for past mistakes."


	45. Chapter 45

**thanks for reading, and if you're enjoying please let me know. :)**

Chapter Forty Five

_Tamlin_

"However will you wash my back from all the way over there on the settee, m'lord?" Brie mused, referring to me as m'lord as she had the first day we met. The alluring scent of roses and sandalwood bubbling up from magical stones embedded in the marble of the in-ground bathtub, filled my nostrils, and a deep ache of longing spread through me. "Mmm…." Her eyes drifted shut as steam rose from the bubbling water. "Had I known you had a magical bubbling bathtub, I would've have snuck in here every night to relieve the aches in my body."

"The jeweled stones were a gift from Amarantha," I said, meeting her gaze briefly before ducking my head. "A long time ago when I visited Hybern with my father, I marveled at the pools they had for bathing – before I left, she gave them to me along with the promise that one day we would bathe together and make –" Shaking my head, I glanced up at her. "She never fooled me, Brie. I tried to warn the other High Lords about her, they didn't listen. I often wonder how different my life would be if they had. Maybe I never would have met Feyre, and if I never met her then maybe my friends and Court never would have turned against me."

"Are you still in love with her?" she asked, a frown pulling at her lips. A gentle smile replaced the frown as she looked up at me. "It's okay if you do have feelings for her."

"Like so many Fae, I was raised in a home where love wasn't real," I said, gathering my thoughts before I continued. "My parents were mates, and as is the case with all mates they were sexually bound to each other, but it was easy to see they didn't love each other. Sure, they tolerated each other – it wasn't love. I was raised in a loveless home so when I met Feyre I had no idea what it meant to be in love." Rubbing at the nape of my neck, I glanced up at her as she swam to the other end of the pool, and resting her arms on the edge of the marble rim, she perched her chin on her clasped hands, listening intently. "There was always a certain amount of coldness – a deep utter darkness within Feyre that I couldn't break through, and now looking back over every moment we spent together, it makes sense that she is a part of the Night. Perhaps it was because of how she was raised, but much like Rhysand, she is spiteful and cruel to those she doesn't care for. You need look no further than the Court of Nightmares for proof of the expendable Fae in their lives. That's not to say that all the Fae living under the mountain of the Night Court deserve compassion, but there must be some within those earthen walls worth saving – the slaves and those who are tortured endlessly by the more powerful Fae living there. Imagine living your life in fear of beatings, of being rape – and the potential visit of the cruel High Lord of Night. I can't even begin to comprehend how those poor bastards must have felt when he visited the Court of Nightmares, knowing – fearing that they might be chosen for his _entertainment_." I held her gaze a long moment. "And the thing that makes me the most certain that I could never truly love a female like Feyre is that she would go along with his so-called act of being a brutal High Lord."

"You want to free the slaves from the Court of Nightmares." It wasn't a question, and I could tell by her expression she was both fearful and hopeful at the thought of the undertaking. "They would never agree to it. It would mean war and right now we don't have the military strength to make any demands – you could lose everything you've just regained."

"I don't care. I lived the life of a slave for several months so I know how badly those people are suffering – I refuse to allow slavery to continue in Prythian."

"I will speak to my sister on behalf of the slaves of Prythian," she said, and as my brow furrowed in confusion, she added, "I'm guessing Lucien forgot to mention that the mortal queens made her High Queen of the Mortal Lands. If our request for the freeing of slaves is met with opposition, her military force might come in handy."

"Your sister – is High Queen?" I asked dumbfounded. When she nodded, I shook my head. "I will not fight alongside humans ever again. I'm sorry, Brie, but after everything that happened, I consider every last one of them my enemy."

"I thought you were going to wash my back," she said to change the subject likely hoping I would change my mind given time. I wouldn't. "I find it highly unfair that I am naked while you are fully clothed, m'lord."

"Are you sure you want me to bathe with you?" I asked, pushing up off the settee, wondering if given the chance she would change her mind and ask me to leave. "There are traditions with mates," I added as I removed my leather baldric, the Illyrian knives sheathed within it clanging together as I set it down on the settee. "In your cousin's Court, the female offers the male a meal she made with her own two hands as her acceptance of the mate bond. I suppose in other Courts it is that way as well, but not in the Spring Court." I unlaced the leather cording of my green tunic with silver thread woven through the material, and lifted it over my head. "Water is life and Spring renewed, and so we break with the meal tradition, and the female asks her mate to bathe with her. My father said it was to wash away the past while bathing in a new life with limitless possibilities – he called it Spring Eternal. I didn't understand what he meant by that until I felt the mate bond click into place, and I could breathe again. I started thinking about everything I wanted to share with you, and even on my darkest days, when I felt like giving up, thoughts of you made it possible for me to pick myself up off the ground. You are my mate, my High Lady – and you are most definitely Spring Eternal, and I will worship at your feet for the rest of my days for loving me in spite of all my failings."

Moisture glistening in her incredible blue eyes, her gaze traveled downward to my pants. "You'll have to remove your pants if you plan on bathing with me, High Lord."

"Your every wish is my command, High Lady," I said with a slight bow, and magically shedding my pants, I winnowed into the water, coming up behind her to wrap my arms around her stomach. "My mother told me that after she accepted my father as her mate, a new rose came into existence. Iridescent, it changed colors when you looked upon it from different angles, and I swear to you the stems are made of gold. I will take you to see them if you'd like."

"I'd like that, but right now I want to create our own unique roses," she murmured, turning in my arms to face me. Her hand slipped beneath the water to stroke my manhood into fullness, and I drew in a staggering breath, eyelids fluttering closed. "When we made love in our shared dream, I dreamed within the dream of this moment of truly feeling your skin against mine." Her lips found mine, her tongue gliding along my lips until they parted and the kiss deepened. Unbidden, Clarissa's face flashed before my eyes, and my body tensed. She pulled back and looked me in the eye. "We have forever, Tamlin," she whispered softly, her hands framing my face. "If you don't want –"

"I do," I murmured huskily, forcing Clarissa to the deepest niches of my mind. "I love you, Brie, and I want more than anything to be your mate in every sense of the word." Lifting her up out of the water, her glistening body slid down mine, and as I buried myself deep inside of her, she gasped, wrapping her legs around me. Our lips colliding as steam rose from our bodies, my hands slowly traveled a sensual path downward to her hips. "Lean backward, love," I whispered, and she obeyed, floating in the water, her glorious black hair spread out in a halo around her as I thrust deep inside of her. The bubbling water caressed her skin as she moaned my name, her breasts hardened peaks begging to be touched and nibbled. "I've imagined this moment so many times…so many times, and never once dared to believe we would make it to this point…."

She lifted up out of the water, water dripping from her hair, and she kissed me hungrily as our bodies molded perfectly together. "I love you, Tamlin," she rasped, riding me hard until she cried out and I roared, sending shockwaves trembling through the earth. Her breath came in ragged pants, face flushed from the heat we'd created. "Can we do that again – and often," she said between breaths, and a slow sensual smile pulling at her lips.

"Well, I do still need to wash you…."

"I'll wash you first," she whispered, desire once again igniting in her eyes. A glass bottle filled with soap appeared in my hand along with a washcloth. "Unless it is customary for the cloth to be between my hands and your skin, I would very much prefer to touch every inch of your body." Without the slightest hesitation, I dropped it into the bubbling, frothy water. "Hmmm…where should I begin?" she added, tapping at her lips with her index finger as I pulled the crystal stopper out of the bottle, releasing the spicy, fresh scent of the soap into the steamy air. "Maybe your backside or does m'lord prefer his hair washed first?"

"If you're asking for suggestions," I glanced downward, "I would say you should start below the water."

"You wish for me to wash your feet first?" she said, feigning innocence, but her saucy smile gave her away. "That wouldn't have been my first –"

A low growl rumbling in my throat, I dropped the bottle of soap, the glass vanishing before it hit the water, and I pulled her into my arms. The crush of my lips against hers silenced any protest she might make, and lifting her into my arms, I winnowed us into our bedroom. Laying her down in the bed, I stood in awe as I looked down at her gloriously naked body, my eyes lingering on the swell of her breasts then traveling lower. She boldly met my gaze as my eyes returned to her face, the question of why I stopped the mating ritual clearly evident in their deep blue depths.

"I'm fairly certain waiting for you to decide how to go about the washing of your mate would have been the death of me."

"Come to bed, mate," she chuckled, rolling her eyes before lifting up to greet me as I rested one knee on the bed, my hair falling forward as we kissed.

We made love again and this time I slowly explored her body, committing the every inch of her velvety skin to memory. My mouth and teeth traced and nibbled along the path my fingers had taken, tongue swirling around her navel before moving lower. Teeth scrapping along the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, my tongue delved into her heated core to taste her sweetness, and her hips thrust upward to greet me.

"Tamlin…."

A panted plea ending on a soft moan as she fisted her hands in the sheets. A finger replaced my mouth as my lips trailed upward to her breasts, teasing one nipple and then the other before drawing it into the warmth of my mouth. Her eyes held mine, pupils eclipsing the blue of her irises. Seeing the fathomless depths of her desire, I rolled over on my back and pulled her on top of me. Our fingers laced together, eyes never straying from each other as her hips rolled while I buried myself deep within her. There was something so profoundly intimate about looking into the eyes of the female I loved while making love to her, it drove me over the edge in a way that nothing had ever done before. Her breath caught in her throat, a cry of release staggering from her lips, and with one more thrust I roared her name as the ground rumbled and quaked.

The chandelier in the center of the room rattled, crystal teardrops clinking together while three pictures fell off the wall, glass shattering against the marbled floor. Brie grabbed for the antique clock on the bedside table, catching it right before it tumbled onto the floor. Setting it down squarely in the middle of the table, she giggled. "I would ask if I pleased you, m'lord, but the floor to ceiling cracks in the walls make me believe that you did."

"If you always plan on looking at me like you did when we made love, I guess we'll have to contract someone to build sturdier walls," I chuckled, gently pulling her down to rest beside me. Brushing my lips against her forehead, I wrapped an arm around her waist. "Tell me this is real and not just some delusion I made up to help me get through the day…."

"You're home, Tamlin," she whispered, framing the side of my face with her hand. "I promise you no one is ever going to keep us apart again."

"I hope you're right," I said even though I highly doubted that was true.

She smiled with a certainty that I definitely didn't feel in regards to the future. "I am."

No amount of wishing on my part would change the fact that her cousin was my enemy. He might pretend to go along with us being together, but as everyone knew, he was a consummate actor, becoming the good and caring High Lord just in time to claim the war with Hybern as a victory for the Night Court. Before that he was the cruel High Lord, killing and torturing at the whim of Amarantha.

After she drifted off into a deep sleep, assuming I had done the same, I slipped out of bed, washed up and dressed then went to find Lucien. At the sight of sentries stationed at the barracks, my stomach heaved. I knew them all by face and name, and yet seeing them now they felt like strangers. Lucien, at ease with their presence, worked on the roof of the barracks, nailing down metal shingles.

"Lucien," I called up to him, drawing the sentries' attention to me – their High Lord. Several of them bowed as a formality while a few openly stared at me, mouths agape. I didn't acknowledge any of them. While they might have returned of their own accord, they left me when I needed them the most, making it easy for Hybern's forces to overrun the Spring Court. That wasn't easily forgotten, and the trust I once freely placed in every one of them was shattered. "I need to speak to you."

His golden eye whirred and with a nod, he climbed down the ladder. As he walked toward me his gaze fell to each male, a warning to get back to work, and they hurried to do his bidding. "Where's Brie?" he asked as he approached, concern etching his brow.

"Sleeping," I said, motioning for him to follow me away from the sentries listening intently to our conversation.

"She's – unharmed," he asked the moment we were out of earshot of the barracks. "There was an earthquake earlier, and I –"

"We made love," I cut in before he could stumble over his words asking me if I left her buried in the rumble of the manor. "So in the future if there's an earthquake, feel free to share with everyone that their High Lord and Lady are fucking and to mind their own business."

"You're angry," he said, pausing in his steps at one of the reflecting pools along the path to the manor. "Did you have an argument with Brie afterwards?"

"No, I'm angry because there are false-faced males milling around the barracks. It's easy for you to work amongst them, giving out orders and chatting it up as if nothing has changed – you, then and now, are their leader." Glancing down at my reflection in the pool, I added, "I don't want to forgive them for abandoning the Spring Court, leaving it wide open for Hybern to overrun."

His hand rested on my shoulder in what he might consider a comforting gesture. "It'll take time to adjust and learn to trust them again."

Cringing, I shirked free of his light grasp. "Don't ever touch me again, Lucien," I gritted out, hands balling into tight fists. "Make it clear to every male that they risk their own lives if they ever touch me. Understand?"

His lips dipped into a frown as he nodded. "You should take the time you need to recover from your stay on mortal lands. I can manage the day to day running of the Spring Court while you spend time with Brie."

I tilted my head to look at him, eyes narrowing as I studied the whirl of his golden eye. "Are you ordering me to hand over the running of my Court to you?"

"It'll just be for a while – you need time to heal, and as your emissary, it's my job to look out for your best interests."

There was something he wasn't telling me. I could feel it to the very depths of my marrow. "And what title would you possess while I convalesce?"

Shoulders sagging, he chewed at his lower lip. "I don't need an extra title to look out for your best interests, Tam. You saved my life and I want to return the favor."

"I'll allow it – for now." I gave a curt nod, accepting his half-truth as an answer. "I want you to set up a meeting for me with the High Lord of the Night Court to take place in the Middle Lands as it is neutral territory. Just him and me – his Illyrian watchdogs and his bitch of a wife are to stay home. You are my emissary – make it sound flowery and pleasant when you deliver my request."

"Why do you want to meet with him?"

"We have many matters to discuss – don't worry, Lucien, I won't harm him. He is, after all, the most powerful High Lord in the history of Prythian."

"Maybe you should wait until –"

"No," I shook my head, "set up the meeting for the day after tomorrow. If Rhysand wants an alliance between our two Courts, he'll be there when the sun reaches its zenith in the sky."

He turned to face me fully, his one good eye searching my face for any signs of madness. From his heavy sigh, I took it that he didn't like what he saw. "I'll go with you to the meeting. Rhysand will agree to my presence as buffer between the two of you."

"That won't be necessary," I said in a tone meant to brook no argument. "Without his wife there to bare her claws, I'm certain we will both survive the encounter. Besides, if you go with me who will be here to oversee the day to day business of the Court?"

He winced and blew out another heavy breath. "Promise me you won't do or say anything to jeopardize the newly formed alliance between the Night and Spring Courts."

"If I promise to be as pleasant and cheery as a warm Spring day, will it set your mind at ease?"

"Not really," he grumbled, never once considering that Rhysand might be the one to jeopardize the alliance that was formed without my knowledge or consent. "I'll have an answer as to whether or not he agrees to meet with you by dinner."


	46. Chapter 46

**thanks for reading, and if you're enjoying please let me know. :)**

Chapter Forty Six

_Rhysand_

I couldn't say I wasn't surprised when a knock came at the front door of the townhouse and I opened it to find Lucien standing on the steps. He asked to speak to me alone about Tamlin, and after considering his request for a long moment, I invited him inside. I would have much preferred if he'd come to complain about Azriel's continued presence in their lives as it had plagued my mind often since the day he showed up with Lilianna at the chateau. On that matter I could be sympathetic while keeping my own feelings to myself.

Tamlin, on the other hand, was another matter entirely. Although Wren assured me Clarissa wasn't pregnant when Brie killed her during the battle, I still felt the need to distance myself from him and his recovery. In his current frame of mind he could easily make accusations in front of the wrong people, and with no body and only Wren's word that she wasn't carrying his child, the other Courts might be swayed into believing we covered up the murder of his son.

Lucien's golden eye whizzed as we strode through the house to the room that had been my office before we moved, no doubt searching the townhouse for Feyre and the rest of our family. "They've gone shopping for the baby," I supplied, glancing over my shoulder at him. "We'll be returning home at the end of the week so in the future if you need to speak to me, that is where you'll find me."

He didn't respond, not that I expected him to, and yet for some reason his silence set me on edge. Pushing open the door to what was now a library filled from floor to ceiling with vast collection of books from both the mortal and Fae Realm, I motioned for him to take a seat on the leather couch while I sat opposite of him on one of the two matching chairs.

"On Tamlin's behalf, I spoke to the Fae now residing in the Dawn Court," I spoke up again when he remained silent and stone-faced instead of telling me why he'd made the trip to the Night Court. "Every family has agreed to return to their homes in the Spring Court. Cassian and Mor will provide protection for them on the journey home."

"How did you get them to agree to return to the Spring Court?"

"Careful, Lucien," I warned, hearing the mistrust and accusation in his tone. "It was a very costly endeavor to persuade his people to return home so a little gratitude would be nice."

"I don't recall ever asking you to throw money at anyone to get them to come home, Rhysand. The poorest amongst them with be grateful to you – where do you think their loyalties will lie in the future. With Tamlin or with the High Lord that showered them with gold coins?"

I picked off a piece of imaginary lint from my black pants. "Or they could see it as the Night Court trying to make amends for the wrongs committed against their High Lord." I waved a hand dismissively. "Is he getting worse – is that why you're here?"

"I don't know," he admitted after a long pause, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I touched his shoulder and he warned me never to do it again – he said that any male who touched him risked his own life. He meant it and that worries me."

"With everything he has gone through, I would be surprised if he didn't feel that way," I said, recalling the horrible memories I'd seen when I slipped into his mind. "If you feel as if this is not a temporary problem, there are potions that would dull his memories – they would still be there, but cloudy. They would no longer be at the forefront of his mind influencing his every move."

"Would there be side effects?"

"I would have to speak to a healer to answer that question," I answered truthfully, but from the concern in his tone and from the way he didn't immediately turn down my suggestion, I knew Tamlin was in bad shape. "We don't need to decide anything right this moment. Azriel has informed me that the vines and thorns are gone, and now that his mate is with him, he could come around on his own. Give him a few weeks and if in that time his condition worsens, we'll revisit idea of medicating him."

"He wants to meet with you – alone," he said, lifting his head to look me in the eye. "He wouldn't say why, but he wants to meet with you the day after tomorrow at the Middle Lands."

"Should I be concerned?" I said, causally resting back against the cushioned backrest, a movement at odds with seriousness of the situation.

"You'd be a fool not to be."

And there it was, the truth stretching outward to fill the air around us with dread. Feyre's calming voice whispered down our mate bond asking me what was wrong. I quickly assured her I was fine in a teasing tone, but I wasn't even close to being fine. I was the most powerful High Lord ever created and a highly trained Illyrian warrior, but what most Fae seemed to forget was that Tamlin could easily crush me with his massive strength. If I fought fair against him, I would lose, and only Lucien seemed to realize that very real fact.

"When does he want to meet?"

"When the sun has reached its highest point in the sky."

"Clever, choosing a time when his powers are at their greatest while mine are at their weakest."

"In his frame of mind, I highly doubt he took that into consideration."

"I'll be there," I said after a lengthy pause. If for no other reason than to see for myself the threat he now represented, I needed to attend the meeting. "Feyre will be home soon," I added, rising to my feet as a clear indication that the discussion was over. "Under the circumstances, I don't think she'll be happy to see you so it would be for the best if you left."

"For what it's worth," he said as he got to his feet, "I believe you are trying your damnedest to help him, and hopefully someday he'll see that you are no longer his enemy."

XxXxXxXx

Not long after Lucien left, Feyre returned to the townhouse with Elain and Mor, the latter only staying long enough to drop several packages on the chair in the living room before hurrying away to join Cassian in making preparations for the journey to the Spring Court. Unaware of the tension in the room and of how Feyre kept a watchful eye on me, Elain went on and on about the clothes they bought for our son, making certain I saw every last outfit before she finally headed upstairs to freshen up for dinner.

"Out with it," Feyre said the moment the door upstairs clicked shut. "Something happened – you're upset and you're trying to keep it from me."

"I'm not trying to keep anything from you." With a gentle smile, I lowered the shields within my mind, and let her see the memory of my conversation with Lucien. Her anger surged through me as she listened to Lucien warn me that I should be concerned about meeting Tamlin, and she balked at the idea of him being stronger than me. "I have to go to this meeting, Feyre darling."

"No," Lips pursed, she shook her head, "no, we have done enough to help rebuild his Court. The debt has been paid." _And he is not stronger than you_, she added down our shared bond. "If you're worried about his mental state and what he might do then speak to a healer about the potions you spoke of – Lucien or Brie can slip the potion into his drinks or food to dull his wits so he won't be a threat to Prythian."

"Never once have I tried to stop you from doing what you felt you needed to do for our friends and family. No matter how dangerous or even reckless some of your actions have been, I always trusted in you. I'm asking you to do the same for me now."

"I trust you completely, Rhys." She got up from her seat on the couch, and moved to sit on my lap, her arms circling my neck. "It's him I don't trust. If he ever harmed you, I'd –"

"The sad truth is that he could forget all about this meeting before the time comes, and I will be left sitting alone," I said, and in all likelihood that could be the case. "But make no mistake about it, I will show up even if he doesn't."

"Then I'll go with you," she said with a determined tilt of her chin. "I don't care if he said he wants to meet with you alone, I'm going."

"No." I rested my hand on her expanding stomach, and our little boy kicked in response, bringing a smile to my face. "I need you to let me do this alone and trust that I will be fine."

"We will never truly be able to live our lives in peace while he is still breathing. There will always be something – some problem that he has caused directly or indirectly that we will have to take care of."

"Some Fae would say the same about us," I gently reminded as I lightly caressed her cheek. "I want this alliance to hold strong, Feyre. If that means meeting with Tamlin on his terms, I am more than prepared to do that. However – however, that does not mean I won't use every last bit of power at my disposal to protect myself if in his madness he attacks me."

"If he hurts you – if I find even a scratch from those claws of his on your body, I'll tear him to shreds," she warned and I believed her. She was fierce and uncompromising in protecting what was hers, and I almost pitied Tamlin for earning himself such a deadly enemy.

My lips brushed against hers in a feather-soft kiss. "He's our ally."

"No, he's your ally – maybe. I would much sooner trust Beron's honor and promises of a peaceful alliance than Tamlin's. Yet, for your sake, I hope he will not fail as miserably in this endeavor as he has done in everything else in his life."

"That is my hope as well."

We left it at that, and having agreed to disagree, that was the last we spoke of the meeting with Tamlin. Elain kept the conversation going at dinner, sharing the news she received from Azriel. Not surprising to either Feyre or myself, Beron was playing games with them. When they arrived at the Autumn Court, they were informed that he was away on business, and Eris made it clear that if they left before speaking to him, their meeting would be put on hold indefinitely. Eris went on to explain that it could be days or weeks before his High Lord could make time in his busy schedule to squeeze them in for a brief meeting.

I received nearly the same letter later that night with the added note that he had spoken to Lucien's mother – had seen for himself the bruises Beron left on her body as he no longer felt the need to hide his abusive treatment toward her. On our behalf, he offered her sanctuary in Velaris. I would have done the same, and yet she refused.

"He knows the truth about Lucien," Feyre said, rereading the letter as she paced back and forth in our bedroom. "What are the chances that he also knows that Lilianna is Lucien's mate?"

"He has spies just like we do – it's possible Beron could have discovered that she is his mate, and they are keeping her and Azriel there under false pretenses."

"We need to send for them – to make it clear they are in danger," she said, studying the letter again before taking a seat beside me on the bed. "Azriel doesn't know that Helion is Lucien's father. We kept that information to ourselves, and that secrecy could be the thing that gets them killed. Send Cassian to bring them home."

I was silent for a long moment as I spoke into Cassian's mind, sharing with him our concerns for Azriel and Lilianna's safety and ordering him to delay his trip to the Spring Court until after he retrieved them from the Autumn Court. His response came almost immediately, a promise that he wouldn't fail to bring them home unharmed.

"It's done," I informed her, and she sighed in relief. "With our shared knowledge of the truth, we could be reading more into his letter and getting worked up over nothing. If Azriel thought they were in immediate danger, he wouldn't have stayed. For now, we'll consider this a precautionary measure, and continue to keep this to ourselves until we find out for a fact that Beron knows Lucien isn't his son. Once the truth is out, it could cost many innocent Fae their lives so we have to be absolutely certain."

"Helion needs to know the truth about his son."

"It's no secret how badly Beron has treated Lucien – what you are suggesting could very well lead to another war. I wouldn't hesitate to go to war over the callous treatment of my son by another Court." I shook my head. "No, until his mother confirms that he is without a doubt Helion's son, we can't interfere. There are some similarities between the two of them, but if we are wrong, we would be directly responsible for ruining many lives."

"Then I will speak to her as one mother to another to learn who Lucien's true father is."

"Feyre, I don't –"

"I need to do this in the same way as you feel you need to attend the meeting with Tamlin," she cut in, fingers tracing along the sensitive spot on my wings. "When we learned of the possibility that Helion was Lucien's father, we left it unfinished all-the-while knowing that his mother was being abused by Beron. Everything she has endured from that moment onward, we allowed to happen. I have to right that wrong, Rhys. I would not be worthy of the title of High Lady otherwise."

"Your uncompromising bravery sometimes terrifies me." After a long pause, I nodded. "I don't know what good it will do – she's kept this secret for a long time for good reason, but if you believe you can persuade her into trusting you with the truth, I'll support you in your decision."

"And that is one of the many reasons why I love you so much…."

The following day went by in a flurry of activity. Cassian returned home with Azriel and Lilianna in tow just before dawn, and the latter of the two was fuming that we stepped in to possibly save them from a trap. Even after I explained the potential danger, and Azriel voiced his concerns about the situation, she refused to believe she couldn't sway Beron into falling in line with her plans for the new world she wanted to create. Fearless as ever, she wanted to return to the Autumn Court immediately, and it took Feyre hours to talk her into waiting until the threat had passed before making the trip again.

There was bravery such as my mate possessed, and then there was blind recklessness and the young queen possessed both in spades. Without strong guidance, which I feared Lucien could not handle himself, her reign as queen would come to a short and violent end. To appease her, I suggested Azriel take her to the Day Court to speak with Helion instead. My suggestion served my purposes as well. While there, Azriel would ferret out information as to whether or not Helion had any contact with Beron in recent months that might have resulted in the proof Beron needed that Lucien wasn't his son.

With new wardrobe acquired, clothing that resembled the attire worn in the Day Court, Azriel and Lilianna left shortly after dinner. Cassian and Mor headed out shortly after them to escort the High Fae and lesser faeries home to the Spring Court. Feyre spent the rest of the evening with Elian, trying to coax her out of the sudden mood she'd fallen under the moment Azriel left, and by the time she came to bed she was both mentally and physically exhausted. I held her all night, wrapped within the warm cocoon of my wings.

The next day I arrived at the castle in the Middle Lands well before noon to check for any possible signs of a trap. Other than the fact that the servants of the castle hadn't been made aware of our meeting, nothing raised my suspicions. As they quickly set about preparing for Tamlin's arrival, I wandered through the empty halls of the castle, and although I told them it wasn't necessary, the savory aroma of food being prepared soon wafted through the air. As it was a neutral meeting place for every High Lord, the gray stone walls were left unadorned out of fear of showing any partiality to one Court over another. I often joked that there was more color in a graveyard than the Middle Lands, and sadly it was true. Those who lived in these lands wore shades of muted gray, and much like the barren castle, their homes were left empty of color. Yet, not one of them seemed to mind their drab existence.

I returned to the meeting hall shortly before noon to find the table laden with bowls of exotic fruit, platters of various kinds of meat, steaming vegetables, and an array of delicious desserts, some of the latter I would bring home to Feyre. Some of the best cooks and bakers in Prythian resided in the Middle Lands, and I smiled at the thought of the look on her face when she sampled each pastry.

A half hour passed, the untouched food growing cold as I sat and waited for Tamlin. Then finally he arrived dressed in a casual loose-fitting white shirt and tan pants while I dressed in my best suit for the meeting. His disheveled golden hair fell in loose waves around his shoulders, a smudge of dirt on his right cheek. Honestly, if I didn't know he was a High Lord, I would have mistaken him for a commoner. Someone used to getting his hands dirty – which they were.

"My apologies," he said, taking a seat at the opposite end of the long table. His usual spot, the table in front of him scratched with claw marks he made in anger at one point or another. "I – forgot I called for this meeting. I was –" he waved a hand over himself, "planting vegetables."

"It's an important task," I said, resting back in my chair. For all he had endured over the past few months, he appeared unscathed. No scars marred his perfection complexion, and yet it only took one look into his green eyes to see the damage done to him. "If this meeting is keeping you from it, we can reschedule for a later date."

"No, that's unnecessary," he said, his attention catching on one of the pretty servant girls entering the hall. She made her way to the table to pour us each a glass of wine. He caught hold of her wrist, and I sat forward, ready to intervene. "That's not necessary – we can pour our own wine and serve ourselves lunch."

My eyes slid to the frightened girl then trailed downward to his hand on her wrist. His grip was loose, not threatening in the slightest, but like everyone else, she had heard the stories of the cruel High Lord of the Spring Court and she was terrified of upsetting him. "Let go of her wrist, Tamlin," I said in a casual tone. "I know it is not your intent, but you are scaring her."

His hand fell instantly away from her, coming to rest on his lap. Easily controlled – it was too easy. The other High Lords would run right over him if they ever learned of how easily he could be controlled. "I'm sorry," he uttered, a whipped dog in every sense of the word, and the girl gasped in surprise. "I just didn't –"

"Tamlin," my tone turning stern, and with one look from me, the girl scurried out of the hall. "You are forgetting who you are – you do not apologize to anyone. Ever. Is that clear?"

He was silent a long moment then he shook his head. "When I was Clarissa's slave – no, not her slave…her husband, she would make me serve dinner to her guests every night. They would spill food on the floor just to watch me get down on my hands and knees to clean it up. No one will ever serve me again, Rhysand. I made that vow every night while I lived there, and I will keep it for as long as I live."

Leaning forward in my seat, I rested my arms on the table and clasped my hands. "There is a profound difference between what you were forced to do for Clarissa's amusement and what that girl does to provide for her family. She is being paid well to provide a service as were the males and females that worked in your manor. There is nothing wrong in that – without this job her family could go hungry. Is that what you want?"

"N-no, it's not," he stammered, uncertainty filling his tone and expression.

I bobbed my head at the crystal decanter of wine. "Pour yourself a drink, Tamlin. It'll help calm your nerves." He obeyed as I knew he would. Like a small child, he now looked to others to make every decision for him, leading me to believe I made the right move in making Lucien Lord Protector of the Spring Court. _He's not a threat to anyone_, I whispered through Feyre's mind, knowing she would worry about me until I contacted her. _If I ask it of him, he'd step down and let Lucien manage the Spring Court. Perhaps that would be for the best, and yet I'm still hesitant to do so. _As I waited for her to respond, I used my power to fill his plate with food. "You look as if you haven't eaten in days if not longer – eat something and then we'll talk."

He dug the roasted chicken with his dirty hands, juice spilling down his chin. Feyre slipped into my mind at that moment and I allowed her to see through my eyes that her fears were unwarranted. _For the sake of the Fae of the Spring Court, convince him to let Lucien rule in his stead, _she whispered with a hint of sympathy for the male she once loved. _Wren is here for my monthly checkup, I'll speak to him about the potion you spoke of. I know you are struggling with this, but it is the most compassionate thing you can do for him under the circumstances. _

_Thank you, Feyre. _Always knowing exactly what I needed to hear at precisely the right moment was just another reason why I loved her so much. _ I'll be home by dinner._

She slipped out of my mind with a sensual brush against my shield, a promise of the night awaiting me when I returned to Velaris, and I couldn't help but smile. It faded away as I watched Tamlin devour everything on his plate as if he was afraid he wouldn't eat again for a long time.

"Lucien said you had something you'd like to discuss with me?" I prompted, motioning for him to wipe the chicken grease off his face. As he grasped hold of the napkin and scrubbed it across his face, I added, "It's okay if you don't remember why you called for this meeting, Tam. For now I think it's a good progress that we're sitting at the same table without threats of bloodshed coming from either of us."

"You know what I figured out during my captivity?" he said, casually tossing the napkin on the table. When I shook my head, he went on to say, "It's all a game, Rhys. All of it. Sometimes you win and sometimes, though rarely, I win. Or Hybern wins. And I'd be remised if I failed to mention Amarantha and Clarissa. They've won their fair share of times, but for someone to win there has to be a loser. If that's true, which I believe to my marrow it is, then the only smart move is not to play the game. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Are you saying you want to step down as High Lord of the Spring Court?"

"If only it was that easy," he laughed almost hysterically ending on a grin. "There is no one to take my place – I have no heirs or family."

"You could always appoint Lucien as Lord Protector of your Court to make decisions on your behalf," I said, hoping that if I planted the idea in his mind, he would follow my advice. "You've found your mate, Tamlin, and that is more valuable than any amount of power our kind possesses. If that is what you want, to be free of the game, then walk away. Retire to the countryside and spend your days with Brie."

"Lord Protector of the Spring Court," he repeated, scratching at his jaw. "It has a nice ring to it, but Lucien has no interest in ruling over any Court. He's made that fact very clear numerous times."

"Perhaps if we both spoke to him, made it sound as if it was only temporary, he'd consider it."

A pleasant smile lit up his face, but failed to reach the depths of his green eyes. "I'll take it under consideration."

"I want this alliance to work between our two Courts," I said as I poured myself a drink, taking a long swallow of the sweet liquid before I continued. "Your Court is vulnerable – it could fall under attack again unless we work together to strengthen your defenses."

"What would you suggest? At least a third of my sentries succumbed to sickness while they lived in the Border Mountains, and as of this moment I don't have the number of males I would need to rebuild my army. It would take years, Rhysand."

"That is why, for you, an alliance with the Night Court is so important. We could protect your borders and help train new sentries. In turn, you would pay their wages – they would be working for you not the Night Court."

"What do you stand to gain from this alliance? From where I sit, it sounds very one-sided."

"It is my hope to set up a trade route through your lands to the Mortal Realm," I stated simply, resting back in my seat once more. "All I'm asking for is free passage through your lands once Lilianna has opened up the border."

"That seems fair," he said after mulling it over for several long moments. "I will agree to it."

"Good," I said, holding his gaze, and surprisingly he didn't look away or lower his head as I expected. "Did you remember why you called this meeting?"

"I never forgot why I asked to meet with you," he said, straightening in his chair. "As I said before – it's all a game, Rhysand. Win or lose, you have to play, right?"

"You're going to have to explain yourself, Tamlin, as I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean."

Tapping at his temple, he grinned. "Brie balanced out the playing field. My beautiful, beautiful mate bestowed a gift upon me during the mating ritual – a small kernel of her power. I felt different after the ritual, but I thought at the time that it was how every male felt after his mate accepted him. Before we made love, I spoke to her of my desire to free every slave in Prythian, and she found my cause so worthy, she bestowed the power of keeping the mind from being invaded, upon me." He tapped his temple again. "You can't get inside my mind and shut me down any longer – go ahead, try."

"This was all an act?" I said, lips pressing into a thin line. "All of it – from the moment you walked in the door?"

"I learned from you, Rhys." In his chair, he mocked a bow, and my eyes narrowed on him, trying to find a way into his mind, to no avail. "Can't get in – can you?"

"You knew I'd already made Lucien Lord Protector, didn't you?" I said, instead of responding to his taunt.

"I only needed to hear you say it to confirm my suspicions." He smiled, lifting his glass as if to make a toast. "I haven't lost my mind – or at least I didn't lose it permanently."

"What do you want?"

"I want us to work together to end slavery in Prythian. Our fathers freed the humans, sending them back to their land a long time ago, but there are still slaves in almost every Court in Prythian. A trade route is a nice idea, but together we could achieve something great, Rhysand." He held my gaze his eyes startlingly clear with no trace of madness within them. "If what you've said about being Amarantha's slave is true then help me. I don't think it was a coincidence that we both were given a unique insight into the lives of those we have overlooked all these long years. We can make a difference in so many Faes' lives if we work together to put an end to it."

"You want me to free the slaves that dwell within the Court of Nightmares." It wasn't a question and yet he nodded in response. "It can't be done, Tamlin. My hold over the Fae living in the Hewn City is tenuous at best. If they saw me as anything other than the cruel and brutal High Lord, they would turn on me. Trust me – you don't want them to escape from their captivity in the Court of Nightmares. They would attack Velaris and then work their way outward from there."

"That's an excuse," he said, taking a long swallow of his wine. "Either you're the most powerful High Lord ever created or else you're a pathetically weak male at the whims and mercies of your subjects. Which is it?"

"It can't be done," I said again, wishing he had lost his mind as this quest of his would end up in massive bloodshed. "You saw the Darkbringers in the battle with Hybern. There are worse things under the mountain than them. You think you would be every slave's savior, but you're wrong. It is an ugly thing – slavery, but there is no way to abolish it completely in Prythian."

"You're wrong, Rhysand. There hasn't been a slave in the Spring Court since I became High Lord. Everyone was paid a fair wage for the work they did, and they never once feared their masters would beat them bloody if they failed to complete any given task by the end of the day – they never once feared they'd be raped by countless males." He let loose a heavy breath. "You have to stop picking and choosing who gets to have the benefit of your compassion, Rhys. If it sickened you even in the slightest to watch Fae being tortured for your entertainment – it needs to stop. That is a goal we should be trying our damnedest to achieve during our reign as High Lords."

"You're asking me to go to war with every Court including my own, Tamlin. You can't ask that of me – you can't. I have a child on the way and a mate to think of. I'm sorry, but the answer has to be no."

"No," he sighed, "I'm sorry. The battles will come, I promise you that much. I will raise an army of my own, and I will fight my way through every single Court until I reach your door. And the thing is that when Fae someday speak of the war to end all wars, you will be seen as the villain of the stories. I don't wish that upon you…I had hoped our shared experiences and the truth of what truly happened to your mother and sister would have put us squarely on the same side. But by continuing to condone slavery within your Court, you aren't just pretending to be evil – you are an evil person pretending to be a good male."

He winnowed away before I could once again defend my stance on his foolhardy mission to go to war with every Court within Prythian. It wasn't that I didn't agree with him – it just couldn't be done. Like the first war, this war he wanted to wage would last for years, killing many innocent people, and he would lose in the end. For his sake and Brie's, I needed to stop him before he got himself killed in the noble pursuit of a free Prythian.


	47. Chapter 47

**Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who took the time to review my story. :)**

Chapter Forty Seven

_Tamlin_

"How did the meeting go?" Lucien asked the second I stepped out into my mother's rose garden. His golden eye whirred, likely searching for hidden bruises. He touched his cheek. "You have dirt on your face and chicken grease on your shirt."

With a mere thought a sleeveless green tunic replaced the dirty shirt. "Not as well as I had hoped." I let loose a heavy breath. "We don't see eye to eye on how to go about making Prythian a better place to live for _all_ Fae not just a chosen few."

"Maybe you just need to take some time and really consider the benefits of the changes he wants to make – for example, opening up trade with the humans could be good for us as well."

I slowly counted to ten, and when that didn't help, I worked my way up to twenty. "Trade with the humans wasn't what we disagreed about, Lord Protector." Hearing the title Rhysand had given him pass my lips, the color leeched from his skin. "If our friendship is going to last – and I sincerely hope it does, be truthful with me from now on. If I ask you something, even if you think it's not what I want to hear, give me the courtesy of an honest answer. Okay?"

"I can do that." He pushed up from the stone bench he'd perched on. "Is that what you disagreed about – the title?"

"If I thought for even a second that you truly wanted such a lofty title on a permanent basis, it would be yours, Lucien." I shrugged a shoulder. "That said, you enjoy the freedom of roaming too much and that is why being my emissary works for you." I bobbed my head at the path meandering through the rose garden, and started forward at a leisurely pace. "It's amazes me how much I took for granted simple pleasures like walking freely in my own garden – I never allowed myself to think about such things when I was married to Clarissa. I kept my mind in the present, setting a shield in place around every good memory so they would remain untouched by the cruelty inflicted upon me every single day."

"You really are okay – aren't you?"

"I think so." I cast a sidelong glance at him. "My shared dreams with Brie help more than you could ever imagine. When she's with me in my dreams, there are no nightmares – no terrible flashbacks to rip me from my sleep. It's strange that within a single dream it can feel as if days and weeks and months have passed – we built a world of our own within those beautiful dreams, and that more than anything is helping me to become whole again."

"I wish –"

"What do you wish for?" I said when his voice trailed off abruptly. "It's all right to want something for yourself, Lucien. Brie told me you haven't spent much time with Lilianna – I don't want to be the reason why you aren't where you truly want to be. You'll still be my best friend even if you are living on the other side of the Wall."

"I made a vow to myself and to you that I would be here to help you regain everything that you lost." He looked my way and a faint smile pulled at his lips. "I'll be the first to admit it hasn't been easy – juggling my personal life and the rebuilding of the Spring Court, but when I looked – I mean really took the time to survey the damage Hybern's forces did to your lands and the homes they didn't use to house their generals, it made my decision easy." He paused to take a deep breath, slowly exhaling. "Rhysand informed me that every family that moved to the Dawn Court will be arriving home soon – they need to see me at your side. They, along with every other family and sentry that has returned, need to hear me pledge my loyalty and friendship to you – the High Lord of the Spring Court."

I stopped beneath one of many rose arbors arching over the path that led to my mother's favorite section of the garden. When the time was right, I planned on bring Brie to this spot to ask her to marry me. "During my time at Clarissa's castle, I learned firsthand what every slave endures on a daily basis – there are children born and raised in slavery in Prythian. It needs to end, Lucien. I wanted to believe Rhysand would take up this fight with me – he made it clear that he won't. The thing is he believes himself to be a good male as he looks out over all the happy smiling faces of those who live Velaris, but how can he be a good male if he turns a blind-eye to over half the population of his Court? The same can be said for the other High Lords, and it's a shame – I'm ashamed that it took Clarissa's brutal treatment of me to gain the courage to speak out against the injustices perpetrated against the weakest of our collective people."

"You asked him to free the servants of the Hewn City." Raking a hand through his hair, he let out a heavy breath. "I can't imagine why that didn't go over well," he added sarcastically. "What did you expect, Tam? His family gave up on the Court of Nightmares a long time ago, and then they built good place to live for their people. He wants to hold onto that, and I don't blame him for it."

"I highly doubt you would feel that way if you were one of the _servants_ living in the Hewn City," I gritted out, somewhat surprised he would defend Rhysand's callous disregard for the lives of the weakest of his people. "Your own mate has a strong, clear vision of a better world, and I seriously doubt that includes the enslavement of those who cannot defend themselves. When this war comes, and I promise you that it will, Lilianna will be firmly on the side of freedom for all."

"You have no allies," he pointed out, throwing his arms out wide in frustration. "You – we would lose…do you really want to see the Fae of your Court slaughtered by the rest of Prythian?"

"You don't know what it was like. I could share every memory of my time with Clarissa and her guards with you, and you still wouldn't have a glimmer of what it felt like to live your life as someone's property. It breaks you in ways you couldn't even fathom – breaks you in ways you didn't even think were possible and I swore to myself that if I ever regained my freedom, I would do something about it. So if I have to die, and chances are good that I will, it will be for something I truly believe in."

"If we are going to do this," he said after a weighty pause, "you will need to regain the full trust of your army. They were easily swayed by Feyre's subterfuge – that can't happen again. At one point they would have gladly given their lives for you, we need to remind them why they felt that way. And most importantly, they'll need to believe in this cause every bit as much as you do if not more."

"We?" I said with a lift of a brow. "Are you saying you'll –"

"I don't want to go to war – I don't, but you're not wrong. I witnessed firsthand how lesser faeries were treated within my father's Court – what they did to Jesminda…it never sat right with me that I ran away from my family and title after they brutally murdered her – they got away with it because to my father and everyone like him she was nothing – her life meant nothing. It was cowardly for me to run to your Court instead of staying and fighting against males like him and my brothers. That has always been my deepest regret, and maybe I am beginning to feel as if this war might be my chance to right that wrong and give her the justice she deserves."

"There are lessons learned in our failures," I said, scrubbing a hand down my face. "Would it be possible to bypass the High Lords entirely and turn the hearts and minds of their armies and citizens to our way of thinking on the matter?"

"You mean the way Feyre did when she returned to destroy the Spring Court," he said, precisely following my line of thought. "Feyre had time and the trust of the sentries from the onset making her task easier. Not to mention, she played the role of the docile victim to perfection." Tapping off each point he was making on his fingers, he lifted three fingers for me to see. "And let us not forget the power of a pretty face to sway any male into choosing the wrong path."

"What is the exact number of our military force?" I said as I set to walking again while he kept pace with me.

"Two hundred and thirty-four males," he said, brushing the hair out of his eyes. "A hundred and seventeen died in the Border Mountains along with seventy-two females and forty-three younglings."

"When the others return, we'll have a memorial for those who lost their lives in the mountains. Full honors – the bells will sound for each fallen male, and although it has never been done before, we will honor the females and younglings that died as well." I cast a glance in his direction, and my brows pulled together at his grim expression. "You don't agree?"

"The honoring of a fallen soldier is meant for those who lived and died protecting the Spring Court. I would not expect such an honor and neither would the sentries who fled when they should have stayed."

"I can't fault them for my own failure in not seeing Feyre as the threat she represented. They were causalities of the war with Hybern every bit as much as those males who died in battle – and we will honor them."

"I'll make the arrangements," he said with a curt nod.

XxXxXxXx

_Lucien_

After the conversation I had with Tamlin, I returned to Velaris once again to speak with Rhysand. Listening to him speak of his plans to liberate the slaves of Prythian, tore into an old, festering wound that had never quite healed, and I found myself wanting the future he spoke of, but freedom for all couldn't be achieved without a strong military force. Without allies, we wouldn't make it past the Autumn Court.

Feyre answered the door, looked me up and down then motioned for me to follow her into the dining room where Elain and Rhysand were seated at the table. She bobbed her head for me to take a seat opposite of Elain at the table, and as I sat a plate of roast beef and potatoes appeared in front of me.

"Has he changed his mind?" Rhysand said around a mouthful of roast beef, and Elian looked to me for an answer, concern evident in her golden brown eyes. Rhysand swallowed and washed the roast beef down with a gulp of wine. "I figured he informed you about our meeting, and I assured Feyre you would talk him out of this foolish endeavor of his."

"Actually," I said, pouring myself a glass of wine, "I agree with him and will fight alongside him to my death if that is what it takes to win this war."

"There is no war, Lucien," Feyre said, resting her hand atop Rhysand's. "Hybern's forces are gone – there is no threat, no enemy we need to ally against. Tamlin is a very troubled male, and you are not helping him by feeding into his insanity."

"What you just said – it sickens me," I said, looking from Rhysand to her. "When you make your obligatory trips to the Court of Nightmares, do you even look upon the faces of those who are tortured for the amusement of the crowd? Call them servants, call them anything you'd like if it makes you feel better about yourself, but the ugly truth is that by sitting there up on your thrones all smug and self-righteous, you are not only condoning the horrific treatment of weaker Fae – you are benefiting from it."

"That's enough," Rhysand growled, dishes rattling as the ground beneath our feet trembled. "You will not speak to the High Lady of –"

"I will speak freely and often on this topic, High Lord," I cut in knowing full-well there was no turning back now. "I failed to speak up before when I should have – when my father and brothers murdered the female I loved. She was low born and seen as not good enough – never good enough, and we, the glorious High Fae in our utter arrogance felt the need to crush them beneath our feet at every turn. I'm not foolish enough to believe we'll win this war." I sighed and shrugged a shoulder. "We will be cut down and left for dead in the battlefield to be picked apart by the birds, and I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is your refusal to see that the High Fae and High Lords of Prythian have never changed their ways, they simply found a new crop of slaves to replace the ones they freed."

"For as long as I've been alive," Elain spoke up as Rhysand and Feyre silently whispered to each other through their shared mate bond, "humans have hated and feared the Fae as a direct result of the slavery of our people. Do the lesser faeries feel the same way, Lucien?"

"If they weren't terrified to voice their hatred of us, I believe they would admit how much they loath us."

"I would like to hear what they have to say – to make up my own mind about the necessity of another war," she said, a faint smile of encouragement pulling at the corners of her lips. "We did not hate the Fae without good reason, Feyre, and I cannot in good conscience pretend his words have no merit. I, myself, have never traveled to the Hewn City, but I have seen how the two of you dress in darkness whenever you go there – how you become darkness personified, and I'm afraid that leads me to believe he speaks the truth about the horrors perpetrated beneath the Golden Jewel that is Velaris."

"If it is not everything I say it is and more then take her there to see for herself how wrong I am," I said, eliciting another ground-trembling growl from Rhysand.

"Even if I agreed that Tamlin isn't wrong about the horrid conditions the lesser faeries are forced to endure, it changes nothing," Rhysand said. "My own military force wouldn't fight to free the males and females that serve them. You would gain nothing by having us as your allies as we would be too busy battling our own Court – Velaris would fall, and I cannot allow that to happen no matter how sympathetic I may be to your cause…."

"If war comes to Prythian," Feyre said as Rhysand's voice trailed off, "we will remain neutral, and if we are called upon to help we will not send any aid to the other Courts if Tamlin's forces are prevailing. That is the most we can offer you at this time, Lucien."

"I will inform Cassian he is to stay in the Spring Court to train Tamlin's sentries to fight like Illyrian warriors," Rhysand added even though we both knew it wouldn't be enough to assure any victories. "I wish I could give you the answer you were hoping for when you made the trip here, but I have to think of my family and the Fae living in Velaris."

"And if we make it as far as Velaris – what then, High Lord?"

"You won't make it to Velaris," he said, and to his credit he didn't seem happy about our impending failure to win the war.

With a curt nod, I pushed back my chair and got to my feet. "For what it's worth, I understand your reasons for not choosing the right side in this matter, but it forces me to wonder if you'll be able to live with your decision once the war is over and the Spring Court and its people are only a memory."

Without waiting for either Feyre or Rhysand to respond, I turned on my heel, and strode to the front door, making it all the way to the gate before Elain called out to me. "I know it doesn't matter what I think," she said, running down the walkway to catch up to me, her dress swishing back and forth behind her, "but I believe you are on the right side in this ugliness, Lucien. To Feyre and Rhysand, I am nothing more than a pretty, empty-headed little girl who is content to while away my days in the garden. They've never once asked for my opinion on any relevant matter – I believe slavery in any form is wrong." She glanced over her shoulder at the townhouse then looked to me, eyes sparkling like amber jewels. "When this war comes, I don't want to be on the wrong side of it. I don't want to sit inside this townhouse while you are fighting on the battlefields for what I believe is a very worthy cause. Take me with you – I'm not foolish or brave enough to fight in any battles, but when the time comes I can tend to the wounded and bring comfort to the dying – take me with you, Lucien."

"Feyre and Rhysand would –"

"They've made their decision and I've made mine. Feyre is my sister and I love her dearly, but I can't – no, I refuse to allow her to keep making decisions about my life."

"Elain…." Feyre called out from the doorway, Rhysand coming up from behind her to wrap his arms around her stomach. "Your dinner's getting cold," she added to put an end to our conversation.

"Please, Lucien," Elian whispered, fingers lacing through mine. Her eyes locked on mine, and for the first time within their golden brown depths I saw the same kind of determination and strength that I had often witnessed in Feyre's eyes. "Please…."

Holding her gaze, I gave a subtle nod, and before Feyre or Rhysand realized what that small gesture meant, we winnowed away from Velaris.

XxXxXxXx

_Rhysand_

"Elain!" Feyre shouted, running to the end of the path leading to the gate. She whipped around and glared at me. "We have to go after them! Tamlin sent him here to kidnap her so we'll buckle to his demands – why are you just standing there?"

"You heard what she said – we both did," I said, closing the distance between us. "This was her choice, Feyre. You don't have to like it, but you do have to let her live her own life."

"No," she shook her head emphatically, "She is not like me or Nesta – she doesn't have the stomach for war and the sight of males with their stomachs sliced open, guts hanging out. This is not her fight, and I want you to bring her home. Now!"

"And if I do bring her back, then what? If this is really what she wants to do, she'll just find a way to leave again."

"We'll post guards to stay with her at all times until she gets this foolish notion out of her head."

"You can't keep her here against her will. She'll come to hate you for it."

"Don't do that," she snapped, backing away from me a step to look up into my eyes. "This is not even remotely similar to what Tamlin did to me. I'm trying to keep my sister safe from a war that will end up getting her killed."

"That is her choice to make, not yours or Nesta's." Framing her face in my hands, I brushed my lips against hers. Her head jerked backward and she slapped my hands away from her face. "You're angry, I get it. She acted impulsively and if we give her time she might realize she doesn't have the stomach for war and come home, but if we race after her and snatch her away from the Spring Court, we'll be doing more harm than good. She'll dig her heels in, fighting us every inch of the way. Let her go, Feyre."

"I can't." Lips pressed together, she shook her head again. "Of the three of us, she is the only one of us that is truly good, and I won't see her life snuffed out by a senseless war."

"It's not senseless," I said, earning myself another glare. "If I didn't have you or our family and the Fae of Velaris to think of, I would gladly take up arms for the complete and irrevocable freedom for all the people of Prythian. I fought to free the humans in the first war, and I believed with all my heart that it was a worthy cause – we freed them and the lesser faeries took their place. No one speaks of it – no one cares enough to mention that we as a people turned the weakest amongst us into slaves. We prettied up the name, calling them servants, but there isn't a night that goes by where someone isn't beaten bloody or raped. I'm sorry, Feyre, but in truth I am proud of your sister for taking a stand."

"She's not a warrior, Rhys," she reminded me, anger burning bright in her eyes. "You go into battles knowing what to expect and you're trained to fight off any enemy, the same cannot be said for Elian. For most of the war with Hybern she stayed hidden in a tent far away from the battlefield. You said it yourself – Tamlin's army will fall long before he reaches Velaris, and when that happens Elian will either be killed outright or she'll be delivered into the hands of his enemies."

"I won't let either of those things happen," I promised, pulling her into my embrace. "If his army falls, I will winnow in to save her before his enemies harm her. You have to trust me. I would never let anyone harm your family."

"I do trust you," she whispered, resting her head against my chest.

"Tamlin could send her back the moment he sees her," I murmured, kissing the top of her head. "He isn't any fonder of your sisters than you are of him."

"If he's smart, that's exactly what he'll do."

XxXxXxX

_Tamlin_

Brie and I had just finished dinner when Lucien strolled into the dining room with none other than Feyre's sister in tow. It took me several moments to recall which one she was, and then it came to me. Elain – the frightened doe-eyed sister Feyre and Nesta protectively fawned over. The female Lucien once believed to his mate, and the reason he abandoned the Spring Court to follow Feyre to the Night Court.

"Elian," Brie greeted with a warm smile, motioning for her and Lucien to take a seat at the table. Her eyes slid to me, and down our shared mate bond she whispered for me to smile before I frightened the poor girl to death. "It's nice to see you again."

"Are you out of your mind, Lucien?" I said as he settled into his seat, Elain taking the seat beside him. "Take her home now before someone realizes she missing."

"I'm not leaving," Elain said, cutting Lucien off as he opened his mouth to speak. "Lucien told me about your plan to free the slaves of Prythian – I want to help."

"It's a nice offer, but I'm afraid you're not the Illyrian warriors I was hoping for," I said, scrubbing a hand down my face. "Take her home, Lucien."

"Why do you want to help?" Brie said, encouraging her when everyone in the room knew Elain being here would end with Rhysand and Feyre storming into the manor to retrieve her.

"Slavery in any form is an evil that cannot be tolerated," she said, clearing her throat. "The war with Hybern was not my war, not like it was for the Fae of Prythian. Nesta and I, we were forced into that war and I had little to no say in any of it. But this war – this revolution is different, and I feel it deep down in my bones that I need to be a part of it." She glanced at Lucien for support and he bobbed his head for her to continue. "I'm not a warrior like my sister, I don't want to be, but I am a seer. If you let me stay – let me help your cause, I could use my gifts to guide you in battle."

"She was raised hearing the same stories about slavery in Prythian as I was," Brie said when Elian fell silent awaiting my decision. "The wrongness of it is deeply ingrained within us," she added and Elain nodded in agreement. "If this is really what you want to do, we would gladly accept any help you can give us."

Elain looked to me, the High Lord, for an answer. "If my High Lady believes you can be of service in this war then you already have your answer."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Lucien rested his forearms on the table and clasped his hands. "We're already talking about war when we haven't even tried to speak to the other High Lords yet. This doesn't have to end in war if they are open to the idea of change. Even my father fought in the war to end human slavery so he must have a shred of sympathy for those who suffer on a daily basis in the Autumn Court."

"Your father's Court is one of the worst offenders when it comes to the treatment of the lesser faeries," I reminded him. "And Eris will be no different when he becomes High Lord some day. They believe it is their Cauldron given right to rule with harsh cruelty – how many Fae die from beatings in his Court each year?"

"I wouldn't know the exact number," he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I haven't lived there in a long time, but I would estimate the number to be relatively high."

"And the Court of Nightmares – how many Fae are slaughtered weekly for entertainment purposes?" I added to prove my point, and Elian gasped at the thought of what went on below Velaris.

"I couldn't say as I've never been there." He shrugged a shoulder. "I get your point, Tam, but we still have to try to give them a chance to change on their own. Through the art of diplomacy we could change the lives of many Fae without the need for war. We will not back down, I promise you that, but if we can avoid war while still freeing every Fae in Prythian, I think we should give it a shot."

"I asked Rhysand to free the weakest of Fae living within the Hewn City and he refused," I said, lifting my glass to take a long swallow of wine. "Out of all of them, I would have considered him the most likely to agree to put an end to slavery – I understand his reasoning, I really do, but it doesn't diminish the fact that if he can't be swayed into making this change for the better than no other High Lord will."

"Lucien has a valid point," Brie spoke up, looking to me before she continued. "We should do everything within our power to avoid war, making the use of military force as a last resort after all efforts of diplomacy has failed. Until that point comes we lead by example, showing Prythian that just like our own Court they can survive without the use of slave labor."

"Do you agree as well, Elian?" I said, taking into consideration what both Lucien and Brie had to say on the matter.

"I don't like war – the utter brutality of it and the terrible loss of lives," she said after a lengthy pause likely surprised I asked her opinion on the matter at hand. "I stayed at the war camps during the battles with Hybern, and saw for myself the utter devastation each battle brought to our forces. The air was so heavy with blood, I could taste it on my mouth, and at night I heard the males crying out as healers worked tireless to stitch together horrible wounds. It is not a pleasant thing – war, but sometimes it is absolutely necessary to right the inexcusable wrongs that have been committed against humanity. If Rhysand will not agree to fight for this worthy cause – if Feyre will not speak out against slavery then I do not see how anyone else will listen to what we have to say…yet, with that being said, I feel as if we must give them the opportunity to change the way they run their Courts."

"All right." I gave a curt nod. "Although I don't feel as if it will do any good, we will exhaust every effort to avoid going to war." Swallowing down the rest of my wine, I set the glass on the table. "The first thing we need to do is make the lesser faeries aware of our stance on the cruel and brutal treatment they have endure – they are not alone in this struggle any longer. The Spring Court will open its borders to any Fae fleeing his or her master and grant them sanctuary."

"Even if their lives are in imminent danger, they won't come to the Spring Court," Lucien said, letting loose a heavy breath. "Feyre and the Fae of your own Court did their job of tarnishing your name and reputation too well for anyone to think of you of a friend. They would likely consider it a trap."

"Any suggestions on how to remedy that situation?"

Having no better idea on how to prove to everyone that I wasn't a crazed beast than I did, the three of them sat in mute silence. Then Elain cleared her throat again. "After the war with Hybern, it is well known that I am Feyre's sister – If I were to accompany your entourage to each Court, wouldn't it force the people to consider the possibility that the rumors spread about you were false?"

"I can't let you do that. Your sister would be furious if I –"

"I remember, Tamlin," she cut in, sitting forward in her seat. "The day Feyre and Azriel rescued me from Hybern's camp – I clearly recall the beautiful scent of new grass and lilacs on the powerful wind that lifted Feyre into the air. If not for that strangely intoxicating wind, she wouldn't have made it – that was you. And it was also you who fought all those creatures by yourself so we could escape. In truth, when you went over the cliff and vanished, I thought you'd winnowed to your death. Feyre never spoke of it to anyone, well, maybe she told Rhysand. I don't know her reasons for keeping it to herself, but if not for you we would not have made it. Not one of us. You save us – but from what I've gathered, that's nothing new for you. You killed Amarantha, ending her reign of terror, and that in and of itself should have earned you the love and respect of all Prythian, it didn't. Then you saved your enemy, giving him a kernel of your life force, and asked for nothing in return. Instead you told Feyre to be happy." The color draining from her face, she shook head. "Jurian shot an arrow into Azriel's chest and all was forgiven like it never happened because he was deceiving Hybern – playing spy." Having spent time living with Jurian, Lucien flinched at the sudden venom in her tone. "Azriel could have died – Cassian as well, and it took no more than two seconds for them to embrace him as an ally. I could never understand why him and not you. You did more to protect Feyre than he ever did – but even if she can't find it within herself to be grateful to you, I want to repay the debt she and Rhysand owe you."

"That was quite a mouthful for someone who normally lets her sisters speak for her," I said and Lucien smirked. "I'll think over your offer and let you know my answer within the next few days."

We talked a while longer and it surprised me how much Elain had to say on the matter of slavery. She was definitely not the same female I encountered that first night when I stormed into the dilapidated cottage where her and her sisters and father lived, and soon enough I forgot all the reasons why I should be on my guard around her and actually enjoyed the conversation. Now that they had decided to be friends, Lucien did as well, and the four of us talked late into the night.

Brie joined me in our shared dream again that night, and in that world of our own making, she soothed and healed my mind, leaving me feeling almost normal by the time I woke the following morning. I didn't try to fool myself into believing the nightmares wouldn't find me if she wasn't there waiting for me. I knew it would take a long time to rid myself of them completely, but at least now each day held the promise of never being parted from her again.

Feyre showed up when I was alone in the rose garden after lunch. Although I fully expected her arrival, the sound of her voice as she said my name set me on edge. I turned in my seat near the water fountain, and shielding my eyes with my hand, I looked up at her. "Make her go home, Tamlin," she said, dispensing with pleasantries. "She doesn't belong here. You know that as well as I do."

"For someone who doesn't belong here, she seemed quite comfortable and – chatty last night," I said, earning myself a glare from her. "For some strange reason, I always thought she was mute." I waved a hand dismissively. "She doesn't hate me, Feyre – she never did. In fact, she even thanked me for restoring your family's fortune after her third cup of wine. It feels nice to be appreciated."

"What do you want in exchange for sending her back to Velaris?" she said, chomping at the bit to tell me to go to hell.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," I said with an exaggerated sigh. "I thought you of all people would realize you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. It could end badly for me."

"You need an army to fight your war for you," she lifted a brow, "force her to leave and I will give you an army."

Scratching my jaw, I pretended to consider her offer. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on it. Your sister wants to be a part of this cause – she made that very clear last night. I would rather have one person who truly believes in what I am trying to do than an entire army of males who show up because they're paid to be there."

"Do you want me to apologize?" Her hands balled into tight fists. "Is that it? Do you want me to ask for forgiveness for destroying your Court? If that's what it takes, then I'm sorry, Tamlin."

"Why do you hate me so damn much?" I said with a weary sigh, tired of dancing around the subject. "Doesn't it ever grow tiresome? I used to think it was just because you were a cold hearted bitch, but you've taken hatred to a whole new level." I knew where her true anger burned the deepest. It wasn't that hard to figure out and yet it still took me years piece it together. "Yes, I failed to save Rhysand's mother and sister, but he didn't save my mother either. I found her dead in her bedroom – torn apart, insides spilling out on the bed, her face carved up with so many knife wounds, I didn't even recognize her…he didn't save her. I spent the night sewing up her body and washing up her blood off the marble floor. Do you have any idea how much blood is in the body," I jabbed a finger into my chest, "I do because every ounce of her blood was either soaked into the mattress and blankets or on the floor." Blinking hard against the tears blurring my vision, I pushed to my feet. "I lost my family, too, and just like Rhysand, I adored my mother. He knew what his father had done, he saw the viciousness of the attack with his own eyes, but instead of facing me, he ran. I know to you his mother and sister's lives were more important than my mother's life – they weren't. I loved her, and at the time she was the most important person in my life and she was gone."

"I-I'm sorry for your loss," she whispered, and she actually sounded like she meant it. "I knew Rhysand's father murdered your mother, but I didn't know how bad it was." Within a breath the glimmer of compassion I saw in her eyes vanished, hardening with bitter resolve. "My son – my children will never get the chance to know their grandmother or aunt because of your family."

"Neither will mine!" I gritted out, throwing my arms out wide to make myself an easier target for her. "At least I can say I was beaten unconscious and tied up when his mother and sister were murdered while the best excuse he can come up with his that his father _promised _not to harm my mother – I killed his father in front of his eyes and he ran away. Does that really sound like the actions of a male who believed to his marrow that I had anything to do with his mother and sister's deaths? Would he keep me alive if he really believed to the marrow of his being that I not only told my father where his mother and sister would be, but also joined them in cutting off their heads and wings? No, he knew in his heart what the truth was and what was going to happen when they broke into the manor. That's why he busied himself with the killing of my brothers, leaving the dirty work of murdering my mother to his father." My eyes narrowed on her, and my arms dropped loosely to my sides. "Let it go, Feyre. Your anger – your hatred of me, it's eating you up inside and the truth is that the only person it's harming is you. I've moved on." I waved a hand around then hitched a thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the manor, "I have everything I ever want or need inside that house, and I refuse to waste one more breath arguing with you."

"This war you are instigating," she said as I turned to walk away, "it will be the death of everyone and everything you love, Tamlin. But you will survive – yes, you will. You have to in order to perform your duty at Calanmai. Prythian will flourish while you waste away alone, unloved and forgotten for the rest of your very long life. So if I were you, I would think long and hard before I declared war on all of Prythian."

"Maybe you're right." Turning back to face her, I straightened to my full height and squared my shoulders. "But I would rather believe that there will come a day when your mate's conscience gets the better of him and he will fight alongside me – when that days comes, Feyre, I promise you we will not lose. He is, after all, the most powerful High Lord ever created….


	48. Chapter 48

**Thanks you for reading the forty eighth and final chapter of this story. A special thanks to those who read it from start to finish and for the really great in depth reviews. I loved hearing your thoughts along the way...:)**

Chapter Forty Eight

_Tamlin_

It was a perfect day, not a single cloud to mar the azure blue sky. Rain clouds threatened early in the morning, I shooed them away with a slight bit of power. Lucien and I worked late into the night preparing for the memorial in what would henceforth be known as the Spring Night Memorial Park. Black stone obelisks circled outward from the fountain depicting a winged female looking toward the heavens while a younger stone-winged female hugged her arms around her mother's waist. Water in the muted colors of a rainbow spilled out from her outspread wings arching over the sculpture of another female with a wreath of roses in her hair and within her hand she held a single perfect rose.

Each black stone obelisk represented one of the males, females and younglings who'd lost their lives during and after the war with Hybern. The places of honor closest to the fountain belonged to those males who heeded the call and died on the battlefield and the outer rings belonged to those who had died in the Border Mountains afterwards. Wreaths of never-fading white roses circled each obelisk, set in place right after sunrise, and the twelve pathways of crushed white stone that cut through the memorial and circled the fountain completed the memorial.

"When you told me what you planned, I didn't think you could pull it off," Lucien said with a low whistle of appreciation as we stood back and appraised the memorial. "It's beautiful, Tamlin," he added, glancing over his shoulder at the large stage set up in front of a copse of blossoming trees. "We should go get changed before everyone begins to arrive."

"Have you heard from them?"

"No, but that doesn't mean they won't show up," he said, needing no clarification to know I was referring to Rhysand and Feyre. "If for no other reason than raging curiosity, they'll be here before the first bell tolls." His gaze returned to the fountain, metal eye whirring and clicking softly. "The likeness of your mother is unsettling. I feel as if she could break free from the stone at any moment."

I studied the sculpture of my mother seated at the edge of the sparkling pool with her legs tucked beneath her dress, the serene expression on her face as she gazed into the water, and a faint smile pulled at my lips. "She's never far from my thoughts which made it easy for me to capture her likeness."

"Some will question why you placed her lower than his mother in the sculpture," he pointed out, and I imagined that would be the case, and yet that was not my intention. "It makes her appear subservient to the Night Court."

"Those who question the pose I chose for her obviously did not know her well enough to judge my rendering of her." I turned away from the fountain, and started toward home. "You will speak first followed by Lilianna then Bron then Hart and so on and so forth – as High Lady, Brie will read the last of the names. When she is finished, there will be a short recess before dinner is served at the Spring Castle in New Haven. Everyone is welcome to attend."

"You aren't going to say anything during the ceremony?"

"We already discussed this at length, and my answer now is the same as it has been from the start."

"After all the work you put into the memorial, I thought you might change your mind."

"I haven't."

I winnowed the rest of the way to the manor to avoid rehashing all the reasons why I felt the need to distance myself from reading off any of the names on the lists. As custom dictated, I dressed in my black military uniform while Brie donned a high collared dress of black lace with a modest neckline. Lucien and every other sentry wore solid black as well, the embroidered insignia of the Spring Court on lapel of their waistcoats the only splash of color in the otherwise somber attire. Every male plaited the sides of their hair, joining the two braids into one thick braid at the middle while leaving the rest of their hair to flow down their backs.

Azriel, Cassian and Mor, dressed in shades of Spring, joined the march toward the park, keeping step with the drums that echoed through the tree lined path. Brie caught hold of my hand, and fingers lacing through mine, she gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze as I kept my head lowered out of respect to the fallen males. The crowd separated as we entered the park and chose their seats while a chorus of children made their way up onto the stage.

Veiled from sight, no one paid any attention to the spot where the memorial sat hidden, their eyes glued to the stage as three males made their way up the stairs, one taking a seat behind a piano while the other two picked up the violins that had been placed there for them. From there, their collective gazes traveled to the intricately carved brass bell set in front of the youngling choir.

Lucien, Lilianna, Brie and several sentries ascended the stairs, all but Lucien taking a seat in their designated chairs. A hush fell over the crowd at the first cords struck on the piano then the children joined in, singing the blessing of the fallen soldier, the heartbreaking melody accompanying their sweet sounding voices bringing tears to many Faes' eyes. As they finished the first chorus, a violin appeared in my hands, and as I made my way up the steps, the hauntingly beautiful sound of my violin joined in harmony with the piano. The two other violinists joined in, and as I looked out at the crowd gathered, I noticed Mor discreetly wipe away the tears gathering in her eyes.

The music softened, and as the choir softly hummed, Lucien called out the first name, the clear, crisp toll of the bell signaling for the first of many obelisks to reveal itself. One by one he called out their names, and perhaps they might not have noticed the first obelisk, but soon enough their watery eyes were held captivated by the slow reveal of the memorial. Rhysand and Feyre appeared just as Lucien said the second to last name on his list, and noting the shades of Spring they wore out of respect, I gave a slight bow in their direction.

Rhysand dipped his head, a tender smile replacing his usual cocky grin, and he silently mouthed the words, _Well done, Tamlin…._

The choirs' voices rose once more accompanied by the piano and violins as Lilianna rose to her feet. Once more the music faded and the choir hummed as Lilianna cleared her voice and began to recite the names on her list, the bell sounding once more for each male, female, and youngling being honored. Tears rolled unchecked down Brie's face, and catching hold of her gaze, I whispered that I loved her and she responded in kind.

As the last name on the lists was called out, the grand fountain finally revealed itself, and after studying it for a long moment, Rhysand's eyes returned to me. A myriad of emotions crossed his features within those moments – from heartbreak to acceptance and every other emotion in between. On his feet before the choir finished their last chorus, he climbed the steps two at a time, and hugged me – hugged me because he understood in a way no one else would that I cherished his mother and sister every bit as much as my own mother.

"I'm so sorry for everything – for all of it," he whispered huskily, pulling back to look me in the eye. "I was so angry – so damn angry and I –"

"I'm sorry, too," I cut in, glancing over his shoulder at Feyre before refocusing my attention on him. "I couldn't save them, Rhys. My heart was ripped wide open that day – I couldn't stomach the sight of my father and brothers. I was packing to leave for good when you –" I sighed. "You were my best friend and I failed you and your mother and sister. I never blamed you for seeking revenge, hated you at times, sure, but I never blamed you for hating me."

"If I had hated you it would have been a helluva lot less complicated," he said after a lengthy pause. "No, I hated myself for not being there to protect my mother and sister, and I hated myself for failing to save your mother – you were the only outlet I had for the rage burning my up inside…we can't go back, we can't erase the past of all the mistakes and cruelty we inflicted upon each other in our anger and grief, but maybe we can start over and work towards a stronger friendship. Without our fathers in our lives to interfere and casts doubts in our minds, I think it is very possible to be friends again."

"If it's possible, I would like to be your friend again, but I will not back down on the idea of equal rights and freedom for all Fae – I can't. I won't. My hope is that someday soon you will join me in this fight, but the friendship I would offer you is not conditional upon that hope I carry within me."

"I know that's your wish, but I have a child on the way, Tam," he said with a weary sigh. "If I didn't have a mate or a baby to think of, my answer would be different. I do so the most I can offer you is a chance to escape. If your army is defeated in battle, call out to me and I promise you I'll be there to save you, your mate, and as many others as I can possibly rescue. It's not the alliance you're hoping for, nonetheless, it's exactly what you'll need when the time comes."

"I'm going to hold you to your word and pray to whatever gods are listening that you will never have to fulfill your promise."

"I will pray for that as well…."

**Author's note - I hope everyone enjoyed the story, and will continue to read the second story **_Thorns of War and Roses _**in the future. As for this story, I really liked the idea of ending with a tentative friendship reforming between Tamlin and Rhysand. A lot was left unsaid in Sara Maas' story about what really happened to Rhysand's mother and sister and Tamlin's mother, and there can never be just one side of the story when two or more people are involved. We all see things differently and good friend can easily turn into enemies over differing points of view. I always loved the character of Rhysand, but his actions and darkness to those who don't know what drives him, can easily be seen as cruelty, and maybe at different time in varying pov's in this story, it may have seemed like I didn't like him very much, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I'll be the first to admit that while I loved Feyre in the first book, by the end I couldn't stomach her. She was vindictive and cruel, and even when Tamlin saved her time and time again, she couldn't find it within herself to get over her bitter spiteful attitude toward him, wanting him to live out the rest of his days alone and miserable. To me, she never grew as a character, and that's a shame. When she looked in the mirror, she liked the darkness more than the goodness she saw within herself, and that says a lot about her character. So I set out to redeem Tamlin, who I loved from the start, and hopefully he'll continue to grow and shine in the second book. Thanks for taking the time to read a story that started out small and grew until I knew I needed to make a sequel. Let me know your thoughts as reviews are golden...:)**


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